Such women's stories can often be heard after a divorce - the children stay with their mother and after some time the father "disappears" from their lives. It would seem, well, okay, it didn’t work out for adults - it happens. But what do children have to do with it and why should they suffer?

It is impossible to justify such an attitude of a man towards his child “yesterday he kissed his ass, but today he forgot” - it is impossible. But you can try to understand what makes a man behave not "like a man" and can this be changed?

Indeed, after a divorce, the frequency of meetings between fathers and children decreases, according to one Russian survey. If less than 5 years have passed since the divorce, then another 44% of fathers often (once every 1-2 weeks) meet with their children. By the age of 10, there are already 32% of them, and later - only 24.5%. The proportion of those who rarely (once a month or less) meet with children rises from 43 to 55%, and never - from 12 to 17%.
That is, immediately after a divorce, at least every 10th man, and over time, every 6th stops communicating with his child. And if you take into account the cases when "daddy evaporates" before childbirth, then the statistics will be even more sad.

Before divorce

Unfortunately, the reason for this is often at the very beginning of the relationship - at the time of choosing a man. Women are mistaken when they think that men, just like they, dream of a family and children. When they hope that he will definitely be glad to hear "we are having a baby" or that an unplanned pregnancy will "tie" him. When they turn a blind eye to “minor” flaws and believe that they can change a man.
In fact, most men want to become fathers. After all, this is a reason to be proud and rejoice, the opportunity to give your child what you consider necessary and important. But they are afraid to admit it to themselves and others. Because they are very scared - will I manage, will it be possible to be a good father? And because they can't.
If a man himself grew up without a father, how can he know what it means to be a “good father” and how can he learn this? If before his eyes is an example of a family where “there is no dad, but mom does everything” or if the roles are mixed up, when “mother earns, and grandmother brings up” - it’s hard to expect anything else. Yes, it happens that such a man will be kind to his family and do everything possible and impossible for children. But in most cases, the single-parent family model is the norm for him.

It will be difficult for him to work out and formulate the right place for a man in the family. Often he grows up infantile and in his heart remains a "little boy" who does not want to take responsibility for others. Fears and complexes are disguised as callousness, the man moves away and even brings a certain philosophy of life. It is easier for him to leave, explaining to himself and others why he did it.
Nowadays, almost half of the children grow up in single-parent families and, as a rule, are brought up by their mother and grandmother. Including girls who, growing up, with great difficulty can create good partnerships, where a man feels like a man, and a woman feels like a woman. Many, following the example of the mother, “take on everything” or do not “let the father see the child”, not trusting him. And if a man feels not needed, what will keep him?

If your family or your partner's family had overprotective parents or not enough warmth and love; strong mother and weak infantile father; there was no father or there was material instability - all this can affect the formation of character. Men will have fear and uncertainty about fatherhood and success in family life, and women will have wrong expectations and attitudes towards men.

Take a close look at how relationships developed in your man’s family and in what conditions he grew up. Analyze your female model - is there a good place for a man and a father in your family model? Assess how men's and women's responsibilities are distributed between you.

Women want a strong, reliable man nearby who can take care of them. But, unfortunately, they often wishful thinking and confuse - strength with aggressiveness, confidence with narcissism and arrogance, freedom with irresponsibility.

The beauty of "brutal men" is that they seem strong by ignoring the rules and doing what they want. Yes, it can be interesting with them and a woman is flattered that it is "she is the only one for him, so strong and independent." But to what extent is the child and caring for the family included in the circle of interests of such men?
Be attentive to the little things and try to soberly assess your chosen one - responsibility is visible in everything - how a man treats his duties and fulfills his promises to other people, pays loans, etc. If he easily ignores his obligations, most likely, over time , the same will apply to you.

Moreover, women are not really to blame for this mistake - one can understand the attractiveness of such men against the general background. Yes, and physiology "helps" - according to research, during a surge of hormones, women literally deceive themselves, claiming that the most aggressive boors are more suitable for the role of the father of a child than calm "normal" men and even naively believe that such men are able to change under family influence.
Therefore, it is important for a woman to decide what kind of man she wants and for what - family or drive? Unfortunately, in most cases these are different people.

