Hello! I don't know what I live for. My strength is no more, there is no meaning in life. In 2002, my 19 year old son died. In 2010, her husband died. One loss. Nobody understands me. Everyone thinks I'm fine. And I constantly ask the god of death. I know it's a big sin. There is also a son, he is 25 years old, but he does not need me, he only comes in when he needs money. Helping me does nothing. It's my own fault that I raised him like that. Because after the death of her eldest son, she was constantly afraid for him. And now he lives in a civil marriage. He got such a bitch that he is under her heel. He cooks himself, he cleans himself, and she constantly asks for money. Blatant horror. I’ll start talking to my son about her, he snaps, but he can’t do anything. Says he loves her. And when they quarrel, she kicks him out and the son comes home. If she gets drunk, she leaves her pain, and the next day she goes to her again, like a calf on a leash. I can't watch all this anymore. I don't need anyone. Previously, we communicated well with my sister, but as her life began to improve, I became superfluous. I don't know where to go. I do not want to live, I constantly think about suicide. It's very hard for me to be alone.

Hello Galina.

You had to go through a lot of grief. But you persevered. And this commands respect. And now, it is felt, a strong depression has seized you. It hurts so much to feel abandoned, lonely and useless. Life seems meaningless. At such moments, it is very important that someone is nearby, that someone supports, shares your sadness. If you do not have such a person to whom you could turn for help, then you can turn to a psychologist. You may even need medication to deal with this condition. You need to take care of yourself.

It's a shame that your son doesn't help you, that he doesn't listen to you. This is unfair and embarrassing. But something can be fixed. If you still give money to your son, leave him with you when he does not get along with a girl, then you have the right to demand some care and help from him. This is normal, healthy selfishness. When adult children no longer receive so much from their parents as they give. Otherwise, he will never have the opportunity to learn to take responsibility for himself. And, for example, he will never learn to say “no” to a girl when there is no money. And he will never learn to overcome his pain without guilt. You can't live life without pain, you know that. Who better than you will teach your son to live. As long as we live, we can at least fix something.

Galina, you need to cope with this condition, and you can do it, as you could 13 years ago, and 4 years ago. The pain will definitely subside, despair will go away and the desire to live will come. And everything will be different if you want it.

Sincerely

Paryugina Oksana Vladimirovna, psychologist in Ivanovo

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Galina, good time. What you have experienced and continue to experience is terrible... Of course, it's hard to imagine how hard it is for you... I don't think that people around you think that everything is fine with you. In painful experiences, a person, as a rule, feels completely alone. Especially since you are really, really lonely right now. Unfortunately, the son does not please, but on the contrary, upsets. But nevertheless, Galina, it is felt that you are a very strong person, you manage to cope with your suicidal thoughts. Of course, in such difficult life situations it is difficult to find the meaning to stay in this world. But there is a point. Your son needs you very much. Despite the fact that he lives the way he lives, comes to you only for help, he probably loves you very much. You are the only one left of his relatives. He also suffered the loss of his brother, his father. It is also difficult for him, but he may not speak about it directly, but in the depths of his soul, suffer. He has a mother he can count on now. And like something, he runs to his mother. This is a very serious reason that can give meaning to your life. Alone, it is really difficult to cope with such experiences. Therefore, it is worth contacting a psychologist for support. In every major city there are crisis centers where they provide free psychological assistance. Or find a paid psychologist. It all depends on the possibilities. But you need to help yourself, Galina! I wish you courage and strength. Sincerely.

Silina Marina Valentinovna, Ivanovo psychologist

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Hello Galina! There is a lot of longing and pain in your letter. Yes, there are many trials in your life. Burying a son and a husband is very difficult. And you did it, you survived. However, now melancholy has risen again - this is a symptom. It is important to understand what your condition tells you. Yes, the son has a difficult wife - but he loves her, they live together, it is likely that you will have grandchildren. You write that your sister now, having adjusted her life, moved away. But maybe you have girlfriends?

Galina, you, unfortunately, do not write whether you work. It is also important: whether you are experiencing menopause, or perhaps you have some kind of disease. If not, then very well. However, sometimes our female depressive states are associated with the hormonal background, with the menopause. Galina, if you haven't been to the doctor for a long time, you should get checked, to exclude the physical causes of your condition.

