Many girls are tormented by the question of why men return to their ex-wives if something does not suit them in marriage. Some say that during a life together a habit is developed, others argue that true love never goes away. Today we will try to get to the bottom of this issue. Read all the details below.

Why do men leave

Every marriage has its problems. And in order to answer the question of why men return to ex-wives, you must first understand why they leave their faithful.

• The first is, of course, due to an elementary misunderstanding. People change with age, and it is foolish to reproach a person that he is no longer the same as he was before. This is quite natural. A person develops, his interests and goals change. And this means that you need to come to terms with a new personality, and not try to return the past.
• The second is eternal employment. Often a woman does not even notice that every day she devotes less and less time to her spouse. Household chores, a child, meetings with friends and parents take away all your free time. It simply does not remain for love. And in this situation, the man begins to look for warmth and understanding on the side.
• The third is financial problems. A young family should always live separately, but, unfortunately, not all people have the opportunity to buy their own apartment. When the newlyweds between them begin constant quarrels. The older generation is trying to teach children how to live and constantly intervenes in their problems. To endure this for a long time, many do not have the strength.

Why do men look for love on the side

We learned why the representatives of the stronger sex leave the family. But before we know if men go back to their ex-wives, we think about the main reason so many marriages fail. A mistress is a single woman who wants to make a profitable match with a married man. It is she who is the cause of the collapse of many marriages. Of course, we will not condemn anyone, everyone has their own life, we will just think about why men go to their mistresses. As mentioned above, after several years of marriage, especially after the appearance of children, a woman changes. She does not pay attention to her husband and devotes a lot of time to the child. The man becomes jealous and tries to find solace. He may lack both physical and spiritual intimacy. But then why do men return to their ex-wives, if they lived so badly in the family and so well with a young mistress. We'll talk about this below.

Why men return: the opinion of wives

Women believe that men are too fond of comfort. It is this fact, in their opinion, that plays a decisive role in the question of why men return to ex-wives. After 10 years, a habit is developed to come home and rest. It is hard to imagine that a hot dinner, washed floors and clean linen will not wait at home. But men face a harsh reality when they leave the family. Wives, of course, understand that their husbands will be able to fry dumplings or cook sausages on their own, that is, they will not die of hunger. But after the gastronomic delights that the beloved woman spoiled, you simply don’t want to eat dumplings. Not a single man in his right mind will leave the family and immediately begin to establish life with his mistress. This is stupid, anyone needs to take a breather. And it is precisely during this pause that wives and their husbands consider and decide to return to the family.

The opinion of mistresses

Girls who have broken up a family and attracted their beloved to them do not believe that he will leave if he is not surrounded by comfort. The main reason why men return to ex-wives, according to mistresses, is the lack of emotional connection and common habits. Any representative of the stronger sex during his stay with his family gets used to a certain state of things. For example, for him it goes without saying that in the morning his wife fries pancakes for him. Of course, he can do without them, but many have already formed the habit of this delicious breakfast. Or, walking down the street in a good mood, a man begins to sing loudly. The mistress is embarrassed, and the ex-wife thought it was pretty sweet. From such trifles, insults and mutual misunderstandings begin to accumulate. Therefore, a mistress, thinking about the question of how often men return to ex-wives, can give an accurate answer, in 90% of cases.

What do the kids think

When parents divorce, most of all others feel sorry for the child. After all, now he will have to live without a dad. Even if the father will be present in the life of his child, it is no longer constant, as before. Of course, young children cannot answer a difficult question, but teenagers find the answer. They believe that the father leaves the family because of them, and comes back because of them too. Children are selfish, and this is quite normal. Their universe revolves around family and when something goes wrong, they can blame themselves.

How often do men actually return to the family for the sake of children? The statistics show no. This is not surprising in Russia. A man can return to his wife, to the usual way of life and, as a result, to the child. But for the sake of children, few of the representatives of the stronger sex will leave their mistress.

According to experts

Psychotherapists say that the main reason why the faithful want to be accepted back into the family lies in the fear of change. Indeed, each of us wanted to radically change his life at least once. And how many people do it? Take, for example, a morning run. A person who has set himself the goal of running in the morning will perform this ritual for three, maybe four days, but will run without joy. Well, then he decides that running is simply not his sport. That's all the changes.

