Very often there are situations when you find out about someone's betrayal. But is it worth telling your friend that the cheater is her husband?

It is very difficult to have information on which the fate of other people depends. You and your close friend can become a hostage in such a situation. Imagine that you find out that your husband is cheating on his friend. She constantly paints you an ideal picture of her family, and you understand that this is a deep misconception. The topic is very delicate and before making any decision, it is necessary to correctly analyze the current situation.

My husband is cheating on his friend: does your friend need the bitter truth?

Each situation is individual. If one woman benefits from the disclosure of such a secret, then another, on the contrary, is better off in the dark. By interfering in someone else's family, you automatically become a participant in further events. On the one hand, to remain silent means to betray friendship, on the other hand, to tell and destroy family relationships. What to do - remain silent or tell? How to properly present unpleasant news and maintain understanding with a friend? Let's try to consider various options for the development of events.

• Your friend never tires of praising her husband, but he is far from perfect? She blindly and endlessly trusts him, and he treacherously cheats on her? You accidentally learn about the adventures of an exemplary family man and pangs of conscience rob you of peace. Your further actions are quite predictable.
• You are trying to put yourself in her shoes. Such thoughts will not lead you to the right decision. All people are different. What is good for you is not good for others. By maintaining friendly relations, you can certainly find an opportunity to find out your friend’s exact attitude towards male infidelity.
• At the next meeting, tell the situation about a third unfamiliar person in a similar situation. Talk about male infidelity like a movie plot. Ask your friend's point of view. She would like to know about her husband's betrayal. Perhaps she prefers to be in the dark and thereby save the family. Your story must be compelling and thoughtful. Otherwise, you risk being exposed. Don't give your friend the opportunity to suspect something is wrong.

Having heard your friend’s opinion, you will clearly understand the further development of events after the announcement of the unpleasant news. If children suffer as a result of revealing the secret, then remorse will be replaced by worries about your children’s fates. Are you mentally prepared to destroy the family of someone you care about?

My husband is cheating on his girlfriend: in what cases is it better to remain silent?

If you are not completely sure that you are right or have only superficial information about what husband cheating on girlfriend, then do not rush to voice your suspicions. Phrases like “it seems to me”, “someone said”, “there are rumors” are absolutely inappropriate in this situation. Before sowing distrust between spouses, try to verify the veracity of the information.

The unconvincingness of your words will immediately call female friendship into question. Moreover, your spouse can help keep your communication with your friend to a minimum. If there is nothing to back up your words, then a man can easily make you out to be a liar.

• Some women prefer to pretend that everything is fine and not notice obvious things. Everyone around him already knows about the man’s adventures, but his girlfriend still idealizes him.
• Focusing only on the positive qualities of her husband, she is sure that nothing threatens their family. Are you unable to watch how someone close to you is deeply mistaken and decide to bring her husband to the “clean” water? Are you sure that in this way you will do your friend a big favor?
• But the reaction of a loving woman is unpredictable. Be prepared for your friend to turn away from you. If it is vitally important for her to save her family at all costs, then she will most likely forgive her husband. And you will become an unnecessary reminder for her of male infidelity.

If you notice that your friend’s husband is not very careful in his adventures “to the left,” then do not rush to get ahead of events. Let your friend notice the obvious things herself.

What should push you to tell you that your husband is cheating on your friend?

Having communicated with a friend for a long time, you should already know her life principles. If you are sure that she will never come to terms with betrayal and lies, then be sure that no one will appreciate your silence. In this case, in order to maintain friendship, you need to be honest both to yourself and to the person you care about.

