There are quite a lot of people who are separated, but due to circumstances live together. The reasons for such a strange, at first glance, act may be different, but often it is the lack of separate housing. People are forced to live together while they pay off their mortgage or sell their shared apartment. Living with your ex-husband under the same roof can become a comfortable tandem or a real hell - it all depends on what rules you play by. How to build a relationship with your ex if you have to live together?

Of course, living with your ex-spouse under the same roof causes emotional stress. Especially if the woman was against divorce and wanted to maintain the relationship with her ex. Daily contact within the same apartment is a difficult test. It is important to find the right line of behavior, otherwise exhausting scandals and reproaches cannot be avoided.

You need to be especially careful in showing emotions in cases where there are children. They are very sensitive to any clarification of relations between parents. A nervous environment in the home will cause the child to become withdrawn and unsure of himself or, conversely, aggressive and hot-tempered.

In order not to completely ruin the relationship, former spouses need to learn to live together according to new rules. It is important to resolve small everyday issues: how to divide the space, who takes out the trash and buys groceries. It is everyday little things that can complicate complicated relationships and provoke heated quarrels. If you discuss all the issues in advance, living together will be much easier.

Start with a financial question

Living under the same roof entails shared expenses. First of all, agree on how you will pay your rent bills. Try to maintain financial independence as much as possible - this will help make your confusing relationships more transparent.

Don't sleep in the same bed

It is very important to set boundaries, otherwise there is a high probability that one of the partners will hope to renew the relationship. Despite your desire to feel desired, keep your emotions under control. Sometimes loneliness makes people do rash things that they later regret.

Psychologists say that even if there is an intimate relationship between former spouses, it is better to sleep in separate beds. This will help avoid unfounded claims and protect against false expectations.

Respect each other's personal space

It is very difficult for women to accept the fact that the ex now has every right to live his life without providing an account of every step. Respect your partner's personal space. This can concern anything: food, household chemicals or his room. Never interfere in his affairs, so as not to completely ruin your relationship with your ex.

When people break up, love often turns into hatred. If your ex-spouse behaves inappropriately, try not to react to his provocations. He has one goal - to exalt himself and get you emotional. Psychologists say that after the stage of anger comes humility. Do not respond to his anger with aggression - then it will be much more difficult to break this circle. It’s better to find strength in yourself and give your ex time to calm down.

If you are the aggressor, try to accept your feelings. Talk to a loved one, express your emotions on paper, or seek help from a psychologist. But don’t sling mud - it will ruin your relationship with your ex and, first of all, harm you.

If his love is alive...

Situations where the ex-husband is not ready to let go of his ex-wife are not uncommon. He can live his own life, but does not accept the free behavior of his ex-wife. The jealous person arranges interrogations, “suffering” over lost love. Such confusing relationships can bring a lot of negative emotions and experiences.

First of all, figure out whether you are really ready to leave or whether such attention flatters you and increases your self-esteem. Women can keep a man close through manipulation and nonverbal cues. Carefully analyze your behavior, think about whether you are allowing your ex to forget you or giving false hope.

Lay the right foundation

Friendship between exes is rare. But even if you don’t become good friends, it’s important to lay the right foundation so that future relationships develop harmoniously. Then you can live under the same roof without making sarcastic remarks about each other.

Conduct an internal dialogue, mentally express all your complaints to your ex - this will help heal the emotional trauma that the separation caused.

To end a confusing relationship, you need to understand the reasons that led to disagreements. Only then will you be able to let go of the past and see a happy future. Sometimes it happens that after self-analysis people realize that they separated in vain. They are still attracted to each other, they are not ready to start a new life.

Living together with a former partner provides an opportunity to look at the situation differently. Minor grievances are forgotten and people begin to appreciate each other's positive qualities.

Psychologists believe that in such a situation one must be extremely careful and not rush into reunification. Perhaps the thaw in relations with your ex is just an illusion. The alien and unapproachable always attracts - that is why many couples get back together, but make the same mistakes and again suffer from misunderstanding.

