Alone at home, or Why is it good to live alone Who said that being alone is a synonym for the word loneliness?!

A common stereotype is that a woman living alone is an unhappy, sad creature who comes to her empty and cold apartment, where no one is waiting for her, and sobs into an empty pot, dreaming of a large family.

Undoubtedly, a certain percentage of women really perceive an independent life as a personal tragedy or, even worse, the end of the world. But everything is completely different if you know how to enjoy your own life. More precisely, when you are interested in yourself.

Of course, no one is against a company of friends, a man, a family, a kitten and a flowering ficus, but personal space is such an unimaginable buzz that sometimes you can go crazy from its lack and get very angry at the whole world and violators of "your" territory.

Before you understand whether you can live without a man or parents, think about it - are you interested in spending time alone? Do you need an excuse to cook a delicious dinner, or, left in an empty apartment, do you immediately go on a pre-shirk diet? Coming home in the evening, can you enjoy silence, good music, lying in the bathroom, reading a book, and not turn on the TV, radio, Internet from the doorway and call all your friends at the same time, clogging the air with sounds, voices and noise?

Do you know how you will spend a free weekend, even if no one invited you anywhere?

The basic rule of a happy single life is to love yourself the way you want others to love you. Think about everything that you like - now you can do it all in any quantity! Pamper yourself, feed deliciously, entertain with movies, music, books and guests. Do yoga on the floor in the kitchen while checking to see if the cake is baked. You can come home at three in the morning, throw your coat in the hallway, scatter your boots, lay naked in front of the TV and eat a Big Mac bought on the way, right in bed. In the morning, no one will say a word to you about your bad behavior. Selfishness is freedom. There is no need to report, worry, get up an hour and a half earlier to cook breakfast for someone.

You can love yourself and love yourself again. And someone else, but only by mood.

Society is accustomed to consider an unmarried woman useless and unfulfilled. The stereotypical image of a happy woman is a husband, children, maybe work, and independence and self-sufficiency are mistaken for life's disorder and hopelessness.

But the fact is that the women themselves, who live alone and do not seek to start a family, are satisfied with their lives. In addition, mainly other representatives of the weaker sex, most often married women, react negatively to single women. After all, any free and independent lady is a potential homemaker and lover of their man. At the same time, men perceive women living outside the family mostly positively or indifferently.

Of course, there are also disadvantages, as, in fact, everywhere. And the most important minus is displayed on the scoreboard during illness. It is at this moment that a woman more than ever acutely feels the need for support, care and a warm barrel. But you have to buy aspirin yourself, you can brew tea yourself and you can only whine on facebook.

Although, not everything is so scary. In a good scenario, you can always invite your mother, girlfriend, man to maintain vitality. In the end, call an ambulance - there are people there too, and they know how to talk and feel compassion.

So, what do our readers think about independent living? What are the pros and cons they see?

Ekaterina, 32

Have breakfast in the kitchen alone with or without shorts at 2 p.m. on Sunday;

Do epilation with a depilator on the couch and listen loudly to France culture;

Keep books nearby on a pillow;

You can take convenient shelves for cosmetics in the refrigerator and not worry about a cream worth 5 thousand (the same story with clothes in the closet);

My great - wants to hang on the ceiling, wants to stand head down.

The disease comes alone and spends time only with the two of you, you need something - think for yourself;

And you also have to wash the dishes yourself;

No one will serve tea and no breakfast will be prepared after 7/12 of the working week;

A screwdriver, a hammer, a bag of nails fell - get off the cabinet and look.

