The secret of harmony in marital relations is that the husband and wife initially have a certain set of qualities that will allow them to find a common language even in the most difficult situations. In this case, conflicts and misunderstandings are automatically eliminated from the relationship, making way for care and love.

What are the best qualities of men that help a woman to follow her husband, love devotedly, glorify him in every possible way and be happy?

You can, of course, talk about how important it is for a man to be smart. But intelligence is not the main quality, it is simply a gift from above and it is inherent in everyone to one degree or another.

One could talk about sexuality, but again this quality is not the main thing, it is the same subjective trait as intelligence. And all this is present in both men and women. A more appropriate question here might be to what extent people act wisely with these qualities.

But first of all, we are interested in the BEST qualities of a man.

These qualities are both simple and not always easy to achieve. However, they are completely consistent with masculine nature. So…

The best qualities of a man

• The first quality is responsibility

This means that a man has a developed sense of duty, first of all, to his loved ones. He is looking for ways to provide for his family in the best possible way, to protect them from troubles.

He does not wait for chance when a suitable vacancy comes up, while being dependent on a woman, he simply goes and unloads the cars if he cannot make money otherwise.

He is able to take responsibility even in cases where he is still just dating a girl. How? The realization that his chosen one sees him as a potential husband. That is, if he does not have serious intentions and just wants to have fun, such a man can hardly be called responsible.

A responsible man always keeps his promises, and while a woman can somehow be forgiven for failing to fulfill an obligation, a man cannot. Therefore, a man needs to watch what promise he makes and remember that his word must be kept. Vigilance is a faithful companion of responsibility.

• The second quality is determination

This quality cannot be underestimated. Because a man who has no goal in life (or even several complementary goals) is not capable of achieving great success. It is important that this goal is related to his external activities, and does not have only the intention “to make himself feel good.”

A purposeful man in the person of his chosen one will have an inspiration and ally, she will be immensely proud that she married such a man. In addition, serving the highest noble goals makes the union very strong. At a time when the family collapses, turning its pursuit of pleasure into the meaning of life.

• The third best quality in a man is integrity

A deeply decent man will never stoop to insult or reproach. He will not dare to contradict his elders, he will not offend either his juniors or his equals, and he will not assert himself at the expense of others. That is, he is not characterized by immoral behavior; the main principle “do no harm” is his main value.

It is also necessary to mention fidelity - another indicator of decency, in addition to tact, nobility and honesty. For such a man, not only physical, but also moral betrayal is unacceptable. He will not look with lust at his employees, the wives of his friends, and indeed all women, much less flirt.

A decent man would not offer his wife a swing or a threesome. He will not strive at every opportunity to persuade his woman to indulge in shallow pleasures, knowing in moderation in everything.

How to determine the decency of a man?

Tactlessness is clearly manifested in the fact that a man, in the presence of 2 women, compliments one of them, thereby depriving her neighbor of attention.

A decent man in the presence of any woman will not talk about the superiority of another woman. By praising someone else's woman in front of his wife, he actually humiliates her.

It goes without saying that a decent man will not talk about the shortcomings of any people, make comments to his wife, or sort things out in public. He will not speak ill of anyone at all, much less think so.

At the same time, such a man will be honest with himself and others. And if he really doesn’t like his wife’s behavior, he will find a way to discuss this topic with her, delicately directing her behavior in the right direction.

The best qualities of a man, of course, do not end there. A man simply needs to have the following auxiliary qualities to develop the above listed:

• Willpower is needed to keep your word, pacify lust and inner restlessness.
• Patience and piety allow you to subtly feel the boundaries in communicating with people and not go overboard.
• Spirituality helps you set the right priorities in life and be faithful.
• Decisiveness - take responsibility, set high goals.
• Selflessness helps to benefit society.

A little later we, of course, will continue the conversation about the best qualities of a man. Now let's stop and think:

Men: To what extent do I correspond to these qualities and am I able to develop them in myself?

Women: How can I, a woman, help my man develop these qualities?

Undoubtedly, the described best qualities of men are to some extent important and inherent in women. However, for marital happiness, it is much more important for wives to develop other qualities, which we will talk about in a few days. If you still haven't subscribed to updates, you can fix it right now. Be with us!