There is no need to go out of your way to save a relationship that ended long ago. Take the need to live under one roof as a temporary inconvenience, a coincidence. Mentally let go of your ex and focus on your life. Be polite, correct and friendly - this is a powerful weapon against anger and aggression. Be happy today - this is the best thing you can do now!

Divorce is always the end of a marriage, but not always the end of cohabitation and not always the end of family life. Moreover, divorce does not mean that you can give up on your personal life altogether. It is possible and how! Divorce is simply a legally formalized stage in life to which you need to be able to adapt.

Sometimes it happens that ex-spouses are happy and continue to live together. There are a number of reasons for this, each such couple has its own reasons.

Reasons why ex-spouses live together

The divorce was fictitious

The concept of a fictitious marriage is known to many, but the concept of a fictitious divorce is not particularly widespread. However, sometimes spouses divorce to resolve some financial and housing issues, but at the same time they preserve their family and continue to live together. For example, their total income does not allow them to receive any subsidies, subsidies or other social support measures.

Such a family is practically no different from a family in which the marriage has not been dissolved. As a rule, others do not even know that the spouses have divorced. Such a divorce does not affect children in any way. However, one must understand that such cohabitation is not a marriage, and therefore is not protected by law in any way.

The divorce was hasty and thoughtless

Typically, such a divorce occurs between young spouses without children. In the heat of a quarrel, they threaten each other to file for divorce and actually submit an application to the registry office. In order not to “lose face,” they go and file a divorce, but in fact have no intention of truly separating.

Such couples continue to live together and sometimes remarry, for example, in the event of pregnancy. For mature couples who already have children, such divorces practically never happen. Firstly, they value family more and strive to preserve it, and secondly, divorce with children is possible only in court.

And the court always provides time for reconciliation, so by the time of the divorce process, spouses who have no real intention to divorce will have time to change their minds.

Divorced spouses have nowhere to live separately

This happens if the family lived in a small apartment or even a room, the division of which would not allow purchasing housing for each of the spouses.

Or the housing is registered in the name of a minor child and therefore cannot be divided between the spouses, since they are not the owners. Or the family does not have their own housing at all, only rented one, and they cannot afford to rent housing for each spouse separately.

If the housing issue comes down to the reluctance of one of the spouses to share the jointly owned living space, then it can be resolved by going to court.

Divorced spouses do not want to advertise their new marital status for some reason

For example, in order not to traumatize the psyche of an elderly or seriously ill relative, spouses end family relationships and only share shelter with each other. With the normal organization of life and neighborhood, the relationship between former spouses resembles the relationship between those living in a communal apartment.

If they do not have children, then they can easily coexist peacefully next to each other. Having children will complicate the situation, since a clear change in the quality of the relationship will be noticed by him and will raise many questions.

The appearance of family is maintained for the sake of the child

This is not always correct. Sometimes it is easier for a child to cope with the stress of learning that his parents have divorced and will no longer live together than to witness a “cold war” day after day between his closest people. The child sensitively perceives that a different relationship is developing between his mother and father than it was before - without love, trust, and mutual assistance. The child begins to delve into himself, feels guilty for the parents’ cooling towards each other. This leads to various child health disorders. Therefore, the supposedly humane preservation of the family “for the sake of the children” is in fact very undesirable, since the harm from such preservation is much greater than the benefit.

Cohabitation meets the needs of joint business

Ex-husband and wife have a chance to become reliable business partners for each other in such a situation. For example, a family’s business is based at their place of residence - a mini-poultry farm, a farm, a beauty salon, a store, a pet hotel, etc. Family relationships may exhaust themselves, but partnerships will survive.

Therefore, a divorce will provide an opportunity to re-arrange your personal life without losing either your business or your profits.

However, each couple living together after a divorce has its own reason.

Should ex-spouses live together?

