In what cases do women decide to marry men who are much older than them? And what does this most “much older” mean? ... For some, even 5 years is a big difference, and for some, mature partners with a difference of 15 years are thrilled. Everything is tritely simple and not new for a long time. In the ranking of the reasons for such a bold marriage, love takes the first place. Say what you like, but grown men can easily fall in love with a young girl. They have experience, and courage, and wisdom, self-confidence and even excessive insolence, such knights know exactly what they want and take it. The second place in the ranking of reasons is self-interest. With this, everything is clear.

Few will refuse a successful and rich boyfriend, albeit with possible wrinkles and gray hair. Further in the rating - “What if it doesn’t turn up better ?!”. This reason is mostly close to girls with low self-esteem or little experience in amorous affairs. In fact, there can be many reasons for jumping out to marry a mature applicant, but the most important and interesting begins after the stamp in the passport.

Relationship psychology if a man is 10 years older video

Here the relationships themselves become more important, or rather their psychology. If everything starts very well, then sooner or later, as in any relationship, problems, questions and mutual claims appear. The psychology of relationships if a man is 10 years older, this is not just a topic for a bachelorette party or an article in a magazine, these are real anxieties, fears and experiences. It will be difficult for an ordinary layman who has not encountered this kind of relationship to understand the whole essence of possible problems.

The advice of girlfriends who do not have such experience is likely to be ridiculous, useless and even stupid. And if a girl has decided to connect her life with a mature man, she must be ready to always behave with dignity, at the appropriate level and in all situations that arise, think with her head and not be led by her own emotions.

1. Underestimation of a partner
2. Provocation of jealousy
3. Younger youth youth
4. Compliance with the requirements

Underestimation of a partner

There are a lot of rules in love relationships that are applicable in military strategy and tactics. For example, underestimating your partner. Women who are younger, more energetic and more obstinate than their partners are for some reason very confident in themselves and their abilities. And sometimes, having taken off too high, they don’t even notice how they lose respect and interest in their person in the eyes of a loved one. Excessive self-confidence allows you to underestimate your partner. And at the most unexpected moment, the man leaves. Yes, yes, yes ... the one who is 10 years older, who has gray hair and a boring stomach ulcer. Conclusion: for a man, age is not a barrier or a stopper. A man at any age can change his life, his woman and his family. Yes, it's a shame, it's sad, but that's how the world was created. Men tolerate breakups more easily and make decisions easier and faster.

Provocation of jealousy

Another of the common female mistakes that are in relationships with older men is the provocation of jealousy. Sometimes a girl worries about withered passion in a relationship. Anxiety about the evaporated interest in one's person, the coldness that has arisen and even apparent indifference, does not give rest. And here, the first thing that comes to mind is to make jealous. Of course, "I'm young, beautiful, but he's older and not as handsome as before"! Under no circumstances should you use this tool. Adult men are experienced, they immediately understand everything and draw conclusions. But the result of such techniques is rarely "happy endings." Conclusion: jealousy is not the best lever that should be thoughtlessly pressed.

Younger youth youth

When a man makes a difficult decision for him to have a relationship with a young girl, he certainly does not expect that over time he may hear reproaches about his age. And do not flatter yourself with illusions that he will not “pull” younger than you. If a man was able to successfully realize himself in a relationship in which there is a difference between partners of 10 years, then 15 years will not be a problem for him. Therefore, you should not bring up this sensitive topic at every opportunity. 27 )

Traditionally, the purpose of relations between representatives of different sexes is the creation of a family and the birth of a child. A woman is biologically ready to become a mother at the age of eighteen. Slightly different requirements are imposed on a man - he needs to support his family, and he is able to earn enough money and stand on his own feet only by the age of thirty. If a woman is 10 years younger than her husband, such a relationship is considered correct. In any case, no one condemns them. With distrust, and sometimes with contempt, they treat couples in which the woman is 10 years older than the man. The psychology of relations between partners is based on somewhat different principles.

Why do mature women prefer relationships with younger guys?

Let's first try to figure out why an adult woman of 30, 40, 50 and even 60 years old needs a partner much younger than her? As a rule, mature ladies start relationships with young guys unintentionally. No one is looking for a specially young husband just to satisfy physiological needs. If a woman cannot build relationships with peers or men who are older than her, she switches to a more accessible object.