Galina, thoughts of suicide can come from despair and fatigue. It is unlikely that you will be comforted by the words: "There is no burden beyond your strength." However, perhaps you are going through another test, of which there are many in our human life. And then, after the dark stages, a bright streak necessarily comes. If it is difficult for you to wait for it alone, contact a practical psychologist. Sincerely,

Gorbashova Svetlana Vasilievna, psychologist in Ivanovo

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It is very difficult to be alone when everyone around is in full swing with their personal lives. You may feel the need to find a new partner or just feel lonely. It does not matter whether you continue to be single or find a new partner, you should learn to take care of yourself and understand that a person can live a fulfilling life without a significant other. Even if you are not in a relationship and you live alone, this does not mean isolation and loneliness!

Steps

Part 1

End the relationship

Think about yourself. If a partner treats you cruelly or you do not feel happy next to him, then there comes a time when you should insist on your own and make the most correct decision.

• People may maintain unhealthy relationships because of guilt, financial situation, or shared children. It is important to realize that you are actually trapping yourself when you focus on such fears.
• You can start small: develop your own ideas, make decisions that benefit you, and spend more time without your partner.

1. Overcome the fear of the unknown. Often people are in no hurry to end long-term relationships for the reason that they have lost the habit of being alone and are afraid of an unknown future after breaking up. In order to start living without your significant other, you need to be brave and accept the uncertainty of the future.

   • If you are not yet ready to end the relationship, then try focusing on compassion for yourself. If you make a conscious effort and do things that give you joy, then later you will become stronger and will be able to make an important decision.
   • Do not force yourself if you have not yet gathered strength and cannot end the relationship right now. Negative self-image will only undermine self-confidence and complicate the situation.

2. Study yourself. For some people, loneliness gives more happiness than relationships, and there is nothing wrong with that. If you are comfortable living alone and without a partner, then do not force yourself to necessarily be with someone. And if loneliness is not to your liking, this is a great opportunity to understand what you really value in life.

   Part 2

   Take care of yourself

   1. Become independent. If your relationship has been long enough, then you've probably relied on your partner a lot, whether it's lawn care, cooking, or paying bills. Now you will have to do it yourself. Make a list of the things your partner has done and learn how to do them in order of priority.

      • Independence inspires and inspires! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and remember that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. Even if you get into a relationship again in the future, you can take care of yourself in any situation.
      • Don't be discouraged by the amount of things that have fallen on your head, and don't be afraid to ask friends, family, or neighbors for help if you don't know something.
      • Financial independence can be difficult if you previously lived on the income of a partner. Carefully study the available budget and try to find items of expenditure on which you can save. For example, a small apartment is enough for one person. You can also learn to cook on your own and stop eating in restaurants. You can rent an apartment together with friends.

   2. Pay attention to other relationships. The absence of the second half does not mean at all that no one needs you. Moreover, single people tend to have stronger relationships with friends, relatives and neighbors than married people. Surround yourself with loved ones to avoid isolation and loneliness.

      Protect yourself from negativity. There is a common misconception that people get lonely just because they can't find a partner, but in many cases this is a conscious decision. If you live without a partner for a long time, then you will surely meet people who believe that something is wrong with you. You can't change the way society thinks about relationships, so it's best to just ignore that kind of discrimination.

Question to the psychologist:

The psychologist Gladkova Elena Nikolaevna answers the question.

Unfortunately, I can't address you by your first name, because you obviously didn't use your name. And, despite the dissonance that has arisen between the name and the events described, or rather the real participant in them, I will try to help you understand what is happening.

I understand that in your life now is not the best and most understandable period in life - complex and incomprehensible relationships with men, problems with business, searching for yourself. What to do? How to proceed? Where to begin? What about relationships? There are more questions than answers. And yet, in order to understand what to do, how to act, you need to answer some of them, or at least try to determine for yourself the most important and requiring an extraordinary decision.