It is possible to coexist normally, like neighbors, with your ex-spouse only under a number of conditions:

• The ex-spouse does not abuse alcohol, does not use psychoactive and narcotic substances for personal use, in other words, does not enter an antisocial altered state;
• The ex-husband is not aggressive and does not show signs of violence against his ex-wife, otherwise living with him is simply dangerous;
• He does not insist on maintaining family relationships if the wife does not want to renew this relationship with him, otherwise such harassment will sooner or later lead the woman to a nervous breakdown;
• He does not abuse the opportunity to live with his wife, arranging noisy get-togethers with friends, bringing new women into the house if the dimensions of the housing do not allow for intimacy (if ex-spouses live in separate rooms, then they can bring into their living area whoever they consider necessary without violating the rights of others).
• He does not refuse to participate in paying for the use and maintenance of the housing in which he continues to live with his ex-wife.

Sometimes living together between spouses leads to remarriage. But most often the marriage is not registered, even if the neighborly relationship has again become a full-fledged marital relationship.

It happens that some time passes after a divorce and the spouses realize that the “divorced” life does not suit them. Then they can start living together again after several years of separation. The relationship between them has a chance of becoming strong and stable, but only if they do not become jealous of each other for those partners with whom each had a relationship after the divorce.

Thus, living together after a divorce sometimes helps to rethink your life and return to each other, learn to truly value family.

However, if the former spouses are clearly determined to completely end their relationship with each other, if the contradictions between them are excessively significant, if maintaining normal good neighborly relations between them is out of the question, then living together will only aggravate mutual negativity. In this case, the most reasonable thing is to immediately leave and resolve all legal issues remotely.

In general, living together with a former spouse is a rather ambiguous concept. Psychologists, for example, tend to believe that in this situation the man is considered free, and the woman is considered married. On the one hand, this allows a woman to feel more confident, on the other hand, it can significantly infringe on her ability to feel free and establish a new life.

