“Happiness is a habit. Develop it for yourself.” Albert Hubbard We all know at least one person who always seems to be happy amid the changing currents of life around him. And just as, according to the classic, all happy families are alike, so are happy people alike.

Sometimes it seems that they have found some secret of happiness. No, of course not, and happy people sometimes feel sadness, irritation, anger, loneliness - but they do not let these feelings win. Happy people just know how to be happy. And it's not that hard to learn.

1. Don't dwell on your thoughts

According to statistics, a person has an average of about 60 thousand thoughts a day. This is about 1 thought per second while awake. And about 95% of these thoughts are the same thoughts that we pondered yesterday and the day before yesterday. But the saddest thing is that most of these thoughts are negative.

It is not surprising, then, that when the brain is flooded with automatic negative thoughts, they have a profound physiological and psychological effect on the brain. Namely, the constant looping on negative thoughts stimulates the areas of the brain responsible for anxiety.

It is also necessary to take into account that our thoughts do not always truthfully reflect reality. Most of the time it's not as bad as we think. Psychologists call this effect “negative bias”: for some genetic atavistic reasons, it is negative information that we most deeply perceive and remember.

If you were praised 10 times and criticized 1 time in a day, what would have the greatest impact on you? Of course, criticism. But we can resist the ruthless nature. Learn to filter out negative thoughts, be skeptical about them, and not let false alarms cloud your happiness.

2. Notice the small joys in your life.

There is such an old Eskimo parable. An old Eskimo man taught his grandson: “Inside us, two wolves are constantly fighting. The first is misfortune. It is sadness, fear, anger, jealousy, self-pity. The second wolf represents happiness: joy, love, hope, kindness, compassion.” "And which wolf will win?" - asked the grandson. “The one you feed,” the old man replied.

Because of our negative bias tendencies, we often “feed the wrong wolf.” To feel happy, you must at least equalize the chances of both "wolves". Try to notice and remember all the good, even the smallest, that happens to you: positive thoughts, small pleasures, everything that you see, hear, feel, taste or smell pleasant. Such intentional actions activate reticular activating system (RAS), a group of brain cells responsible for activation and alertness.

For example, after buying a car, you begin to notice and mark similar cars everywhere. This is the RAS system in action. But now you can use the same principle to make yourself happier. When you decide that from now on you will notice everything positive, the RAS system will try to make you see it. Take your time, linger on a good moment, allow yourself a few moments to enjoy it to the fullest.

Be grateful to fate for each new day, do not take it for granted, and try to take everything from it. Remember how amazing every day is for young children, cultivate this feeling in yourself. Enjoy every moment of today - don't live in the past or the future. The past has already passed, and the future may be completely different than you imagine it to be.

3. Be optimistic

The next time you are faced with a worrying situation and you start having negative thoughts and bad feelings, balance them with thoughts that will help you feel better. This does not mean that you need to deny the obvious troubles, just pay more attention to the positive aspects. The classic example of optimism in seeing a glass half full instead of half empty is a great example of the ability to stick to the true but happier side of reality.

Remember that everything happens for a reason, in any event there is a meaning that you may not know yet. And every event has a positive side, which you may not see yet. So try to find her.

And here is an example from life: did it happen that you didn’t have time to do something, and said to yourself: “Everything is lost, I can’t cope!” But after all, you can always balance a thought that makes you give up with a thought that inspires hope. For example, "But I've always managed before", "You can ask someone to help" or "The more I calm down, the more ideas will come to my mind."

4. Find your favorite activity

And again the parable: “Once an old woman saw three builders erecting a building. "What are you doing?" she asked them. "I'm laying bricks," the first one replied with a sigh. "I'm doing my job," replied the second wearily. “I am building the most beautiful cathedral in the world,” answered the third with fire in his eyes. Like this third builder, happy people put meaning and soul into any activity.

