Should a man be given a choice? Beloved or girlfriend - Transnistria Forum, PMR forum. Male psychology: who will he choose?

The site for those who are in love with themselves, Koshchka ru, is today ready to give advice to those who often become an extra corner in a love triangle - mistresses. You, of course, know that he has an angry and ugly wife, with whom he has not slept for 5 years, she will not give him a divorce, and he is with her only for the sake of the children. You know, because you - mistress.

Have you ever seen your rival, the ugly one?
Was she interested in the number of bedrooms in the house (if he doesn’t even sleep in the same room with her)?
Did you offer to talk to this “bitch” about the divorce?
Does she even know about you?

It’s not for nothing that they say that in a love triangle one corner is extra. As a rule, this is the mistress's corner. And if a man is faced with a choice - a wife or a mistress, then the betrothed more often wins. Why? Because it’s more comfortable with a wife, she is for life, it’s warm and cozy with her, and a mistress is for love and consolation. And you wonder, ?

Secret partisan intelligence

How can a mistress become a better wife? The answer is simple: you need surpass her. This will be your main task. Let’s talk further about how to solve it.

Firstly, you have one advantage that your lover’s wife most often does not have - you know the enemy, so to speak, by sight. That is, you know about the marital status of your chosen one, while the wife does not always know about the existence of her mistress.

Secondly, you can conduct “secret reconnaissance.” One way or another, your man will tell you something about his wife (of course, complaining more often than praising). And he will never talk to her about you. You, as a woman who is looking for all the ways to become better than his wife, will listen carefully and shake his head, remember everything that his betrothed does not satisfy him with. This will be your main weapon.

Thirdly, using your body, you will captivate his soul - lure him to your rear.

Remember, in the article “” we already talked about who a man would want to stay with. To win this fight, try to combine in yourself all those qualities that the husband considers the best in his wife (and, believe me, they exist, since he is still with her and not with you: an excellent mother, clean, an excellent cook and etc.) and not lose those he found in you. Ready to become a superwoman? Then let's begin.

Do you know how men joke among themselves about the ideal lover?

It is better if she is bald - so that there is no hair on her clothes after meetings;
I didn’t use cosmetics - the reason is the same - no traces;
She was mute - so that she didn’t tell anyone about your relationship;
She was allergic to flowers and perfumes - so that there were no costs and other people’s compromising odors;
She was an orphan - so that her mother wouldn’t ask about who this man was? And so on and so forth.

It is quite possible for a mistress to become better than his wife - especially if you carefully listen to a man’s stories about his wife and draw conclusions about her mistakes!

Our task, of course, is similar - to become ideal lover for your man. But the goal is not to hide from the whole world, but to become better than his wife, and in the case when a man is faced with a choice between you, not to be an extra corner of the triangle.

The first piece of advice on how to become a better mistress than your wife is: sex(one of the reasons why a man chose you, his mistress) should be such that he wants to return to you again and again. This is how you will keep him close to you at first, so that later you can prove that you are better than his wife. Create such an atmosphere in your home that a man will be drawn to you: listen to him carefully, praise and support him more often.
The second tip is to be open. don't compete with your rival wife, don't criticize her. Just ignore it. Try to stop all your sweetheart’s stories about his rightful chosen one in time. Behave in such a way that the man does not even allow the thought that you are afraid of her, that you see her as a rival. For him, you must be the best! Pretend that you ignore all his stories about her, but at the same time listen to what he doesn’t like about his wife (arranges interrogations about where he has been and with whom, throws hysterics for any reason, etc.) Fundamentally change the conversation to another topic, for example , he starts talking about what his wife did, and you ask him: “Would you rather have a sandwich with cheese or sausage?” Well, something like that. And you quietly remember to yourself what he doesn’t like about his wife because, as they say, forewarned is forearmed - you won’t make her mistakes.
The third tip on how to become a better wife is to in conversations, do not insist on breaking up their relationship, but behave in such a way that the man understands that he will be better off with you than with his wife. He must decide to take this step himself when he is ready for it. Not when he convinces you that there is still a little bit left, but precisely when he himself realizes this.

As you can see, you have a chance to surpass her, which means you know what war tactics to choose, and how to behave with your beloved man, how to become better than your rival wife.

But if you see that his wife is still a worthy chosen one and you, knowing your man well, understand that this is the woman with whom he feels good and comfortable, and you still turned out to be a third wheel, then find the strength in yourself go aside. Or come to terms with the role of a mistress - the one who is for love, but for life he has another. And although you think you know, , he has already made his choice - he is not going to part with her.

