“He looked at me like that! Yes, he only thinks about one thing! I think he likes me." Agree, familiar phrases? Surely, each of us at least once in our lives mentioned such expressions in a conversation with friends. Sometimes we all think that all males are bad, and we speak different languages ​​with them. But the fact is that guys’ psychology is completely different from girls’, and their thinking will never coincide with women’s logic. What to do and how to find a common language with our men? Let's try to figure it out.

Psychology of guys - how to understand them?

Let's start with the fact that we begin to think about relationships at the beginning of adolescence. And throughout this entire period, and it lasts from 14 to 22 years, views on life change under the pressure of circumstances and experience. All guys experience this age individually. But still, there are common characteristics that apply to everyone.

The psychology of young guys can be divided into several stages. They all depend on age and those needs that are leading at that moment and, undoubtedly, affect relationships with girls.

Psychology of boys at 14 years old. This age is the most difficult to start any relationship. Guys' concept of love is confused with biological sexual feelings. And if we take into account that girls at this age have an emotional-romantic mood for relationships, then in most cases relationships end with the classic belief that “they only need one thing.”

Psychology of boys at 16-17 years old. This period is wonderful because most of the young men have already decided on their feelings and worldviews. This is the time of pure and bright first love. A guy’s attachment to a girl at this age is very strong and any termination of the relationship on the girl’s initiative can become a serious mental trauma for the guy. But again, we should not forget about the second type of men who are still in search of their ideal. If you notice that your boyfriend communicates with your girlfriend with the same interest as with you, or constantly makes new acquaintances, you should think about whether you are dealing with a classic womanizer?

Psychology of guys aged 18-20. This age is equally associated in both sexes with choosing a profession and determining one’s place in life. The personality of guys, as a rule, has already been formed, and they clearly imagine their future. Here you can meet several types of young people:

• The first type is interested in everything except girls. As a rule, these are either guys obsessed with their careers, cars or friends. If you meet this type, then know that he either hasn’t “worked up” yet, or, on the contrary, there have already been relationships in his life in which he got burned;
• the second type of guy, on the contrary, is too fixated on the weak field. Such people are very open in companies, have a lot of ambitions, and do not miss a single skirt. Moreover, such men are a huge success among girls. However, it is important to remember - the psychology of the behavior of guys of this type lies in the presence of a bunch of complexes and a desire to assert themselves;
• The third type of guy is the subject of the famous female belief that “all good men are already taken.” These are independent people who take relationships seriously and respect their lover. The secret of the uniqueness of such guys is simple - a lot depends on the girl herself. What do you need to do to get a guy like this? Let's figure it out further.

Since we are talking about male logic, let's dispel all the myths lovingly created by the female mind. Guys will never think the way we imagine. If you want to understand your boyfriend, learn to think more simply. Coming up with different problems, panicking out of nowhere, drawing terrible pictures of betrayal in your head after a guy received a text message is a purely female prerogative. Men think differently. It doesn’t matter to them that in a cafe someone has the same sweater as him, they never worry about their hairstyle, manicure, dry facial skin and a thousand other small women’s problems. If you want the perfect guy next to you, remember a few simple rules:

The psychology of a guy in love is not as complicated as it seems at first glance. If they give you flowers and show signs of attention, then they certainly like you, and they will try to win you over. Exceptions here are extremely rare. If a young man is interested in you, he will do everything to keep you close. And your task is to make sure that his interest in you does not fade away. Don’t make scandals, trust him, let him know that he is needed and loved. And then your life will be filled with the happiness of harmonious and comfortable relationships.

Love at 17 years old is something both childish and adult, because boys and girls at this age are just preparing to become men and women, and at the same time have minimal life experience.

There is no more mysterious and alluring feeling in a person’s life than love. It can knock on our door suddenly or grow and develop over a long period of time.

What you need to know

Forewarned is forearmed. Love at 17 years old in adolescence is often associated with negative factors, which later lead to problems with studies, parents, and friends.

No, this does not mean at all that at 17 years old it is “impossible”. This is exactly the right age for a first relationship.

Personality formation

A person's personality develops throughout life. Each period is associated with the action of its own social and biological factors that influence the formation of a person’s character and worldview.

According to E. Erikson, 11-20 years are the time of puberty, adolescence and adolescence. During this period, the teenager’s self-determination and plans for the future are formed.

Guys and girls decide the main question: who to be and what to do in life? They experiment and play different roles in society.

“First love is not the first and not the last. This is the love in which we most of all invested ourselves, our soul, when we still had a soul,” - A. V. Vampilov

However, we are interested in the following: during this period there is a clear sexual polarization, i.e. development of sexual self-determination and associated forms of social behavior.

E. Erikson also highlights the abnormal side of personality development at the age of 11-20, when a person cannot focus on his future and often looks into the past.

His worldview and beliefs are mixed up and become unconvincing for the individual himself. The problem of “self-digging” appears. There is a confusion of forms of sexual behavior in society.

What can influence the formation of personality:

The Path to Coming of Age

17 years is a transitional age when a guy or girl is preparing for adulthood. During this period, teenagers begin to ask questions that they had not even thought about before (What is life?