Lyudmila Ponomarenko

The next type of men with whom it is difficult or impossible to build normal relationships and a normal family are Don Juans. Don Juans do not want any relationships with women. They only like extremely quick seduction. Many men, of course, are interested in quick sex, but Don Juans are not interested in anything else.

It is clear that after Don Juan achieves his goal, he very quickly loses interest in the girl (woman). And if this is really a Don Juan, and not just a young man with excess hormones, then nothing can be done, no matter how hard the girl tries.

How to figure out whether a man is a Don Juan or not? There are not so many real Don Juans, even home-grown ones. However, due to their incredible activity, they can give the impression that they are almost 30%. How to recognize Don Juan?

Increased attention to your appearance.

This is an indirect and not entirely accurate sign, but nevertheless it helps well to recognize Don Juan. It can only be used in combination with other signs of Don Juans.

At the same time, with the help of it you can easily and most importantly very quickly weed out potential Don Juans from ordinary guys. Then you can look more carefully, which usually takes more time.

So, the average guy, especially an unmarried guy, by the standards of girls, pays little attention to his appearance. The maximum that guys are capable of is to pump up their muscles or buy something expensive. But usually, even if there is money, it is spent on all sorts of gadgets, trips, cars, etc.

Don Juan pays a lot of attention to appearance, because he knows that this is one of his main weapons in quickly conquering women.

So, what does our potential homegrown Don Juan pay attention to that regular guys don't?

- dandruff on hair. Rarely do any guys look at the amount of dandruff on their hair.

- wrinkled shirt, trousers, etc. Most ordinary guys grab the first shirt they can get their hands on, etc. Sometimes some things are even ironed, and some are not.

- dirty shoes. Surprisingly, guys under 30-35 years old very rarely wash or clean their shoes.

- the smell of sweat from the armpits, unshaven hair under the armpits. One of the most harmful habits for relationships with girls is the smell of sweat. However, many ordinary guys do not pay enough attention to this.

- belly in men over 30 years old. In men over 30 years of age, a belly appears in almost 90% of cases. If he doesn't appear, then why? Maybe he works in some structure where a high degree of athletic training is required? Maybe he is a professional athlete? Maybe he is married and his wife monitors his diet and health? Or maybe just Don Juan.

- very small and almost invisible pieces of dirt or food on clothes. Invisible to men, of course. Women usually easily see that there are traces of fat on the trousers, although carefully wiped off by hand. Women see that there is dirt on the shirt sleeves, collar, etc.

- basically cheap clothes, even if the budget allows it. Quite a lot of people, especially young guys, do not spend a lot of money on good clothes, even if their income allows.

- hair from ears and nose. No comments.

- unevenly trimmed or even unkempt fingernails and toenails, etc. A lot of men cut their nails haphazardly. There are also those who take care of themselves and do it carefully or even go to a manicure (pedicure) specialist.

I have listed several main signs by which you can understand a man and determine whether a man takes more care of himself than usual or not. I repeat that this is not 100% a sign of Don Juan. It is imperative to look at it in combination with other signs. However, at a minimum, this is a sign to take a closer look at the man and check his compliance on other issues.

It is possible, of course, that work associated with constant communication and the need to influence people led a man to the need to pay attention to his appearance.

However, even in this case there is usually some discrepancy. For example, if there is a need to lead people, then good clothes (suit), hairstyle, confidence can be developed, but at the same time there can be a belly, an unpumped figure, since this does not affect the ability to lead people. By the way, about how to become more confident, read the book “HOW TO BECOME CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF IN 3 MONTHS.” The method for developing confidence in this book is suitable for both boys and girls.

Conversely, there may be athleticism due to job demands (law enforcement agencies, coach, etc.), but not pay attention to the rest.

Don Juan, as a rule, pays attention to everything that is important for girls. (Depends, of course, on the level of Don Juan. There are hard-working Don Juans, there are Top Managers, but the principle is the same).

I’ll say right away that if a man is married or has been married for a long time, then he can take quite good care of his appearance (or more precisely, his wife usually does). Therefore, there is a possibility that a well-groomed man is not a Don Juan in the literal sense of the word, but simply married.

