A year after the betrayal, things got worse. A year after the betrayal. Julia: “About six months after the betrayal, my husband had an emergency at work and he lost everything”

After a husband’s betrayal, most families do not separate, but continue to coexist. What can you do, our women are taught from childhood that it is better to forgive than to accumulate hatred within themselves. But in fact, most often it happens that two years or even more have passed after the adultery, and you are still blown away. Therefore, it is worth talking about how to live after your husband’s betrayal.

When is it worth forgiving and moving on, and when is it not necessary?

Much depends on whether the husband has truly repented or is just pretending. They rarely truly repent. This can be determined by the fact that he himself admits the fact of his betrayal. In addition, he is tolerant of jealousy, which his wife will definitely have. He tells in detail why he stayed late at his job and tolerates any interrogation, he allows you to read text messages on his phone, and so on. He will treat you with care and cherish you.

If the traitor’s repentance is ostentatious, he will have the same tears and assurances of fidelity, but there is one point. In two years, or maybe in five years, but everything will return to normal and the walker will again follow other people’s women. Such a person is unlikely to tolerate control and jealousy, and this will be noticeable immediately. Is it possible to live with such a person? It's possible if you don't love yourself. It’s better to end such relationships immediately.

You can, of course, threaten divorce and even file documents right away, this will rein him in, but if he is unfaithful in himself, run. Or endure it all your life.

How to start living immediately after cheating

It will take the two of us to resume life. To do this, here's what you can do.

Firstly, it is the spouse who has been out for a walk who must take the initiative for reconciliation. Don’t be shy about saying out loud the real reasons for conflicts or betrayal. This will help identify your problems and scope of work.

Secondly, be sure to formalize your reconciliation in writing and comply with all points of this agreement.

Your next task is to relieve stress after such an unpleasant event. This can be done through a celebration associated with reconciliation, buying new rings, or a honeymoon if you haven’t had one. You can get married if you haven't already. There are other options such as:

  • Your professional photo shoot;
  • Hike;
  • Doing something extreme.

The main thing is to knock out a wedge with a wedge and replace the negative emotion with something else, but positive.
The next point is a little more complicated. For the next two years (or a year), you do not remind each other of the betrayal. Just archive this tragedy. Grinding over this situation only fuels the memories, and negative memories drain our energy.

In addition, you endlessly clone them, which means you create the possibility of a repetition of the tragedy. If you find it difficult to get out of these memories, a psychotherapist can help you. You can try different types of psychotherapy: thanatotherapy, dance therapy and many others.

There are many modern methods of dealing with negative memories, but your task is to give them to the past, which no longer exists. Also, you should not constantly share this misfortune with others. Still, burying her with a psychotherapist is more effective.

The third point is also important. Both of you, if you indulge in this, should stop flirting in virtual reality and virtual sex with a stranger. Virtual betrayal is just as negative and painful as real betrayal.

Next point. If over the years of family life you have not found common goals, now is the ideal time for them. For men, unlike their wives, the family is not an end in itself, so you need to live with something else in common. Know that all men are divided into several categories according to their goals:

  • Hero (aka officer). In wartime, his career is important to him; in peacetime, children and a prosperous life are important to him. Such people often perform feats such as extreme activities or actively engage in sports;
  • Careerist. His goal is a good reputation and increasing his social status, as well as building a career for his entire family;
  • Businessman. Everything is clear here;
  • Common man. Its goal is simple - comfort during relaxation, work in the garage, barbecue, football, sofa, cottage. They love to work with their hands, but effort in life is not their thing;
  • Informal. He is simply a rebel, opposing himself to the whole world. These are often big teenagers;
  • Creative. The goal is self-realization in art;
  • Playboy. He just loves the beautiful life and extreme sports. It is better not to get involved with such people at all, because in their lives there is crime, and a craving for suppression and domestic tyranny. If he does not realize himself, he becomes an ordinary drone husband or an alcoholic.

So, their goals are your goals too. Support a creative person and create conditions for him to create, play sports with a hero, follow football life with an ordinary person, etc. They are unlikely to exchange such a wife for a new one with other goals.

Point five. There should be complete financial transparency in the family. Often, betrayal is provoked not so much by sexual activity or instinct as by extra money. No, you don’t need to go into your wallet and monitor all of its finances. The following rules are enough:

  • You should know each other's income figures;
  • Any large purchases can be made only with the absolute consent of both halves;
  • Agree on a limit on the money you both spend on entertainment and personal care, as well as on leisure activities separately from each other;
  • Plan your budget weekly and monthly.

Point six. Give up being a homebody and live actively together outside your apartment. Today there are so many hobby options that you are sure to find something interesting to do together. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s an extreme sport or pigeon breeding. Do this at least once every seven days and you definitely won’t get bored. Well, look for friends with the same interests. The presence or absence of money in the family should not affect this in any way either. It is important that children are also involved in this hobby. By the way, this also has a good effect on intimate activity.

Point seven. It is important for you to work on regulating the amount of conflict in your couple. Without them, the family also does not develop, but you can agree on a couple of minor conflicts per month and one serious one, no more. You can fine each other if this limit is exceeded.

You should not quarrel in front of your relatives, when going out in public places, in front of your friends and guests, after drinking alcohol and before one of you goes to a crowded place alone.

In addition, you cannot use offensive words and remember past family mistakes, scold each other’s relatives or friends, change the forms of addressing your partner when arguing and say that this is the last quarrel. Well, of course, it is prohibited to use violence in a conflict, as well as after (or during a conflict) to flirt with someone out of spite.

Point eight. Even if you don’t have a hobby, try to spend your free time together. Are you busy with work and difficulties all week, and on the weekends you go to see parents and friends who are not in common? Then he will definitely change more than once.

On weekends and holidays, you should work on peace of mind in your family, and not run away. This is the only way you can communicate with your other half in an interesting and sincere way, and this is one of the pillars of a friendly family.

Be sure to call back when you leave work and let them know you are heading home. When you return, be sure to take a shower to remove all the negativity of the past day.

Do not start communication in the evening after work with negativity at home and with criticism. It's better to discuss all this after dinner. Well, be sure to discuss common topics with each other, be it mutual friends, football, world events, etc. Do this at least four to five times a week.

Laugh together. This is point eight, by the way. You can do it without a TV or computer in a comedy club on YouTube. Just remember funny situations in life, ridiculous stories that happened to you, etc. Laughter prolongs family life. Laugh daily and you will see each other as a source of positivity. If you have talent, make each other laugh.

Try to spend one hour (or half) together in the absence of children. It is not easy for men to constantly contact them, even though they love their sons or daughters no less than their wives. It’s good if you keep your baby occupied with something for at least thirty minutes, while you lie down on the sofa and talk to each other. If the child is very young, do this while he is sleeping.

It is also important to establish relationships with people around your family after betrayal. Let your children see that you are doing well. To do this, you can show tenderness to each other in front of them, hug or kiss. Let your husband’s mother rejoice that you are improving your husband’s life and taking care of him. Try to make your relationship with his parents warm.

Another important people are the company of the husband. Don't quarrel if his friends don't suit you. These are his brothers and like-minded people. Can you suggest an alternative? Of course, it doesn't have to be your beautiful friends. Better get to know other families and spend time together periodically. Don’t become isolated in each other, otherwise he will definitely want to go to the left.

And finally, change yourself and experiment with your appearance. Let him think that he sleeps with different women, and not with one for many years.

All of the above does not mean that all the work of establishing life after betrayal lies only with you. But know that any husband needs a muse, otherwise it’s boring.

Living together after your husband’s betrayal is no good. Every woman who has faced betrayal from her husband knows this. The first thought is to save the family. But how? Forgive? Resign yourself? What if neither one nor the other helps?

Then how to live after your husband’s betrayal? It is difficult to give advice in such a situation. To understand whether the good deed of saving a marriage is preparing a new trap, you need to sort everything out.