• If your friend’s husband is not just going “on the left”, but has been in a constant relationship with another woman for a long period of time, then this is a serious reason for a frank conversation. Especially if your friend makes drastic decisions regarding family life.
• You cannot sacrifice children, career, or health for such a man. If you wish your friend well, you must warn her against her husband’s treacherous attitude. Given this state of affairs, there is no confidence in the future.
• According to psychologists, “choose the lesser of two evils.” Analyze in which case your friend’s life will turn out better, then you will definitely understand whether to say or remain silent about your husband’s infidelity. Prepare yourself for various scenarios. Your friend's reaction should not take you by surprise.
• One possible reaction if husband cheating on girlfriend- This is a denial of what was heard. Your friend will try in every possible way to justify her husband to you. She will say “you are confused,” and that “my husband loves me madly.” In this case, the attitude towards you will change sharply from mercy to anger. You will end up being a gossip or a liar. Your friend will even think that you are vying for her ideal husband.

• In another case, your friend will listen to you and immediately begin to sort things out with her spouse. In the future, divorce and loneliness will most likely follow. Your task is not to push your loved one to take certain steps. You can only talk about your husband’s betrayal; she must make all other decisions herself. In this situation, be prepared for the fact that over time you will be blamed for all the misfortunes. A desperate friend will say that it was you who destroyed her happiness.
• In rare cases, a friend will adequately perceive the news you tell her and will try with all her might to improve family relationships. Perhaps she will be able to find understanding with her husband and save the family.
• In this case, it will be very difficult for you to communicate with this couple in the future. For your husband, you will definitely join the ranks of the enemy. Your friend will most likely also move away from you over time. Remaining to live with the traitor, she gives her husband a primary place in her life.
• Another scenario could be sincere gratitude from your friend. She will be able to understand how difficult it was for you to decide to take this action. Thanks to your support, she will have the strength to start living again and change her circumstances for the better.

Psychologists say that in most families in which male infidelity occurs, women prefer to forgive than to divorce. With this development of events, there is a high probability of the end of strong female friendships. Therefore, if it is vital for you to maintain friendship, then between the options remain silent or say that husband cheating on girlfriend give preference to the first.

Video: Should you tell your friend about your husband’s cheating?

He's cheating on your friend. You know this for sure because her husband himself told you about it or you have other, truly irrefutable facts. Is it worth having a confidential conversation with a friend and revealing the truth about her partner? Spoiler: don't talk about cheating. Psychoanalyst Anastasia Mostovskaya discusses a really difficult topic and gives the right advice.

What to do?

So, just a few hours ago you found out that your friend’s husband (or boyfriend) cheated on her. Of course, the first thing you want to do is call your friend and set up a meeting for the near future, at which you will reveal the whole truth. Take your time.

1. Answer yourself the main question:

Are you sure there was cheating?

If your friend’s husband told you about his infidelity to you personally, then you simply do not have the right to reveal his secret. This is his personal matter and has nothing to do with you, despite the fact that he is in a relationship with your girlfriend.

If you learned about the betrayal from third parties or somehow became a witness, then you will most likely begin to be tormented by a feeling of guilt. You will analyze this situation again and again and feel like a traitor, because before you have never had secrets from your friend.

2. Analyze why you want to tell your friend this information

Remember that you are violating her personal boundaries

 If there was an agreement between you that under any circumstances it is worth talking about men’s infidelities, then feel free to act. But if your friend never asked you for “rescue,” then you are simply violating her personal boundaries. Firstly, there is a possibility that she is aware of his infidelities, and secondly, she (like any other person) is not ready to let third parties into the territory of her relationship with a man. In 90 situations out of 100, women forgive the betrayal and stop communicating with the friend who told about this incident.

 Are you sure you want to take on the role of a rescuer and then a monster?

Yes, you are sad that her man turned out to be a traitor. Are you ready to take on the role of the bearer of bad news and then save your friend? Accept the fact that she will not want to solve this problem, and perhaps she will fall into severe depression, from which only a psychologist will help her get out. In addition, the negativity from betrayal will be projected onto you - onto the person who told about it and became a kind of “monster” that destroyed the idyll.

3. Talk to your friend or her husband about the relationship

Find out what's really bothering her

Talk to her about her relationship with her husband, and then give her some really good advice - refer her to a relationship expert or psychoanalyst. This way you can take the blame off yourself and show greater care for the person you really care about.