I recommend starting with relationships. Analyze what these relationships were for you, what you would like from them or what you don’t like about them. Take a look around you. Is everything in your life going the way you wanted? Did the relationship help you to know yourself, realize yourself and your plans for life. Do they have potential and are you ready to realize this potential. In my professional opinion, if relationships do not develop a person, then sooner or later they collapse, become a burden for all participants and do not bring happiness. It is human nature to want to be happy. Therefore, he is looking for ways to achieve this happiness. True, each of us has his own understanding of happiness and his own way to it. Then a number of questions arise: What is happiness for you? What should it be? If, after answering these questions, you come to the conclusion that there are many things in your life that do not correspond to your idea of ​​\u200b\u200bhappiness, perhaps this will give you strength and determination to change the situation. And the answer to the question "What to do?" will become obvious to you and the main thing will be to take the right steps to implement it. If for you everything that happens is just temporary difficulties and misunderstandings with your loved one, mistakes from which no one is immune on the way to your own happiness, then the decision will be clear for you - to fight for relationships, work on them, on their development, supporting each other and guided by love and respect.

Each step of a person is made by him based on his understanding of life and happiness. Therefore, the responsibility for these steps should be realized by him.

The Chinese have a good saying - From every situation, even a hopeless situation, there are at least two ways out! So your situation necessarily has its own decision, but you will have to make it yourself, relying only on your own feelings and desires, guided by your experience and your understanding of life in all its manifestations - morality, duties, needs and opportunities.

Just as a long journey begins with the first step, so changes in life begin with the decision to change it! And let your decision be balanced and conscious. Be guided not so much by the norms and rules of society as by your own needs and aspirations. I am sure that you will make the right choice that will make your life full and happy.

4.75 Rating 4.75 (2 votes)

My name is Natalya.
I am 55 years old and I have been retired for a year now. I dreamed of a happy and work-free life with my husband.
I thought that we would live for ourselves and restore our health. But everything turned out differently. My husband had a heart operation - I nursed him for six months. After treatment in the hospital, he was sent for treatment to a sanatorium, where he met a young woman, 15 years younger than him (she was not married and has no children), upon returning from the sanatorium, he files for divorce with me and leaves for her in another city.

For me it was a blow. He didn't even spare his daughter. He left his family on the day of his daughter's marriage. We have been married to him for 30 years. And, having received such a betrayal, I lost interest in life. For the first three months, I traveled to the monasteries, prayed, asked for his return. I called him twice and asked him to come back, and he only humiliated me. It's been 9 months since he left, and I'm still crying and tormenting myself with thoughts of his return.

I am ready to forgive everything and accept him, if only he was there. I understand that I began to idealize him, but I can not do anything.
He is constantly in my thoughts day and night. I exhaust myself with these thoughts. I'm very tired of everything. I was left all alone. The children have scattered from the parental nest, creating their own families, and live very far from me. I can no longer work for health reasons.
I try to occupy myself with beadwork of the faces of saints, I go to church. And at the same time I continue to sin, constantly thinking about him.
My strength is already running out, there were thoughts of suicide, but so far common sense takes its toll. But sometimes I just became afraid of myself.
It is very scary to be completely alone at this age. I lost the meaning of life, lost myself...
And so I want to be happy.

Support the site:

Natalia, age: 55 / 20.02.2015

Responses:

Dear Natalia!
Yes, it is unbearably hard when a husband suddenly leaves after so many years of married life. Try to collect your life all the same.
Perhaps you don’t need to work, if you can’t for health reasons, you have children, maybe they can somehow help in this situation.
Thoughts of suicide come clearly from unfriendly forces, there are even places that inspire such thoughts, actively pray at this time that God will take them away from you. Walk around the city, try to notice the positive and beautiful things that surround you. Go to the hospital to the children (or to the orphanage), just talk, try to bring positive, give them gifts, and you will see how important it is to help others, I speak from my own example.
Do not call your husband, do not be humiliated, the one who needs you will definitely be there.
Yes, you did a lot for him, you took care of him, I think you didn’t sleep for days caring for him, pray for him, because a Christian needs to pray for a person who offends him, especially a close one, although sometimes it’s very difficult. You are not alone, you have your children, try to move closer to them,
so that you are not lonely, and there is support.

