A broken heart is a difficult experience, but a necessary one. We are growing with it. We learn how to survive. It also means that life goes on.

There is probably not a single person in the world who has not had their heart broken. But you know, it makes us stronger. Of course, when the heart is broken, no one thinks so. The pain of parting kills all feelings, causing only the desire to return back to the moment the breakup occurred. Return everything that was good between both.

But life goes on as usual, and over time, feelings of regret and hatred go away. It gets easier. And better. And you can even thank the one without whom you couldn’t imagine life before, for the experience. A broken heart is a difficult experience, but a necessary one. We are growing with it. We learn how to survive. It also means that life goes on.

Sometimes we focus so much on sadness and loneliness, which hard times can't do without, that we forget to say thank you for what we have become: better, stronger, more self-confident.

5 reasons to be grateful

1. For the lesson that life goes on

When a heart is shattered into a million pieces by the person you trusted, the world falls apart. Everything freezes, you plunge into darkness and loneliness. Days, months, even years pass, and you realize that time does not stand still. You go to bed, wake up - a new day is coming. With each new day, you begin to become more and more what you were before meeting the person to whom you gave your heart.

A broken heart teaches that life shouldn't stop just because you're hurt. Your friends stayed by your side, your family is always by your side. And there are so many different days ahead.

2. For making you stronger

A broken heart is an emotional state, but we feel it physically. Do you agree? It seems that someone actually ripped our heart out of our chest and smashed it against the wall. Inside you feel empty, and outside you are surrounded by reminders of how happy you were. This is a kind of manifestation of weakness that takes possession of you completely. As if the darkness has swallowed you up and you see no way out. Then something changes, and the way out is by itself. And in this magical, wonderful moment, you realize that you are a damn strong person. One person cannot destroy you. You are strong enough to take all this bitterness and deal with it.

3. For the lesson that you will still meet the love of your life

What hurts the most when your heart is broken? The feeling that “the same, only” person has left. The realization that something that is sung in songs, about which a movie is being made, slipped away from the hands. And the fear that it will never happen again. The last thing you expect is to meet someone else. But it happens. And then you realize that while you considered that person “the only one”, there was another person who was waiting for you somewhere on the path of life, and now he is “the only one”.

4. For the fact that your bar has become higher

Love is patience. Love is kindness. Love is absolutely blind. She is so blind that you can close your eyes to betrayal, to scandals, to insults - it's all out of love. Love can be so blind that it plunges everything into darkness. But when you no longer love a person, you begin to see. You see your relationship exactly as it really was. It doesn’t have to be that you were cheated on or humiliated, but from the outside it becomes clearer what this relationship lacked.

Now you know exactly what you deserve. You have learned it. And this time, your "love vision" will not let you down.

5. For the time you spent together

A broken heart is the result of true love. It is difficult to accept, especially when the soul is still torn from pain and sadness. But when the emotions subside and the pain dulls, that love will become so far away for you that it will be difficult to believe in its reality. It's like a bad dream that you sometimes remember for some unknown reason.

But all this was. And there is a person who broke your heart. Thanks to him for this. published

When negative emotions are overwhelming, recovering from a breakup can be very difficult. You can literally force yourself to get out of bed and go about your daily activities. You will be able to recover faster if you take care of yourself and enlist the support of friends and loved ones. In addition, you can get professional help from a psychotherapist. Also work on letting go of your past relationships. Thanks to this, you will be able to move on.

Steps

Let go of the relationship

Avoid contact with your ex. Give yourself the time and space you need to recover from a relationship breakup. Do not call or text your ex. Remove him from your friends on social networks.

• Tell your ex that you don't want to hang out with him for a while. You can say, “I need time for myself. I will be very grateful to you if you do not try to contact me. I need time to sort myself out."

1. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex. Don't keep things that belong to or remind you of your ex. If you want to deal with painful feelings, you need to get rid of things that make you remember the person you broke up with.

