Hello, I feel very uncomfortable asking this question, but unfortunately, first I still want to get help from an online consultant. I need to solve a problem. A long time ago I made, as it seemed to me at the moment, a mistake, which is now taking on an unpleasant form for me.

When my son was 13 years old, he and his friends got together in the evening on New Year’s Eve, and in their company there was a girl whom he really liked. There was an incident inside the company, a fight, and my son came home completely broken, disappointed, I would even say that he was in a state of shock. He started hysterical about how unfair the world is, he even came to tears, I couldn’t calm him down. I didn’t want to call an ambulance, it was very late, and it was a holiday. I’m ashamed to talk about this, I don’t know what came over me then, but when he lay crying, I satisfied him orally. This helped, he calmed down and immediately forgot about everything and even thanked me. That same night I scolded myself greatly for what I had done. A couple of weeks went by and it came up. He himself began to ask me about it, reminding me how magically it worked that time. At that time, I didn’t think that any problem would arise from this, because it was an ordinary blowjob. In general, for several years I had to “calm him down” like this. This happened before going to school, lyceum. Everything would be fine if it weren’t for him growing up, now he’s 19. Our relationship, naturally, is changing, he has become ruder and, how can I put it to you, more vulgar, or something. If earlier he delicately asked me about this, then lately he can simply come up to me when I am watching TV, take off my pants and grab me by the neck and pull me down. If before we agreed and he came into a napkin, now, without asking, he does it right into me. He also brings down his nervous stress on me, and everything turns from classics into some kind of rough fucking of my mouth. Please excuse me for such details. But he’s a good guy, he treats me very well, but there are bullshit like that. I feel very bad about this, I feel very bad. Please advise what options I have at the moment, how to stop all this?

Katherine, Tashkent, Uzbekistan, 43 years old

Psychologist's answer:

Hello Katherine.

The fighting incident has no significance. You simply took advantage of this to seduce your son. And you also begin the letter with the fact that this “takes on an unpleasant form for YOU.” And not at all from the realization of what you did to your child, what damage you caused to his psyche. There should be no sexual relationship between parent and child. Never. Under no circumstances. Not for any desires, thoughts, needs, interests. Incestuous relationships (incest) destroy the relationship with the parent and lead the child/teen to shame, despair, emptiness, depression, fear of retribution/punishment is formed because he perceives himself as guilty of the situation, dissociative symptoms develop as a defense mechanism, confusion in reality what is happening, affective disorder when strong emotions (aggression) or suppression intrude, sexual dysfunction (his sexuality did not develop naturally with boundaries, you violated this), somatoform disorders. You write: “This makes me very uncomfortable, I feel very bad.” You think only about yourself in such a perverted and cruel format in relation to your own child. You keep thinking about how to feel good. You must leave/leave/protect yourself from your son by first referring him to a psychiatrist/psychotherapist/psychologist.

Sincerely, Lipkina Arina Yurievna.

In my consulting practice, I often hear from parents: “My child So behaves badly , which drives me crazy”, “Sometimes I’m ready to kill my child”, “I’m driven to white heat by the actions of my son/daughter.”

Often children's manipulations force parents to lose control of themselves and brutally punish their provocateur children. As a result, parents experience remorse and are consumed by guilt. And then the parent often tries to bribe the child in order to get his forgiveness for the punishment.

Parents, realizing that corporal punishment of children do not give the desired result, they wonder whether there is family educationchildren without punishment.

One mother complained to me during a consultation that at times her son Nikita drove her into a state of rage. Here is one of such episodes.

At the family council it was decided that in a year Nikita would need to take a serious exam in mathematics to enter the gymnasium. To achieve this, the parents and son agreed that the mother would regularly study mathematics with him. When faced with the slightest difficulties, Nikita began to whine and refused to get involved in the work, no matter how much he was persuaded. As soon as his mother began to lose patience and threaten punishment, he began to prove that in fact he had tried very hard, the task was simply too difficult. As a result, the classes turned into an endless showdown between mother and son. Nikita became a great virtuoso at driving his parents crazy.