Be sure to find yourself a favorite thing, after spending a few minutes behind it, you can relieve stress, fatigue or a bad mood. This may be the simplest activity - reading, knitting, walking in the nearest park. Happy people also never stop learning new things. Try new unusual activities and sports - dancing, skating, surfing, scuba diving or skydiving.

Also try to find a job that you like. According to statistics, about 80% of people can not stand their own! No wonder then that there are so many unhappy people around. After all, day after day they are forced to do an unloved thing, spending most of the day at work, and hence their lives. Is it worth a few extra bucks? If they are, then try to at least fall in love with your current job, finding positive moments in it.

5. Cherish your relationship

Strong family or friendship ties are one of the necessary conditions for happiness. Social relationships are even more important for women than for men. During stress, both men and women release the hormones adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream, but women in this state also produce an increased amount of the hormone oxytocin, which is responsible for attachment. That is why women in difficult periods of life need the support of relatives or friends. Therefore, the next time you feel bad, do not say that you want to be alone, it is at such moments that family and friends are most needed!

However, even in happy moments of life, try to maintain family and friendly ties. But in the event that these people really give you positive emotions. Try to surround yourself with optimistic, cheerful people who share your life values. Only such people will help you move forward in life and will lend you a helping hand in difficult times.

But how to surround yourself To do this, you need to make some effort yourself. Appreciate and respect people for who they really are. Treat them with kindness and generosity. Help them whenever you can, without trying to change their lives or their character. Try to make the other person's day at least a little brighter and more fun. Then you will have no shortage of warm communication.

After reading everything you have the right to ask, am I happy myself? With a high degree of certainty, I can answer this question in the affirmative. Let me just say that now, when my boat of life is tossed over stormy waves, I no longer exaggerate troubles and quickly return to calm waters.

Auto-training is a powerful method of self-hypnosis that will help restore health and find peace of mind. Learn important points when working with positive affirmations!

Warning!

At the beginning of the practice of auto-training¹ to control thoughts and fears, people face great difficulties. The fact is that in this work you have to fight with your own thoughts, and they will fight for their existence with all their might.

Why is it so difficult to remove fears and obsessive thoughts?

We say negative thoughts in our head hundreds of times. They are strengthened in the subconscious and have an exclusive monopoly on the territory they occupy.

During auto-training, obsessive thoughts, fears² and phobias will actively manifest themselves, an inner voice will say that all positive attitudes³ are worth nothing, that they do not work, that in reality nothing of what we want will happen. But it's not. Such thoughts are nothing more than a defense of our fears.

How to really help yourself using auto-training?

When applying the auto-training method, you do not need to try to suppress negative thoughts, otherwise they will attack with a vengeance and fury. If such thoughts are running through your head, the best thing to do is to tell them, “So what!”

By self-hypnosis every day, you will notice how every day your negative thoughts will become weaker, and in the end they will disappear altogether, and the necessary positive statements will settle in their place.

Autotraining technique

Self-hypnosis or auto-training exercise should be performed in the morning after waking up or in the evening before going to bed. At these moments, our subconscious mind is most open to influences.

1. The person sits or lies down comfortably and relaxes all the muscles of the body.

2. He imagines himself on the seashore. He hears the sound of the surf, feels the warmth of the sun, a light breeze on the skin, the smell of the sea.

3. Having relaxed, the person begins to mentally pronounce positive statements, opposite to fears and negative obsessive thoughts.

Examples of suggestions for auto-training

• I am completely relaxed.
• I am completely calm.
• I am completely happy.
• I am loved.
• Everything is going well for me.
• I am completely safe.
• I am under the almighty protection of the universe.
• I am perfect.
• I have everything and always turns out the best.
• My life is woven from harmony and success.
• I am perfection itself, harmony itself, success itself.
• I am always lucky in everything, I am a darling of fate.
• I can do anything, nothing is impossible for me.
• In my life, everything happens at the right time and at the right time for me.
• I am completely relaxed and completely calm.
• I am fine.
• I am completely satisfied with my life and happy in every way.
• I love everyone and everyone loves me.
• I am completely free and independent of anyone.
• I'm happy, I'm happy, I'm happy.
• I'm relaxed, I'm relaxed, I'm relaxed...