How to live correctly? How to become happy? What to do to achieve success in society? What does the future hold for me? What will my parents say about me at 20-25 years old?).

In general, a person understands himself and his desires, needs, responsibilities, hobbies, and beliefs.

From the age of 16, most boys and girls experience attraction to the opposite sex. They ask questions about the sexual characteristics of men and women, their physiology, and sex.

And yes, sex at 16-18 years old is normal. The only thing you need to remember is the possible risks.at 17 years old will leave many memories to last a lifetime.

Whether they will be good or negative depends on the teenagers themselves and their psychological state. By this age, a person becomes mature enough to “taste” relationships for the first time.

How to understand that this is love at 17 years old

Even at the age of 17, true love can arise. However, this is rare, and teenagers often confuse this feeling with falling in love or passion.

If passion is a drug, then love is healing and creation. This is how these two feelings differ. Falling in love is also not love.

This is mania, sympathy for a member of the opposite sex. A teenager wants to spend time together and comfortably, without feeling any responsibilities or problems.

When there is love between teenagers, everything becomes different: people are not only attracted to each other because of their positive qualities.

The guy and the girl also don’t pay attention to each other’s shortcomings, sometimes finding advantages in them. They don’t try to fix anything in themselves, and that’s not necessary.

Here are specific signs of love that are relevant not only for teenagers, but also for other age categories:

1. Excitement at the sight of your crush.
2. Embarrassing facial flushing.
3. Conversations with loved ones often lead to discussions of your first love.
4. I want to communicate a lot with my other half.
5. You are drawn to him/her, and it is unclear how and why this happens.
6. There is a desire to give everything you have. And we are talking about spiritual values.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Any relationship begins with a feeling of falling in love. 17-year-olds are no exception.

There are several signs by which you can guess that a guy or girl has a crush:

There are also differences in behavior between boys and girls.

For girls

What characteristic behavioral traits can reveal a teenage girl in love:

Now let's talk about boys. What behavioral features can be noticed in representatives of the stronger sex:

1. He is constantly looking for his sympathy in the crowd. He wants her to notice him.
2. The guy’s behavior changes whenever his soulmate appears. For example, if in a company of friends a young man is the life of the party, then when “her” appears on the horizon, he turns into a shy boy.
3. The guy becomes a gentleman: he opens the door for his girlfriend, carries her bags/backpack, and says compliments.
4. A young man in love tries to fulfill every desire of his passion. Very often, a girl’s wish, said as a joke, is immediately fulfilled.

First love at 17

Teens are always interested in new things, and relationships are no exception. They can affect a guy or a girl in different ways, and this can often be noticed.

Video: my first love at 17 - experience and conclusions

Every teenager should always remember that relationships are not only about pleasure in the company of their significant other, but also about responsibility.

Therefore, true first love at such an early age is not common and is typical only for mature people, not only physically, but also spiritually.

It’s not for nothing that people say, “little children are little troubles.” As your yesterday's baby grows, more and more new troubles and problems appear. Just yesterday, my mother was looking for answers to questions related to raising her baby. And today she is feverishly looking for any information about such a phenomenon as the manifestation of love among teenagers 14 years old, and sometimes even younger.

No matter how much parents deny the fact that their child has grown up, and no matter how much they drive away the idea of ​​possible teenagers falling in love, and even more so about teenage sex, almost no one can avoid it. Don't believe me? Try to strain your memory and remember yourself at this age. Surely, you will remember your first love - so pure and bright, when it seemed that this love would last forever. And the chosen one or chosen one seemed to be the most ideal people in the world.

So why do parents, having heard that their child has encountered his first love, refuse to believe this fact and take it for granted? Often, parents begin to prove to their child that he is still too young for love, that this is not love at all, without listening to any persuasion and admonitions from their child. But this is not the worst thing parents can do.

A much bigger mistake, which is quite common, is ridiculing the child’s feelings. The consequences of such a line of parental behavior can be the saddest. Moreover, the loss of mutual understanding and contact between parents and their child is far from the worst option. Sometimes, unfortunately, a desperate teenager in love may even try to commit suicide. Especially if this very first love turns out to be unrequited.

Also, very often the chosen one or chosen one of your child becomes a cause for disagreement. In almost all cases, this has been the case for a long time, but their parents do not like the choice of children at all. Those parents who turn out to be a little wiser than others prefer to keep all criticism about the choice of their son or daughter to themselves. However, alas, most often parents, during emotional input, without particularly choosing words and expressions, tell the child everything they think about his significant other.

As a result, a difficult, tense psychological situation reigns in the house - the parents have endless conversations in the spirit of “mama didn’t grow the berries for him,” the child snaps. Agree – it’s far from the brightest prospect. And in order not to find themselves in such an unpleasant situation, parents must be fully armed.

After all, it often happens that all parental dissatisfaction and anxiety turn out to be absolutely justified. Unfortunately, no matter how parents might want it, the social circle of modern teenagers is quite large and includes not only positive boys and girls.