Olga, 27

I really like to live alone, because you can live as you like, no one will say a word across. If you want, vacuum at two in the morning, spread your socks, sleep like a star until dinner, eat chips in bed, and shake the crumbs from them with your heel onto the other, free, half of the bed. And when someone begins to claim this half, and also hope for a hot breakfast and loyalty, it becomes somehow uncomfortable. She didn’t grieve herself, sawed her nails right on the carpet, came at three in the morning, woke up at one, didn’t throw the rotten meat out of the refrigerator, and here you have to reckon with someone. And for someone, and maybe even for me, all these little pleasant things weigh more than the joy of caring for another person. Loneliness is such a pleasure that you begin to understand over the years. It’s hard only at first, but after six months it becomes good and comfortable, and goosebumps run through the body from the thought that everything will change, that you will have to live not your own, selfish life, but one for two with someone else. Sometimes it seems to me that I am morally crippled, for the second year I have been trying to understand the paradox: it seems that I know that I need to reorient myself from my momentary pleasures to the eternal values ​​\u200b\u200bof “home-family”, but only I am so perfectly fine with myself that no children and I don’t need husbands, but I need the opportunity to sleep like a star and not report to anyone.

Irina, 26

Life alone is complete freedom in everyday life, in mode, in tastes ..... At the same time, all responsibility lies only with you. At first it can be difficult, but when you realize that no one but you can screw up, you adapt to various everyday situations, it no longer bothers you.
It seems to me that such a way of life can lead to complete independence and more selfishness. For me, this is such a period of life when you can try everything and choose the best, this also applies to men. I hope over time not to lose the ability to get along with others, but rather to acquire useful skills.

Anna, 27

Of course, by nature it is in us to meet, fall in love, multiply. But times have changed, and the patterns of people's lives and gender relationships too. Women have become independent - they can perfectly provide for themselves and bring their desires and ambitions to life, and not sit sad at the window waiting for marriage. Men also have nowhere to rush - many can afford to have regular sex without any relationship, and even more so without marriage. But it's not about that. And that the situation has changed, but the attitude towards it in society is not. Especially if you are a girl: if you are alone, then something is definitely wrong with you. It doesn't even occur to a lot of people that you enjoy being alone. In fact, there are many pluses.

The first, main and indisputable - freedom. You like to travel and go to the theatre, but your boyfriend likes to go to the country with friends and snowboard - it's not your problem. You don't have to adapt to it - you just do what you want.

The second is self-development. It is clear that if your thoughts are not occupied with the second half, they are occupied with the first. A great time and opportunity to discover yourself, improve yourself, find your own path and follow it, and not just go with the flow of family circumstances. You have the time and opportunity to realize that you are not an accountant, but an artist, or that you are not a sales manager, but a yoga instructor.

I know many women who have benefited from loneliness - we are talking about those who eventually connected their lives with someone, but on a completely different, higher quality level. For such women, without this long free flight, the cage called "home" would be too cramped, and only after enjoying freedom, many of us can appreciate the lack of freedom.

Finally, it seems to me, you need to remember that you can be happy or unhappy in any capacity and status - I often see sadness in the eyes of married friends and girls with the status "In a relationship with ...". After all, the main thing is who this "with ..." I'm sure it's better to be alone than with an unloving or unloved one.

Only, dear ladies, if you are married, do not immediately rush to pack your suitcase and run away to a happy and beautiful distant place called "Life alone." As a result, all women sometimes envy each other, in what position they would not be.

One of the markers of latent depression is involuntary suicidal thoughts. Outwardly, everything is fine, but life seems disgusting: “I can’t and don’t want to live. I'm rage!" People, weather, own child. Everything that used to bring pleasure, causes hatred. Where do these thoughts come from throughout life?

Every day is a struggle with gravity. The sticky jelly of everyday life stretches endlessly without taste, smell or color. Without meaning. And in my head an obsessive fly is spinning one thought: I don’t want to live. What's the use of moving your paws, if in this life you are a meaningless element of the background? Yes, and no power ...

Stop! It's not about wanting or not wanting. There is no such choice. Man - this is WANT. The human psyche is one hundred percent made up of desires, or rather, of voids that need to be filled. I do not want to live - a semantic error of intelligence.

Therefore, it is important to figure out what WANT we formulate through this DON'T WANT.

Without happiness life is unbearable

Many authors express the opinion that thoughts of suicide at least once in a lifetime occur to everyone. This is not true. At the training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, the features of the perception of life are revealed in detail, depending on the characteristics of a person's mental structure.

So, only a person with a sound vector, when he does not want to live, implies a direct meaning.