The second sign that will help you recognize a Don Juan is a smooth courtship, especially at the initial stage. (Acquaintance and first two dates)

I probably won’t reveal a big secret to you if I say that the vast majority of men, who even had a dozen or even more women before marriage, are not very good at caring for women. What can we say about those ordinary guys who only had a few girls (or none at all).

After all, seduction and courtship are rarely taught anywhere. It is assumed that a guy or a man will somehow learn everything on his own just by talking to girls. And in principle this is justified to some extent.

It is “Somehow” the average guy, of whom 90% are, who knows how to care for a girl.

And if in detail:

Firstly, he doesn't take care of his appearance. (About what is above)

Secondly, during courtship, pauses constantly appear, the duration of which is clearly longer than usual comfortable communication. This means that the man doesn’t know what to say (or blurted out something, but it didn’t work).

Thirdly, the man behaves like an idiot. That is, he tells completely idiotic stories. His jokes are not funny, his life stories are not interesting. He goes in for a hug either too early or too late. He doesn't know how to compliment a girl. Maybe even show up to the first date without flowers.

Another thing is a person who has already mastered everything. In our example, this may just be a home-grown Don Juan. (although not always)

Don Juan is usually fine in appearance. But that's not even the main thing. The main thing is the smoothness of courtship.

Everything is sufficiently worked out and therefore goes without pauses. There are funny stories (for women). The man knows how to present himself. He can give a good compliment. He can show that he is confident. It is clear that he will not come on a date without flowers or a gift.

I repeat that this sign (smoothness of courtship) cannot be considered separately from the others. It is possible that the man had a pronounced sanguine character from childhood (he was very sociable, etc.)

But for the vast majority of ordinary men, smooth courtship is not typical. Of course, then, as the girl and the guy get used to each other, as they have common topics for communication and knowledge of each other’s character, the smoothness of communication will develop.

However, I'm talking more about the first meeting and the first two dates at most. If at the first meeting and on the first two dates a man’s courtship is skillful and everything goes as planned, then there is a very high probability that the man is a local Don Juan .

Once again I will repeat the signs by which one can judge the smoothness of courtship.

— The presence of almost a dating scenario on the first date. That is, the man is not babbling something incomprehensible like "What weather is nice, so give me your phone number", or can easily tell a story on a topic, chat, make you laugh and invite you on a date.

I repeat, an ordinary standard man will not do this without training. Depending on his age and experience with girls, he will moo more or less, be stupid, be rude (sometimes without noticing it), look greedy (although he doesn’t necessarily look like that).

— A proven dating program.

The average man doesn't really know what to do on first dates. He offers either a movie, a cafe, or a visit to his home, or something else. Don Juan has a more or less worked out program of action.

On the first date, he is unlikely to invite you to stop by his house and drink wine. (Unless the girl is a very easy target) He is unlikely to fuss with incomprehensible proposals on how to spend a date (and then the cafe is closed and there are no movie tickets).

He almost certainly has a program or, for more experienced Don Juans, several programs of action. Everything has been worked out. He knows where he can climb a skyscraper, he feels at home in nightclubs, he knows where he can ride a boat with a girl. He knows what words and compliments you want to hear. (You can continue the list yourself)

— A proven sequence of actions.

The average man is constantly out of sequence. Then he is in too much of a hurry and tries to put his hands in places where he shouldn’t. Then the girl is already ready, but he does nothing.

A more or less experienced Don Juan does everything on time.

— Worked-out stories, anecdotes.

The fact is that even relatively sociable men who do not pay attention to Don Juanism have conversations tuned to men. Their stories and anecdotes are funny mostly to men.

And when these stories are told to girls, the girls do not laugh at a minimum, but at a maximum they may think that the man is not at odds with his mind (unless they play along, of course, for some reason).

More experienced men who communicate a lot and successfully with girls remove from their repertoire those stories and anecdotes that are not funny to girls and do not arouse their interest.

Therefore, if all or almost all of a man’s stories arouse interest and laughter in you (as well as the girls nearby), then there is a high probability that this is a Don Juan.