Is family life even possible after betrayal?

From childhood we are taught to forgive, not to accumulate resentment.

But no one tells how to turn a blind eye to the infidelities of a husband who continues to “go to the left” and does not repent.

Absolution of sins to a convinced reveler will lead to only one thing - to the legitimization of his adventures. He will perceive the forgiveness his wife has suffered through as her surrender. Keeping him after this will be as impossible as answering the question: how to live after the betrayal of a husband who was actually given a “ticket to fornication”?

The husband who has received a hasty indulgence will not think about saving the family. He will have another problem: how many women is it more convenient for him to have on the side - two, three or a whole harem?

What are the risks of living together after cheating?

Not a single woman can forget deception and betrayal. Having forgiven her husband in her mind, she will not be able to carry out the same “operation” in her heart. This means that she cannot avoid attacks of jealousy and spying on the unfaithful.

Often, family life after betrayal turns into real torture for both spouses. She will be overcome by suspicions about any reason: why did he put on a new shirt? who called him at night? where did you sharpen your skis on your day off? He, too, will suffer, feeling like a loser, out of trust and forced to make excuses for every little thing.

It is a rare married couple that can withstand this pressure.

More often than not, a woman’s patience runs out. She becomes the initiator of the breakup.

Less often, a man gives in to domestic “totalitarianism”: realizing that nothing good is ahead, he abandons his family.

Women should know that cheating men are divided into two types: those who truly repent and those who demonstrate a sense of guilt. Let's first consider the first type of cheating husbands.

Life after the betrayal of a truly repentant husband

Let us immediately note: such a phenomenon is rather an exception than a rule. Such men immediately admit the fact of betrayal. True, even they usually need an encouraging kick from their wife in the form of a threat of divorce.

The more clearly a woman expresses the reality of her intention, the more actively the offender will earn his second chance.

This is manifested in touching tolerance towards a jealous wife: detailed reports about delays at work, an imperturbable attitude towards “biased interrogations”, and meek provision of access to SMS.

With such super-loyalty of a man, the opportunity to preserve the marriage bond is quite real. There is only one catch: how to live after the betrayal of a husband who truly repented, but ten years later he was again caught committing adultery? This happens, unfortunately, often.

Many women, having a positive experience of forgiveness, are in no hurry to kick out their spouse in this situation. The dramatic situation of the second betrayed wife is brightened up by memories of the “best years” lived after the first betrayal. After all, the repentant husband cared for and took care of her like no one else. In addition, in ten years, children raised in a complete and prosperous family have grown up.

Life after the betrayal of her husband, who demonstratively repented

A man's ostentatious feeling of guilt is very similar to a sincere one. The same tears and kisses of hands, the same oath that “this won’t happen again,” the same tirade on the topic “I’m with you - what kind of proof do you, fool, still need?”

The only difference is that the show-offer at heart will not change. It is not necessary that immediately after the revelation he will go on dates. Some wisely lay low until the storm subsides.

But there is no doubt: after some time everything will return to normal again. But such a man will not tolerate attacks of his wife’s jealousy and allow himself to be controlled.

He will either give up and leave, or start cheating openly, “legalizing” his passion on the side. At the same time, the cheater can become abusive to such an extent that he refuses to divorce his unhappy wife, insisting on having a bed relationship with her. For a ladies' man, sex with his wife is an additional source of energy and a way to strengthen self-esteem.

The woman will first try to put pressure on the malingerer’s pity and conscience. Then, seeing that admonitions have no effect on him, he will reconcile himself and begin to automatically forgive the deceiver, they say, if he gets over his rage, he will calm down.

Another possible scenario is also possible. It is typical of families where the man is not particularly arrogant. It’s easier for someone like this to go on a binge than to solve the dilemma: wife or mistress? In friendship with the green serpent, he gains illusory freedom.

The prospects for marriage in all the cases described are far from rosy. The only one who is able to break a vicious relationship is a mistress. To do this, she needs to be so decisive as to personally come for a weak-willed man, grab him in her arms and take him to her home.

Treason. Betrayal. These words sound like a bolt from the blue in family life. Quarrels, scandals, reproaches, accusations, ruined lives... Often the consequences of betrayal are exactly like this. But not everyone immediately gets divorced and throws the traitor’s things onto the stairwell. Finding the strength to understand and forgive - is it so easy and is there happiness after adultery?

Is it possible to forgive a husband’s betrayal and where to begin restoring the ruins of a marriage, say women who have experienced the betrayal of a loved one. Read 5 frank life stories where, after the betrayal of one of the spouses, the family was reunited.

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Catherine: “He can’t, he’s not like that!”

“Only now can I talk about this calmly, without wet eyes and a trembling voice. This is my personal path. Without him, I wouldn't be who I am today. I have 9 years of marriage behind me, prosperous and correct from all sides - for those around me. The eldest child is 8 years old, the 9th month of the second long-awaited (by me) pregnancy and... divorce. The world has collapsed. Abyss.

We met and got married while still students. We got an education together, advanced in our careers, bought an apartment and a car, raised our son, and went on vacation together every year. Our social status grew: from a college cadet he became the head of the regiment command post, from a student I became a leading economist-analyst in a large holding company. At one “wonderful” moment, I realized that my husband had a “new interest.” Guesses and suspicions multiplied, but were pushed deeper, manifesting themselves in claims, jealousy, growing anger and resentment. But since I chose someone special, the best, I convinced myself that he couldn’t, he’s not like that!

We had agreements back during the candy-bouquet period that if someone decides to leave, falls in love, he will be honest and admit it. After yet another “kink” from my husband, which I couldn’t find an explanation for and somehow adequately respond to due to raging hormones, I impulsively put his things out into the hallway, and out of emotion I announced a divorce. We began to communicate little, and even in these rare moments we blamed each other.

Then 2 nightmare weeks of living with us for supposed help with our daughter, his denial of the obvious, discovered correspondence, accusations, scandals, tears, conversations, requests to leave housing for us and the children, requests to talk to our son himself and tears, tears, tears... What am I experienced, it’s difficult to explain. I now remember myself with horror, my heart skips a beat with shame and fear, what thoughts I allowed then.

I drove myself into a corner. I wanted to talk about every day of my personal hell with any stranger, it seems to me that if people in the bread line asked why I was crying, I would dump my laundry to everyone.

This was my way of surviving grief - handing out my problem piece by piece, like random fellow travelers on a train, receiving a share of sympathy, a couple of kind words to say that everything would be fine.

For six months I constantly cried, looking for a means of subsistence. I handed over all my jewelry to the pawnshop and became familiar with secondary sales services - things, my own and my son’s, furniture, equipment. Everything that was personal to me is gone.

I started remote work part-time when my daughter was 4 months old, but she didn’t save me mentally, but took away my last strength.

Then I went to a psychologist and, after completing the course, I realized how important it is to find new opportunities in life for development, pleasure and inspiration. And then I discovered a revelation for myself - I love this man and I want to give him the opportunity to live this personal experience. I left this “wealth” to him, deciding to take with me only my personal life lesson, experience and the born desire to live differently. I started my journey with myself.

During this same time, many details of the husband’s affair surfaced, and many things became clear, understandable and logical. It didn't reduce the pain, it gave acceptance. I wanted to feel sorry for him and laugh at him, his stupidity, naivety, and inexperience. Slowly we began to build our relationship again. I am learning to accept his real, and not the prince I invented, he watches with surprise the birth of an adult woman. After 11.5 years of marriage, he calls me “my soul,” and we are expecting our third child.

Forgetting and forgiving are still two different things. The pain of betrayal is very deep, trust is undermined. And he knows it. I was able to voice it! I learn to speak in the family. I'm learning to just live. Looking back at the path I have traveled, I understand: I have already become different, I have become closer to my real self. I will persist and move on."

Elena: “One “beautiful” New Year’s Eve evening, my husband simply didn’t “arrive” from a business trip.”

