Love at 17 years old is something both childish and adult, because boys and girls at this age are just preparing to become men and women, and at the same time have minimal life experience.

There is no more mysterious and alluring feeling in a person’s life than love. It can knock on our door suddenly or grow and develop over a long period of time.

What you need to know

Forewarned is forearmed. Love at 17 years old in adolescence is often associated with negative factors, which later lead to problems with studies, parents, and friends.

No, this does not mean at all that at 17 years old it is “impossible”. This is exactly the right age for a first relationship.

Personality formation

A person's personality develops throughout life. Each period is associated with the action of its own social and biological factors that influence the formation of a person’s character and worldview.

According to E. Erikson, 11-20 years are the time of puberty, adolescence and adolescence. During this period, the teenager’s self-determination and plans for the future are formed.

Guys and girls decide the main question: who to be and what to do in life? They experiment and play different roles in society.

“First love is not the first and not the last. This is the love in which we most of all invested ourselves, our soul, when we still had a soul,” - A. V. Vampilov

However, we are interested in the following: during this period there is a clear sexual polarization, i.e. development of sexual self-determination and associated forms of social behavior.

E. Erikson also highlights the abnormal side of personality development at the age of 11-20, when a person cannot focus on his future and often looks into the past.

His worldview and beliefs are mixed up and become unconvincing for the individual himself. The problem of “self-digging” appears. There is a confusion of forms of sexual behavior in society.

What can influence the formation of personality:

The Path to Coming of Age

17 years is a transitional age when a guy or girl is preparing for adulthood. During this period, teenagers begin to ask questions that they had not even thought about before (What is life?

How to live correctly? How to become happy? What to do to achieve success in society? What does the future hold for me? What will my parents say about me at 20-25 years old?).

In general, a person understands himself and his desires, needs, responsibilities, hobbies, and beliefs.

From the age of 16, most boys and girls experience attraction to the opposite sex. They ask questions about the sexual characteristics of men and women, their physiology, and sex.

And yes, sex at 16-18 years old is normal. The only thing you need to remember is the possible risks.at 17 years old will leave many memories to last a lifetime.

Whether they will be good or negative depends on the teenagers themselves and their psychological state. By this age, a person becomes mature enough to “taste” relationships for the first time.

How to understand that this is love at 17 years old

Even at the age of 17, true love can arise. However, this is rare, and teenagers often confuse this feeling with falling in love or passion.

If passion is a drug, then love is healing and creation. This is how these two feelings differ. Falling in love is also not love.

This is mania, sympathy for a member of the opposite sex. A teenager wants to spend time together and comfortably, without feeling any responsibilities or problems.

When there is love between teenagers, everything becomes different: people are not only attracted to each other because of their positive qualities.

The guy and the girl also don’t pay attention to each other’s shortcomings, sometimes finding advantages in them. They don’t try to fix anything in themselves, and that’s not necessary.

Here are specific signs of love that are relevant not only for teenagers, but also for other age categories:

1. Excitement at the sight of your crush.
2. Embarrassing facial flushing.
3. Conversations with loved ones often lead to discussions of your first love.
4. I want to communicate a lot with my other half.
5. You are drawn to him/her, and it is unclear how and why this happens.
6. There is a desire to give everything you have. And we are talking about spiritual values.

Signs of a teenager falling in love

Any relationship begins with a feeling of falling in love. 17-year-olds are no exception.

There are several signs by which you can guess that a guy or girl has a crush:

There are also differences in behavior between boys and girls.

For girls

What characteristic behavioral traits can reveal a teenage girl in love:

Now let's talk about boys. What behavioral features can be noticed in representatives of the stronger sex:

1. He is constantly looking for his sympathy in the crowd. He wants her to notice him.
2. The guy’s behavior changes whenever his soulmate appears. For example, if in a company of friends a young man is the life of the party, then when “her” appears on the horizon, he turns into a shy boy.
3. The guy becomes a gentleman: he opens the door for his girlfriend, carries her bags/backpack, and says compliments.
4. A young man in love tries to fulfill every desire of his passion. Very often, a girl’s wish, said as a joke, is immediately fulfilled.

First love at 17

Teens are always interested in new things, and relationships are no exception. They can affect a guy or a girl in different ways, and this can often be noticed.

Video: my first love at 17 - experience and conclusions

Every teenager should always remember that relationships are not only about pleasure in the company of their significant other, but also about responsibility.

Therefore, true first love at such an early age is not common and is typical only for mature people, not only physically, but also spiritually.

