Sacred union "seven" held together by the Higher "I".

I once read lines from the Russian philosopher Berdyaev that struck me. They sounded something like this: "A family without love is prostitution."

And if most of the people have never experienced these feelings. I'm talking about love, not falling in love. Love is fleeting; passion, novelty of relationships, euphoria of feelings, the slightest difficulties and, after a while, cooling of both sides.

In one case, people disperse, carried away by new experiences. Bit by bit, wasting your heart on the novelty of sensations. For others, things are more difficult. A child was born from the passion of feelings. The child binds the parents for the time being.

Others cling to relationships because of mercantile interests (house, car, etc.). The rest, and most of them, is a purely philistine approach: "Well, what to look for, here you don't like one thing, there will be, you don't like another." And they live, rubbing against each other. Some, and, thank God, it turns out not bad. Over the years, people get used to each other, there is a feeling of affection and respect.

Others, having lived their lives, remain strangers to each other, And you don’t need to explain what it is.

Because of the appearance of relationships, children are the first to suffer. Children sense the lies of their parents. In the beginning, they suffer, carrying this pain in themselves. Over time, they get used to lying, benefiting from it.

Children deftly maneuver between their parents, no longer respecting either one or the other. But getting from them everything you need for yourself. An unhealthy family environment teaches children to hypocrisy and lies. When a child becomes uncontrollable, the mother screams: "You had all the best, you went to the best kindergarten, studied at an elite school. What did you lack?"

I will say: "The smallest thing is love and harmony in the family." Of course, it is easiest to send a child to a special school (especially when there is something for it), it is much more difficult to follow the spiritual development. Why is he sad today, cheerful? What is going on in his soul? How does your child live?

The child is left to himself.
Over time, this is rudeness, and even undisguised evil towards parents. Who to blame?

More often in the form of an excuse sounds: "We live for the sake of children." And people cling to this seemingly irrefutable fact. But that's another lie they don't want to admit.

When there is no understanding, respect in the family (I'm not talking about love), when there are quarrels, coldness, disagreements in the family, what can parents give to children? In addition to suffering and in the future an inferiority complex.

Who says, of course I would like to have a husband (wife) alone and die with him on the same day, having lived with him in love and harmony.

Children in such families grow up strong and healthy both in body and soul. On the example of their parents, whom they respect and love, they also create strong families. But such families are rare.

Sad but true, approximately 60% of men are raising other people's children. If a man, most often, after a divorce, after a while forgets his own child, then what kind of father will he be to someone else's child? It is very rare when someone else's child grows into a man's heart.

Ask: "Living with someone you don't love is bad, and divorce is also bad."
Let's try to find the middle ground.

I have already said that Love is extremely rare. People go through life without meeting it. To experience this feeling, you must have the following qualities - this is self-giving and sacrifice.

IN THE EMPTY SOUL AND IN THE HEART OF THE EGOIST THERE CANNOT BE DIVINE LOVE.

A reasonable question: "What should we sinners do? Not able to love?"

During our life together, we try to change the wife (husband), to inspire her (him) with our vision of the world. Hence the constant demands on each other and, as a result, misunderstanding and resentment.

You cannot change a person. Until he wants to change. She hopes that she (he) will want to reconsider her views on life - an illusion. It remains to accept the wife (husband) as she is. Difficult? Yes! But this will only strengthen your relationship.

Much, almost everything depends on the woman.
"He who has found a good wife has found good and received grace from the Lord."
"A grumpy wife is a sewer."
"A wise wife is from the Lord."

Understanding and patience, tenderness and kindness can smooth out any conflict. But if these qualities are not present, then it is difficult for both.
It would seem that it is easier to see yourself from the outside. It turns out to be very difficult to "see the beam in your own eye."

Become an observer of yourself; how you talk to children, husband, neighbors. How often do you rejoice and get irritated. How do you react to certain situations? It will be very painful and painful. Ask for help from loved ones. They see your flaws. By the way, we would be very upset if we could hear the opinion of others about ourselves. Man is so arranged; we always raise our own bar.