And for some reason, very often teenagers choose their soul mates from the so-called antipodes - people completely opposite to themselves. Look around - you will probably remember several couples in which the partners, at first glance, seem completely unsuitable for each other. The boy is an excellent student, a university student, dating a poorly educated and rather promiscuous high school student. Or, on the contrary, a girl - a Komsomol member, a pioneer and simply a beauty who doted on the first bastard and hooligan of the yard.

Sometimes their friendships and relationships are completely innocent and do absolutely no harm to the teenager. However, this is not always the case, unfortunately. How many times have teenagers, trying to be like their significant other, started smoking, trying alcoholic beverages, and even drugs. But this is not a complete list of what a child who finds himself in a socially disadvantaged environment may be drawn into.

So that, to the best of their ability, parents can prevent such situations, support their child morally, and where it is really necessary, control the child, or, on the contrary, give him a little more will, and you need to know everything about such things as teenagers falling in love.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Child and family psychologists unanimously assert that adolescence is one of the most difficult years both for the child himself and for all the adults around him. And this is not surprising - after all, it is during adolescence that a child begins to actively manifest such a character trait as teenage negativism.

It manifests itself in the fact that the teenager begins to question absolutely all the words of adults and tries to refute them, not in discussion, but in practice. Mom says smoking is bad for your health? This means that you need to smoke and see in six months what comes of it. Dad said that you need to be home no later than ten o'clock in the evening? We should try coming at 11 and see what happens.

In addition, almost all teenagers at some point begin to feel that adults are meddling too much not only into the soul, but also into the life of the child. Especially if adults only confirm his assumptions with their behavior. There are several basic taboos that psychologists strongly recommend against breaking:

• Do not rummage through children's things - pockets, bags, desk drawers. Remember that the child will most likely perceive this behavior as a manifestation of the parents' distrust of him.
• The same is true for mobile phones and computers - don't mess with them. Believe me, if your teenage child wants to watch porn videos, he will watch them anyway, not at home, but with friends.

Otherwise, your child will close within himself more tightly than a clam in its shell. After all, even in that case. If the relationship between parents and children is simply ideal, in adolescence they still try not to let their parents into their lives again. And therefore, most often, attentive parents can find out that your child has fallen in love only by signs of falling in love, because it is unlikely that the child will be able to hide all his thoughts and emotions. So, these signs include:

• Child's time at home

If previously your child could spend days on end reading a book or at the computer, but recently he has increasingly begun to disappear away from home, returning later than usual, this may be a sign that he has fallen in love. And, of course, he tries to spend all his free time with his passion.

In such a case, the parents’ biggest mistake would be prohibitions on spending time outside the home. The child will begin to violently protest against such a ban, and may simply hate you. Of course, after some time this hatred will disappear without a trace, but for quite a long time, both the parents and the teenager will experience hassle.

It makes much more sense to give your child a little more freedom than usual. Although, of course, one should never forget about the boundaries of what is reasonable - it is unacceptable to allow a teenager to return in the morning. However, allow your son or daughter to return home at least an hour later than usual. Believe me, he will definitely appreciate your trust!

• Increased phone talk time

Often, when a teenager gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, they begin to spend much more time talking on the phone. Moreover, if previously the child, without any regard, talked on the phone in your presence, now he tries to leave the room or at least move a little further away from you so that you do not hear the conversation.

Moreover, many parents are very worried about this, believing that the child is hiding something criminal from them. However, in fact, for the most part, all these conversations are essentially completely harmless. And the child leaves only because, considering himself already quite an adult, he strives for some autonomy and independence. There is no need to worry about this - very soon this desire will pass without a trace, immediately after youthful maximalism disappears.

• Request for more pocket money

As a rule, this point is fair for boys. And this is not surprising - after all, fortunately, despite any emancipation and other “charms” of modern life, there are still quite a lot of real representatives of the stronger sex who prefer to pay their own expenses for dates. And parents should be glad that they managed to raise a real man, even if he is still very young.

Try, to the best of your family’s financial capabilities, to give your son a little more money so that he can take his girlfriend to a cafe, or at least pay for her travel on public transport. Otherwise, the child will begin to independently seek the opportunity to find money.

And if we take into account the fact that not always a teenager can earn money, parents should seriously think about it. There is no guarantee that your son will not start stealing money from you. And this is in the best case, but in the worst case, the son may become involved in various illegal actions, and as a result he will have quite serious problems with the law. After all, it’s unlikely that you want this?

• Teenager's mood

A change in a teenager's mood may also indicate that he or she is falling in love. Moreover, these same changes can be very different and opposite. If the first love is mutual, the child feels a certain euphoria and is constantly in high spirits, which is very difficult for him to spoil.

But if the object of sympathy does not reciprocate the teenage crush, the picture may be completely opposite. The child is almost constantly depressed and may refuse to go for walks or eat. Teenage girls can cry a lot. Of course, parents should try to help their child at this time, but remember that adolescents’ perception of the world is still completely different from that of adults.

And if an adult woman, who has broken up with her passion, despite the sobs, happily discusses all his shortcomings with her friend and agrees that he is a complete bastard, then a teenager, in response to his parents’ attempt to point out the shortcomings of his chosen one, can completely withdraw into himself. And even just an attempt by a mother or father to console a child can cause a reaction of protest. It is much wiser to try to distract the child.