“Our family life began like probably everyone else’s - love, love and love again. They lived happily with virtually no quarrels. The long-awaited daughter, then the son. Cares and troubles gradually began to take up more and more of our time. After the silver wedding, my feelings for my husband somehow cooled. He moved to another job - there was more money, but less time spent together. He apparently also lost interest in me, or maybe he just pulled away because he sensed my mood. Strange business trips of several days with a one-night (or day) stop home began to appear. Over time, he was not at home for weeks, and even if he was, there was no intimacy. I thought that the man got “tired” too early, and got used to the role of the “neighbor.” Three years passed like this.

And then one New Year’s Eve, my husband didn’t “arrive” from a business trip. I was very worried and called him constantly. But on the other end the subscriber was “out of reach.” I worried, cried, prayed. He called his daughter a week later and said that he was doing well and would be home soon. A couple of days later he came when I was alone at home and said that he wanted to live separately. My question about the woman received an affirmative answer. Then the phrase was said: “I don’t know, maybe I’m not needed there either.” To say it's a shock is an understatement. For several days I was simply in prostration. And then I realized how much I love this man.

Well, what can you do? Someone who wants to leave cannot be restrained by force. I called and asked for a meeting. When we met, she thanked him for the happily lived years together, asked for forgiveness for not being attentive enough to him, for not giving enough of her love. She said that I love him very much and if he ever returns, I will not reproach him with a word or a glance and will love him. The husband asked to give him time. About a month passed (we met periodically on everyday matters), and he returned. He asked me to forgive him.

Our relationship has reached a completely new level. We love each other, just as we did during our youth, only now consciously, and we treat it with reverence. I would wish my daughter such a husband. It was painful for the first year, but my husband’s attitude towards me greatly helped me survive and forget what happened. I keep my promise to my husband.

Why did I decide to stay in the relationship? I just love him. And we always lived well. No harsh words, no quarrels. Today you can count them on the fingers of one hand. I realized that I was very inattentive to my husband and probably showed some indifference towards him. My husband began to treat me with more tenderness and also became more attentive. I’m sure this won’t happen again.”

Irina: “Thanks to my husband’s betrayal, I got into shape”

“My husband is a military man, at one point he had to leave for a long time to another city. Dropping everything and wandering around garrisons with small children is not an option. He convinced me to stay in my hometown. Before leaving, we bought him an iPhone, and that’s where the story began. I had duplicates of his email correspondence. Purely by chance I saw it, and he didn’t even know about it.

One day I saw that he registered on a dating site and began chatting with some woman. I called him, deciding to dot all the i's. We had a very frank conversation, like a confession. He promised that he would tell me everything if I forgive him. And then I heard something that I never expected.

When I gave birth to my second daughter, I began to devote less time to him, I could not go to the city with him and relax. I trusted him and always let him go. And he met a girl younger than me, who eventually became pregnant by my husband. The mistress said that she would leave the child, but she did not need anything from my husband. He lived like this for a year, not knowing how to fix everything, so he happily left for another city. After this conversation, I simply passed out and woke up in the hospital.

From that day on, I cried all the time. At one point I realized that this couldn’t continue and decided to go into sports. I ran 15 km every day.

I loved him very much and still love him. A month later, I packed my suitcase and went to my husband; now my mother-in-law, who is like a mother to me, helps with the children. Now I am learning to live in a new way - to love myself and not forget about myself.

My attitude towards my husband has changed a little. Previously, I dissolved in him, lived his career and his life - and lost myself. I understand that it was my choice and my responsibility.

Now I don’t trust anyone and rely only on myself. He destroyed the world in which I lived, but reality is different. No one is sinless, and everyone can make mistakes - that’s what I decided and gave him a chance. For now we live normally, even happily. Now he is nervous, thanks to this situation, I got into shape and somehow accidentally became happy again, I began to look at life differently, changed a lot of things in myself and began to develop. I don’t trust men at all, but I wear a mask, and it suits me.”


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Julia: “About six months after the betrayal, my husband had an emergency at work and he lost everything”

“There was betrayal on the part of the husband, but not just betrayal, but another relationship on the side. The first time I found out about this was when I was pregnant. I found a photo of him with a half-naked girl. He lied and got out, but didn’t admit it. Then I started checking his phone. Of course, there were messages of a sexual nature from the same girl. At the same time, he acted as if nothing was happening and said that I had imagined everything and had a sick imagination. Being in the last stages of pregnancy and loving him madly, I really began to think that everything was imagining things to me and that these were all my fantasies.

When his daughter was born, two months later, he decided to go on vacation to Thailand, explaining to me that he was stressed at work and needed to fly away. He was gone for three weeks. And I just had time to think and decide what to do next. I realized for myself that I love him very much and want my child to live in a complete family. Therefore, I, together with the child, in full dress, went to the airport to meet him. As it turned out, there was a whole group of our mutual friends who were also on this trip with their wives.

So, I’m standing at the airport, all beautiful, and she comes out first. I had already figured out who it was and was ready to see her. Judging by the reaction, she also knew who I was. My husband saw me and went straight to me. In those few seconds, while he was walking, several scenarios of my behavior flashed through my head.

In a couple of seconds I wanted to kill him and start a scandal, but I still pulled myself together and greeted him with a smile. He, of course, did not expect such a reaction, but his eyes did not look at me. But there, in front of her, he hugged me, kissed me, and we left as a family, and she remained at the airport. There was a scandal, of course, but then at home, the main thing is that she didn’t see it.

Why did I behave this way? Firstly, because family is very important to me and I decided to fight for it, secondly, I wanted my daughter to have a complete family, and thirdly, I loved him madly. I also thought a lot about why he behaved this way, why he needed it, and I felt better when I understood why he did this. He never apologized to me, never confessed, he was always simply silent on this topic.

When we met, he was very wealthy, young and free. Of course, there were a lot of young girls around. And then I appeared. On the one hand, he fell in love with me and wanted a family, on the other hand, he did not want to lose his freedom and female attention. I realized that it was not me or our relationship that was to blame for the fact that he cheated on me, but only his unwillingness to change in life. We began to build our relationship from the beginning, my daughter was very united, he was such a good father that everything else began to gradually move aside.

About six months after this situation, my husband had an emergency at work and he lost everything. In general, everything is money, business. Accordingly, some friends and young girlfriends too. This situation also changed him a lot. I saw that he was rethinking his life and those around him. For about a year after the betrayal, we were just mom and dad for our daughter, then we slowly became partners, friends, and then husband and wife again.

10 years have passed since that moment, we have two children. My husband carries me in his arms, loves my children, and helps me around the house. In general, not a husband, but gold. He is silent, but I see that he really appreciates the fact that I didn’t leave and give up when he lost everything. From this whole situation, I realized that cheating is not the end of the world. It's much worse when you lose loved ones.

A person can stumble and sometimes make the wrong decision. The main thing is to live on without looking back. I never remind my husband about this, and we only talk about the future. Thoughts about cheating again forced me to change myself. I did a lot for the family and forgot about myself, now I think a lot about myself. I took care of myself: manicures, salons, sports, hobbies. And my husband began to be afraid of losing me, now he is jealous of me. I still haven't forgiven the betrayal. I learned to live with it, learned to accept the situation, understand the situation, but not forgive.”


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Anastasia: “I cried and wanted a divorce, and at the same time he said how much he loved her”

“The relationship between my husband and I was not that bad, but rather routine. We often argued and did not hear each other. We have two children (14 and 6 years old, boys) and have been married for 15 years. The husband met his mistress at work - he gave her a ride in a taxi. One day I noticed a message from her “what are your plans for the evening?” He said that he was a regular taxi customer.

Then my husband often began to “work” at night, but did not bring in any money, they say, there were no orders. Everything developed very quickly, and after another misunderstanding, he flared up and said that he had been wanting to live separately for a week now. I began to keep an eye on him and “spotted” him when he was with her, I watched him at the house.

