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“We broke up a long time ago, but I just can’t get him/her out of my head” - sound familiar? Psychologists are sure: there may be several reasons and none of them are related to feelings. Even the desire to go to your ex’s social media pages has its own explanation.

website I decided to look into nostalgia for past relationships, and we came up with 7 different reasons.

1. Unjustified expectations

You were making plans together, already imagining yourself as a happy married couple, surrounded by children and the envious glances of neighbors. Of course, it is difficult to give up on a dream that you have cherished for so long, so the thought of getting closer will come again and again.

Some people put relationships above all else and make them the meaning of their lives. In this case, separation may become the collapse of the whole world and attempts at reunification will seem like the only chance for salvation.

Psychologists advise learning to set priorities correctly, change them flexibly throughout life depending on circumstances, and never go to extremes: the partner should not come first - in a harmonious union, both people are equal and have their own goals.

3. Feeling of incompleteness

The feeling of unsaidness, unresolved grievances and contradictions leave an emotional sediment in the subconscious, which over time begins to ferment like homemade wine. In psychology, this is called “unfinished gestalt,” which prompts us to remember our exes. If you don’t let go of the past and put an end to it, then gestalts will periodically emerge from the subconscious and poison your life.

It’s good when two adequate people can talk and find out everything. But most often the relationship ends with a loud slam of the door. Then psychologists recommend therapy, where you can talk it out and let off steam. Or simply write letters to your ex-partner, but not send them, but express them on paper.

4. Comfort zone

Relationships, especially long-term ones, create a certain comfort zone that is very difficult to leave: an established life, joint purchases, common friends and interests. After a breakup, I want to return stability, the usual rhythm, because building something new is complex and difficult.

But, on the other hand, psychologists are sure that development is only possible outside the comfort zone. Maybe past relationships have been holding you back and it’s time to stop remembering them and open up to something fundamentally new?

5. Emotional dependence

Love is often confused with emotional dependence. But if a loving person can let go, then an addict is ready to make any sacrifice to preserve the relationship.

When things are not going smoothly in a relationship, people tend to remember their former lovers, compare them with their partner, and spy on them on Facebook. Psychologist Laurie Watson calls the desire to visit the pages of former partners “dissatisfaction of the heart” and advises looking for the reason in your current, not past, relationships.

In addition, research into people’s online behavior shows that cyberstalking (using the Internet to stalk a person) further depresses the psyche and makes people depressed. Scientists have noticed that in the era of social networks, it has become more difficult to break up properly. They advise not to give in to the temptation to spy on social networks. As they say, out of sight, out of mind.

7. Sense of ownership

Do you remember past relationships? If not, then share the secret of how you do it. And if you remember, write to us for what reason. (Just make sure your current partner can't read this).

• 9 steps to forget someone
  • Step 2. Get rid of his things and any reminder of him.
  • Step 4. Find your hobbies.
  • Step 5. Avoid loneliness.
  • Step 6. Take care of your appearance.
  • Step 8. Find your mistakes.
• • How to score on a guy

How to forget a person for whom feelings have not yet cooled? You are no longer together, but you are tempted to check his account on social networks for suspicious likes and statuses. Letting go of someone you love can be difficult, but it is vital. This article contains tips for you that will help you forget him as soon as possible and start a new life. Read also,how to get over a breakup.

I can’t forget a person: what does this mean?

Everyone has relationships in life that leave a special imprint. It is especially difficult to survive a breakup in this case. Day after day you remember this relationship and understand: I can’t forget the person, he mercilessly ate into my brain and heart. It doesn’t matter what you do and how much time has passed, and how many people have already been in your life after it. And it doesn’t matter what’s happening in your life now - you still can’t leave it in the past.

Sometimes you just hope that you will meet someone who will make you feel the same way again. But while your ex will take up space in your head, it may take years until you meet someone who completely fills the void.

How to forget the man you love and whether you need to return him

Whether you should think about getting back depends on the reasons why you broke up. Looking back at the past, sometimes we see only good things, but you probably had serious arguments in favor of your separation. Trust yourself and your intuition. If your relationship once seemed far from ideal to you, then maybe it really was like that?

