If there is no trust in a relationship, it is bad for both partners. The one who feels deceived suffers, and the one who, perhaps, is not too honest in love. Correcting the situation and returning the lost intimacy is real, but this can only be done through joint efforts.

How to live if there is no trust in a relationship

What causes trust in a relationship

There are many reasons for the loss of intimacy: from ridiculous trifles to serious misconduct. Most often, trust in the family is killed:

• Treason. You can forgive her, but it's hard to forget. Pain and suspicion return with every incomprehensible call, delay at work, non-standard act.
• Deception. Even a white lie, when it becomes obvious, alarms a loving partner. Why cheat when any problem can be solved together. Worst of all, if the secret is revealed not by the liar himself, but by those around him. It looks like betrayal.
• Unfulfilled promises. A man says that he is ready to get a star from the sky, but he only goes about his own business. Verbal romance with real indifference undermines the foundations of intimacy. On the illusion of love, a lasting union cannot be built.
• Broken dreams. Sometimes we fall in love not with a person, but with an image created by ourselves. And when this ideal guy or girl suddenly ceases to correspond to a fictional role, a feeling of betrayal appears.

Relationships without trust are difficult to continue. We will have to drown out the pain and live like neighbors indifferent to each other, or disperse. Or still try to regain the lost trust.

How to regain intimacy

To return the joy of living together, try to start from scratch, revealing all the cards:

• Talk to your partner frankly. Express your fears, worries, throw out the pain. See how he will react: is he ready to follow the path of sincerity, without secrets and omissions.
• If you caused the destruction of love, try to convince your partner that this will not happen again. Admit you're wrong. But only make promises that you can keep. Losing intimacy again hurts even more.
• Stop blaming each other. Trust cannot be built on scandals and squabbles.
• Learn to compromise. Not all conditions are met. Perhaps reality isn't really as bad as you think.
• Do not humiliate yourself and do not involve strangers in the conflict. This will only make the situation worse.

First of all, you need to have hope that the relationship can somehow be restored. And it is even better to have a deep conviction that it will work out. In addition, each of the partners needs to have a strong desire to maintain the relationship. This is necessary, because when building trust again, you have to make a certain number of attempts, as well as make compromises.

If you are the partner who created the problem, the hardest thing is for you to decide for yourself that you are trustworthy. The very first thing you need to do is to apologize, admit your mistakes and ask for an opportunity to correct them. In case your partner does not agree to go for reconciliation or is not ready to do it, do not put pressure on him and do not rush to change his mind. Give him time to think, calm down, make an informed decision.

Over time, when the offense is forgotten or at least not so strong, try again (or several attempts) to reconcile with your partner. Try to talk about your relationship. Explain that they are very important to you and you want them back. If your reconciliation has taken place and you have made a promise, stay true to your word. Decide for yourself to continue to be honest with this person and stick to your decision, no matter what the cost.

If you are the one who was betrayed and resentful, it will be difficult for you to trust your partner until your feelings subside. Do not rush to go to reconciliation until the resentment and pain subside, wait for the time. When you can more calmly perceive what happened, talk with your partner, try to listen to him and understand. Try to imagine yourself in his place, understand his motives, and then try to forgive him. This is necessary not only for him, but also for you. After all, if you do not forgive the offense, it will sit inside you, poisoning your life. In case you want to restore the relationship, you need to help your partner - create real and feasible conditions for what he needs to do in order to achieve trust.

You have to rebuild relationships, so each of you needs to compromise. If your conditions seem impossible for the culprit to fulfill the problem, you will have to make some kind of compromise. For example, soften or change requirements that are too rigid (as your partner sees them) a little. But, if your offender exaggerates the impracticability of the requirements, because he does not want to change something in himself, it is better not to make concessions, or at least wait a while.

