Galina, good afternoon!

It is probably absolutely natural for a man to give preference to work and money - after all, evolutionarily it so happened that he is the head of the family, the breadwinner, and the quality of life of his loved ones depends on him. And the fact that your husband takes this responsibility upon himself characterizes him only from the best side. Imagine possible other options: he sits at home, and you yourself are trying your best to provide for your family, or he works at a job that is absolutely uninteresting for him and gets a pittance for it, and in the evening at home every day, I emphasize, every day he vents his irritation on you and the children. Do some unattractive pictures come out, in your opinion? Compared to them, the situation you described may not be ideal, but it is far from the worst option.

Of course, it is very difficult for you not only morally, but also physically: living in a private house, which requires a lot of effort and time to maintain, two small children requiring constant attention... But such periods happen in the life of every woman, and one way or another, this is a phenomenon passing. Children grow up, go to kindergarten/school; time costs for farming are optimized with experience; free time appears for yourself, your beloved....

By the way, about time for yourself, your beloved... it is very necessary to carve out at least a little bit, even in the current situation. But don’t forget about time for your beloved husband. Imagine, he hasn’t been home for three weeks, comes to visit his family for a week, and instead of kindness and affection - “debriefing”, reproaches, a tense atmosphere... Any man, even the most ideal one, will simply begin to live in “avoidance” mode. One way or another, the “weather in the house” initially depends on the woman. Take care of her!

Maybe it makes sense to accept the situation for today as it is. After all, the situation itself is determined not only by the “wants” of your husband, but also by economic factors... And having accepted everything, calm down, sit down with your husband and kindly, as is typical only for close and loving people, and talk about plans for the future, outline possible options for the development of events and start taking action. As a woman, a note: as a rule, everything can be solved with kindness, love and affection.

Family life is, in addition to joint housekeeping and full-fledged sex, also mutual “mental work” of both spouses, and constant. After all, tango is danced together!

Crises happen in every family, and more than once throughout history. They are due to many reasons, both objective and subjective. Behind the facade of any seemingly prosperous family there are always hidden stories of these crises. The whole question is whether people want to be together, whether they value each other. If Yes, then no crisis is scary, and it will pass, and thanks to it, the family will be able to reach a qualitatively new level of life, both materially and spiritually, build and adjust new relationships, because life makes its own adjustments (you remember with longing as it was before, but there were no children before, and you were both different...). And if No - well, then this is a separate story, with other plans, and while I don’t want to discuss it with you, I hope that this story is about you...

Finally, I suggest that you don’t even waste energy, time and emotions on fortune-telling about possible betrayals. For now, try to give your man as much love, support and kindness as possible. See how events develop. Be sure to outline a joint action plan with your husband to reorganize your life, especially since the New Year is ahead, so it’s natural to make plans for the New Year... Turn it all into a game that’s enjoyable for both of you, add more warmth and emotions, and enjoy it. After all, every woman is a born actress, use your talent to the fullest.

I sincerely wish you patience, patience again and good luck!

May the New Year holidays become a turning point in the life of your family and bring you all a lot of goodness, warmth and love!

And remember that a lot is in your “weak but strong” female hands.

Sincerely,

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer “Galina, good afternoon! It’s probably absolutely natural for a man to give preference to work and money...” to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

When your lover leaves for another city on work matters, you should not waste time. During his absence, try to improve your skills in this or that matter. For example, to spend your day usefully, you can master some culinary masterpiece and then surprise your man with it. In addition, a husband’s business trip is an excellent chance to spend time with his loved one, relax, visit a spa, hair salon, manicure and pedicure salon, and go shopping. Spend a few days of your husband’s business trip at your leisure, relax, and a couple of days before his return you can start preparing for his arrival.

How to meet your husband from a business trip?

Before you start organizing a meeting with your beloved spouse, take into account all the details of the trip. If the business trip lasted long enough, and a lot of time was spent on the road, most likely your man will be pleased with a hot bath, home-cooked healthy food and a sound, restorative sleep. If your beloved has not been subjected to special stress, you can try to give him a small but pleasant surprise.