“He looked at me like that! Yes, he only thinks about one thing! I think he likes me." Agree, familiar phrases? Surely, each of us at least once in our lives mentioned such expressions in a conversation with friends. Sometimes we all think that all males are bad, and we speak different languages ​​with them. But the fact is that guys’ psychology is completely different from girls’, and their thinking will never coincide with women’s logic. What to do and how to find a common language with our men? Let's try to figure it out.

Psychology of guys - how to understand them?

Let's start with the fact that we begin to think about relationships at the beginning of adolescence. And throughout this entire period, and it lasts from 14 to 22 years, views on life change under the pressure of circumstances and experience. All guys experience this age individually. But still, there are common characteristics that apply to everyone.

The psychology of young guys can be divided into several stages. They all depend on age and those needs that are leading at that moment and, undoubtedly, affect relationships with girls.

Psychology of boys at 14 years old. This age is the most difficult to start any relationship. Guys' concept of love is confused with biological sexual feelings. And if we take into account that girls at this age have an emotional-romantic mood for relationships, then in most cases relationships end with the classic belief that “they only need one thing.”

Psychology of boys at 16-17 years old. This period is wonderful because most of the young men have already decided on their feelings and worldviews. This is the time of pure and bright first love. A guy’s attachment to a girl at this age is very strong and any termination of the relationship on the girl’s initiative can become a serious mental trauma for the guy. But again, we should not forget about the second type of men who are still in search of their ideal. If you notice that your boyfriend communicates with your girlfriend with the same interest as with you, or constantly makes new acquaintances, you should think about whether you are dealing with a classic womanizer?

Psychology of guys aged 18-20. This age is equally associated in both sexes with choosing a profession and determining one’s place in life. The personality of guys, as a rule, has already been formed, and they clearly imagine their future. Here you can meet several types of young people:

• The first type is interested in everything except girls. As a rule, these are either guys obsessed with their careers, cars or friends. If you meet this type, then know that he either hasn’t “worked up” yet, or, on the contrary, there have already been relationships in his life in which he got burned;
• the second type of guy, on the contrary, is too fixated on the weak field. Such people are very open in companies, have a lot of ambitions, and do not miss a single skirt. Moreover, such men are a huge success among girls. However, it is important to remember - the psychology of the behavior of guys of this type lies in the presence of a bunch of complexes and a desire to assert themselves;
• The third type of guy is the subject of the famous female belief that “all good men are already taken.” These are independent people who take relationships seriously and respect their lover. The secret of the uniqueness of such guys is simple - a lot depends on the girl herself. What do you need to do to get a guy like this? Let's figure it out further.

Since we are talking about male logic, let's dispel all the myths lovingly created by the female mind. Guys will never think the way we imagine. If you want to understand your boyfriend, learn to think more simply. Coming up with different problems, panicking out of nowhere, drawing terrible pictures of betrayal in your head after a guy received a text message is a purely female prerogative. Men think differently. It doesn’t matter to them that in a cafe someone has the same sweater as him, they never worry about their hairstyle, manicure, dry facial skin and a thousand other small women’s problems. If you want the perfect guy next to you, remember a few simple rules:

The psychology of a guy in love is not as complicated as it seems at first glance. If they give you flowers and show signs of attention, then they certainly like you, and they will try to win you over. Exceptions here are extremely rare. If a young man is interested in you, he will do everything to keep you close. And your task is to make sure that his interest in you does not fade away. Don’t make scandals, trust him, let him know that he is needed and loved. And then your life will be filled with the happiness of harmonious and comfortable relationships.

Last time we talked to you about children's love, which comes to our babies before puberty. Today I propose to discuss teenage love, try to figure out what it is, how to respond correctly to your child’s feelings and help him cope with them.

Puberty is such a complex and mysterious stage of development in the lives of adolescents. At the age of 12-16 years, our children experience intense love, becoming more distracted, apathetic, their mood changes at the speed of sound, and their academic performance decreases. And it is parents who in this situation must take on the role of wise mentors to help their children get through this difficult time. After all, who knows in advance, what if your teenager met his fate?

You shouldn’t take the news of falling in love as a tragedy on a global scale and throw hysterics about it with wringing of hands, fainting and terrible thoughts in the style: “Oh, it’s too early for him to fall in love, he should only have studies in his head.” Remember yourself at this age, your experiences, tossing, fear of confessing to your parents, horror at the thought that someone else besides you will find out about your feelings. Do you remember? And how did you feel? If you are lucky and your parents supported you, do the same with your child. And, if you were unlucky as a teenager, and adults just brushed you off, slapping you on the wrist and punishing you along the way (as was the case with me), you shouldn’t do the same. The opinion that “I coped and survived, and therefore you can too,” can be fatal for your child. Unfortunately, the thought of suicide due to unrequited love and misunderstanding with parents visits teenagers quite often, so they can simply brush it off and not pay attention. If you see that something is wrong with a child, try to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, frankly.