The human body produces oxytocin, or, as it is called, the attachment hormone. It is he who, at the physiological level, is responsible for the fact that when the passion between a man and a woman passes (usually after a year or two), they still remain together. It is produced during close bodily and emotional contact between people, makes us kinder and more tolerant of each other.
In women, the maximum release of oxytocin occurs during childbirth and while breastfeeding. But even if not all women have the maternal instinct wakes up immediately and it takes time for the mother to become attached to her child, then in some men this hormone is not produced at all and they are not capable of attachment in principle.

Look at his previous connections. If they lasted a year or two and he left, easily leaving his women and children, then you should think about it - most likely, you will not be an exception.

Often a woman perceives a man not completely, but as a certain function, for example, as a purse or a male sire. And after the birth of the child, when she gets what she wanted, the man is "pushed back." A modern woman can easily cope alone and, having given birth, often does not know "why else would she need him." As a mother, she is completely occupied with a child; as a woman, she is also completely self-sufficient and a man becomes superfluous. The Moor has done his job, the Moor can leave...
Don't make the mistake of trying to take care of the kids. On the contrary, stimulate and maintain contact between dad and child so that he feeds, plays, walks, holds him in his arms, etc. more often. Scientists have found that the level of oxytocin in both female and male bodies rises sharply even after 15 minutes communication with the child. The psychological factor is also known - the more a man has invested in something, the harder it is for him to refuse it.

What to do?

Usually, advice in such situations does not help, and it's too late to change something, what's done is done. But if you are still in the process of choosing, then remember the main thing - do not hope that you can change a man. Yes, there is a possibility that over time (after 35-40) it will change, but this is unlikely to be your merit. Only if he himself wants to, and even then, most likely, he will become different in other respects.
But at least when your righteous anger is directed at your ex-spouse, please remember that you, too, are responsible for what happened. It was your choice - you yourself chose this man, were with him and gave birth to a child from him.
When divorcing, try to make your relationship as formal as possible from a legal point of view - the amount of assistance, the number and frequency of meetings, sanctions for non-compliance, etc. are clearly stated.

During a divorce

The way the divorce went about has a special influence on the formation of good or bad relationships in the future. According to statistics, the more disagreements between spouses during the divorce process, the less often men communicate with children. The disapproving attitude of a woman to her ex-husband and to communicating with him as a child leads to an increase in cases of a complete break.

How often does a woman feel during a divorce? Depressed, insecure, disappointed, with wounded self-esteem, offended, angry, with a host of other negative experiences and fears for herself and the future of children.
Usually, all this negativity spills out on the “culprit”, who did not live up to expectations and made him experience such a range of difficult feelings. This is understandable, but meaningless - with her claims, a woman only forms a negative feedback in a man, which can be directed not only to her, but also to children.

It is impossible to ignore negative experiences - they exist and it is difficult to expect in this situation a calm attitude towards the ex-husband, respect and forgiveness. And it is not necessary - on the contrary, it is important not to keep them in yourself, "saving face", but to throw out and survive this pain. To forgive or not is your choice. But remember - until the situation is "released", you remain "attached" in it. And then the woman destroys herself with constant returns to resentment and often cannot create new relationships.
Divorce doesn't end! The main thing is not to get hung up on your grief and not to “groom” grievances and claims. Try to find the support of others, learn to please yourself and start living in a new way - at least for the sake of the children, otherwise they will be unhappy too. From my experience, most women felt happier and more successful a year after a divorce than before.

After divorce

From practical experience, I can say that many men suffer from the fact that they are not "allowed" to children. Even more do not go for a divorce, so as not to lose them and so that “a strange man does not appear next to them”.