So, the smoothness of courtship is one of the best signs of a home-grown Don Juan. If you know how to recognize this smoothness, you will easily identify Don Juans.

I'll make a little analogy. For example, several men gathered and began throwing a basketball into a basket. Some people don’t hit it at all (an inexperienced man, in our analogy), others hit it better. And suddenly you see that there is a man who hits the basket with the ball almost always, in different positions, from far and near.

It is clear that this man plays basketball and quite intensely. After all, no one has the innate skill of hitting the ball in the basket.

So it is in the relationship between a man and a woman. There are no men who are naturally good at wooing women. If you suddenly see such a man, it means that he learned such skills somewhere. The question is where? Of course, you can improve this skill by taking some psychology courses or by practicing in front of a mirror. However, a good skill can only be obtained through courting a large number of women and some kind of development and analysis of the skill. (Basically Don Juan)

Don’t think that I recommend that you definitely date a man who has no skills in communicating with girls at all. This can be quite difficult and can get boring soon. But too good skills and smooth courtship are a strong sign that the man is a Don Juan.

Look for other signs. If both are present to one degree or another, then this is not even an assumption, but an almost 100% conclusion.

One of the main signs of a Don Juan is that they are psychologically immature. (either infantile or prone to harsh manipulation)

But without this sign, all of the above may indicate not that the man is a Don Juan, but that he is under an excess of hormones (youth or even at an older age), that due to something (innate beauty, confidence, money) too spoiled by women, but not Don Juan. That is, based on only two signs, you can make a mistake, sometimes a costly one.

Therefore, I suggest that you first think about whether the man you know has the first two signs. (too much attention to one’s appearance, smooth courtship). Only then can one look at psychological immaturity.

You can read how to distinguish between extremely infantile men and men prone to harsh manipulation in separate articles How to recognize a male manipulator and what to do? And How to identify a manipulator? (Part 2)

But very briefly, it could be:

- Excessive selfishness.

That is, the man does not want (cannot) do anything for you. He doesn’t listen to what you tell him (he pretends to listen, and then goes on about his own things). He spends money only on himself.

— Unethicality, manifested in one form or another.

- Dependence on someone.

- Obvious avoidance of even minor assistance to the girl. (For example, immediately busy as soon as you need help doing something)

We can probably end here.

Let's summarize. Don Juans are those men with whom, due to the characteristics of their psyche, it is almost impossible to build normal long-term relationships. Even if the girl is the best, well versed in the psychology of men, the most beautiful and the smartest, this will not stop a real Don Juan. (No matter how much you feed the wolf, he still looks into the forest). The maximum you can do is to identify them in time and refuse to communicate with him.

Best regards, Rashid Kirranov.

Just as a man looks at women and tries to determine in advance which of them will suit him, so girls try to find out what qualities a guy should have and with whom it is better for her to connect her future life.

And if we take into account all the good qualities a guy should have, then every girl will have her own ideas about the young man of her dreams. This is not surprising, since every lady has her own taste and desires.

It will probably not be a secret to anyone that both the good qualities of a guy and everything that is bad about him can only be determined by the girl who will look at him with an interested gaze. At first glance, it is quite difficult to say anything about a person.

But such questions must be clarified in advance, since the harmony of the future family will depend on this: a man and a woman must initially have a set of qualities that will allow them to either get closer together or push away from each other.

This is very important, because in order to find a common language in the most difficult situation, it is necessary not to prepare yourself for conflicts and showdowns in advance, but to notice only the best qualities in each other.

But what positive qualities should a guy have so that a woman can follow him, loving and respecting him faithfully?

You can probably say that a young man must have intelligence. Indeed, this is an important, but far from being the most important quality; the mind is a gift from above and it is inherent in every person to varying degrees. Today you can often hear that a guy should be sexy.

But in fact, this is not the main thing, because sexuality is just as much a subjective trait as the human mind. This is present not only in men, but also in women.

If we are talking about the sexuality of a young man, then it is more appropriate to pose the question as follows: how wisely does he deal with this quality?

If a girl is interested in a guy’s good qualities, then she should understand that they cannot always be immediately noticed. Psychologists say that each person can count about a hundred different qualities, both bad and good.