For example, if you have the opportunity, send your child somewhere to relax - a change of environment is very helpful even for adults, not to mention impressionable teenagers. Or buy him what he has wanted for a long time - a computer, a new phone. And don’t worry too much yourself - no matter how mortal the child’s mental wound may seem, very soon he will calm down and forget his first unhappy love.

• Appearance of a teenager

One of the most characteristic signs that a teenager has fallen in love is his increased attention to his appearance. Just yesterday your son wasn’t particularly concerned about the cleanliness of his shoes, but today he can look in them like he’s looking in a mirror? Has your daughter suddenly started asking you for permission to dye her hair? All this is a reason for parents to assume that their child has fallen in love.

It is during this period that quite serious conflicts between parents and children often arise. And this is not at all surprising - of course, if the child began to more carefully monitor his appearance, this will only be a plus. However, often a teenager conducts real experiments with his appearance - he dyes his hair in unimaginable shades, pierces all kinds of parts of his body, and puts on unimaginable clothes.

Of course, only a few parents can calmly and silently observe such experiments without criticizing the child. However, such criticism is unlikely to have the desired effect, but the likelihood of ruining the relationship with the child is very high. Therefore, try to accept the child with all his experiments - very soon they will pass, since they are just one of the inevitable factors of growing up and finding oneself.

If you can’t stand such creativity at all, try inviting your child to go to a beauty salon and go shopping together. Perhaps in this way you will be able to at least slightly adjust the teenager’s appearance. And speaking of shopping, try not to skimp on your child’s wardrobe during this period, otherwise he may develop quite serious complexes. And children are quite cruel creatures - teasing a child who stands out from the general crowd and who does not have this or that fashionable item is an absolutely normal practice for them.

• The emergence of contraceptives

Sometimes it happens that parents accidentally find contraception in their teenager. As a rule, condoms are most often found in boys. But girls can also often find contraceptives - the same condoms, or even birth control pills.

This situation is twofold. On the one hand, there is nothing good in the fact that a child began to be sexually active too early. And it is quite natural that the parents’ first desire will be to throw a terrible scandal with a showdown and a search for those responsible.

However, before you do this, try to calm down and think soberly. What will you achieve with a scandal? Virginity will not return to your child no matter how much you want. But the relationship, once again, can be ruined completely.

Psychologists recommend that parents pretend that they didn’t notice anything and... rejoice. One can foresee stormy objections from parents - they say, what is there to be happy about? And the fact that your child turned out to be intelligent and far-sighted enough to take care of his safety. Not all teenagers, having started sexual activity, think about their own safety in principle.

However, you shouldn’t relax completely either - after all, your child is still quite young, and is unlikely to know about all the dangers that sexual relations can pose. Try to inadvertently make sure that the child receives all the necessary information. How you do it is not the point. You can leave relevant relevant literature in a visible place, for example.

Of course, this list of signs of possible teenage love is very arbitrary. Often all these changes occur during adolescence, regardless of whether the child is in love or not. In addition, psychologists say that most of these signs should alert parents, especially the disappearance of money from home and constant fluctuations in the child’s emotional background. In some cases, this may indicate that the child has quite serious problems, including drug use.

In general, it is generally accepted that the more signs there are, the higher the likelihood that the child is really in love. And very often the best way to find out is to ask the child an open question. But as you remember, if he does not want to answer it, you should not insist and try to get into the child’s soul - you can only push him away from you.

How should parents behave?

As you can already see, falling in love almost always causes changes in teenagers, and sometimes quite significant. How should parents react to this situation? Let her take her course and not interfere? But it has already been said above that sometimes first love can lead to extremely sad consequences.

Interfere? However, even here, parents may face pitfalls - the child will think that you do not trust him or are overprotective. And this also often leads to various conflicts. Unfortunately, very often parents follow the path of least resistance - they simply forbid the child to communicate with the object of love. And they don’t pay much attention to such little things as a damaged relationship with their own offspring, believing that everything will work out on its own.

However, such behavior tactics are far from the most correct. At first glance, everything can pass completely without a trace. However, in reality this is not at all the case - the child simply hides his resentment deep in the subconscious. And then, many years later, you shouldn’t wonder why your child pays you “protocol” courtesy visits several times a year, writing it off as being too busy.

However, this is not the most unpleasant of all that such a line of behavior can result in. As a rule, almost all children, without exception, in adulthood, having become parents themselves, will involuntarily, at the subconscious level, repeat the behavior of their parents. And that means their mistakes.

To prevent such a situation, it is very important to behave correctly in this situation. There are several tips from a psychologist that will help parents behave correctly. So:

• Get to know your child's crush

If you are lucky and know exactly who your child is in love with, try to get to know him. Advise your child to invite your chosen one home. And pay attention - there is absolutely no need to have a family dinner. The children are still too young, and therefore there is absolutely no point in organizing “bride shows”.

Dating is necessary in order to get to know a person better. Very often, when meeting someone, it turns out that a person is actually much better than he seemed at first glance. And who knows, perhaps behind the appearance of a cheeky girl with purple hair there is a completely modest girl who is trying to realize herself in a similar way. And behind the appearance of a guy - a hooligan - there is a young man who catches every word and glance of your daughter, ready to fulfill her every desire and protect her from the slightest danger.