First of all, you must prepare your long-awaited legal spouse a delicious dinner with his favorite dishes, but you need to organize everything so that the dinner does not look ordinary. Create a romantic atmosphere in your home: dim the lights, turn on slow lyrical music, use scented candles, open a bottle of red wine or champagne. If you don’t like or don’t know how to cook, just order food in a restaurant and set a beautiful festive table yourself. If you are confident in your abilities and are able to cook your own food, everything is in your hands. Just don’t forget about hot pastries, which are a symbol of home comfort and warmth.

After a romantic dinner, you can prepare a more original and piquant surprise for your beloved man. Wear lace lingerie, stockings, high heels, a short skirt and a sheer blouse with a zipper or snap (so you don't have to take it off over your head). An alternative to this outfit could be a short, tight red dress. Select an erotic melody from the player and please your spouse with a passionate, exciting dance, the continuation of which will be a stormy, unforgettable night.

Parents send boys and girls to children's camps. And bosses send big men and women on business trips. And although the goals and objectives of these trips are different, they are united by the following circumstances:

• a person is in a new place and, accordingly, receives new impressions;
• new experiences improve your mood;
• lack of total control from parents or significant other;
• there is a feeling of permissiveness and impunity.

Therefore, teenagers often become acquainted with tobacco and alcohol in the camp, and adults cheat on each other. What should a wife do if her husband cheated on her on a business trip? And what if this trend continues?

Why is he cheating?

Usually they work on a business trip; this is a work trip, after all. But sometimes men still look for adventure. And, by the way, if he constantly travels to the same place for work, then the likelihood of betrayal increases. After all, he has familiar and favorite places there.

There can be a million reasons for male infidelity. But it may even be that he is satisfied with his family life, loves and appreciates his wife. And as soon as he leaves home, he immediately finds someone else. What's the matter?

Looking for new sensations

The fact is that each of us wants variety and thrills. Some people jump with a parachute, some go with the whole family to an amusement park, and some cheat. And in this case, betrayal does not carry a serious emotional burden for the man. It's like a roller coaster ride: it was great, you can brag to your friends and that's it.

Very often, such men make wonderful husbands and fathers. They are attentive and caring. And once they are free, they allow themselves what they have long dreamed of and limited themselves.

By the way, some women also seek thrills in this way. And the wife’s betrayal will be due to the same reasons as the husband’s betrayal.

Second family

It’s a completely different matter - when the husband’s business trips become frequent, he leaves for the same city. And the women there don't change. It turns out that he created another family. In fact, his second wife is waiting for him there.

Why does he need this? He is happy both with life with you and with life with another. Whether he loves someone other than himself is impossible to say for sure.

This means that he values ​​his comfort and coziness higher than the feelings of others. When his adventures become known, he chooses the role of a victim caught between two angry women.

And he will wait until they figure it out themselves and decide with whom he will live. Most likely, he is an opportunist in life and an egoist.

Succumbed to influence

One more case of accidental betrayal can be described. My husband went on a business trip and made a successful deal. And I went with my colleagues to a sauna or a bar to celebrate. And they were surrounded by pretty girls. And the absence of his wife on a business trip allows him to feel a decrease in control and liberation from the consequences.

And under the influence of dizziness from success, alcohol and freedom, a man loses control over himself. Or he understands that his wife will never know about it.

Or colleagues who are not burdened with families or strict moral principles take him “weakly”: isn’t he a man or what? And again, under the influence of the above, he proves to everyone that he is wow, what a man! To all men, man.

How to understand that he has changed

Signs of a husband’s infidelity on a business trip are not difficult to spot. They will vary depending on the reasons and circumstances of the betrayal.

If cheating is a way to cheer up

If for the husband this connection is casual and spontaneous, but at the same time allowed him to go beyond the ordinary, then his mood will be high. He will be as enthusiastic as he was at the beginning of your relationship.

He will come home with a bouquet of flowers and a big smile. He will hug you, maybe even take you in his arms and spin you around. He will tell you how much he missed you.

But when emotions dull a little, the rhythm of your life will return to its previous course. Until the next betrayal.

If he has a second family

In the case when a husband starts not just an affair, but a long-term relationship in another city, he increasingly leaves for weekends or holidays. It is logical that when employees receive travel and daily allowances, their income increases. But you don’t feel it. On the contrary, you no longer have enough for the usual things.

