The shortcomings of wives are a continuation of the advantages of their husbands. Or what to do if your wife is a spender?

Vyacheslav, Kemerovo. How to rehabilitate a spendthrift wife? I make good money, but sometimes I feel like a poor person. And the whole point is that my wife is a complete shopaholic and spender. She spends all our money only on herself, her beloved! At the same time, she earns purely symbolically (she works part-time at school), and mostly stays at home with the child. A couple of times a week, my friend and I go shopping and bring home full bags and boxes. The wardrobe is already bursting, shoe boxes are filling all the closets. And then it happens that we survive until the end of the month on potatoes and pasta. I don’t see meat for a week, I take money from my parents for gas for the car. I understand with my mind that this is not possible, but we have been living like this for seven whole years. Help me re-educate her and wean her from spending money!!!

It is known: “what goes around comes around.” Regularly encountering in my practice husbands who complain about their “spendthrift” wives, who at the same time also earn a pittance themselves, or are generally housewives (often without education), I realized long ago: No matter how such husbands grumble and they didn’t talk about divorce - in fact, such wives suit them quite well! The fact is that you begin to deeply understand the childhood and youth biography and personality type of such husbands, it almost always turns out that this man all his life considered himself a “supporting actor”: his parents always decided everything for him, he was belittled and humiliated in childhood peers, he could not achieve reciprocity from beautiful girls, some problems and circumstances always interfere with his life, and so... a complete and undivided Master, a Man with a Capital M, he feels only at home, in his own family, where, finally, then everything depends only on him alone. All the money in the family comes only from him, and therefore all the love is only for him. And the more stupid and primitive the wife behaves, the more he (with great satisfaction) understands: “Yes, how would she live without me?! Yes, she would probably have died completely by now! Who would provide for her?! Who would give her money?! Who would forgive her for spending her last money on lipstick and tights?! Yes, she would have been beaten and kicked out of the house long ago!!! So let her pray for me, lick and caress her Master, the Great Me!! !

In addition, it often turns out that men of this type have always had problems with women intimately. He was either not recognized as a man, or he was not given exactly the forms of intimacy that he sought. And finally, the same woman was found (who precisely became his wife), who gave him everything that he dreamed of in his youthful and not so youthful years. And the fact that she spends her last money on shopping is not such a big price to pay for the regular satisfaction of a man’s innermost intimate desires.

My analysis of such couples shows that both sides understand everything correctly, they are fully aware that such a structure of life - “wrong” in the opinion of many other people, in fact - is a reasonable structure of life for this particular man and woman. In which an ambitious woman, having married this man, gave up some of her own ambitions and dreams (to become an actress, marry a millionaire, go abroad, move to the regional capital, make her own career, etc.), and a man finally received full recognition as a man: he became the happy owner of a family, children and regular sex.

That is why, personally, I consider such families to be internally self-regulated, and I try not to upset their existing internal balance of power. Otherwise, the external intervention of a psychologist or friend-advisers too often ends in scandals and divorces, in which almost always everyone suffers at once: both the ex-husband and wife, and especially their children.

Thus, my advice is this: I directly advise these couples to continue to live according to the traditions that have already developed in their family, but for those husbands who are the source of income, make it a rule to make a small “stash” of money every month from their salary . But not at all to spend it on nightclubs and corrupt women, but to have it available in case of emergency when the spendthrift wife goes beyond the family budget, when the family literally has nothing to live on. In this case, such “nest eggs” help a lot. They also turn out to be the only means of accumulating funds for large purchases - purchasing cars, apartments, furniture, vacation packages. Moreover, the husband is categorically forbidden to admit to his spendthrift wife where the money came from: this way he risks losing her trust in himself and causing additional expenses on her part (like the husband will still find the money to compensate for them). When bringing “extra” money, you should always indicate that it is borrowed (and not from your parents, to whom you don’t have to give it, but from complete strangers, work colleagues!), and on this basis, reduce the amount of money you give to your wife in the following months. It is the regular application of these “sanctions” in the form of “life allegedly in debt” that is almost the only means of effective educational influence on spendthrift wives and saving the family from default and bankruptcy that is already real...

In general, in family life everything is always harmonious. Practice shows: only against the backdrop of the “shortcomings” of their wives do many husbands feel like real men, exemplary husbands, fathers and family men. And if this makes everyone feel internally comfortable, then so be it. Although it has its own nuances, it is still a complete family, which, in my opinion as a family psychologist and citizen, is much better than a divorced man and woman and unhappy children.

Sincerely, your family psychologist, doctor of cultural studies, professor Andrey Zberovsky.

Sign up for a personal or online consultation by phone: +79266335200, +79029905168.

Many men turn to psychologists with the problem of blaming their wife for constantly spending large amounts of money. Some men say that their wives buy a lot of unnecessary things, simply because they want to spend the given amount of money as quickly as possible.

Without delving into many small things, they believe that the family budget is spent exclusively on things that no one needs. Basically, men pay attention exclusively to food, and they do not pay any attention to all other things that are also useful to the housewife in the kitchen.

It is worth understanding that a man will never delve into where new soap comes from in the bathroom, and where he again gets clean socks that are washed with the powder that his wife bought.

Some men reproach their wives for wasting money on curtains and carpets, although they themselves do not think at all that they want to come to a cozy apartment where everything is clean and beautiful, because hardly anyone will live with open windows without curtains.

It is also worth remembering that every self-respecting man will want to see a beautiful, well-groomed woman next to him, and for this his wife needs to use cosmetics, buy herself beautiful jewelry and new things.

To avoid any disputes about where the money goes, you need to take your husband with you to go shopping as often as possible, so that he can see where the money goes and what it is spent on; sometimes you can send him shopping on your own.