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pLUBOB: - h YUEN-FP OBYB YUFPTYS U dYNPK VSHMB FYRYUOPK. vTBL RP MAVCHY, ЪБНЭУБФЭМШОШ ПФОПЕОYС Х RETCHSHCHE RSFSH MEF UPCHNEUFOPK TSYYOY. CHUE VSHMP RTELTBUOP, RPLB OE RPSCHYMUS TEVEOPL. NSH OBMY P UENEKOSCHI LTYYUBI, CHPOILBAEYI RPUME TPTSDEOYS TEVEOLB. hairdryer OE NEOEE OBU OBUFYZMY CHUEN YICHEUFOSH RTPVMENSH. with RPMOPUFSHA PFDBMBUSH ЪBVPFBN P NBMSCHYLE, NHC TECHOPCHBM, VSHM OEDPCHPMEO NPEC "IPMPDOPUFSHA" Y OECHOINBOYEN, U DPYULPK PVEBMUS OE FBL OTsOP, LBL FPZP IPFEMPUSH VSHCHNOE. about BYUBMYUSH ULBODBMSHCH. with OE RTYOBCHBMB EZP TBCHOPDHYYS RP PFOPEYOYA L UCHPENKH TEVEOLKH. dYNB FPCE, CHYDYNP, TBMAVYM NEOS. OB LBLPE-FP CHTENS S KHYMB TSYFSH L TPDYFEMSN, OP CHULPTE CHETOHMBUSH PVTBFOP (CHNEUFE U OBNY CH DCHHILPNOBFOPK LCHBTFYTE EEE TSYMY NPK VTBF Y VBVKHYLB). x OBU U dYNPK VSHMB FTEILPNOBFOBS LCHBTFYTB, Y NSCH DPZPCHPTYMYUSH, YuFP X LBTSDPZP VHDEF UCHPS LPNOBFB, B ZPUFIOBS PUFBOEFUS PVEEK. RETCHPE CHTENS NSCH PVEBMYUSH YULMAYUYFEMSHOP ЪBRYULBNY. HIPDS U DPYULPK ABOUT RTPZHMLKH, WITH PUFBCHMSMB ABOUT UFPME RPUMBOYE: "rTYYYEM UUEF ЪB FEMEZHPO. ъBRMBFY ЪB LCHBTFYTH. x nBTYYLY ЪBLPOYUYUMYUSH RBNRETUSCH." chPCHTBEBSUSH U RTPZHMLY, S OBIPDIMB ABOUT UFPME LCHYFBOGYY, DEOSHZY Y LMPYUPL VKHNBZY: "chPF DEOSHZY ABOUT CHUE." CHYUETPN NSCH CHYDEMYUSH FP ABOUT LHIOE, FP CH ZPUFYOPK Y PZTBOYUYCHBMYUSH RTPUFSHNY RTYCHEFUFCHYSNY. yOPZDB dYNB URTBYCHBM, OE OHTSOP MY YuEZP nBTYOE. with ZPTDP PFCHYUBMB, YuFP X OEE EUFSH CHUE, YuFP OHTsOP. yOPZDB DAYNE ЪCHPOYMY TSEOOEYOSCH. bFP NEOS UFTBYOP ЪМИМП. ъOBYUIF, RPLB S CHPURYFSHCHBA OBUKH DPYUSH, BY KHUFTBYCHBEF UCHPY BNHTOSHCHE DEMYIL! dYNB RTYIPDIM RPJDOP. y IPFS S DEMBMB CHYD, YuFP NOE CHUE TBCHOP, UBNB CE RSHCHFBMBUSH KHMPCHYFSH ЪBRBI DHIPCH YMY ЪBNEFYFSH LBLYE-FP DTHZIE UMDSH PVEEOYS U TsEOEYOPK. u KHDYCHMEOYEN S PVOBTHTSYMB, YUFP dYNB CHUE EEE OE VETBMYUEO NOE. lBL-FP UTEDY OPYUY X DPYUETY RPDOSMBUSH FENRETBFHTB. h RBOILE S LYOHMBUSH L NHTSKH. nsch CHNEUFE NEFBMYUSH X nBTYYLYOPK LTPCHBFLY. dYNB VSHM RETERKHZBO OE NEOSHIE NPEZP, Y CH LFPF LTYFYUEULYK NPNEOF NSCH ЪBVSHCHMY P FPN, YuFP OE TBZPCHBTYCHBEN. ъБВПФШЧ П ЪДПППЧШЭ ДПУUETY OBU OENOPZP UVMYYMY. FERETSH NSCH HCE PVEBMYUSH LBTSDSCHK DEOSH, RP PYUETEDY DETSKHTYMY KH LTPCHBFLY. lPZDB TEVEOPL CHSHCHJDPTPCHEM, HCE VSHMP LBL-FP OEMERP UOPCHB NPMYUBFSH, Y NSCH RETEVTBUSHCHBMYUSH ABOUT LHIOE RBTPC UMPC. chPNPTSOP, dYNB CHUFTEYUBMUS U LBLYNY-FP TSEOOYOBNY - CHTSD MY ON UNPZ VSH PVPKFYUSH VE'UELUB RPYUFY ZPD. OP DPNPK ON OYLPZP OE RTYCHPDYM. x NEOS FPTSE VSHM OEVPMSHYPK TPNBO, OP S EZP UETSHEOP OE CHPURTYOINBMB. NSHCH U MAVPCHOILPN CHUFTEYUBMYUSH RBTH TB CH NEUSG ABOUT EZP LCHBTFYTE - Y CHUE. about VPMSHYEE X NEOS OE VSHMP OH READING, OH TSEMBOYS. CHULPTE DAYNE RPDCHETOHMUS YBOU RPTBVPFBFSH ЪB ZТBOYGEK, Y PO KHEIBM ABOUT RPMZPDB CH ZETNBOIA. fPZDB S CHDTHZ RPYUKHCHUFCHPCHBMB, LBL NOE EZP OE