Then what makes you think things will change? You can only try to get a person back if you are sure that you made a mistake. In other cases, you need to focus on how to forget the man you love.

How to let someone go if you break up?

Psychologists say that the ability to end a relationship is an important skill that allows us to live a full and rich life. And if you want your life to be exactly like this, it is important to understand how to let go of a person. By focusing on someone with whom you no longer have anything in common, you lose not only precious time and nerves, but also energy. You may want to forget this person and start building a new healthy relationship, but the old feelings won't let go. And sometimes we feel sorry for the time and effort spent on this relationship.

Sometimes we fall in love not with the person himself, but with so-called projections. We endow our chosen one with some special qualities, properties, talents - and we fall in love with this invented ideal image, and not with a real person.

If you have decided to break up, at first you will probably feel sad, melancholy, and sometimes even physically ill. But if you cannot “let go” of a person for several years, this indicates unresolved difficulties not in relationships with others, but in relationships with yourself. These could be unresolved conflicts with parents, low or high self-esteem, lack of care and attention to you - in childhood and at the present moment.

There is no single recipe for how to let a person go. Heal yourself with new positive impressions, trips, meeting new people. If you have firmly put an end to the relationship and you do not have unresolved psychological problems that bother you, then over time you will forget him.

9 steps to forget someone

Here are 9 simple and effective steps on how to forget the man you love.

Step 1. Realize that the person has left.

The most difficult thing is to forget a person for whom feelings have not yet cooled down - to understand that he will not return again. We need to stop waiting for him. Stop looking out the window in the hope of seeing him or a parked car near the entrance.It is necessary to exclude the possibility of communicating with him - do not call him, block his phone number, put him on the “black list” on social networks. Don't contact him if he initiates it. Don't check his social networks, it's better to block them.

Give yourself the opportunity to truly forget the person.Collect all thoughts about him and mentally throw them out of your head. It's difficult, but necessary. You won't forget as long as you mentally replay the past and possible future scenarios in your head.

Step 2. Get rid of his things and any reminder of him.

Carry out a kind of ritual of farewell to your past. To do this, it is enough to remove all things and, in general, everything that reminds you of unsuccessful love.Feel free to throw all cards, notes and photographs into the trash bin. Give all toys, souvenirs,gifts from your beloved man. Delete all photos of him from social networks and from all gadgets.

Did meetings with your loved one often take place in your apartment or did you even live together?Make a change!This process may seem time-consuming, but it will not only change the direction of your thoughts, but also free you from many unnecessary and painful memories.

Step 3. Start a personal diary.

Keeping a diary helps you understand yourself and your feelings. Every person has a need to speak out, especially when feelings are overwhelming. Not always and not everything can be said even to close people. Write down all your thoughts and memories - everything that you need to “throw out” from yourself. Another good trick -write a letter to yourself.

Step 4. Find your hobbies.

After a painful breakup with a loved one, as a rule, consciousness changes. At this time, the hidden reserves of our body and consciousness are activated. The body classifies the situation as stressful. The consequences are expressed in increased production of adrenaline. Therefore, this period is an excellent reason not only to forget a person, but also to find yourself in a new hobby!

Even if you do not have any special talents, new activities and hobbies will distract you from annoying and unpleasant thoughts.

• Take up sports or dancing. The main thing is that it brings you pleasure.
• Use art as medicine. This can be especially helpful if you have difficulty expressing your feelings in words.Music and painting are great for this.
• Get a pet or plant. Having something alive that depends on you can ease depression.
• Handicrafts are very relaxing; you can do sewing or knitting.
• Photography is an activity that will bring you peace, relax and also give you new impressions and subsequently good memories.
• It will help you take a fresh look at others and yourself in particular.charity. After all, there is a statement that “by helping others, we help ourselves”!

Step 5. Avoid loneliness.

