Hello dear ladies! Today I would like to raise the difficult topic of relationships in the family, when a woman experiences unpleasant emotions and feelings for her husband. Recently, a friend confessed - I hate my husband. When I tried to find out the reason, it turned out that there are many factors that can be endured individually, but all together just infuriates her. Let's try to understand the reasons for the hatred that has appeared and decide how to deal with it.

The reason is the decision

Every problem has its reasons. Hatred of a husband cannot arise just like that, for no reason at all. And first of all, of course, you need to understand why you have such feelings for the faithful.

With any reason, you can understand and understand what needs to be done in order to resolve the situation. I propose to consider each reason in more detail and understand how to live happily no matter what.

Family

I often hear women complain about their spouse's relatives: brother, annoying sister, and so on. As they say, we do not choose a family, and here you will have to put up with the presence of annoying relatives of your husband.

You may not meet or see them. It is your right. So, one of my clients directly told her husband that she did not want and would not meet his parents. But at the same time, she does not insist on his meetings with her relatives. They found a compromise. Try to calmly talk with your spouse and find a solution.

Sometimes women's hatred extends to the former family of her beloved man. My friend can not establish contact with the child from her first marriage. She tried everything, but as if on purpose she does everything so that her father leaves my friend.

The ex-wife does not seem to put a spoke in the wheels, but does not interfere with her new father's wife. Here you have only one way out - to honestly talk with your man, calmly explain everything and, on occasion, simply do not meet with members of his former family. If it is impossible to establish contact, then it is not necessary.

Lie

Another reason for women's hatred is when a man begins to deceive. My client suddenly began to notice that her husband's words did not converge with actions and reality. She began to catch him at first on petty deceptions, then worse and worse. He couldn't stop lying to her.

In order to solve this problem, you and your spouse need to understand the reason for his deceptions. In my article "" I describe in detail why our faithful do this. This is not always done out of malice.

When you understand the reason for his behavior, then the solution will come to you quite easily. If you are unable to cope on your own, then I recommend seeking help from a psychologist.

intrigue

Remember, hatred is a very strong feeling that destroys relationships. And if you can’t overcome him, your husband’s betrayal will not give you peace, you won’t be able to overcome this and move on, then most likely you won’t be able to be happy together.

I know a lot of couples who successfully survived infidelity, they were able to cope and start everything from scratch. It all depends on you and your desire for a happy future together.

Bed

Sometimes problems start in bed. Sex is no longer as passionate as it was at first, sensations are dulled, and what to do with it is not clear. First, understand that there is a solution for every problem and don't think that if you're having trouble with it, then nothing can be fixed.

Secondly, read the article "". In it, I colorfully talk about how family relationships. You can always start using toys, try to realize your erotic fantasies and desires, which were previously silent, watch a special movie. The main thing is not to be shy and openly tell your partner about your desires, then you will be able to reach such heights that you had no idea about.

Behavior

It also happens that the spouse changes greatly over time. At the very beginning, he was so affectionate and caring, but now. He began to forbid meeting with friends, does not allow him to leave the house without his knowledge, monitor correspondence and messages, limits finances and does not allow him to work. And the poor wife says to herself: I hate him and love him.

It can be very difficult to spot a tyrant at first sight. But staying with such a man can be dangerous for your health. Be sure to read the article "". Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Family matters

Relationships in each family develop according to their scenario. If you did not find the reason for your negative feelings towards your husband in this article, then be sure to tell your story below in the comments, you can get advice from our readers, as well as my view of the situation as a psychologist.

I am sure that nothing can happen between a man and a woman that will forever destroy their relationship. If both are ready to work and move forward, then any obstacle will be just a small event in their lives.

Our life and happiness depends only on ourselves. Therefore, be prepared to change and do something yourself in order to achieve harmony in family relationships.