   • Ask your ex to collect your belongings. When he comes, you can ask a friend to give these things to your ex.

2. Consider starting a new relationship. Although many do not even allow themselves to admit the thought of starting a new relationship, in fact, this can help to cope with painful feelings. Communication with a person of the opposite sex often helps to forget the former partner. In addition, new relationships make you feel more desirable. Moreover, when meeting with a new partner, you will feel more independent and calm.

   • You can ask friends and family to introduce you to the right person. Online dating can also help.

3. Wait until you are confident that you are ready for a new relationship. If you feel like you're not ready for a relationship, take your time. Instead, focus all of your attention and energy on taking care of yourself and spending time with good friends and family members. Develop as a person. When you're ready, try building new relationships.

   • Be prepared for the fact that it will take time to recover from a breakup. It will be difficult for you to immediately build new relationships. Be patient and do not demand quick spiritual healing from yourself.

   ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

   Sarah Shewitz, PsyD is a psychologist with over 10 years of experience helping couples and individuals improve and change their behavior in love and relationships. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychological counseling service.

   Psychologist (love and relationships)

   The waiting period is the time for growth. Love psychologist Sarah Shewitz explains: “After a breakup, take the time to work on yourself and learn from previous relationships. Let yourself grieve, do not start a new relationship too early, just to overshadow the feeling of pain. Otherwise, if you part with a new passion, feelings will cover with double strength, and it will be much more difficult to survive it.

   Take care of yourself

   1. Keep a diary in which to write down your thoughts and feelings. Journaling is a great opportunity to pour out your heart. Write what you think. You don't need to correct what you wrote. Just let go of the thoughts and feelings that weigh you down. Thanks to this, you will be able to recover faster and put your feelings and emotions in order.

      • You can reflect on the following questions: "What were the problems in our relationship?" "How did I know that the relationship was over?" "How do I feel now?"

      ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

      

      Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp

      Make entries in your diary as a morning ritual. Amy Chan, founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, says, “This ritual allows you to set goals and set the right mood early in the day, before you even look at your phone and start interacting with the world around you. For example, every morning write down one goal for the day in your diary. Only instead of "I must" use "I can" or "I will do" instead.

      Take up a hobby . Maybe you like to draw or read. Perhaps you enjoy playing sports or knitting. Instead of letting negative thoughts destroy you from the inside, devote your time to doing what you enjoy. This will help you relax and focus on the present instead of constantly reminiscing.

      • Sign up for classes that teach you something you love, like knitting or drawing. Or join a sports team like football or volleyball if you like sports.

   2. Make time for sports every day. Exercise can help you deal with painful feelings after a breakup. Set aside some time in the morning for a run. Also, dedicate 30 minutes to exercise every day. If you have the opportunity, visit the fitness club several times a week.

      • If you find it difficult to exercise on your own, invite a friend to join you. This will make it easier for you to stay motivated. You can also invite a friend to go for morning runs.

   3. Practice the deep breathing technique . If you are feeling anxious or stressed out, start practicing the deep breathing technique to calm down and relax. Find a quiet secluded place where no one and nothing will distract you. Take slow breaths in and out for a few minutes.

      • You can also attend classes where you can learn how to do these exercises correctly. This will keep you calm.
      • As a rule, deep breathing techniques are practiced in yoga classes. Do yoga, doing slow exercises that promote relaxation.

   4. Repeat positive affirmations. Positive affirmations help you look at life positively, even when you feel upset or depressed. Try saying positive affirmations in the morning after you wake up or in the evening before you go to bed. Repeat affirmations that will help you feel empowered.

      • For example, you can repeat: "I'm fine," or "I'm strong." You can also repeat the following statement: "I'll get through this," or "I'm above this situation."