Once, when Nikita’s unacceptable behavior went too far, his mother could not stand it, tore his notebook and gave him a painful slap on the cheeks. Later she felt terrible, began to cry, began to ask for forgiveness and say that she loved her son. That day the class was canceled, and Nikita promised to continue to study well. The next day, instead of studying, Nikita again began to argue and “pull the blanket over himself.”

My client reinforces defiant behavior his baby, allowing him to manipulate the situation in such a way that she ultimately feels guilty and allows the child to achieve his goal - not to do mathematics.

In most cases, your child knows very well what he is doing and why. This was confirmed in a further conversation with Nikita, who confirmed that when his mother gets very angry with him and goes into a rage, then she feels bad and allows him to get what he wants.

Mother did not know what to do with Nikita. Therefore, during the consultation, we learned with her not to react to provoking behavior impulsively, using Physical punishment , and apply system of natural consequences , not allowing her son to anger her. For example, if Nikita is capricious during classes, then on that day his mother will not study with him, and Nikita will solve problems on her own.

I convinced her that if she still couldn’t restrain herself and punished Nikita, she shouldn’t feel guilty, much less compensate the child for the punishment. Any mothers and fathers are people first and foremost, so from now on Nikita’s mother can sometimes allow her feelings to take over and do the wrong thing. However, first she needs to reflect on her mistakes and learn from them. If Nikita’s mother applies new knowledge in everyday communication about how to raise children without punishment , then in the future such situations will occur less and less often.

Good afternoon

Something on the forum is a bunch of topics about animals, but in a negative way (((
I want positive emotions. I propose to tell you about your pets again (even though we’ve done this many times and the forum members already know some of them as if they were their own)))
We have a cat Sonya. A little over 2 years ago, they took her from the entrance with 3 kittens, I asked here for advice on care and education.
The kittens were distributed, the cat lives and makes us happy. Kind, fluffy, but willful... does not allow herself to be cuddled, she accepts affection favorably and according to her mood.
Very curious, sticks her nose everywhere
With the advent of the youngest, she became an excellent nanny and warmer))) sleeps next to him and, in my opinion, allows too much to the human cub

Add your photos

Anonymous

Very often I see a warning. that it is not worth paying for a mortgage with maternal capital. Why? Except that the child will grow up and bring a camp of gypsies to his parents or throw his relatives into the trash heap. Yes, it won’t be possible to just sell it out of the blue, but sell it and buy a bigger and better apartment, right?

Black Troll Henny

Dear beauties, I need your advice. I wash the floors the old fashioned way, with a rag in my hands and moving backwards and forwards, my head in a bucket, Josephine Pavlovna as a navigator... many of my friends here advise me to buy a mop. like, this is not like the Soviet ones before. I bought one for 1500 rubles, the second for 2500 rubles. both are happy. They say that cleaning floors now is a pleasure... but it seems to me that until you put your hands to it, you can’t wash anything. I had a robot vacuum cleaner - it collects dust well and freshens the floor, but it’s not a complete cleaning. Please share your experience of using modern mops - is it worth spending money on them, or is this a toy for 3 weeks?

Orcia

Girls five years of unsuccessful planning. I went through everything possible (except eco. It was not shown to me). Now the hormones are all normal, except for AMH, which is 0.64. It is clear that there is almost no chance. At the end of November there was laparoscopic surgery and hysteroscopy. The gynecologist sent me to get pregnant for at least three months on my own. I track ovulation with tests and ultrasound. December fly by. And even now I don’t really hope that it worked out, but the thought of what I wanted does not allow me to live normally. And after all, I work, read books, go to the gym, take care of my daughter, homework, English, art, plus adolescence apparently begins, household chores have not been canceled either, I also do embroidery, but these obsessive thoughts will not let go, even if you burst. Over the course of five years there were renovations, vacations, a mortgage, a new house, and dad was very sick, what I mean is that everyone advises to let go of the situation and everything will work out. She let me go, but it seemed like the doctor gave me hope and that was all. What to do with yourself so as not to think about whether it worked out or not? Well, then don’t be upset to the point of tears that it didn’t work out again?