• Meet your child's friends

Those parents who know their child’s environment are in a very advantageous position. Try to get to know all, or almost all, of his friends - and you will have at least a rough idea of ​​the social circle in which your child moves. This means you will already know roughly what to expect and what to prepare for.

However, be prepared for the fact that in order to get to know your child's friends, you will have to resort to a little trick. It is unlikely that the child will bring them to you one by one for acquaintance, as if for interrogation. But if you are organizing a party for your son or daughter and their friends, you will probably have a great opportunity not only to see with your own eyes almost all your loved ones, but also to be known as understanding and, as the younger generation says, “advanced” parents.

However, remember that it is unlikely that children will be able to feel comfortable under your tireless control - give them a little freedom. Stay for a while and go to the cinema or visit - leave the teenagers alone. Believe me, nothing bad will happen to them. But your child will certainly appreciate your trust in him, and will try in every possible way to justify it and not lose it. And such a small holiday will have a very positive effect on your relationship with your child.

• Refrain from criticism

It may well be that when you meet, you will only be convinced that you were right, and the other half of your child is very far from ideal. However, do not rush to tell your daughter that the guy is not worth her little finger, or your son that his girlfriend is just a dummy. In this way, you will achieve nothing, but will only push the child away from you. Moreover, to spite you, your child will spend even more time with the object of sympathy, even if the interest goes away on its own, naturally.

But it wouldn’t hurt to talk frankly with your child. Try to unobtrusively find out from your son or daughter what exactly attracted them so much to their chosen one or chosen one. Under no circumstances should you ridicule your child’s arguments, but try to truly understand and accept them. Perhaps these arguments are not so naive and stupid.

• Don't read notations

Another very common mistake many parents make is turning a confidential conversation with their child into a banal lecture. Agree, few people will like the situation when they come to a loved one with a desire to talk, but instead of advice, or at least understanding, they receive a moralizing sermon.

Therefore, no matter how hard it is for you to resist “soul-saving” conversations, under no circumstances give in to the impulse. Be sure to listen to your child and try to give him truly correct and useful advice if he needs it. Remember that the first love will pass quite quickly, but restoring the lost trust of a child is extremely difficult, and sometimes even completely unrealistic.

• Let your child get his own bumps

Of course, no parent wants their child to have to make mistakes. And then pay for these mistakes, sometimes quite seriously. However, you should not do this under any circumstances! No matter how much you want it, you cannot simply physically protect your child from all the dangers that may await him along the long path of life.

So maybe it really makes sense to give the child the opportunity to make mistakes and gain his own life experience, even minimal? At least for now, the child is next to you, and you will be able to provide him with the necessary help. And later, when the child grows up, it may happen that you will not be able to help him in such situations. So why take risks and deprive your child of the opportunity to gain experience and grow up?

• Don't interfere with teenagers' relationships

Under no circumstances should you try to make any effort to make young lovers quarrel. And, unfortunately, many parents practice this type of behavior. Intrigues, gossip, slander, slander - parents are ready to do anything to cause a rift between young people.

However, this is very fraught with negative consequences. If you try to turn your child against his significant other, and their relationship remains strong, you risk becoming enemy number one for both of them. And in this case, be prepared to be shunned and avoided in every possible way. The child will completely and completely try to protect his personal life from your presence.

The reaction to even the most innocuous question like “where are you going?” will only make the child want to snap. The child will begin to hide everything from you - his computer, phone, personal belongings. Very soon, family life will begin to resemble a battlefield, on which the parents and the teenager will become opponents.

Such a turn of events is especially fraught for the daughter’s parents, and for her in the first place. There are often cases when a girl deliberately gets pregnant very early from her boyfriend, and as a result, at 15–16 years old, parents are forced to either give their permission to marry or even send their daughter for an abortion.

But this is not the best way either. Firstly, the first abortion, and even at such an early age, has an extremely negative impact on the woman’s health, and on the functioning of her reproductive system in particular. You shouldn’t focus on the medical aspects - everyone probably knows about them very well.

And secondly, your daughter is now going through an extremely difficult period in her life. Hormonal changes, and even first love, are a real explosive mixture that makes a girl completely uncontrollable. She can simply, simply, pack up and go live with her boyfriend. And consider yourself very lucky if your daughter’s chosen one turns out to be a quiet boy who lives in a neighboring house, and you regularly meet his parents in the nearest store.

What if not? If you have a very vague idea of ​​what kind of person the guy your daughter is in love with is? What if he lives wherever he has to, works part-time, doing not very legal things, or hitchhikes? Think about it - where will you look for your daughter in this case? But such stories, unfortunately, are not at all some kind of horror stories for parents, but do occur, and, alas, are not so rare.

In the event that you still manage to achieve your goal and your son or daughter breaks up with their passion, they may blame you for this. Often, even after many years, this childhood resentment makes itself felt - the child may periodically, as a rule, precisely during quarrels or conflicts, remind you of this act of yours.