But still, every person has several of the most basic ones, which can be noticed even after several interactions with him. Now we are not talking about this, but about what basic good qualities should a guy have?

First quality: responsibility

Would a girl want a guy to develop a sense of duty both to her and, in the future, to his family? This means that he will look for different ways to provide for his family as best as possible and protect it from various troubles.

A responsible man does not wait for a good job to be handed to him on a silver platter and will not be dependent on a woman. If he can’t find a decent job right away, he will go unload the cars, just so that the family does not go into poverty.

Even when a guy is just dating a lady, he must show his responsibility. How? Often young ladies look at the men they date as their potential husbands.

And if a young man has such a basic quality as responsibility, then he will not fool a girl if he is not going to marry her. If a guy’s good qualities include a sense of responsibility, then he will always keep his promises.

Second quality: determination

This quality can be placed in second place, since if a guy does not have a goal in life, then he is unlikely to achieve great success. And even in the case when he has a goal only in relation to himself, then such a guy cannot be trusted, since he will only think about himself.

For a purposeful man, a woman will be an assistant and ally in achieving his goal. It is important to remember that if these are noble goals, then the union of two hearts will become quite strong.

If the highest goal is only to achieve pleasure in life, then such a union will quickly fail.

Third quality: integrity

If a guy’s good qualities include decency, then you can trust him not only with material values, but also with your future. Such a young man will never stoop to such a state as to reproach or insult his chosen one.

A person with such a quality will think not so much about himself as about the person who is nearby. A girl can entrust her honor and her life to such a young man.

But it should be borne in mind that such an indicator as decency also includes fidelity, tact, nobility, and honesty. After all, these words can be replaced in a sentence and its meaning will not change at all. Can we replace the word “decency” with “honesty”?

Of course, if you say; he acted decently (honestly, nobly), then these qualities are not only quite close, but we can say that they are even interchangeable. Such a young man will not cheat on his chosen one, either physically or mentally.

How to determine whether a man is decent?

Decency is one of the most important male qualities:

1. A decent man with two women will never pay compliments to one of them - by doing this, he not only deprives the second woman of attention, but also insults.
2. Even if he is in the presence of one woman, he will not praise or extol another in front of her.
3. In society, he will not talk about the shortcomings of other people or make comments to his girlfriend. And if he begins to sort things out with her in public, then it is necessary to part with such a person as quickly as possible.

If he doesn’t like any action or words of his chosen one, then he will find an opportunity to talk to her about this situation in private. This will be honest and fair on his part.

But it’s worth keeping in mind that the guy’s good qualities don’t stop there. In addition to responsibility, determination and decency, he must have other positive qualities that can turn a young guy into a Real man.

You should know that although the world is devoid of absolute perfection, such a thing as a “real man” still exists. You can always lean on his strong shoulder.

A real guy should be strong

This does not mean that he will have well-developed muscles, but that he will never complain or whine about anything.

Even if the circumstances are not in his favor, a real man will be able to cope with all problems.

A real guy's word is law

If a man makes any promise, he will try to fulfill it. And if he fails to fulfill it, then he will not make any promise. And this applies to promises to your girlfriend as well as to other people. He would rather lose time and money than break his word.

It is also worth remembering that you can acquire good qualities in a guy, you just have to want it. A real guy will always respect himself and others, love, appreciate and forgive.

How does sympathy for a man arise?

The first thing any woman pays attention to is her appearance. In a few seconds, we scan a man who comes into our field of vision, noting to ourselves how he is dressed, what shoes he wears, how he smells, how he is shaved and combed his hair. If, from an aesthetic point of view, everything suits us, we put a “tick” in our mind next to the phrase “seems to fit.” And we begin to perceive the man “by ear,” that is, we evaluate what and how he says. And observe - evaluate how a man behaves in society. And here, at this stageIt is very important to take your time and listen and watch carefully!

The key to success in future happiness is already in the early stages of a relationship, determine whether the prospective partner is capable of experiencing the highest moral feelings - conscience, empathy, compassion and honesty.

Sometimes this is not easy to do!