   5. Avoid behavior that can hurt. As a rule, after a breakup of a relationship, a person experiences deep mental pain. Some, being in this state, begin to do things that threaten their health and even life. Try not to do anything that could harm your physical or mental health. Resist the temptation to take drugs or drink alcohol to relieve heartache. Also do your best not to date your ex and don't isolate yourself from others. By doing so, you destroy your personality.

      • If you feel like hurting yourself in some way, contact a relative or friend. Do something you love to do or write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal.
      • Seek help immediately if you have thoughts of hurting yourself physically.

      ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

      

      Family psychotherapist

      Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a psychotherapy and counseling clinic in New York City. Received a master's degree in psychotherapy in the field of family and marriage. She has been working as a psychotherapist for over 10 years.

      

      Family psychotherapist

      Allow yourself to feel the pain of the breakup without judgment. Family therapist Moshe Ratson says: “The sooner you accept these feelings, the sooner you can let go of the pain. Then, as you gather your strength, you can move beyond guilt, make sense of what happened, and find new goals and opportunities for growth in the future.”

   Connect with other people

   Spend time with a close friend or family member. Enlist the support of friends and loved ones as you try to recover from a broken relationship. Keep in touch with friends. Dine together or hang out wherever you like. Also, don't forget your family members. Spend quality time with them.

   • Being around people who love and care for you will make you feel better and less lonely.
   • Do not isolate yourself from others. Even hanging out with just one friend will help you deal with your feelings.

   1. Help those who need it. Thanks to this, you will not experience loneliness. Bring food to a sick friend or take a sick relative to the hospital. Help a friend who needs help.

      • You can also become a volunteer by joining a charity that provides help to those in need.

      ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

      “Giving back to the community allows for faster healing of emotional wounds and increased self-esteem.”

“He will understand what he has lost and will return,” they said.

Then my soul, still with fresh memories of our walks under the moon and crazy dances on the beach, just wanted it. I was waiting for a sign—a phone call, a message. Waiting for you to walk through my door and tell me it was all a nightmare.
But you didn't call. You didn't come back.

Everyone had it, and I did not understand what I did wrong. I blamed myself, rewinding our time together in my head, trying to figure out what had happened.

Why did you go to her? Why wasn't I enough?
And in response, only dead silence. You left me alone with your sadness, which haunted my thoughts like a ghost. I lay on the floor, unable to eat or sleep, just a shell of the old me. I only wanted you, and without you I couldn't go on, I told myself.

But then I went.
I got up, got up and left. I forced myself to find new reasons and meaning. I started working harder, I started cycling, turning my tears into angry sweat.

At first, all I could think about was having you around. But then slowly I felt better myself.

Then I even went on a date. It wasn't you. And no matter how cheerful and kind he was, my thoughts always returned to your smile, your laughter. I came home and cried. But the next day I got up and moved on. Every time our songs were played on the radio, when I passed our places, wounds opened in my heart and bled. But all wounds heal over time.
I began to realize that your lies and deceit had nothing to do with me, that you were the cause of them. I remembered what you told me, and I realized that you were afraid - not of me, but of yourself, that you would not be enough for our relationship.

And you were right. Because what you did is not love at all. Love does not embrace one while making love to another. Love doesn't hide behind lies. When you love someone, you don't walk away taking the medicine with you while your loved one screams your name and writhes in pain.

I learned so much about myself from you. You were the mirror that reflected so many beautiful things in me to the bitter end that I hadn't noticed before. You showed me that I was special and now I know that you were right. And when you left, you showed me that I'm strong. So strong. And I also realized that my love is huge, more than you could bear. More fearless, more courageous.
And now you want me back.

I am not angry. I don't hate you. I can never turn my back on you knowing you need help. You were an important part of my life and our souls will always be connected. I will always thank you for those days and nights when we were together.

But no. I will not be back.
For a while, I wanted you back at any cost. But I don't want to anymore. Now I know that I am worth much more than your heart can give. I'm not going to give my soul for a penny. And to be honest, I love myself too much, but someone else loves me too. For him, I'm not too fearless and not too brave. Your act made me realize the importance of finding an equal, and it came just when I decided I had had enough. We rewrote our songs, our places, kissed the scars on everyone's heart.