And in many respects such fears are justified. If a woman has not come to terms with the situation, has not let her husband go and continues to live in her grievances, then the child becomes for her an ideal tool for manipulating a man.
With his help (I will allow you to communicate or not), she can control, manage and punish a man. Everything he does is taken for granted, but not enough (whatever you do, you will always be to blame and you will never atone for your guilt). Support and signs of attention are not appreciated or even rejected (we don’t need anything from you), the wife constantly demonstrates her displeasure.
Yes, this is how you can take revenge on a man so that he “feels bad too.” But how long will he endure such emotional pressure and feel constantly guilty? Guilt is one of the most difficult experiences for any person. Therefore, we usually try to either atone for guilt, or, if this is not possible, we leave from there and try not to remember.

By punishing her ex-husband in this way, the woman forgets that the child suffers too. What is more important for her - her grievances or the joy of a child when communicating with dad? Often men move away from their former family precisely in order to communicate less with their wife. And since it is she who stands between him and the child, meetings with him are also becoming less and less.

If the ex-husband is drawn to the children - do not interfere, do not impose your bad attitude, do not blackmail or punish the man through communication with the child. Try to separate and not confuse your attitude towards your husband and the child's feelings towards his father.

But do women themselves want to change the status quo? They want. But paradoxically - in the direction of reducing the frequency of meetings! Only 17% would like more frequent contact between fathers and children, and 41% would not like them at all.
The main reasons are clear - this is caring for the child in order to protect him from the bad influence of fathers (a man is an alcoholic, etc.) and caring for his own comfort - the desire to leave the child only to himself so as not to feel lonely and protect himself from unpleasant experiences and memories .
But do not forget that your child was born because he had a mom and dad. And no matter what the parents are, they are the only ones for the child. Do not forbid the child to love his father and do not impose your negative attitude.

The next significant factor influencing the relationship of divorced fathers with children is the marital status of the former spouses after the divorce. If one of the parents remarries, there is a weakening or rupture of contacts. In the case of the father's marriage - in 32% of cases.

Some men perceive an unsuccessful marriage as a mistake. And this attitude can be transferred to children - I want to forget everything and start life from scratch. A new family and new children is a new opportunity to do something differently and forget about bad experiences. Sometimes the new wife “helps” in this, being jealous and not letting him go to his ex-wife and children (or me or them).

But if the mother enters into marriage, then in more than half of the cases the meetings become rarer or stop altogether. At this moment, the woman wants to finally "turn the page and hang a big iron castle on a past life." She hopes to forget everything and wants the stepfather to become a closer person for the child and replace the father.

It is also now more difficult for a father to come to a former family where another man has appeared - his role becomes nominal and he feels like a complete stranger. Now he is almost completely removed from the process of education and finally moves away.

It is important to remember that no matter how wonderful a stepfather would be, he will never be able to take the place of his father. Don't try to swap them. The child must love or respect your new partner. But at the same time, he should always have a place in his soul for dad.

Time puts everything in its place - when children grow up, most of them try to find their father. It is a deep and natural need to "come" to the person who gave you life. After all, “it doesn’t matter what they then had with their mother - the most important thing is that they once met, loved each other, and as a result of this love, I was born.”

Often adults already children do this in secret from their mothers. And most often it was in those families where there were disagreements about the frequency of meetings. After all, while the child is small, he is a hostage to the relationship of his parents and must listen to his mother. And when he grows up, he can manage his own life and tries to compensate for the disturbed balance, the absence of a father. Therefore, it is better not to go on about your feelings from the very beginning and not to stand between the child and his father.

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There is an opinion that a man needs a child while a woman is needed. The couple broke up, the father disappears forever from the lives of children or appears so episodic that he becomes more of a mythical creature than a real person.

In other cases, a man takes care of children after a divorce, the death of his wife, and in others he takes care formally, providing money, but not participating with his living presence.

Why are the situations so different? Let's try to figure it out.

A man is not interested in a child after a divorce, does not communicate with him, in the most extreme case, he disappeared from the life of his child.

