Even if you did not become the culprit of your man’s ruined marriage, his confession: “I was married!” Should not pass by your consciousness. This is an occasion to think seriously about your relationship, and about him, and about the reasons why his previous family did not take place. Even if your man is so dear to you that you agree to forgive him for all his shortcomings, do not rush to get married until you analyze the situation calmly again. After all, any woman dreams of a good and prosperous family, a reliable loving husband, and a father for her future children.

He was married ... It's not so simple. This is not an insignificant fact from the biography, which in the future can be discounted and not thought about. Marriage in the past means that your man has already declared his love once, made promises to protect and take care of another woman, was going to build a family with her, raise children. This means that something in his life did not take place, disappointment set in, hopes did not come true, plans failed. It is possible that before meeting you, your man has sworn off ever marrying at all or has acquired some complexes that are still invisible to you.

But the past of your man is not a reason for despair! Anything happens in life, and it’s not this that matters, but how a person got out of his troubles and difficulties. In any case, it is much more reasonable and encouraging to build a life with a loved and loving person, even if it is a remarriage for him, than to wait for a “prince” without family experience, who for some reason is delayed and it is not known if he will ever appear at all.

You love, are loved - this is the main thing. If you recognize some of the features of your man, it is unlikely that past mistakes can violate the marital happiness that awaits you. What is it about? Firstly, a divorced man probably has a negative experience of family life, which cannot but affect all his further relationships, including with you.

For example, if the ex-wife cheated on him, then he will subconsciously expect the same from you. If his wife was a hysterical brawler, then your man will definitely be wary at the first quarrel. If he sees in you the habits of his ex-wife that once annoyed him, then associations with her will arise immediately.

Most often, women who decide to connect their lives with a divorced man assure themselves that they are already an order of magnitude better, smarter, taller than their ex-wife. And now, it is with them that a man will learn all the delights of family life and will be happy. At the same time, all women's efforts to create this family happiness end after the wedding march, that is, a man should experience happiness just by the mere fact of the presence of a new wife next to him.

No less erroneous will be a long dig into the reasons for the divorce, a constant return to this topic, annoying questions and clarification of the details of family life and the smallest nuances of the character and habits of the ex-wife. And stormy joy with emphasizing and contrasting the shortcomings of the former partner with her own virtues.

A constant return to the past will not add to a man's good mood and, moreover, the desire to bind himself again. On the contrary, you will constantly feed resistance to a new marriage in him. Therefore, it is reasonable to ask a question once, listen to the answer, and some details and details of marriage and divorce usually emerge from the conversations of friends and relatives. All of this information is worth taking into consideration.

If your relationship is developing and leading both of you to create a family, then it is better to ask your future husband directly and openly how he sees his family, what, in his opinion, is the main thing in a relationship, what is the role of a wife, does he want children, etc. Then Yes, find out before marriage whether your ideas about married life converge.

The question of the children of a divorced man is perhaps the most important. If he left the family, leaving a child there, then you should know in advance how your future husband is going to build a relationship with him: is he going to help and to what extent, how much is he currently involved in raising children, how often does he meet with them, and what will change with the advent of your own children?

Why is it so important? If a man finds many reasons not to communicate and not help abandoned children, this is an occasion to seriously think about what kind of person is next to you, how good a father he will be to your child, and whether you can rely on such a husband. And do not hope that with you he will be different, that he will love your common child more strongly and take care more selflessly.

There are men who, even after leaving their families, love their children so much that they are ready to spend all their free time with them, help them financially, give gifts, take care of them to the detriment of the new family and the children that have appeared in it. Sometimes there is even a question about the residence of children from your first marriage in your family. All these issues also need to be resolved in advance and quite definitely, so that such things do not come as a surprise to you, to which you will have to hastily develop an attitude.

Among those whose first marriage did not work out, there are many problematic men. Moreover, invisible at first glance, the complexes can be so serious that the help of a specialist psychologist is required so that with his help a person can reconsider his view of the world, of the family, of women.