I always say that it is impossible for a great life to call a person a boor. Behind any accusation, resentment, something stands. One person cannot be wrong. And, if you are still figuratively called a boor, think about it.

Why is there no harmony and understanding in the family?
Let's look at the main problems disturbing the family.

Treason.
The wife is cheating on her husband. The husband finds out about it. We are children of nature. And what we see in it (the behavior of animals and birds) is embedded in us. With little difference; copulation in animals takes place twice a year. People do it ten times more often.

The male is designed by Nature to fertilize females as many as possible for the reproduction of his species.
In men, the instinct of reproduction was originally laid. Therefore, seeing a beautiful woman, he is seized by desire and passion.

Women, like females, perform the opposite role. Nature laid down a selective approach to males for them. We women need to like a man. Ultimately, we choose a man.

In nature, the female chooses a stronger and younger one. Or the males themselves fight to the death for the female. The strongest wins; as a result, strong offspring are born.

So, a woman sees a man with her heart. She must first be carried away by him, and only then - the bed.
Passion, desire prevails in a man, then everything else.

At the moment I do not touch on particular phenomena, both in the life of animals and in the life of people. There are exceptions; when a man knows and can subdue the primitive feeling - lust. This is not a violent breaking of one's nature - this is a spiritual achievement that a person strives for, receiving joy from the control of his body. But again, that's another topic.

And there are women whose hearts are closed, which means that at first the bed, but this is where the dating process usually ends. There are more than enough women like men now. Both those and others usually say in a tone that brooks no objections: "Where will you meet a normal man now? They are all goats."

When a betrayal occurs in a family, it is easier for a wife to forgive her husband than vice versa. Subconsciously, the wife knows that the husband's heart is in the family. For a husband, his wife's betrayal is more difficult to bear and often is not forgiven at all. Since the betrayal occurred at the level of the heart. So, it is perceived as a betrayal.

So, the wife finds out about her husband's infidelity.
Tears, choking resentment.
Husband: "I'm sorry, the devil beguiled."
Wife: "How could you, I believed you, and you turned out to be a scoundrel."

Resentment, fear, jealousy overwhelms the heart of a woman. She takes a rash step, puts her husband out the door. In general, when we are overwhelmed with emotions, try not to make decisions, they will certainly be wrong. He, too, rashly goes to his mistress. The family broke up. Then they will always regret this wrong step.

The wisdom of a wife is in patience, and of course in love for her husband. Show him increased affection, attention, care. After all, what to say, in the hustle and bustle of days, we forget to snuggle up to our husband, kiss, say a kind word. And for a man it is very important to feel needed and in demand. Your husband will notice your tactful reception, and appreciate your love and wisdom.

You have won. Yes, it was difficult. But now you know that your husband will fall asleep in your arms. And it is unlikely that he will allow himself to go far in his relations with women.

Sometimes women experience betrayal and the departure of their husband from the family so much that they end up in psychiatric hospitals for a long time. They get there not out of love for their husband, in whom they were confident as in themselves, but because of hurt pride. Because of exorbitant pride: "How could he leave me, clever, beautiful, and go to this prostitute?". She already hates him (husband), but with all the fibers of her soul she wants to return to the family ... "

Have you ever noticed that good people are often not respected? They help others, they are patient, they don't hold grudges, but for some reason, they constantly feel upset and lonely. Psychologists believe that the reason for this is the mistakes in the behavior of such people. Today we will help you sort them out.

Useless self-sacrifice

You ignore your own needs for the sake of others, but the world simply does not notice. And even if people insult you, you consider yourself guilty. This approach will inevitably lead to the fact that people will upset you again and again. Don't be afraid to tell the world if you don't like something. This will help you attract people with the same interests as you. On the other hand, unnecessary self-sacrifice most often goes unnoticed.

Lack of self-esteem

You don't seem to feel when other people are rude to you, or you just turn a blind eye to these "little inconveniences". But a naturally rude person will never love or respect you for it. So why do you keep putting up with it? If someone acts like they don't care about you, then it's really true. Don't make excuses for rude people. Respect yourself.