The fact is that the formation of fatherhood is a more complex and mysterious process than motherhood. It is important here how the relationship of a man with his father developed, his own worldview and his relationship with his wife. There can be many doubts, worries, a desire to step back, to say: “Yes, this is a woman’s business - to raise and educate children, why am I needed here? "...

Fatherhood, like motherhood, implies some personal maturity, a willingness to sacrifice one’s interests for the sake of a small creature, to show strictness, consistency when it grows up and much more, where the main thing is to be responsible for the transfer of spiritual values, for the development and formation of the child’s personality and, of course, providing the child with everything necessary for his life.

A man enters into a relationship, first of all, with a woman. And not every man has an interest in relationships with children, especially small ones. A man can communicate with them only through his wife. After work, the wife enthusiastically tells what happened to her and the child during the day, what grades the child received at school. The father listens pleased, and that is where the interaction ends. And the mother is pleased that he does not interfere.

It is especially difficult for fathers and daughters, there are few common topics for conversation, different worlds. It is almost impossible for some men to find a point of intersection with their daughter. At the same time, he can wait for years that it is she who should take the first step and build at least some kind of relationship with him.

During a divorce, if the father did not have a relationship with the child, if he did not join the child at one time, did not fall in love and did not become attached, there is a very high probability that the contact between them will be broken. “A woman is no longer needed, a child is not needed either” will work here. In this case, you should not count on his help and participation.

Sometimes the father remains at a great distance. Then, during a divorce, he will provide for him, but not communicate. This is a functional father, an ATM. But an ATM can also worry and get bored, not knowing how to approach a child.

It also happens that the father did not love his child. And this is also some given that you have to deal with.

If the father is involved in a relationship with the child, they will be important to each other, regardless of whether the parents are divorced or married. Often, growing up, children themselves go out to their fathers and sometimes really establish relationships themselves. In any case, a person with a healthy psyche will always be interested in adolescence who his father is.

In addition to the father's own difficulties in building a relationship with the child directly, there are serious obstacles on the part of mothers, grandmothers and other close relatives.

Even in marriage, it often happens that a woman herself spoils the relationship between father and child, knocking a man out of his father's role. Intervenes, controls, becomes an intermediary between him and the child, using maternal power over the child and female power over the man.

In practical action, a woman can humiliate her husband in front of her children, fighting for power with him. Constantly prove his insolvency, incompetence, create in him the feeling that he is doing everything wrong, that she, and only she, knows how to treat their child. A man will feel superfluous, unnecessary in the "mother and child" dyad, and most likely in marriage too.

When the child grows up, the woman will create a coalition with the child against the father, where the man will be the enemy, who spoils their lives for all and makes the mother unhappy. Spending a lot of time with his mother, the child will unconditionally believe her for many years to come, if he does not have a direct relationship with his father, where is that living person. At the same time, a relationship with a father for a child after a divorce can become a hellish test, because it will be a betrayal of a forever offended mother.

About how important it is for a child to maintain a relationship with his father after a divorce, I wrote here. And I will write more, because In work, even with adult men and women, the theme of the father always arises, the image of the father, which is then projected onto other people. And if the father in the mind of the child is “a monster, a goat, a beast, a scoundrel,” then one must understand how difficult it is for a woman to build her harmonious relationships with men, and for a young man to identify with men.

In working with children, if their parents are divorced, then a small step on the part of the mother - sharing impressions about the ex-husband as a bad husband and the impression of him as a father, not so bad, helps to reduce aggression, anxiety in children, especially boys . The opportunity to see, communicate with the father and recognize him as not so bad has a positive effect on the child's psyche, on the formation of a positive picture of the world and himself in this world.

An important topic is the feelings of a man, a father, when he misses his child after a divorce, wants to see each other, and his wife, out of revenge or other feelings, prevents this.

Here, a man needs a lot of patience and conflict resolution skills. Overcoming your own grievances and claims against your ex-wife. In the desire to sit at the negotiating table, a mature paternal position can manifest itself, when a man understands that he is not only attached to his child, but also very important for his baby.