If her husband told you about the affair, talk to him

He has already entrusted you with his secret, which means he will be ready to hear your opinion and accept your advice. Discuss the current situation with him, advise him to work on the relationship and, again, share the contacts of the psychologist. Do not take on the role of peacemaker, because this is the most thankless task.

Personal experience

Editorial staff member

“I told my friend about her man’s betrayal in a personal meeting. We had a really sincere and confidential conversation, she cried a lot and was quite determined to leave him. But a week after our dialogue, she stopped communicating with me, and then again entered into a relationship with him. I remained in this extreme situation, almost a traitor.”

The situation in which you find out that your close friend's husband or boyfriend is cheating on her is quite sensitive. Especially if from the outside their relationship seems very happy, and the woman herself idolizes her chosen one. Should I tell her about this? And how to support a loved one who finds out about cheating?

You learned about treason: how to behave

You can find out about the adventures of your friend’s husband or boyfriend from various sources of information. You may see her partner on the street with another woman, or hear about it from a mutual friend. The first thing to do is to understand whether this is really a betrayal.

Perhaps the man simply went out for coffee with a colleague or met his cousin.

You definitely shouldn’t run to your girlfriend with unverified information - you risk looking stupid and unreasonably ruining other people’s relationships.

If you are sure that your friend’s partner is definitely cheating on her, then you should think it over. Assess whether she would like to know about it herself.

If you don't know this, try talking to a friend. Tell her that you've heard rumors that some friend's husband is cheating on you, and ask her opinion whether it's worth telling about it.

Try not to be nervous when talking, otherwise your girlfriend will understand that there is something fishy here and you are talking about her. Based on her opinion, conclusions need to be drawn.

There are cases when a woman prefers “not to see” her husband’s adventures, while her friends are actively discussing this. Everyone has their own motives - some do not want to lose relationships, well-being. Here it is worth assessing the consequences - it is unlikely that you will receive gratitude by opening your friend’s eyes.

Such exposure can cause separation. If your friend’s husband or boyfriend does not hide his infidelity, you should not rush into revelations, since the woman will sooner or later find out the truth.

If you know for sure that this friend is a person who loves the truth and simply hates deception, then you should definitely tell her. Otherwise, having learned about infidelity from other sources, she will blame not only her spouse, but you too.

You should not remain silent if your girlfriend’s chosen one has illegitimate children, or you know that her boyfriend is married. Before making a decision, you need to take into account the character and situation, assess the possible consequences.

Is it possible to say and what kind of reaction to expect?

Of course, you immediately want to open the eyes of a loved one to the unpleasant truth. But there are a number of arguments why this should not be done. Bringing not the best news, you may unwittingly become the person your girlfriend will avoid.

This happens when a woman herself realizes that her partner is cheating on her, but continues to be with him. Realizing that you are aware of this unpleasant situation, she may begin to move away from you, especially if she continues to live with her cheater.

There is no uniquely correct solution. Having assessed all the pros and cons, the possible consequences, think about whether to speak or not.

Of course, it would be more correct to say, especially if your friend hates lies. But consider what her reaction might be.

The type of women we have already mentioned, who do not want to notice their partner’s betrayal, are unlikely to take your words seriously and will be grateful for them. There are also situations when a girlfriend simply does not want to believe in the fact of affairs and may accuse you of wanting to ruin her relationship. She may also become hysterical, and you need to understand how to calm her down when she has a breakdown..

The news may come as a shock to your friend, and she may react with distrust - first of all, in you. The likely turn of events is that if the partners stay together, you will become an outcast for this couple.

If their relationship breaks down, they may begin to blame you for it. This is a kind of defensive reaction. Reactions vary, so be prepared for any eventuality..

And one moment. Often ladies who decide to convey this news argue that they do not want to offend their friend by remaining silent. In fact, the fact that you kept silent rarely comes up.