ICHBFBEF! uOBYUBMB dYNB FPMSHLP RTYUSCHMBM DEOSHZY, RPFPN UFBM RYUBFSH RYUSHNB. with PFCHYUBMB. rYUSHNB UFBOPCHYMYUSH DMYOOEE, RPDTPVOEE. OBLPOEG, DYNB NOE OBRYUBM, YuFP RPTB HCE RTELTBFYFSH PVNBOSCHCHBFSH UEVS, YuFP PO NEOS RP-RTETSOENH MAVYF, Y RTEDMPTSYM UOPCHB CHSHKFY ЪB OEZP ЪБНХЦ. dMS UEVS S HCE FPCE TEYYMB, YuFP MHYUYE DNSH OILZP OE CHUFTEYUKH, Y PFCHEFYMB UPZMBUYEN. lPZDB dYNB CHETOKHMUS, NSCH RPDBMY ЪBSCHMEOYE CH ЪBZU Y UOPCHB UFBMY NHTSEN Y TsEOPK. rPUME RETECYFPZP NSCH PVB YYNEOMYUSH. fBL UNEYOP CHURPNYOBFSH OBUY RTETSOE LPOZHMYLFSH YJ-UB RHUFSLPCH. nsch UFBMY OBNOPZP FETRYNE DTHZ L DTHZH. iPTPYP, YuFP NSH OE TBNEOSMY LCHBTFYTH Y OE TBYAEEIBMYUSH. CHEDSH NSCH NPZMY UFBFSH YUKHTSYNY DTKHZ DTHZKH MADSHNY...lBL RTBCHYMP, RPUME TBCHPDB MADI PUFBAFUS CH PDOPK LCBTFYTE OE PF IPTPYEK TSYYOY. sing VSHCH Y TBDSCH OE NEYBFSH DTKhZ DTHZKH, OE RPRBDBFSHUS LBTSDSCHK DEOSH ABOUT ZMBB, OP PVUFPSPFEMSHUFCHB VSHCHBAF UIMSHOEEE TSEMBOEK. oELPFPTSCHE UENSHY ZPDBNY TSYCHHF CH TBCHPDE RPD PDOPK LTSHCHYEK, Y YI TSYMSHE RTECHTBBEBEFUS, RP UHFY, CH LPNNHOBMSHOKHA LCHBTFYTH. "yopzdb with bbvschchba, yufp upued rp lchbtfite - NPK vschchyyk nkhts"
mYDYS:- nShch U NHTSEN RPDBMY ABOUT TBCHPD RPUM FTEI MEF VTBLB. bMELUEK PLBBMUS NHTSYUYOPK, UPCHETYOOOP OE RTYURPUPVMOOOSCHN L UENEKOPK TSYYOY. lTPNE UCHPEK ZHYYIL, PO OYUEN OE YOFETEUPCHBMUS. CHUE UCHPE CHTENS RPUCHSEBM OBRYUBOYA DYUUETFBGYY. Refinery NEUSGBNY OE ЪBTBVBFSCHBFSHOY LPREKLY, RTY LFPN EZP OE CHPMOPCHBMP, PFLKHDB VETHFUS CH DPNE IMEV, NPMPLP...PO TH TBCHPDH OE UPRTPFYCHMSMUS. ulbbm: "rPUFKHRBK, LBL OBEYSH". UFTBOOP, UFP ON CHPPVEE LPZDB-FP TSEOMUS ABOUT NO! rTY EZP RPDIPDE L TsYOY OE NPZMP VSHFSH Y TEYUY, YUFP ON RETEEDEF YЪ OBIJEK PVEEK LCHBTFYTSCH. lFP TSE OBDP YuFP-FP DEMBFSH, ECHEMYFSHUS, FTBFYFSH CHTENS Y DEOSHZY ABOUT PVHUFTPKUFChP... fBL NSHCH Y PUFBMYUSH TSYFSH CHNEUFE: CH PDOPK LPNOBFE - bMELUEK, CH DCHHI DTHZYI - S, NPY N BNB Y DPYUSH. UP CHTENEOEN X LBTSDPZP CHSTTBVPFBMUS UCHPK TsYJOEOOOSCHK KHLMBD. nPE IP'SKUFCHP CHEMB NBNB, bMELUEK KHRTBCHMSMUS UBN. pVEDBM PO, CHYDYNP, CH UFPMPCHPK, RPFPNH YuFP, LTPNE YuBS, OYUEZP UEVE OE RPLHRBM. UMPCHPN, ABOUT LHIOE ON RPSCHMSMUS TEDLP, EZP RPMLB CH IMPPDYMSHOYLE RPYUFY CHUEZDB VSHMB RHUFPK. DOY DMS UFYTLY NSCH RPDEMYMY: NOE - UHVVPFB, ENKH - CHULTEUEOSH. pFOPYEOYS X OBU CHRPMOE NYTPMAVICHSHCHE. nBNB YOFETEUHEFUS EZP OBHYUOSCHNY DEMBNY, YOPZDB, FBKLPN PF NEOS, RPDLBTTNMYCHBEF. dPUSH PFGB PVPTSBEF. lPZDB PO TBTEYBEF yte RPUIDEFSH X OEZP "CH LBVYOEFE", TEVEOPL NYFUS UP CHUEI OPZ. OB EZP DEOSHZY S HCE DBCHOP OE TBUUUYFSHCHBA, OBKHYUMBUSH ЪBTBVBFSCHBFSH UBNB. vMBZP, UP NOPK TSYCHEF NBNB, LPFPTBS RTYUNBFTYCHBEF ЪB DPYULPK. with KHUFTPYMBUSH CH IPTPYKHA ZHYTNKH Y RTPRBDBA ABOUT TBVPFE DPRPDOB. lHRYMB OPCHSHCHK FEMECHYPT, ЪBUFELMYMB VBMLPO - PF bMELUES ​​CHUE TBCHOP OE DPTsDEYSHUS. 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Gerda