Divorce and the new life of former spouses is one of the central topics in family psychology. And often one hears complaints from mothers who raise children with little or no support from their ex-husbands about the coldness and alienation of fathers in relation to children.

This heartbreaking dialogue between ex-spouses turned out to be a kind of test of the strength of a woman raising two teenage sons.

– Can I send you pictures of the children? They have grown up so much! They are already becoming so independent ... - the ex-wife chirps about children, wanting to share her conscious joy from this truly unique state .. TO BE A MOTHER OF ALMOST GREAT SONS ALREADY!

- Photo? And why…?” the man asked indifferently.

At that very moment, something broke inside the woman. Kom was not swallowed. Tears choked... And even the belated… well, came to the e-mail”, which sounded like a favor, could not drown out the inner pain… No, not an insult ... Annoyance.

It is unfortunate that the man was never able to grow up, realize fatherhood, accept this responsibility worthy of a real man - to be a father to his sons.

And here we are faced with the actual problem of our society, if not a socio-psychological plague - indifference. Indifference, indifference, indifference. A triumph of unbridled selfishness.

It is not by chance that I emphasize the situationality and isolation of each such case, since such a condition may indicate a number of serious personality deformations:

• about the psychological protection of a man(if you carefully study the anamnesis of the family life of the former spouses, you will notice that such indifference or, in my opinion, it is adequate to say “false indifference” is a manifestation of a psychological defense mechanism when a man was in a humiliated state, was rejected, persecuted by his wife or mother-in-law. Accordingly, the problem can be worked out after the fact, first with the ex-wife, and then with her ex-husband, provided that both of them are aware of this problem and strive not to make mistakes in communicating with people of the opposite sex in the future);
• about the egoism of a man and the corresponding attitudes, which are a priori toxic both for himself and for his ex-wife, children, relatives. (Here you can metaphorically give an example from history, when the French monarch, the Sun King, Louis XIV said about himself: “The state is me!”. Such exceptional self-conceit, with inadequately high self-esteem, as a rule, indicates the root problem of raising a future father in family.)

Moreover, it does not matter whether the family is complete or not.

So, in a complete family, the attitude towards the first-born is sometimes more reverent than towards subsequent children. Often reaching fanaticism: “You are beautiful, like a young Apollo!”, “What a beautiful figure you have, not like your father’s!”, - the mother admires her adult son, being next to her husband.

Therefore, often the firstborn has serious problems in the future. He was used to such an attitude from his mother. And even having married, he continues to experience a lack of enthusiasm on the part of his wife, who has already given birth to a child.

Indifference to native children, indifference in their upbringing is an exceptionally significant problem for our society.

A man sometimes believes that it would be better for him to pay alimony than to take part in the upbringing of children. Such an attitude, of course, speaks of the immaturity of his personality and the lack of ego-beliefs in the context of awareness of parenthood.

Conscious parenthood for our country is one of the most acute problems, one might say, chronic. The lack of awareness speaks of many destructive moments both within the personality itself and in its relationships with other people.

“I wasn’t ready to get married”, “I didn’t walk up”, “I didn’t want a child”, - how often do we hear these words from divorced spouses when faced with the issue of escaping responsibility.

I repeatedly heard from male clients how they were forced to marry, how they did not want a child ...

And every time it gets bitter. Why can't a grown man take responsibility? After all, sometimes we are talking not about one-day relationships, but many years of experience in fact of family life, about the notorious civil marriage, when the appearance of a child is quite logical.

Despite the relative novelty of the term “conscious parenting”, nevertheless, it is a set of psychological and pedagogical practices aimed at activating parental potential, comprehensive and, at the same time, competent participation of parents in the lives of their children.

For a child, a father is one of the most important figures in life and destiny. Despite the fact that fathers spend less time at home than mothers, they rarely talk heart to heart with their children, they provide a huge impact on the psychological and moral development of a son or daughter. In the upbringing of their child by no one and nothing cannot be replaced.