You shouldn't close yourself off from society.A change of scenery has a profound effect on your mood, and taking a walk can be the first step toward improving your emotional well-being.

Research shows that when you are with friends or like-minded people, you calm down, your sense of belonging increases, and your perception of your own worth increases.

Step 6. Take care of your appearance.

Women often try to forget their beloved man with the help of food, that is, eating away stress... And also “lying around,” “lighting a cigarette,” and “washing it down” with grief is not the best option! Under no circumstances try to forget a man using bad habits.

I THINK THAT:	IN FACT:
I want to eat this chocolate bar now, because I am good and unhappy. I want to get out of my head the person with whom we are no longer together and therefore everything is possible for me now.	I'm depressed and broken. If he could forget me, then I’m ugly and useless to anyone. I have absolutely no pleasures in life other than eating food.
Now I will smoke as much as I want. After all, I am now going through a difficult stage in my life.	I will slowly kill myself and I don't care about my health.
Even though I drank yesterday, today I will also get drunk, because I am trying to forget my loved one, which means anything is possible. As soon as I forget, I’ll leave it.	I can't cope with my emotions. I can't forget him in any way. I am weak and weak-willed.
I won't look after myself. But when I forget him, I will become beautiful and neat again.	I don't want to take care of my appearance because I'm depressed. Nobody likes me anyway. And why all this effort? After all, he is not next to me.

It doesn't matter who was to blame for the breakup. Forgive yourself, forgive him, forget the grudges, and go to the beauty salon!Personal care- This is, first of all, a manifestation of self-love. A woman who takes care of herself sees how her skin glows, how beautifully she is dressed, how she has beautiful hair, she likes herself, and this improves her mood. In addition, many procedures in a beauty salon contribute to the production of endorphins, hormones of happiness.

Step 7. Engage in self-development and self-improvement.

When you are trying to forget a person and start living a new life, it is better to put all your energy into developing yourself, and not into new relationships.

It often happens that during periods of complete despair, we do not even know where to look for motivation in order to continue moving in the right direction. Or we don’t know where to get the strength to forget the person. There is no need to knock things out and rush to start a new relationship. Everything has its time. It's better to reconsider your life - perhaps it's time to change something else in it. And only then you can thinkabout new relationships.

Step 8. Find your mistakes.

Take a piece of paper and write down what negative behaviors you have practiced in past relationships. Were you a victim or a dictator? Did you make a sacrifice or demand a sacrifice for yourself? This is necessary so that you do not repeat past mistakes in a new relationship. After all, we always have to pay for unlearned lessons again and again. Try to find and take into account your mistakes. But it is important not to do this too early, when the person has just left and the wound is still bleeding. The point is not to engage in self-flagellation. You must look at relationships as soberly as possible.

Step 9. Surround yourself with positivity.

Positive emotions have an incredibly positive effect on our health, well-being and worldview. You can be encouraged by posting positive quotes in visible places around your home. Or maybe you'll plan a marathon binge-watching of the shows or comedies that have always lifted your spirits.

Give yourself time, and you will probably be able to forget your loved one.To cope with strong emotions, a week is enough for some, and a month or a year for others.Separate his figure from your life in your mind - only then will you be truly happy. Forgetting a person means letting go of all emotions towards him.

How to get a person out of your head: a psychological technique for breaking up

There is a simple exercise on how to get a person out of your head: sit on a chair, sit on the chair opposite some soft toy, pillow or any object that reminds you of him. Imagine that same person is sitting opposite you. Focus on your feelings - what are you experiencing? Resentment, anger, joy, fear, grief?

Based on them, “talk” to your counterpart, tell him about your grievances or fears. Say out loud that you want to end the relationship and revisit your feelings. Analyze them. Perhaps this exercise will help put an end to relationships in your mind and heart.

How to score on a guy

If you're still young and this is your first or second breakup, it can be especially difficult. But you need to understand that this separation in your life is far from the last. If you don’t know how to forget about a guy, read 9 steps on how to forget a person - they will help you get over a breakup and get back to life. You may feel bad at first, but it will only take a few days or a few weeks.

