Good afternoon! I have such an impasse now ... I’ll tell you in more detail to make the situation clearer from the very beginning. She’s 20 and 26 years old. I met a girl for half a year, everything was fine, she got pregnant. insanely happy about this, I was also very happy about this event. And then everything went to hell, probably a month later. In mid-September, I went on a business trip for 3 days to Odessa and was really very busy. I was driving for a day) fell asleep for the whole day, when I woke up I went into contact and saw my girlfriend had a bad status, I immediately called her and asked what was wrong, she was in tears and hung up, I blew up and flew to her to find out what was wrong She began to cry that I was so bad and didn’t call her for 4 days more than once and don’t worry about her, but strangers say people are more worried, she says that Dad blows dust off her in general. I explained everything to her that I was busy and almost I didn’t have time to talk. I asked for an apology and said that this wouldn’t happen again, everything seemed to be going well, some plans were planned. after some time, she changed her mind and said that it would not be comfortable for her to get to work in Cherkasy by bus. I offered her to ride with me in a car to work, but she would arrive an hour earlier and I would also pick up after work, this did not suit her because that she likes to sleep. She only offered me one option - to rent an apartment in Cherkassy. In principle, I didn’t mind, but I didn’t understand why throw out 2 thousand every month if we have a place to live, and even more so in a luxury apartment. Because of this we started arguing, we couldn’t find a common compromise, then we had a big fight and I stopped calling and writing to her. I was just scared for 3 days, then I realized that I was doing it wrong. she screamed that I don’t give a fuck about a child, that I still can’t decide whether I need them. I convinced her that I really need them and I won’t be able to live without them, we met in a cafe in the evening, sat and talked in a calm atmosphere and we decided that we would rent an apartment. We started looking for an apartment, we were looking for about a week, and we got a very chic option 2 apartment with a fresh renovation, everything suited us and we moved. She was very glad that we moved, everything went fine the first week and then it went everything is on the jamb. They started arguing over trifles in general, he says that I’m not used to living in families (this is true, I already live separately from my parents for 6 years and grew up without a father) and I probably didn’t understand some things, we sat down and talked and I understood my mistakes and corrected them. It’s been since week 2, everything was fine with us, then I was offended by her, but I don’t remember why and didn’t really want to talk to her, but somehow she didn’t even try to talk to me (offended by your problems) And she went to her parents, I call her and ask what happened, you don’t want to talk to me, why should I live with such a person who doesn’t want to talk to me being in the same apartment, we talked with her, I apologized and she returned. Another week passed , she was somehow out of mood constantly and somehow not willingly talking to me, I tried to find out what was wrong, she said that everything was fine, just tired at work. I hugged and kissed her, stroked her tummy every day to somehow cheer her up , but she’s not in the mood. Just then, her parents left for Russia for an exhibition, she asked her parents to stay together for several days, I didn’t mind, we lived there for 2 days, on day 3 we returned home, and it turns out I had a day off she was at work and I went about my business, then I had to ride around the city around the city, in the late afternoon I just returned home. Then I went to pick her up from work, we went to the store, bought food and went home. that the dishes weren’t washed and started screaming that I was at home and couldn’t wash the dishes, I was so surprised as if it was part of my duties and I didn’t fulfill them, I said nothing, didn’t want to quarrel and run around her, took the bag and left for training , I would wash her if she asked normally, I’m tired, I want to rest, wash the dishes, I would get up and wash without questions, but this one was said as if I had to. After training, I came home, she wasn’t at home, I dialed her to ask where is she? she told me that she didn’t want to talk to me, then she turned on the TV, I asked politely to make it quieter, why can she scream at me at all? I tell her that you don’t need to talk to me like that, I treat you with respect and love , she snorted, got dressed and went home. The next day I called her to ask if she was going to go home? To which she answered me no. ..I won’t live with you anymore..after 3 days she came and took things, I helped her collect and translate. I paid for the apartment, I paid for expenses and food, every week I gave her 1000 UAH for her expenses .Now she is in the hospital for preservation, came to her hospital twice, brought fruit. At the last meeting, she began to say that I would not come again, she does not want to see me, she started a new life in which I am not, live your life and I’ll live mine, she says she doesn’t love me and doesn’t have any feelings. Through friends, she found out that she doesn’t want to put up, she says that it’s hard for us together, that I’m not the person she wants to live with. Of course, I really want her back that would be a normal full-fledged family.
