Hello, please help, I don't know what to do, how to be. I hate myself for leaving the guy I love. Yes, it's strange, but it's true. We have not seen each other for 2 months, although we live from each other, in principle, not far away. I called for a walk, but he was almost always busy, the weather was cold (it was in winter). I began to wind myself up, that this is it, he fell out of love and all that. I tried to suggest to him to leave. He said he didn't want to. And so it happened 8 times. In the end, he agreed, with the words "Yes, let's break up. We don't fit together." Then I began to have tantrums (I myself am calm), I began to self-hate from self-hatred. When my mother saw the scars, she used to swear for a place to calmly talk to me, listen to me. I trust no one. I do not have friends. I just don't have anyone to talk to about it. The only person I trusted was my boyfriend... now an ex.
Then we began to communicate with him simply as friends. After a month or 2, he calls to him. Those kisses again and stuff like that. I was just happy to have him by my side. But after he saw my scars, somehow moved away. After the "intimacy" he was so cold... Later we took a walk he kissed me goodbye and that's it. We continued to communicate, but a week later I call him for a walk, and he again has some excuses. Hysteria again. I write to him: “Do I look like a call girl? He said that I was fucked up or something and explained why he was too lazy. I calmed down. After a while, I again call him for a walk, and he again has excuses. Then she called again, wrote that I miss her very much. He just ignored, "I didn't know what to say." In the end, I suggest that he not communicate at all. Because I don't think he wants to. He answers me: "hmm .. well, okay let's not." What? Does he really care? Several days pass. Every day I cry and hate myself for ruining everything again. I am writing to him that I am afraid of losing him again. He replies: "You don't want to communicate with me at all. Ehh .. And what do you want now?" I asked him to give me a chance, promised to try to change (her character and behavior), to start all over again. He answered: "Now I do not want anything." I deleted all my photos from instagram at this time. I don't know if this is related or not. We haven't seen each other for a month, I really miss you. Is this his “I don’t want now”, is it something like “give me time”? Or is that all? What should I do? We don’t communicate for the second day, but it feels like an eternity (because I’m used to communicating with him every day). I can't force myself to go to school because I'm afraid to be among people. I want to cover myself with a blanket and sit in my room and not see anyone. What do i do?

One girl got married well. And you want in the guy who married her, what kind of flaw to find, but it won’t work out. And he is handsome, and of a light disposition, and not even a parasite. Even her mother, and she kept saying - take care, they say, of her husband. You, consider, in the lottery of life hit the jackpot, few people do this. It's been a year already. And the girl is annoyed. Husbands keep calling their girlfriends at work, and doing all sorts of interrogations. Generally controlled.

And if a corporate party is planned, they complain to each other about how difficult it was to beg their husband to let him go to the event. And she's just so restless. At work, even delayed if, so the spouse will never disturb the call. And about corporate holidays - just something and a question from him - whether to meet her, they say, or she herself will get in a taxi.

The lack of jealousy on his part offended her, in general. Rather, it didn’t offend, but it pissed me off a lot. On his friend's birthday somehow got out. So that friend, right in front of her husband, showered her with compliments. She whispered to him like that - you're not jealous or something, they say. And he is like that to her - I'm very proud of you. A semi-male colleague once looked at her with some documents to give or something. She introduced him to her husband, he shook hands with his colleague, and went into the kitchen, I won’t bother you, they say. And after that, he didn't ask her a single question. Once, about the jealousy of the absence, she even made a scandal to him. With special effects, yes. Such stormy tears.

She sobbed that if you are not jealous, then you do not love, they say. And he wiped her eyes, put her on his knees and says such that I trust you, they say, you’re just a fool. And that, in his opinion, without trust, nothing good comes from family life.

Let her girlfriends complain and ask if she loves, if she is not jealous at all. And they answer that love and jealousy always go hand in hand. She was angry, angry, and then she thinks - but I’ll take it and take revenge! You will know how not to be jealous! And she took her colleague and invited her for a cup of tea.

And she deliberately guessed so that he would visit her before the arrival of her husband. She served tea in the living room and turned on slow music. And she herself put on a blouse such that you bend over a little, so you can see all the charms.