Yuli4ka - especially for Koshechka.ru - a site for those in love... with themselves!

Question for a psychologist:

Good day.

Perhaps I'll start from the very beginning. I was born into an ordinary Soviet family in the distant republic of Uzbekistan, I was raised by a strict grandmother and an always working mother, my father abandoned me before birth. She grew up as an ordinary child, a good student, a diligent, neat girl, who grew into a caring, clean woman, without bad habits, homely, warm and cozy. But by the will of fate or the policies of states, it so happened that after the death of my grandmother, my mother and I had to move to Russia for permanent residence, like Russian immigrants. It was difficult, cold, hungry, but we are alive, healthy and still hoping for the best.

Nine years ago I met a young man, he was attentive, caring, kind. They started living together, making plans, even asking her to get married. At that time, I had huge problems with citizenship, I was a citizen of Uzbekistan, and the Federal Migration Service advised me not to burden myself with the issue of marriage and subsequent paperwork, etc. It took me 15 years to achieve Russian citizenship.

Lesha came into my life simply with a suitcase in his hands, we lived and still live renting a house. For the first 4 years we lived in a separate rented apartment, and then my mother was laid off from work and sent to a well-deserved pension. Mom, as a person who worked all her life, of course became confused, her teeth began to fall out from stress and became haggard, she grew old, she tried for six months to find a job in her profession as an accountant, but it didn’t work. She settled at home, moved into our rented accommodation and locked herself within 4 walls. She behaves quietly, but is always dissatisfied; in response to my requests and hysterics to get out of this state, she becomes aggressive and nothing changes. And so for the 4th year. Of course, my man doesn’t like it and neither do I, it’s difficult for us both financially and psychologically. I spin between them, trying to somehow smooth out the situation, although they don’t fight, they just silently ignore each other. But I’m not blind, nothing works for me. I am driven into a corner, there is an opportunity to change my living conditions, but my mother does not want to live with Lyosha under the same roof (she thinks that he is not a match for me), and he is categorically against buying a house and living with his mother-in-law. But I don’t have the opportunity to take out 2 mortgages or rent 2 apartments. Today my dear, kind man confronted me with a fact: either my mother leaves or I leave. I consider this betrayal on his part, knowing our life situation, it is despicable. Help me find a reasonable way out, how not to offend my mother and support her, and not lose a man, or maybe just leave everyone...

Psychologist Almira Miralievna Golodova answers the question.

Hello, Alinka! You have had to face problems more than once. But you solved them quite successfully.

Now what? Your mother did not find a use for herself, was not able to make the transition from active to calmer activity, or rather, she was not ready for retirement. She couldn't find an alternative. Unfortunately, people are not prepared for life in retirement. You write that you offer your mother to get out of the state into which she has driven herself, but your mother is aggressive. How and what do you offer her? How can you “load” it? What can and does she want to do? You can consider options. Your loved one has lived with you for 9 years, and now he is faced with the choice “either me or your mother”? This is not a choice, this is pure manipulation of you.

You have to clearly place emphasis. Mom is one person and that is mom. A loved one is another person. There can be no question of any choice here! This is not a choice!!!

They have an opposing relationship: discontent, burdened with each other. Because your mother cannot solve her problem, she takes it out on your man “he is not a match for you.” And your man suddenly has an idea about himself who knows what. Accordingly, all the negativity goes to you.

You move between them, you are an intermediary. Stop being between them! Sit down together at a round table and start solving real problems! So say that there is an opportunity to change living conditions, that is, to live BETTER! But we can only live better together. And this fact is not discussed. Everything else is discussed and discussed.

17.11.2010, 01:08

Your actions?

17.11.2010, 07:24

Imagine this situation:
Your beloved man gets to know your closest friend, with whom you are very close; you have been together for at least 10-15 years.
Your girlfriend and your boyfriend really didn’t like each other, they were antipathetic to the point of hating each other.
A man puts you before a choice - either you break off all relationships and communication with your friend, or he leaves.
Your actions?

You need to break with the one who sets the conditions!!!

Native Natural

17.11.2010, 08:24

As a rule, it is the girlfriend who breaks off the relationship, not the husband and wife in such a situation.

Firstly, don’t make or raise children with your girlfriend (physically, this is only possible through IVF)
secondly, a friend will be a friend for a year or two or ten, and then she will find herself a man and leave her to raise the children with him, leaving you in the lurch with your ambitions/divorces.
thirdly, there is less “blood” when parting. since a “friend” sets conditions, then this is NOT a friend, but... a colleague/neighbor/etc. and it’s not a pity to part with such friends.