Never lose your confidence that you will be able to restore your relationship, because. she is the thing that will help you get through all these difficulties. When you come out of a problem in a relationship with a forgiving heart and lightness in your soul, sympathizing with your loved one, you will benefit from all this - you will become wiser and more tolerant. If your relationship seems uncertain and shaky, you began to be overcome by doubts about your future, be patient. Because it takes time to restore everything.

A partner who cannot trust will not feel confident and calm. He will not be able to feel loved, because. he will think that his partner has ulterior motives. He cannot be capable of a close connection, tk. thinks the other will be unfaithful. A person who has lost confidence will become confused, depressed and angry. Which means he won't be happy. On the other hand, the person who is him experiences almost the same thing if he is worried about his partner and wants to save the relationship.

Of course, the relationship will not remain the same as it was. They will become different, but better or worse - it already depends entirely on the efforts of the two of you. The main thing is to believe that you will succeed.

Trust is the foundation of a happy family relationship. It is to this opinion that not only psychologists come, but also all those who are bound by marriage.

But, unfortunately, trust is a fragile thing, like a crystal vase: one careless movement and only fragments remain of it. And then we run to a psychologist with loud statements “I don’t trust my husband.” Or ask for advice on social networks.

Where does distrust come from?

Trust is that essential component, without which no normal human relationship is possible. Be it friendship, love, family, etc. If you do not trust your partner, then you constantly expect some trick from him.

This means that you are constantly in a nervous and stressful state. But it also says that you have already taken off your “rose-colored glasses” for a long time and are ready to face trouble one on one.

You may not trust your husband for a number of reasons:

1. Bad experiences from previous relationships.

Have you already been married, and this union broke up due to the betrayal of your husband? Or, at the age of 17, when your first love swept over you, did your chosen one play a “double game”, meeting with your girlfriend?

In any case, you have a negative experience of past relationships that haunts you to this day. And your husband can be a model of fidelity and devotion, but your inner self cannot forget the past and learn to trust the present.

2. Forgiven but not forgotten.

And it also happens that the husband stumbled and cheated on you, humiliated, insulted. Or he did some other act that deeply sunk into your soul. Time passed, and you still forgave your husband. But you can't forget this. So, expect it to happen again.

3. Low self-esteem.

A very common occurrence among married women, especially during maternity leave. When you devote whole days to the child, washing, cooking and cleaning, and there is absolutely no time left for yourself. And then more and more often you find faults in yourself.

Either a couple of extra pounds were added, then bags under the eyes from regular lack of sleep, then there is no time even to wash when the baby is sick. And at this time, your husband, shaved, smelling of new perfume and in clothes ironed by you, goes to the next corporate party or a meeting of classmates. And after his departure, you find several more shortcomings in yourself and several reasons for distrusting him.

3. "Snout in the cannon."

Do you refuse to flirt on a social network with your former classmate who hit you with a textbook at school, and now he compliments you? Or maybe you don’t refuse to have a cup of coffee with your “ex”, because you broke up as friends?

Perhaps this is indeed an innocent flirtation and just a cup of coffee. Or maybe you deep down hope for a sequel. Exclusively for raising self-esteem. And most likely you do not exclude the option that your husband is just as cute talking with a neighbor from the fifth floor or having lunch in the company of a nice colleague. And how to learn to trust your husband when you do not trust yourself?

4. Acted distrust.

And it also happens that we get bored in life: no work, no hobbies, and children spend all day in the garden or school. But on TV there are just a lot of interesting series. So what, that cheap and completely implausible. But there are such love passions - you will swing. And now you are starting to “try on” this series for your life, looking for evidence that you invented for the infidelity of your half.

And these are far from all the reasons due to which mistrust arises in our lives. How to get rid of them and learn to trust your loved one again? Let's try to figure it out.

How to restore trust in your life?

Alas, but today there are no definite lessons of trust. You either trust or you don't. And if your relationship has not yet gone too far, and there is no longer trust, then it may be better to leave so as not to torment each other. What if you don't trust your husband? Do not destroy the family because of their complexes or far-fetched situations?