Well, a colleague checked it out. And he did not notice how he put her on her back, kissed her and began to fumble under her skirt.

Then my husband came home from work. He looked at this disgrace, but silently disappeared into the bedroom. Colleague, I did the legs, of course. And she comes into the bedroom with a plow and looks so proudly. Only a moment later where her ambition and gone. The husband collects his things with concentration. And he didn't even deign to look at her. She froze in the doorway, so he pushed her away like some kind of furniture. He put the keys on the table and that was it. Goodbye, really, he said in the end. She thought he was joking. I was pissed off for a whole week. And then she called.

Hello! I lost everything, my husband, my son, my job because of my stupidity. The husband did not forgive me, my betrayal, took his son. I tried to hang myself, it didn’t work out, I want to commit suicide, I don’t want to live on without my son, my beloved husband. I realized all my mistakes, I begged my husband on my knees, he doesn’t want to listen to me. My life is slowly fading away. I see no purpose or meaning in life. I'm all filled with fear, so I can't get out of life. I know those who succeeded and envy them, they lie and nothing bothers them!
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Fallen, age: 40 / 10/19/2014

Responses:

Hello!
Please do not take any rash steps now, especially those that cannot be corrected later. It is best to calm down and try to look at everything that happened a little differently. Yes, you apparently made a very serious mistake, but who among us is not mistaken? Are there people who always do everything right, always do the right thing? There is no such.
The good thing is that you have realized your mistake, sincerely repent of it, and God will surely forgive and forgive your sin, provided that you do good deeds for others. Because human sins are enormous, but even more so is God's love for us, no repentant sin will shield us from this love. Let's hope for Him!
Moreover, you have a huge "field of activity" for good deeds - this is your son. You can do so much good, necessary, kind, useful for him! Believe me, in this sense, everything is ahead of you, you have very, very many opportunities to help him, love him and support him. Calm down a little, get a job, maybe not as prestigious as before, but, most importantly, stable, allowing you to earn money for yourself and to help your son. And everything will definitely get better, you'll see.
No one under any circumstances can forbid you to meet with a child, you are not deprived of parental rights. Therefore, it is better to try, perhaps once again asking for forgiveness from your husband, to agree on your joint communication with your son in new life circumstances. After all, your husband, too, as a reasonable person, even if he doesn’t forgive you, should understand that with approximately equal incomes and conditions, if the case suddenly comes to court, then the court leaves the child with his mother much more often, so it also makes no sense for your husband to rest on this issue. Therefore, now it is better to choose a calm, peaceful dialogue with your husband, but if it doesn’t work out, be ready to apply to the social protection authorities and to the court. But let us hope together with you that this will not come to that.
In general, do not despair, please, you are not alone, you are well done for writing here. Now, many of those who have read your story will be mentally and in their prayers with you, and together we will definitely cope! God help you, your son and husband, may everything get better!

Vladimir, age: 28 / 19.10.2014

Well, mother, you give! She doesn't want to be without a son! How will your son live without you? At the first failure in life, will he want to repeat his mother's experience?
Darling, drive these evil thoughts with fury! I realized my mistake, you say? So, if you realize, then live and try to make fewer mistakes! Life is unpredictable, who knows what will happen to your husband, to you, to your son next? And a child needs BOTH parents, even if they are not nearby, but they are! They pray for their son, think about him, take care of him at least financially, congratulate him on his birthday, name day, and New Year. Who, besides you, will congratulate him with maternal kind words, who will bless him? Set yourself a goal for the near future: survive for the sake of your son! This is the highest manifestation of maternal love! God help, dear!

Elena, age: 57 / 10/19/2014

Hello.
A husband cannot deprive you of his son, by law you are his mother and have all the relevant rights. You need to live for him, because mom is the most precious thing a person has. Right now you have the most difficult days, set a goal to live this day, then the next one, and over time it will become easier for you. Do not lock yourself in while looking for a job, equip your life. Take it all as punishment for your mistake. God is righteous and does not punish twice for the same sin. Rather, go to church for confession, repent before God and maybe He will soften the heart of your spouse and he will be able to forgive you. Do not despair, do not add to all your sins the betrayal of your son. Everything will work out for you, everything will be fine!