Of course, anyone can express the idea of ​​unwillingness to live in a hopeless situation or in conditions that are completely unsatisfactory. But this will not be a thought about striving to end one's earthly path, but about changing one's life, about the lack of happiness.

For example:

I can't live without a specific person;

Tired of fighting with circumstances, no strength for life, apathy;

I no longer want to live in such conditions.

Even in the most difficult case, when such thoughts are associated with the death of a dear person and further life is not possible, as they say, time heals. Gradually, life is getting better, little joys appear. If the loss is experienced correctly, a bright memory of the departed person remains.

Such experiences are typical for over-emotional owners of the visual vector. In the range from “scared to death” to “and it’s not scary to die,” a statement about unwillingness to live is an indicator of emotional intensity.

This is a serious condition that inevitably leads to physical illness. If you do not understand its nature and do not track it in time, apathy and fears may develop. As a renunciation of life in the visual vector, a ban on feelings can arise.

I don't want to live and there's no one to tell

I'm ten. If I tell one of my classmates that I don’t like living, they will twist a finger at my temple. It’s scary for my family to stutter that I want to die. And so everyone considers it strange, they will send you to the doctor.

I am twenty. Why me?! Is he mocking me? Punishes or prepares for something? I studied everything that was available from philosophy, psychology, religion, esotericism. And I didn't find an answer. It hurts - but I also want to enjoy life! I want to love, do interesting things, build a house, plant a tree… Lord, who am I kidding?! Such nonsense...

I'm thirty. It has long taken place in this world and even consider myself successful. And still no one to admit that I do not want to live. I don't see the point. Occasionally I emerge to the surface, grab a sip of happy illusion and return to my colorless reality again: “Hello, depression friend, only you understand me.”

I'm forty. If you look at old photographs, obviously, life was filled with events, bright meetings and travels. But… as if she passed by. Or have I gone through life like a carnival procession? Alone at someone else's party. The holiday continues. But how did it all go wrong...

I am fifty. When will this finally end?

Where do these thoughts come from throughout life?

I don't want to live without meaning

Meaning of life. The idea of ​​the universe. For the owner of the sound vector, these are the points of concentration of thought. More often unconsciously, he searches for Meaning in science, music or foreign languages. He expresses his lack with the question: "What is the point?" And he answers himself: "Nothing makes sense." A modern sound engineer often writes philosophical notes, trying to formulate an answer to his own unasked questions. His greatest desire is to understand: "Who am I?" His gift is to express new ideas, abstract meanings in a word.

But while his answer is “There is no point”, life seems to be an obsessive illusion. The sound engineer does not want to live in an illusory world that brings only suffering. He feels himself lost between the worlds - and none of them are waiting for him.

The perception of reality by the owner of the sound vector is radically different from the perception of reality by other people. Any other does not separate his Self from the physical body, but the sound engineer perceives the body as a temporary refuge for the eternal soul. His suicidal thoughts do not mean the destruction of his "I". He mistakenly assumes the possibility of finding the answer in the other world.

It must be understood that the vast majority of sound engineers who do not want to live are not aware of their desires and peculiarities of their worldview. They are in an eternal search for “no one knows what”, often sorting through all the “altered states of consciousness” available in this world. . The constant desire to sleep is replaced by exhausting insomnia, obsessive thoughts and monologues block the ability to think adequately. My head is pounding from the constant tension. Life itself seems to hurt.

I do not want to live: thoughts from which you can not hide

The candles flickered, threatening complete darkness. Thoughts continued to rush about, invariably returning to one topic: “Kitchen ones are stupid. Will not work. It will be painful, long and stupid. No romance."

“What the hell is going through your head?! - The water had cooled down for a long time, but I didn’t want to get out of the bath. - If you don't move, it's not so cold. And the head does not crack much, while motionless ... "

The candles went out, leaving a characteristic aroma with a slight touch of spices. “Like in the church… And if there really is a hell? Or is hell here? Or maybe you will have to turn into some kind of muck again. Or I’ll hang in the last moment for eternity ... Eternal cold, pain and all this carousel with bells, in which I don’t want to live.