If a child falls in love, then it’s time.

You will have to come to terms with this - the child has grown up. He has grown so much that he is ready to love and accept love. And if you set boundaries: it’s too early for you or he (she) is not a match for you, you will lose the teenager’s trust. What to do, what to do? Let's turn to psychologists for help and see what they recommend.

1. To begin with, you should not elevate yourself above a teenager and put pressure on you with your parental authority - this will provoke a desire to act contrary to you.

2. Your child must understand that you are with him, that his problems are your problems, his experiences are your experiences and that you understand him perfectly.

3. You should not make fun of his feelings - they are too important for teenagers, and your ridicule can hurt him, alienating him from you.

4. Try to choose a calm form of communication so that there is no irritation or mutual aggression - children are already confused by the feelings that have arisen, and then their closest relatives and friends start scandals.

5. No one excludes the possibility that your child’s chosen one or chosen one does not entirely correspond to your parental plans - however, it’s not up to you to choose, in any case, in the most acute period of love, you certainly won’t do anything. You shouldn’t make fun of his sympathy by responding unflatteringly and derogatorily; it’s better to find kind, affectionate words - it’s easy to lose a child’s trust and hard to regain.

6. Super-caring parents will immediately try to give a lecture on the topic of early sexual activity, its dangers, diseases and consequences. Of course, sex education for teenagers is necessary, the main thing is not to overdo it and not provoke excessive interest in that very “forbidden fruit.”

7. To have a clear idea of ​​the object of your child’s adoration, invite him to visit. What will this give you? You will get to know him personally and form your own, objective opinion about him. And it’s better to let them see you at home, in front of your eyes, than somewhere in the gateways. Just don’t “strangle” the young lovers with excessive care, give them a little freedom of action.

8. Choose a good moment and tell about your first love, your experiences, how and how it all ended, what experience you gained.

9. Do not prevent a teenager from making decisions on his own, to take a better look at his object of sympathy, even if he is disappointed in him - this will be his decision, not yours.

And how can you communicate with him, a lover?

A teenager in love does not fully understand what is happening to him: hormones are seething, his mood is up and down, sometimes I love it, sometimes I hate it. Definitely, he needs your support: you are older, you are more experienced, after all, you have already been through this. And young Romeo and Juliet, who so want to be adults, are still on the path of gaining experience and your valuable advice, truthful answers to questions, openness and desire to help will be very helpful.

When a child is in love, he wants to be better, look more beautiful and neat. It's time to teach your offspring how to properly put things in a closet, how to take care of themselves, and a reminder about hygiene would be a good idea. You can go shopping together and pick up a few new things for your child, or beautiful accessories for a girl. In a word, take an active part in the transformation of the child. Your offspring will definitely not hear lectures about their deteriorating studies, but careful conversations on this topic are still worth having. Try to convey to him that quality education is an excellent start for the future and love in this matter is not a hindrance, but on the contrary, an excellent helper. Help plan your day so that you have enough time to do your homework.

Of course, it’s easy to give advice and you can write anything you want, but let’s talk honestly, parents. Answer me this question: Are you scared of your teenager falling in love? Why? What exactly is the source of anxiety? Fear that your child may experience unrequited love? What will suffer and do a bunch of stupid things in this state? Or do you personally not want to worry about this?

In any case, whatever your answers, remember that this is your child, but not property. And he grows, his problems and difficulties also take on a more adult character. Whether you like it or not, he is in love. And it is in your power to help him cope with this avalanche of emotions that are still incomprehensible, let the child feel that you are with him, you are nearby and will always help. Throw your fears and parental jealousy out of your head - they are not helping you. Our children deserve respect, they do not need prohibitions and boundaries, they need our support and love.

Romeo and Juliet - the other side of love.

Let's talk a little about bad habits. Above, I already cited as an example the advice of a psychologist that it is better to get to know the object of your child’s adoration in person. And if you notice that something is wrong with your chosen one, do not rush to immediately throw him out the door. It’s better to talk to your teenager later and try to find out in more detail who his chosen one is and from what family. The age of 14-16 years is a time of experimentation, when yesterday’s children try to imitate adults: they try smoking, get acquainted with alcohol, alas, but also with drugs. And here it is important not to miss the moment when a teenager turns from an interested person to an addict.

Sports, all kinds of interest groups, sections - this is the distraction that will help you protect your teenager from an early acquaintance with adult life. There is no point in scolding, punishing, and even more so beating. As I wrote above, this can provoke action “in spite of”. Conversations that are even better supported by relevant literature will be more effective.