However, as often happens, after the termination of relations with the mother of the child, the father seems to forgets about the fact that his son or daughter is growing up, stops talking completely with offspring.

Sometimes such fathers limit themselves to congratulations on their birthday and giving gifts for other holidays, without thinking that the child needs not this, but live communication, advice, attention to his affairs and problems.

Why fathers do not communicate with children after a divorce

Why does it happen that fathers do not need children raised by mothers without their participation? Why do fathers stop communicating with their children after the breakup of the family?

Psychologists believe that the reasons for such an attitude of men may lie in the character of a person, in his value orientation, as well as in the culture to which he belongs. Consider main reasons.

1. Many modern men do not believe in the future And refuse to appreciate the past. The instability of modern life causes the fact that men no longer feel like the main link in the family chain, the successors of the family. They live one day and do not think about the future or about other people, including children. All care for children (even in complete families) is completely shifted to the shoulders of women.
2. Modern men have completely priorities and social orientations have changed. Their social ranking is no longer determined by the number of heirs or the power of the family clan. Much greater importance now has material well-being. For this reason, children have ceased to be important to the representatives of the stronger sex, because they do not see the point in "straining" because of what will not bring them success.
3. At present, many men lost their moral compass believing that everyone should be for himself, that no one in life can be relied upon. It is quite natural that with such an attitude, children, as long-term projects that require reliable partners, are not considered by men as something worth paying attention to.

Many men began to ignore their obligations to society, ceased to feel that they were obliged to feel obliged to raise their offspring. This opinion is based on the belief that the modern state does not value its citizens.

Thus, the wrong attitude of dads towards their children has strong social and cultural reasons which are not so easy to eliminate. However, if you do not look deep into the problem, the answer to the question of why dads do not communicate with children after a divorce can be found on the surface.

• First, it may appear man's reluctance to see his ex-wife(which is inevitable), who quite possibly already has a new husband. A lot of feelings are mixed here: resentment, and wounded male pride, and anger.
• Secondly, the father transfer your hatred for your ex-wife to your child. This reason is especially evident in a situation where the son or daughter is very similar to the mother or relatives from the mother's side.
• Third, the man can form a new family, requiring all his attention, and there is simply no time, no strength, no finances for children from a previous marriage. In addition, the new spouse may oppose the communication of the father with the child from the ex-wife.
• Fourth, men, in general, treat children differently than women. Somewhere very deep in them there may be fear or suspicion that the child was not conceived from him (after all, only a mother can be 100% sure that the child was born from her).
• Fifth, as you know, dad love and mom love- these are two completely different substances. Mom loves her child simply for what he is, no matter what he looks like, according to his character, according to school performance, etc. At the same time, it is important for the father that the offspring be the way his father wants to see him, so that the child meets his expectations and requirements (for example, he is successful, healthy, handsome, athletic, has common interests with his father).

If this does not happen, or if the child is still too young to win the love of his father, then the man ceases to see the point in continuing to communicate with that person, which simply comes from him biologically, but does not cause any parental feelings and pride.

It is not enough to understand the reason that a father refuses to interact with his children after the breakup of the family - you need to correct this, if possible. Otherwise, it turns out that the communication of the father and son / daughter is nothing more than just an imposed mandatory communication, due to cohabitation.

What should a mother do if the father does not communicate with the child

If the problem under consideration nevertheless happened, and the ex-husband, having left the family, completely forgot that his son or daughter is growing up (albeit without him), then the woman has to do something to solve this problem. After all, she understands that paternal attention in any form is extremely important for children. What can she do?