What percentage of men go back to ex-wives? Experts say that about 90-95%. Men may want change, but many of them give up quickly. Self-doubt and the desire to stay in your comfort zone - that's what prevents you from starting to live in a new way.

Why men are returning: the point of view of the stronger sex

We have already looked at the problem from different angles. It remains to find out the opinion of the men themselves. Of course, the representatives of the stronger sex are not all romantic, but still many of them call love the main reason. Husbands say that far from their wife, they were able to understand that they do not need anyone but her. Yes, of course, their beloved is not ideal, and there were many disagreements in marriage, but she is her own, dear.

How often do men return to ex-wives? Definitely yes. The representatives of the stronger sex themselves do not really like to discuss the reason for their return. After all, a wife is unlikely to be able to truly forgive her husband for flight. After returning, the man will fall into his usual environment, and at first he will enjoy the idyll. And how long it will last will depend only on the husband and wife.

How to make a man come back

When the husband leaves, the wife often becomes depressed. She can withdraw into herself or go on a rampage. You can not condemn a woman, everyone copes with their emotional experiences in their own way. But when the grief subsides, the girl will want to return her missus, but how to do this?

• You need to give your husband time. It will put everything in its place. No need to impose, constantly write and call. This will definitely prolong the period of his seclusion.
• Pay attention to yourself. Most often, men do not just leave the family for nowhere, they go to their mistresses. And why? Because the rivals are prettier and younger. So, it's time to take care of your appearance. You can go to a beautician who will remove wrinkles, to a dentist who will give you an amazing smile. And, of course, you should change your wardrobe and hairstyle.
• With the advent of children, a woman often withdraws into herself. Her world revolves around the child, which is quite natural. But time passes, everything around changes, the husband has new interests, and the wife remains at the same level of development as she was before the birth. Therefore, do not waste your leisure time on TV. It is better to read a book so that your missus has something to talk about with you.

Why do men return to ex-wives? Psychologists say that we all love constancy, but we want change. If a girl can periodically make small changes in a man’s life and thereby dilute a boring life, her husband will never leave her.

How to build a relationship so that a man does not leave

They say love lasts three years. Is it so? It is very difficult to check. Some couples easily live to a golden wedding, and some cannot last even five years together. No matter how many men return to their ex-wives, the main task of a woman is to make sure that her chosen one does not leave the family. How can this be achieved?

• Solve problems as they come. You should never accumulate resentment. After all, otherwise it may turn out that at one fine moment, everything that boiled in the soul can break out. It will turn out one huge scandal, which will cause a gap. It is better to discuss the problem as soon as it arises. Do not be afraid to talk about what worries you, this will help partners understand each other better.
• Find common hobbies. If a husband and wife go skiing or swimming together, they will not have time for scandals. They will spend time together and enjoy their favorite pastime. And most importantly, in this way shared memories will accumulate.
• Don't forget the romance. After 10 years of marriage, it is difficult to adore your soulmate as much as in the first month of dating. But do not forget that it is thanks to the timely donated flowers or a kiss goodnight that you can keep warm feelings for each other.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello, I have been married for almost 9 years. An ex-wife with whom they have a common 24-year-old daughter, as well as a daughter not his own (he married her with a 7-year-old daughter, she already has a 7-year-old boy, the boy calls her husband grandfather, and he is very attached to him ). Plus, my husband has a son. This woman is his stepmother, but as he says, she was very kind to him (how kind if she slept almost 24 hours a day and did not cook food for the children according to his words). She has serious psychological problems (18 years on antidepressants, there are cases of suicide in the family). She sometimes fell into a spree. I slept with anyone, even with a 20-year-old guy! The husband is kind by nature, but his patience has run out. Divorced. After 5 years, he met me, he was insanely happy. And now, 3 years after the wedding, she was tired of getting a lapel turn from her boyfriends (one swindler stole her credit card with a large amount in general) and began to ask her husband for help. He knows how accommodating and trouble-free he is. The daughter also constantly played into the hands of her mother. As it turned out later, she and her mother scolded dad that he divorced and got married! And he groaned and groaned! I didn’t understand this, but in the last 2 years I reconciled myself, I thought that he would appreciate that I calmly react to his long phone conversations with her, endless trips to her with or without reason ... But alas, her requests became more and more unceremonious, and his behavior more and more dismissive towards me. Although he always categorically stated that they were only friends. Their life in marriage was full of negativity, she was gloomy, unhappy, constantly sleeping from pills. Recently, people whom I trust very much, who have always sincerely supported me, gave me what he carried on me after 2 bottles of beer. How unresourceful I am, I mixed up the exit from the highway in the wrong place, my ex in life would not have been confused! And a couple of very offensive comparisons. I believe he gave me this before, just not so rude. So I packed my things and left, sending him an emotional letter. That he never loved me, he just married her to spite her and it worked! “Congratulations! You brought some benefit, returned her interest in you! And now shove so that I don’t see you!” Well, he happily brought my things. He simply “crushed” me with this, he never allowed himself such a thing! True, he has a lot of stress in business, the threat of losing almost everything! True, he later called, in a trembling voice he justified that he spent the night with her (he lives 100 km from her, he started talking with her and his daughter late at night), but he didn’t sleep with her, the daughter slept with her mother, and he was in a separate room. For what? I didn't ask who he slept with. And after a couple of weeks, he generally stated that they were supposedly close, only they needed to change the doctor, she was emotionally very ill, she could not wean herself from the pills. And recently, he again began to "drive up" to me from afar. I have 2 adult sons, he helped them a lot, did a lot for them, in this respect I cannot be offended by him! I like him, he is so positive, attentive, passionate, generous! But how can you forgive this? And is it worth it? Do you think you'll never stop babysitting her? I don't mind, but there are still some limits! Feelings for him are alive, but is there a future?

