What to do when the husband beats. What to do if a husband beats his wife: endure or divorce? Relationship between parents

First reaction: get away from this scoundrel and never see him again! But when emotions subside a little, a woman, having suppressed resentment in herself, often still remains with her husband. Why? Maybe it's her own fault? Or is it something else? What to do if the husband hit?

Recently, the problem has ceased to be absolutely "home". Many women began to openly condemn their husbands, who open their hands, protesting against the “beats means loves” who has set his teeth on edge. However, despite the public outcry, every woman still faces a dilemma: to forgive or not? How to make the right decision?

Leaving is unbearable

In some families, physical aggression becomes a common way to sort things out. A man knows that he always has strong (in the literal sense of the word) arguments in reserve, and a woman knows that one should be extremely careful when expressing dissatisfaction or arguing in one's own defense. However, silence does not always save a woman.

Firstly, impunity is intoxicating and allows a man to increasingly lose control of himself. Secondly, the husband does not need to look for other ways to resolve conflicts and disputes. Often the situation is aggravated by the complete helplessness of the wife: either she does not have her own income, housing, or she is afraid that the divorce will harm the children. In order to put the busy woman in the dilemma indicated after the word "leave", several steps must be taken.

Take out dirty linen from the hut: tell about your husband's behavior to your and his parents, mutual friends. Peak-silence plays into the hands of a man: you alone resist him, while your forces are not equal. An open discussion of the problem will lead to the fact that the inner circle will begin to put pressure on the husband.

Don't expect a man to suddenly improve one day. Psychologists dealing with the problem of domestic violence often observe its cyclicity. And also such a phenomenon as a “honeymoon” after another assault: the husband apologizes and tries to make amends by making gifts or doing household chores. In most cases, this wonderful period lasts no more than 3 weeks. Therefore, only the woman herself can put an end to violence. During the next "honeymoon" warn your husband that you no longer intend to endure the beatings. And if they repeat at least once, then you will file for divorce.

Of course, such an ultimatum can be put forward only if the gy is ready to carry out its threat. But if you understand that such a conversation can harm you, then it’s better not to start it, but go straight to the next point.

Slowly prepare your way out

Find a remote job that your spouse can't find out about. Put aside the money you save by buying discounted products. Think about who could help you in the first time after leaving your husband.

If you have nowhere to go, find information about special shelters for victims of domestic violence. They exist in many large cities with charitable organizations and take women with children for several months. During this time, you can find a job, arrange a baby in a kindergarten and establish a new life. Of course, all this is very difficult. But life is more precious! After all, tomorrow the husband may not calculate the force of impact ...

green serpent

If the husband shows aggression only when intoxicated, then you need to think about how to deal with the cause, and not with the effect. Moreover, not all men belonging to this type suffer from alcoholism. Drinking alcohol can be rare, but every time it can have dangerous consequences for loved ones. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to insist that the husband completely refuse alcohol because of his inadequate reaction to it. Nevertheless, it is necessary to jointly develop a new algorithm for behavior after parties.

Mark the days of the feasts and the dates of the beatings on the calendar so that the husband is convinced that they coincide. Such visualization will allow you to recognize the existence of a problem and begin to solve it.

Ask one of your friends or yourself to discreetly take a video of how your husband's behavior changes in a state of intoxication. Show him a recording during a period of repentance - for sure a man will learn a lot of unexpected things about himself and think about it.

Ask your husband what measures seem most effective and appropriate to him. Strict restrictions on drinking (for example, warn loved ones that he should not be given more than a glass of wine), a reminder of your agreement to approach a “dangerous dose” of alcohol, or something else. It is important that the spouse himself propose measures that keep him from aggression.

If we are talking about alcohol addiction, you should not count on the fact that specialists will cure the husband in the absence of desire on his part. At the same time, you need to seek medical help so that your spouse has at least a short period of sobriety, and you get a break. Practice shows that those who got rid of addiction, before that, had repeatedly received the help of specialists and acquired the desire to "tied up" in the process of treatment.

In a state of passion

Even the most balanced person can be brought to a white heat. Sometimes a man can not restrain his emotions and give a slap in the face, grab his hand or somehow go beyond the boundaries. Such manifestations, of course, do not honor him, but you cannot call them beatings either. The husband's aggression in such a situation turns out to be an unpleasant "surprise" not only for his wife, but also for himself. A man repents, worries, but does this mean that others will follow the first breakdown? Talk to your spouse about what was the trigger for his aggressive attack? No matter how hard it is to start such a conversation, it is necessary, as it allows you to get rid of the mutual feeling of unpredictability of male behavior.

Do not fall for the arguments of feminists who claim that violence is never the fault of the woman herself. Most of these isolated cases are due to scandals in which the wife uses painful arguments: “Now I understand why your ex won’t let you see your kids!” or "Your father always thought you were a jerk". If something similar in terms of emotional impact is said to a woman, she will cry. And the man will shut up and can hit, because such a reaction has been worked out in most of the representatives of the stronger sex since childhood.

If you know that you offended your husband, apologize for your behavior.

Mutual forgiveness will allow you to quickly restore relationships, although an unpleasant aftertaste is likely to remain for life. Agree with your spouse that even in a quarrel you will not remind each other of this episode. And you should watch your words, because sometimes words hit harder than a fist.

think about it

According to international statistics, women decide to leave their spouse on average only after the seventh attack.
Every year, 36,000 Russian women are beaten by their husbands, a third of them receive serious injuries, sometimes incompatible with life.
60-70% of women who suffer from bullying do not seek help. They do not want to take dirty linen out of the hut.
Domestic violence laws are in place in 89 countries around the world. After their adoption, cases of violence are reduced by 20-30%.

Comments 48

Yesterday I punched him in the eye, called him an alcoholic, I drink little, with the condition that we celebrated the New Year at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I plow like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home. That's all the arithmetic. I plan to leave, even though I have three children.

> Yesterday I punched him in the eye, called him an alcoholic, I don’t drink much, with the condition that we celebrated the New Year at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I plow like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home . That's all the arithmetic. I plan to leave, even though I have three children. I believe that if a man hit once, then it will happen again. No matter how hard and painful it is, you need to leave such men without looking back ...