By what signs can you identify a problem man? There are many behavioral options. So, often after a divorce, men begin to lead some strange lifestyle: they take on hard labor, silently endure reproaches and humiliations from their superiors, fall in love unrequitedly and suffer from it, try to take on a bunch of unsolvable problems and hate themselves more and more and the surrounding world.

Others, after a divorce, seem to break loose: sprees, drinking, many casual relationships, new friends begin. If you have fallen into this period of your man’s life and if you want to maintain a relationship with him, provide support as a friend, refer to his common sense, but do not get close, otherwise you, as a witness to spree and life-burning, will always remind you of his weaknesses.

It often happens that a divorced man speaks too often and negatively about his ex-wife. Do not expect that after your wedding this topic will go away from conversations by itself. Moreover, it is quite possible that at the very first conflicts you will be compared with your ex-wife.

Sometimes men look completely helpless, constantly complaining, trying to shift the entire burden of unresolved problems onto those who are nearby, in particular, on you.

But as for his vows to never marry again, you should not worry too much. Psychologists even have a term - "the syndrome of the seventeenth month" - it is by this time that men begin to think about a new family. So don't rush him, don't rush yourself. Let everything happen by itself, without pressure from you. Yes, and you once again think - it never hurts!

Met, fell in love. After a year of our relationship, I found out that I was married and had a child. Learned a lot more lies. Even anger and resentment did not dull my feelings for him. For my part, there was never even a hint of betrayal, I love him very much. I used to dream about our child with him, even discussed it with him, but now it’s so sickening to realize that I am a mistress. He promises nothing, he loves his child very much. To many, this situation will seem banal, but I am driven to despair, thoughts of suicide visit me daily. It is bad without him and impossible with him. How to force yourself to accept everything as it is and just go with the flow? How to stifle my pride and vanity, which wake up every time he leaves me home to his wife and child? How to relax?
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Responses:

Hello. I read your letter and wondered why you didn’t feel that your chosen one was a married man with a child ??? Time has passed ... a whole year. Is he such a deceiver? Or are you so gullible??? Remember, the one who betrayed once will do it more than once. Now take your heart into a fist and break off all relations with the traitor. Time heals. You will meet someone who will love you and your children and will not run from skirt to skirt. The task of a woman is to choose a reliable man - a reliable father to his children. A human cub, like no one else in the world, needs guardianship for so long and therefore it is necessary to grow it in a complete family. No need to "accept everything" and even more so "go with the flow" why stifle your pride and pride ??? For whose sake? Thank GOD that everything was revealed before you had children. Rejoice that you found out everything in time. Now a new life awaits you without lies and betrayal. Everything will pass ... I wish you happiness. offended, let go easily of all those who do not appreciate you. Do not believe the words, always doubt a little .. even in yourself ;-))) Regarding suicidal thoughts, know that you have been given life by God, your parents and you have no right to it so dispose. Especially for the sake of what ??? Yes, it hurts, but it’s unpleasant, but not to such an extent that it would deprive yourself of life. And what will happen to your mom, dad. And the future children not born by you??? Have you thought about them. And the traitor will live perfectly for himself, will get a couple more girlfriends ... Drive him away, do not believe a single word.

NATALIA, age: 52 / 12/23/2012

Love, then you will not look for your share in it, let go of sex, it hurts you just from this, say I love you just like that. In the heart, everything will change immediately.

Olga, age: 52 / 12/23/2012

You rightly said ... get distracted, you just need to
Relax and time will heal everything. be distracted
hard, it takes will. There is a work? load
work, travel, go to museums and
Exhibitions. But you have to break up with him, in a couple of years
work on yourself, you will forget it and you will be able to
create a family. Or you can keep feeding your
feelings, hopes and spending another 15 years with him
to be left alone with nothing. your life in
your hands, ask yourself what do you want? You
you want to always love him and throw him at his feet
your happiness? Your destiny? Living on her own
in eternal pain and the hope that he will return to you?
Or do you want to be happy? He is very
convenient, wife, mistress, child, but he is about you
does not think about your fate, nor about your
happiness. He just takes advantage of you
thing. Where is your pride and self-sufficiency? A
Well, I pulled myself together and took care of myself...
thoughts will bother about him, but time will pass and
you will think about something completely different.