I recommend that you purchase the book by Helen Verbeek and Elena Myasnikova " Relatives… Tactics and strategy of family diplomacy". In it, you will surely find many useful tips that will help you build harmonious and healthy relationships with all family members.

What annoys you about your husband? Do you know about some things that are unpleasant for your spouse? How do you usually solve family problems?

I wish you patience and self-control.
Good luck!

There should be no place for hatred in happy married couples. But sometimes this feeling creeps into the relationship of two people, the wife understands: “my husband hates me” - or vice versa. People in such a marriage sooner or later become unhappy, women are especially acutely experiencing this. They feel uncomfortable being in such a relationship, they want to correct the situation and save the family. But the question arises - how? How to deal with hatred in marriage?

Women are by nature sensitive and attentive creatures. They subtly feel if a man began to treat them differently. So what do you do if your spouse hates you?

Step 1: Analyze the situation.

Do not confuse hatred with indifference. Analyze the behavior of your husband, the state of your marriage, understand yourself. Often, after many years of marriage, married life becomes ordinary, boring. As you know, any feelings need nourishment. If not, they gradually fade away. To prevent this from happening, marriage needs regular emotional recharging. However, in this case, ordinary indifference to each other arises in a couple, and not hatred at all.

Step 2: Identify and eradicate the causes of hatred.

If, after analyzing the situation, you understand that the husband feels exactly hatred towards you (is inattentive to you, aggressive, harsh and rude in words and actions), then you need to deal with the reasons that led to this. Often times, several factors come together to blame.

Possible reasons for the husband's hatred:

1. You have stopped taking care of yourself. Men love with their eyes. Your husband should feel proud that you are his life partner. To do this, you must always look stunning. If this is not so, if you stop taking care of yourself, the husband, of course, will be dissatisfied.
2. You spend too much time at work. Your man may simply lack attention, care and affection. Once he chose you to serve as his reliable rear. And as a result, you disappear day and night at work and do not devote time to it at all. Of course, the man will not like it.
3. You stopped admiring your husband. A man should feel indispensable next to his woman: he should be her protector, best friend, educator, lover - the whole world. If you stop admiring your husband, he will stop feeling that you need him. And it will piss him off.
4. Daily scandals. It doesn't matter who acts as a provocateur. If you're throwing tantrums, you need to learn how to control yourself. If the husband is to be able to curb his impulsiveness. You are the keeper of the hearth, you are obliged to maintain a friendly atmosphere in the house. If it is not there, the husband's hatred of you is easily explained.
5. Once you made a big mistake. Often there are serious quarrels in the family. In conflicts where the wife's guilt prevails, the husband seeks the strength to forgive her. But this is not easy for everyone, especially for serious mistakes like treason. People can say that they have forgiven, but inside they harbor resentment and anger at a person. Perhaps your husband hates you precisely because once you were seriously wrong, and he could not truly forgive.
6. Husband is aggressive by nature. If your husband has a quick-tempered, impulsive nature, then his outbursts of anger and hatred towards you are easy to explain. By nature, he does not know how to control himself, and the slightest irritant causes a hurricane of negativity in him.
7. My husband has problems at work. Many people do not know how to leave work problems at work and bring them home. Your husband may have a conflict with the boss, and he takes out evil on you when he comes home.
8. Husband is cheating. If your man has a lover who is likely younger or more attractive than you, then in this case he will see your shortcomings more sharply and clearly. They will begin to irritate him, cause anger and even hatred.

When you identify the causes, eradicate them. If it was you, fix yourself up. If the spouse is guilty, talk calmly with him, express everything that you are dissatisfied with. Come to a common decision as a real loving couple. If both you and your husband appreciate what you worked so hard to create together, it will not be difficult for you to solve this problem.

Step 3: See a psychologist.

If for some reason you could not come to a common decision, the husband’s hatred does not fade away, then you should contact a specialist. A psychologist from the outside will assess the problem, be able to identify the true cause of the situation and help with practical recommendations to improve your relationship.