Try to meet the breakup as calmly as possible and not allow negative emotions to ruin all the good things that happened between you. You need to work on yourself and leave the past behind - only then will your new life be happy and fulfilling.

If you find an error, please highlight a piece of text and click Ctrl+Enter.

I am sure that everyone has a person in their life who leaves a special imprint. For some inexplicable reason, you can’t forget it, you can’t replace it - it’s mercilessly ingrained into your brain and heart. It doesn’t matter what you do and how much time has passed and how many people have already been in your life after him, he is still there - in your head and in your heart. And no matter what kind of relationship you're in now, even if you don't need him anymore, you can't get him out of your head. And from the heart.

You can't forget him. You can't let go.

After all, this would mean that you forget about how this person influenced your life. It would be as if that part of your life never existed. And although he doesn’t play a role for you now, you follow him - maybe even text him sometimes, like his photos. You are friends". But of course you are so much more. You are so much more because of the shared experiences, the relationships that brought you to where you are today.

Even when you are happy and have moved on after him, you don’t even hesitate to visit his page or not: you wonder if he is happy, or you hope that he liked your post. You can’t help but listen to “your song” at least sometimes. And although you understand that now you are very happy without him, he is still there, in your head and somewhere in your heart. You've moved on, but part of him is still with you and you can't explain why you care about him.

Sometimes you want, as Zemfira sang, to throw him out of your head, to shout: “Leave me alone!” And it works. For a while you forget and it stops bothering you. But only for a while, until you think that you want to return to his head yourself. Or maybe you're already there? What if he thinks about you too? What if you both sit and wait to see who will speak first?

But even if you speak, you know it's a dead end. You're stuck in some strange kind of friendship that can only be defined by one word: "it's complicated." And every message, every “like” is a reminder that he remembered you. And you can’t help but think what he wants and expects from you. Why does he find a reason for empty talk? Why all this if you both have moved on and are happy?

And you keep asking yourself what's next. You don’t seem to want to be with him anymore, but you can’t help but think, what would happen if?

Somewhere deep down you know that it's not over yet. You can't get him out of your head and you just accept the fact that he's there. But why give someone space in your head and heart if they don't deserve it?

The reasons may be different, but the main thing is that this person left his mark and influenced our lives. He left such an indelible impression, made such irreversible changes in us, that to forget and let him go would mean forgetting everything that that relationship gave us as individuals.

This person gave you a reason to believe in love, in destiny, and sometimes you just hope that you will meet someone who will make you feel the same way again. And you will meet such a person, but everything will be different, because everyone is unique, everyone has their own special power to change you. And the one who becomes your destiny will have the greatest influence on you.

In the meantime, you will think and remember about your ex. He will take up space in your head until you meet someone who will fill you completely, leaving no room for anyone else. Neither in the head, nor in the heart.

As soon as you have a breakup, you should immediately cut the person out of your life.

It's all over, accept it.

The psychologist’s first advice on how to forget a loved one forever will be exactly this. Your past reality does not exist.

Your ex relationship is dead, the person is dead. Start looking at it this way now.

Let go of the past completely.

It’s like you’re being reborn again and starting with a clean slate.

New world, new people.

2. Absolutely no contact with ex-lovers

Delete any connection with a person:

• in the Internet;
• by phone;
• by mail;
• via Skype and other means of communication.

3. Remove from life all psychological anchors that evoke memories of your former passion.

What anchors need to be removed from life in detail:

• common music that you spent time listening to together;
• gifts (either hide in the basement or give to friends);
• do not go to those locations and places where you had cool dates together before;
• any forgotten things: be it clothes or a lens from a former passion that was not thrown away earlier (it’s time to throw it away);
• delete shared photos and videos on your computer, phone and other media.

Follow these steps, and you will get rid of restless thoughts about how to forget the person you love, but he doesn’t love you, without any conspiracies and other nonsense.

4. Don’t fall into his perception: don’t think about what’s on his mind.

Don’t fall into other people’s perceptions and don’t think about what’s on your ex-partner’s mind!