It is much easier to "tame" an inexperienced youngster who does not have any in a bank account. In addition, such a partner will not dare to doubt the moral qualities of an adult woman, she is like a mother to him. He will not reproach her, torment her with nit-picking or jealousy. A young husband is a toy for rich ladies. A woman living on a minimum wage is unlikely to put such a burden on her shoulders. A rich young man interested in a relationship with a poor old woman is a sign of a not entirely healthy psyche.

However, a young guy for an aging lady is a big plus. He will bring into her life the sharpness of youth, courage, joy, naivety, in a word, all those feelings that are so familiar to her, but have already been forgotten a little. With a young man, you can start living anew, once again feel the novelty of already familiar impressions.

A young man is usually chosen as a partner by women who work as leaders or are used to the fact that everyone obeys them. Of course, older ladies sacrifice a lot for the sake of such relationships. Their reputation suffers, they become the object of ridicule, they have to provide not only themselves, but also their young chosen one. True, no one will appreciate their sacrifices. In the eyes of the public, they are aging ladies whose meaning of existence is only the satisfaction of sexual desires. Although, in fact, mature women do not really need stormy intimate relationships that much.

No self-respecting psychologist would approve of a relationship in which a man is 10 or 15 years younger than his wife. Indeed, due to the huge difference in age, the distance between the needs, interests, way of perception and assessment of the outside world in such couples is huge. Most likely, the therapist will perceive such a relationship as a problem and try to reconcile the participants in the drama with his choice and the resulting consequences.

There is a hypothesis that a woman chooses a young man in order to be realized as a mother and give her chosen one the care that her adult children no longer need. This version is very similar to the truth, if not for one thing. A young husband is also someone's adult son who no longer needs maternal warmth. Sons are always in a hurry to become adults, and too long guardianship from their own parents annoys them. In that case, why would a young man need a wife who seeks to replace his mother? The answer to this question is obvious: a mature woman who enters into a relationship with a young guy just wants to be a leader. Perhaps from the outside, her dominant position looks like a manifestation of maternal care. In fact, a woman consciously chooses the “adult-child” behavior model in order to command a man.

An established and mature lady who chooses a young guy as her partner refuses to have a relationship with a man of her own age or older. I wonder why she does this. After all, something does not suit a woman in a more traditional relationship.

If a man is 10 years older, it is based on submission. A mature husband is a person who has already taken place in material and psychological terms. He has his own habits, an idea of ​​the role of a woman in the family, society, a developed model of behavior. In addition, there are many prejudices that have formed as a result of a rich and often negative experience of communicating with the fair sex.

Perhaps relationships with a partner who is older than a woman are stable. After all, a man has a huge experience of communicating with girls. However, do not forget that today's chosen one is an ex-husband or someone's father. In his heart there will always be not only unknown memories, but also some feelings hidden from the eyes of others, perhaps emotional wounds. With all this baggage of experience, successful or oppressive, not only he, but also his chosen one will have to live.

In addition, it will not work to somehow change the character of a mature man. He has his own ideas about life and how you can act, and how you can’t, and what should be abandoned. A man who has long been accustomed to living by his own rules will not change them just for the sake of a woman. He will live as usual. Spend money on what you want. Do as he pleases. However, if a woman wants to maintain a relationship with him for a long time, she just needs to adapt to his rhythm, accept all habits and dissolve in his life.

True, not all self-confident women want to sacrifice themselves, their interests, freedom for the sake of a subordinate position and the oppressive authority of an older husband. Perhaps that is why rich middle-aged ladies prefer to have affairs with inexperienced, and nothing but money demanding youngsters. It's easier with them to some extent.

Why does a man choose a woman much older than himself?

Now let's try to figure out why a young guy needs an aged lady. It is generally accepted that men start relationships with an older woman out of selfish motives and because they are not popular with their peers. A young man who is interested in a lady who has taken place in some professional field can hardly be uninteresting to young girls. Perhaps he simply did not like sex with peers. However, modern youth has not suffered from strict moral principles or hypocrisy for a long time, so to say that a young guy lacks something in sex with peers is somehow stupid. In all likelihood, the young man perceives an intimate relationship with a woman who is 10 years older than him as some kind of extreme. He just wants to get new impressions and try himself in a new role.