Auto-training should be continued until a state of harmony is felt inside, and thoughts acquire a positive attitude. After that, the person wakes up completely, falls asleep or returns to his usual state.

Autotraining video

Why do many of us live in a depressed state for years and cannot change anything? How does our own brain help us be unhappy? Why being happy doesn't mean doing nothing? What can you do to become a happy person? We will try to find answers to these questions today.

Pay attention to these two pictures, which depict the savannah and the metropolis.

Several thousand years ago we appeared on this planet in the wild conditions of the jungle, and now we live in a civilized world, to which we are completely unsuited.

That is why there was some kind of roundabout. In the savannas, everything is quite simple - there are few objects, they are almost all the same. And in the modern world there is an excess of everything, and it is very difficult to adapt to all the changes.

Man is a creature that is adapted to long and continuous walking. Under normal conditions, a person can safely walk 40 km in a day or 5 km/h. What now? Few can boast of such records. Even in sports, there is a certain trend - over the past few years, dark-skinned people have become the winners of sprint races. And the reason for this is not only in training, but also in the fact that they mostly walk, and do not drive cars or public transport.

We white people began to move very little, even though we have movement in our blood. And movement is life, as we all know. But instead, we sit a lot, as a result of which health problems, excess weight and more appear.

We usually think in dyads, because we have nothing in between.

If it is light, then it means there is also a heavy one, if it is hard, then it is correspondingly soft, and so on. In addition, we also have basic dyads - dangerous or not dangerous, useful or not useful. Friend or foe. But that's not really the problem.

The trouble is that it is from these dyads that generalizations grow. For example, the most beloved male generalization that applies to all women is “They all want one thing from us – money.”. Of course, not everyone thinks so, but most do. And why? All because a man does not know what else he can offer a woman. Or simply does not believe that she loves him not only for money. Based on such thoughts, we can say that he thinks badly about the woman who is next to him. He begins to treat her badly, and as a result, the woman is disappointed in their relationship.

We form our ideas about the world and about relationships in general in our head, but then we refuse to check them. If such a man comes across the fact that a woman is not with him for the sake of money, he does not believe in it - “No, this cannot be, there must be a catch!” And such a person cannot be persuaded.

Or another situation woman thinks men don't like. And what does she do? She just doesn't notice the ones she likes. Even if someone approaches such a woman to get acquainted, she simply refuses, complaining that no one approaches her.

In general, this is rigidity, and if it is in moderation, then this is not bad. But in some cases there are overshoots.

Formation of representations

All these ideas are formed through words such as must or must. Either you don't have to or you don't have to.

And there are at least three such ideas that every person has.

1. I have to be successful and get approval. But note that a person does not know what it means to be successful, what kind of approval he needs and from what kind of people he wants to receive it. For example, you decide to write a book and, at the end, put it on some site. And now you are waiting with hope that hundreds of strangers will tell you about it. Usually this leads to anxiety (whether they approve or not), sometimes depression (if no one approves of a person). Because of this, the second point emerges from the first point.
2. Do not take on cases that may end in failure. The most interesting thing is that no one knows for sure whether there will be success or not, but since it may not be, it is better to abandon this idea.
3. Avoid relationships that may end badly.
4. Perfectionism. Everything is acute with him, because a person is trying to bring the matter to the end in order to get 100% approval and cannot stop.

The most interesting summary is all people should behave properly. Or it is fair and good to a person or specifically to you. Parents must educate their children properly, drivers must not break traffic rules, salespeople must smile, and so on. Everyone sets the degree of correctness for himself, only for other people it can be completely different. And if your correctness doesn't match someone else's correctness, anger comes. After anger, rage, indignation and, at the last moment, despair.