> At the moment I am in the hospital with severe beatings at the hands of my beloved man. This happened for the first time, but who will guarantee that next time, I will not end up in the next world? From such men you need to run away without looking back

HORROR!!! Run for sure!!!

quoted1 > > ...give a slap in the face, grab the hand, or somehow cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not honor him, but you can’t call them beatings either. "And what is THIS? Excuse me, of course, but you can give a slap in the face so that you lose consciousness, but how to understand "how else to cross the borders" ?? table is to cross the border?I former MCH grabbed my hands so that I went all blue for a month.A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself throws herself at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. quoted1 > > Completely agree with you today! he will slap you in the heat of passion, and tomorrow he will slap you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my environment I concluded: if a man hit you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again, and the further, the worse.I don’t have such acquaintances whose husband would hit once, and then this would not happen again ... Hit, endured, so you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows.

quoted1 > > > ...to slap, grab the hand or somehow cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not honor him, but you can’t call them beatings either. "And what is THIS? Excuse me, of course, but you can give a slap in the face so that you lose consciousness, but how to understand "how else to cross the borders" ?? Is this a table to cross the borders? The former MCH grabbed my hands so much that I went all blue for a month. A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself throws herself at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. quoted1 > > > > I completely agree with you Today he will slap you in the heat of passion, and tomorrow he will slap you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my environment I concluded: if a man hit you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again and the further, the worse.I don't have such acquaintances whose husband would hit once, and then this would not happen again...He hit, endured, so you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows. two days ago he gave me such a slap in the face that my kidney still hurts, and it's covered in bruises. Not ready for a divorce. What to do?

What a mess, girls! Divorce is a complex and unpleasant procedure, you can’t prepare for it in advance, whether it’s treason or beatings, you don’t expect or plan this. Ekaterina, you write that you are not ready for a divorce, but are you ready to receive regular slaps in the face? He hit once, hit a second, third, first a slap in the face, and then he just starts beating a pear like a boxer. Of course, I don't know your situation and family, but hitting a woman is horrendous and will be repeated all the time. Take care of yourself, save yourself before it's too late ...

For 2 years, events developed as follows: he could push, verbal abuse became more frequent. Then he hit him in the face, after a while on the head. He could come right up close and angrily hiss in his face with aggressive foul language. Now he dealt a severe blow to the head and face. Outcome: I had a concussion, a shivering wound on the back of the nose with a displacement of the cartilage. There are lacerations on the nose. 7 stitches were placed. Heavily disfigured. So it's been tested on myself - if you raise your hand, it's unlikely to calm down. Impunity inspires a man.

Elena Mar 3 2019

Came drunk at three o'clock in the morning. Hit in the face, could not prevent, because. in her arms was a small child. Now I'm sending to the devil. I don’t want any family and maintaining relationships at all. And he wants. Forgive me, but I'm afraid to go further to my cannon shot. Well it

Anastasia Mar 13 2019

He raised not only his arm, but also his leg! I barely went to my mother with a child, all this happened at night. The child is not. he gave to me, although he is not the daughter’s own father, I will forgive with time. But I don’t want to be together, my husband cried and begged to return, he promises that he will never raise his hand again, but I don’t want to check.

Mar 13 2019

Anastasia, you are right!

Marina Mar 21 2019

My husband beat me after the maternity hospital on the 25th day, he beat me on the head without stopping, I already stopped hearing the rupture of the membrane, my temperature rose, 38, if the child was crying, I didn’t hear, I left with difficulty, hid the child through the cops, took it away, now I filed for alimony, I don’t want to talk after the DNA current, we don’t have a registry office, what do you advise?

Mar 21 2019

You did the right thing by leaving! Some people endure this all their lives until they become crippled ... but as for alimony, it should be special people who deal with where you applied. It seems to me that if the father refuses child support, then he himself must submit and pay for the DNA test.

Julia Mar 31 2019

Now I'm in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury. There was a fight yesterday. As usual because of the little things. It turned into a major scandal, where I knocked out the doors that he closed in front of me. Hit once, with the palm of his hand, on the jaw. 3 broken teeth and concussion. I fell and lost consciousness and memory. (this is all from his words) I did not remember the last weeks of my life. Now, in the hospital, I remember everything except the quarrel itself. Walks. Calling. Asks for forgiveness. I don't understand what to do at all. We have three children. I have nowhere to go.

Mar 31 2019

What a shame, Julia! If you go back to him, it's dangerous for your life. You should first of all think about the children, they need a healthy mother. A friend of mine with a small child left her husband, who beat her, begged for a room in a hostel, for this she got a job as a cleaning lady. I got up at 5 in the morning, washed the floors in the hostel, then took the child to the garden, went to work as a salesman, then picked up my son, washed the floors again in the evening. I was very tired, but the child had a healthy mother, no one made a fuss at home, the son grew up in a calm environment. After some time, she met a good man, got married, and now she is happy, she also gave birth. And if she had stayed with her first tyrant husband, she could have died from constant beatings. And the little son would have remained an orphan with her husband ...

Mpnya my yes so hit my head with his paws several times that my head hurts exactly from the side where the blow was. It hurts to touch the bruised elbows, this is the first time I don’t want to live like that, but I’m not ready for a divorce either. Is it true that after the first beating there will definitely be 2, etc., that is, it will only get worse ...

True ... if a man considered that he had the right to beat you, then this would be repeated constantly. I don’t know of a single example of hitting once, and then realizing and never touching again…

Hello, yesterday once again my husband drank with friends. I was visiting a friend and decided to stop by. The case ended with my husband allowing me to be beaten by a friend ... As he said: just an educational moment. I ran home, locked myself up and didn't let my husband in...

It's difficult for me too. The husband is a hidden tyrant. Children openly tell him that they do not respect him. Offends me. He rarely raised his hand, but the last time, if not for his daughter, he would probably have smeared it on the wall. I want to leave for a few years. After quarrels, calm for a couple of weeks. But all this is temporary. We must decide. It was not enough that at 45 I was and some kind of threat threatened ...