When he saw me, he asked what I was doing there. We got into the car, and I asked quite calmly: “So?” Divorce?". At first I was calm and even cool-headed, but then I couldn’t stand it and burst into tears, repeating the phrase “what have we done?” And then he told me that he loved her madly and wanted children from her.

He literally devalued all our years and everything we had. But when it turned out that his “new girl” was having a guest marriage with a man who lives in Europe, my husband wrote to me at night and suggested we meet. And I went.

We sat in the cafe until the morning, then he went to see me. There was intimacy, and from that moment the swing began.

They fought constantly, the main reason was that she would not part with her European boyfriend. Then he slowly returned home, but hid his phone and turned it off. Our relationship was, to put it mildly, terrible. He yelled, was unrestrained, tried to leave many times, said that they had gotten together in vain. I kept putting it off, we made peace. Only not so long ago everything began to improve, and he seemed to come to his senses. I have changed, become wiser, more compliant. But I can honestly say that I have not forgiven. This is not just treason, this is betrayal with a capital T!

I think about this every day, everyone! And perhaps I made a mistake. They say you can't be together just because of the children. During our quarrels, I lost 10 kg; he was even infuriated that I looked good. I let him back in and now I can’t say that the relationship is bad. We have both changed, but there is no confidence in him. I don’t trust and I won’t.”

I am writing, in general, to get a man’s opinion on a completely banal topic: a year ago my husband cheated on me, sometimes I have panic attacks due to the risk of a relapse.

I'm 30 now, beautiful, successful. My husband is 3 years older, almost the same age. We got married 7 years ago and lived for another 1.5 years before marriage. When we met (at work, since we spend 80% of our time there), both he and I had recently ended relationships, so for a long time both he and I were plagued by former passions (calls, attempts to meet, etc.). d.), his former partner, for example, simply did not stop threatening me over the phone for 2 months. My husband and I moved in together right away, we met for just a month, and we immediately settled into everyday life.

At the beginning of the relationship, I did not have great passion and great fairy-tale love for my husband, I just felt good and warm with him. He was the complete opposite of my previous man, such a simple, normal guy who doesn’t sweat the small stuff, doesn’t demand to meet any requirements, is happy with me for who I am. At the same time, I considered myself a kind of queen (in general, everything was in order with my self-esteem) - men always followed me in droves, there was no problem in choosing...

For a long time I could not forget my previous relationship, I know that this is not good towards my husband, but he did not ask anything, did not demand, and I did not show it, I tried not to hurt him in any way, I did not maintain any contact with my ex , even though he wrote to me by email, I changed my phone number immediately. She never cheated on her husband, although there were a lot of proposals...

We got married... I remember how I stood then in a wedding dress, waiting for the ransom to end, and thinking that now there was definitely no turning back, it was scary... Although it was she who encouraged him to go down the aisle.

A year has passed. I got pregnant. It was happiness for both of us. In those moments, I finally began to heal from the past. I felt my love for my husband growing every day. But I had a disgusting character, I didn’t hesitate to cut it down, be capricious and even throw hysterics (it’s true what they say – women are fools). I only managed to be on maternity leave for a little less than 2 years, since my husband was laid off during the crisis, and he couldn’t find a job for about six months, and we have loans, mortgages and blah blah blah.

I went to work and was able to help him get a job in my company. Things began to improve financially (they literally stopped collecting change for bread). The husband, after he was laid off at his previous job, somehow became depressed in terms of his work feats and stopped thinking about a career in a new place. But life went on, as they said in the film “Genius”: “Life is getting more expensive, money is getting cheaper.” And I, so restless, everything was not enough for me, I began to “twist” him, they say, I need to think about a promotion, but I did it all in my sawfish manner. Time kept passing, there were no changes for him, at some point I got tired of it, I was just tired of waiting on him, both myself and him, spoiling my nerves by talking about any changes. And I myself took the risk of changing jobs. I immediately found an excellent vacancy for a managerial position in a reputable office with a salary that exceeded both his and my previous budget by more than 2 times.

With a significant influx into the budget, we immediately bought my husband what he had wanted for a long time (a bike, a satellite...), went on vacation, and I tried to start my own business. My husband outwardly reacted calmly to my new job, but subsequently went on a drinking binge for a month (I’m a fool for announcing the figure for the new salary, I just don’t like to lie, or I’m a fool for deciding to change jobs in the first place – now I don’t know) . My mother-in-law, who was sitting with her daughter, began to slowly nibble on me about the fact that I was not spending enough time with my child and family. This was a sore subject for me. I cried at work that I wanted to see my daughter more, but I didn’t know how to bring money to the family and remain a woman...

We began to move away from him. Intimacy began to happen only if we accidentally woke up at night, through a dream. I didn’t want to go home at all, my mother-in-law was waiting at home with another portion of moral teachings: how exactly I should read a book to a child or how to properly put her to bed, and if she didn’t tell me anything, she was always blacker than a cloud, as if she was putting up with me in my own house (by the way, then she went to her home and did not spend the night with us). I tried to blame the problem of communicating with my mother-in-law on my husband (stupid for the third time), he was certainly driven crazy by all this.

One day I realized that my husband had moved away from me. I tried to stop my drinking (but, alas, it was too late). For the first time, I thought that my husband might be cheating on me, I became more affectionate, asked to be with me more often, but they no longer heard me. I began to notice how he could sit with his smartphone for a long time, and a passion for new music appeared (Russian rap, which was generally strange for him). Every weekend he had things to do for the whole day. One day we had a fight over a mere trifle: we started dismantling the bed, and he did it with such effort, then I just freaked out and sent him to sleep in the nursery. Word by word, I threw a pack of condoms at him (whatever was on hand - without really understanding what exactly I was throwing), to which he replied that “I can do without them”! I flew into the nursery after him (luckily the child was sleeping), he was again sitting with the phone, poking the keys and smiling disgustingly (later it turned out that at that moment he had already agreed to meet with her, they were about to have their first night together). I was simply blown away by the “sense”, I clearly felt the “smell” of another woman, everything stank of her, I pushed him out of the nursery so as not to wake up my daughter, I just pounced on him like a wild cat, he fought me off as best he could. Somehow in this cubicle we had sex (that is, sex, not love).

The next day I invited him to go somewhere, confessed my love to him, looked at him with loving eyes. He accepted all this, he liked it, but he didn’t burn. Returning home, he said that over the weekend he might go on a business trip with a male colleague. I asked not to turn off the phone, since the journey was long, and he was driving. I helped pack his things... Already in the evening of the day I left, I couldn’t reach him by phone. My “alarm” for his fidelity worked all night, just without shutting up, calling him on his cell phone until the morning, my husband’s phone was still not available. In the afternoon, at 3 o’clock, he got in touch, explained that the phone doesn’t answer in this city (boo-ha-ha), I asked to give the phone to a colleague, my husband started shouting at me that I was out of my mind, they say, I’m putting him in such an awkward position in front of his colleague. I asked him to tell me where exactly he was going now, he said that he would call back.

I came home “cold”. I didn’t say a word, I didn’t have evidence, and if you’re not caught, you’re not a thief. At home he was not himself, he went to bed all sort of depressed, but he responded to my caresses with pleasure, reached out to me himself, but he sighed deeply and sadly, said that he had a nightmare: he dreamed of darkness, and he was somewhere... then goes away (where?! why?!). Because of his behavior, I began to torture him, what happened, what did he get himself into (money? work? another woman?). He told me that he couldn’t tell me now, because he was helping one person in a very delicate matter...