Between a man and a woman who is 10 years older than him, this is not always a conscious choice. It is simply comfortable for a young guy to stay in the conditions that an adult and wise lady has created for him. He likes to communicate with an older woman and feel that she not only listens to him, but understands him. The experience of communicating with members of the opposite sex comes with age. Mature women know what their partner wants, what his soul lies in when he wants fun, and when, on the contrary, he needs silence and solitude. Adult women are less demanding of their young chosen one. They give more and expect nothing in return. And the level of conflicts in such unions is at zero. Middle-aged, but experienced partners forgive a lot to their unintelligent lovers.

With age, a young guy will change his feelings for his aging wife. For physiological reasons, he will no longer worry about her middle-aged body, and so much so that it will subsequently affect the erection. Getting rid of problems with potency is possible in a relationship with a young girl. True, you still need to live up to this time, but for now you can safely use the advantages and benefits that a relationship with a woman who is 10 years older than a man gives. You can build a career, achieve success in business, a higher social position. You can even have a child - all the worries about him will be taken over by an elderly wife. After all, she needs to realize herself as a mother.

What awaits partners in a marriage of different ages?

The age difference affects their relationship. In an unequal marriage, the young husband will always be in a subordinate position. The wife will become his teacher and educator. At first, such a relationship will suit everyone. A woman will receive an obedient husband who unquestioningly carries out her orders and rarely takes the initiative due to his inexperience. The guy just does not need to rack his brains over solving many of life's problems. True, with age, when a man takes place as a person and a professional, conflicts will arise between spouses. The husband will try to win back authority and become the head of the family. If he fails, the family may fall apart.

In material terms, the woman will be considered the main earner, because she is older than her husband. At first, the young man will like it, but over time he will want to manage his wife's money on his own, and she, most likely, will not allow him to. If a man does not learn how to earn money himself, he will not be able to realize himself as a person and become independent.

In a union of different ages, partners often have polar interests. After all, they are not representatives of the same generation. A young husband likes to spend evenings in nightclubs, dance, play sports, travel, discover all aspects of life and enjoy them. Especially if there are funds for such entertainment.

A fading wife will need to somehow fit in with a new lifestyle and a young partner. She will have to devote more time to her appearance, so that, appearing with her chosen one in public, not to shock everyone with her appearance. You can, of course, spend evenings by the fireplace alone, but then the probability of losing your husband is very high.

If a woman or a man, after the experience of an unsuccessful relationship, has received a psychological trauma that haunts them and because of which they are not able to build a new relationship, the help of a specialist, for example, a hypnologist psychologist, is recommended.

In life, you can see couples whose age is similar, but there are those when age difference one of the partners is significantly different. On this matter, you can hear a different number of opinions. Someone does not approve of the union built by the couple if the man is more than 2-3 years older than the woman. Then the human opinion reproaches the woman that she is not driven by love, but by completely different motives (greed, the high position of a man, etc.).

Of course, you can also meet such couples where pragmatism (due to benefit and benefit to oneself) not feelings. But there is a category of women who consciously choose their partners. And this is not an indicator of calculation, but an interest in another generation and the value of certain human qualities. But, in order to have a large age difference, certain subtleties must be taken into account.

If we consider marriages concluded in past centuries, then we can see a pattern when the difference in the age of the spouses was colossal (a very young girl and a fairly mature man, and sometimes a man who could be a grandfather).

Pros and cons of relationships when a man is 10 years older

Positive points if the man is older:

1. Protection. A woman has an instinct at the gene level, suggesting that a strong family needs a partner who can protect. And in the understanding of many women, only a man with a decent age difference can provide her with this. After all, if a man is 10 years older, then he is an individual who has already made up his mind in life, having a sober assessment of everything that happens around him. And just such a person is able to establish a strong life and family.
2. Loyalty. For most women, this male trait is a priority, which is why they believe that the ideal age difference should be significant. Such husbands, as a rule, have tried a lot in their lives, made certain conclusions and have matured to strong family ties without betrayal.
3. Understanding. It happens that a woman's opinion and her desires are very changeable. For example, in the morning a woman plans to go to the cinema, and when her husband provides her with tickets for the desired movie screening, she changes her mind and decides to go for a walk in the park. Husbands who are much older than their spouses are often tolerant of such mood swings and take everything with a smile, not a scandal.
4. position in society. Most often, over the years, male status increases. This means that he occupies higher positions, is able to lead with ease and earns decently.
5. Wisdom. It is very easy to talk with such a husband on any topic, he knows a lot and can suggest the right way out of any situation.
6. Children. It has been scientifically revealed that the ideal age difference in order to give birth to an intelligent and developed child should be about 10 years. If the age difference exceeds the mark of 10 years, and is 20 years old, then geniuses are often born in this case.