Elena, run away from this terrible man, neither he nor his friend have the right to lay a finger on you!!!

That's right, Alevtina! no one has the right to raise a hand against you at any age. And you are scared to live with such a husband, but what about the children? You will still find yourself a worthy man and be happy. Children will only be glad to see their mother calm and happy than to live in hassle all their lives ...

Lived with her husband for 20 years, rarely drank. There were no conflicts, and they lived together. But somehow he came home drunk, word for word, eventually beat me. I ended up in the hospital with a concussion. We parted by mutual consent, then a divorce, (he decided so) 5 years passed, our paths crossed. From the beginning I was afraid of him, but then calmed down. Over the course of two years, we occasionally talked. And recently he invited me to meet. I accepted his offer. Everything seems to be normal, but from time to time I have a feeling of fear, memories of that ill-fated day. I don’t know how to be. How to overcome fear or leave? He is a good man, but the past haunts me.

Yesterday I was in the park with my wife. Everything was just wonderful. A bottle of good wine, the sun ... beloved and dear eyes opposite. Talk about our love, family ... about how dear and dear to each other. And then suddenly everything changed ... reproaches and hurtful words of the beloved. An alien and angry face opposite... I hug her, comfort her... breaks out, spitting in her face, grabs her neck, scratches her face, neck... I didn't think of anything but to slap her! And it started ... - "kill me!" ... "you want to kill me." Laughs, wild eyes. Well, to my shame, I slapped her. How they walked home is a different story ... trying to run away, grabbing trees, falling ... I hold her back !!! On the same day he apologized to her, asked for forgiveness! But he does not forgive and does not give a chance! And I just love her so much!

I quarreled with my husband yesterday, in general we often quarrel over money, my parents, methods of raising my son ... He used to raise his hand at me, he could give me a slap in the face, throw him, grab me by the throat. Kat yesterday again began to let go of his hands and grabbed a ceramic cup from the table and said that if he touches it I will hit him, he grabbed me by the throat and crushed it. I drank him with a cup, severely cut his eyebrow. Now I feel guilty, and I don’t know what to do next ((He was taken by an ambulance, I called her myself, and now I don’t know where he is. She answers her phone and he’s not in the hospital

We lived with a beloved man for three years, Previously, three times drunk, I could remove in the face, push, grab by the neck. I forgave. After each time he repented. I thought that just such an emotional person. But recently he came from a gathering drunk. We had a fight. He attacked me, strangled me, hit me on the head with the door while I was lying on the floor. He yelled that he would kill me and really killed me. Fortunately, they were not alone, three of his relatives dragged him away from me. I had to leave home at night so that he wouldn't kill me. As a result, two broken fingers, cartilage on the ear was torn, a concussion, the whole body was bruised, there was a huge hematoma on the head. She packed her things and left. After 4 days, he showed up, sobs, asks for forgiveness, says that alcohol is to blame for everything and he will never drink again. My soul is tearing from pain and longing, I loved him wildly. A week has passed, and all this time I simply do not live, but exist. Decided not to return, cut off all ties. I'll survive somehow. But I'm definitely not ready to die for such love at the next battle.

And my husband punched me in the stomach when he grabbed my hand, and I pulled my hand away. He said it was a defensive reaction.

Today my husband hit me on the back with a mop with all his might. I left many times and came back again. Three children

My husband could easily hit me in the face with his palm or fist on the legs. He always said that I was to blame and that I provoked him. Each time he hit harder and harder. After a recent slap in the face, I decided not to forgive. I don’t want to wake up next time, knowing his strength… I’m afraid of him. Now they are connected for life because of the child. She was to blame, from the very beginning there were no brains. Never tolerate abuse.

Evgenia! your children need a healthy mom, don't wait for your husband to cripple you!

I have been married to my husband for 10 years and have a son. He beat me 10 times all the time, and kicked him in the face, threw him down the stairs, once hit his shin with his fist so hard that after 4 years the bump does not fall off. The last time was half a year ago. Meanwhile, he allowed himself to insult me, kicked me out of the house. And all in front of the child. And once he was hit in the face, there was a bruise. In the morning I told my son that bruises adorn a man. Moreover, he did not show aggression not necessarily under the influence of alcohol. A month ago I decided to divorce. She left for the city. Naturally, he does not give rest with his persuasions and pleas to return to him, he agrees to all my conditions, etc. I don’t know what to do next. To believe, to give the last last chance or to start a new life without looking back to the past?

There was love with a man. Soul to soul. I didn't believe in luck. We lived together. We went to rest. They could not believe in the happiness of being there. It all started with promises and insults. Screams. Then jealousy. Just from the fact that "not in the spirit" I'm not God's dandelion, I could answer, but more often I tried to keep silent. On his part, regular provocations and conclusions to the conflict began. Gaslighting is a new word that has taken root very well in our world. After there was a slap. After a while, love again, trips, around the clock together and magical moments. Everything was forgotten. After a while, everything started again with a “bad mood”, he began to beat me on the cheeks and head. As a result, bruises under the eyes, nose bruises. He screamed the next day. I forgot everything. Then again, after a while, I hit him on the head and face. In three weeks. I have left. Of course, I love it a lot. It seems that demonism happened. So he is a wonderful person and this has never happened to him. I agree that a woman can bring a man to white heat. But beating a woman is not a reason anyway. There are no excuses. Especially if serious injuries, bruises and concussion. I have a crooked nose now. Also a chipped tooth. Girls, take care of yourself. Whatever we are, a man is usually stronger with us, and he must be responsible for his strength.

I confirm, hit once - then it will always hit one way or another. It's not a man, it's a dick. Leave immediately! I know only one example, when a man hit with a strong verbal provocation slightly and repented, did not raise his hand anymore, because the person really stumbled and fully atoned for his guilt. Don't be fooled by illusions. A normal man, if he does this, will himself disappear from a woman's life, tail between his legs, knowing full well that he is no longer a man, but a shameful creature.