Hello. I am 38 years old. My husband is 50. Our marriage is repeated for both of us. We've been living together for 10 years. From my first marriage I have a son, 17 years old. His husband adopted him. We have a 10-year-old child together. From his first marriage, my husband has 2 sons, 28 and 26 years old. His ex-wife is the same age as him. I met my husband when he was already divorced. They lived in the same apartment with their ex-wife. I got pregnant. She refused to have an abortion. It was difficult for the husband, one might say ashamed, to leave his first wife. I felt guilty before the children (perhaps also before my ex-wife?). And as I understood, he couldn’t leave me either, because I’m pregnant. A child was born. We got married almost a year after birth. (Am I ashamed in front of the children from 1 marriage and relatives that he will be married to another?, but also ashamed in front of my relatives that he is not married to me?) At first I even tried to make a proposal that he would live with 2 families: spend the night here and there here! we argued a lot about this. I can't accept this. It gradually settled down. I started living here. His ex-wife never left him alone. Constant calls for household help. He helped behind my back and openly. Afraid of becoming bad in the eyes of the children and her. There was discord in our family over raising children and distributing finances. My husband is quite strict in his upbringing. I couldn't let the children get beaten. Therefore, he distanced himself from them, justifying this by the fact that his father raised him this way, he intervened only when he was out of control, and his mother took care of the rest. I belittle his authority in front of the children by standing up for them, we have different approaches to education, but there should be one, so take care of them yourself, since you don’t like what I do. For many years, his contact with children consisted of saying hello and how are you. No joint trips or interests. Perhaps, at the same time, he communicated with those children, realizing himself in the role of a father. At first, all the financial support was on him, which he did well. I was a student and my income was meager. But as soon as I went to work, certain areas of the family budget gradually began to shift to me: first I had to buy washing and soap supplies from my salary, then food was added, then utilities, then clothes and children, then everything else. There was never any common money. I don’t know how much my husband gets. We live in a 3-room apartment, which I inherited from my parents. About 6 years ago he was left with a country house from his father. Since then, my husband has been there every weekend. He doesn’t invest money in the apartment; I do the renovations with my own money. My husband has the position that the children and I can do without everything, so there is no need to invest money: the toilet is broken - you need to know how to go to the toilet, hang a weight so that the water does not flow, the floor on the balcony is rotten - why is it even needed to be removed? This position is not only about repairs. Whatever we want, whatever we need, is superfluous, be it preparatory chickens, a sports section for children or a vacation at sea. Today, my husband comes on Monday evening, spends Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at home (he comes at eight o’clock, eats, washes, watches TV, sleeps, goes to work), leaves on Friday morning and returns on Monday. He says that he is tired and needs to be alone, to take a break from us. The money brings in half of my salary, not a penny more. Even if you die, he no longer has it. I know that he communicates with his ex-wife regularly, sometimes almost daily, to resolve some issues. Blundering, all-approving behavior with sons from a previous marriage. celebrates holidays behind my back with my ex-wife, her and my birthdays, perhaps others too. There is only one answer to my requests to stop: I myself will decide with whom and how I communicate. She doesn’t leave me either, she kicked me out for bad reasons, persuaded me to leave for good reasons. Answer: I myself will decide when and where to come. I cannot accept that I am different from my ex-wife only by having sex with me. especially since I’m also “hysterical, and he needs a calmer woman.” a woman who will accept all his decisions unconditionally and with joy, while working hard like a horse and becoming independent when he gets tired of her and goes away to rest. I am asking for help with advice. I already realized that he married me “on the fly” and in soul he is with his former family. (Or does it just seem so to me?) How to stop this. Divorce?