Why? Yes, because you feel sad and hurt that a person does not behave the way you wanted. And then you give up.

Or one more - my living conditions should be comfortable. Those. good weather, stable salary, I must always win, I have all the cream, and nothing else. What if life goes differently? You come to another country, there is almost no money in your wallet, and there is nowhere to live. If you think that you should have all the very best and nothing else, you can go crazy. Because of such thoughts, a low resistance to frustration arises, i.e. bummer.

There are people who can't stand failure at all. And they cry, get upset at any failure. Because of this, complaints, rage, depression and hopelessness appear.

All this is absolutely natural thing in our head. We tend to generalize, and that's okay. And after all this, a terrible thing happens - unpleasant conclusions. Like it or not, we understand that we cannot be forever lucky and successful. And we stumble upon the fact that not everything is as we want. And then people make stupid conclusions.

Five Devastating Conclusions

1. Self-humiliation. If I have not succeeded, then I am a stupid and worthless person.
2. Dramatization. Everything should not be like this, and if it happened, then everything is terrible.
3. Condemnation. People who misbehave deserve to be shot or punished.
4. I won't survive this. I can't take it, my life is a nightmare.
5. Always or never. If I'm not successful now, I never will be.

We are biologically inclined to all this. And from this comes misfortune. What then to do?

Getting rid of the foundations

Replace the word " must" on " Want". And add "If that doesn't happen, then I'll survive." And then you will see a miracle:

1. I have to be successful and get approval from other people.
2. I want to be successful and get approval from other people, but if that doesn't happen, then I'll survive.

For example, a woman is sure that she should be a good mother, but she does not succeed. If you push her on the right path, and replace her words with the above, then a miracle will happen to her too. She will not think that she owes something and will begin to spend time with children for her own pleasure.

And this is just one example. Any creativity helps to get rid of the state of dissatisfaction, because it allows you to change the focus of attention.

The key to human happiness is control over one's life. You must perform a series of actions under your control and have a choice.

Example. In a hospital for the elderly, they decided to conduct an experiment. The people living on the fourth floor were told that every Tuesday and Thursday a film would be shown to them. And they themselves have the right to decide whether to come there or not. They also prepared flowers for them, which they can take and do with them whatever they want.

The people on the second floor were told the same but made it mandatory. They should come to the screenings these days and take these flowers.”

After the experiment was completed, there were much fewer people from the second floor, because many died.

And finally, I want to talk about tears. You need to cry, you can, and it's not a shame. After all, along with tears, part of what makes you unhappy leaves.

Therefore, if necessary, cry, control your life and repeat to yourself more often that "I want, but if this does not happen, I will survive."

Sometimes it seems that the feeling of self-doubt is not such a big disadvantage. However, if we think about how many chances we have missed, how many losses have occurred in life due to indecision or timidity, then most likely the hair on our heads will move. So many unfulfilled desires, energy, money and even people burn in the fire of doubts.

All this can be changed in order to get health, a caring husband or a loving wife, true friends, a good job and the necessary finances. It is within our power. And all you need for this is nothing - to become a confident person. For this purpose, we need .

Self-confidence coaching

The basis of any auto-training is exercises based on volitional relaxation, reinforcing conditioned reflexes and traces of positive emotions. Self-persuasion and self-education make autogenic training an intellectual volitional process that opens the way for a rational restructuring of personal qualities.

The main role in autogenic training is assigned to verbal formulas and signals, which, when repeated many times, create connections in our brain between images and nerve centers that regulate a particular function.

Word formulas for auto-training, you can compose yourself, but you must adhere to three basic requirements:

1. Completely abandon the words "I will try" and "I will try."
2. When formulating sentences, exclude the particle “not”.
3. Try to conclude the exercises with the words "Now I realize ..."

