How to communicate with your grandparents

Dan Zadra told Time magazine that the depth of questions a child can ask grandparents depends on their age. He advises parents to teach their offspring to correctly formulate these questions and to help the youngest members of the family understand the oldest, learn their stories and compare them with their own.

Children of primary school age can ask grandparents questions like: “What room did you have as a child?”, “What kind of pet did you have?”, “Where did you spend your childhood?”. According to the writer, the child can get fascinating answers to these questions, which in turn will help strengthen the bond between generations.

High school students Zadra advises asking grandparents more personal, emotional questions. For example: “Who was your first best friend?”, “What was your first job?”, “What would you like to do differently if you had the chance?” and so on.

high school students However, according to the writer, they are suitable for the role of grateful listeners of family stories - they just need to ask something that really interests them, as a grandmother or grandfather will immediately remember a story from their youth. The task of grown-up children is not to interrupt them or interrupt them, but to remember their words.

by the universal council for children of all ages Zadra considers the use of journalistic cunning when communicating with the older generation, whose representatives are often laconic. He advises asking more clarifying questions: “What do you mean?”, “Give an example”, “Explain why so?”.

The author of the tips emphasizes that such an approach to communicating with grandparents will help to establish contact with them not only for children, but also for their parents, who may have forgotten some family stories, or maybe did not know them at all.

Three words for which you can climb onto the roof and not be afraid to fall off it

Call Grandma. Please, this will take two minutes. Call your grandmother, - I asked my son Vasily. He's fourteen, and I'm lucky that he answers his parents' excited text messages. Left for a friend's birthday, four hours later I delicately ask: "Are you all right?" An hour later, the answer comes: "Yes." "When will you come back?" I clarify. "Soon".

Grandma will be glad to hear from you. Just ask her how she feels, I whine.

You were talking to her. So, everything is fine, - the son is surprised.

She is bored. It is important for her that we all call her, - I explain common truths.

Yes, our grandmother lives not so far from Moscow. She drives a car with us, leads an active social life and knows everyone in the area to the last dog. So basically, you don't have to worry about it. And in order to talk to us, she needs to climb a stepladder under the roof of the house - only there is a good connection. Every time I'm afraid that she will fall from this high-rise because of my call.

Mom, why don't you answer? - I shouted into the phone when I tried unsuccessfully to get through to her for two days. Already ready to go, stood on the threshold.

Now I answer, - mom is surprised. It turns out that she forgot her phone in her bag, left the bag at the beauty salon, but decided not to return, because the phone was still dead, and charging at home, and tomorrow she still had to go to the store, but she was too lazy, so I just took the bag today .. .

But I had a passport, - my mother answers, - if something happened, they would call you.

She has always been like this. With black humor. "Without lyrics," as she says to herself.

When I was still unmarried, without children and called my mother, she asked: "Do you have nothing to do? What's the use of chatting?" Later, when I got married, gave birth to a son and a daughter, the first question my mother heard on the phone was: "What happened?"

She doesn't like talking on the phone at all. And don't expect good news. Although we all try to please her. We are accumulating many achievements at once in order to inform grandmother - the granddaughter now sculpts from clay, the grandson won the Olympics, I bought a new wardrobe and so on. But Mom still twitches when the phone rings. Once she confessed to me: “I can’t stand it. My heart will stop. If something happens to you ... My mother, your grandmother was so afraid to receive letters and telegrams. She shied away from the postwoman - the sweetest woman. And I’m afraid of calls. bad calls."

When I'm sick or the kids have a cold, we don't call grandma. Or we call, after blowing our nose and clearing our throats, so that she does not suspect anything. When I was scared or hurt or needed help, I never called my mom. She didn't want to, didn't have the right to answer her question: "What happened?"

I called, - Vasily reported.

And what did grandma say?

She asked me if I had lost at cards and if I was going to get married.

I said that I was just calling, but she did not believe me. And you, when you were young, called your grandmother only if you played cards and were going to get married? - said the son, not without interest.

No, this is our grandmother joking like that.