Anonymous

The situation of my close friend. Crying, doesn't know what to do. I’ll ask here, I’ll give you some sensible advice, she doesn’t have the Internet, she’s not friends.

The woman is 50 years old, medical specialty, salary is very modest. The son got married, had a child, and live with his mother in a small two-room apartment. And then the son suggested that his mother move into a one-room apartment, which she would buy for herself with a mortgage, and they would help her pay off this mortgage. My son’s salary is unofficial, my daughter-in-law is on maternity leave, they won’t be given a mortgage.

And so they started choosing an apartment for her. Realtor, sister-in-law. A friend of mine wanted a large one-room apartment, with a spacious kitchen, and a separate bathroom. The realtor says there are no such people, and only gives her a bunch of Khrushchev-era apartment buildings in inconvenient areas. She even went and looked at one, it was terrible, dark, dirty, low ground floor, next to a diner. A public toilet in the bushes right under the windows. She refused in horror. The daughter-in-law called and started shouting at her that for that kind of money they would no longer find an apartment, it was almost nothing. They should be paid! To which my friend was at first confused and almost gave in to sign the contract, and then called me.

I invited her to my place, we immediately found a bunch of wonderful options for spacious one-room apartments right on Avito. The realtor began to say that there were difficulties with them, rejected all the options one by one and again persuaded her to take that cheap Khrushchev house as soon as possible, otherwise they would take her away. But she doesn’t want to go to this Khrushchev building! The daughter-in-law calls again and hurries. The son remains silent.

And she and I sat down and thought. Why the hell is she being forced out of her own apartment to a place where she doesn’t want to live? I called my son. He says - oh, so mom, since that option doesn’t suit you, it means you’re not my mother. We will pay, but you want to sell your own son for money, you are looking for the most expensive apartment!

Here my friend and I were completely blown away. I then suggested that she not move anywhere at all, she has an excellent two-room apartment in a convenient location, close to work, a wonderful yard with greenery, and wonderful neighbors. Her son needs a two-room apartment - then let him buy it himself. And she already has everything.

As a result, her son and daughter-in-law don’t talk to her, they don’t let the child hang out, they have pointedly allocated a separate shelf for themselves in her refrigerator, and they don’t eat what she cooks. And it's been like this for a week.

She asks me what to do. What are your thoughts, dear forum? The situation at her home is unbearable, she is crying and is ready to go to any ruins just to make peace with her son.

Lyubakha

Moms, are there those who didn’t buy consoles for their children, who don’t have computer games, tablets, etc.? Did the children ask and did you make concessions?
To be honest, there is none of the above. I have a laptop, but I don’t lend it out for gaming. My son is 8, third grade, average student, diagnosed with ADD (without AD). Asks for a console.
Who has it, how do you limit it, how much time do children spend playing games, and has the advent of the console affected their studies and behavior? Are there interesting educational games and do children play them willingly? I’m afraid to buy something, I don’t play myself, I don’t play a single game on my smartphone, I consider it a waste of time, and somehow I don’t like such a pastime. But the 21st century is here, probably everyone has at least something... a tablet, a smartphone, a console, a computer for games.