Elen84 , age: 28 / 23.12.2012

To do everything at once - to break / forget - this is not
perhaps it takes time. For this you
need to be distracted - communicate more with friends,
walk, visit nightclubs. You need
look at it from the side, as if you are a fly,
which flew to her own kitchen - here he is
comes to you, you see him / are thrilled,
happy.. But it does not belong to you! I think you
feel sorry for yourself, and this is humiliating. My
an acquaintance to reason with his feelings for a girl
represented her in a bad way. This is how you
option. And think about the child - he needs
a real dad who would come in the evening
hugged his family and stayed the night.
Think of a baby who is not yet at all,
think of yourself in perspective..
And this man will ever leave you - you
want to become an abandoned mistress? .. I think not.

White Lily, age: 27/23.12.2012

Help , age: 26 / 23.12.2012

Don't look at other men yet... don't. , unaware of the double life of her "husband". Maybe you even look like something. If he "hangs" you that he no longer loves her, that he does not sleep with her for a couple of years, but lives for the sake of the child, not believe a single word ... These are the usual stories of such womanizers. The best healer is this time. Now you must find yourself, find the strength in yourself to be strong and independent. He deceived you, he used you, he betrayed his family. the fact that he has no one besides you and his wife ... Change your phone, get a new hairstyle, throw away everything that reminds you of a traitor and God forbid you let him into your life again

NATALIA, age: 52 / 12/24/2012

Haven't you guessed for a year that a man is married? How did you communicate - calls, sms, correspondence on the network, if he was with his family? You didn't want to see it, that's all. The fact that he does not promise you anything is correct. Would you be better off if he disowned his wife and child? And why on earth, if this is his child, whom he loves. You are an outlet for him, a girl is a holiday, and there he has obligations and relationships. Long-term. And you will remain a lover, but even if he still goes to you, then think that in a couple of years, when you cease to be a holiday girl, both sunny and understanding, he will have another lover, since a man acts one at a time scheme. As soon as the relationship becomes familiar and ordinary, he goes to the side. And don't be fooled, he doesn't love you. He neither loves his wife nor you. People who love don't do that.
Put an end to it and look for your man who will need you. And your joint future children. And this man is not originally yours.

Tamanna, age: 34 / 24.12.2012

Good afternoon From my point of view, the right decision would be to end this relationship. Why do you lie? Why "accept as it is" an abnormal, traumatic, destructive situation? For whose sake are you going to "choke" yourself? For the sake of a man who already has a family, a beloved child? It just seems that without him - nothing. I understand it. This is also a lie - "no way without him." You lived before this meeting. I am sure that you will live life to the fullest even after this relationship, and how you will live, and without any "sickening". Leaving everything as it is, you steal happiness from yourself. You are depriving yourself of a chance to meet a man for whom you will be the only one, a chance for an honest wedding and a strong family. Being alone is not scary. There is no hope in this. It is terrible to live a life that is not your own, it is terrible to live without honest joy. Do you see what this relationship has led to? You are unhappy, already thinking about suicide (this is a huge mistake, this is never an option!). Are you saying you love this person? For the sake of this love - retreat. Let him live with his family. Do not take any more upon yourself and do not push him to the sin of treason. Do not be afraid to lose - the person with whom you are meant to be together will find you. And not yours - do not hold. Strength to you, my dear! Do not despair, as soon as you start to correct the situation - you will feel completely different.

Margarita, age: 32 / 24.12.2012

For some of these stars, an affair with a married famous man ended not only in the birth of children, but also in a happy family life. Others eventually realized that a sudden outbreak of passion is not a reason for marriage. Some broke up with the fathers of their children, whom they met when they were not free, while others continue to live in a civil marriage.