He tormented me for a week, without really telling me anything, he started writing poems for me (the same rap that he became interested in) with the meaning: “I love you” and “don’t let me go” (but where should I let go?! Why? ?!!). Then I called this period “7 days of hell.” There was a moment (luckily the child was already asleep, at least I had enough brains for that) when I stood in front of him, opened a bottle of wine and drank it all (I don’t drink at all (!)) - for me it was like drinking a liter of vodka for a grown man. I only remember how I cried so that he would tell me, not torment me, that he didn’t love me, didn’t want any more children from me, and he so carefully “proved the opposite,” confessed his love, almost cried himself, but was silent, and nothing happened. told. Then I remember that I was doing something in the bathroom near the toilet (probably calling a friend - Ichthyander), and then my husband washed me and carried me in his arms... This has never happened in my life before, probably, from the outside I looked like a mop, not first freshness. It hurt, I thought I was going to die.

All these days I didn’t eat, didn’t drink, in general, according to all the rules, I went crazy... Every day he told something new about his great secret, but the “smell” of another lingered in our house. I couldn’t stand it, I had to find out for myself. I found out. I won’t say that it was even more painful than it already was by that moment, but the world at my feet began to sway somehow suspiciously from side to side.

Only when I called her to simply ask (without insult or reproach): “Tell me the TRUTH,” the lady denied it for a while, then snapped: “Sometimes it’s better not to know than to know,” and hung up. Then she began to write to me herself, making promises that I would not hear from her again, that she would reduce communication with my husband only to work moments (she is his colleague in another city), that she needed to fight for her family, that she wished us happiness. We didn’t communicate with her anymore.

Only after this confession did her husband lay out everything in great detail. I met this woman at an off-site conference, they kissed there, then they started texting each other, they found common topics, she asked him to help with one issue, he naturally agreed, he went to see her on the weekend, there was a period of courtship (about a month), and, well, finally started to sleep. She is my mother-in-law (convenient - you can’t confuse her in bed), she looks very much like me - both her hair and her face shape... I must admit, she is also beautiful and seemingly self-confident, a successful woman. He is 5 years older than me, after a “fresh” divorce, and has a 9-year-old son. My husband said that she was only less temperamental than me (I quote: “Not so lively”).

I was thinking about divorce, but fortunately my best friend and my mother were nearby, both said that think a hundred times before getting a divorce, they say, look at your problem on the scale of the universe - well, apparently? At home, I almost literally killed him, I hadn’t argued with him for a long time, but I couldn’t restrain myself... Then I just lay down at his feet, exhausted, saying that the pain was unbearable. He himself had tears in his eyes. I imagined: here I am living without him - and it became even more painful. He tried to explain something to her via SMS about family values, etc. and so on. Then at night she wrote him a message - a link to some romantic song. It dawned on me that this star was not going to leave him, despite all her assurances. I was shocked - I have to fight, because this is my Husband (I specifically write that he is not MY husband, since it dawned on me that he does not belong to me), the Father of my child, my Beloved.

Only after a couple of days did it begin to dawn on me that this was entirely my fault. Having only partially understood it, I was able to take a step towards forgiveness.

A year has passed since then. We talked a lot about this topic. Without any sniffles on my part, but with “snot on my fist.” My pain began to more or less subside only after a few months. She continued to write to him. I went to the next conference with him and my daughter. This beauty girl and I perfectly understood who was who, without special introductions to each other, but the conversation did not take place, and was it really necessary? Then she wrote to him, after she saw me: “Take care of your family” (from whom?! From her?! Ahhh...).

Of course, I have little faith in my husband now, but I hope that time will help? (exactly what the question is). He has changed over this year, he has become more attentive, he even began to give flowers without a holiday reason. He showered me with expensive gifts. We often confess our love to each other. And for the first time after reconciliation, I practically sucked all the “proteins” out of him (if you know what I mean): in the morning, and before bed, and at night, and more than once (after 1.5 months of such a sex attack, he even sometimes he shied away from me). I tortured him with intimacy until I became pregnant; I was happy about my pregnancy. Now the doctors are telling me to be careful, but even in this situation (without my active participation) I help him relax (I was forbidden to do this, not him). Yes, and I changed radically, something clicked in my brain. If earlier, for example, he could come home drunk, it annoyed me (he annoyed me), but now I’m just glad that he was so “cheerful” and came home with a smile on his face, happy that we were glad to see him.

Now I’m sitting at home pregnant with my daughter (I took leave at my own expense until maternity leave). I immediately became tense with money, and at first I remembered my old habit of sawing, but then that too passed, I pulled myself together, and the problem of lack of money seemed not such a problem...

Recently he had this off-site conference again for 2 days, and she was there. When he arrived, he told me that they talked, that they decided that everyone had their own life, that they didn’t need to shy away from each other, because what happened, happened, he said that even then they drank in the same company, sitting next to each other ( which seems to be all innocent). At first I reacted calmly, but when he told me that she was sincerely worried about our family, and then called him about some minor issue, I was again overcome with pain and resentment. Well, why lie to yourself? What kind of friendly relations can there be here? They already have the status of “former lovers”, and it can only be changed to “current lovers”. I tried to explain to him that I couldn’t accept even just “how are you” in their dialogues. In general, she said that the past betrayal was a mistake in which I tried to understand him and support him, because everyone can make mistakes, but I won’t pull him out of this mud a second time. By the way, I will say that when I asked him if he would forgive me if I cheated on him, he said no, and at the moment when everything became clear a year ago, he even packed his things (he said that he would have left because of for the sake of conscience, to nowhere), that I was the only one who stopped him.

In general, why did I write a whole story here? I'm just afraid of a relapse, repeated betrayal, there is no faith. Tell me, men, do all men really cheat, and if they did, do they all repeat it again? The wound is still bleeding, liters of snot have already poured out... I, of course, will not physically die, and there is someone to live for - these are the children and myself, but going through this a second time is too sickening and scary...

And one more problem. Sometimes I see before my eyes in my imagination (close-up like this): his buttocks, rhythmically contracting during sexual intercourse, and two female legs on the sides, swaying in the same rhythm... All this until I vomit... Am I completely starstruck? Please advise, people (!), how to turn off this movie?! There is no money for a psychologist now. Thanks in advance everyone for your advice! If anyone has the opinion that I am a complete idiot, well, in some ways they will probably be right. I will read your messages until the first insult or swearing (sorry for the severity 🙂).

Do you believe in history?

True 0 Not true 0

    2013-11-07T01:58:12+00:00

    2013-11-07T00:52:35+00:00

    Mila, hello, I have a very similar situation and, painfully, experiences with yours, will you respond to my letter with an offer to communicate?

    2013-11-05T12:14:54+00:00

    Volny-Will,

    [email protected]

    2013-11-05T09:20:36+00:00

    Hello, for the second time today.

    My friend greets me for the second time. I tell him, “Yes, hello. We already said hello today.” He (profoundly) - “It’s better to say hello twice than to get punched in the forehead once.”))

    You say that it washed over you and you “went crazy.” But did the husband give a reason? Or are you for prevention?

    2013-10-31T10:11:05+00:00

    10:30. +10000000000))))))))))

    2013-10-30T11:30:24+00:00

    Guest Tina.

    Thank you from all loving husbands and fathers. Warriors and plowmen. From your son (if there is or will be) for your kind words. A kind word also pleases the cat. And a man stands not only at the top of the food chain, but at one of the top lines in terms of intelligence. We not only love you, not as much as dogs, of course, but no less than donkeys, but we are also sad for you. The world is not built fairly. Nature could have created for you at least some random male human. But no, for some reason I wasn’t generous. We have to be content with animals. The only consolation is that from copulation with this animal, not only male animals are born, but also human girls. But there is also a positive side. The fauna is diverse. There is a choice. By the way, which animals do you prefer?

    2013-10-30T01:48:17+00:00

    what a young man you are! I call people like you wise women! You shouldn’t be afraid that he will cheat on you again, if he wanted this, he wouldn’t stay with you and you wouldn’t make a doll. Try to let go of the situation... Men are animals and yet they are guided by a different animal instinct. And you are smart for deciding to save your family. Love and patience to you!