Together for three years. During a quarrel, my husband hit me on the head from the palm of my hand, I fell from the blow. His hand is heavy. It was the first time. Then three days later he swung, but did not hit. I don't know what to do now. In the arms of a small child. By the way, hit in front of a child. Now it's disgusting to look at her husband, it's disgusting to be around. I cry as I remember the slap, it's very insulting. I'm afraid to leave, and I'm afraid to stay. Suddenly it hits again.

Everything is very individual, of course ... and in every family it is different ... I made a promise to myself that I would not allow my husband to hit me ever, since my father once beat my mother. Today he gave me a strong slap on the back of the head, and a couple of times he pushed and ran On the arm with demonic eyes. All this reaction was caused and provoked in part by me ... because I said that he was not pleased ... (did not concern him personally) It was just that the opinion I expressed was said at the wrong time and in the wrong place. And for the first time in 6.5 years, my husband really raised his hand to me. What is left to do?! So far, the first reaction is I pray for myself and for him ... we are a happy family ... we have a one-year-old child ... I remember only one promise to myself that I would not allow my husband to beat me. I don't know how to do it right? For my words, I apologized from the bottom of my heart to him in a letter ... but how to forgive him ... how to believe ... although he has not yet asked for forgiveness ... and God knows what is in his head ... but girls, life is such a thing, you don’t know what will happen tomorrow. But you need to love God and yourself. And the husband, the man who came, can leave like that, alas, we are all not related to our husbands by blood and we will never have such feelings as for children. Conclusion: try to be independent

we have been together for 13 years, we have a child, I and she have a good job, for the first ten years there were conflicts, but I didn’t raise my hand, then I got a job related to business trips, I began to be jealous a little and notice changes in it. Then the people around also began to talk about their comments to her (relatives). Then I began to look at my wife and her new way of life, so to speak. I saw photos with "colleagues" in an embrace and for the first time seriously, in the course of a conversation, hit her on the shoulder. I apologized, I forgave, but then it got worse. The first time was three years ago. Now, the day before yesterday, he attacked her for her unwillingness to go home for the night after a corporate party. I didn’t beat with a fist, but instructed a slap in the face. I don’t know what to do, I love her, I don’t want to get divorced. And it seems that I believe her, but she has become impudent and it is already stupid to deny it. Sorry son. She doesn't want to change jobs. How about with her? You all write here that your husbands are scum and villains, but the fact that wives are to blame and what to do with them ??? She tells everyone that I've been beating her all my life - but it's not like that !!! If you have any good advice, please post. The family is dying because of this

Unfortunately, situations where a husband systematically beats his wife are not uncommon. Many people believe that this is the lot of women who have connected their fate with an alcoholic or drug addict, however, as practice shows, assault occurs in quite prosperous, intelligent families.

Only a very small percentage of women make the final and irrevocable decision to leave their rowdy husband. Most of them prefer to endure beatings, following the incomprehensibly invented and harmful expression "Beats - it means loves." Does anyone really think that love and beatings are synonymous?

What to do if a husband beats his wife? What should women do in such cases? What decision to make so as not to harm yourself and children?

Why does a husband beat his wife

There is no single answer to this question. The most common reasons that prompt a man to raise his hand to a woman are:

Parent example. If your husband has watched his father beat his mother since childhood, he will consider such behavior to be the norm and practice it in his own family.
Self-affirmation at the expense of his wife. Most likely, the man is not realized professionally. By beating and morally humiliating a woman, he demonstrates his strength and takes out the accumulated grievances.
Alcohol. Abundant libations can provoke a surge of aggression, while a person does not control himself.
Disobedience and disagreement of the wife. The tyrant man believes that the spouse must completely obey him and strictly comply with his requirements. The woman's disobedience infuriates him.
Freedom and independence of the wife. The financial independence and external attractiveness of a woman acts on a notorious and weak man like a red rag on an angry bull.
Jealousy. No matter how modestly a woman dresses, it will still seem to the jealous that her skirt is too short, her blouse is transparent and provocative. The wife's behavior also causes irritation: she talked on the phone for a long time (is it not with her lover?), looked at an unfamiliar man, stayed at work. No explanations and justifications will help, a jealous person will still inflate an elephant out of a fly.
Taking out anger and irritation on a weak partner. Troubles at work, the husband will not be slow to take out on his wife - after all, she still will not give him a rebuff.
Takes pleasure in manhandling. There is a type of men who like to spread rot and beat women, including on the head, inflict pain and suffering on them, and show their strength.
Provocation from the wife. Sometimes a woman is to blame for a fight, provoking her husband in every possible way with reproaches, offensive words, being well aware of his temper.

These are the main reasons why a husband beats his wife. The statistics are such that in 30% of families, husbands at least once in their lives raised their hands against their wives. A woman should calmly and sensibly analyze the situation. If the beating happened once, then there is no guarantee that it will not happen again.

Many ladies try to justify the actions of their beloved, motivating it like this: “If a husband beats his wife, it’s all nerves. It happens to everyone? The main thing is that he changed his mind, asked for forgiveness, this will not happen again. This is an illusion, self-deception. A domestic tyrant will never stop, no matter how complaisant and patient a woman is. Even if for some time he calms down, the slightest reason will prompt him to take up the old again.

What to do if a husband beats his woman? Can the problem be solved? Yes, of course, you can, provided that the spouses love each other and want to save the family. If they are not able to resolve the issue on their own, it makes sense to contact a psychologist who will analyze the situation, understand the origins of the problem and give professional advice.

If a woman is aware that this will never end, she has two ways. The first is to get a divorce, to throw the aggressor husband out of your life once and for all and try to improve your personal life, but without him. The second is to continue to endure domestic violence, endangering yourself and your children. However, one “beautiful” day it may happen that no one can help her anymore.

Why does the wife suffer beatings

There are a lot of reasons why women do not leave their tyrant husband. Most wives justify the behavior of their spouses, they say, this is a matter of life, everyone lives like that. This is a common misconception. Why take as a basis a model of behavior inherent in dysfunctional families? Women who justify their husbands in this way either have low self-esteem, or they simply like to be in the role of a victim.

Systematic beatings are not at all the norm, not a single representative of the beautiful half of humanity is obliged to endure this, every woman deserves to be loved and treated with respect.