Maria Poroshina

Recently, fans of Maria Poroshina, who is now pregnant for the fifth time, were very surprised by the news of her divorce from actor Ilya Drevnov after seventeen years of marriage. After it turned out that the actress was not pregnant from her husband, news appeared that her colleague Yaroslav Boyko had become her new lover. Due to the media hype, Maria finally decided to clarify the situation by writing a long post on Instagram: “Such an unexpected flurry of vulgarly critical, skeptical and ironic assumptions about my pregnancy prompts me to reveal the obvious thing, I am expecting a son from a loved one! My entreprise partner Yaroslav Boyko, to my maternal happiness, which we share with the father of our future heir in two countries, lives outside of Russia, has nothing to do with it. With the Boyko family, we have long, from the student stage, been connected by warm and friendly relations. And despite the malice, we still have to work together with him, and our children, I note, will live and look at their parents.

Evgenia Dobrovolskaya

The appearance of rumors about the connection between Maria Poroshina and Yaroslav Boyko, among other things, contributed to the past of the actor. Boyko has been married to choreographer and dancer Ramuna Khodorkaite for many years, with whom he has two children - 19-year-old son Maxim and 15-year-old daughter Emilia.

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In 2002, Yaroslav had an illegitimate son, Jan, from actress Evgenia Dobrovolskaya, with whom he had a short-lived romance during their joint filming in the film Suspicion.

Julia Peresild

Last year, Alexey Uchitel stopped hiding his relationship with Yulia Peresild and spoke about the children. A few months later, the director and actress first appeared with their grown daughters. Alexey Uchitel is still officially married to Kira Saksaganskaya, producer and director general of the Message to Man international competition.

passion.ru

Julia Peresild tries not to advertise her personal life, and for a long time she refused to give the name of the father of her daughters. In a recent conversation with OK! the actress said that she never made secrets from her personal life: “I never hid anyone in my life, I just don’t talk about my personal life.” Diesel Brave watchesHigh-paid celebrities choose watches from this brand! Baby chair. Delivery across the Russian Federation. Showroom in Moscow14 200 RUB.Vikings strategyBecome a king and create your own kingdom!Save 70% on branded ECCO shoesStylish pumpsUniversal shoes for any look!4 in 1 bagMen's Wild Explorer bag + cool gift!1 990 RUB.

Ksenia Rappoport

Ksenia Rappoport began dating actor Yuri Kolokolnikov, whom she is seven years older than, in 2008. Then the actor was married and raised his daughter Taisiya. After three years of a stormy romance, Ksenia and Yuri had a daughter, Sofia. As a result, Rappoport and Kolokolnikov never got married. They maintain friendly relations and appear together in public from time to time. Now the actress is married to restaurateur Dmitry Borisov. Yuri in 2016 introduced to the public a new lover - a model and singer from St. Petersburg Dayana Ramos Laforte.

Albina Dzhanabaeva

The ex-member of the VIA Gra group worked in the Valery Meladze group. As a result, the artists had an office romance, which they hid for many years. Now the couple, who got married in 2014, are growing up two sons - 14-year-old Konstantin and four-year-old Luka. With his ex-wife Irina, from whom he has three daughters, Meladze divorced in 2009 after eighteen years of marriage.

Eva Polna

Eva Polna has two daughters - 13-year-old Evelyn and 11-year-old Amalia. The name of the father of the youngest daughter, businessman Sergei Pilgun, the singer never hid, but for a long time she preferred not to talk about the father of the eldest. Later it turned out that she had a passionate affair with a married ex-member of the group "Tea for Two" Denis Klyaver.

passion.ru
“There is a stage, and there is life. Eva is a completely different person than everyone thinks. Yes, we have a daughter with her. She is definitely the fruit of our love. Look what a beauty is growing! - said the singer in the transfer of Andrei Malakhov.

Svetlana Khorkina

In 2005, Olympic champion Svetlana Khorkina became a mother for the first time. The gymnast gave birth to a son, Svyatoslav, whose father's name she kept secret. It was rumored that the athlete gave birth to a boy from actor Levan Uchaneishvili, and later it became known that the father is businessman Kirill Shubsky, husband of Vera Glagoleva. “I'm used to doing everything myself. I built a house, planted a tree and gave birth to a child. In general, everything was done for a man. By and large, I was not looking for anyone then. He found me himself and ... made me fall in love with him. He sought me out for too long, looked after me for a long time and very beautifully before I got pregnant, ”Khorkina said in an interview with OK! magazine.