Alternatively, you can simply keep their “dates” to a minimum. communicate with a friend online on Skype, rather than having a tea party at home for the three of us.

17.11.2010, 08:48

If they love a person, they will not limit his freedom of communication. And a loving girl herself will give her man so much attention that he will not think that he was deprived of this attention. And he will have no desire to issue ultimatums. Or or...........
Otherwise, leave your girlfriend today, then don’t communicate with your parents, then he’ll get into something else. It's better not to deal with such cretins. Well, if love is evil, then put it in its place using their own methods. Since it’s impossible to separate, it’s impossible. (Yes, they will disperse anyway!!!)

17.11.2010, 09:26

For me, if a man sets such conditions, he makes his “beloved” very painful by presenting her with such a choice, and that means he does not love her.

Katenka - I agree

Native Natural

17.11.2010, 09:40

....
Dear Natural, in the situation I described, the man sets the conditions.

Sorry, I didn't read it carefully.
and also my own stereotype of family life worked, because I’ve been reading the phrase together for at least 10-15 years. and I didn’t see at all that this, it turns out, referred to my friend:ck:

17.11.2010, 10:32

Lover or girlfriend

Your beloved man gets to know your closest friend, with whom you are very close; you have been together for at least 10-15 years.
Your girlfriend and your boyfriend really didn’t like each other, they were antipathetic to the point of hating each other.
A man puts you before a choice - either you break off all relationships and communication with your friend, or he leaves.
Your actions?

17.11.2010, 10:44

Lover or girlfriend
Imagine this situation:
Your beloved man gets to know your closest friend, with whom you are very close; you have been together for at least 10-15 years.
Your girlfriend and your boyfriend really didn’t like each other, they were antipathetic to the point of hating each other.
A man puts you before a choice - either you break off all relationships and communication with your friend, or he leaves.
Your actions?

A true girlfriend will never interfere with true love. In general, in this situation there can be many shades. Is your friend jealous? What then is the background of your relationship? Does your friend simply have no one else to talk to? You have found love, you spend more time with your loved one, but this is so natural, a true friend should be happy for you. One of my acquaintances in his youth did not insist that all relations with his girlfriend be terminated; the girlfriend ruined the whole life of his former passion, since because of his girlfriend they broke up, and very painfully. And her new boyfriend, from a friend, suited only the friend in everything, but not his passion. As a result, he drank himself to death, not without the help of her friend. The family turned out to be unhappy.
In general, such ladies who suddenly have such a choice, personally make me wary, I leave them myself.

It goes without saying that if friends are really friends, then they will not ruin each other’s lives. Everyone understands that personal happiness is personal. That there are no strangers in it. But this is not exactly the question you answered, although maybe you understood it that way. I also thought it all that way at first, then I realized that I was wrong. After all, we are talking rather about selfishness on the part of a man in relation to the woman he “beloved”. Indulging in such behavior means losing all your friends and not having the opportunity to communicate outside of each other.
If only your beloved passion could tell you that she really doesn’t like your friend, and he, in turn, doesn’t have a very good opinion about your girlfriend. They say she's such a whipper, why should you find her better? You will explain to your friend that this is your choice. Or stop talking to him altogether.
And if your friend tells you that it’s your choice to live with her, it’s my business, God grant you happiness, but I don’t understand your choice. That is, he is not against her, but he does not want to communicate with her because perhaps he considers her not worthy of you. You, too, at the whim of your beloved, would break off your friendship with him or say that this is your friend and it is not her concern who you communicate with outside the home and not to the detriment of personal relationships with her.

18.11.2010, 23:39

There is no need to break off relationships... because everything can be discussed... because of such an attitude, there is no need to break off!
I have such a situation..currently I’m in the role of a friend)))) and I was slightly pushed to the back burner)) I think it’s inappropriate..but apparently that’s the way it should be) in her opinion)))
and in general...there is no female friendship)

Vasya Pupkin

23.12.2010, 00:01

You need to break with the one who sets the conditions!!!

I criticize. It’s just a pity that friends sometimes get offended. I have to turn on the politician.

Justice

07.08.2011, 18:58

You need to explain to those at war that you are not comfortable...

23.04.2012, 15:35

What is the point for someone to go somewhere? As a rule, if conditions of this kind are set, then, in this case, “girlfriend” is just an excuse for separation, or at least a quarrel.