Natty, age: 28/20.02.2015

Hello dear Natalia. I can imagine your condition. Unfortunately it happens, these are men. Here you live with a man all your life, both in joy and in sorrow, and then the broads, and some kind of passion for another woman breaks your world. They believed, trusted as themselves, and such a betrayal. It's very hard and painful. In such mamentas they are controlled by demons, passions and destroy everything. He did not stand and did not pass this test. HE is a traitor, not you. Sooner or later, his conscience will start eating, and it's terrible to live with such a sin in his soul. Okay about him, God be his judge. The main thing now is you! I really, really want to support you wholeheartedly. Mentally hug you, and say be patient a little more, it will pass and the pain will subside, you'll see. Everyone has their own time to get through this. You will definitely survive this. Be free and happy. And now it still hurts, only prayers and only God. He will definitely not leave, and will help and guide you further, trust Him. This has been verified by myself. I am also experiencing betrayal now, half a year has passed and with God's help I am slowly surviving, finding myself and my soul. The main thing is that now, no matter how painful it is, but know that it will begin to subside! Take care of your health, I don’t want to, and I need to eat well and vitamins, etc. Fresh air, the first time through I don’t want everything, just by the hair and be distracted as best you can, as health allows. Thoughts about him, immediately pray. At least for days, until the destructive thoughts go away. Humble yourself, you will soon understand what all this was for. Wish him happiness and let him go, there is no other way. And time will put everything in its place. Get a dog if possible, she will love you, wait and you will give her your care. I'm also thinking about this. It is very good that they wrote here, got to this site. They will help you here, do not despair. You are not the only one, there are many of us here with such grief. And there are many who survived all this and help others, and they helped me, and I also try to support with a word and prayer, although I have not yet fully recovered. Please take care of yourself, take care of your health and little by little everything will start to get better. Necessarily! Read the articles of other women here, how they experienced it and learn a lot of new and useful things for yourself. And remember, you are not alone with such grief, there are many of us here. And let's all go through this test together. I hug you tightly, tightly and God bless you. He will manage everything and everything will be fine. Know it. Believe.

Olga, age: 29 / 21.02.2015

Natalya, stop tormenting yourself with suffering about your erring husband. Sit down and gather your thoughts - what did you plan in your life that is impossible to realize without it? Improve health? Well, correct for God's sake, something you do not write anything about how he helped you with your health, more and more about how you helped him. Live for yourself? Well, live, please, why do you need a person next to you who is capable of betrayal, humiliating and offending you? Lost the meaning of life? What was the point? Care for him through the grave of life? Isn't it enough for the meaning of all life?
I understand everything, I myself had to put my hubby out the door when I was already 48. It hurts terribly, it's insulting and bitter, However, 2 years have passed, and, you know what I'll tell you? The meaning of life has nothing to do with it. The seeming injustice offends - how can it be, I cared about him so much, and he! I gave him the best years, and he! The feeling of his own inferiority hurts: how can it be - he found a young woman for himself, and she fell for him, so he is still hoo, and I am already everything, the final scum! No one needs anything!
Believe me, all this is not true. Of course, the meaning of your life exists, it is in your children, who, although far away, still love you and they need and care for you, it is in communion with God, who will never leave you without help, just try to turn your whole soul to him, just believe - that he is always for you. Keep yourself occupied not only with lonely embroidery, communicate with people, in church, in the park, anywhere. You will see, there will be those who need your attention, and maybe help, and you will feel completely different!
Don't call him, don't write to him. You know, I once decided this for myself - for me he died. A misfortune happened, it is necessary to mourn and bury. No need to keep a corpse next to you. The one that left is completely different, alien, unfamiliar to you. And yours, beloved and only - died. All.
Gain strength, God is with you and we are ready to support you at any moment, and many other kind people you don’t know about yet