Example:

Lera met Victor at a friends birthday party. A common feast, slow dancing to romantic music, and a walk under the night moon immediately brought them closer together. A week after they met, Lera called Victor her man. He smiled indulgently in response.

In principle, Lera was pleased with her gentleman. True, Victor could not keep his promises, be late for the date or not come at all. But Lera attributed this to character traits that were unlikely to seriously overshadow their relationship. She was not alarmed by the fact that Victor could yell at a woman on the bus who had touched him with her elbow. And even when it turned out that Victor could not repay the debt to the husband of the very friend from whom they met, Lera did not sound the alarm. “He loves me,” she shrugged proudly. - “And the rest doesn’t bother me.”

When will Victor, after six months of courtship suddenly stopped communicating, Lera sobbed resentfully and in bewilderment: “What a scoundrel he is! If I knew..".

But she knew! I just didn’t want to notice!

From the first days, Lena convincingly lied to herself that everything was perfect. That this is her destiny. Lena wanted so much to quickly close the “question of finding the other half” that she turned a blind eye to Victor’s dishonesty in all its manifestations, justifying the situation in every way, and not even by comparing the merits and demerits of the chosen one (since he did not particularly demonstrate any merits, and justifying him directly there was nothing trivial), but independently attributed to him,imaginary attitude towards her. Lena, being a noble and decent person, really did not want to believe that not everyone in the world is as noble. She didn't want to admit to herself that Victor was a decent bastard. The fictional fairy tale seemed very beautiful.

This behavior is very typical of a modern, highly moral woman who has not lost faith in people. Guided by the stereotype stuck in the head “you need to get married, because if you go through men, then you are somehow wrong” and also fueled by emotions and physiological processes characteristic of the initial period of relationships, women at the very beginning of their journey either consciously or unconsciously turn a blind eye to manifestations of dishonesty on the part of a man. Or they simply do not have practical knowledge of how to determine the true essence of the man whose advances they accept.

To the question asked point-blank: “Is he a decent person?” - we will hear either a confident “yes” or a vague “in relation to me - yes.” While we are unlikely to be lucky enough to hear the reasonable, calm and wise answer “I hope so, but I can’t say so, since we have known each other for only a short time.” And of course, we are unlikely to hear “no,” since either a mentally unstable person or a woman guided by cold, cynical calculation can consciously enter into a relationship with a scoundrel.

Psychologists, what are psychologists, ordinary common sense tells us to connect our lives withnoble and decent people. Long term no dishonest man can make any woman happy for a long time. What is called, by definition. When we say “dishonest,” we do not mean a man with correctable shortcomings, such as sloppiness or laziness in everyday life. We mean a man who lacks the highest moral qualities, such as conscience, empathy, compassion and honesty, that is, a man who exhibits signs of psychopathy . And if you know how to correctly analyze a man’s behavior, know the principles of psychology, that is, know what to look at and how to interpret what you see, you can easily guess who is next to you, what his value system is and whether there is one at all.

The principle of quadruple repetition

Imagine that you have an internal counter, and before making a judgment about character person , mentally add one, noting actions whichs repeatare more than four times . Analyze the behavior of the person you are observing and track the number of repetitions of the behavior patterns that your potential partner chooses for himself in more or less similar situations.

So, A very indicative sign of nature is the desire or unwillingness to take revenge on the offender. If you notice that revenge has manifested itself four times or more, keep this in mind. Most likely in front of youpsychopath - a person in whom feelings of anger and cruelty prevail (since revenge is always associated with cruelty and even violence). A person whose personality is governed by love, tolerance and generosity will be focused on forgiveness. Yes, he can take it out on the offender, he can even resort to revenge (and, often, regret it later), but these will be one-time, not recurring situations. A if a person took revenge four times, he will take revenge at any opportunity and enjoy it. It is quite possible that one day you or your child will anger him with something. Are you ready to deliberately become an object of revenge from a cruel person? Don't think.

The essence of the human soul is most truly revealed in crisis situations. It’s not for nothing that there is a saying that a friend is a friend in need! It is extremely significant that How does a person behave when he has to make a difficult life choice? Does he take a position of unhealthy selfishness and act solely in his own interests, and choose a path that contradicts the interests of everyone else. Or his actions contain the idea of ​​caring not only for himself, but also for the environment. B A noble person, even in a crisis situation, will sacrifice personal gain for the well-being of loved ones.