• Tell your child about your first love

If you categorically refuse to accept your child’s choice, remember this. That notations and moralizing in a conversation are under no circumstances acceptable. So try to go the other way - tell him about your first love. And don’t skimp on words - tell us in as much detail as possible: about your feelings and emotions at that moment, about your experiences, plans and hopes, about your first dates and first kiss.

Try to speak as convincingly as possible so that the child feels the sincerity of your words. And then tell him how and why this love passed for you, how you met your true love - his second parent. Moreover, it is highly desirable that both parents—mother and father—talk about this.

Why is this necessary, you ask? And with such stories, you will in any case make the child involuntarily think about what. It is quite possible that his first love will not last forever. After all, a child’s life is just beginning – and who knows how it will turn out next. However, under no circumstances give examples from someone else’s life - there is no point in pointing to the neighbor’s girl who gave birth to a baby at 16 and is raising him alone. The child will most likely perceive such an example as just another “lecture” on the topic of morality.

• Increase your child's self-esteem

Most often, in order for a child to part with his passion, parents choose the following tactics: they begin to look for the slightest flaws in the teenager’s beloved. And be sure to vigorously discuss them among themselves, but so that the child hears about it. And sometimes they are also constantly pointed out to the child.

But such tactics are doomed to failure in advance - people in love usually notice little of what is around them. And even more so, they never see flaws in the object of their love. It just so happened. That love in general is very prone to idealizing a partner. Don't believe me? Remember yourself at the peak of love.

Last time we talked to you about children's love, which comes to our babies before puberty. Today I propose to discuss teenage love, try to figure out what it is, how to respond correctly to your child’s feelings and help him cope with them.

Puberty is such a complex and mysterious stage of development in the lives of adolescents. At the age of 12-16 years, our children experience intense love, becoming more distracted, apathetic, their mood changes at the speed of sound, and their academic performance decreases. And it is parents who in this situation must take on the role of wise mentors to help their children get through this difficult time. After all, who knows in advance, what if your teenager met his fate?

You shouldn’t take the news of falling in love as a tragedy on a global scale and throw hysterics about it with wringing of hands, fainting and terrible thoughts in the style: “Oh, it’s too early for him to fall in love, he should only have studies in his head.” Remember yourself at this age, your experiences, tossing, fear of confessing to your parents, horror at the thought that someone else besides you will find out about your feelings. Do you remember? And how did you feel? If you are lucky and your parents supported you, do the same with your child. And, if you were unlucky as a teenager, and adults just brushed you off, slapping you on the wrist and punishing you along the way (as was the case with me), you shouldn’t do the same. The opinion that “I coped and survived, and therefore you can too,” can be fatal for your child. Unfortunately, the thought of suicide due to unrequited love and misunderstanding with parents visits teenagers quite often, so they can simply brush it off and not pay attention. If you see that something is wrong with a child, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, frankly.

If a child falls in love, then it’s time.

You will have to come to terms with this - the child has grown up. He has grown so much that he is ready to love and accept love. And if you set boundaries: it’s too early for you or he (she) is not a match for you, you will lose the teenager’s trust. What to do, what to do? Let's turn to psychologists for help and see what they recommend.

1. To begin with, you should not elevate yourself above a teenager and put pressure on you with your parental authority - this will provoke a desire to act contrary to you.

2. Your child must understand that you are with him, that his problems are your problems, his experiences are your experiences and that you understand him perfectly.

3. You should not make fun of his feelings - they are too important for teenagers, and your ridicule can hurt him, alienating him from you.

4. Try to choose a calm form of communication so that there is no irritation or mutual aggression - children are already confused by the feelings that have arisen, and then their closest relatives and friends start scandals.

5. No one excludes the possibility that your child’s chosen one or chosen one does not entirely correspond to your parental plans - however, it’s not up to you to choose, in any case, in the most acute period of love, you certainly won’t do anything. You shouldn’t make fun of his sympathy by responding unflatteringly and derogatorily; it’s better to find kind, affectionate words - it’s easy to lose a child’s trust and hard to regain.

6. Super-caring parents will immediately try to give a lecture on the topic of early sexual activity, its dangers, diseases and consequences. Of course, sex education for teenagers is necessary, the main thing is not to overdo it and not provoke excessive interest in that very “forbidden fruit.”

7. To have a clear idea of ​​the object of your child’s adoration, invite him to visit. What will this give you? You will get to know him personally and form your own, objective opinion about him. And it’s better to let them see you at home, in front of your eyes, than somewhere in the gateways. Just don’t “strangle” the young lovers with excessive care, give them a little freedom of action.

8. Choose a good moment and tell about your first love, your experiences, how and how it all ended, what experience you gained.

9. Do not prevent a teenager from making decisions on his own, to take a better look at his object of sympathy, even if he is disappointed in him - this will be his decision, not yours.

And how can you communicate with him, a lover?

A teenager in love does not fully understand what is happening to him: hormones are seething, his mood is up and down, sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Definitely, he needs your support: you are older, you are more experienced, after all, you have already been through this. And young Romeo and Juliet, who so want to be adults, are still on the path of gaining experience and your valuable advice, truthful answers to questions, openness and desire to help will be very helpful.