dema-80 , age: 50 / 02/21/2015

Anastasia, age: 32 / 21.02.2015

Hello, Natalia! We are namesakes, and the age is about the same ... and the pain is the same. Only mine will soon be three years old. I perfectly understand what is happening in your soul - I myself killed myself three years ago - sobbing, hysterical for days. I wanted one thing - to fall asleep and not wake up. The pain was so unbearable. But three years have passed - the pain has ceased to be so sharp, tears are rare, and Most importantly, I realized the value of my life. I realized how wrong I was when I asked God to give me strength - not to survive, no, to destroy myself. Now I realized that I need to live, because there will be NOTHING beyond that line ... And life is only yours and it is beautiful, even if there is no husband nearby.
The fact is that BM merged when I became seriously ill. In general, nothing threatened my life, but the disease progresses, and I gradually lose the ability to move. The active lifestyle that we led became beyond my strength, and he (as he put it) not wanting to sit with me as a decrepit old man, found himself a new girlfriend for sports ... and not only sports. left. abandoned. betrayed. did not regret.
How I survived, I don't know. Everything seemed to happen. There will be nothing more. But I lived, worked, went out to people, my daughters bought me a dog - I walked with her. Believe it or not, in the most desperate moments, this wet nose and devoted beady eyes stopped the irreparable - what will happen to him. Gradually, the sharp pain went away, the tears left, but there was no former joy from life - I didn’t learn to live without it, and only the disease intensified ... But thunder struck. Truly, the Almighty teaches and guides us... Another terrible diagnosis was made - a high probability of oncology. For a month I lived in anticipation of an operation, confirmation of the diagnosis and with thoughts of what needs to be done in this short remaining period.
And on the edge, I realized that there is a lot of beauty in life even without BM, that only the faithful remained nearby. really close people, that even if I can’t walk, I still have the ability to see, hear, feel, create, finally. It is happiness to wake up in the morning, walk (albeit slowly) in the fresh early morning in the park with a dog, inhale this fresh air and squint from the bright morning sun.
Being alone with yourself, planning your day, loading it with everyday worries (they seem to get in the way, but ... Oh, God, what a blessing that they are) ... to understand that there is someone who needs your help, your kindness and care... As they say. if you feel bad, find someone even worse and help him ...
In the end, the diagnosis was not confirmed, but I understood a lot, overestimated it. My initial illness does not scare me so much anymore, the absence of a husband is a nuisance, but I am worried.
I understand, Natalya, that it is very difficult for you now. Time must pass. so that YOU understand that the meaning of life is in life itself. Yours and only yours. Time heals, but it can be helped. No need to think about BM, about his fairy, about how good they are. Think about yourself. Let the traitor die for YOU. That person is no more, and this, the other - no one to you. I don’t advise you to forget your past life - it won’t work, and it’s not necessary: ​​there was good in it. But now a new stage. There is only you and you decide who to let into your new life. God will help you, believe, He sends us only those trials that we can survive, from which we become stronger, smarter.
There are many similar stories on the site, a lot of pain. There is also mine, which I wrote six months ago, still in tears and snot ... But now it’s completely different. Hold on dear, happiness is yet to come. Everything will be, believe me)))

Natalia, 48, age: 48 / 02/21/2015

Good day, Natalia.
I understand that a lot of things frighten you, and all of us who were left by our beloved husbands are terrified at first. I don’t even know what’s scarier - when you’re 55 or when you’re 30, and in your arms are two little preschool children, or a baby .. I thought the children have a father, but he disappears ...
Well, in general, we need to focus more attention on the question, why did this happen to me? It is terrible to look into your soul - how many unpleasant things are hidden there! They betray those who are obsessed with their husband. Who is afraid to live alone. Why this fear? This is a very important question. True believers are not afraid of anything in life, just ask the priest in the church. To love does not mean to die with fear at the mere thought of separation from a loved one.
When I began to realize how I made myself an idol out of my husband, how I hid behind complete dedication, plowed myself to exhaustion, while drowning in dependence on him, it almost immediately became so easy for me! Working on myself, looking for what provoked such a reaction of a man to myself, I felt that I was doing the right job. She forgave, let go and was generally surprised how she could endure him for so long next to herself and her children!
You need to look in yourself, in your heart for the path to the light, then you can forgive it very easily.
And your plans and your condition are not connected at all with your ex-husband now. If he loved you, none of this would have happened. He played the part of the husband as long as it was convenient. Are you waiting for him to change his mind? One hundred percent - will not change his mind precisely because you are waiting. You must stand firmly on your feet in a psychological sense, for this you live on earth, you are not connected with anyone by the umbilical cord, neither with your husband, nor with your children. The meaning of life is not in connections and relationships. Being with someone will not make you happy. Because who is happy and so, by itself, a good person will be attracted to that.
It is very embarrassing for me to write this, because I do not dare to teach you, I have not gone through so much yet. But I myself was waiting for people's responses to my story... I know how important a response is when trouble and despair seizes.
Do not despair. Each of us at any moment of life has such a lot of work, on ourselves, on our holes and curvature, God forbid, have time to understand and settle at least something.
Look, maybe someone needs your help - to meet the child after school and take him home, to help buy something, I don’t know ... This is very clearing, it helps to see your trouble with different eyes.
I wish you to find a foothold not outside, but inside yourself and achieve spiritual balance.
Read the articles on this site, they are just magical, they heal!
Hold on, you deserve a normal relationship with yourself!