    Calmly explain to your husband that it is difficult for you to trust him. Let him put himself in your place - what would he feel if he discovered similar SMS and mms. Would you remain silent and not pay attention?

    Who is she anyway, why would she be scared to send her “in negligee” to your husband?

    And yet - if his behavior is above suspicion, as they say, “always in touch” and there are no more signs, one would like to hope that there was no betrayal. Anything is possible.

    2013-10-26T15:50:02+00:00

    Mila, so I realized that time heals! There are so many thoughts in my head about self-assessment, you’re right, it plummeted to -0! I even told him about it! On the 3rd day I got drunk... it became so offensive, I wanted to hurt him the same thing, in the same place! It was good with a friend, she quickly brought some sense into it! I tell him, that means you are freeing my hands! You can, but why can’t I??????? Just try it for me, you can pack your things right away !!!And I don’t need anyone, I don’t want one! I love him, but he apparently takes advantage of it!

    2013-10-26T15:26:19+00:00

    He began to say that it seemed to you, etc! but I saw everything myself!!! these photos (in a robe, in panties, he says: what am I??? She sent it herself! We didn’t have anything!) fortunately or Unfortunately, I’m not 16 years old))) or maybe I would have believed it!!! I clearly remember that moment, the ground went out from under my feet! And I don’t understand, if there was love there, I didn’t even understand, that is, I always picked up the phone, spends the night at home, doesn’t stay at work! How??? he probably jumped up at lunch like an animal??? now he avoids talking about these topics in every possible way, I can see it infuriates him! I tried in a good way, I said let’s talk why this happened, I tried to understand! he doesn’t confess, no, that’s all!!! but it’s tearing me apart from the inside! I’m ready to forgive him, only his pure, sincere one! I don’t know what to do, I understand that the berries will come later....

    2013-10-26T13:13:59+00:00

    Guest 9:27, I’ll add.. The i’s need to be dotted right away. It was not possible to pin him against the wall and he did not confess? Then he will probably want to reduce everything to nothing and the “educational moment” will be missed - he will learn that this is possible with you. You need to deal with this issue - for example, say that you don’t believe him, and he offended you so much that it won’t work a second time. He stopped - and what did he say? Like, did you dream? Then wait for next time. Their skin must experience the same torment as ours, then there is an option for “healing.” But after that - get over yourself, no need to poke. A person cannot live normally when, like a schoolchild, he is constantly being “worked on.” And all this if you know for yourself that you want to be with him.

    2013-10-26T12:29:01+00:00

    Guest at 9:27

    I probably “poked” for the first two weeks after I found out (until I made the final decision that there would be no divorce). But we agreed, as soon as it hits me again, we’ll discuss it. So, for the first month, maybe longer, they talked almost every evening (without insults, accusations, reproaches, but my tears and torment, and his words about asking for forgiveness, that was). Then this kind of “sad-maza” began to repeat itself once a week, then less and less often... And now it comes (mostly more for some specific occasion, such as his next business trip) and now he patiently endures it all. For my part, I tabooed jabs, jokes, such reminders of her and this whole situation (and even more so insults) in simple everyday life. And from the very beginning I warned him that he would have to tinker with me, that it would not be easy...

    Realizing that this is still a brainwash on my part, I try my best to restrain myself, but my husband sees my depression at such moments (fortunately they are rare) and begins to ask me questions himself..

    2013-10-26T10:27:07+00:00

    Mila, tell me! After everything you’ve been through, do you poke your husband with this on occasion??? I’m just going through a difficult period right now (I found mms, sms) it was very painful and difficult, tears, snot, requests to at least explain something! At first I thought I’d kill him I attacked him like a cobra, then I started packing my things, I stopped him, in general, now I’m poking him..... I understand, no matter what, that this is not right, but the pain and resentment that you were thrown below the baseboard, this is something! I don’t know how forget all this!

    2013-10-24T09:12:19+00:00

    Hello, Mila. I read your very detailed answer given to me yesterday, thank you, I was impressed, that’s why I’m here.

    Your topic seemed even more significant to me than mine. I don’t know if I could fight like that for my husband, or, as you say, “it would be easier to quit, to hell.” After your words that quitting is much easier than figuring it out, I realized that this is my case, and therefore I will try to look at myself differently. Through the prism, so to speak, of your vision.

    You are smart. Thank you.

    2013-10-15T02:40:07+00:00

    hahaha, maybe you can also shit yourself in your sleep, since you can’t control yourself?

    nightmare, and then they wonder why their wives and husbands cheat. Now everything is clear. that’s how you love a person, you love him, you adore him, and then one day your soul mate suddenly can’t control himself for once - and that’s it, your love is broken, you saw the monster behind the mask

    2013-10-15T02:18:31+00:00

    Have you been sinning with poetry for a long time? Just a monument to lifefak. Or was your favorite poet quoted?

    You were talking about farting and snoring in your sleep, not in reality.

    A woman comes to the market to buy herring. He approaches a Caucasian man selling fish and asks: “Is your herring fresh?” That one: “Definitely fresh.” The woman sniffs and asks: “Why does it stink so much?” That one: “Uh, listen, do you control yourself when you sleep?”

    When you sleep, do you control yourself? I can assume that either yes, since you are still alive, or the one who wakes up next to you at night is uncultured and does not shoot you.

    2013-10-15T01:49:37+00:00

    author 23:51 ok, consider that I have a depleted soul, it will not be taken away from me. I don't make life difficult for myself. and I don’t like poetic nonsense and all Lenten philosophy. I don’t waste myself on empty words, I prove my love with deeds, and you, as I understand it, talk more. looks like one poem:

    look, my love, stars
    as a sign of fidelity I give you
    and we will live in this house
    from old wood chips and shit

    to the author 00:19 he will need to shoot me. It’s disgusting, I can’t stand it, and I forever associate a person who does this with intestinal gas. This is lack of culture, just like biting your nails, blowing your nose loudly, and so on from the cycle “in the animal world.” if someone has very high voltage, you can move away from people and do all your business, pick where you need to, and so on. Or is this the norm in your family, as Malysheva says?

    2013-10-15T01:19:21+00:00

    Guest 22:04.

    Interesting. And if in the middle of the night the one who is next to you wakes up and hears you farting and snoring, will he need to be touched or should he be offended??? Or do you warn in advance so that I don’t pay attention?

    2013-10-15T00:51:01+00:00

    Guest 22:04

    At least lol or not lol, I was right about the impoverishment of the soul (you can replace this word with nature). The high ability to love oneself to the point of self-destruction is the reason. And you say like: “I’m an old soldier. I don’t know the words of love...”

    You are too “carried away” by the life hack. A life hack is a simplification of a particular process, but not a simplisticization of life as a whole. I drank and wrote. Ate...

    2013-10-14T23:39:30+00:00

    2013-10-14T23:25:32+00:00

    Just now my husband perked up and began making plans for work and other issues. In general, the situation with who “mines” changed a few months ago, since I am now at home.

    However, what I disagree with is that I will not look for a job for him. I've already done this once, I think this time is enough. Of course, my hands are itching, but if I start to deal with this issue myself (even carefully, so as not to offend him), then it will still be my initiative, not his, and perhaps this will be regarded as pressure on my part. I don’t want this, moreover, I see his efforts to create comfortable conditions for me and the absence of attempts to impose something on me... In any case, thank you very much for your opinion!

    2013-10-14T23:04:09+00:00

    I wrote the post at 14:06.

    to the author of the post at 18:55 - I have a high ability to love. myself. This is not selfishness, this is self-respect. I don't hate anyone. about the impoverishment of my soul - well, that’s just lol) if love blurs your eyes and you like to wake up in the middle of the night and look with tenderness at your farting and snoring spouse, then my condolences.