There is also a situation when a young man introduces a friend to his girlfriend and they don’t like each other to the point of horror, and then the friend begins (well, not to set conditions in the form of an ultimatum) but begins to methodically drip on the guy’s brain, “What do you say you see in her?” etc. The same scenario happens with girlfriends......
and very often, because of this kind of dripping from friends, not only couples break up, families break up....

23.04.2012, 16:01

Your girlfriend and your boyfriend really didn’t like each other, they were antipathetic to the point of hating each other.
A man puts you before a choice - either you break off all relationships and communication with your friend, or he leaves.
Your actions?
The author is interested in ACTIONS under such conditions. and not evaluations of people and actions.

23.04.2012, 19:39

You need to lock your significant other and your partner in the basement for another day and let them dry off. I think their common misfortune will make them friends..........

Vyacheslav_R

23.04.2012, 22:16

The author is interested in ACTIONS under such conditions. and not evaluations of people and actions.
First, I’ll find out the reasons for antipathy (this is quick, because people are close to me and I feel them without interfering)) (well, here’s how to conjugate))) into their souls, what motivates them), second, I’ll decide how much and what is fair in their opinions (there can also be erroneous antipathy, and even vice versa - antipathy is veiled sympathy))), is it still possible to make them friends (and is it worth it, what if you lose both your loved one and your girlfriend, people in love are weak and selfish)...
As in one children’s book - “in response to mom’s expression, “a pretty friend will come to us,” dad always grinned, he didn’t believe that mom had cute friends”...
In general, this is one of the most difficult and delicate situations in life!

Yes, just a different path in life. For our days and nights, sadness,
Thank you for everything, my dear friend, No wonder, it was not stupid, but it was not nice.
We will remember with a smile, It will only be painful to get used to:
We are not enemies, we will not be friends either And maybe someday, over the years
This park is in the rain again... You are in my heart forever.
We say goodbye, but we do not part, Our love is strong, it will return. :fh:

Unfamiliar

09.06.2012, 21:01

talk to your husband and offer him an option so that he never sees his girlfriend, i.e. communicate with her in free time on foreign territory)) something like this)

Relationships between a woman and a married man are a common occurrence in the modern world. Many ladies are seriously wondering what to do in such a situation - take the man away from the family or leave? What to do if you are in a relationship with a married man or are about to enter into one? We will talk about this in our article today.

What if he is married?

Women enter into relationships with a married man—a “married man”—for various reasons. Some of the fair sex sincerely believe that they can steal a successful and attractive man from their wife in order to start a family with him, some are “led” by promises of gifts and a beautiful life, and some simply do not know about their true status for this man, since he carefully hides the fact that he is married.

Other girls have low self-esteem, believing that the most they can count on is the position of a mistress. from our previous article.

In any case, this state of affairs most often does not suit women who want to start a happy family, and not be content with the status of “eternal number two” in the life of their loved one.

“Beloved”, day after day, continues to hang noodles on his ears, served with different “sauces”. The most popular of them are “my wife doesn’t understand me the way you do”, “you’re much better at sex”, “I can’t leave her yet, she’s sick” and so on.

And girls are happy to be deceived: they believe that the moment will come when the beloved will understand that his mistress is superior to his wife in all respects, and will leave his family for a new love.

Wife or mistress: who is more valuable?

That is why such girls strive with all their might to “win” in the “war” with their legal spouse, meeting a man in sexy lingerie, serving him masterpieces of culinary art, unquestioningly obeying him and certainly not informing him of their own boundaries.

I can congratulate each of the mistresses who behaves this way and hopes for a speedy change in their own status in the eyes of a man: most likely, nothing will work out for you.

Women and men are built differently. The first ones are constantly drawn to change, improve and choose something. The latter (men) never think about changes if “everything works without them.” Only a strong inconvenience that he will not be able to tolerate can motivate a man to change.

Therefore, if he has a wife who successfully runs the household, raises his children, and is also his friend and adviser, and a mistress with whom he can satisfy his physiological needs without special obligations, and who always looks his best, not making demands, then be sure of his own free will, he would never “choose just one.” It's convenient for him anyway.

Relationships with a married man: dangers

It will be unpleasant for you to read this, but I have to warn you: the best way out of an unpleasant situation is to break up with a married man. And the point is not so much that “you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune,” but that according to statistics, if men are faced with the choice of “wife or mistress,” in 80 percent of cases the second one ends up “in the dust.”