Summer, age: 35 / 21.02.2015

Natasha, dear, hold on! Be patient, pray, but don't give up! The first months are very difficult, I hardly remember my own. How she lived, what she felt, how she behaved, everything was like in a dream. And I also prayed to God, if only I would return, I would forgive everything and never remind you. Now I think it’s good that I didn’t come then, now I won’t let you into my life for anything. You know how it all happened, she asked her neighbor (her husband also left her for a young woman), when will this pain end? In response, she said, you know, Natasha, the sediment will remain for a long time, but that flour, from which there is no rest, will go away. And if suddenly he tries to return, as it was, he will no longer be. Not only because he was able to betray, but because your feelings for him have also changed, even if you don’t see it. And when her ex asked back, she said, I can see him next to me, I can talk, feed, smile, but I can’t imagine that he will hug, kiss. It is simply impossible that the same hands, lips, which were affectionate with the other, would be pleasant to you. Now just be patient. Every day I repeated to myself “I am strong, I can handle it”, I asked myself “well, be patient a little more” and counted the days - a month has passed, two, six months. And you know, the truth has become MUCH easier. If at first, washing your face in the morning is hard, and putting your hair and face in order is a whole feat, a smile is only through force, now all these are ordinary things, as before. I smile constantly, even more than before, sincerely laughing. I almost don't cry. It happens sometimes, but I can’t hold back my tears (of course, when no one sees). And you cry, scream, do not keep your pain in yourself. If possible, speak up. Even by herself. Don't feel sorry for yourself! Drag yourself out of this trouble and it will recede, you'll see! Take your time, it would be nice, of course, to find a job (or is there one?), communicate, walk, read. And remember, you can handle it, and even if he is no longer around, this is not the end of life and certainly its meaning. I hug you tightly.

Natalia, age: 42/02/22/2015

Natalya, my dear namesake, you have to pull yourself together. After all, we do not know all of God's plans. We sit and cry, or maybe it was his departure that saved your life. After all, no one can foresee what would happen if he stayed with you. Your task now is to sit on this site and read, read, read.
Read everything and think. There are many answers to our questions here. I just lived on this site for the first time. The result will come, after 8 months I came to my senses, I learned to accept all difficulties. We also spent a lot of time together. 25 years without any problems, and then because of the stupidest quarrel, contention. Natasha, let him go in peace, wish happiness in your soul, and live for the joy of your daughter, yourself, and grandchildren. Everything will fall into place, everything will be as it should be! Don't destroy yourself! Hugs and wish you peace of mind.

Natalia, age: 48/02/22/2015

Dear Natasha! After reading your cry about mental pain, I really wanted to support you. I am not much younger than you, and I also have 30 years of family life and also two adult children already living their own separate lives. I, too, 2.5 years ago, revealed the betrayal of my husband, who, as it turned out, lived a double life for 6 years and met with his former classmate, who was also divorced. All survivors of adultery know the inhuman pain experienced by the second half, as if they are skinning you alive, endless dialogues in your head, blaming yourself for everything and everything, and, of course, the desire that your husband come to his senses, repent and return to the family . This is practically experienced by all deceived wives and they think that if he returns, I will forgive everything.
Natasha, after all my terrible drinking, he returned, a year since we live together, but I could not imagine what it was like to take back the person who cheated on you. I have absolutely no peace, there is a terrible heaviness in my soul, because I do not believe him at all. Any of his delays, phone calls, meetings with someone cause terrible thoughts in me, constant thoughts that he just became better at masking everything, hiding. And how can you live in a family without trust? It's not life, all the time to wait again for a stab in the back. After all, it is not for nothing that they say that one who betrays will betray again. And constantly living in anticipation of a new betrayal is not life, but one continuous torment.
So, Natasha, rejoice that this person has left your life, restore yourself, rethink everything and start a new, clean life.
I really regret that I didn’t drive my husband with a filthy broom, didn’t dare to take this step, and now I’m terribly tormented, in general, consider not living.
May you all be well, God bless you and God bless you!!!