Of course, the situation you are in is difficult. But you have found at least some support for yourself in life, and this, of course, should be treasured if your husband is not a bad person. But the relationship with my son, of course, must now not be destroyed and preserved. Children from an early age, even before the age of three, are taught obedience. It looks like they didn’t make a deal because they didn’t know about it. Most likely you followed the theory - you need to be a friend to your child and this is a misconception. Parents should be a senior authority, and not a friend, and they should instill good habits in the child, with which it will then be easier for him to live in an independent life, and this includes cleaning the house (including the toilet), this is discipline, the daily routine, so- to cultivate moral guidelines, to form a conscience - then it will subsequently be easier for him to build relationships with the world (with the people around him). By the way, if there is no father or stepfather in the family, but only a mother, then the child will not learn to interact with the outside world. He will not get practice in his own family, when making mistakes in behavior, he still does not really risk causing anger, but on the contrary, he is protected by the guarantee of patience from adults, because they are his family and will understand and forgive a lot and even give advice. In general, they learn little from their mother by practically interacting with the outside world. Mom is the person who taught you everything, in principle, and you understand each other without words, she doesn’t need to convey anything, because it was she who taught you to think so, to think so, to see so, being with you very closely for the first three years. But the father is the first person from the outside world and he never knows what you need, he needs to convey it, spend energy on it and learn to understand that he cannot guess what you want, unlike your mother. On the one hand, he is a person from the outside world, on the other hand, he is still not a stranger, he will love you and wants to understand. And these are good conditions for safely learning to communicate with the outside world. Now let's return to your situation - the boy did not have a father and he does not know how to interact with the outside world. This is the difficulty of relationships now that a stepfather has appeared. You will have to understand this and go through it. Sometime you have to learn. After all, he will face this problem anyway later, when he becomes independent. Now all of you study together, the main thing is that you all be friendly to each other and patient, especially adults, and of course you do not hesitate to show warmth towards your son, even if he is growing up and even if he is harsh. Be one family since you are in the same boat. Of course, it’s too late to cultivate obedience; it may not work. But still, it’s never too late to at least figure out what your position should be. There are many videos on the Internet about how to instill obedience in a child, and there are also lectures by Rabbi Avir Kushnir, for example, “Basics of raising children. Obedience.” Maybe they can be the beginning for you to understand the role of parents, and then you will find your way on your own, who knows. But of course, the responsibility for raising your son lies with you (namely the parents, but there is no father, so that means you). Grandmothers are not your children's educators; this is not their responsibility. They should love their grandchildren, but only you can raise your son. You must become the main authority in his eyes. It is you that he must listen to. Otherwise, expect trouble; someone else will become the authority. And maybe it won’t be the best person, someone from the Internet or just from a yard company. And regarding the computer, of course, we need restrictions and control over access to the Internet. It is not safe for teenagers. Perhaps he already has influence from there and this explains his impudent attitude towards you. 12/16/2018 10:08:13, EvgueniaL

05 Mar 2016

Alena Averina

Hello! My name is Anna, my son is 2 years old.
The child is active, energetic, but very capricious. He has been crying a lot since birth, and even in the maternity hospital the midwife told me that “he’ll show you around the house, this quiet guy.” That’s exactly what happened.
I gave up breastfeeding at 2 months and I pumped until 9 months, feeding from a bottle with a nipple only breast milk.
He still eats at night and sucks on his pacifier. I give a good mixture, but I dilute it greatly to gradually wean him off. But so far to no avail - he consistently eats 2-3 times at night from a bottle with a pacifier. The pacifier is our salvation. When he gets capricious, he takes it and calms down.
We started teething in 1 month and 2 months, only 12 so far.
We don't go to the garden. In development too, for now, since there are no vaccinations.
So far only “mom” says “ok”, “give”, “yes”, “no”. The rest is in his childhood. He doesn’t say the word “dad,” although he said it a couple of times.
He doesn't go potty yet, we use diapers.
In general, the boy is smart.
Lately he doesn’t want to wear clothes when going out; he walks around barefoot and naked. It’s generally not possible to dress him: he cries hysterically and dodges. To the question: will you go for a walk, he answers “no.” He also doesn’t wear home clothes. It is almost impossible to persuade.
If he wants something and it’s not given to him, a terrible hysteria begins. At home there is an endless shouting of the child. My husband indulges me, I don’t. But in the end, most often his desires are satisfied.
Please tell me how to cope and find a common language with such a child?

06 Mar 2016

Hello Anna!
I sympathize, two years is a difficult age...
Tell me, please, how is the baby's health? What does the neurologist say? The reason for refusing vaccinations is your choice or are there any medical contraindications?
About family upbringing. It’s good if parents have the same position on fundamental issues: what is possible and what is not. Tell me, please, is your only child? How old are you and your husband? Are you currently on maternity leave?
To the question “how to cope”... Did I understand correctly that your son is excitable, sensitive, and stubborn? Please clarify what you mean by “coping” and “finding a common language” - what exactly are you not coping with? This behavior is typical for many two-year-old children, but on the other hand, the child is indeed “difficult.” That is, there are no pronounced problems, the child just requires a lot of attention (whims, waking up at night, potty) and you already want him to outgrow this as soon as possible?