Svetlana Ivanova

Svetlana Ivanova in 2012 gave birth to a daughter, Polina. Then many wondered who is the father of the girl. There were rumors that director Dzhanika Fayziyeva, who directed the actress in the film “August. Eighth." At that time, the director was married to actress Lina Espley.

passion.ru
As a result, Ivanova and Fayziev confirmed their rum only in the summer of 2015, appearing together at one of the parties. “Sveta and I do not like to talk openly about relationships. This is due to the public's unhealthy interest in people's personal lives. But we are together, ”the director said, commenting on his personal life to a Hello! magazine correspondent.

Glory

Slava met a successful businessman Anatoly Danilitsky, who is 28 years older than her, in 2001. At that time, the entrepreneur was not free, but this did not stop him from actively seeking the favor of the young artist. In 2011, Slava gave birth to Danilitsky's daughter Antonina. Then it became known that the chosen one of the popular singer never divorced his wife.

Are you lucky to meet the man of your dreams, but are you a little embarrassed by the fact that he was already married? Do you want to build a serious relationship, but are afraid to take the wrong step? Indeed, communicating with divorced men requires some knowledge in the field of psychology, but they are not at all difficult to master, especially for determined women. So what should you pay attention to?

Right to privacy

If your boyfriend has recently gone through a divorce, then most likely he will not immediately be ready to build his family life anew. Usually in such cases, a man subconsciously seeks to find a woman only for friendship and / or sexual relations. Accordingly, if you don’t want to scare your gentleman with your “far-reaching” plans, be just a friend and lover for him (or at least pretend to be).

Also, you should not demonstrate to a man that all your thoughts are occupied only by him. Let him feel that you have other interests and connections in this life: relatives, friends, hobbies, work colleagues. Ask, for example, to postpone a date for an hour, because you need to call on your aunt or go shopping with a friend to choose a dress for her. Otherwise, he may simply be afraid of the responsibility that your excessive affection imposes on him.

Recognize his right to privacy. Do not try to control him, do not demand reports on every step, and, of course, you should not make a fuss about the fact that he periodically disappears from your field of vision. He doesn't owe you anything, and neither do you. Perhaps he divorced because of the jealousy of his wife (by the way, according to statistics, about half of all marriages break up due to such suspicions and conflicts on this basis). Another question is that if it disappears, you may not be alone.

How to ask questions

Asking direct questions about the background of his divorce is also not recommended. This does not mean that you should not be interested in this topic at all. What if it turns out that he beat his wife? Are you ready to develop a relationship with such a person? It is worth trying to understand why the marriage of your chosen one broke up, but you need to do this unobtrusively and delicately. Create such an atmosphere that the man himself opens his soul to you. Do not ask about your wife, ask about a woman in general - for example, what does he see as an ideal woman? At the same time, you will find out its requirements.

You should also be careful with questions about his "ex". If he does not want to talk about this topic - do not push, and if he spoke himself - listen more and draw conclusions, but refrain from your comments. And one more thing: if a man speaks only nasty things about his ex-wife, this should alert you.

Relationship with ex

By the way, divorce does not always mean a complete break in relations between spouses. Therefore, it is worth mentally preparing for the fact that your gentleman will devote time and attention to his former family. Do not scandalize and, in general, “get in” less into their relationship. But keep your ears open, especially if contacts occur quite often and the man himself constantly raises this topic, telling you that he needs to be there. Maybe he has not yet decided to finally break off relations with his ex-wife and he needs time to decide. It's disgusting when you become a temporary harbor for a ship that has not changed its home port.

And if “there” he has a child, a complete break in relations may not happen at all, and you should be clearly aware of the full measure of your own responsibility. A man who devotes a lot of time and attention to children from a previous marriage is certainly a positive example. But do you have enough mental strength to let “foreign” children into your life?

prospects

And about prospects. Having a negative experience of his first marriage, he is unlikely to rush to the nearest registry office, even if he really likes you. Therefore, you demonstrate with all your appearance that you prefer a real romantic relationship to formal registration. Let him feel how good he is next to you, and only then (psychologists measure the period of 6-12 months after they met) can you move on to the “offensive”.