Due to misunderstandings with my parents, I started smoking at the age of 13, and by the age of 15 I became acquainted with alcohol. All this was done in spite of parental prohibitions: don’t go, don’t play, stay at home and study your homework. It is a miracle that with such behavior I did not end up in bad company, but graduated from school decently and was able to enter a university and receive a higher education.

The first sexual experience is also acquired at this age: some learn to kiss, and some acquire a sexual partner. And here it is worth reminding you that conversations with your children about sex education should begin from early childhood, presenting information in accordance with the age of your child. A teenager who knows where and how children come from, what sex is and what the consequences can be is unlikely to want full intimacy at this age.

Let's summarize.

Love is, of course, always wonderful! This is a feeling that elevates a person, motivating him to take actions that were previously unusual for him. This is a set of emotions that cannot be described in one sentence, but without this feeling human life is not perfect. And when our children fall in love, we should not disturb them by creating an obstacle course on the way to the object of their affection. Help them, so young and inexperienced, teach them to respect their chosen ones, to appreciate, to be sensitive and attentive, and caring.

Remember, dear parents, that now you are helping your child learn to love, and how closely and sincerely you take part in his life depends on how he will build relationships with the opposite sex in adulthood.

First love. From 12 to 16 years old Girls 12-14 years old - a mixture of chemical elements, a storm of feelings and emotions. If you fall in love, then for the rest of your life - with the best, the most extraordinary, the most beautiful. And it doesn’t matter to her that the chosen one is most often older, that he is a famous actor or singer. You can be friends with people the same age, but you must love an older young man, and so that everyone loves him, and he only loves her alone. She had already come up with a plan on how to meet him, how they start dating , writes poetry at night and cries quietly. And then, just as quickly, the object of love is replaced by another, either equally distant and unattainable, or by someone who is closer.

At this age, you want a fairy tale, so that everything is like in a beautiful movie or book - and you can’t deviate from the script. A teenage girl might be happy to pay attention to her peer, but he doesn’t notice her because he is not yet mature enough. The boy still doesn’t know that it’s time to think about love seriously and for a long time. He has a lot of interests of his own - sports, computer games , study, self-expression in the company of peers. But if it happens that a teenage boy is imbued with love for a girl, then she does not always reciprocate his feelings. At the same time, the young lady is ready to accept the courtship of the “prince,” but she definitely needs moral support from either her parents or her girlfriend. And even better, both parents and girlfriends.

Boys see and understand that girls pay attention to older guys. In conditions of fierce competition, they begin to either develop their strengths, or go into a vivid demonstration of their “cool”, often antisocial behavior. Start smoking, drinking alcohol , slander, become rude in communication. Girls often do the same thing to please older boys. At this age, moral support from parents or other emotionally significant adults is needed more than ever. Using your own examples, works of art, personal life experience, explain and show the child normal relationship between a man and a woman . Feel free to explain to him all aspects of a romantic relationship, including sexual ones. This is especially true if you have a daughter. After all, it is the girls, who are not yet fully aware of all the changes in their figure, who flirt and flirt with young people, enjoying the attention they receive.

Teenagers often express their feelings in poetry

Yaroslava Zarosilova

educational psychologist

“I know you will fall out of love someday.

Most likely I will love someone else, but know this!

You will be in my heart forever"

How many such poems are hidden in the phones, diaries and laptops of young ladies, how many such sad poems will still be written and rewritten. Every girl wants to become a princess and find a prince, every prince is looking for a princess. It’s just that they are lost in age...

At the age of 15-16 years, emotional and moral development between boys and girls is almost equal. Romantic relationships that arise at this age are more thoughtful and not as fleeting as before. If literally a year or two ago the object of passion could change several times in a month, now everything is stable and constant.

When there is no reciprocity, a teenager in love looks for a reason either in himself or in the environment. The child may withdraw into himself go into depression . The main thing is to always be close to him, talk, discuss and not let him become isolated. You can get him interested in sports or an artistic hobby so that the teenager can properly work out the romantic feeling and extract the maximum positive results from it.

Explain to your child that love is a priori mutual! The fact that he is deeply in love is wonderful, he is now familiar with this feeling. Show him that many famous works of art were written during times of falling in love. Perhaps your child will begin to write poetry, paintings, and music. The main thing is to direct all emotional power into a creative direction, and you will see that very soon your child will no longer experience the bitterness of disappointment or rejection.

If your child falls in love - Do not under any circumstances give any assessments to his or her chosen one, maintain neutrality. Remember, the more you demonstrate your dissatisfaction, the more the child will provoke you to do so.

Be a friend, adviser, protector, and reliable support for him. Perhaps your child’s first love will be his only love for the rest of his life. Let these feelings live!