A man soberly assesses: it is more profitable for him to give up rough sex on weekends or after work than to have an established life and good relationships with his wife and children.

He knows: after abandoning his mistress, his life may change, but not much. But if he separates from his wife, then everything will have to change radically: the former way of his life will collapse, and on its ruins it will be necessary to literally build something new “from scratch” with another woman, who still does not know how she will behave in married life .

Therefore, our advice to you: it is better to consciously leave a relationship with a “married man” before you mess things up. However, if you are unable to simply leave the man you love and still have designs on him, then the desire to “outcompete” your wife simply will not work.

What it will lead to is said just above. Your relationship will simply continue on the same terms until you or the man himself gets tired of it.

To take a man away from the family: is it possible?

And in order to motivate a man to make a choice, the surest, albeit slightly risky, way is to create inconvenience for him.

Men are creatures who love to overcome obstacles and win new trophies. And women are more valuable to them, the more effort men make to conquer them.

Therefore, if you are a “convenient”, reliable option for him, then he is unlikely to want to see you as his wife. Believe me: men will never pay, whether with money, personal responsibility or actions, if there is an opportunity not to do so!

This is neither good nor bad, it’s just that society usually requires much more achievements and energy expenditure from men than from women, therefore, if they can “save” somewhere, men will not miss this chance.

In order for you to have the opportunity to officially get together with your beloved, but still married man, you should block his “trodden path to you.” Set your own boundaries and don't be afraid to do so. Let him understand that you are not always available to him, that you have your own affairs, hobbies, and interests.

And moreover, that you have every right to go on dates with other men (note: going on dates does not mean “sleeping with everyone” - this is important)! After all, he is not your husband, which means he has no right to your unconditional loyalty and devotion.

There is no need to rush to the phone as soon as you hear a ringtone set only for the man you love. You should not postpone your own plans “for later” just because he “deigned” to appear to you in the middle of the night without warning! You shouldn’t rush towards him in sexy lingerie if you’re not in the mood for sex.

Male psychology: who will he choose?

It’s better to use “heavy artillery”: to present him with a choice. It is clear that many women are afraid of this, because they internally understand that he will most likely choose his wife and family.

But understand: your chances are the same in any case. Remember that the probability of rejection from you is already 80 percent out of 100, even if you don’t set boundaries and put the man before a choice!

The relationship will just continue until he gets tired of you. And then it will be even more painful for you, because you spent so much effort and time trying to “win” your loved one “to your side,” but he could not appreciate it and still stayed with his family. Therefore, the best way out is to take the situation into your own hands. This way you can at least save your time and personal dignity.

It is also necessary to choose a married man correctly. After all, if you simply repeat the phrase “when will you make a choice?” every date, then in response you will only hear excuses. A man will simply adapt to this “trouble” and will continue to ignore your needs.

How to motivate a man to divorce his wife?

But in order to motivate a man to make a real choice, you should, firstly, clearly indicate the period during which you will wait for his decision, and secondly, convey to him (and prove this in practice) that during this For this period, you will not see each other, call each other, correspond, or have any contact at all. And only in this case will your lover really make a choice.

When presenting him with a choice, do not humiliate his wife. It’s better to say that you believe in his decency and that he will not leave his family to the mercy of fate, even after leaving it, but will help with money and be responsible for the children, if any.

A man may try to come to you before the end of the term, and most likely he will do this - just to see how serious your application was and whether he can somehow get around it.

And then you have to pull yourself together and ask: “Have you already made a choice?” If in response there are vague excuses, attempts to pity you, and so on, then you simply close the door in front of him, saying that without his unequivocal decision you will not continue the relationship.

How to get over a breakup?

If at the end of the term a man “disappears,” know: he made a choice, and this choice is by no means in your favor. Don’t worry, just cross him out of your life and feel free to start meeting and going on dates with other representatives of the stronger sex - it’s quite possible that one of them will later become your husband, and believe me, this option is much better than years of empty hopes and short meetings on weekends.

And don't be upset. Answer yourself the question (only honestly!), would you really want this “married man” to become your husband? After all, relationships between lovers and between spouses are completely different things!

Would you be able to see him not once a week, but every day, and not only “in full dress, with flowers and champagne,” but in stretched sweatpants, unshaven, with bad breath, irritable, indifferent or closed in on his own affairs?

Would you be able to wash not one, but thousands of dishes after him, cook not one dish a week, but dozens, wash his socks, constantly clean up his scattered things? Would you be able, after a hard day of housework, to constantly meet him in sexy lingerie and completely ready for bed pleasures?