You depend on the approval of others

People who have a pathological need for approval from others subconsciously give out signals that something is wrong with them. But others do not want to communicate with people who are somehow different from them. Stop waiting for praise. You don't need to hear about what a good person you are to be one. And don't be afraid of criticism. People will criticize you for just about everything for one reason or another. Your opinion of yourself should always be the most important.

You are looking for the source of problems only within yourself.

You automatically assume that everyone around you is right, except when it comes to yourself. You think that you are responsible for everything that happens around you. Remember that no one will thank you for this, but they can take advantage of you and make your life even more difficult. Finding the culprits is a thankless task. It won't bring you love or pity. Better focus your efforts on finding a solution to the problem.

Boasting

If you constantly try to emphasize your worth and ask for respect, then you are in a dependent relationship. The more you try to convince others that you are a good person, the more often you will get rejected. Even if you really are.

You can show others that you are worth something only if you yourself sincerely believe in it. If you know your worth, you will not need to prove it to anyone.

Fear of rejection

You don't want to upset anyone, even if it's for your own inconvenience. You pretend that everything is fine so that others do not worry if something does not suit you. As a result, you are very often dissatisfied with what is happening around.

Don't be afraid to say no. Even the best people in the world can try to take advantage of you if you let them. Help others only if you really want to.

Ignoring self-interest

You are used to adapting to the needs of other people, so it is difficult for you to understand your own desires. You yourself cannot decide what to do, so you always listen to the opinion of the outside. If you are unable to make decisions and feel helpless, other people are unlikely to be able to respect you. Learn to listen to your own desires and don't be afraid to offend others. Most likely, your fears are far from reality, and you can always find a compromise.

You can't set boundaries

You always forgive others, because it is easier to do than to stand up for yourself. Even if others disrespect you, you find an excuse for them. It is very important to define your own boundaries of acceptable behavior in order to prevent others from overstepping them towards you. People who allow everything do not command respect.

Fear of being alone

You turn your relationship into a cult by sacrificing yourself. Moreover, while doing this, you feel comfortable. Perhaps that is why you only meet bullies, narcissists and selfish people, because you allow yourself to be used.

You don't have to choose between your relationship and your self-esteem. If you have to make this choice, then something went wrong. Be brave and don't be afraid of change. Think of loneliness as freedom and you will never be on your own for long.

Do you think respect has to be earned?

You agree that respect should be the result of actions or behavior. As a result, you do not feel comfortable if your relationship with someone is equal, because you firmly believe that respect must be earned. You think that a person has value only if they have done something.

The truth is that love or respect cannot be "bought". Learn to love and be loved unconditionally, and then your relationships with other people will become much easier.

In an Eastern family, girls are taught from early childhood to treat a man with unconditional respect on the sole basis that he is a man. A man in the East is an earthly god and Lord. To honor, obey and look after is not just a tradition, it has been introduced into the rank of law.

For example, a wife is obliged to serve her husband at the table, thereby showing respect. In India, washing the feet of a loved one is a sign of the highest respect for the husband. In Egypt, appearing inappropriately in front of a husband in an old robe and unkempt hair is a sign of disrespect. The most terrible offense in the Egyptian family, after which the husband has the right to kick his wife out of the house forever, is to tell him that he does not provide for the family - because by doing so the wife questions the masculinity of her husband.

Respect in the European family

In a modern European family, respect lies in the fact that spouses recognize that both husband and wife are a separate, independent person with their own qualities and virtues. Respect is a respectful attitude towards his aspirations, actions and decisions. Respect is the warm acceptance of another person and the awareness of their value and importance.

Respect a man means:

• Recognize his authority and status as a leader, "head of the family";
• Respectful of his physical and masculine sexual strength;
• Recognize his mind and abilities;
• Respectful of his merits and achievements;
• Respect his interests and hobbies;
• Recognize its merits;
• Trust his decisions;
• Respectful appeal to a man, the absence of contemptuous and arrogant tones in his voice;
• Respect for the personal space of a man (phone, computer, diary, diary) as well as for his family and friends;

It is not uncommon for a family to adopt rules that show respect, such as meeting the husband at the door or serving the man the first plate of dinner. Here respect emphasizes the status of a man.