The psychologist Ignatieva Angelina Alexandrovna answers the question.

Hello, dear Snezhana!

Reading your story, I vividly pictured your husband's ex-wife invading your family. I understand how you endured it at first, making a sacrifice for the sake of your spouse, in the hope that he will appreciate it. And in the end you are disappointed in this man.

There is such a moment here: usually our sacrifices for the sake of other people are not appreciated by them, because ... They did not ask us about them. So it turns out that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Snezhana, I recommend that you set boundaries, negotiate the limits of what is acceptable to you in relations with others. Do not tolerate, gradually becoming angry and annoyed, but immediately communicate your disagreement to others, firmly and respectfully.

Also, from the situation you described, it seems to me that your spouse has such a mentality that he feels loved only if someone needs him and does something for this. If my guess is correct, then this and his natural kindness can be shamelessly manipulated by others. It is difficult for such people to define their boundaries, to say "no", it is easy to make them feel guilty and play on it. This is such a warehouse of the psyche, and you can accept it or not accept it.

Snezhana, if this man is dear to you, and you are ready to accept him as he is, then talk to him. Choose a moment, sincerely tell him how it hurt you when he left for another, confess to him that the feelings are alive and you want to be together, honestly tell him that you are not ready to endure his throwing and relations with his ex-wife outside the agreed framework (not feel free to explain these very frameworks in detail). Your openness will help relax him, and if you refrain from accusations, your spouse will sensibly consider whether he can really keep the boundary you set, and not out of guilt.

After the first emotions have cooled down a little after such news, you need to understand what you yourself want? Do you want to get your husband back or move on without him? If you chose the second option, then settle all legal formalities as soon as possible and live the way you yourself want. And if you still hope to return the legal spouse to the bosom of the family, then the tactics of your actions will depend on the reasons why the husband left for his ex-wife, and his character.

Didn't finish the job

Sometimes people commit rash acts in a fit of emotions and overwhelming feelings. If your husband divorced his wife during a protracted conflict, it may be that he still has feelings for her. Such a divorce, and then marriage with you - his inept attempts to prove to himself that he:

• can live well without his wife;
• a prominent man, any woman will gladly marry him;
• able to make decisions and take responsibility for them.

Therefore, when all emotions have cooled down, a man suddenly realizes with horror that he loves his previous wife, that he should not have divorced her because of quarrels and conflicts. And at this moment he will have to decide with whom he will stay: with her or with you.

If his ex-wife also has tender feelings for him, did not marry and did not start a serious relationship while they were divorced, then she can take him back. And in the case when their feelings are strong and mutual, you have practically no chance of getting your husband back. You can become for them the so-called common enemy, which will bring them closer.