If it is opened, then first the spouses will sort out the relationship between themselves. AND If you ultimately decide not to talk about what you know, don't tell anyone else about it either.. Later, if a woman decides to introduce you to her family relationship, you can support her.

If your friend finds out about the betrayal, the correct reaction on your part is important. She needs your support. Listen to the following recommendations from experts:

• At first she may be in shock and not believe that what is happening is real.. At this time, you need to try to be close. If a person does not want to talk, there is no need to try to bring him into dialogue: let him think, sort out the thoughts in his head.
• No need to rush to give advice. Yes, you have the right to believe that you need to leave this scoundrel as soon as possible. But this is not your life, and the decision is not for you to make, so give advice only if you are asked for it, and then unobtrusively.
• If your girlfriend has been depressed for a long time, try to distract her and entertain her.. Go to some events with her, take her in company - do everything so that she is minimally left alone with her bad thoughts.
• Ask how you can be useful. The woman must say for herself what support she needs, and then you will provide it to her.
• People experience differently. Your friend may do this sharply, react with resentment, misunderstanding, or even aggression. Everyone has a right to feelings. Let the person live them, and you just be there and show that you are not angry. Try not to leave your friend alone and provide maximum support.
• It is important for people experiencing personal shock to talk about what happened, to say their emotions and experiences out loud. Empathy is simply about listening. Psychologists advise not to give advice, but simply to listen, to be a “vest.”
• There is a category of people who need to be alone in difficult situations. If a friend says that she does not want any contact, there is no need to get into her soul with the best intentions. Let the person be alone, think about everything, but make it clear that you are nearby and will definitely help if necessary.
• If problems in your relationship with your husband have caused deep depression that has lasted for several months or more, You should advise your friend to see a psychologist, because she risks ruining her life.

To be honest, I don’t even know where to start. I found myself in a rather difficult situation, and I don’t know how to get out of it! The thing is that I recently started a little affair. I know that many will judge me, but I really need advice! I have been married for a long time and have a wonderful family. But one day I met a man, and I couldn’t resist. It was like an electric shock! I haven't felt this way for a long time! In general, I began an affair. I couldn't help myself! I was simply drawn to him! I know that what I did was not nice towards my husband, but I couldn’t stop!

And then, a couple of months later, my friend found out about everything. You know, when this happened, I thought she would take my side. After all, we have been friends with her for many years, and we have always shared everything! She was a close person to me. I considered her my sister! But despite all this, she behaved completely unexpectedly. She started reproaching me and reproaching me! I don't know why she did this! I didn't expect this! A friend began to tell me that I was not behaving nicely, that I shouldn’t do this, and so on. She reproached me and pitied my husband. Like, how could you do this, why are you hurting him, and so on. I know all this myself, but why does she care so much about it? Why did my friend decide to teach me? I just don’t understand!

Yes, I know that I am not acting honestly, and my husband will be very hurt by my betrayal. But I never expected such behavior from my friend! I understand that perhaps my husband will find out about everything someday. And I know what will happen next! But now, I just don't want to think about it! What will happen will happen! Why rush things? Nobody knows what awaits us in the future! Perhaps my romance will simply end and everything will remain in the past. My husband may never find out about my infidelity. Why ruin everything on purpose now?

It would be great if it was just a matter of reproaches! Something completely different struck me. The fact is that a friend said that I had to tell my husband everything! I don’t understand, why does she care? That's it! Tell me everything, tell me everything! Our conversation turned into an argument. I just didn’t recognize my adopted sister! This is my own business! Why is she climbing? I specifically didn’t tell her about my affair because I didn’t want such conversations. And now I have to listen to all this! And most importantly, at the end of our conversation, she told me that if I don’t tell my husband about everything myself, then she will! Just imagine! That's why she interferes and why does she need it? Does she want to destroy my family or what? I understand that it’s my own fault, but that’s not the question now. How can I convince my friend not to tell her husband about my cheating? Already my head hurts from all this.