06 Mar 2016

Alena Averina

Thanks for the answer!
I take great care of my child’s health. While I am avoiding closed spaces with children (kindergarten, clubs), I am going to get the necessary vaccinations this summer, but only under the supervision of good specialists. Initially, the maternity hospital was diverted from BCG because there was severe jaundice (due to a blood group conflict).
Then I didn’t do it because I wasn’t ready and I was afraid. Now I have come to the conclusion that this is necessary (for the garden and communication), but I will approach it wisely. The neurologist last looked at me a year ago.
My husband and I have the only child so far, but I am now in the first trimester. I gave birth at 35 years old, now I am almost 37, my husband is 39. Unfortunately, my husband and I have different positions in education: I try to be strict , I keep my promises, but my husband works a lot and spends a minimum of time with the child, tries to indulge him in everything and can give, for example, the child raw smoked sausage, just so that he doesn’t cry.
The child is sensitive, easily excitable, and very stubborn. If he asked for something and was refused, he might fall on the floor and be hysterical. If he doesn’t want to get dressed, then even my husband and I can’t dress him—it’s hysterical. Sometimes I can’t stand it, I start raising my voice and I can spank him on the butt. But in the end it doesn't help. He dictates terms to us and it is almost impossible to persuade or convince him.
The most important thing for me is to understand how not to harm or turn him into a “difficult” child? Is it possible to scold or is now the time when you just need to do as he wants? The child screams endlessly, and there is no such thing as without any meaning. He demands attention, wants to get what he wants.
I would also like to understand about the pacifier and night feeding - is this normal? Now it is not possible to wean him off the pacifier, since sometimes it is the only thing that can calm him down.

I don't work. The child does not see his grandmothers or relatives, only me and my husband.

09 Mar 2016

Hello Anna!

Such behavior, whims, hysterics, may have some kind of organic basis, that is, subtle health problems, from the description it is difficult for me to guess whether there is something like that here or not, and I am not a doctor. If I'm not mistaken, by the age of 3, a child should undergo a medical examination, including a visit to a neurologist - use this to ask questions about excitability, capriciousness, sensitivity, and difficulties in potty training. If there are any medical problems, then they need to be corrected; without this, psychological work will not be very effective. If not, well, thank God.

It may also be due to temperamental characteristics. Are you and your husband like your son in terms of excitability, sensitivity, or are you more phlegmatic? If this is such a temperament, then you can’t do much about it, you need to adapt and use your strengths (and there are many of them).

And, finally, all this can be layered with the peculiarities of upbringing, relationships in the family, and the like - this is exactly what the psychologist deals with, and I will dwell on this in more detail.
At 2 years old, for a child, on the one hand, constancy, predictability of the world, stable boundaries are important - this is how the child feels safe.
On the other hand, his personality is already beginning to awaken in him, he understands that he has his own desires, and begins to assert himself through the word “no.” And test the boundaries you set for strength.
On the third hand, he remains a small child who needs adults to manage him, make decisions and be responsible for him.
And if we compare this with what you write, then I can assume that my son lacks benevolent firmness and stability of boundaries. He tries to command you, but cannot cope with such a load.
Why might you (and I mean both of you, you and your husband) have difficulty setting boundaries? Perhaps it is difficult for you personally to combine, let’s call it that, the “motherly” role - unconditional love, understanding and forgiveness, with, relatively speaking, the “fatherly” role - establishing rules, laws and teaching them. In addition, you are simply tired of being with a child around the clock, and such a naughty one at that. And your husband may not be up to it at all with his busy work schedule.
What to do? Still, decide together with your husband what you will insist on, what rules for your son (and all family members). Let them be few, but they must be solid.
Here, probably, the most difficult thing is to come to an agreement with your husband... You can understand him, because he wants to relax after work, and not set rules of behavior.
Try to make the environment around the child as predictable, simple and understandable as possible.
And yet, it seemed to me that you are a responsible mother and... a little anxious. This is quite natural for women who become mothers at a not very young age. But the baby can perceive this anxiety in the “spinal cord” and also become nervous because of this. If the assumption about your anxiety “responses” to you, then you can talk about it.