There was noticeably less money in general. After all, you need to give your mistress gifts, flowers, and you also need to go to restaurants with her periodically. If your husband’s salary is quite average, then you will quickly feel that you are starting to plan your budget more carefully and cut expenses.

Lack of payment for business trips is not only a violation of labor laws, but also a reason for a wife to wonder if her husband is lying to her? To verify this, you can talk to his colleagues. Don’t ask directly why business trips so often fall on weekends and why only your husband goes, he also has a family.

Just ask if they have a lot of business trips, where they go, and if they are tired. To keep the conversation going, his colleagues will tell you everything themselves, and all you have to do is remember and analyze the information received.

The husband's behavior also changes. He becomes secretive, irritable, and goes out to talk on the phone in another room. He constantly receives messages that he deletes after reading. And in response he only snaps at you and demands that you don’t interfere.

He begins to find fault with little things, now he is not satisfied with something that he did not pay attention to before. Moreover, his remarks sound as if he is stopping short so as not to let slip that the other one does it better.

If he was persuaded

If the husband succumbed to the influence of others, then after the betrayal he will feel guilty. But he will try to look and behave naturally so that you won’t guess. But this behavior is immediately noticeable.

And the feeling of guilt will make him help you too actively around the house. And it is quite possible that he will give you something good and expensive, as if for no reason, because he is in a good mood.

If you have suspicions that your husband’s concern is caused by a feeling of guilt and not sincere love, then get tested for sexually transmitted infections yourself and send your husband to a doctor. As a rule, under such spontaneous circumstances, contraception is often forgotten.

Common signs of cheating

In addition to the situations described above, you can add a few more signs of cheating. These include:

• traces of lipstick on clothes;
• the smell of other people's perfume;
• someone else's hair on his clothes;
• husband returned from a business trip with clean things;
• you noticed that his clothes were ironed differently than you do;
• scratches from nails, traces of hickeys and other sexual activities;
• they often write and call my husband after hours;
• he often turns off the phone, you cannot reach him;
• he avoids direct answers to questions and tries to change the topic;
• he began to lie about little things;
• his behavior has changed.

The signs could go on for a long time. But the most important thing is that you will notice that your husband has begun to behave differently. Some gestures, even facial expressions, intonations, movements, reactions to events became slightly different. And he doesn’t seem to notice it, for him everything is as always, everything is as usual.

To forgive or not to forgive?

This is a rather difficult question. How can you answer this unambiguously? After all, you must first take into account all the circumstances, weigh all the arguments for and against breaking up the relationship. Make a decision, think about it again and only then begin to implement it.

At the same time, it is important that emotions do not interfere with your thinking and analysis. Otherwise, such a decision, made ardently, may disappoint you after some time.

If the husband was just looking for entertainment, then, most likely, he will cheat again later in order to again feel this inspiration and surge of strength. Maybe you can arrange for him to seek excitement in other places, like going to the gym in the evenings, since he has so much energy. Maybe this will help for a while. But how can you compare sex with anything else?

If your husband was persuaded by his friends and colleagues, then you can try working with a psychologist. It is important for him to learn to understand his position and defend it. Otherwise, this situation will constantly repeat itself. And you don’t know what your husband might be tempted to do next time.

The most difficult situation is when he has a serious relationship. This is a rather controversial situation. Any decision will not be easy to make. And you will think about any decision you make for a long time.