If his ex-wife is offended, her feelings are long gone, or she is happy in a new relationship, you are likely to easily return her husband home. You will start all over again. If you can forgive him such a mistake, then you can live together and peacefully. At first, probably. there will be no strong passion between you. But over time, such relationships will be filled with care for each other, support and friendliness, gratitude and love. Such relationships are much stronger than those based on one passion.

But in this case, the following danger awaits you: your husband may begin to idealize his ex-wife. Loving and admiring someone from a distance is very easy and safe. And without live daily communication, he will forget about her shortcomings or those moments that once annoyed him. He can constantly compare you, try to make you outwardly similar to his ex-woman. For example, he will advise you to dye your hair and change the style of your clothes. And if you indulge in such advice to please him, you will soon see the shadow of his wife in the mirror. And you will never be even close to the ideal image. Simply because the ideal is unattainable. Do you need it?

boomerang man

He slammed the door, leaving his wife and with his bachelor suitcase came to you in search of home warmth and comfort. You warmed it up. And he seems to be happy and satisfied. And then, after a petty quarrel, he suddenly packed his suitcase and went to his wife, not forgetting to tell you in the end how gentle and understanding she is.

And while you look after him in confusion, he is already begging for forgiveness from his ex. And for a while you're blacklisted, and he's on his honeymoon again.

But all of a sudden he comes back. He again remembered why he left this bitch. And you, so sensitive and kind, will you accept this unfortunate, stumbled, but reverently loving man? He never forgot for a second what you meant to him. And while you are recovering, he will quickly unpack his suitcase, take his favorite place on your couch, without stopping praising you.

And so it can go on ad infinitum. Just because this man is so arranged. He cannot live with a real person. At the beginning of a relationship, when we turn a blind eye to many things, it is easier to make an ideal out of a person. And when this bright image in his eyes begins to crumble, he will leave. And then it will return. And leave again.

If you are satisfied with such periodic relationships, then live like this and have fun. Divorce or formalize relations with such a man is not worth it. All the same, he will live in his own rhythm, and you in yours.

looking for the easy way

Many families break up when they have a child. And even if the baby is long-awaited and planned, the family does not manage to survive the first year without loss. Because no matter how beloved a child is, he still remains a small child. And babies often wake up at night, driving their mothers into a frenzy in an attempt to unravel the reason for their crying. They create a million reasons for mom to grab her heart, they constantly find themselves one step away from big trouble.

And in the evening, the exhausted mother hopes that dad will replace her. But dad is also tired at work. And he does not really understand what to do with the baby. The task of the mother in this case:

• calmly ask for help;
• be near;
• explain what can be done with the child and how to play;
• do not interfere unless absolutely necessary. Sometimes from the outside it seems that dad is doing everything completely wrong. But if the child does not yell, then everything is fine, let the two of them get to know each other better.

But all this requires both moral and physical strength, which by the evening is almost gone. All negative energy, fears, fatigue find a way out in the form of conflict and quarrel.

It also breeds mismatch between expectations and reality. In the photo, the children are always clean, cute, quiet. Even if you had to sit with the kids before, it was short-lived. And none of the spouses knew the other side of parenthood.

Having a baby is just one of the challenges couples face. These include the illness of one of the spouses, the sudden lack of money and prolonged financial difficulties, the inability to protect their family from the intervention of relatives.

And then the man goes to another. After some time, a child is born with a new wife or another difficulty arises. And in the previous family, it seemed to get better: the child grew up and became more independent, the wife improved her health or drew conclusions and now does not allow her mother to interfere with her affairs. Now you can return to it.

And you can get it back too. When you get everything right, and there will be problems.

We pull the rope

You took him away from his wife. You were together, he promised to marry, but continued to pull. Then you took decisive action and got him to divorce his wife. It would seem that now everything is fine with you, now you are his wife.

But bad luck: his wife decided to return home. Now she becomes his mistress, seeks a divorce. And now the man hesitates, but in the end, the ex-wife wins and receives a prize - the return of the prodigal spouse.

Now it's your turn. Then the former will act again. If you like this game of tug of war, then enjoy the process. A man in this situation does not make decisions, strong women think about everything for him.