Here are some tips to help you at least get on the path to regaining trust:

1. If you have a lot of free time to “think up” various betrayals for your husband, then find something to your liking. And it does not matter what it will be: dancing, playing the violin, going to the gym or driving lessons. The main thing is that you have less time left for unnecessary series that direct your thoughts in the wrong direction. Yes, and make good use of your time.
2. If you are so busy with your child and homework that you don’t even have enough time to sleep, then it’s time to unload yourself. And make time for yourself. At least one hour a day. If the husband cannot sit with the little one at this time, then ask your parents, godfather, girlfriend, or just hire a nanny for just an hour. And make yourself relax: take a bath, do a manicure, face mask or peeling. The main thing is that it will give you positive emotions and raise your self-esteem.
3. Try to find time to meet up with old friends. Gossip, drink a bottle of wine, dance. Such gatherings and mood will lift, and distract you from bad thoughts.
4. Stop "cutting" your husband and blaming him for all the sins. Try to surround him with care, attention and understanding. You will see, he will definitely answer you the same. And next time, instead of fishing or football, he will decide to spend the evening in a warm family circle.

Video "What kills love"

If you have “tried” everything, but the trust has not returned, but you want to save the family, then try to contact a psychologist. A professional will definitely understand exactly in your particular case, and, of course, will help you. The main thing is not to despair, because everything in life can be corrected.

How to let go of the fear of new relationships and learn to trust men again?

Does the return of trust depend on how much he disappointed you and the number of pieces your heart was broken into? Where is the guarantee that he won't do it again?

I am sure that you, many women, will want to know the answers to these very similar questions.

Do you want to know where they came from in this article? From my mailbox and personal consultations with women who asked for help in solving problems that arose in a relationship. Including help with the return of lost trust:

How to learn to trust a man after what he did to me?
"My ex, how can I trust men after this?".
“I met a man through the Internet, he lied to me and tried to force me to send him money. How can I trust guys again after this?
“I thought my boyfriend wanted the same happy future together that I do. But instead of proposing to me, he broke up with me. I devoted my best years to him and got nothing in return.”

I'm sure there are many such claims.

How to learn to trust men after that?

A lot of women with hearts in need of healing wounds are stuck somewhere between the assumption that "All men are bastards" and more and more fading hope to meet the prince on his thorny path of life.

If you have ever felt anything like this, keep reading this article and find out how in just 3 easy steps you will learn to trust men again, no matter how badly your heart was hurt in the past.

Step 1. Stop confusing trust in a man with the hope of meeting "prince handsome"

Let's start with a simple question.
What's happened "confidence"?

Well, how? There's an answer? Does it fit in 10 words or less? Or did your heart begin to beat frantically, and your brain just got confused by the snippets of phrases that come to mind? I asked this question to many women and almost all of them found it difficult to say what it means to them. "confidence" to a man. Why?

Because (this may sound a little cruel) from a male point of view most women cannot learn "trust" men, because they simply do not know the meaning of the word.

Let's take a look at the definition of this word from the glossary of terms:
Trust (verb): to rely on something or someone, or to have confidence in someone or something.

I as a man can say what is for me "trust" someone means to be sure that he or she will ...
- do what he says;
- act in accordance with their nature;
- my cover in conflict or matters of the heart;
– try to cause me trouble as little as possible and respect my decisions.

"Confidence" does not (and cannot mean), which he (in fact!) does not even suspect. Yes, there are different experiences of relationships, different situations from the past, which made it quite difficult for you to learn to trust men again.
Especially if you were in a relationship that ended with the betrayal of your husband or loved one. But consider that he may not represent all men in general.

And here is the first truth for you: many women think they are "can never trust a man again" can't find someone worthy of her trust , because they are looking for "prince handsome" dreamed about as little girls. But who said that a man can only be trusted if he could become the prince of your childhood fantasies?