And in such a situation there is no right or wrong decision. There is only your accepted. And it will be true in any case, no matter how difficult it may seem.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. Married for a year, before that we were in a relationship for 3 years, but the relationship was at a distance. The guy was a cadet, I was a student, we lived in different cities, we saw each other once a month or a month and a half for 1 day. Each time the separation was accompanied by my tears. Then a day later she came to her senses and lived a normal life. Now we live together in another city, everything is fine, but I cannot leave my husband even for a day. I want ALL of his time to be mine. My husband has frequent business trips and every time he leaves for 2-3 days I get hysterical. I understand that my tears bother my husband, they can irritate and interfere, but the most I can do is burst into tears after I close the door, and more often right in front of my husband. He doesn’t scream or freak out, but I myself am disgusted by my weakness. If the husband leaves for a month or two, then the tears and feeling of lack of meaning in life last for weeks. I start to feel sad even before he leaves, anticipating how bad it will be for me. How to deal with this? I have friends, but I don’t want to meet anyone at this time, I have work, but it’s at home and therefore I can’t get distracted. I can come up with activities for myself, sometimes I deliberately postpone some things until my husband leaves, but as soon as he leaves, I no longer feel any interest in anything and make all my plans without enthusiasm, just to kill time. My husband and I spend all our free time from work and business trips together, but I always want more. At the beginning of our life together, I even tried to go to the bath or do some other business only when my husband was not at home, so that when he was around, I would not be distracted by anything. When we go home to our parents, I even experience a feeling of jealousy (I don’t know how else to describe it) when he communicates, for example, with his mother, and not with me. Naturally, I don’t say any of this to my husband, I have no complaints against him, but all this torments me. I wish it was easier. I want not to cry, not to get depressed. How can I set myself up for this? Or should this go away with time? Or with the birth of a child?

A psychologist answers the question.

Good afternoon, Elena. Your behavior may be justified by long separations from your loved one, but it is not the norm.

What to do? Learn to live self-sufficiently. Waiting for time to pass, waiting for the child to appear is not the case that will change anything. You need to change. And just until the child appeared... After all, then it will be even more difficult.

How to change? Now it’s difficult for you, since there is a certain dependence on the presence of your husband and simple training is not enough. Find a good psychologist or psychotherapist who will conduct SYSTEMATIC classes with you on personal growth and overcoming emotional dependence and jealousy. Only consistent and systematic work on yourself will give results.

What can you do on your own?

Find hobbies you like and force yourself (and at first this is the only way you will have to) maintain this interest;

Expand your range of interests and knowledge: read classical literature, psychological literature, watch films, communicate with different people, sign up for some courses (for example, English or manicure, bed and sewing - whatever you might be interested in), attend exhibitions, museums, learn how to cook deliciously, etc.;

When your husband goes on a business trip, force yourself to communicate with your friends, force yourself to complete the list of things you planned;

Take care of your home and yourself: arrange your home, go to workouts (yoga or gym, Pilates, etc. - choose for yourself what will bring you relief).

“My husband went on a business trip...” For some, such a phrase is the beginning of a joke, for others it is a life often filled with worries, fears, sadness, and maybe even loneliness. A life of partings and joyful meetings.

March 28, 2014· Text: Marina Androsova· Photo: Shutterstock

Let's sit down on the path

The wives of truck drivers, sailors, and archaeologists may not see their husbands for six months. At the same time, they maintain warm relationships in the family. Olga is tired of long lonely evenings, but she understands that another job does not suit her husband: “He is a sailor! I knew who I was marrying. Why put a person before such a choice: me - or the sea and your work, your hobby, your life? No, I don't want him to sacrifice like that. I am waiting!" In such a family, everything has already been discussed, decided, settled.

Tatyana is horrified by any of her husband’s business trips, even if he flies away for a couple of days: “I can’t even fall asleep without him. I worry all the time how he is, whether everything is okay. I'm counting down the hours until he returns. And when his phone doesn’t answer, what comes to mind!”

Victoria cannot find any relief from jealousy, because as soon as her husband leaves, her friends and relatives hint that “a married man is free on a business trip.” “I trust my husband, but when they warn you all the time, tell you different stories on these topics, like it or not, you start to keep it in your head. When my husband returns, I torment him with questions and suffer myself.”

A very common problem on business trips is, of course, jealousy. The stereotype of a man walking in another city is quite developed. But this is not always the case. If your husband is not with you in spirit, he doesn’t need to leave for another city to end up in someone else’s bed. You can become free just outside your apartment. Constant suspicions, mistrust, and checks cannot but spoil relationships. Therefore, if you do not want to harm yourself, try not to listen to “good advisers” and cut off such conversations mid-sentence. Just think that your husband gets an additional reason for jealousy, because you are also left alone. And you can feel like a fluttering butterfly even with three children. Therefore, talk more, discuss such issues, but without reproaches, but with trust and love.