Roman asks:
Help! I don't know what to think and how to be!!! Beloved, being pregnant, left me for another, arguing that business is more important for me ... Now she lives with him. Tell me, how her relationship with this person can affect the pregnancy and the birth of my child? Help, .. I beg you. I'm afraid that suddenly there may be a miscarriage because of him. I'm all exhausted. Thanks in advance...
During pregnancy, psychological comfort is extremely important for a woman. Do not create stressful situations for her if you have feelings for her and for the child. It is important for a child to be surrounded by love and care, do not make him a subject of conflict. Only balanced and justified actions can make the woman you love look at you from the other side. Do not act impulsively, succumbing to negative emotions!
Rus. asks:
Are you sure the child is yours? A woman in a position is unlikely to go to another from the real father of the child ..
Roman asks:
This is not the first time... Many years ago, in 2002, she did the same.. But I forgave her. Then she was not in position. And my child - I am 100% sure of this. It’s just that she never loved me and I already think that it’s not worth fighting for her. Everyone will go their own way. And it is right.
Time will put everything in its place. Do not close from each other, conduct a dialogue.
Roman asks:
What kind of dialogue can we talk about when she is like hypnotized - she just hates me!!! Only for this... For the fact that I love... He is not going to give my surname and patronymic to the child. What can I say ... She just ruined everything and trampled ......
Attend several sessions of psychotherapy for emotional relief and development of a further life strategy.
Igor asks:
I met a girl, then she said that I should not call her anymore and that everything was over between us, without substantiating anything! After some time, she said that she was pregnant and therefore left me, because I don’t have a job, etc., I’m still a student. I really wanted a child and offered her a wedding. And now I find out that she married someone else! He probably thinks it's his baby! But I can’t leave everything like that, I can’t allow my child to have someone else’s last name and I couldn’t see him. I don’t call her yet and don’t say anything to her husband, I’m afraid that the stressful situation will affect the child! Tell me what to do???
Talk to your girlfriend. Only balanced and justified actions can make the woman you love look at you from the other side. Do not act impulsively, succumbing to negative emotions! And maybe your loved one wants to come back to you.
Pregnant girl left
Asks: Sergey, Nizhny Tagil
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Chronic diseases: not specified
Hello, my situation is not very pleasant, the fact is that we started dating a girl almost a year ago, before that we were friends for 7 years. Everything was fine with us, in January of this year we submitted an application to the registry office, and in the same month, but a little later, we found out that the girl was pregnant, our happiness knows no bounds, we love each other very much and were just in 7th heaven with happiness, then when she began to have toxicosis, she temporarily retired to her grandmother, she just wanted to be with her, as she explained to me, returning home, our relationship was still excellent. But a month ago, she went to her grandmother and wrote to me that she wanted to live with her and that she didn’t want to communicate with me and see me. Maybe this is my mistake, but I could not help coming at all, so sometimes I came to visit and support her, it seemed that she didn’t have hatred for me at that time. And 2 weeks ago she went to another city to another grandmother and now she is there, when I called her she said that everything was over between us and that was the point, without even explaining the reasons. When I was at work, her sister took all her things from my house, now there is no connection with the girl at all, relatives also do not want to communicate with me. I love her very much and our unborn child and really want them to be near. Maybe it's toxicosis, we have 13 weeks, but she still feels sick very often. At that time, I was annoying in the sense that I constantly called to find out how things were going and if I needed to help in some way, maybe this is the reason ?! Without them, life has become completely empty, sometimes even bad thoughts come into my head, but thinking about a child, everything cools down for a while. If it's not difficult for you, please help with advice on what to do now?
1 answer
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Hello Sergey.
The girl has already given you the answer. This is "no". But you do not want to put up with it and it is important to at least listen to the explanations. For example, in order not to repeat mistakes. But the reason might be. not related to you. Therefore, clarifying the relationship may not help you in any way.
To live together, love alone is not enough. There's a lot more to match. In your case, apparently, it did not match.
If a friend did not promise to return, then you should let her go forever.