The presence of children in the family is a strong motive for the preservation of the family. Many women believe that children need a father, so their task is to save the marriage with all their might and wean their husband to fight. But is the child happy, is it possible to be calm for his psyche if he is forced to watch his father beat his mother? Hardly. Children understand everything perfectly and see that their mother is unhappy.

Moreover, it leaves an imprint on their future family life. In adulthood, the son will beat his wife in the same way, and the daughter will unquestioningly endure bullying and violence from her husband.

No matter how much a woman loves her husband, she must honestly answer herself the question: “Is it worth it to maintain a relationship with a man whose behavior endangers the well-being of children?” Understand that if a father sincerely loves his son or daughter, he will help financially, communicate with them even after your separation.

And one more thing: a child without a father is bad, but it will be even worse for him without a mother. After all, cases of death of women at the hands of an aggressor blinded by the rage are not uncommon.

Many wives are afraid of losing their financial well-being, especially if they do not work and are completely dependent on their husband. It cannot be denied that material well-being is important, first of all, for children, but it is not known what is worse for them - a secure existence, but daily observation of the mockery of their mother, or limited means, but psychological comfort.

If you are afraid that you will not be able to provide the children with everything necessary, then do not worry, the court will oblige the husband to pay child support for minor children. If you are driven only by mercantile interest, the fear that you personally will have to give up many benefits, well, then you are unlikely to leave your golden cage of your own free will.

You should not believe the oaths and promises of your husband that he will change, you just need to give him a chance. Perhaps with age, a man will become more restrained and learn to keep his emotions under control, but how long this will have to wait is unknown. It is extremely naive to expect that a miracle will happen and a man will turn from a domestic tyrant into a gentle and understanding spouse.

Often the husband begins to blackmail his wife, threatening that he will do something to himself. As a rule, a man understands that you are one step away from leaving him, and simply puts pressure on pity and sympathy. Be prudent. Your husband is an adult and is quite capable of giving an account of his actions. Have pity on yourself, you can’t force yourself to be with a person out of pity and play the role of a nanny all your life.

The opposite situation is also very common, when a husband threatens his wife with violence. Do not succumb to intimidation and blackmail, urgently take the children and go to a safe place, where the tyrant cannot find you.

Many wives, being in a position, are afraid to leave their husband, not realizing that only a man who has lost his human appearance is able to raise his hand against a pregnant woman. In this case, the girl risks not only herself, but also the health of the unborn baby. The decision must be made immediately: to leave the tyrant, to undergo a medical examination, on the basis of which to go to court.

Husband beats: how and where to go?

Getting rid of the aggressor will not be so easy. If you manage to do this without scandals, consider yourself very lucky. It is unlikely that a tyrant husband will calmly let go of his victim. In most cases, men begin to threaten, harass, intimidate, and by all means return the recalcitrant woman to the family in order to continue to mock her.

If you have made the decision to part with your spouse and you know his reaction in advance, start saving money and do not keep it at home, give it to people you trust for safekeeping. Prepare the necessary documents (passport, birth certificates of children, marriage certificate) and also take them to a safe place, for example, reserve a safe deposit box in a bank.

What if there's nowhere to go? If you are unable to purchase or rent a home right away, ask relatives or friends to temporarily host you until you resolve the issue.

If you were previously a housewife, urgently get a job, earn money to equip your own nest. The ideal option is to move to another city. This is not so easy to implement, but it will be more difficult for an ex-husband to find you.

You can turn to the state and public organizations, to crisis centers for help.

Try to leave immediately, do not linger for a minute, delay threatens with serious consequences. Do not endanger your own life and the lives of your children.

Where to look for help from a rowdy husband

If a terrible thing happened, and a woman was beaten and humiliated by her husband, who was in a state of intoxication or passion, the first thing she needs to do is escape from the hands of the aggressor, try to run out of the apartment with her children. Feel free to call for help, knock on neighbors' doors and ask for the police.

If, after another beating, you are determined to cut these relationships, know that you have to go through the judicial and law enforcement authorities along the following chain:

contacting the police, filing a statement that your husband beats you;
medical examination and removal of beatings;
contacting a lawyer who will represent you in court;
court hearing.

These are not very pleasant procedures, but you need to go through them. The fact is that the police, without much enthusiasm, intervene in family scandals, considering them to be domestic showdowns. For the intervention of the prosecutor's office, very good reasons are needed, which will be your medical examination.

Look for witnesses who can testify to your abuse. It can be relatives, friends, neighbors who were eyewitnesses to scandals and fights.

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Beat means love. In real life, such female psychology does not look funny at all.

What can you advise a woman against whom her husband raised his hand? Is there a way out in this situation?

Dear readers! Our articles talk about typical ways to resolve legal issues, but each case is unique.

If you want to know how to solve exactly your problem - contact the online consultant form on the right or call the numbers below. It's fast and free!

What to do if he beats his pregnant wife?

Only a moral monster who has lost everything human can raise a hand against a pregnant woman. But, unfortunately, such cases do occur. If this happened you should protect yourself and your unborn child as soon as possible.

Need urgently:

first, hide from her husband,
secondly, take care of obtaining a medical examination
take the case to court as soon as possible.

The court will make a decision based on what harm was done to the woman's health, whether the beatings affected the condition of the unborn baby.

If a drunk insults and beats his wife, what to do?

A drunken husband is a real disaster for many women.. It's good if he's just, as they say, a quiet drunkard (although there's nothing good about that either). And if he starts to threaten, scandalize, rowdy, even dissolve his hands in a fusel dope?

Every woman has her own ways to survive a drunken brawl. Someone grabs the children and runs away to their mother, someone hides with the neighbors and waits for the drunkard to fall asleep. Part of you can hear the excuse that when sober - this is a "golden man."

If you want to live with a "golden man" - treat him! Fight addiction, do not provoke drunkenness with feasts for various reasons, lead a healthy lifestyle. Perhaps you will be able to snatch your husband from the clutches of the "green snake".

The main thing here is not to forgive, not to attribute everything to a difficult life. Do not tolerate antics because of children. For children, this drunken man is even more dangerous. Remember, time is not on your side here.