Otherwise you will fall into the pain of loss.

Do not be interested in the life of your past partner and do not fall into other people's perceptions.

What does this mean in detail:

1. You should not care what kind of relationship your ex-partner is in or who he is with now.
2. It doesn't matter whether your ex is suffering or not. At the moment, only your well-being is important.
3. Don’t hang around or stick to your ex’s social media page.
   Finding out that he is doing better will not make you feel any better.
4. You feel neither better nor worse when hearing rumors or some news about a past person.
   Absolute and complete indifference!

Implement this principle and no longer need advice from a psychologist on how to forget a person with whom you will never be together.

5. Don't blame yourself for never being together again.

In such cases, a person's focus can only be occupied by negativity, and it is a mistake to make only oneself the culprit.

Otherwise, negative energy will accumulate in you.

It is not your fault! What happened happened.

No need to scold yourself!

A fine line, which needs to be remembered.

1. It’s cool that you look for your mistakes, analyze your behavior so as not to repeat your mistakes. BUT: find these mistakes and don’t attack or blame yourself!
2. Find mistakes for yourself so as not to repeat them in other new relationships, and not to go back to your previous partner!

You find your mistakes so as not to repeat them with a new partner and never step on the same rake again.

Remember this, and you no longer need to look for answers to questions from psychology about how to forget the person you love quickly and in a short time.

6. We learn new realizations and lessons so as not to step on the same rake again

Lessons are learned through analysis.

Analysis is done with pen and paper, asking yourself as many questions as possible and answering them in writing.

The more questions, the better.

1. Who is to blame for the fact that you initially chose the wrong partner?
   Answer: myself!
2. Why did this happen, how did you allow this to happen?
   Answer: I had no personal boundaries, I had little idea of ​​the person I wanted to see next to me.
3. What kind of person do I want to see next to me, what do I allow and what do I not allow in a relationship?
   The answer indicates the exact characteristics of personality, not appearance.
4. What have I learned and learned from past relationships?
5. What mistakes should I not make again with another partner?

Be as sincere as possible with yourself when you write your answers to these questions.

This way, you will solve your problems yourself and there will be no need for advice from a psychologist on how to quickly forget your loved one and start a new life.

7. Don't be lonely: know that you always have an abundance of choice.

You must have faith that you will have another person with even more emotional connection and chemistry.

Know that you always have an abundance of choice. You can always find a soul mate.

There is no need to look at this as an everyday duty and a need to get a new partner as soon as possible.

Just understand that it is stupid to hold in your head what is no longer there until your death.

Accept change and don't resist it.

Any breakup that happens to you - this is a time of powerful growth for you.

Remember this and don’t worry anymore about how to forget the person you still like.

8. Don’t blame your old partner and don’t hold a grudge against him, remove the bitterness

Some people like to continue texting their exes even a year after a breakup or calling them from time to time.

People hold onto anger and negativity from past relationships, which then manifest themselves and have an effect in the next relationship. Having the same type of thinking in a new relationship, all the old mistakes will be repeated again.

Don't get caught in this vicious, repeating circle.

A fine line. Instead of becoming angry with your partner, it is better to deeply thank him for what happened!

Through hatred, you yourself will maintain an energetic connection with your former lover, cling to him and why in vain give energy to negative thoughts. Do you need it?

You can easily fall into such hatred. Get rid of it, and thereby remove the worries about how to forget the person who hurt you once.

9. After a breakup, don’t lump everyone with the same brush: “they’re all like that,” otherwise you yourself will attract people like that into your life.

We often hear from a person after a breakup: “All men are goats” or “All women...”.

They painfully broke up with their partner, and now they themselves are looking for evidence in everything that “all men are like this” or “all women are like this...”

Moreover, they do this unconsciously and do not understand it.

And guess what? It will be like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You will really attract such people to you.

And also having these attitudes in your head, you yourself will unconsciously look for such negative characteristics in other people, try to look for confirmation of them.