Alexander, age: 20/10/19/2014

Everything can be returned! don't lose hope. Everything can be returned if you were alive.
The husband will eventually calm down and change his mind, relations with his son will improve, and you will find a job. Drive thoughts of suicide - they are from Satan!
Drink soothing herbs, get enough sleep, watch sincere and kind films - arrange yourself such a therapy. Consult a doctor, let him prescribe the medicines that you will take.
Go in for sports, for example, some kind of aikido or judo, and you will no longer humiliate yourself in front of anyone. I am sure that you are a strong woman and you will succeed.

Margarita, age: 29/20.10.2014

Thank you very much for your response! I will try to hold on, even though it is very difficult. I go to church, I pray. It’s just that my son is still small, he’s only 9. I can’t imagine how he will survive the separation from me. His father promises to bring him every weekend. Lord, what have I done! We live in a small village, people gossip, it's unbearable!!!
I would be glad if someone else responds.

Fallen, age: 40/10/26/2014

(The story is based on a true story...)

Often making mistakes, we do not even think that for each step we will have to bitterly pay a very high price? The price of retribution is different for everyone and, accordingly, the consequences that completely change our lives.
I made a mistake. Fell in love. Love, what a mistake, many will say, it's a miracle. Yes, you can’t argue with that, love is a gift from God. But the problem is, I fell in love with my brother's girlfriend. This is no exception and a frequent occurrence in the modern world. From that moment on, my life changed direction dramatically, I went astray, betrayed everyone, my brother, my love, and even myself. It can be said that fate laughed at me, not having survived under its blows, I broke down, fell so low, for which I am now paying. The punishment is much more terrible when you realize all the bitterness of sadness and loss, the consequences of your mistake. I was left alone, alone with my torments. I'm in pain. It is a pity that time cannot be turned back and the past cannot be changed, fate cannot be replayed, you just need to accept it.

My brother introduced me to Anya himself. I will never forget the day she first entered my life. I did not understand that I fell in love with her, because we talked as friends. I became her best friend, that's what she used to say about me. We spent time together, walked, had fun, chatted for hours on the phone, I knew almost everything about her. Anya easily shared her secrets, cried on my shoulder from the insults of Ruslan, my brother. I was for her a "vest" - a person who is always there, no matter what. It became a must, even a necessity for her, and most likely for me. So I could be with her, because at that moment she needed me, it impressed me. I did not notice how, my feelings every day became stronger. At first I drove such thoughts away from myself, laughed at this stupidity. At the sight of her, my heart suddenly pounded wildly, even at a distance she was reflected in my eyes. When we all got together, a strange feeling took possession of me, hostility, pain, jealousy for my brother. I was overwhelmed with anger, I was indignant at myself, at the hopelessness and hopelessness of the current situation.
Ruslan continued to lead his usual way of life, at the same time meeting beautiful girls, while not letting Anya go, he constantly deceived her and forced me to cover up his adventures. Sometimes my hands itched so much to move him, but I couldn’t, I confess, I’m a coward, I couldn’t raise a hand on him, he is my brother, and even Ani’s beloved, how could I look into her eyes after that. I couldn’t refuse, I couldn’t stop him, I just looked and was silent ...
Unexpectedly for me, Ruslan offers a game, fun entertainment, as he said, to conclude a type of tacit agreement, a kind of deal with conscience. I had to save him from a new obsessive passion, which he was rather fed up with, stir up with her, and then how it goes ...
The offer is so low that only a bastard would agree to it, understanding this, I agreed ... Then I did not think about anything but Anya. If I agree, then he will fulfill any of my desires, rather a condition. And my only desire is Anna's happiness. Ruslan should be with her and in no case upset her. If I refuse, he immediately leaves Anya. I couldn't let that happen. What can you do. She loves him madly, Ruslan is her life.
Everything would be fine, that's just a new turn, Katya fell in love with me, and confused all the cards. Anya didn’t really like my relationship with Katya, she also knew about Ruslan’s past relationship with Katya and wondered how I could sink like that. Now I'm just as bad for her as everyone else...
The situation got out of control. Events took an unexpected turn. Our relationship became so tangled, everyone became jealous of each other. I was jealous of Anya, she was jealous of me for Katya, while she was jealous of Ruslan for Katya, Katya me for Anya, Ruslan her for me. It's like a Brazilian series. It's funny, but not for us. Anya is constantly crying, Ruslan does not pay attention to her, he is cold towards her. I lie to Katya about my feelings and thus make her suffer. Ruslan starts to get angry that Katya no longer communicates with him, because earlier, male pride was hurt, he starts a relationship with Marina, the girlfriend of our mutual friend. Then it started, I cover him, deceive Katya and Anya. I never thought I was capable of this. I would like to go to the theatrical, how subtly I dodged and lied. Drunk almost slept with Marina, angry at Anya and Katya, completely lost his head, but stopped in time. All this went on for six months. Six months of lies and pretense...and finally betrayal...
How difficult everything is. I have no strength, and my conscience tortured me, so there is still something human left in me. I've had enough, too deep in the swamp. Without hesitation, I told almost everything to Anya, about the contract, about Katya, that I never loved her, broke up with her, that I love only her, and did everything for her.
It would be better if he never opened his mouth. All that is forbidden must never see the light. But nothing could stop me...
Our relations have cooled, there is no longer the former openness, but what I wanted is my own fault. Ruslan announced that he did not want to communicate with me anymore. This is understandable, I betrayed our friendship and brotherly ties. Everyone quarreled to the nines, and it was all my fault. Found a scapegoat. Friendship, love came to an end, our relationship did not stand the test ...