When a child is in love, he wants to be better, look more beautiful and neat. It's time to teach your offspring how to properly put things in a closet, how to take care of themselves, and a reminder about hygiene would be a good idea. You can go shopping together and pick up a few new things for your child, or beautiful accessories for a girl. In a word, take an active part in the transformation of the child. Your offspring will definitely not hear lectures about their deteriorating studies, but careful conversations on this topic are still worth having. Try to convey to him that quality education is an excellent start for the future and love in this matter is not a hindrance, but on the contrary, an excellent helper. Help plan your day so that you have enough time to do your homework.

Of course, it’s easy to give advice and you can write anything you want, but let’s talk honestly, parents. Answer me this question: Are you scared of your teenager falling in love? Why? What exactly is the source of anxiety? Fear that your child may experience unrequited love? What will suffer and do a bunch of stupid things in this state? Or do you personally not want to worry about this?

In any case, whatever your answers, remember that this is your child, but not property. And he grows, his problems and difficulties also take on a more adult character. Whether you like it or not, he is in love. And it is in your power to help him cope with this avalanche of emotions that are still incomprehensible, let the child feel that you are with him, you are nearby and will always help. Throw your fears and parental jealousy out of your head - they are not helping you. Our children deserve respect, they do not need prohibitions and boundaries, they need our support and love.

Romeo and Juliet - the other side of love.

Let's talk a little about bad habits. Above, I already cited as an example the advice of a psychologist that it is better to get to know the object of your child’s adoration in person. And if you notice that something is wrong with your chosen one, do not rush to immediately throw him out the door. It’s better to talk to your teenager later and try to find out in more detail who his chosen one is and from what family. The age of 14-16 years is a time of experimentation, when yesterday’s children try to imitate adults: they try smoking, get acquainted with alcohol, alas, but also with drugs. And here it is important not to miss the moment when a teenager turns from an interested person to an addict.

Sports, all kinds of interest groups, sections - this is the distraction that will help you protect your teenager from an early acquaintance with adult life. There is no point in scolding, punishing, and even more so beating. As I wrote above, this can provoke action “in spite of”. Conversations that are even better supported by relevant literature will be more effective.

Due to misunderstandings with my parents, I started smoking at the age of 13, and by the age of 15 I became acquainted with alcohol. All this was done in spite of parental prohibitions: don’t go, don’t play, stay at home and study your homework. It is a miracle that with such behavior I did not end up in bad company, but graduated from school decently and was able to enter a university and receive a higher education.

The first sexual experience is also acquired at this age: some learn to kiss, and some acquire a sexual partner. And here it is worth reminding you that conversations with your children about sex education should begin from early childhood, presenting information in accordance with the age of your child. A teenager who knows where and how children come from, what sex is and what the consequences can be is unlikely to want full intimacy at this age.

Let's summarize.

Love is, of course, always wonderful! This is a feeling that elevates a person, motivating him to take actions that were previously unusual for him. This is a set of emotions that cannot be described in one sentence, but without this feeling human life is not perfect. And when our children fall in love, we should not disturb them by creating an obstacle course on the way to the object of their affection. Help them, so young and inexperienced, teach them to respect their chosen ones, to appreciate, to be sensitive and attentive, and caring.

Remember, dear parents, that now you are helping your child learn to love, and how closely and sincerely you take part in his life depends on how he will build relationships with the opposite sex in adulthood.

A funny picture with statistics has been floating around the Internet for a long time: why do women fall in love? The percentages in it are distributed as follows: 61% cannot live without unnecessary problems, 13% fall for money, 11% did not listen to their mother, 9% love animals, 6% are simply fools. This is a joke, but, as always, with a grain of truth. Only these statistics do not take into account a woman’s age, depending on which her attitude towards men and love changes. We will try to understand the psychology of female love at different stages of life, but not as a joke, but seriously.

15 years

It may not necessarily be 15 years old, but also 14, maybe love at 16, and 17, and 19 - the time of youth and the time of first love. At this age we have the most contradictory and chaotic attitude towards men. On the one hand, the bar for a potential boyfriend is raised to the skies, on the other hand, the cloudiness in the brain and soul, as well as a complete lack of experience, does not allow one to correctly judge men, evaluate their strengths and weaknesses. In our youth, we are attracted, first of all, by the picture, appearance, behavior, behind which we see, invent and think out internal qualities - kindness, intelligence, decency. Remember how you “selected applicants” when you were 15 years old. It most likely looked something like this. You were walking with your best friend down the street, at a parade, with hairstyles that you had just done for each other at home, seeming so grown up, but in fact, just girls, similar to each other and funny. You walked and noted with your gaze every male representative passing by, and especially those whose age was 3-5 years older than yours. Because those who are younger are youngsters, and those who are older are old farts. And considering that girls aged 13-17 are the funniest creatures on the planet, just show them your finger and they will roll, as soon as another young man jumped past you, there was immediately a burst of laughter. The phrases accompanying this explosion could be the following: “Did you see how he was staring? Ugh, what a disgusting one! Crooked nose! I’m also a punk! Does he even wash himself? He liked you! Look, he turns around! Ha-ha-ha! Let’s run from here!"