Why do you need this?

Stop lumping everyone with the same brush, and no longer ask yourself questions about how to forget a person who betrayed you or acted in a certain way that did not meet your expectations.

10. Realize that nothing is permanent in the world, everything comes and goes.

Look at it from the spiritual side.

• You were born alone and you will die alone. Nothing is eternal.
• Everything is constantly changing. And it is useless to resist change. These are the laws of the universe.
• Don't cling to old emotions and memories.
• Life is like a roller coaster. You're up and down. And that's what makes it interesting.

By realizing this, you will save yourself from the dilemma of how you can forget the person you love very much and blindly.

11. You must still be open-minded to a new person, aware deep down of the fact that nothing lasts forever.

There is a mental trap: “Thinking that a relationship will last forever.” Don't live in this illusion!

But at the same time, you still open up to new people after breaking up an old relationship, you are not afraid to open up and expose your true self to others.

Continue to open up 100% with other people and share moments together.

But realize deep down that everything has an end.

Example. You are eating delicious ice cream. You can enjoy it. Enjoy the process. But deep inside you realize and understand that the ice cream will run out.

If you think that you will continue to eat the same ice cream non-stop for the rest of your life, you are trapped in your mind.

He leads you by the nose and plays with you.

Be aware of this. Know everything about between them.

It will be useful to remind yourself of this for women who are asking questions about how to forget a married man whom you love and still dream of some kind of blind hopes in relation to him.

A fine line

• Don't forget to enjoy the process. It's like enjoying life before you die.
• The same thing in relationships: enjoy them, because they may end.
• But don’t deprive yourself of enjoying relationships with this knowledge.

Wise words of Osho in video

On our website you can also to get over breakups and breakups relationships.

12. When looking for a new partner, do not compare him with the old one, do not look for a replacement for him, look for and create a new experience

1. Don't try to find the same partner as you had.
   Don't look for the same person.
2. Don't make comparisons.
   This only spoils and destroys everything.
3. Don't look for the same personality characteristics as your ex-partner.
   Do everything for a new interesting experience!
4. Don’t impose your old manner and style of communication as your old partner did when meeting a new person.

You can also talk about attachment and love addiction in a new publication.

Remember these principles, and you will stop worrying about how to forget your loved one if you see him every day.

Example

Otherwise, for example, a guy broke up with his girlfriend and now, when he meets a new one, he wants the new girl to behave the same way as her ex.

Then he imposes on the new girl a model of behavior that is not inherent in her.

But she behaves completely differently, the guy’s expectations are shattered and this negatively affects your flirting and the process of getting closer.

It is a mistake to see a new person as a replacement for an ex.

This only makes your condition worse.

Don't try to cover your pain with a new partner!

13. Review the features of your personality, remind yourself of them

There is such an illusion after a breakup that now supposedly “you are not self-sufficient because you don’t have a soulmate.”

It is especially common among girls who are troubled by restless thoughts about how to forget the man they love.

When it's all over, it's time to go back and reconsider your personality.

It is important to remind yourself of them!

You need to reconsider the new you who went through this whole journey with your past partner.

Continue to enjoy life while discovering and learning more about yourself.

14. Understand that your passion, self-sufficiency and love are always with you, no one can take it away from you

Let's look at three simple steps on how to forget a loved one, and analyze the psychology of such perception.

1. Realize that no one can take your passion and true purpose away from you.
2. No one can take away your life, your passions.
3. Your self-sufficiency should never depend on external things. Whether you have a significant other or not, you are still self-sufficient.

15. Allow yourself to be with a better partner, let go of old limiting beliefs.

We attract who we are.

You must realize that you can attract a better partner.

But the paradox is that people themselves do not want to be with the best partner!

Why does this happen to people?

Because after a long relationship man has accustomed himself: “I love my soulmate. I don’t want the best for myself, I want the best for both of us.”

Track these habits in yourself and get rid of them.

People cannot believe that it is possible and necessary to forget a person whom you love unrequitedly and blindly.