After such shopping, it is advisable to sit down with your husband and count the amount for which all these things were purchased, and ask your husband what purchases he considers unnecessary. As a rule, after such training, men reconsider their opinions and begin to behave differently in relation to money.

If, after all, a woman really has a tendency to buy unnecessary things, then it is important to determine the reason why she does this. Often a woman tries to occupy herself with something in this way; we can say that the wife is most likely not happy in her family and in this way she fills her spiritual emptiness.

It must be said that young housewives who previously lived with their parents and did not delve into the problem of purchasing necessary things can waste money, so for such housewives everything may seem necessary. In this case, young people will have to keep a diary of expenses and income in order to properly plan their family budget.

Additionally, before you go shopping at home, you can make a list of only those purchases that, in the opinion of the husband and wife, they really need, this will help not to spend money on unnecessary things and control the family budget.

A man who loves his wife will not immediately attack her with a scandal, in this case it is best to sit down and discuss everything together, this is the only way the wife will not think that she married a greedy person, and the husband will not think that his wife is a spendthrift and not a housewife, it is advisable for a young family to solve all these problems at the initial stage of their life together.

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Conflicts over money occur in almost any marriage. Times are not the easiest now, but you really want to relax, drive a good car and buy your own home. But in order to do this, you need to save money and try to save on food, services, and clothing. You work from morning to night, save every penny, and your missus takes this money and spends it left and right. It's a shame, isn't it? As a result, you are unable to save anything and on top of that, you also have debts. If you notice that your wife is spending money on completely unnecessary things, start taking active action, otherwise your family will soon be in poverty.

What to do if your wife spends money

Unfortunately, it will be extremely difficult to cope with this situation. Why? Yes, because every time she will find arguments and tell you that she simply cannot do without the purchase. After all, this blouse matches the color of her eyes, and this manicurist works much better on nails. And it’s okay that you had to spend your last money, because she is your wife and you should be proud of her. In most cases, women tell their men that they simply do not value them and cannot provide them with the basic necessities.

How to resolve conflict and save money with a spendthrift wife:

If all else fails and your wife is a pathological spender, there are two options - either come to terms with her behavior or file for divorce. Alas, in most cases women are not ready and do not want to compromise when it comes to money. The best option is to live together for at least six months before getting married, so you can see all the woman’s shortcomings and understand whether she is right for you or not.

Most men complain that their wife is a spender. According to them, women are ready to spend any amount of money in a short time on completely unnecessary things, which can lead to acute conflicts and even destroy strong relationships.
To begin with, dear men, you should remember that this flaw was originally inherent in their feminine essence. But how to deal with this is another question, but still solvable. In this article we will talk about how to convince your woman to save at least a little.

Of course, it is better to postpone showdowns and scandals in this situation, because this will not achieve anything. But getting to the root of the problem will be much more effective.
Let's start by considering common cases, which in the future may possibly become the reasons for your wife to scatter money left and right.

Let's imagine a situation: you recently got married, your wife is a housewife, and you work. By bringing your salary into the house and giving it to your young wife, you are putting a spoke in your own wheels, and here’s why. The young girl had just recently moved from her parents’ house; she had never had to save or limit herself on anything before. It is most likely difficult for her to imagine that, having entered a new life, she needs to become more thrifty in relation to the family budget.

In this situation, there is no need to blame the girl and make trouble with her. You, as the head of the family, must teach your wife the basics of financial literacy. For example, keep a notebook where you will write down your future expenses. Based on these records, it will be easier for you to calculate your monthly budget, this will help prevent unnecessary expenses. Calculations will be more difficult if you have a child; here, naturally, you need to count money not only for yourself, but also for your children.

When you return from the store again, don’t be lazy to get your receipts, make a list of groceries and other things, and calculate the total amount of expenses, so that next time you can exclude from the resulting list those categories of products that you don’t particularly need or don’t require at the moment.

If the notebook maneuver didn’t work, and your woman still doesn’t understand how hard it is for you to get money, invite her to do the work herself. Even if the amount of earnings is not so high, and the prestige of the work is not so important, the main thing is that she can experience it for herself. Perhaps after this an insight will come to her and, realizing how hard it is to earn material resources through her labor, she will no longer squander them.

Don’t forget about support, because when a woman comes home from work, she will also be tired, and she also desperately needs to receive your care and affection after a hard day at work.
Another very important point on the path to saving is motivation. Invite her to save money for something you both need, perhaps she will meet you halfway. For example, you are planning to buy something expensive or go somewhere on vacation, this will be an excellent step towards saving your family budget. And then there will be no question of where to get a loan for a car or for a vacation.

There are even more difficult cases. When nothing helps in the fight against wastefulness, and you really understand that your wife is a shopaholic, then you should look at the root of the problem. Perhaps because of your constant running after money, you have completely forgotten about your soulmate, the woman begins to feel lonely, unnecessary, and in order to somehow close the spiritual emptiness, she fills it with things.
It is not without reason that there is a saying among psychologists that shopping will always come to the rescue in the fight against depression and boredom. Try to devote more time to your wife, please her, give her compliments and attention, and not just money, and you will see that the issue that bothered you so much will disappear by itself.

If you have tried all means and realized that a woman is simply taking money out of you, and she doesn’t need anything else from you, then you have only two options: either continue to tolerate this attitude towards yourself, or find a more worthy woman , who will not be so fixated on money and purchases, but will become a wonderful keeper of the hearth.

But most importantly, you must remember that you don’t need to blame your significant other for everything. If you really love each other, then problems simply should not arise in your relationship, because loving people can always find a common language and compromise. I wish you success!