Do you really expect a man to treat you like a Goddess, not look at other women, shower you with gifts, be the perfect lover, tell you his deepest secrets, slay dragons for you, want what you want what he wants, even if he really doesn't want it? ( The last words made my brain start to melt, despite the fact that I constantly hear about these ordinary female desires). If so, it will be difficult for you to find and trust a man who matches the above.

Step 2. Forgive yourself for letting a man destroy your trust.

The reason many women have trust issues with men is not because "All men are goats" or something like that... The reason is shame. Didn't your face turn red just now? Mine blushed. Why? Because shame is a terrible emotion and a very powerful word.

Let's take a look at why women are afraid to trust a man. There are reasons for this:

1. Fear that if you give a man the power to hurt you (and to love someone is to give it), you will be hurt and devastated again. Your subconscious says: “The last time I trusted a man, he hurt me. If I don't trust men anymore, they won't be able to hurt me anymore!".
2. Shame that comes from realizing that you were foolish to trust a guy who broke your trust (or simply failed to live up to your expectations).

That's why you frantically start searching for information in a search engine, checking credit history, criminal history and zodiac compatibility for every man you like a little.

That's why You are trying to find reasons to refuse any relationship. even when they haven't started yet. Because your subconscious doesn't want to feel like "wrong".
And from the point of view of your subconscious "distrust of a man" actually guarantees that you will never again feel ashamed in front of yourself for feeling your own stupidity if you trust the wrong guy again.

That is why You need to forgive yourself right now.

I'll give you a hint: I assume that they believed because they wanted to be loved.
A being loved means giving the other person the power to hurt you.

If a man has hurt you in the past, do not think that you can no longer trust any male human being. It only means that in that particular case you took a risk, and that risk could not reward you with the eternal love that you dreamed of.

Listen to me: - does not mean to be "stupid", no matter how much he may have betrayed you or hurt you. There is nothing shameful in the fact that you succumbed to ordinary human desires.

And back to the question How to learn to trust a man?.
You need to forgive yourself!

Go into the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror, look into your eyes and say to yourself: “I know that you are ashamed and hurt, you are angry about what happened because of this man, but you did everything with the best intentions and I forgive you.”.

After that, you will really feel better. And you might want to cry. Cry. Don't hold back.

Step 3. Eliminate "words of the victim" from your dictionary

What's happened "words of the victim"?

"Words of the Victim"- these are the words that take away your vitality and make you feel humiliated, insulted, offended. For example, let's burn on "beloved" for all topic: Deception.

1. No one can make you a victim but you.
2. Nobody can make you happy but you.
3. No one can make you feel anything but you.

Doing yourself a victim You give the man who disappointed or betrayed your trust all power over you. But if you stop using "words of the victim" then take your fate into your own hands.

That's all you need

Let's summarize what needs to be done to solve the problem called How to learn to trust men again:

- understand what trust is
- forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be deceived (offended)
- stop seeing yourself as a victim

Thanks for your attention and patience. I hope that I did not waste a lot of time writing this material and now you are at least three steps closer to understanding how to trust a man.
After all, this is one of the most important conditions for a truly harmonious relationship.

Looking forward to the comments under this text!

With love,
Yaroslav Samoilov

Hello dear friends!

Not only psychologists, but also couples are convinced that trust is the key to happiness in relationships! But if you systematically expect a trick or a knife in the back, then you are guaranteed a nervous breakdown or stress! Trust is a very fragile thing, much more valuable than a crystal vase that can be glued together.

One careless step undermines the bridge that took years to build. And then we run in tears to our friends and psychologists, shouting: “Help, I don’t believe him!”. What to do in this case? How can I learn to trust my husband again?

Reasons for distrust

If you cannot trust your chosen one, there is a reason for this. There are several provocateurs aggravating the situation. It is especially difficult to change the approach to the problem when the previous relationship experience was negative. Under what circumstances is it extremely difficult to trust a loved one?

Past is present

Disappointed in a person once, you can get a serious mental injury for the remaining years. Have you been married before and it broke up after his infidelity? Did you have to expose the "double game"?