In fact, my mother taught me to call only on business. And when I started talking about the weather and nature, I cut it off: "In short." I talked about my minor troubles or the remnants of a big trouble, problems that had already been solved, but backfired. She spoke concisely and meaningfully. And my mother just as sparingly offered to call for money.

Mom, I have money! - I shouted, because I needed advice, or support, or just - to hear my native voice. But she believed that all problems can be solved financially. Bad mood? Go buy a new sweatshirt. Problems at work? Find a new one. Like it or not, she was right - everything rested on a banal decision.

Mom, tell me that everything will be fine, that I will succeed, that you are proud of me, I begged.

Stop whining into my phone, calling me for all sorts of trifles, and then I will be proud of you, ”my mother answered.

When did everything change? I don't know, I don't remember that moment. I call my mother and ask if she needs money for medicine, if she needs a new jacket, if she needs to bring groceries.

Can you just call? Talk to me about the weather? - Mom is offended. She doesn't need my help, she just needs to hear my voice. She feels everything until the moment I said hello. And I feel from her voice that she woke up at four in the morning and could not sleep - she thought about us, worried, worried. And I really wanted to call - my heart was restless. But no, she's proud of us. The first one will never dial the number.

Mom, why? Yes, even at six in the morning call! I beg.

For what? You will be scared and come right away.

This is true. When my mother calls, which happens very rarely, my heart stops.

I'm almost forty, my mother is almost seventy, but we never learned to talk on the phone.

And I don't know what we would have done if it weren't for my little daughter Sima, the only granddaughter of our grandmother. Sima is five years old, and her grandmother gave her a personal mobile phone. Small, red, with a funny pussy keychain. And Sima calls her grandmother every day and talks about how she rode down the hill, how she went to draw, what her friend Anya said, and how the boy Sasha fell into a puddle. And her grandmother tells her about the bunnies who took her hat - the hat was gone, as if the hares had taken it. How a titmouse flew to her and brought a flower. As in a mink, a whole family of hedgehogs with hedgehogs started up. Sima calls her grandmother whenever she wants - at seven in the morning, barely waking up, at nine in the evening, to hear a bedtime story. And he says goodbye to his grandmother: "I kiss you a hundred times." Grandmother, standing on a stepladder under the roof, to catch the connection, is ready to balance on the crossbar as much as she likes for the sake of these "a whole hundred times."

After all, this is the most important thing that we want to hear on the phone.

Grandparents have a huge responsibility. They not only bring up children, but also pass on the experience of generations, family spirit and allow them to see the most different aspects of life. It is known that children who often communicate with their grandparents are much better at school, have a good character and are less prone to outbursts of aggression. In adulthood, such children usually remember their beloved old people with love and gratitude. The grown grandchildren take care of them and, if necessary, choose the best private pensions for the elderly or take care of them themselves.

However, not all grandparents find such communication easy. In some cases, they simply do not know how to behave properly. Here are some tips for communicating with the next generation.

Pampering or excessive severity?

Usually grandmothers do not have a soul in their grandchildren. They can't resist pampering them once again, showering them with gifts if financial resources allow, feeding them with the most delicious food and allowing almost everything. Is it true from the point of view of education?

There is a point of view that life with a grandmother is such a kind of vacation. Strict parents monitor proper nutrition and timely completion of lessons, and grandmother's house is a fairy tale where it is so pleasant to relax. However, older people should remember not to break the rules set by their parents. The child must understand that everyone in the family adheres to the same standards.

Who is more important - mother or grandmother?

It is no secret that in many families there is rivalry between mothers and grandmothers regarding how to properly raise (feed, dress) a child. Children instantly take advantage of this, starting to manipulate adults. In addition, constant disputes and conflicts in the family are not at all useful for either the child or adults.

Of course, older people want their opinion to be taken into account, they want to be needed and significant. However, in matters of raising children, the last word should remain with the parents. Grandparents can give them advice from the height of their life experience. But when making a final decision, it will be better for them to step aside. First of all, this is a manifestation of caring for a child who should not be torn between different points of view.

How to convey life experience?

Elderly people who spend a lot of time with their grandchildren can pass on a real treasure to them - a wise view of the world, understanding, the ability to accept life as it is. Old people, like children, are in no hurry. They have time to discuss endless issues, walk, enjoy nature, read books. In such a simple and unhurried communication, a connection between generations is born, which is very important for a child.