Step 4: If the situation does not change, file for divorce.

If, after many attempts to combat the hatred of your husband, you do not see any result, he continues to show aggression, insult, reproach, what is even worse - to beat, file for divorce. If in a couple only you want to save the relationship, and the man does not go forward, the marriage is doomed. So why mock yourself and try to save that happiness that has long been gone?

How to deal with hatred towards your husband

Sometimes women face the opposite problem. Having lived for many years in marriage, they suddenly realize that hate their husband . How to be? Still, women often try to maintain relationships in any situation. They feel sorry for those emotional and temporary resources that they have invested. So what to do if you suddenly feel hatred for your husband?

Step 1: Do not be surprised, but here again you need to analyze the situation first.

You can confuse hatred with fatigue, overexertion, anxiety. Perhaps the work takes you too much time or the children are so obnoxious that you constantly need an eye and an eye for them. You do not give yourself even a minute to rest, and the beloved man begins to annoy you. In this case, it is not hatred, but simple fatigue. As soon as you give yourself the right to rest, your emotional state will stabilize, and family life will return to normal. If the outbursts of anger cannot be explained by anything other than hatred, then this is a problem and needs to be addressed.

Step 2: Check how you feel.

Maybe your spouse hurt you in some way. And you can't handle the negativity you feel towards him. Imagine your life without your husband. Close your eyes, picture this situation in your head and believe in it. Then you will understand exactly what you feel, and whether your hatred is really so strong.

Step 3: Learn to forgive.

Many women are simply intolerant of other people's shortcomings. Perhaps over time, your husband got a little more of them (a beer belly appeared, he began to earn less or became more rude). And you can't deal with it. However, you need to understand that everyone has flaws and even you. People need to be able to put up with it, be able to forgive and find compromises. Only by overcoming your categoricalness, you will get rid of hatred.

Step 4: Talk to your husband and eradicate the causes of hatred.

The reasons for your negative attitude may lie both in you and in your husband. In any case, this needs to be discussed. If you both value each other, it will not be difficult to resolve this conflict in dialogue. Most importantly, be honest and open to criticism.

How to deal with hatred towards an ex-husband

When a marriage breaks up, women often cannot cope with hatred for their ex-spouse. They do not want to bear the burden of negativity, but they simply do not have enough strength to pull themselves together. How to be? How to stop hating your ex husband?

Step 1: Honestly answer the question, who is to blame?

If the husband was the initiator of the breakup, then you are subconsciously angry not at him, but at yourself. In this case, the ex-husband is the scapegoat. It's easier to hate him than to admit your own guilt. If you honestly tell yourself that you yourself caused the divorce, common sense and logic will help you stop hating a man. If the reason for the divorce was the misconduct of the husband, his behavior, then your emotions are understandable.

Step 2: Forgive and let go.

If the ex-husband is to blame for the divorce, then in order to stop hating, you need to forgive him. Trite, but true. Forgiveness is not easy, and, apparently, you still have not crossed this stage. But understand that the very heavy burden that you feel is not hatred, it is resentment. And hatred is just a side effect. If you find the strength to forgive and let go of a person, then hatred will go away along with resentment.

Step 3: Don't think.

Your thoughts are your enemies. If you constantly think about how terrible your ex-husband did, scroll through your head with angry speeches addressed to him, then you will never overcome hatred. You need to stop thinking about him. To do this, occupy yourself with something else: go on a trip or go headlong into work. Let your thoughts be occupied with something more useful and creative.

Step 4: Fall in love.

Love inspires and makes us happy. Happiness and hate cannot live in the same head. So fall in love! And completely immerse yourself in this feeling. Then there will be no strength, no time, no desire to hate the ex-husband.