And, most importantly, will you be able to defend him if (when) he has a new mistress, younger and more “competitive”, who is not tired of household chores and everyday problems?

And of course, I recommend it from the creator of our portal.

Hello. I dated a young man for 7 years. Now I am 21 years old and so is he. Over the past 4 years, due to stressful situations, I have gained weight, quite a lot. About 20kg. And our relationship deteriorated. Not even because of his attitude towards me, but because of the way I presented myself. I was embarrassed to go somewhere, was constantly dissatisfied with everything, was jealous of him, checked my phone, etc. He asked me to change, but to no avail. I started, but always gave up. Then I completely fell into apathy and just sat at home all the time. I missed classes at the university and didn’t communicate with anyone. We lived together. He shouted at me, promised to leave, but in vain. Then he cheated on me. I forgave him because... he tearfully asked about it, said that he was mistaken, etc. But again I didn’t change. And this fall he left. I started to change. Now I work, study, lose weight. But he is in no hurry to return. He talks to another girl. Although during these 4 months their relationship did not go further than communication. BUT - they relax together, go to clubs, ride in a car, walk. He continues to come to me. He comes and hugs and kisses, but doesn’t talk about love, and every time I bring up the topic of his relationship, he tells me not to meddle in HIS personal life. We communicate constantly. Every day, he sometimes comes to spend the night with me. But for my birthday he only gave me flowers, explaining that he didn’t know what to buy. I don’t know how to behave, please help me, because... my brain explodes with doubts. I love him, I want to be with him, but how can I change the attitude towards me that has already developed, thanks to my mistakes, and is this possible?
Elizabeth

Hello, Elizaveta! After reading your question, the following picture appears to me.

Your young man, having suffered with you, decided to build a relationship with another girl. Perhaps he can be understood. And you, apparently, treated this situation this way for some time. But we all need certainty, especially in relationships with the men we love. It seems to me that you need to give your boyfriend time and a chance, just as he gave it all to you. Probably, not only you are confused, but he himself does not know what to do in this situation. Even if he and another girl did not develop a close relationship, he may feel responsible or guilty towards her. He doesn’t want to hurt her with his irrevocable and final departure. Or he really loves both of you and doesn't want to lose one or the other. This explains the fact that he still happens to you. And a gift, it seems to me, is neither an indicator of his love nor his coldness towards you. Rather, indeed, he himself is in doubt.

I think that, despite your strong love and affection for him, there is nothing worth doing now, and there is no need. Sometimes there are situations when you just need to “let go” of circumstances and wait for everything to end by itself in one way or another. Of course, this could end badly for you. Namely, your boyfriend will decide to finally break up with you and stay with another girl. Well.. And you need to be prepared for this. After all, he is not your property, which you can unlimitedly dispose of and order who he should love, with whom he should live, etc. The most important thing in such a situation is to continue to live and be strong. Don’t give up again, don’t feel sorry for yourself, eating this pity with kilograms of sausage and buns, don’t close yourself in “your shell”, avoiding communication with other people. On the contrary, in this case you will need to mobilize all your spiritual and physical strength and move forward in spite of all adversity. Of course, the easiest thing is to close yourself off from everyone and everything and sit quietly in your nook. But this is the road to nowhere. Therefore, force yourself to live and over time you will be able to look at this situation differently - you will understand more, see other sides of your relationship and, perhaps, change your attitude towards many things.

Naturally, you can go the other way and invite your man to make a choice. I’m sure you shouldn’t give him ultimatums like “it’s either me or her.” Try to talk to him calmly, or better yet, write to him all your feelings, worries and doubts in a letter. Let him know that you still love him and don't want to lose him, but you can't share him with another woman. Invite him not to meet with you for some time at all - a month, two or six months. During this time, both of you will be able to look at your relationship and situation somewhat detached, as an outsider, and understand what each of you needs. I don't think that's a long time for a long-term relationship like yours. Do not deprive yourself of pleasure during your separation from your loved one and do not refuse invitations from friends to the cinema, theater, or trips to nature. Perhaps, sitting alone with your bitter thoughts, you forgot that there are a large number of other joys in the world. Feel yourself in a new circle of other people, dancing in discos, skiing or swimming in the sea. All this cannot replace love for us, but it can restore the joy of life and the feeling of happiness from even the smallest victories. Perhaps to your surprise, you won't even miss your loved one.

Try it! It seems to me that this is better than tormenting myself and his demands, hopes and doubts. Be happy!