What negative points can be noted when a man is 10 years older.

There are practically no such moments. Some nuances can be distinguished when the trace of the upbringing of another generation is superimposed on the character. But this is so insignificant that it can be ignored.

What can be said about men why are they attracted to younger partners? As it turned out, the situation is not only in youth, body fit and freshness. Not a small role is played by the factor that with such women, a man feels more comfortable and confident. If a woman is much younger, then this is an excellent occasion for male self-affirmation. Such a friend is more energetic, cheerful, who has not had time to be very disappointed in life and in men.

Union in which the woman is older

There are situations in life when a woman turns out to be the eldest of the partners. No need to initially put an end to such a relationship. Indeed, over the years, a woman can effectively develop her style and charm, achieve great success in her career and become an interesting conversationalist. In addition, with high-quality appearance care (visiting gyms, beauty salons, etc.), the difference is that a woman older than a man will not catch the eye. And such a woman can even give odds to her chosen one's peers in her sexuality and beauty. Young guys really appreciate how an older woman can present herself, reveal her femininity, not embarrassed by emotions.

Women who have entered into relationships with guys younger than themselves tend to assert themselves in their own at their expense. And also such a relationship can seduce a woman by the fact that in a pair she will take a leading position. This situation is suitable for women who love power or overprotectiveness.

The ideal age difference between a man and a woman

But in order for such an alliance not to fail, one must be able to compromise. For example, a young girl likes noisy gatherings, festivities and clubs, while a man finds it boring and uninteresting. With regard to starting a family and the desire to have children, it is likely that a spouse with a ten-year age difference already had a bad experience behind him. Such a circumstance may impose little difficulty on a new relationship, as such important life moments as marriage and the birth of children may be met with little enthusiasm.

Not everyone is in a relationship with a person much older than themselves. Therefore, before building a serious relationship, you should think about it carefully and better more than once. For example, a man really wants to continue his race, but the woman has already passed her childbearing age. And this situation will only lead to conflicts and misunderstandings. And sometimes an older partner already has children from past relationships, and he does not want to acquire new ones.

The most important aspect is the fact that in a pair you need to find as many common ground as possible. This applies to life goals and interests. Then it will be absolutely not important what is the age difference between the spouses.

Hello. I am 26 years old, she is 36, divorced, not married and has a daughter, she studies at school. 4 months ago I met her through my world, and to this day we communicate very well. In all my time I have never seen such understanding and kind women, I have never had to communicate as actively as with her, as I have never been frank with anyone. In general, it is easy for me to communicate with her, although we have not met yet, we are planning how the heat will improve.

She is from another city, it takes 1 hour to get to Moscow by train. In addition to her, I also have other girls on the contact list, they are younger than me, but so far I still can’t communicate freely with him, I don’t know what’s the matter ... I tried to talk to them, tried to liberate them, but somehow they answer briefly, secretly , covertly, i.e. An open question is answered with a closed answer. Although they often write to me how things are and all that, but this is standard, where you can answer well or somehow, as soon as you get personal, they immediately somehow get away from the question, although I also plan to meet with these girls, and they I know…

But the thing is different ... I'm more worried about the 36-year-old, I feel that she is closer to me than the others, I'm already quite used to her, and she also admits this to me, I have such thoughts that I love her, although I understand that I can't count on her. There are reasons:

1. This is that she has a daughter, I am not ready to raise her and do not want to.

2. Her age is too big a difference for me, especially since she is older than me, if she were younger, then another story.

3. The fact that she said that she was not going to marry anyone and would never be, that her daughter belongs to her, she confessed to me that already several men almost offered her hand, she refused. Although it is hard to believe that she will not come out someday or will not find a man for herself, at least for a life together.

I confessed to her: "It's a pity - either I was born late, or you were born early." And she also told me: “If I was free and the age difference was not so great, then we could think of something and think about our relationship.” And we understand each other, no matter how, nothing will work out, except for sincere friendship.

She is a beautiful woman, I have accumulated a lot of her pictures, and I also sent her. Be that as it may, I try not to get hung up on it, I, thank God, do not think much about it yet. Despite the fact that there are other girls in contact. I kind of want to and will try to get to know you really live ... but here is another topic ... I have already written on this site recently.