Anything can happen, and sometimes love turns into hatred, because as the famous saying goes: “From love to hate is one step.” Sometimes, when the phrase “I hate my husband” is spinning in my head, many women begin to blame themselves for this and feel how the marriage is being destroyed. In fact, there is nothing fatal in such emotions, the main thing is to overcome them in time and then it will be regained.

There is no single and unambiguous advice on how to overcome hatred, but still there are many ways in which this problem can be solved. If such a problem as “I hate my husband” begins to bother you every day, you should sit down and calmly weigh everything. It is necessary to determine the reason why such a feeling arises, and then try to find a solution to it, because no, if there is a desire to understand the problem.

But still, there are some common situations that make wives hate their husbands. It is worth considering them in order to try to overestimate the personal attitude to the situation as much as possible.

1. It is always worth remembering that a man is a child, and he always remains so. Some men stay at the age of 5, and few manage to grow to the age of 16. A woman is a creature that grows up all her life, changing her interests, values, rules, etc. If a husband does not know how to react to what his wife does, it is useless to hate him for it, because sometimes children cannot show everything that is inside them. But they are not hated for this, but taught. Perhaps you should try to teach your husband everything again?

2. Sometimes, hating her chosen one, a woman makes his life more comfortable and from this her hatred increases even more, and sometimes reaches the limit. The husband may, on the contrary, try to evoke these emotions to make him more comfortable. Therefore, you need to carefully weigh everything. It happens that a woman herself becomes the cause of her own hatred, absolutely not understanding it!

3. The phrase “I hate my husband” often sounds after his betrayal, because all women know that men are polygamous creatures, but as soon as they stop admitting it. In general, adultery on the part of the stronger half is a twofold event. If a man did everything so that his wife did not know anything about it, but she accidentally sniffed everything out, there is no point in silently hating. Marriage will be destroyed not because of infidelity, but because of the hatred that is hidden. It is better to either dot the “i” or come up with your own solution to the situation. If the situation is such that he knows that his wife is aware, then it is impossible to hate him all the more, because in this way his pride will increase. It is worth finding either a way to solve the problem, or a way of revenge.

4. If all of the above reflections did not help get rid of the thought “I hate my husband”, you should continue to think and compare the facts. Sometimes hatred is domestic, and it is the most stupid. A husband can take his favorite place at the TV, at the computer, drink from his wife's favorite cup, etc. Yes, no matter how primitive it may sound, but such petty situations cause serious negative emotions, and if the realization has already come that hatred is precisely on domestic grounds, you need to immediately rein in yourself, switching to some bright and positive moments of family life.

5. "I hate my husband, but I love" - ​​how often women catch themselves on such thoughts. And if hatred is at this stage, then you should not worry at all. It’s just that there is a slight crisis in the relationship, perhaps because the husband doesn’t pay as much attention as before, doesn’t give compliments or doesn’t give flowers. Do not despair, you just need to resume a romantic relationship!

But if the thought “I hate my husband” does not leave my head from morning to evening and no solutions are found, you should contact a psychologist or tell your husband about it. Perhaps then life will change for the better or even radically change!

If many songs and millions of poems are composed about love, then it is customary to keep silent about hatred. It's as if she doesn't exist.

This feeling destroys, is brightly negative and strong enough. In addition, it is extremely dangerous, especially if it occurs to a loved one.

Why do I hate my husband? Causes

Have you ever experienced for yourself what one of the main folk wisdom says: “From love to hate is one step”? Why do we begin to despise and hate the one whom we loved so much yesterday? Why does hatred for her husband appear and what to do about it?

Oddly enough, but according to statistics, it is hatred of a husband that hides many opportunities for cardinal changes in a woman's destiny.

"Why do I hate my husband?" - the most common reasons:

1. Husband cheats on another.
2. You have a long-standing grudge against him, which you are unable to cope with.
3. Your husband uses physical force against you or your child.
4. The husband humiliates and constantly offends you.
5. Over time, he cooled off towards you.
6. The husband drinks alcohol.
7. You did not love him initially, but you got married simply by calculation.
8. You are simply fed up with ordinary family life and boring everyday life.
9. You began to hate your husband after his parents began to actively interfere in your personal life with him.
10. Hatred of her husband appeared after childbirth, as a symptom of postpartum depression or changes in hormonal levels.