“When your family is waiting for you,” says Mikhail, “let alone on a business trip, even at work, everyone thinks about one thing: finish everything and go home!” Let your husband be sure that you are waiting for him, that you love and trust him. Do you know what can be done? Slowly put something tasty in his suitcase: an orange or a red apple. When he discovers it, he will understand that, although you are far away, you are nearby and care about him. Maybe your child will want to give dad some small but favorite toy for good luck and a good road? I think a little bunny or a tin soldier will touch and warm your heart on a long trip.

When a dad is forced to frequently go on business trips and not see his child for a long time, it is not easy to establish communication. Here you need help from your mother. The most important thing is to let the baby understand that his dad loves him very much and that even there, in another city, he remains his dad.

Waiting, waiting, waiting!

So he leaves and we stay at home. What should you do and how to spend this time?

Let's keep in touch. With modern communication methods, you can keep in touch all the time. However, remember that this is a business trip and your husband may have to do a lot of work in a short time. Don't distract him with endless calls and text messages. It is enough to contact him in the morning and evening.

Let's get ourselves in order. My husband's business trip is the perfect time to get myself in order. You can go on a diet and not be tempted by your husband’s dinner. You can spend time in the salon or start doing exercises. Let your reflection in the mirror be even more attractive when your husband arrives. There is time to think about how to do this.

We enjoy our solitude. Forced loneliness can be brightened up by those things that usually cannot be done with a husband for various reasons. Talk on the phone, spend time with friends, go shopping... (Be a little free, but use this freedom for the benefit of family life. So that it doesn’t turn out like in the joke: “My husband arrives from a business trip, and there...”) View « these TV series again,” read more bedtime stories to children.

When will dad arrive?

When the husband leaves, it's not so bad. But when dad leaves... The father has a special role in raising the child. The mother is comfort, love, care, while the father is maturity, inner strength, confidence and freedom that awaits the child outside the nest. When a dad is forced to frequently go on business trips and not see his child, it is not easy to establish communication. Here you need help from your mother. The most important thing is to give the child absolute faith that his dad loves him very much, that even there, in another city, he remains his dad. There is no need to apologize for your husband, you need to explain that he is doing important work that benefits many people, that he is a professional in his field, and any business requires time and effort. There is no need to say that “dad is trying so hard for you, for your good.” The child will feel guilty, annoyed and a certain burden of responsibility. Is it really because of him that dad is forced to work at night, go on long business trips and come home so tired?

To prevent your child from experiencing such feelings of guilt, you should listen to our following advice.

1) Wait for dad together. Tell your baby right away when he arrives. You can even bend your fingers or mark days on the calendar.

It’s good if, in addition to the words: “Son, you remain with the eldest!” Listen to your mom like an adult!” - Dad will come up with some tasks for the baby. This could be a drawing, a craft, or daily watering of flowers, feeding fish, or even monitoring the temperature outside.

2)Let the father prepare letters in advance for his beloved child or small gifts. If the child is small and cannot read the text, let it be a message with a picture. You can hide small surprises in the apartment and then tell them over the phone where the baby can find a sign of daddy's care and love. This way the baby will know that they remember him, think about him, and miss him. Just don’t get carried away with gifts: care should also be intangible.

3) Organize constant communication between the child and dad. This could be a conversation on Skype or by phone. If the child cannot answer the call yet, talk to him yourself, but tell him in detail what is new with the baby, what his progress is, and tell the child what dad said.

4) Despite the constant departures, try to let your husband know everything about the baby, help him more often experience the happiness of raising a child, be proud of him, and feel how nice it is to be a father.

5) Never scare your baby with dad. Don’t allow yourself phrases like: “When dad comes, he’ll give you some!” It is convenient to use someone else's authority, but it is very wrong.

6) Don't be jealous of your husband and child. Get ready for the fact that when the day of the long-awaited return comes, the baby will hang on to dad and won’t even let you talk. If your husband arrives during the day and the child does not sleep, give him the opportunity to get enough communication. Don’t be surprised if the baby, already minding his own business, comes running to you to check if his father is there.