I am not trying to justify myself, I fully admit my guilt, I hope that someday I will earn forgiveness from those to whom I caused so much pain and insults. I want to say one thing, love cannot be turned into a game, you will still lose. This feeling must be carried with an open heart and soul, you need to love without selfishness.
I still love Anya, knowing that she has a different life not connected with me or my brother, but with a worthy honest person. May she be the happiest.
After what happened, I realized that love does not mean possessing ...
I have nothing, there was only a memory and my boundless devotion. How sad it sounds - boundless. Without! Without! Almost reckless...

5 rules of relationship according to Sigmund Freud, consciously about the unconscious:

1. Why don't we fall in love with someone new every month? Because when we parted, we would have to lose a piece of our own heart.

2. We do not choose each other by chance. We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious.

3. We are never so defenseless as when we love and never so hopelessly unhappy as when we lose the object of love or his love.

4. The one who gains the conviction that he is loved becomes bold and self-confident.

5. Each person has desires that he does not communicate to others, and desires that he does not recognize even to himself.

How often in life, when we make mistakes, we lose those we cherish... Trying to please strangers, sometimes we run away from our neighbor... We lift up those who are not worth us, but betray the most faithful ones... Who loves us so much, we offend, and we ourselves apologize we wait.

You need to have something in common in order to understand each other, and something different in order to love each other.

How often in life, making mistakes, we lose those we cherish ...
Trying to please strangers, sometimes we run away from our neighbor ...
We exalt those who are not worth us, but betray the most faithful ...
Who loves us so much, we offend, and we ourselves are waiting for an apology ...

How often in life, when we make mistakes, we lose those we cherish ... Trying to please strangers, sometimes we run away from our neighbor ... We lift up those who are not worth us, but betray the most faithful ones ... Who loves us so much, we offend, and we ourselves are waiting for an apology ...

Do not quarrel over trifles, do not be offended by stupidity, all of us
entitled to do
mistakes, appreciate the one who is next to you and gives
a reason to smile and live. (With)

We need to have something in common to understand each other,
and something different to love each other ... (c)

We seek, we meet, we find, we lose,
Having - we do not appreciate ... meeting - we abandon ...
Trials and torture. Agreed - fled ...
They did not have time to live and parted again.
But where is love, so that forever and without end ...
Maybe this one, maybe the other...
Faces, bodies and smiles change,
But the search only multiplies the errors.
Love, affection, passion - whatever,
We play freely with ourselves and others,
When love - it's not hard to guess -
When it's impossible to live without each other...