If from love to hate is one step

Love and hate. Few people know, but these feelings have a lot in common. To think that these are two completely opposite things is to think wrongly, because the other side of love is not hatred, but complete indifference. It will be the absolute opposite of hate. Think for yourself: with an indifferent, indifferent attitude, we do not waste any emotional energy. But with love (as well as with hatred), the maximum of our attention is drawn to what or to whom we experience such strong feelings. So it turns out that both feelings are very close and equally emotionally charged, although in one case this charge is positive, and in the other - negative.

Why do you start to hate your husband? Another reason why you begin to experience the most acute resentment, anger, a feeling of rage is the following: so, the closer you let a person close to you, the more defenseless you become in front of him, the more painfully he can “stab” you in later life (an act, reproach or betrayal). Remember, opening up completely and trusting is always a risk. “But how is it different with a loved one or husband, how not to trust him?” You ask. We answer further.

What to do if there is hatred for her husband?

So, from all of the above, you already know that in terms of its strength, the feeling of hatred is equal to the feeling of love. As for negativity, here it is close to rage or, to a lesser extent, to anger, resentment or anger. But do not forget about another factor, namely your inner fear.

All this is no mere coincidence. The hormone of anger, rage and hatred is formed in the adrenal glands, and just because of the release of the hormone of fear. Consequently, most women begin to hate their husbands out of a sense of their own fear, after which hatred comes.

Fear of losing your husband, fear that you will be betrayed or exchanged for another, jealousy, financial dependence - all this is the answer to the question why a wife hates her husband.

Hatred for her husband - how to live? 6 steps to change

1. Calm down and engage in your introspection, analysis of your feelings. It could only seem to you that you feel hatred, disgust for your husband. In fact, it can be natural chronic fatigue, moral overstrain. In this case, rest or vacation somewhere by the sea will help you.
2. Try to imagine your life without a husband. This will help you understand whether you really hate him so much or maybe all this is just accumulated anger and resentment. Close your eyes and imagine that from now on you will never see him again in your life. Then analyze your feelings and draw the right conclusions for yourself.
3. Learn to forgive and understand. Most women are so critical and strict with their husbands that they cannot understand and forgive them even minor flaws, mistakes, without noticing their merits. But is it right? We're not all perfect!
4. Talk to your husband about your problems. If a woman lives with the feeling “I hate my husband”, but does nothing, doesn’t set life goals for herself, doesn’t know how to achieve even the slightest goal, doesn’t know how to explain the current situation, she should definitely talk to her husband and finally dot all the "i". Most often it happens that the husband apologizes or gives in to his wife, if it's all about domestic issues.
5. Perhaps all this is just your whims or a transitional age. Maybe it's time for you to mature mentally.
6. Do not rush to make hasty and irreversible decisions. It happens that a wife realizes how much she loves her husband only when there is nothing to return!

Good luck and be loved!

If a woman realizes that marriage is collapsing, and sincere love for her husband turns into hatred, then it is worth analyzing this problem from several points of view. You should not make hasty decisions, succumb to conclusions drawn on emotions. In some situations, divorce is inevitable, but the wife's intention to end the relationship must be considered. Often the problems of spouses can be solved and thereby save the marriage.

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It is worth remembering that all the difficulties that arose between two people should be solved together. Do not put your opinion above the opinion of your spouse.

Causes of hatred for her husband

Before you tell your spouse that your attitude towards him has changed, you should think about it. Sometimes the desire to offend a person appears on emotions. If the feeling of hatred manifested itself spontaneously, at the time of some kind of domestic quarrel, then it is necessary to restrain oneself and not tell the spouse too much. Even a random word can offend a man and destroy a long-term relationship.