Elena, age: 50 / 02/22/2015

Dear Natasha! I am 57 years old. My name is Tatyana. Just like you, I dreamed of living to old age with my husband and even dying on the same day. But I am "dying" alone, and he is probably happy. The husband is 60 years old, he has a mistress 20 years younger than himself. I can’t give you the right advice, because I myself have been rushing around in a love triangle for a whole year (a year has passed since I found out about my mistress) and have done a lot of wrong things. My story was written on this site on 09/17/2014. Only now he has agreed to move out of our common house for a separate residence. A whole year thrown out of my life in the trash, spent a lot of nerves. I was ready to forgive and accept and please in every possible way, all to no avail. He didn’t make any decision, he didn’t leave his mistress, but on the contrary, he legalized all their relationships. He went to her, came back, said that he loved me and could not live without her, promised to end his relationship with her and much more. And until I decided to give him my housing, which I had besides the house, he did nothing. Now he has moved out, but lives 200 meters from me. We simply had no other choice. I am writing this all to the fact that you can’t wait and hope for something. Need to live. The best solution is to cut off all contact. Natasha, dear, I know how painful it is, but you have to endure it.
Don't call him, didn't send any SMS. If you return with repentance, you will decide, but now get up from your knees, do not humiliate yourself, do not call, it will not help.
If he doesn't come back, during this time you will learn to live without him.

Tatyana, age: 57/02/22/2015

I can say that it helped me when the dark forces plagued me with thoughts of suicide and my loneliness.
I started helping others. And friends appeared, and life was considered in a different perspective. It's so wonderful to just live, wake up in the morning, see the sky, the sun. And believe me, happiness from the fact that you can breathe, move, walk, embroider with beads will definitely come! When you pass your test and the dark forces leave you. And they clung tightly, which means you are a tasty morsel for them, a standing little man. Don't give in.
The world needs you.

Dayna, age: 29/23.02.2015

Natalia, I really want to support you and say that even though this is a difficult test, you will pass it!!! God does not send trials above strength! I can only advise in prayers to the Mother of God to say that you release your husband only into the hands of the Lord and the Mother of God and let them decide how it will be better! Don't be discouraged! We are insects on the earth and we cannot do anything without the will of God! Rely on the Lord to manage everything well, and even more often confess and take communion !!! Everything will be fine!!!

Natalia, age: 30 / 02/27/2015

Natalia, hello!
Everything you write is very familiar. Only we lived for 5 years, not 30. And then everything is the same - exhausting ourselves with thoughts about him, hopes, idealization, depression, despair.
But you have to get out of all this, like out of a swamp. How? I want to write a few specific options, if you like something, take a note. I did all this myself in order to pull myself out of a string of bleak thoughts.
1. Every day look for a phrase that calms you and keep it in your head. For example: everything is changing and this state of mine will also someday go away; God leads me where necessary, I go where he leads me, and so on.
2. Remember all your desires, dreams, write them down and try to look for forms for their realization. Have you always dreamed of being a blonde? You can also try. Have you always liked flowers? Why not plant them in the garden this year, or plant an orchid at home? All - big and small, dreams of maturity or even childhood. Write them down and practice them methodically to whatever extent possible.
3. Look around, who really needs you, for whom you can do a good deed. Often someone needs help to babysit. Even if these are not grandchildren, they can be the children of a niece, neighbor, friend. Maybe you have a kindergarten nearby and you can conduct needlework circles there? Someone already wrote - I agree, you can search for someone who needs the help of a nanny - take them to a kindergarten, pick them up (there will also be additional earnings).
4. Do what you like: needlework, books, movies, health, walks.
5. Cut off ALL contact with your husband, ALL. It's like he died. No general affairs, no questions, no "How are you?" , Nothing. It is very difficult. But if you do that, it helps tremendously.
6. Do not torture yourself with thoughts that they are doing well there now. You don't know what problems they have now, what else they will have. You, too, experienced the sweetness of the beginning of a relationship in life - let someone else experience it. After all, the most important thing is to cope with all the sweat, when the sweetness is already gone.
7. Refresh contact with your daughter: plan trips to her, family meetings, dinners and, most importantly, perform.
8. Just started thinking about men and immediately "God bless him!" - and so at least 1000 times a day. Be aware, catch yourself at this moment - I started thinking again - do not suffer because of this, that again, but just calmly interrupt and switch your attention, stop everything with the phrase "God bless him and her."
9. Always think about this: WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ALONE WITH YOURSELF?
Good luck, happiness and peace of mind!

Lena, age: 34 / 11.03.2015

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