For
Olga Koroleva All rights reserved

There are a lot of "used" men. A very sad statistics claims that every third marriage ends in divorce, respectively, the ranks of divorced men are regularly replenished. Divorced men, after such a serious step as divorce, begin to master a new model of behavior, and each has its own.

Parrot Kesha. He misses his ex-wife quite a lot. Despite the fact that at first he really wanted a break, then he greatly regretted it. The ex-wife is the meaning of his whole life. Incredibly wants a resumption of relations. Such a man can be married to himself if he finds in you the features of his ex, and you manage to become an indispensable companion for him, able to come to the rescue always and everywhere. The main thing is to show that without you he will not be able to take a step.

prodigal parrot. He also yearns greatly, but not for his ex-wife, but for their relationship. Therefore, even though he doesn’t really want to return to his former family, he takes upon himself the solution of most of the issues of his relatives, including his ex-wife. Such a man is ready for a serious relationship, but it is difficult for him to decide on marriage. Your relationship should overshadow his past experience. But be prepared that he will constantly screw the light bulbs in the former house. And most often at the expense of the time that I could spend with you.

Free Bird. After the divorce, he fully and completely enjoys a free life. He does not intend to burden himself and is ready only for a short relationship. The new passion is regarded solely as an opportunity to have a good time. Enjoys a good attitude towards himself. Such a man will not treat you too respectfully. And your relationship will be regarded not so seriously as to think about your experiences.

Phoenix. The situation is more complicated. Divorce for him is like a rebirth from the ashes. Freedom and open relationships are the meaning of his life. He is not ready even for short-term novels. Uses women and changes them more often than gloves. At the same time, he tries not to choose women above him in social status. He has a fear that a beautiful and smart partner will fall in love with him, which will lead to a repetition of the sad experience called "marriage". His preferences are limited to girls who are ready for fun without responsibilities.

Misogynist. After an unsuccessful marriage, he hates the entire female gender. The ex-wife is the embodiment of hell in his life. Ready for a relationship, but not always serious. May decide on a serious relationship to take revenge on his ex-wife. Therefore, you should not count on great and bright love with such a guy.

Sleepwalker. Men after a divorce quite often lose their life orientation. The once-established life is changing dramatically, and it is not so easy for men to adapt to new circumstances. This type of behavior is quite common. As a rule, such a man is ready for a new relationship, and considers his new lover as a future wife. The main thing is to take the place of the “king in the head”, which was once occupied by his ex-wife, and set him on the right path in life.

Eternal child. These men divorced their previous lover because they loved as long as his wife was a good mother to him. From his wife, he requires a lot of attention, affection and care. If the quality of these components begins to decrease (for example, after the birth of a child, when a woman pays a lot of attention to the baby), he instantly longs for a break. The likelihood that he will change around you is almost zero.

So, whatever model of behavior your divorced bachelor accepts, do not forget about the rules of behavior with divorced men:

• Information is your weapon. Try to find out as much information as possible about why he divorced, what was the real reason for the breakup. This will help you decide if this relationship is right for you. After all, if his wife was a "saw woman" even according to family friends and all their quarrels ended with her phrase "leave", he can be understood. Well, if the reason for the divorce was his eternal betrayals, which the whole city knew about, be prepared that he will not be faithful to you either. Of course, interrogations are not necessary. And everything that is important for you to know, it is better to ask his friends.
• Pay attention to what he himself says about his ex-wife and children. If the responses are only negative, it is possible that similar unpleasant words will fly in your direction in the event of your break. Well, children are a separate issue altogether. If he speaks negatively about them, this is a very alarming sign.
• Keep your opinion to yourself. Only he can speak about his former family. Do not give your assessment of certain events in their lives with their ex-wife. This can set him extremely negatively towards you.
• Be clear about your role in your relationship. Do not pity him and do not fulfill all his wishes implicitly. And, of course, stop all attempts by his ex-wife to interfere with you in any way. Remember that your future should worry him more than his former family. Otherwise, the relationship will turn into a struggle with his past.

Text: Ekaterina Serebryakova