He's not you, but maybe that's the point.
You made a big difference in my life because I can't be mad at you. We traveled a beautiful stretch of the road together as our lives intersected.
I wish you happiness. I wish you to heal all wounds. I wish you meet love when you go on without me.

I still remember this moment. I was completely overwhelmed with work and went to the window to let off some steam. I express myself quite literally, I was like a red-hot steam locomotive, in the furnace of which firewood was shifted. My firewood - doubts, fears, fueled by the cruelty around, began to release too much exhaust into the atmosphere.

The city lay before me. Tall buildings, wide roads, darkness of cars. 50th floor, high enough to drop down?

I shook my head, what a stupid thought! I straightened my tie and smoothed my jacket, I work in one of the most successful offices in the country, I drive an expensive car, I sleep with gorgeous women. What is wrong with me at all? And yet... every time I go downstairs, it seems to me that this stupid city will one day fall right on my head.
Damn him. I went to the desktop, but seeing a pile of papers there, I returned to the window. Nothing had changed, which seemed inexplicably strange to me, because in my head the world continued to crumble relentlessly. I was staring intently at the reflection of something incomprehensible in the skyscraper opposite, dreaming of breathing in at least some fresh air, when the phone vibrated in the inside pocket of my jacket. A message, another set of meaningless sentences, I thought. There are two options, either this is someone from work, or one of those with whom I sleep. Not interested. I continued to look ahead.

Stop. What is today's date? The thought that the sound could be a reminder of my mother's birthday was the only thing that made me take out my phone.

With my index finger, I pressed the screen unlock button, my eyes caught the name of the sender and it was enough to blow up the entire planet. I stood just as straight and did not even seem to flinch, but the buildings in front of me managed to fold into a pyramid and again take the shape of a rectangle.

My brain formed the characters into coherent text in a matter of seconds, much longer than it takes to read 23 letters and two numbers, 1 dot and seven spaces. I counted and only after that I allowed myself to distinguish what was written again, and about 15 more times before I understood the meaning. If I was not mistaken, if my despair did not make me hallucinate, it was written: “I will be in your city one day. 25 "The first four words, two pronouns, and an excuse in a few years from the girl I most wanted and most feared to see.

Damn it, I have never met such beautiful women and this devilishly sweet, angelic simplicity ... You were ten times stronger than me. I would never have dared to write to you. But you... you don't care. This has always pissed me off the most.
You never made excuses for me, you never regretted me, you were always fiercely truthful, sometimes cruel, but fair.

When I told you that I can't be with you enough just yet, give you what you deserve and if you can wait I'll be glad, if not I'll understand because my life is crazy because I work for 18 hours, trying to prove something, sleep little, think badly, drink a lot and sometimes take drugs and this is the only way to relieve this wild tension, you didn’t say anything. Your face doesn't even seem to flinch. You thought for about ten minutes, breathing calmly in perfect silence, and said: “If you need time, take it. I understand you need it to sort things out. Be true to yourself and thank you for being honest.” This is the last thing I heard from you.
When I realized your words, something in me died. Probably the last signs of humanity. I expected anything, scandal, silence, accusations, but not this, but not just slipping through your words of indifference, some kind of unbending acceptance, a fresh breath of what is most difficult to resist - live with your choice. Nobody will save you.

During this time, I realized that happy relationships happen in one case. When love is stronger than fear.

Black, very black coffee. I pressed the button on the coffee machine and watched the jet hit the bottom of the cardboard cup. The glass was half full, I pressed the button again. All the same thing happened again. And it will be repeated a thousand more times if I .. Someone called me from behind, I did not turn around, but lost my train of thought.
I took a sip of coffee and grimaced so much that I almost spit it back out. A rare muck that I will definitely drink to the end. And I will do it every day.