So, I’ll put all the recommendations together again.
1. Rule out the possibility of neurological disorders.
2. Don't let your child boss you around. You are the parents, you make the rules.
3. Let these rules be few, only what is really necessary. But if possible, do not deviate from them.
4. For the rest, give your son the opportunity to express his will.
5. Try to find a common line in education with your husband. Perhaps you will cancel some of your demands, and he will come to the conclusion that he needs to be firmer.
6. If you feel that you are too worried about your son, deal with this feeling so as not to “infect” the baby with it.

Patience to you :)

10 Mar 2016

Alena Averina

Thank you for the answer!
My husband and I are temperamental people, quick-tempered. We often quarrel at home and often insult each other in front of the child. This is due to fatigue and my “trappedness.” Now we are working on the relationship, since we have already reached the point of talking about divorce. How does this traumatize the child? He does not react in any way during quarrels and remains calm in appearance.

Yes, as far as my anxiety is concerned, this is exactly the case. I am both responsible and anxious at the same time. I am afraid of the most unexpected reactions to invasive intervention, for example, anaphylactic shock. I am afraid of vasoconstrictors and can stay up half the night watching the child’s reaction to these drops. I am afraid that I will not be able to act adequately and will succumb to hysteria, fear, that I will not be able to quickly navigate and help. My fears resulted in obsessive-compulsive disorder, which is hard to live with. But I'm trying to help myself.
Yesterday I had difficulty dressing the child for a walk, he cried and I had to force him to dress him, since he had not walked for 2 days. But after going outside, half an hour later he took off his hat and I had to take him home, since it was impossible to put it back on, or at least the hood. It’s impossible to persuade, it’s a categorical “no.”
What to do if you can’t act against his will, forcefully dress him?

15 Mar 2016

Good afternoon, Anna!
In relationships with children, as in any other, sometimes we have to face the fact that all our efforts are in vain. The child does not want to go for a walk. Here you need to decide how important it is for you that he still walks, and what “influence measures” you are ready to use. Sometimes we just have to come to terms with the fact that a child is a different person, he may not want something, he may be stubborn, and we cannot do anything about it using any acceptable methods.
There are no ready-made recipes here; education is the art of walking the line, finding balance, improvising, listening to the situation. Should you stand your ground or let go? When to reconsider the rules once established? It depends on your views, values, your character.
In itself, the fact that the baby has not walked for two days is not scary. But then a chorus of “inner voices” enters, saying... what? Maybe, “I spoiled the child, look, he doesn’t listen,” or “Lord, I should go out for a walk myself, I’m already going crazy here within these four walls,” or “the child is supposed to go for a walk every day, and I, such and such a mother, I’m not home, I don’t provide him with satisfaction of his needs,” etc.
Listen to yourself, what are you worried about when your child doesn’t listen?

15 Mar 2016

Natalia1970

Hello. Alyona.
Sorry. that I'm interfering.
It’s just that my daughter-in-law, or whatever my brother’s wife is called, had a very similar situation. Their two-year-old son was an exact copy of your baby. It seemed to me then that they unnecessarily indulged all the whims of their child. He literally forced his parents with screams and hysterics to do as he wanted. My husband and I looked at each other in bewilderment, and our relatives kept asking us for advice. I shrugged my shoulders when my daughter-in-law asked questioningly for help. I just didn’t know what to do...In the end, everything was resolved. As they say, no matter what a child enjoys, as long as it doesn’t cry. We decided that since the little man had a bad character, there was no point in spoiling our nerves. And, you know, he outgrew this moment. Now he is already six and no one can believe that he is the same capricious one that was before. Sorry again. This is not advice...It’s just a remark...And, I wish you health and patience. Everything will be fine.