The distant slam of the neighbor's door on the landing exploded in the brain with a sharp flash of new pain, scattered thoughts, leaving only one desire - to quickly end the endless and senseless suffering. But even for this, you need to make an effort to get up, again go out into the light that burns your eyes ... And for some more time force yourself to live.

Thoughts do not leave, burning out the brain. How to get rid of them?

I love life, but she doesn't love me

One of the markers of latent depression is involuntary suicidal thoughts. Outwardly, everything is fine, but life seems disgusting: “I can’t and don’t want to live. I'm rage!" People, weather, own child. Everything that used to bring pleasure, causes hatred. It seems that if you change just a few factors, life will get better. This happens when sound depression is hidden behind the manifestations of other vectors.

Thousands of results prove that in any situation you can change "I don't want to live" to "I love you, life!".

“After a few sessions, I caught myself thinking or feeling, I don’t even know what to call it, but I noticed that for some time I just didn’t think about death ... I forgot about these thoughts. They just stopped coming to my mind... It was so strange... So unusual... THEY JUST STOP COMING TO MY HEAD!

Realizing this, of course I was happy) I don’t want to die anymore! I know why I live! I know that there is meaning in life, but there is no meaning in death!”

“In the process of learning, my consciousness began to clear up. The emotional state began to change. I came out of this state of vacuum, from a state of nothing, from not wanting anything. No more thoughts - I'm tired, I'm tired of everything, I don't want anything. I don't let myself get stuck in my thoughts. I introduce the principle: "Did the job - think boldly!".

There was some sobriety of thinking. The tension, the feeling of powerlessness and emptiness is gone. There is no more this causeless anger and irritation. I was terribly afraid of life, the future, and it seems that this fear is receding. It's like I came out of a deep coma. It became easier to climb.

My facial expression has changed. There was a mime. I became outwardly emotional. The mood improved, and the desire for life began to wake up ... "

If you are a desperate bachelor, then we have good news for you, which you will learn about right now. What is the matter, you ask? That you are a lucky son of a bitch, because living together, which seems like such a holiday to you, is not as good as you think. Happy couples are mammoths of the relationship world who are afraid to even think that they made the wrong choice. Opinion polls, which are regularly conducted in the States, only confirm our idea. Of course, we don’t want to drive you into the idea that living well is. We just want to help you relax if you suddenly feel sad about your retreat. Let's help with a word, and you help yourself with a deed.

You are responsible for your happiness

People in a relationship often expect their partner to meet their shared needs. That is, they see themselves as a whole, and not as individuals. As a result, everyone gives up on their own desires, and this makes us unhappy. We think for two, not for ourselves. In addition, we relieve ourselves of responsibility for happiness, because there is a person nearby who is also responsible for it.
Loneliness radically changes the attitude towards happiness, because there is no woman for whom you can hide. You think more about your well-being, mental state, work, hobbies, small pleasures. That is, everything that pleases you in life, you choose yourself. No need to think for another person, no need to find "something in common." You just do what makes you happy.

You say: "How can you be happy without a girl?". And we will answer that being happy alone is real. But being happy in a bad relationship is something of a mission impossible category.

You will be more successful at work

There are many factors that influence how you work. If a girl is waiting for you at home, then the last part of the working day is unimportant - you try to do everything in time, forget about the details, treat work like a pig. And that's half the trouble. When you are constrained by relationships, then mobility is lost. You can't just pick up and quit your old job and drive off to New York somewhere to start your working life over again. If you think that your girlfriend will be happy with your career prospects, then you are simply mistaken. You will also have to rely on her desires, which will tell you: “No, we cannot move - I have a family here.” So your song is sung about how you got a great opportunity to get up, but did not do it, because the girl was too attached to the family.

It is also more profitable for an employer to hire bachelors. The fact is that bachelors are more often late at work, which is why they are promoted faster - you can rely on them even on weekends, because no one is waiting for them at home. Sounds sad, but not for career growth.