    I have already voiced the formula for an ideal family: the husband is the breadwinner, the wife is the keeper of the hearth, sucking out the squirrels. Why reinvent the wheel and get into philosophy? Here's a life hack for you, it won't be any other way. if a man is not able to earn money, if his wife earns more, then problems immediately begin, haven’t you noticed? or if the wife doesn’t do shit around the house - again scandals. Yes, because it is impossible otherwise, roles in the family were clearly distributed thousands of years ago.

    Mile - I see that you are an intelligent woman and do not need anyone’s advice. but I assure you, as soon as everyone in your family takes their roles, the situation will change. as soon as your husband has a good job, he will feel like the support of the family, he will understand that you need him - and everything will immediately change. and now he can feel on a subconscious level that since he is not a breadwinner, then you don’t need him, and out of despair he can cheat. this is male psychology, remember about the fragile ego) therefore, now put all your energy into finding a good job for your husband and you will see that everything will change immediately. good luck to you.

    2013-10-14T20:22:04+00:00

    As I already wrote above, in difficult times I was supported by two of my beloved and dear ones: my mother and my friend. I would not trust others, since these 2 women are generous, capable of loving, and therefore forgiving. At that moment, a fire was burning inside me; I could have burned everything around me if I had not restrained myself. Then it was much easier to give up everything than to understand why it all happened. They were the ones who talked to me literally like a small child, calmly asking and explaining what and how. I listened to them because it was obvious that I was insane and could make trouble if I had a hot head.

    My desire for frequent intimacy with my husband after the incident was not caused by fear because of his possible departure, it was just that I saw him as if for the first time, and all the accumulated tenderness that had not been given to him before poured out on him overnight...

    something like this.

    in general, I would rephrase the fact that women are “stupid” into the next word. thought: a woman is either a horror, what a fool, or a beauty, what a stupid thing. I really hope that I am a beauty myself :))

    2013-10-14T19:55:19+00:00

    If a woman wrote at 14:06, then apparently she is deeply unhappy. Even those whose husbands cheated on them are more unhappy. And her misfortune is in her head. Can't read anything else. It's hard to explain, but she has a very impoverished soul. Like wife/man-haters. Low ability to love and high ability to hate. Hence the emotional impoverishment. She cannot give love herself and in return she does not receive the love she expects. It would seem easier to get rid of the bike and the husband along with it, than to deduce a whole theory of masculinity... Elevate your failure to the law of life in general.

    There are many divorces not because someone is not silent and does not please. And from not understanding what family is. Both or one side. Selfishness.

    2013-10-14T19:54:46+00:00

    And so the women got involved)

    2013-10-14T19:20:45+00:00

    Yes, it’s clear that she’s a woman, and she’s right, otherwise Munechka makes me sick, it seems to me that I made up “I already wrote” for Munechka. Although I already wrote, I don’t want to offend. Someone decided to revive this post.

    2013-10-14T18:34:00+00:00

    It is not clear whether the last comment was written by a man or a woman.

    2013-10-14T15:06:38+00:00

    Yeah. After reading these funny stories about cheating here, we can conclude: for men, having sex with anyone is like drinking water. and they do this because they have an extremely fragile ego, they simply need to assert themselves. a woman should not reprimand her husband, even if he doesn’t do shit, doesn’t earn money, rides the bike all day long, which his wife bought him, watches cable, which his wife pays for, while the wife still has to “suck all the whites out of him” and generally blow off specks of dust from it. otherwise, he will go fuck whores, because he cannot demonstrate his masculine core in any other way. and the wife has nowhere to go, she has a child, she is 30 years old, half her life has already passed, and besides, she became pregnant again, hoping for an unknown miracle. and now she must nurture her husband’s tiny ego, silently endure lack of money, constantly sucking out the whites. and if not, then he will leave, there are a lot of divorced women with children around who are not averse to having sex. and his wife will raise his children at this time.

    why are women so stupid? they have lived side by side with men for thousands of years and still haven’t figured out what’s what. To study male habits, just look at your father. this will be enough to assess your strength and decide whether you are ready to remain silent all your life, without expressing your dissatisfaction in any way (for imaginary reasons or obvious), give birth to children, cook borscht, earn money for bicycles and cable, and suck out proteins.

    That’s why there are so many divorces, women are not ready to remain silent, and men cannot please them (often they simply cannot be men and not worthless rags). people after 10 years of marriage simply tolerate each other, and this is normal, it has always been like this, at all times, but not everyone can demonstrate such titanic patience

    2013-10-11T18:02:07+00:00

    K (I already wrote)

    Oh, and if systematically, then it would have hit me harder and I don’t even imagine my future behavior... Although I was younger, I thought my husband would cheat - screw him))), but in practice this is how it turned out.

    I explained to my husband after everything that had happened that if the incident were to happen again, I definitely wouldn’t be able to restore my faith after the second take, even if I really wanted to, and what is life without faith? Go crazy and harass him with “where is he?”, “who is he with” and “how much time do we have before the third incident”? She said that maybe I would continue to love him, that I wouldn’t say a bad word about dad to the children, but there would be no life together.

    but they say that to forgive a second time is generosity... (And they say the third time is stupidity).

    re-reading myself, I understand that it’s as if I’m preparing for this second time ((((and I know that this is bad and I don’t know what to do about it yet. I love him, he loves me (proves with his actions), an excellent father, a daughter from dads are crazy, and I (in my dark corners) am preparing for a relapse... Fool? Hmm...

    I got off the hook, I’m learning English, because I remembered that during my last job search I had to reject a couple of good offers. I, like you, have been working since my youth, with a career pah-pah, both bosses and subordinates love me, when I announced that I was going on a long vacation, people shed tears, it’s nice...)) I won’t be left without a piece of bread)

    You once wrote that you earn more than your husband, is this in a figurative or literal sense? If the latter, then tell me how you presented it and how he feels about it. I’m asking because (presumably) having returned from vacation by that time, my salary will still be greater than his (my husband’s income at his current place was recently increased, but the difference in the scale of our income is still great, he does not intend to look for another job in the near future, since he is valued here, and his field of work is risky in terms of changing jobs during a crisis).

    2013-10-11T17:22:08+00:00

    K (I already wrote)

    He didn’t leave with me (there was a moment when he packed the bag, and it stood there for several more days, not disassembled until the weekend, and he took things out of it as needed, and by the weekend it (the bag) was empty).

    This is the first time this has happened to us; there were moments in the first couple of years of marriage when I discovered his flirting with other ladies ((but nothing serious.

    I don't drink anymore.

    I read your comments on another topic, you are great, risky, straightforward, but well done.)

    2013-10-11T17:07:15+00:00

    The night cuckoo will have a snack during the day. Is he with you? With you? No, well, he didn’t leave, he didn’t leave. Don't saw and that's it. Did he cheat on you once, or systematically? (Sorry for the question)

    2013-10-10T11:37:42+00:00

    Volny-Volya And you, guy, turned out to be right. I thought too, I even thought I was making up something that didn’t happen, then I told my husband, and he rolled his eyes at me, then he stopped telling me about her. She says that from one dropped word I immediately get a vivid image and an episode is drawn. I also thought that I would go to the wrong place, but now everything is fine, only my husband doesn’t say anything more to all the questions, what and how, he answers: “I don’t remember, you you turn everything around."

    2013-10-09T20:09:43+00:00

    I give it.))) And so I moved my hand.)))

    2013-10-09T20:02:57+00:00

    To (Volny-Will)

    Without sarcasm, this is cool (in the sense of aerobatics).

    in my life I noticed a tendency when you are afraid, how many troubles later come only from fear, but nothing has happened yet. We must learn to relax at certain moments. When my husband was getting ready for this conference (in the present tense) he told me “the main thing is not to panic”)) this is provided that in general we did not have a “preparatory” conversation.

    2013-10-09T19:53:02+00:00

    Yes, and you know what it has come to. I already knew that I had a remedy and was, as it were, calm. If there is something, I can always use it, it’s been verified. And as a result, I stopped being “afraid” of such situations at all. And I began to make more informed decisions, without “panic”.