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Question to the psychologist:
A woman left me at the 4th month of pregnancy. She is 35 years old. Informing me that WE are expecting a baby, she added that it would be nice to live separately. After six months of living together. Arriving from a business trip, I did not find her at home. I took my coffee machine and cat, went to live with my mother, motivating that it would be right, we are next to each other anyway ... ". She called ten times a day, asked what I was doing, told me what she was doing. Then the relationship began to deteriorate more and more, they began to meet less often, call up less often ... And at one fine moment, in a telephone conversation, she said, “Yes, I don’t want to live with you. To love each other, it is not necessary to live together ... We take care of each other so well ... ". When asked why and what will happen next, she answered" ... I don’t want to live just like that ... and in general, lately, we often fought because of my kitty ... What will happen next, I don’t know ... ". She burst into tears and, without explaining or commenting on what it means, said goodbye. Later she wrote SMS" You and our son need you ". After I stopped picking up the phone altogether. We met a couple of times, I stopped by her place of work. At the same time, we talked purely on abstract topics related to her activities, as if nothing had happened. In the coming days, she will give birth, after a month of unanswered calls and without meeting with her, I went to her, to talk and find out her well-being, barely getting through to her, I heard a dry and unfriendly answer "... what do I owe? ... I'm fine. All the best ... ". She didn’t come out to talk to me. I contacted her mother, the answer is “... figure it out for yourself ..., I don’t interfere ... ". She left, and I feel guilty ... They constantly gnaw memories, self-blaming. I blame myself. I worry about how to be with a child now ... how to relate to all this. I don’t understand anything, but there were disagreements about the abundance of wool from her cat, but she didn’t follow her and me to her Yes, I tried to take care of her, but she recently said that my concern was unnecessary. I understand that pregnancy, hormones, all that. But to run to my mother ... We dreamed of a bunch of children, planned our lives.
The psychologist Efremova Olga Evgenievna answers the question.
Hello Vitaly.
Your situation, like any relationship, is individual and unique, so it’s hardly worth thinking about any statistics. I understand that you are trying to analyze everything, draw logical conclusions, but this does not work in a relationship, it is important to see and understand exactly your woman. You just wrote very little about her, mostly about her specific actions. Understand the main thing - to analyze and try to understand the actions themselves is not enough - this does not reveal the meaning of what is actually happening inside a person. The motive for these actions is more important, and for this you need to know and understand a person, what feelings and desires drive him, what he wants, what to strive for, what is in his soul - you need to talk about this, ask, try to understand another person.
If now the situation and the behavior of your woman are so incomprehensible to you, most likely your communication did not reach this level of self-disclosure. Most likely, your woman was afraid to tell you what didn’t suit her, what she lacked in your relationship.
The way she left suggests that this was an attempt to provoke your initiative. After all, at first, having left you, she did not stop relations with you, she actively communicated, but she expected active actions from you. Perhaps she wanted to see how much you need and appreciate her, whether you really want to be with her, whether you want her back. It is very important for a woman to know the truth about what her man's feelings and intentions are towards her, and not to suffer in doubts and conjectures. In fact, it turned out that if she did not pick up the phone, your communication stopped for a long time, you did not look for meetings with her, etc. When did you come to her work - why did you go? Talk about everyday things? You have arrived, this is already your initiative, you should have led the conversation - to talk about what is really important for you, to solve the most important issue for both of you - your relationship. But it was just a casual conversation about nothing, what conclusions could she draw? She only made sure that you didn’t really need it, since you give up so quickly and don’t worry too much about your relationship and future together, so over time she communicated with you more and more coolly, most likely feeling resentment and disappointment.
I can also assume from your words that she wanted to be with you, but not in the format in which your relationship was. As she said - I don’t want to just live together? Most likely, she wanted a full-fledged family with you, to live as husband and wife. I don't know if you discussed marriage, but for most women it's still a very important issue. For women, the fact that the beloved man takes her as his wife is important, for her it is confirmation that he loves her, wants to be only with her, that he chose her for life together and is confident in his choice, wants children from her, is ready become its protector and support. Then the woman internally calms down, she feels protected, she is confident in her man and the joint future, and can be calm for her future children. Did you have certainty in your joint future?
Your question of what to do next can only be answered by yourself, based on what you want. It depends not only on her, but also to a large extent on you. If you want to be with this woman, raise a child together, be a family - this is in your hands, do everything in your power for this, show your desire with your actions. If you are not sure that you want to be with her and in general about what you want, also say so openly. So at least it will be fair to your woman, already practically the mother of your child. And both of you will get at least certainty in your relationship and possibly reach the level of open communication. Decide and act.
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