The behavior of some men against the backdrop of the flood in X was very indicative in this regard. Crimean (Krasnodar region). When some men fled for their lives, abandoning everyone and everything, including their own families. Others, on the contrary, returned again and again to filled residential buildings, collecting and removing people. Even strangers. Even those with whom you were in a quarrel yesterday.

Relations within society. Pay attention to actions, they are always much more meaningful than words

Noble,decent Human respects and values ​​not only his own comfort and peace, but equally protects and appreciates the attitudes of the society in which he lives. Please note that how your chosen one treats strangers. Does he communicate with respect? service staff in a cafe, store or queue. IN outbursts of aggression or rudeness - clear reason be wary. Because a man who can be rude to a stranger will then be rude to the one next to him.

Small everyday troubles that do not concern a person personally reveal their nature very well. For example, banal assistance to a driver whose car is stuck on the road. You can drive by, or you can go out and help. As a rule, such situations do not take a lot of time, and yes, you can drive past once, because “there is no time”, you can do it a second time, but when your chosen one regularly ignores this kind of victims, and even allows himself derogatory statements from the “it’s his own fault” series ", keep in mind that one day he may begin to treat you the same way. Because such disrespect for others is characteristic of him in general, and not of would-be drivers in particular. And this must be understood very soberly. Such people show respect only where they seek personal benefits. They are not capable of disinterested expression of positive feelings, if they are able to feel at all (as is the case with psychopaths). Such a person will show or pretend to show love, affection and a desire to help only as long as it benefits him, as long as you give him something he needs, for example sex or money or a roof over his head. As soon as his need decreases, the incentive to show his best side in such people evaporates. By connecting your life with a person who is led by calculation, you risk one day realizing that you were simply used.

Constancy and loyalty. Will your love boat crash in everyday life?

A potential tendency to cheat, social and spiritual inconstancy can also be determined by indirect signs. Not always, but very often an excessive need for variety (in a variety of foods, frequent trips to new places, new entertainment and thrills) indicates that the state of a calm, measured life is such a man will be difficult to bear. The higher your companion's need for new emotions, adventures and thrills, the greater the chance that sexual and social, for example companionship, true awns are unusual for him. He's bored. He will always demand that the banquet be continued. Yes, for some it may go away with age. Others will be able to control the constant desire to “change the picture,” manage it, and even include their partner in the process of searching for new experiences, for example, traveling with you. But the fact remains that consistency is a difficult choice for such people.

To understand whether you have met a faithful person, you must try to objectively assess the degree of his readiness for the routine phenomena of life. Ask if he was diligent in school. Find out if he has any hobbies and how often he changes them. Ask your potential partner if he likes parties. Are you interested in extreme sports? Gently ask, if it is convenient, how long his relationship with your predecessors lasted. This is very valuable information, on the basis of which it is easy to judge how constant a person is.

Aggression

The level of temper and, as a consequence, aggression can also be recognized by observing a person from the outside. Processes that involve a large number of participants focused on themselves and their own line of behavior are very informative, that is, non-team social processes. For example, you will learn a lot about your companion by observing him as a participant in public traffic. Look how he drives the car. If he is nervous, swears, jerks from row to row, always tries to be the first at a traffic light, “cuts off” neighboring cars, we can say with a 99% probability that in family life he will behave in exactly the same way. Here is a quick-tempered, hot-tempered, aggressive person for whom those around him are second-class citizens. The attitude towards them will be appropriate.

Criticism and perfectionism. Excessive demands on yourself and others

There is neither fire nor evil in hell for perfectionists. There are only slightly asymmetrical chipped cauldrons there.

Try to pay attention to howcriticalHumanin relation toto myself andto others. It is quite possible that the desire to bring everything to perfection is just a mask behind which lies excessive perfectionism. And constant criticism of everything around is an indicator low self-esteem and self-doubt.