    Only you are pregnant.

    According to my rough estimates, a wife’s bad character is, in 70 percent of cases, a trigger for their husbands to cheat on them. The wives themselves push. Yes, you and anyone else can verify this by looking closely. When you don’t want to go home, your husband gets either vodka, or a woman, or both, and other scams. Yes, even for evil. Moreover, it is not they themselves who are “looking for a woman,” but they who are “found.”

    When the husband is in a state of affect or effect from the peculiar “concerns” of his wife, then he can be “taken” with bare hands. One smile may be enough for a drunken husband. And then the “soup with the cat” begins. Then “scientific works”, statistics. Who, to whom and how much. But unlike you, most people don’t understand this. And you clearly put everything in its place. That is why there is such, not fake, respect for you. RARITY from the Red Book.

    About relapse. Based on your description of your spouse, there is no indication of a relapse. You yourself said that she is “almost a copy” of you. This means he was “hiding” not from you, but from a hacksaw. And note, I didn’t stoop to some one, but chose it in the image and likeness.)))

    About cinema. Or maybe let it spin, huh? To keep the paperwork under control.))) There is only one face there that is familiar to you - your husband’s butt.)))

    For me, for me, there is one good way to get rid of thoughts of this kind. True, I didn’t experience betrayal, but I had losses, like everyone else. It helped me. As a rule, we drive away thoughts of grief. But they are coming back. We are driving, and they are trying to “kill” us. I don't drive. I think about it all the time. Insomnia, no appetite, torment, withdrawal symptoms, but I think, I think. Then fatigue sets in. The body wants to sleep and eat. Then extraneous thoughts appear. But I-"Wait a minute. Don't get distracted. And again I think, I think...". After a while...you really get tired and tired of thinking about it and...the path to a bright future is clear. Simply put, I concentrate the entire severity of the event in a short period of time, the load is decent. And therefore, this is not advice, just an example. My psyche is stable and I can cope. Well, how about someone who has it “movable”. You may not “return”...to the present either.

    I join the wishes of others. And from myself - to bear and give birth to a healthy child and not get sick myself. .

    2013-10-09T17:41:29+00:00

    “how wonderful it is that there are men who can be faithful.” The most beautiful thing is that there are women like you, dear. Thank you!

    2013-10-09T17:06:36+00:00

    I think it is fundamentally wrong to take revenge for betrayal through treason. Firstly, this is revenge, and revenge will not give the expected peace. Secondly, having experienced betrayal, I know how painful it is, I wouldn’t wish this on my enemy, much less my loved one. Well, and thirdly, then the family will definitely not be saved, the husband may simply not be able to bear it, there will be no more life together.

    2013-10-09T15:38:32+00:00

    dear, believe me, there are many faithful men. and it’s easy to be faithful. You just need to love and be loved. And the grumpiness of wives... well, what can you do. You need to be more lenient towards your beloved girls. It doesn’t happen that everything in the family goes smoothly everywhere. someone accepts everything as it is, and someone breaks down. your husband is not a criminal. he simply did not find any other way out in this situation. perhaps he did not have enough wisdom and patience. but this does not mean that you should give up on him. everything will be fine with you .look. Just don’t take revenge on him with your betrayal. Because he may not have enough of your wisdom. Happiness for your family. You deserve it, honey!

    2013-10-09T14:45:40+00:00

    To (Alexey)

    You are doing well for holding on, and in this case, the situation, it seems to me, needs to be changed before you do something, because you too may get tired of knocking on a closed door.

    Surely you tried to talk to your wife and perhaps this was enough for some time (I’m judging solely by myself). The whole problem is that I, for example, stopped understanding at some point that if my husband is next to me today, then this is his choice, and no one can influence him in this (for example, by force) that it is his attention needs to be appreciated, every day.

    Thank you very much for your words! How wonderful it is that there are men who can be faithful to their loved ones.

    2013-10-09T14:38:39+00:00

    Mila thank you very much and that there are such girls and mothers of future children! Love and be loved! I wish you happiness with all my heart!

    2013-10-09T14:33:18+00:00

    K (In search of happiness)

    thank you for your kind words. You are absolutely right, it is better for your wife not to resemble the woman I was “before”, otherwise it will give you a heart attack:((

    I am very sorry that I was able to understand all this only after being hit on the head with a hammer, I regret that there was no less painful way.

    I sincerely wish you happiness and understanding in your family. It seemed to me that you lack support not only from your wife, but also from people close to you. Namely, they saved me and supported me. But for support, I chose kind people, not embittered, who know how to love and forgive.

    Of course, I won’t be able to meet with you, I think you will understand me, but I will try to help with my modest advice, if it suits your situation. In any case, don't isolate yourself!

    2013-10-09T13:48:30+00:00

    By the way, I also really want my wife to be like you, well, just like you, starting from the moment when he started texting HER with a grin! From now on, I would like you to be like my wife. You have changed and improved a lot. And what’s also amazing about you is that you admit your mistakes. You are well done. Good luck to you! But I still want to talk to you and even ask you for advice. because you and I are very similar in character, although I am a guy and you are a girl.

    2013-10-09T13:33:34+00:00

    you are an amazing woman. This is the first time I’ve seen a woman who admits her guilt in what happened. I have a similar situation. My wife likes to cut. I used to earn little. Now (when I’m in a leadership position) I pay little attention. Sometimes I just want to make a boyish mess .fortunately, there are a lot of opportunities. But I’m holding on. Not even because of her, but because of myself. I need to respect myself. I would like my wife to be like you. I agree with Pavel about the relapse. There won’t be a relapse. 100%. your husband is not a walker, it’s immediately obvious. What happened was just a mistake. I’d like to wish you happiness, dear. Everything will work out. And just turn this picture out of your head. It’s in your power. And trust your husband more. Maybe this is exactly what he wants from you and waits.

    2013-10-09T12:02:54+00:00

    Mila, I’ll probably start an email (left), I just don’t want to write my own so as not to get caught. And I’ll write you the address and we’ll write to you. I just want to talk. Right now I have exactly the same psychological problem that you described at the end of your letter.

    2013-10-09T11:59:12+00:00

    That's how a woman is. What a wonderful wife you are! You're just great. I am a man and I bow to you. When I read your story to the end, I really wanted to talk to you one-on-one, confidentially. Since you and I are somewhat similar in character. And my wife and I have some psychological problems in my family. I haven’t cheated on HER and I don’t intend to misunderstand her on her part. And I also don’t know who to ask for advice. I simply won’t write anything here, because I understand that the whole situation cannot be described, it’s not clear who will write something, and it’s somehow embarrassing to tell everything because it’s personal. But I would trust you, I would be happy to meet you and JUST have a heart-to-heart talk, purely as a human being. =(but you are probably far away... =(

    2013-10-09T11:21:36+00:00

    Pavel, thank you for your support.

    2013-10-09T10:59:18+00:00

    Good day. I’ll start by saying what a great fellow you are, that you write truthfully, including about yourself. And that you value your family and fight for it. Apparently, your husband is not a party person by nature, so there is no need to worry about a relapse. Your husband simply, at some point after drinking, decided for himself that he could not see the meaning of life in a happy family circle. And then a woman from work with a well-developed sense of sensitivity began to fuss, realized that he was a good man and began to show him care and tenderness. They say leave your family, you are unhappy there. Apparently he didn’t want to, but the drinking got worse and worse... Your husband is one of those people who won’t walk to the left because he itches. You understood everything in time and here I have great respect for you - you have changed for the better. After all, few women will tolerate and remain faithful if her husband constantly beats and insults her, finds fault with her and disrespects her. After all, family is mutual respect, love, loyalty

    2013-10-09T10:31:14+00:00

    Oh, mother, how much has been written! I'll read for lunch!

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