I took out my phone and looked at the message again.

When I think about you, my head starts to spin with delight and something huge appears inside. It's as if my heart is pumping so fast that it has to expand, beating out of my chest, dissolving all the restrictions imposed on it by the body. When I think about you, my temples begin to vibrate, I have to close my eyes for a few seconds and take a couple of breaths in order to distribute this energy of either delight, or something completely incomprehensible to me throughout my body, because gathering somewhere She's ready to tear my nerves to shreds.

At some point, I realized that I absolutely can not afford it. I couldn't let myself feel like that, constantly spreading myself thinking about you. It was much easier for me to put an impenetrable block on these thoughts, a wall, lock them in a concrete safe and forget where the door was. I put my career as a successful financier at the forefront of my career even before I met you. You broke my frames, blew up my ideas, told me: “The world is an illusion. You can everything." I didn't believe you, success is my goal on the map and for it I was ready to play according to the given rules, there was no time for risk, and probably no courage.

I've been waiting for a message from you every day. I couldn't write myself, honestly. Maybe I'm just a weak-willed rag, but I literally couldn't move my fingers even if the thought crossed my mind. If our brain is like a fortress, which in our world we are used to protecting from various kinds of feelings, then I have erected the most impenetrable and high walls there. Maybe it's such a perverted way of self-defense not to think about you. After all, against the background of absolute purity, beauty, innocence, which you represent, my hard world looked even more depressing. Looking at your self-sufficiency, your sharpness, I wanted to spit my own confidence that everything in this world obeys certain rules. Inflexible, cruel, harsh. You played a different game, everything in your life was ... joyful, solved, filled with love. Even the most difficult life situations. You seemed to be smiling at them. I don’t believe in anything, but you must be very much indebted to me in some other dimensions, since in this life such an angel paid attention to me.

I remember when I first spoke about how difficult this distance was for me, rare meetings, you looked at me with such a look that it seems that a rocket flew into me.
Do you think happiness depends on someone else? I'm happy without you. Love fills life, but happiness depends only on you.
Damn two! I shuddered. I understood what you mean, I knew that you loved me. There were no happier moments in my life than when you laughed at my jokes. When you were happy with me But this damn realization that you don't seem to need anyone to thrive was eating me up inside.
You rarely talked about your problems, solving them as quickly as your thought raced along any potential situation that we had ever discussed. You never asked for anything, you never got offended, and you hardly talked about your feelings. I had the feeling that in front of me was Mother Teresa in a version modified for the modern world, and I was just another wounded man whom you raised on the road to take to the hospital and leave there, going to save the rest of the suffering.

I assumed that by the time I started waking up, by the time I had even moved away from all this madness, it would be too late. I assumed that by then you would be happy with someone else and absolutely not want to see me. I assumed that this unimaginable beauty that you were would be in a new place and doing something completely new and something completely amazing.
But it turned out that I greatly exaggerated my ability to guess, because in reality all this was multiplied hundreds of times. When I saw you... When I saw you again, you were a thousand times more beautiful than the first time.

Before I met you, I never noticed how empty a person's eyes can seem. But after meeting you, no matter who I looked at, it seemed to me that I was sliding on the mirror and I would never find the same crystal clear surface of the lake.

When I met you again, you were happy with another man. I tried not to let you see me because I didn't want to disturb you.

At that moment, when you passed by, looking at something on the other side of the street, I finally understood something that I probably knew for a very long time, but refused to admit it to myself.

Love requires will. Precisely because a real and sincere relationship at one fine moment confronts you with your own, impenetrable, dark forest. There you see all your fears that you have been hiding for years. On the other side of the thicket is a clearing and the person you love. You can turn around and go back to your usual life, where hiding your pain is the norm, or dive into the depths of the forest and still try to find something really worthwhile on the other side of your fears. To one day not see the only woman he loved more than anything in the world, happy with another man.