• It is important to know that for a child, a father is one of the pillars in life, a person whom you always want to see and know, regardless of the character of the father, his relationship to his son / daughter. Important tell the child about any manifestation of interest in him from the father's side, invite him to the baby's birthday.
• You can call your ex-husband and invite him to a matinee in kindergarten or school, tell him about the successes of your son or daughter, so that arouse interest in the child and his affairs.
• As a last resort, the following may be recommended: the mother may ask the father to babysit or take him to her for the weekend, while she is on a business trip, on treatment, etc., allegedly due to the impossibility of finding someone who could do this in the absence of her mother. It is possible that some paternal feelings will nevertheless surge.
• Can't lie son or daughter that dad will come soon or call, without specifying when exactly this will happen. Uncertainty is detrimental to the psyche of the child.
• A child who understands that dad does not want to communicate with him anymore suffers a lot - he feels deceived and abandoned. For this reason, the mother try to compensate such a lack of parental love and attention, in no case be tough and insensitive towards your son / daughter, so that it becomes clear that even with one parent you can be protected, find understanding and be happy.

Every man should understand that children are nothing don't deserve to be ignored from their side. You need to try to keep in touch with them even after the divorce from their mother, and you need to think about this immediately after leaving the family, because then it may be too late.

How to form a child the right attitude to the divorce of parents

If spouses who are on the verge of divorce think that children do not notice anything, then this is a delusion. The psychological climate in the family is what a child is able to feel from the moment of birth, not to mention an older age. Therefore, it is important to form in him the right attitude towards the divorce of mom and dad.

1. First, you need tell him about everything Honestly, and without hiding anything (although it is not necessary to report the true reason for the breakup). At the same time, it is important to remember that, in any case, the child will experience mental trauma, will ask questions, be interested in his future. Answer the relevant questions very carefully, but always positively. The son or daughter must believe that everything will be fine, just in a different way.
2. Secondly, it is necessary that the boy or girl believes that mom and dad have not stopped and will not stop them. be in love, protect.
3. Third, spouses shouldn't swear in front of a child, insult each other. Also, you can not set a son or daughter against the other parent.
4. Fourth, cannot be involved son or daughter in resolving family problems, asking for advice, because they are not adults, not psychologists and do not know everything that is behind a divorce.

If the child is aggressive, having learned about the upcoming divorce, in no case punish him, don't scold! You need to calm him down, help him cope with the situation. Simple hugs and phrases of understanding his condition are what help very well.

Correct behavior of parents after divorce

After the marriage officially ends, the former spouses must behave Right. In particular:

• Mom should forgive her ex-husband, to understand that they are not enemies. The same should be true for a father.
• It is necessary to determine how will it happen interaction each parent with a son or daughter.
• You can't say bad things about the ex-spouse, to try to form a negative attitude towards him / her in the son or daughter.

You can help the offspring see some of the "pluses" of the new life situation. For example, consider a plan for spending time together with each parent.

Questions from our readers and answers from a consultant

I did not communicate with my son after the divorce from his mother. After 10 years, I realized that I was wrong, but I don’t know if it is possible to restore relations. What should I do?

You should not try to return the lost in a short time, restore the destroyed and catch up with the lost. It is most reasonable not to force events, to let the child make the choice himself. Communication with you in any case will benefit him, even if it does not continue in the future. It is important for a child to draw his own conclusions about the personality of his father, to understand his roots. In addition, such communication is necessary even after such a long period of time, because it allows not to repeat unsuccessful life scenarios - a child who knows nothing about his father cannot analyze his mistakes and risks repeating them in his life.

After my divorce from my husband, my daughter stayed with me. But she constantly torments me with the question " Where is Dad? because her father is not interested in her at all. What should I do?

Of course, children will ask such questions. And it is very important to answer them correctly so as not to harm the psyche of the baby. Of course, there may be a desire to tell the child the whole truth and accuse the father of betrayal. Some moms also make up stories about a dad who works as a spy or he went to another country. The first answer is bad, and that's a fact. After all, the child loves his father and will not be able to understand why he is so bad. At the same time, the second answer has its drawbacks - when the child grows up and learns the truth, he will not be able to forgive the mother's lies. What is the correct answer in this case? Suffice it to say that dad lives elsewhere.