Communication with the elderly can be the most important experience in the life of a small person and a memory that he will carry with him throughout his life.

Grandmothers often do not have a soul in their grandchildren. Gifts, walks, treats, sometimes even ignoring parental prohibitions. But does such a relationship with grandchildren benefit the family?

Lyudmila Shepeleva, a consultant psychologist and grandmother of a beautiful granddaughter, tells about how to enjoy communication with grandchildren without pulling the blanket over you.

I saw a question from my mother on Facebook about the fact that the child does not leave the grandmother, and the grandmother accuses the mother of jealousy. In short, women are confused. I am a grandmother myself. It's been a little over three years now. And I love my granddaughter Eva very much, and I am ready to see her a hundred and fifty times a week. Break the mess, play hide-and-seek, build towers, drop Christmas trees and laugh in a way that only she can laugh.

We see each other more often on Skype, and when I don’t visit the children for a long time, I am bursting with an obsession that a girl can wean me, forget, and treat me like a stranger. Therefore, the desire to fly in and fill all its space with oneself is understandable. BUT!

I understand that my number is second. Initially and always. Number one is mom and dad.

My number two is common sense if I want kids to be happy.

My number two is a way to avoid stupid competition for Eva's love.

My number two is the understanding that the girl did not come into this world so that I would correct the mistakes in raising my own child and make me happy.

My number two is accepting children's approaches in raising their own child, and not imposing their "priceless" experience.

Of course, grandmothers are the most experienced mothers. But they should not forget that this experience will not fall on their heads for young mothers and fathers. If they ask, I will answer, show, teach. Are they going their own way? Great! Watch, ask, learn.

Life has changed a lot. I was taught to feed the child with semolina, be sure to serve bread, for two years not to go anywhere with him and put him to bed, rocking. Eva travels with her parents and falls asleep, lying in bed listening to Anya's quiet lullaby or her son reading a fairy tale.

Being number two doesn't mean being eliminated. This indicates only the degree of influence of the grandmother on the life of the baby. I am always ready to be there, but without imposing my decisions regarding the upbringing of the girl, without overshadowing the importance of the parents and understanding that they remain the main educators.

In addition, I understand how IMPORTANT it is to agree on what rules I will not violate under any circumstances: how to feed the child, how to talk to him, how to dress, when to put him to bed, what to punish and encourage. After all, mom and dad spend most of the time with the child. So there is no need to interfere with them. And every adult should consciously accept everything that you discuss.

At the same time, I know that everyone needs to be consistent: if mom forbids something, then grandmother should not slowly allow it.

I always remember that children really appreciate my help. I also understand that it cannot harm: there should be peace and tranquility in the family, and normal relations between us all.

When I see how Eva runs to meet mom or dad and hangs on them, completely forgetting about me, I quietly rejoice. After all, their love, care, affection give her a sense of security, relieve her of irrational fears in the future, form adequate self-esteem and self-confidence, encourage creativity, program for success.

It happens that something goes wrong in the family: nervousness between grandmothers and parents, the child reacts inadequately to one of you, cries when one of you leaves ... Sit down and talk. Discuss your approaches. Say what you like and what you will never accept. Agree on the rules of interaction. I don't open America. It's obvious. True, more often people are silent and further and further removed from each other.

By the way. I think being a real parent means:

• to know your child perfectly
• communicate with the child without an intermediary - this includes everything that stands between you and the child: telephone, computer, chewing gum ...
• have a taste for life - perceive all events only positively
• smile often at the child
• communicate in a civilized manner with the child
• be a super mom and super dad, super daughter and super son, super grandma and super grandpa.

Sometime, maybe 10-12 years ago, my son expressed the idea that he wants me to raise his unborn child.

“I like the way you raised me, I want him to grow up the same way.

Most likely, he forgot about it. But I remember very well and distinctly, and still feel warm from such trust. True, this idea remained unrealized: I am a grandmother, and my number is second. And the opportunity to experience fatherhood and motherhood turned out to be much more exciting and tempting on a journey through the endless expanses of Life ...