But... for some reason I'm jealous of her, that is. to the 36-year-old, realizing that I can’t build anything with her except friendship, but I’m jealous ... I told her about it, she said that she loves when she’s jealous. I'm jealous like this: for example, she added another friend to the contact, and I have such a slight attack of jealousy begins, some friend made a gift in her contact in the guest book, I'm also jealous already. I am jealous, imagining how she communicates with them, how she likes to communicate with him more ... how confessions are made to each other. Every time I feel jealous, I constantly reassure myself, as a psychologist myself, I think, analyze, tell myself that there is no reason for jealousy, especially since she is nobody to me, but just a good virtual friend ...

Tell me, what to do with her? What to do with jealousy, maybe somehow talk to her in a chat or confess her feelings to her when we meet, and I don’t know if it’s worth dating? Moreover, there is one man who makes frank confessions to her every day, it infuriates me !!! I would like to visit him to see if my girlfriend reciprocates? But somehow I do not dare. I am afraid that things will go far, that I will always depend on her, and there is already a feeling of dependence, for example, if she does not write for a long time or is not in touch, I feel longing. I knock down melancholy by talking with other girls, but still I'm waiting for her!

In general, advise, how should I deal with it? I'm just looking for relationships, I want to find myself girls for friendship and love ...

You can also ask your question to a psychologist and get an answer. Write on [email protected] and do not forget to indicate the subject of the letter - "Question to the psychologist."

"Hello!

My name is Yuri. I am 29 years old. Last year I met a girl 38 years old (that is, she will be 39 now). I like her. He looks very young, beyond his years, so to speak. She has a 16-year-old daughter, I have no children, never married.

Now we are starting to move into a serious relationship with her. But the opinion of my surroundings (relatives and acquaintances) tends to the fact that it is not “seriously” with her: for example, for many years, she may not give birth (I want at least one child 100%), she will quickly begin to age after 40, there will be no strength to work with a child and then after the decree to work at the same time, a big burden will fall on you ... I understand this in principle. Naturally, this is a little embarrassing, but I wanted to find a girl to my heart, to my liking. She likes it, although, of course, our interests differ quite a lot.

Tell me, please, how to be? Should we talk and end the relationship? Or go with the flow and look at the horizon in the hope that the storm will not overtake?

Yuri, hello!

It seems to me that at your age you can afford to make independent decisions, although it is not always easy to withstand family pressure. Perhaps your family is voicing your own fears that you don't fully acknowledge. But more importantly, you found a woman with whom you feel good. And, perhaps, first of all, it is worth discussing with her your plans for the future. Does she want children from you in the future, does she want to build a long-term relationship with you? It is possible that she has her own picture of her own future, in which, for example, she does not consider you as a permanent life partner.

Unfortunately, in our country the stereotype is too strong that life after 40 years ends, not begins. At the age of 40, many women have the strength not only to give birth to a child (if they want it), but also to raise it, and the birth of a child is stressful for the female body, regardless of age, so at first a woman needs support from loved ones, especially from the child's father. And if this scares you, then perhaps you yourself are not ready for this step right now, and the point is not that your girlfriend will not be able to give birth after 40.

It seems to me that you should look into "yourself" and see what is happening inside you, what are your own doubts, fears. Get over your family's fears and resolve this issue on your own.

As for interests, the matter is also not always in the age difference. Simply, no matter how trite it may sound, in principle, all people are different, so they can have different hobbies and hobbies. It is important that your worldview and views coincide on basic issues such as the desire to have children, finances, religious views, and everything that is important to both of you.

If you "like" your girlfriend, then why not continue the relationship by talking to her about your concerns? You say that now you are moving on to a more serious relationship. What does this mean to you? Do you want to live together? Does she want the same? Once again, it's important that you and she have a shared vision of your future so that any difficulties that arise, such as public opinion or your family's condemnation and fears, will be a little easier to deal with.

From your letter it is not very clear whether your loved ones know your girlfriend. If not, then perhaps personal communication with her will somehow help change their attitude to the current situation.

And remember: the same age, the presence of joint hobbies does not always guarantee a strong relationship. If you like her, you have feelings for her, and she has feelings for you, then you can try to build a happy family just on mutual love. But it's up to you!