Many of the list can be attributed to a woman, but there are certain differences.

To respect a woman means:

• Recognize a woman as a separate and unique person (she is special, not like everyone else);
• Recognize her attractiveness and sexuality;
• For a woman, the right tone of voice is important, correct and non-offensive wording;
• Respect for the work of a woman and her actions aimed at creating comfortable conditions;
• Equal status treatment of a woman, a woman wants to feel her active participation in family life;
• Respect for her emotions, feelings and experiences;

A sign of disrespect is the lack of attention from a man. The extreme degree of disrespect will be assault, screaming and insults. Cheating - can be assessed not just as disrespect, but a crime against family values.

For a woman, the concept of love and respect are closely intertwined. Disrespect is often a sign of a lack of love. If people in the family are respected, then people are comfortable nearby, they express their point of view easily and without fear. The presence of respect in the family can also indicate a stable and high self-esteem. For example, a woman in such a family will feel loved, and the husband will feel the main member of the family.

Why does family respect disappear?

One of the reasons for the loss of respect is the inability to respect the territory of another person. We forget that even a close and dear person who was now nearby was once unfamiliar and a stranger, we do not perceive him as a separate person with his own shortcomings and virtues. We do not see the advantages and notice the disadvantages.

When two people just met and fell in love, respecting each other is not difficult, because all attention, actions and desires are directed only to one person.

Lovers try to become one whole, approaching each other in such a way as to open up to each other as much as possible. And over time, the boundaries between me and the other person blur, it seems that the other is a continuation. and I can treat him the same way I treat myself. And this means controlling another, demanding something from him, now he owes me something. And when the love passes, the relationship comes to a new level, you begin to see other sides of your beloved. A person suddenly has flaws, sometimes the other does unpleasant things or, it seems to him, behaves completely wrong. Relationships lose respect. The fact that you couldn’t even allow yourself at the beginning of the relationship, at the moment of falling in love, turns out to be normal even after some time. Two people allow themselves to relax and begin to behave as they please. For example, calling a woman a “fool” at the time of courtship with a man would not turn his tongue; after the wedding, this is pronounced almost unconsciously.

Respect is keeping distance and respecting boundaries.

Respect is manifested in the willingness and ability to respect the boundaries of territories between two people.

Allow your loved one to be different. Give the opportunity to have everything of your own - your opinion, your things, your money, your personal time, your space in the apartment, your habits.

To respect means to respect and appreciate someone else's and someone else's.

Respect "cold" and respect "warm"

Genuine respect is not a neutral attitude. Respect in the family is the unity of love and respect, and although these concepts are very different, they complement each other. Love without respect turns into an uncontrollable feeling that deprives of freedom, and sometimes can be dangerous, because there are no boundaries at all. Without love, respect loses its soul, and becomes a dry observance of the rules, a formality. “Love without respect is short-lived and fickle; respect without love is cold and feeble.” Johnson B.

It is necessary not only to respect a person, but also to make this respect “warm”, respect as a native person, emphasizing his importance in your life.

And then respect becomes recognition: “You are important to me, you are valuable to me” and then respect will be expressed in a thousand everyday things, you will begin to pay attention to how you open the door to a loved one, how you say goodbye to him, how you listen or look at a person. Respect in the family is not banal politeness, it is manifested in attitude, in warm words, attention and signs of gratitude.

Here I described only a small piece, the principle of restoring respect in the family. By the way, the basic principle is that someone alone should start doing it (guess who? - That's right, the one who received the true knowledge of how to do it, and began to be interested in this issue, and accordingly YOU))), and not expect anything he is a spouse. Do not be afraid if you do everything right and disinterestedly, you will see that the spouse is changing himself!
Respect is the result of family relationships.

It is very difficult to create and very difficult to maintain.