16. Don’t look for a new partner out of revenge or to make your old one jealous.

• Don't fall into the trap of your ego! Don't have these low petty selfish motives.
• It is a grave mistake to find new partners only for the purpose of asserting yourself in the eyes of your ex!
• Otherwise, with such actions you will only strengthen the thought in your mind: “She/he is the only one.”
• And then all your selfish actions in order to cause jealousy or out of revenge are a big reaction to your ex-partner.
• Let it all go and enjoy a completely new partner and share your passion with each other.
• Have the perception “Now your ex is a random passerby” and there is no point in thinking about him.

Keep these principles in mind to help you close your questions about how to forget the person you love and see every day.

17. Don’t make the following common mistakes that don’t solve the problem.

What does NOT solve problems after a breakup:

1. Alcohol, any substances, random connections of meaning and benefit are zero.
2. Attempts to travel or move are all attempts to run away from the problem and pretend that it doesn’t exist. It’s like a soldier was shot in the leg, and he went out on a forced march to run a kilometer and pretends that everything is great for him.
3. Bringing up negative qualities in your ex and negative things in past relationships is another piece of absurd advice! Following him, you still think about him! You will spend a lot of energy on these thoughts; negativity takes a lot of energy.
4. Thinking about some other person is the most useless advice. This is tantamount to advice not to think about the pink elephant that still pops up in your head. Not thinking is also an action, which also consumes energy.

It’s better to re-read all our advice again and live in harmony. They contain everything you need to understand and do in order to forget the person you love unrequitedly, once and for all.

Some forget their exes on the third day, others are obsessed with them for years... But he has already started a family, and I’m going through everything. My friends say that the whole reason is that I hope to renew the relationship and all because we still communicate.” Is this really so and what other reasons stand in the way of women's happiness?

Reason one: your ex not only hurt you, but also hurt your pride. Does this mean we remember him out of resentment or are we hatching a plan for revenge?

Natalya Shevtsova, psychologist:

Unfortunately, not all novels end with a happy ending. The realities of life dictate their own rules, and people break up. Some quickly enter into new relationships, while others cannot forget their ex for years. First of all, I would like to draw your attention to the fact that divorce and separation from a partner occupy second and third places in Holmes and Rey’s social adaptation table, being a real cause of severe stress and anxiety for both women and men. In the event of a breakup, you need to give yourself time to process the emotions caused by this event and take the necessary measures to help yourself through this difficult period.

And when it seems to you that everything is already behind you, you suddenly realize that you cannot let go of the past relationship and move on towards a happy life. Why?

What does it mean to hurt another person? First of all, this is a subjective perception of the situation. Agree that all people have different attitudes towards the events that happen to them. For one person, even betrayal will be a reason to think about what part of his participation (or non-participation) in this, and for another, an unclosed tube of toothpaste is an act of the highest disrespect for oneself and a reason for a scandal! The greater the level of responsibility, the higher the coefficient of psychological maturity, the more difficult it is to offend or humiliate a person.

If you feel hurt and offended, ask yourself questions: “What role did I play in the situation that caused me pain? How much responsibility do I have for this happening?” Of course, you shouldn’t cover your head with ashes and blindly blame only yourself for everything. It is necessary to try to look at the situation soberly from the outside. Relationships are not a one-sided game, and both partners are involved. By analyzing the situation soberly, you will be able to see the motive for your partner’s action and learn from this useful experience that will help you in the future. And most importantly, it will help you understand and let go of the situation so that destructive emotions of grievances do not overshadow your life.

Reason two: you maintained friendly relations after breaking up. Maybe not?

It is necessary to maintain friendly relations, since his “part” occupies a certain place in your psyche, and if you treat him poorly, then this means that in your psyche there is a state hostile to you. And it should become neutral or an ally for you.

If you haven’t forgiven him yet, then most likely you still love him, because from hatred to love there is only one step. When a person has forgiven, then you are not bound by either love or hatred and you are neutral or even indifferent. Then you don’t have to worry that you will be drawn to personal relationships again. But in any case, you should maintain psychological boundaries and test yourself when meeting. This also means keeping your contacts to a minimum.