If the hatred for her husband is constant and unchanging, and the woman understands that she is not able to endure life with this man, then it is worth considering a divorce. The reasons may be the following:

• Treason. To forgive or not to forgive an intimate relationship with another girl is a personal matter for everyone. If a man himself admitted to his act, then there is a chance that this will not happen again. If the situation was revealed by itself, then it is necessary to break off the relationship. Even if a man's infidelity was discovered after childbirth, the child should not be a reason to endure such an attitude from his father.
• Betrayal. An example of a common situation: a girl becomes pregnant, and the young man does not accept her decision to leave a potential child. After an abortion, which the woman was forced to go for because of her unwillingness to raise the baby alone, hatred for the man awakens. The decision to forgive should be made by the girl herself, assessing the complexity of a particular situation.
• Alcoholism or drug addiction. It is not uncommon for people to start drinking or using drugs because of family problems. You can hate an alcoholic husband for the very fact of his craving for alcohol, and for the way he behaves while intoxicated. It is worth considering whether it could be that the wife herself provoked the addiction of her husband. It is important to support a man if the problem is psychological. In other cases, specialized medical care will help.
• Gambling. When talking does not help, you should try to influence your husband in other ways. Sometimes talking to a psychologist can be helpful. In other cases, the help of a specialist is not necessary, since his family - parents and other relatives - will help to reason with the husband. Very often, a marriage can be saved, so you need to use all the ways to deal with the problem.
• Violence in family. It is both physical and psychological. If a man infringes on a girl, puts himself above her, develops an inferiority complex in her and makes her cry, then it is necessary to break off the relationship. Even if there were no beatings before, they can appear at any moment. Don't be patient and wait for things to get better. The relationship between two people will never be the same again.

If the marriage collapses because of the mother-in-law, then her influence on the man should be tried to be downplayed. His mother should not be allowed to decide how to live an adult son. In such a situation, you need to speak frankly with a person, find out his opinion on this matter, discuss the problem and make a decision. When the mother-in-law tries to manipulate her husband, it is important to let him understand this, to convey that all her actions are provocative.

Obstacles that prevent you from leaving a man

In the current situation, when a woman is trying to decide whether to keep the marriage or divorce, it is important not to listen to anyone. The problem must be solved within the family. Moreover, you should not put the situation on public display, tell everyone about what a bad man is and how hard it is to live with him.

If the decision to break up the marriage is made, but there are some circumstances that prevent leaving the family, then it is worth analyzing whether they are really so significant as to live with a hated person. The most common:

• Children. If the husband drinks, uses drugs or gambles, then the child will not learn anything good from him. On the contrary, it is even dangerous for teenagers, as they adopt the behavior of their fathers and mothers. There is a great risk that the son, having seen enough of domestic violence, will also treat his potential girlfriend. And vice versa, if the daughter sees that the mother is suffering physical and psychological abuse, then with great probability she will find herself in a similar situation in the future.
• Finance. Not always a woman has the opportunity to earn money to support herself and her family on her own. But if the desire to leave her husband is great, then this opportunity will be found. To live with a hated husband for the sake of money is vile both in relation to him and in relation to yourself.
• Common property. Women very often greatly exaggerate this problem. Real estate can be sold, divided, exchanged. Even life in the worst conditions is better than marriage with an unloved person.
• Reluctance to be alone. Many girls are ready to endure a spouse only because of the fear of loneliness. But it should be remembered that the continuation of the relationship is much worse. If you do not file for divorce now, then the chance of meeting an ideal husband in the future decreases.

There are also cases when women do not hate a man, but understand that their love for him has dried up. And they are afraid to leave because of pity for their spouse, fear of the future, unwillingness to break off a long marriage. If the wife is uncomfortable next to her husband, then you should not torment him and yourself.