It is important to understand the difference between passionate love and respect. The difference lies in the fact that when there is lust for each other, then there is no ground for respect in this case. This is very difficult to understand.

Look, young people met, they immediately developed a strong attachment to each other. It makes you act in such a way that a person behaves as if he respects very much, as if he is such a good, holy practically, right? But that's how sex hormones work. It was created by nature so that it was easy to bring people together.

But really, there is no respect. There is just lust, passion. These are two opposite things. Lust means "I want," respect means, "I am ready to serve, ready to do something for a person." When there is lust, a person also wants to serve, but he has a very strong idea why he is doing it. It's not just that he does it.

And then, when young people live together for some time, their lust subsides, after about a year, and respect has not yet appeared - they do not know what to do, they are at a loss.

The past strong attachment is no longer there and there is no strong desire to be treated with respect. And then a person can understand in a year or two that respect, in general, he does not have for a loved one. He doesn't know what it was, but it was lust, just passion, desire to own, etc. It is this feeling that gives birth to sensitivity, care for the first time in a relationship.

And it is very important to know at this moment that if you still start cultivating respect in the family (and you really need to develop it, and this is very difficult to do), then in this case you can greatly help yourself and your loved one in overcoming bad karma.

It is important to understand what RESPECT really is? Some think respect means something so secular, outward, i.e. I'm talking to you politely, and that means respect...

No, it's just a behavior, a certain style that a person chooses. Respect is much more, it means that I am very lucky with this person, I will not find such a thing in my life anymore, this is the best thing that is possible for me.

A person can be very well-mannered in behavior, but in family relationships this does not work because the relationship is very deep. Family life is a real test, a real test, because if a person is not able to work on himself, he will not be happy in family life. After all, relationships are constantly deepening, close people are immersed in each other, and when immersed, they do not notice how they begin to exchange their bad karma. As a result, it becomes harder and harder for them to be around each other. And in contrast to this, there should be work on oneself. According to Vedic knowledge, there is no such thing as a good life in a family by itself. Sooner or later, relationships deteriorate in the family, this is inevitable, because increased egoism works between a man and a woman.

We must begin to act in such a way that mutual respect appears. Where to start? When a relationship deepens, there comes a point where there is more negative understanding than there is positive in the mind. We look at the shortcomings of a loved one, and believe that only this can be seen in him, he has nothing more. That's why:

• The first rule is to find people who respect him or her and try to understand why.
• The next stage is that we must try to make sure that there are as few moments that defile relations as possible. This is a whole range of activities. For example, one should not walk in front of each other in underwear, in an inappropriate form. It is impossible for a husband to finish eating after his wife, to wash dishes. You can’t treat your spouse worse than children, for example, “Eat up, kids, otherwise now“ mom / dad will come and want it too ”or just dismissively,“ Eat it up, dear, otherwise it will go bad.
• Every day, morning and evening, for 15 minutes, mentally wish happiness to all people, and give the fruits to your loved one. When you wish for happiness, you thereby accumulate piety, and you need to give it to a loved one, I must say, "I do not want anything from this, let my loved one feel better." When you do this, or wish happiness specifically for him, then gradually, day after day, you will see that hatred and coldness towards him begins to subside.

When there is no respect, people do not see prospects in a relationship, this is the main sign. They just live by instinct. This means that there is no force that would enable them to work out bad karma together. This power is taken from within, it must be accumulated. Therefore, in order to accumulate this piety, it is very important to sincerely wish happiness for at least 15 minutes every day. Quietly, without ever telling your spouse about it. You don’t need this, like this: “Yes, I am !!! I wish you happiness, but you are such a bastard!” And after a while, depending on how deeply your relationship is affected, you will feel that your loved one seems to you not so bad anymore, and you will not associate this with your wish for happiness, it will simply seem that he is better on his own .
And then you will see that the horizon of your relationship with a loved one becomes brighter, there is an opportunity for improvement.