If the scandal cannot be resolved, act:

first thing to do - to call the police;
then record the fact of assault;
further necessarily contact a qualified lawyer.

Only the lawyer will be able to prove the social danger of her husband, and the court will be able to send him for compulsory treatment. Everything is complicated by the fact that you can’t send it to any medical facility, it’s also a sobering-up station, since only the court can direct to treatment against the will of the patient.

The main thing is not to close your eyes to his antics, not to run away to "sit out" to a friend, but call the police every time to prove the fact of an administrative offense.

The more often a drunk person attracted the attention of law enforcement officers, the easier it is to prove that he is an alcoholic and needs compulsory treatment.

Sometimes the police don't respond properly. Demand a written refusal from them and go to court on your own. Here, any evidence of the social danger of your husband will come to your aid - this is testimony, medical certificates, and the act of the district police officer.

Remember - your fate is in your hands.

If you do not want to be a victim of violence, contact law enforcement agencies, lawyers and you will be heard. Do not take away applications and do not forgive your husband - after all, once he raised his hand to you and did not receive punishment, he will do it again and again.

Domestic violence is often overlooked. If a husband beats his wife, she often hides it from strangers. Why? It's embarrassing, embarrassing. You can't tell a friend about this over a cup of tea. Sometimes the closest relatives do not realize what a nightmare a woman is going through day after day, until they accidentally notice bruises and abrasions on her.

Why do some husbands beat their wives?

Aggression in the family does not come from nowhere. It does not happen that a caring, loving father of a family suddenly changes for no reason, instantly turning into a cruel tyrant capable of raising a hand against the mother of his children.

Aggression, lack of self-control, explosive nature often have a psychological basis. Psychologists talk about the existence of two types of male aggressors:

Men are pit bulls. This type accumulates aggression gradually. The scandal begins with swearing and reproaches, grows and ends with beatings. In this case, the husband is psychologically very dependent on his wife, but he lacks respect for her as a person. It is extremely difficult for a woman in such a relationship: she has to follow her every word, gesture and look. The dissatisfied tyrant still finds something to complain about and provokes another scandal with beatings.
Men are "cobras". This type is more difficult and more dangerous than the first, although it is somewhat less common. The use of force occurs unexpectedly, without previous quarrels and verbal showdown, outwardly the man is absolutely calm. He does not feel remorse even after he beat his wife.

Why is there violence? If a husband often beats his wife, it means that he feels power over her. Low self-esteem, the presence of complexes push a man to demonstrate his superiority over the weak.

Nature has laid in the male character the desire for self-affirmation. Each person chooses ways to increase self-esteem on his own: to climb the career ladder, achieve success and recognition in sports, business, or assert himself at the expense of his wife and children, humiliating and beating them. The dissatisfaction with life of the unrecognized genius aggressively spills out at home, as if proving that he is worth something.

From the point of view of psychology, male aggression is provoked by the following reasons:

What to do if the husband beats: divorce or stay and try to rectify the situation, each woman decides on her own. There are those for whom one time, a single blow, is enough to break off relations. Such women love and respect themselves, and are sure that once having crossed the boundaries of what is permissible, the husband will no longer be able to stop. This means that physical violence will be repeated. Other wives live with tyrants, finding excuses and forgiving cruelty, decide to re-educate him or dutifully accept the situation.

Psychologist's advice will help to break the vicious circle of domestic violence:

Where can I go if my spouse has beaten me?

Women are stopped by the fear of the unknown, loneliness. Wives who are financially dependent on their husbands and have nowhere to go feel they are stuck in a dead end and see no way out, while husbands continue to mock, feeling their dominance. There is always a way out:

Seek help from relatives or close friends. They can find temporary shelter.
In big cities, you can turn to crisis centers to help victims of domestic violence for support. In the event of a critical situation, one can find shelter and protection there, receive legal and psychological assistance, and assistance in finding a job.
8-800-100-49-940 - All-Russian crisis hotline for women, working around the clock.

The procedure for the victim when contacting law enforcement agencies

It is necessary to act in case of beatings clearly, this will help to punish the offender according to the law. The procedure is as follows:

What threatens the tyrant?

The legislation provides for bringing to responsibility for assault, physical and moral harm.

Depending on the circumstances of the beating, after a criminal trial, the perpetrator of the beating may be charged with:

infliction of intentional light harm to health (Article 115 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
infliction of intentional moderate harm to health (Article 112 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
infliction of intentional grievous bodily harm (Article 111 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
beatings (Article 116 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
torture (Article 117 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation);
threat of murder or infliction of grievous bodily harm (Article 119 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation).

An inadequate spouse will be given a formal warning. He will be put on record, tracking his behavior in the future.

The court, on the basis of the materials of the case, taking into account the severity of the damage and injuries, as well as the moral damage caused, will impose a punishment on the aggressor. It could be:

a fine of up to 40 thousand rubles;
compulsory public works;
correctional work;
arrest;
deprivation of liberty.

Remember, it is possible to change the behavior of a husband who beats his wife only if the man himself strives for this, if he understands the inadmissibility of his actions and huge inner work on his part. In other cases, the only way to maintain health, a strong nervous system, and sometimes even life, is divorce.

The modern world is difficult to imagine without the manifestation of aggression. People face this negative phenomenon almost everywhere. The rudeness of drivers, visitors standing in line at a clinic or store, etc. is not particularly surprising. Fortunately, such episodes, as a rule, are perceived as nothing more than ordinary situations and are quickly erased from our memory.

Family aggression is seen in a completely different way. And although women have suffered from the beatings of their husbands at all times, enduring, slowly passing away and not complaining about violence, today, in our enlightened age, such a thing is simply unthinkable. Each of the family members, being at home, should feel completely safe, enjoying the warmth and comfort of the atmosphere that warms his home. But what if the husband beats his wife? Let's try to understand this issue.

Pathological causes of aggression

Unfortunately, violence in modern families is far from uncommon. Few people are surprised by the fact that a man beats a woman, whether she is a legal wife or just a lover. Moreover, the beatings themselves are carefully hidden by many ladies. This happens mainly because of the fear of public opinion.