If you are separated, and accidents constantly push you together, this means that some force is connecting you and you need to deal with it.

Reason three: you compare all your potential partners with your ex. Why? For what? If necessary?

Vladimir Makarov, psychotherapist:

Everything is known by comparison, this is how our mind works. We don't analyze when we're in love. But over time, feelings become balanced in relation to the mind, and the mind begins to compare. This is normal for mature women who have experience in relationships. But this means that our ex takes up a lot of space in our minds.

If the comparison occurs, it means that you haven’t let go of your ex and haven’t fallen in love with a new one. When you fall in love, you are filled with new relationships. You should end the relationship by contacting a psychologist. Or give yourself time to be without a relationship so that the wounds heal. You should also evaluate how the comparison occurs. If the comparison is logical and occurs rarely, then this is normal. If the comparison is uncontrollable and appears as an image or rather invades the mind, then this clearly indicates that a psychic connection exists and you are theoretically still in a relationship with your ex.

By nature, a woman uses any past relationship as an experience of personal growth, and this is how she differs from men in the best way. Remember: everything that does not kill us makes us stronger.

Reason four: you are disappointed in men and in love in general. Where is the guarantee that the next one will not be the same?

Natalya Shevtsova, psychologist:

Let's figure out what it means to be disappointed. To be disappointed means to get rid of the spell cast upon you. It is possible to be disappointed only if these spells were once cast upon you.

Who inspired them and for what purpose? In the case of men, everything is simpler: a person is really capable of charming, showing his best sides and hiding his shortcomings. And when you took the bait and entered into a relationship, the spell was broken, you saw your true colors and were disappointed. But what about love? This is a feeling, and its quality depends solely on who it belongs to! It turns out that you saw the wonderful qualities of your partner and decided to completely rely on them: they say, he is so good, strong and caring, let him work for the two of us in the relationship, and I, an enchanted muse, will flutter carefree and collect nectar. But a relationship is not a one-sided game, and the partner, not feeling the return or quickly getting what he wants, loses interest and, as a result, stops behaving as before, which disappoints you.

The conclusion is simple: in order not to be disappointed, you don’t need to be enchanted, that is, place the entire burden of responsibility for the relationship on the man! Relationships are a team game, and to prevent it from turning into war, you need to be allies, not opponents. And if for some reason this did not work out, then you need to admit your share of responsibility for this, see your role and not repeat the scenario that leads to an undesirable ending over and over again.

Thank each other for the experience gained and all the good things that happened between you, and boldly move on towards new love!

Reason five: I can’t forget him, because we have common children. Is this the reason?

Natalya Shevtsova, psychologist:

The love is gone, and for certain reasons it is no longer possible to live together. The principle “out of sight, out of mind” is an excellent helper in a situation when you need to forget a person and start building a new life, but what to do when you have children and the child needs to see his father?

It would be a big mistake to follow the lead of your egocentrism and pride, forbidding your family to see you if there was a warm relationship between the father and children before the divorce. Thus, you risk ruining your relationship not only with your ex-husband, but also with your child.

If it is difficult for you to meet with your ex-spouse every time, agree on how he can pick up the children without causing you the least discomfort. Perhaps he will pick them up from your parents or from school, and you will not cross paths.

Make the most of this time while the children are with their father! Go to a movie or a concert, visit a beauty salon or gym. Meet with friends or go out into nature to distract yourself from depressing thoughts as much as possible.

Remember that the best way to forget a past relationship is to plunge into a new one. And the happiness of your children depends on your happiness.

There may be many reasons why you can't get over your ex. The main thing to remember is: you cannot interfere with the past, spoil the present and the future. After all, there is only one life, and you need to find the strength to cope with grievances and finally begin to move forward. If you understand that you can’t cope on your own, that you constantly return to your ex in your thoughts and you can’t get rid of the depressing hope of reuniting with him, then there is nothing shameful in turning to a specialist for help.