15 Mar 2016

Well, yes, two years is the age of stubbornness. A personality hatches and this personality tries to turn everything in its own way :) This crisis will pass, and the child will again become more or less obedient. The main thing is for parents to survive this age)

16 Mar 2016

Alena Averina

Thank you for your participation, Natalia 1970! I'll wait for it to grow!

Ekaterina, thank you very much for your comments. I got the point.

18 Mar 2016

Elena.

Alena Averina, good afternoon. When the psychologists gave their recommendations, I really wanted to tell you how it was with us. Because everything was exactly the same with us.

I gave birth at 34 years old and this is my first child, so I understand you very well)

You are as anxious as I am. I was afraid of everything, but mommy, something needs to be done about this. I’ll tell you exactly what you’re thinking about - that’s what will happen. And you need, first of all, to overcome your fears and become calmer. We have fear psychologists (contact them). You know that a calm mother means a calm baby)

Ekaterina said everything correctly that it is necessary to come to an agreement with her husband (just not in front of the child). Smoked sausage is the most harmful thing for the baby. Let him read its composition or just go to the children's pediatrician and ask everything about nutrition) Dads are like that. In most cases, they don’t bother with eating, dressing, and so on) Discuss with your husband what’s wrong and what’s wrong. Find a compromise)

A visit to a neurologist is necessary. Does your son fall asleep with his fists clenched?

We started speaking short phrases only at 2.6. My son also refused to get dressed, starting from infancy and now he is 6 years old. But getting dressed is a problem for him. But! I have already stopped treating this problem as anxiously as you do now)

How I dressed the child for a walk:

1. If your baby walks around naked, then look for positive advantages in this. A boy I know has been walking around in shorts and a T-shirt at home since he was 1 year old. Since he was 2 years old, he has never been sick! At the same time, he attends kindergarten! So consider that you can begin the hardening period, if, of course, this is possible in your conditions. Here you can read how to harden a child. The Nikitins are experts in this.

2. Our children do not like anything that hugs or squeezes them. These are features of the nervous system. That's how sensitive they are. Instead of tights, you can buy long johns that are less tight. All turtleneck sweaters are in the trash. The hat should not be tight. You can buy a hat with a neckline; oddly enough, they don’t feel as tight as a turtleneck. The best thing to do is to give your child a choice.

Shall we go for a walk on this hill or that one? This one? Then what pants will you wear? These or those? These. Fine. Let's get dressed. What about the hat? And so on.

My son became hysterical so much that it could be heard at the other end of Moscow. I was also very worried. But then I learned to be calm.

Now I don’t react to the child’s whims unless it hurts, is dangerous or the child is not hungry. In other cases, I take my son out the door and throw as much hysteria as you want. The same applies to the street and shops. We react to crying only when it is necessary. The son must understand that he will not achieve anything by hysterics, but it takes time to set boundaries. And don’t worry about other people looking at you and thinking something. These people cannot live with you.. If you indulge him, then it will be more difficult to cope with. I also bought him a ball, a large one, on which he can take out his anger. Beat him. Kick. Children also have the right to be angry and in a bad mood.

Just always imagine the situation. You are sitting and playing, but then a giant comes who wants to stuff you into an uncomfortable suit and feed you when you don’t want to. Wouldn't you like it? So the child doesn’t like it, but how can he express his opinion if not with hysterics? After all, at 2 years old he still doesn’t speak, but he wants so much and can’t do just as much.

And it’s better not to prohibit, but say that it’s possible)

Just yesterday there was a situation. I bought a Kinder for my son and offered to eat it at home, because it’s ugly outside and you might drop it, but my son chose to eat it now, because it’s such a long wait to get home and.. He dropped it. Hysteria began. I sympathized with him, “actively listened,” but I didn’t buy a new kinder, because he must be responsible for his choice himself. In the evening we, of course, discussed this situation.

Take care of yourself and your nervous system) Healthy mother - healthy baby)
And love will fix everything. This is the hardest thing to hug and talk to a baby when he is angry and furious and tell him that you still love him)