As a result, a painful situation arises in the family, and the problem is not solved. And not only adults suffer from this. Domestic violence also has a negative impact on children.

In order for a woman to understand what to do if her husband beats her, one should first of all get an answer to the question of what pushes a man to do this, who until recently promised to love and protect his chosen one.

Psychologists clearly distinguish between cases where aggression exists in the family all the time or was only an isolated case. If we consider the first option, then most likely the domestic tyrant has serious mental or behavioral disorders. But if the second situation takes place, then it is unlikely that it will be possible to express an unambiguous opinion here.

Unfortunately, in modern society, no one teaches girls how they should choose their husband. Because of this, marriage is sometimes formalized literally with the first comer. And only after a few months of living together, a woman begins to realize what kind of person her husband is.

However, everyone can guess about the likelihood of a problem of domestic violence even before the wedding, drawing attention to the strange behavior of her betrothed. For example, there is nothing surprising in the fact that a man looks at other women. This is done by many representatives of the strong half of humanity. But at the same time, not everyone will peep into other people's windows or start the day with a glass of alcohol.

Why does a husband beat his wife? The psychology of this phenomenon allows us to identify the following most common causes:

Finding a man in a state of intoxication. In this case, the habitual restraint of the spouse seems to dissolve under the influence of alcohol. At the same time, previously pent-up discontent and hidden grievances break out.
Chronic alcoholism. Such a state inevitably leads to the degradation of the individual. And this, in turn, completely destroys a person's value system.
Mental illness. In this case, even a psychiatrist is not always able to help.

If at least one of the cases described above takes place, then the woman should seriously think about whether she should stay in the family. Most likely, she needs to run away from her husband as soon as possible, to whom it is simply impossible to help. Often, many women take the path of self-sacrifice. And this is their big mistake. They make every effort to save their loved one, often losing health, and sometimes even life.

If the husband beats, where to turn? Today, specialized anti-crisis centers operate in many cities. They are designed for victims of domestic violence. This is where a woman can turn for help.

Alcoholism

It is worth dwelling on this reason for family tyranny in more detail. After all, alcohol often turns a loving husband into a cruel person who revels in his power. Based on the available statistics, in most families in which the spouse suffers from alcoholism, conflicts, as a rule, end not just in fights, but also in causing quite serious physical injuries. It should be borne in mind that the person who literally does not part with a glass is even capable of killing if he shows aggression.

But is it worth it to immediately break off family relations if a husband beats his wife while intoxicated? Such an opinion sounds from TV screens and often appears in print media. However, in this case, psychologists are advised to pay attention to subsequent events. There are men who, after they sober up, are aware of their actions. They understand all the consequences of such actions and show complete readiness to get rid of vices. In this situation, the woman, by her departure, will only aggravate the condition of her husband, who, quite possibly, will attempt suicide.

But it also happens that the husband still does not realize his mistake. In this case, the woman is advised to immediately break off the relationship. After all, she was the first to suffer from domestic violence, and in the future, children can also become victims. Such behavior of the father will leave a negative imprint on their psyche for the rest of their lives. In addition, psychologists warn that aggression with each new episode will only increase its strength. And this, sooner or later, can lead to the most tragic consequences.

Jealousy

Why does a husband beat his wife? Sometimes the reason for this is banal jealousy. In such cases, the beatings are intermittent. Sometimes a woman herself provokes a man to such a manifestation of aggression. This happens if she herself gives him a reason for jealousy.

A well-known proverb says: "He beats, so he loves." Is it so? If a husband beats his wife, the psychology of such a phenomenon does not at all indicate passionate love. Such manifestations of aggression only testify to the mental pain that the spouse is unable to cope with.

Somewhere, humanly, a domestic tyrant can be understood. To do this, the victim of violence only needs to remember what she experienced at the moment when she was jealous of her husband for a random stranger or girlfriend. Only then will she understand his behavior. However, if the situation repeats itself again and again, and there were no real grounds for jealousy, then the woman must decide whether she should keep the family, or is it better to leave her husband.

For those who want to maintain a relationship, psychologists recommend completely reconsidering the style of communication with a spouse. But if there is any doubt about the need for this, then you should think carefully about whether it is worth living with a person you do not love?

A real man?

According to psychologists, women, who fought for their equality for a long time, achieved a complete victory. In modern society, men have been deprived of the opportunity to occupy the leading positions for which they, in fact, were born. And for some of them, physical aggression is almost the only way to prove their worth and power over their soulmate.

This is hardly an excuse when considering the question, "Why does a husband beat his wife?" After all, a reasonable person will not assert himself by applying force to a weak partner. He is likely to look for work to his liking and create an environment in the family in which it would never occur to anyone to defend his own superiority. If at the same time the lady does everything to help her chosen one, then it will be completely fine.

There is another reason why a husband beats his wife. Psychology considers it in connection with an attempt at humiliating or rude control by the spouse. Sometimes ladies behave as if men are obliged to constantly go on about their mood and fulfill all whims. And sometimes a woman openly, and in a vulgar form, demonstrates her superiority. Can she then say: "My husband does not love me"? No. Indeed, many men simply cannot stand such behavior.

Fortunately, in such a situation, not every representative of the strong half of humanity decides to assault. But a woman must understand that her constant dissatisfaction with her husband will certainly become the main cause of conflicts in the family. And it is likely that the fact that the spouse raised his hand to his chosen one indicates his despair. A normal man is unlikely to be able to live with someone because of whom he is not able to fully control his emotions. In this case, a woman will need to reconsider her behavior.

Is she to blame?

As you can see, answer the question: “Why does a husband beat his wife?” Psychologists definitely can't. Is it possible that the lady herself is the cause of domestic violence? Yes. This happens, and quite often. This happens primarily due to the fact that a woman takes the position of a victim. She believes that she is good for nothing, which is why she can be treated quite rudely. What to do in such a situation? Psychologists recommend that a woman immediately begin work on gaining self-confidence. Otherwise, aggression will occur in any of her chosen ones.