Examples of effective, "working" auto-training formulas for:

"My body is completely relaxed"
"I breathe automatically - easily and freely"
“I completely dissolve in warmth, peace and relaxation”
"No reason (to formulate a reason) will unbalance me"
“My state is a state of stable equilibrium”
"I am in complete control of myself"
“Now I will say the word “stop”, and fear, indecision and anxiety will leave me.” (pause) "STOP!"

It doesn't matter when you prepare yourself to do things big and small, it's important that you always remember that spirit and body are one and mutually influence each other. If a person has peace, joy and confidence in his soul, his whole appearance reflects this. The eyes shine and look straight, the look is open, the shoulders are straightened, the movements are free.

Self-confidence coaching- one of the most effective methods. By controlling your body, facial expressions, gestures, gaze, you can expel anxiety and give yourself confidence. Emotions, as you know, affect the body, that is, feedback - the body affects emotions and general mood.

If you want to get good luck, then before starting some business or important event, sit down for a couple of minutes in front of the mirror and look at yourself. It is advisable to sit on a chair astride to "saddle" luck. Pick up a piece of paper with the text (it is not necessary to memorize it), carefully look at it and rhythmically, slowly and firmly form a change in your mood, or increase your confidence. You need to do this regularly. With 3-4 times, with a maximum of 5, you will always achieve the desired result. So, let's start the auto-training session. Repeat the exercises every day for 15-20 minutes at the same time.

auto training session

“I look directly into my eyes. I talk about myself to myself. It's time for me to leave the house and hit the road. What awaits me beyond this threshold, what fate has prepared for me, I do not know. But I know for sure that self-confidence and fortitude will help me and ensure good luck.

Some things still worry me, but I remember that anxiety is a fog and leads to panic. And if I see anxiety on my face, now I will drive it away and gain self-confidence. I change my whole appearance and thereby banish anxiety and uncertainty. My body and spirit are one, they influence each other. I tell myself to straighten my back, turn my shoulders.

My head rises higher and I look at myself with a firm and confident look. (pause a little) Now the anxiety is completely gone, it is not in me.

My mind is sure, but my spirit is firm. I will overcome any difficulties. Now I feel like a completely self-confident person. Well, now it's time to go."

The main positive effects after auto-training to increase self-esteem:

1. Auto-training reduces emotional and physical stress.
2. Plays an important role in relieving symptoms of fatigue.
3. This is a powerful means of relaxation, quickly restoring strength and performance.
4. With the help of autogenic immersion methods, they successfully relieve headaches and normalize sleep processes.
5. The result of auto-training is the development of self-actualization, activation of attention and imagination.
6. Helps in the process of socialization of the individual, eliminating shyness, awkwardness in communication and self-doubt.

7. Increases the level of self-esteem and social competence, works to create a more prestigious image in the eyes of others.

A comfortable and pleasant life, social promotion - this is what a simple auto-training for self-confidence can give us. And now you can check yourself with free.

“I am the most charming and attractive…” Does this setting of the heroine of the film of the same name act depressingly, however, like other common advice? Then it’s time to change tactics and replace outdated messages with new ones. the imprint of hard working years!

"What is good and what is bad"

Wrong. "Don't teach me how to live!"

If you are annoyed by the advice from the series “Keep it simple, try to see only the good in everything”? Such intrusive “good advice” really does not help much! It is difficult to find something good in the fact that you did not wait for the bonus for the holidays, and the son does not make the bed in the morning.

There is no need to wear rose-colored glasses. You yourself know very well what is good and what is bad in your life.

Right. "Exhaust positive"

Do not even try to look for a hidden meaning with a plus sign in trouble. It is not there by definition. Endlessly analyzing all the terrible things that have happened and can still happen is the most thankless task. Therefore, immediately change tactics: try to “cling” to the positive and ignore the negative that pops up in your mind every now and then. Example. Didn't get an award? Let, but the holiday itself has not been canceled. Is the child not listening? But he's a child!

Nobody says it will be easy - try it! Reduce moping, and if sadness creeps up on consciousness, try to quickly “jump out” to a bright, wide strip, where you are always attractive and successful.