The most interesting thing is that one wishes everyone happiness, and the relationship improves between both. And you will be surprised how much! But you mustn't show your cards, because that will destroy any possibility of doing anything. You need to do it absolutely secretly, wish happiness to everyone, or wish him happiness.

• The next stage is that the relationship will begin to revive, and you will be convinced that not everything is lost with him. But the relationship is still like a small sprout that can be trampled at any moment. This stage is the most dangerous. In no case should you sort things out on it, because when hope appears, you will want to remember everything old and put everything in its place, you will feel that you can now talk heart to heart with him, but you should not do this.
• If you have taken away the gap, be more careful about it, and when trying to sort things out, you need to capitulate. To capitulate means to say - "you are right about everything"! Relationships will improve all the time, and in principle, there is nothing wrong if you admit your guilt in everything.
• Admitting that you are wrong about everything is the first step towards a better relationship. Do not think that he will become insolent, you will not give him such an opportunity if you wish happiness.
• If you see that a loved one has softened, in no case should he now say “you see, I live right, our relationship has become better!”, “I do everything well, I wish everyone happiness, but you don’t do it ". This will ruin everything for you, it will mean that you have harvested ahead of time. When a person does this, he reveals the cards, and it is impossible to change anything further.
• When we begin to respect loved ones, self-respect also increases, since it directly depends on this. The ability to work on oneself appears, a person cannot afford to do something bad, internal forces appear. Happiness comes only through respect. Otherwise, it is generally impossible to take it from family relationships. It should also be understood that disrespect in the family is not insurmountable. It is not something that cannot be overcome by working on oneself.
• The next thing a person should understand is that the freedom of choice of a person, which is very necessary for respect, is always in the realm of humility towards others. It seems to us that freedom of choice lies in never humiliating yourself in front of a loved one and not yielding to him ... Now, tell me, did this idea lead someone to something good in life? A man thinks that he is stronger than his wife in relation. A woman thinks that she is stronger than her husband, and they will never give in to each other because they have different strengths, and they will always argue. Therein lies the problem. But real freedom of choice is in the realm of humility. If a person is humiliated, he must admit his mistake, this is complete freedom of choice. But for this, a person must learn to respect himself. And you can only respect yourself for good deeds. Therefore, when a person, for example, prays every morning and every evening or wishes everyone happiness, then the baggage of good deeds accumulates in his heart, he will have something to respect himself for. And there will come a moment when a person has really become noble.

A noble person is distinguished by the fact that at the moment when he is insulted, his piety and self-esteem gives him the opportunity to yield, admit his guilt, and he does not feel pain and infringement.

Let's simulate a situation, for example, at work, one employee made some kind of mistake. Suppose he didn’t even do it on purpose, but all the employees condemned him. And he, looking into their faces, said very seriously, “You are right, I really did very badly. But if you are even a little inclined to trust me, I promise you that I will improve and will not do it again. I am really guilty.” Here is an example of how a person admits his guilt humbly.

If he says that, you know what will happen? Outside, everyone will start to scold him further, taking advantage of the situation, they will say "Look what a good team we have, we don't act like you ever!". He must stand very humbly, obediently, but not lose his dignity. What will happen then in the hearts of these people? Inside, they will love him very much, and outside, they will swear. But this swearing will be, as it were, simply staged, because it is impossible to blame a person who treats himself correctly. He has nothing to blame, he agreed with everything and admitted his guilt.

Now, the second option, the person did the right thing, and no one noticed at work. If he has the right sense of dignity, will he be sad about it? No, he's just happy because he did a good job. But if he does not have the right sense of self-worth, he will be offended from scratch.

It seems that he did good, but as a result he ruined relations with everyone. Therefore, a person must treat himself and others correctly, respect himself and others (and you can respect yourself only by respecting others). A person who treats himself incorrectly, relationships in a team with everyone, will have to leave from there. Although he can do much better than everyone else.

• This idea, to cope with ourselves, to humiliate ourselves, does not mean that we dance to the tune of a loved one. This is very important to understand. This will not happen, because we ourselves admitted that we were wrong, no one can blame us for anything.