A man beats a woman in those cases when she behaves inappropriately. With his aggression, the husband tries to bring her to her senses, not finding any other way to do it.

Sometimes a husband beats his wife for deliberately causing her mental pain, slander, rudeness and insults. What should ladies do in this case? First of all, think about whether there is something in their behavior that exposes you to a blow? Indeed, sometimes for family well-being it becomes sufficient to make relationships more sincere and better. And far from always in such a situation it is possible to unequivocally state: "My husband does not love me."

Relationship between parents

If a woman complains: "My husband is mocking me," she should also consider the psychological background of her behavior. There is an opinion that girls always try to recreate in their family the model of relations that existed in the parental home. However, this is not at all the case. According to the results of the survey, most victims of domestic violence in childhood did not have enough motherly love. The chosen ones of women who grew up in such conditions are most often men who have faced similar life difficulties. Because of this similarity, a strong emotional bond is established between partners. The girl believes that the chosen one will certainly understand all her emotions, experiences and feelings. But the reality is not so rosy at all. Such a connection only means that the tyrant has chosen the ideal victim for himself.

Experts believe that in such a relationship between a husband and wife there is such a strong psychological bond that it becomes impossible to break it. During periods of calm, violent passion and emotional attachment flare up between them. At this time, lovers stop paying attention to the whole world around them and seem to dissolve into each other. With a long marriage, such a relationship becomes even stronger. It is becoming more and more difficult for a woman to find a way out of this situation. But the longer the marriage lasts, the more pronounced the violence caused by "love" becomes. It is the emotional connection that exists between the spouses that makes the victim believe in all the repeated promises that the beatings will remain in the past.

Such a model of behavior is considered one of the signs of the manifestation of the "Stockholm syndrome". The wife is afraid of her husband, but at the same time constantly finds excuses for his horrific behavior, going through humiliation and beatings.

Why do representatives of the weaker half of humanity forgive physical harm to their health? This fact is explained by the manifestation of emotional dependence. In such families, as a rule, the man forbids his wife to work. This leads to the fact that her social circle is significantly reduced, and she is deprived of the material foundation for leading an independent life in the event of a divorce. If the wife tries to leave the family, then this threatens her with new beatings. After all, a man is also psychologically dependent on his chosen one.

prone to tyranny

What personality traits does a man possess who is capable of showing aggression? The desire to dominate is characteristic of:

epileptoids. This type of personality is characterized by a tendency to get annoyed because of all sorts of little things. Such people are accustomed to order, pedantic, stingy and vindictive. It's quite easy to get them out. For this, any oversight on the part of the chosen one is enough. Epileptoids simply love to find fault with various manifestations of feelings, emotions, as well as the actions of a woman. As their spouse, they choose those ladies who have similar personality traits or occupy a high social status. Such men see an equal person in the chosen one. That is why the respect of the spouse ladies should be earned. Other women are unlikely to be able to live with a man who resolves disputes with his fists.
paranoid personality. These are embittered and suspicious people, prone to groundless jealousy. A woman who marries such a man should be prepared for constant claims and reproaches. Psychologists note that at the initial stage of the relationship, their husband does not humiliate them at all. On the contrary, he creates an image of a noble and courteous personality. However, later this person shows his sadistic inclinations, experiencing real pleasure from violence. Psychologists warn that such men first hurt, and then apologize for their actions for a very long time. Moreover, tearful prayers uttered on their knees bring them as much pleasure as the subsequent pouring out of accumulated aggression on their spouse. If a woman is not ready to accept such rules of the game, then the consequences of such an alliance will be quite difficult for her.

What else can be called, based on the advice of a psychologist, signs of a tyrant husband? A spouse's propensity for aggression can be caused by the following factors:

existing traumatic brain injury;
tough approach to the educational process;
scandals of parents, which often ended in beatings;
poor performance while studying at school;
a problem with discipline in childhood, as well as a manifestation of aggression against living beings;
lack of empathy for the people around them.

What advice can psychologists give? The signs of a tyrant husband listed above, in their opinion, are not always a prerequisite for the occurrence of violence. If the spouse has a strong will, then he will carefully control his behavior, emotions and feelings. However, with a long-term influence of psycho-emotional stress and stress factors, the birth of a monster is quite possible. Hence the important advice: try to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the family if this person is dear to you. As practice shows, in any conflicts, most often both partners are to blame. A woman often, without realizing it, acts as a provocateur.

Specialists also identify several types of men who contribute to the appearance of a victim in a woman. Let's consider them in more detail.

depreciating

Such men try by any means to level the achievements of women. Sometimes this is done even indirectly. This is expressed, for example, in ugly statements about his chosen one in a circle of friends, in ignoring and devaluing her actions. The husband humiliates his wife, while rising in his eyes. Psychologists explain this behavior by the fact that in their hearts such spouses remain insecure boys, afraid that the woman will leave them.

If such a man begins to criticize his lady of the heart, saying that the dinner is too hot or the children are not brought up as they should, and she begins to apologize to him, then the situation will certainly escalate later. After all, a woman begins to play the role of a victim. How should she deal with this? Try not to react to his remarks. Indeed, otherwise the husband will mock his wife even more.

Destructive sadist

At the beginning of family relationships, they are wonderful spouses. However, some time passes, and the wife begins to complain that her husband hits her in the face. After that, he begins to literally crawl on his knees and ask for forgiveness. And after a short period of time, he again raises his hand to his spouse, and his actions are on the rise. Such a sadist does not seek to break off relations. It always works according to the same scenario. At first he beats, then heals (gives flowers or expensive gifts), and then mocks with even greater force. Often women do not leave such men, believing that everything can still be fixed. But in this they are gravely mistaken.

collapsing

And such a man needs to be saved himself. The collapsing type includes drug addicts and alcoholics, workaholics and people addicted to games. They are not recognized in society and are hopeless in all respects.

There are quite a few options for solving the problems that women choose. For example, they begin to degrade along with a man, grabbing a glass or a cigarette. And the chosen one begins to pull along. A woman can also be strong by investing money, time and love in her husband. But most often infantile men after a certain period go to another. Woman Her soul is devastated, and her health is undermined, if not completely lost.