After all, who is a perfectionist? Essentially this is a child who was unloved in childhood, who had to achieve parental love with perfect homework, clean floors and immaculately carved crafts. Growing up, perfectionists, who, alas, have not found another way of recognition, continue to strive for ideality and demand ideality from the person next to them. Sometimes a perfectionist's desire for ideals turns relationships into torture. Because they can exert enormous psychological pressure on their partner, justifying their actions with seemingly noble statements from the series “I just want it to be beautiful/correct/ideal.” Perfectionists and critics constantly try to “improve” their family members, gradually instilling in them the idea that they are not “good enough” before. And although it is possible to fight manifestations of hyperperfectionism, it is very difficult.

Decency

The attitude of a decent person towards the people around him is based onthe principle of mutual exchange - “you cannot only take or only give.” A nature whose life rules lie in this plane will always repay debts and will not be afraid to borrow money if loved ones need it. He will not only accept help, but also show an independent desire to help, that is, the balance of selfishness and altruism in a decent person is almost ideal.

In addition, about How decent a person your companion is can be judged by his loyalty to the word. Decent people either keep their promises or don't make them at all. This also includes selfish lies. If you have witnessed a lie that your relationship partner is telling someone around you, be on your guard! He will most likely lie within his own family.

Vulnerability

Degree vulnerability a partner is determined by how a person reacts to barbs addressed to him - indifferently or painfully cowering.

It is clear that you should not give yourself offense and that you should protect the one who is nearby if he is not able to protect himself. For example, a man who stands up for a woman evokes approval and support. However, there are situations when no one planned to attack, but the person came up with it himself and was offended. The excessive vulnerability of one of the partners sometimes results in a state of constant tension in the couple, since there is always a fear in the air of saying something “wrong” to such a sissy and getting into another scandal with elements of hysteria. Moreover, sometimes even an innocent joke can serve as a signal for offense. A very good level of vulnerability manifests itself when a person is in the center of attention. Allow yourself a bold joke at the expense of your partner, and by how adequate his reaction is, you can judge his vulnerability.

Vulnerability, in turn, is closely related to a person’s self-esteem. In order to evaluate the chosen one according to this criterion, you need to monitor his reaction to praise. WITH he will say thank you and smile - a sign of healthy self-esteem, he will begin to make excuses and assure that there is nothing to praise him for, or he will smugly raise his eyebrow, taking kind words for granted - signs of low self-esteem. Need I say that in living together it is easier to communicate and negotiate with people with normal self-esteem? Because people with low self-esteem are characterized by touchiness, temper and perfectionism. And in a relationship, they most often need a nanny, whose meaning in life is to feel sorry for and help the innocent victim of life’s circumstances. And people with high self-esteem do not need a wife, but a fan. People with an abnormal level of self-esteem resist building partnerships, not allowing their partner to become on the same level with them. They need to stand either a little lower or a little higher. In both cases, the one who is told which step to take suffers more. In healthy relationships, people stand on the same level and do not try to consciously or even unconsciously manipulate each other.

Having determined person's character, then it is useful to find out what kind of life goals, interests, what he wants to get from the relationship. Therefore, when communicating, it is important be silent anymoreask more questions listen and watch! It is especially important to pay attention to the contradictions in your views on life and in the system of your and his values, because conflicts in this area will sooner or later appear. And do not rush to justify the gentleman you like, turning a blind eye to emerging shortcomings. Remember, everything that your chosen one does in relation to the environment, he will later broadcast within your union, in relation to you and your children!

Well, at the same time, do not forget about objectivity! If a person has demonstrated certain signs of deviation from the norm, for example, a temper has appeared, this does not mean that the relationship should be given up! There are no ideal people, but everyone has flaws. It’s just that in some cases they are insignificant and can be corrected, while in others they are incorrigible and clearly destructive. For example, the same hot temper in itself is just a character trait, and not a reason to run away from a man. A person can have a hot temperament and be impulsive, but at the same time he will never allow himself to show aggression towards a woman. It's one thing to vehemently criticize a politician on TV, and another to raise your voice at family members.

Read how to find this line between a slight tilt towards abnormality and a complete lack of chances for healthy partnerships in the following chapters of the book “Illusions in Relationships.”