This continued until you met HIM. And Pushkin’s lines “The soul was waiting for... someone” and “The time has come, she fell in love” fully suited you too. Most often, a 15-year-old girl falls in love with a guy who is in full view of everyone, a handsome guy or an impudent guy, someone who, for various reasons (arrogance, sense of humor, parents’ money) becomes the center of attention. I experienced this myself when for two years of my youth I was sick as never before in my life, by a person five years older than me. He was the captain of the KVN team. One day I accidentally found myself in a company where everyone was listening with their mouths open to his jokes and laughing. And I laughed too, and then I came home and sobbed into my pillow all night. She wrote in diaries, drew her experiences with black ink on paper, woke up and fell asleep with the thought of him, every day she found time to “accidentally” walk past the kiosk where he usually bought cigarettes, in the hope of seeing him and hearing a casual “hello.” He had slightly slanted eyes, a slightly crazy look, a feverish blush on his cheeks. He was also rude and drank a lot. And he laughed at me. I loved him as one can only love in youth - madly and forever.

25 years

The age from 20 to 30 years with a center at 25 is the same age when the main “fateful” decisions in life are usually made. In this time period, as a rule, we meet someone who - for the rest of our lives or only for part of it - becomes our other half.

At the age of 25, a woman already has experience in relationships with men, she has experienced meetings and separations, insults and forgiveness, several times her ideas about men have been turned upside down and vice versa. She came to the conclusion that handsome men are often selfish, jokers are womanizers, drinkers are professionals, namely drunkards who cannot be cured with love and affection. Now she looks at men differently: she takes a closer look, carefully asks her friends, is afraid of getting burned, weighs the pros and cons, and draws parallels with past relationships. And if in his youth the external attractiveness of the subject came first, now the inner world of a man, his attitude towards the woman he loves, and, of course, his material wealth becomes valuable. After all, he must provide not only for his wife, but also for their children together - a woman around the age of 25 constantly keeps all this in mind.

It takes a 25-year-old girl much less time than a 17-year-old to understand that this man is not right for her. She knows how this or that life collision can end, for example, falling in love with a married man, and she will try not to waste several years of her life on a man who will never leave his wife and children. Although even an adult woman sometimes understands this too late.

At this age, you are in the prime of your attractiveness, and therefore fairly high demands regarding the man you would like to see as your husband have a very real chance of being crowned with success. In a word, you want a lot and you will get a lot! Although, of course, no one is immune from disappointment.

35 years and older

Love at 16 is different from love at 30. After 30, you become a person with an established character, with unchanged advantages and disadvantages, habits, needs and established lifestyle. You cannot be remade, you cannot be molded into a different person like from plasticine, you have difficulty making compromises and are almost completely unable to adapt to other people. You are who you are. And you want to be loved by the same ideal man you dreamed of when you were 25. This is where the difficulty lies. That man got married a long time ago. He has obligations, problems, and, after all, a wife. He has no time for you. True, sometimes he gets divorced, and then he has at his disposal the attention of many women much younger than you, ready to become clay in his hands. And you are different. You are older. And why are you better than them?

All women over 30 can be divided into two categories: those who lower the bar relative to men, and those who do not.

The expression “lower the bar” can easily be replaced with “become more tolerant of people.” You become more tolerant of men, you can forgive them a lot, for example, rude treatment (“He has so many problems at work!”), a reminder that you are sitting on his neck (“But I really get 5 times less than him!"), sometimes even betrayal ("Anyway, he came back to me. I am a wise woman"). Some women really, with all sincerity, forgive their men a lot, loving and considering them good people, only tortured by work, affairs and life in general. Other ladies endure and lower the bar only because they feel: their time is running out, there is no time for legibility here, even if there is some kind of man in the house. And public opinion, “inciting” them not to wander around and take what’s left, plays an important role in this dirty deed.

A woman over 35 with high demands on men should be ready to be left alone. Because her potential rivals have youth, naivety and freshness of feelings that men like so much. But she also has a chance to get what she deserves. And for this you need to constantly work on yourself, improving spiritually and physically. Maintain a slim figure. Dress elegantly, attractively, with taste, use expensive cosmetics. To cherish and cherish, to love yourself. Self-realization at work. And in your free time, don’t sit at home, but attend festive events, make acquaintances, and live life to the fullest. And be present where the man of her dreams may be (of course, without meaning it at all!) And this man will not miss such a woman! After all, in addition to being successful, interesting and independent, she is also truly BEAUTIFUL at just over 30 years old. And the beauty of a mature woman is inherently deeper and more attractive than the ephemeral charm of youth.

But now I can already hear indignant phrases about why we, women, have to try all our lives for men, to dress attractively, go to beauty salons, etc.? Please, no one rapes anyone. Stay in your favorite stretchy jeans and pilly sweater and don't wash off the polish on your chipped nails for at least another week. No one is forcing you to change! But then don’t even dream about smart and successful men who have Suskind’s latest novel in the back seat of a luxury car. Because you, with your rich inner world, unfortunately, will certainly never fall into the zone of their attention.

So: love at 16 years old is radically different from love at 35 years old. In our youth we fall in love with a picture, in our youth with a character, and in our maturity with a man who truly deserves us. Or we are left alone. And we continue to live. Waiting for love...