"Contrived Appearance"

Wrong. “I started myself like that ... nothing will help me!”

Have you heard that an optimistic attitude is responsible for youth, health and beauty? It seemed that it could be easier - to stretch a smile wider (taking an example from the Americans) and wait for insight to come with a subsequent rejuvenating effect. But what if you have been an impenetrable pessimist for the last 11 years and sincerely believed that apart from premature and deep nasolabial folds, nothing else happens from smiles?

Any attitude is always a breaking of previous stereotypes, a colossal tension of consciousness, a certain violence against oneself. It is possible to read Louise Hay and Natalia Pravdina avidly, write down and memorize thoughts-healers, but as a result, instead of a tangible improvement, experience doubts and disappointment.

Right. “I am capable of many things. After all, it's me!"

Experts advise not to go into all serious trouble with your subconscious and not to gain experience through difficult mistakes. It is better to immediately start “writing your own book” and start describing your personal experience. To do this, first of all ... get to know yourself, feel yourself. And accept. Together with all the pessimism, fatigue and irritability.

Remember how much you appreciate people next to whom you can be yourself. They love you either. Accept made up and not made up, with extra three kilograms and unwashed head, laughing to colic and crying, with red eyes. So why are you so cruel to yourself? Why is that wrinkle on the bridge of the nose so infuriating, although those around her simply do not notice? Why criticism is a hundred times more than praise?

Try to become your own ... friend. And in a friendly way, convince yourself that the same wrinkle (extra pounds, gray hair that has appeared) does not interfere with life. Don't know exactly how? Not true! For a true friend, there will always be the right words that can cheer up, give strength and inspire faith in all that is best.

"Only without victims"

Wrong. "This only happens to me..."

Where can I ... With the most ordinary appearance, more than an average income, the strangest husband (or without one at all). Familiar? You expect that all the worst should happen, and from everyday little things (a broken nail) to global disasters (a plane crashed, the end of the world came). There is (and on the face!) the syndrome of the victim. Besides the victim of an innocent! The paradox is that even if optimistic prospects open up before you, you purposefully reduce them to nothing.

Right. "I really love myself!"

Thoughts will only then begin to generously materialize the good when you stop destroying your subtle mental world. First you need to feel the balance, and then find a fulcrum, with the help of which you will turn your whole consciousness and start the reverse mechanism of aging. Having learned to turn to yourself, your inner "I", having talked with yourself enough, and finally understanding, accepting and loving all your "cracks"! And this is already the first step on the way to positive metamorphoses, first in thoughts, then in appearance, and finally, in all life as a whole.

"Fear has eyes ... in wrinkles"

Wrong. "I'm afraid, afraid, afraid... getting old"

"A woman is as old as she looks." Are you trying to try on this hackneyed phrase? And if expectations diverge from reality, you immediately look for the reasons for the unfair "mismatch". Of course they are! Home-work-work-home. Where can you look in the mirror? Yes, over the years we do not get younger. But it’s better not to sob over the birthday cake and, with the predilection of a detective-pathfinder, look for the first signs of near old age on your face, but continue to live and breathe deeply.

Right. "Wake up young!"

Fall asleep 40-year-old, and in the morning cheerfully throw off 10 years? It's real! Enough to come to grips with visualization. The latter will require only a little bit of imagination and concentration. Let's introduce ourselves! Only 15-20 years younger. You need to find in your memory the happiest, most successful, most beautiful "clips" of your life. You can revive the image by viewing the upcoming photo album with your most successful photographs for a dream. “Imagining” yourself for at least 10-15 minutes before bed every day, in a week you will begin to receive legitimate compliments that testify to your rejuvenated appearance. You will see! Many people who practice visualization admit that their hair becomes noticeably thicker and more beautiful, their well-being improves, activity increases - not only their appearance changes for the better, but also their internal organs. Just do not be cunning and "return" to the kindergarten sandbox, be more modest and you will get a brilliant result!