Negative experience can destroy the present and completely occupy consciousness. The female inner "I" does not calm down even at the moment when the spouse demonstrates exemplary behavior and devotion! On this basis, many conflicts are born, the main cause of which is the emotional trauma of a woman.

"I'm not vindictive, I just have a good memory!"

A common reason for distrust is hidden behind a banal memory. For example, the husband stumbled and, humiliating his dignity, cheated on his chosen one. Time passed, the situation was experienced and forgiven. But there is no opportunity to forget what happened yet, which means that subconsciously you will wait for a relapse.

Low self-esteem

Most often, the problem pops up on the surface in the decree. A woman devotes all her free time to the baby and solving everyday issues. A couple of extra kilos appear, regrown hair roots and a tired look. The husband continues to lead his usual way of life and, going to a working corporate party in all its glory, provokes several reasons for distrust of himself. Complexes, fears and experiences lead to conflicts.

Self-distrust

How can you trust your husband if you can't trust yourself? Do you refuse to flirt with a neighbor or colleague? Chatting with an ex and looking for an excuse to have a cup of coffee with him? Why? Firstly, this is a way to increase self-esteem, and secondly, maybe you are counting on continuing the relationship or changing your partner?

The woman does not exclude a similar scenario for the development of the plot on the part of the partner. With whom does he have lunch at work and why is his neighbor smiling so sweetly at him? This is not the whole list of reasons for mistrust. How to get rid of them, having learned to believe in a loved one with all your heart and soul? What do the psychologist's advice say in this case?

Recovery process

The inner state of a woman

Women's suspicion is fraught with unpleasant, and most often, undeserved accusations. Psychologists characterize such states as a sign of an anxious personality. In this case, a person sees the world through the prism of personal fears and the most nightmares! He sees betrayal, provocation and deceit. , having ceased to wind itself?

1. Be kind;
2. separate fiction from reality;
3. trust only facts, not false beliefs;
4. do not share family problems with friends or parents, otherwise you risk being “twisted” from the outside;
5. if in doubt - ask! An honest answer is better than fantasy;
6. exclude accusations of treason without evidence (especially the playful form);
7. just trust, not check the phone;
8. show care and respect, not bitchiness and conflict;
9. talk about your feelings more often.

Careful analysis

You can show distrust in your husband in various ways, but finding the root of the problem is much more important than eliminating the symptom. You do not believe in your chosen one, because you are convinced of his failure?

In this example, the fact means that you want to appear better by demonstrating superiority. Think why do you need it? If, nevertheless, we are talking about the fear of betrayal, expressed in nervous jealousy, determine the chain of thoughts. What is the meaning behind the phrase "I'm afraid that he will cheat on me!"?:

1. fear of being alone and raising children;
2. worrying about feeling pain again;
3. unwillingness to face betrayal, etc.

Think what will happen if this happens? When you get to the final ring of experiences and open it, the true cause of distrust may be low self-esteem, fear of loneliness or personal insecurity.

• If you cannot cheat, end the relationship, especially if there are children in the family. They do not need to hear systematic trials and attempts to “glue the vase” together;
• be in business, then there will be no time to think about the potential betrayal of your husband (work, gym, hobby);
• raise your self-esteem! Get dusty awards and diplomas, hang them in a conspicuous place. Paste stickers around the apartment with the inscriptions “I am a happy wife”, “a successful person”, etc .;

• have relaxation sessions (herbal bath, cosmetic procedures) everything that makes you feel beautiful;
• stop sawing your husband and blaming him for universal cataclysms. This will not end well, but it will noticeably decrease;
• live life to the fullest without dwelling on potential dangers! Go to meetings with friends, to theaters and cinema. No matter how many years you have been married, strive to be an interesting companion, a caring wife and a realist! And leave the fantasies for the series!

On this point!

Subscribe to blog updates, and in the comments share your personal tips on resuming trust in your husband. It is very interesting to know your methods!