You have a strong sense of self-worth

Living alone is a test for the individual, which leads to complete autonomy, psychological and physical independence. Lonely people make strong-willed decisions more often, they are less afraid and more confident in themselves, because they know their worth, they know that they can survive in this monstrously complex world even without a sexual partner. They know how to control aggression, empathize with themselves and find harmony even in the most difficult times. It's hard to do both.

This is at odds with the notion that happiness can only be found in romantic relationships. But imagine a situation where you are not a whole, but a half. If you cut a chicken in half, then it cannot survive - it needs the other half. Loneliness is the opportunity to be this whole. Love is an opportunity to become only a part that is not viable without its other half. How many hung themselves and jumped off bridges because of love? We hope you understand our idea.

You are more likely to keep fit

One survey in the UK found that most married people lose money. They become thicker, slower, weaker. One could chalk it up to age, but survey data also suggests that unmarried or divorced people are much more active.

How does it happen? The obvious explanation is that a loner subconsciously gravitates toward better physical shape in order to attract a potential mate. A married man no longer needs to do this, so he sits on beer, cakes and sandwiches. There is another reason - singles have more time for the gym, extreme sports and walks. The only activity with a loved one is sex.

Feelings of loneliness can be avoided

There is no doubt that loneliness can be a dangerous source of stress. Everyone knows about it. However, for some reason, everyone forgets that in long-term romantic relationships, people also feel lonely. And this is the truth of life.

Here look. When you are a loner to the fullest, then you invest your time in chatting with girls, building relationships, flirting, whatever. You can never be alone if you make an effort. But what happens if you have a woman but are single? Then you will be locked in a cage that won't let you go. At best, you will find an opportunity to abstract from your problem. At worst, you start to change.

Are you still fast asleep

Let's face it. If you have the slightest sleep disorder, then it will be difficult for you to sleep in the same bed with another person. You will watch TV until late, play on your phone or listen to audiobooks. If you are already doing this, and you have a girlfriend, then know that it's all because of her. Sleepwalking, insomnia, nightmares - these are also the results of your desire not to be a bachelor. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule, and sooner or later everyone finds a way to fall asleep soundly, but the fact remains - one sleeps easier. You can fall apart on the whole bed, wrap yourself in the whole blanket, and no one will push you, push you at night or snore (yes, girls can do it too!).

No household problems

If you don’t have a girlfriend, then there are no domestic obligations, like: “Today you will wash the floor, and tomorrow I will!”. In addition, there will be no schedule for eating, sleeping, waking up, going to the store. Guys who have got their halves understand what we are talking about - you always have to adjust to your friend's schedule, and she to your schedule. This is not convenient for anyone. If all this is not there, then life is completely deprived of reasons for stress. You can eat when you want, clean when you want, and generally do everything when it suits you. When you are a loner, then you plan your life yourself - you don’t need to listen to anyone else.

But let's be fair. This is not the fault of the beautiful half of humanity. Just objectively, a person has less time for friends when he lives with a girl. People try to connect with their acquaintances, which is why the game called "dating in pairs" begins, which is not at all fun. You voluntarily throw all your single friends out of your life, and then feel sad about it. But when you are alone, you can easily communicate with any people you like. And yes, when you don’t have a permanent girlfriend, then you can have a lot of girlfriends with whom you can not only sleep, but also communicate sincerely. Married people are very constrained in terms of friendship.

You worry less about money

You are a man, and therefore keep the traditional trouble. So, you will be spending a lot of money on relationships - clothes, food, everything. When you live with a girl, even the most independent and strong, you will still pour money into her. Not because she demands it, but because it's in your blood - men give women gifts, pay for them in restaurants, provide for them. Otherwise we cannot. We are pleased with the feeling that the girl can rely on us financially. And it takes a hell of a lot of toll on our personal finances.

But girls are expensive not only because of gifts - these are all trifles. Problems begin when you start to manage the general financial expenses. Yes, money becomes common when you live with one person for a long time. And this means, first of all, that you cannot just go and spend all your savings on a Ferrari. A woman will immediately say: “What the hell is a Ferrari in Severodvinsk, you idiot?!”. And she'll be right, but that truth won't make you happy, but a red Ferrari will.