Merbay

Gerda, hello.
Thank you for the detailed story, it will help psychologists understand the current situation.
After some time, the psychologist will comment on your topic and help you find answers to all your questions.

Hello Gerda! From the very beginning, your situation with your husband is very ambiguous. As I understand it, you have never had agreement and mutual understanding on all issues. You got together only after the birth of your common child and at first he supported you and the child financially. And as soon as you became independent in terms of earning money and raising children, he actually stepped aside and insured you in case something happened to the children. will go wrong. Did I understand your picture of family life correctly?

Gerda

Now I see everything exactly like this. I apologize that I haven't responded for a while. I didn’t want to bring up this topic, I tried to distance myself, not think, just live as best I could. During this time, changes have occurred. I had a conversation with my husband. I told everything that hurt me. I explained that I would no longer be able to live as before. If there are no changes, then we need to part ways. I told him that I don’t consider this relationship a family one, that I am at least alone, I see that his interests are not connected with me or our children. That it hurts me to realize that no matter how hard I try, I won’t become needed. I can no longer tolerate his leaving for the weekend, or even 5 days, or his “friendly relationship” with his ex-wife. In fact, it turned out that I presented him with a choice: either you change and live here and our interests, or leave and live the life that you like, but only in such a way that I never see you again, gradually get sick and forget. He also complained to me, mainly that I always give orders, but I need to remind and ask more. Relationships have changed. It seems to me that he does not want to lose our family. But at the same time, he feels uncomfortable living with us. He stopped going to live in a country house. He’s trying to fulfill my requests, learning to find time for them. Although there are attempts to return to the previous way of life: he pretends to be tired in the evenings, tells me to let him go to a country house once a week, that he doesn’t get enough sleep in the apartment. Then I suggested we move there for the summer. (probably scared). I myself began to go to that house, began to help him with the garden, and took an interest in remodeling the stove that he had started there. She began to say that there was something to do in the apartment. He needs to fix this and that, re-glue the wallpaper... he doesn’t seem to refuse, but he doesn’t have much desire either. Although my help in the garden is received with a bang. It even seems to me that he is trying to blame the garden on me. Although it was his kind of hobby, it seemed to me. Also, according to him, he reduced communication with his ex-wife. I don't believe. It seems to me that he began to hide this very carefully, so as not to provoke my questions and discontent. This woman suddenly disappeared from my life: sometimes every week she needed something, and sometimes she was completely gone. I calmed down for a while, everything seemed to be getting better. But... I have a feeling that I have some kind of mental illness - I’m restless. And this “restlessness” is expressed to such an extent that it causes insomnia and extreme suspicion. I don't trust my husband. I don’t believe that this will last long, I don’t believe his words that he stopped communicating with his ex-wife, etc. I react painfully to even the slightest inattention towards me or the children. I constantly compare his attitude towards the children from his first marriage and ours (and not for the better, although this may be true). The same goes for me and my ex-wife. I now consider myself an overseer who forcibly forced this man to live in a hateful apartment, with unnecessary children and an unloved wife, I force him to fulfill his duties through force. And here’s another thing: I want to look after him, do everything good for him, live with him, be close, I don’t need anyone else, and then I want to hurt him, take the children and leave so that he won’t be found, cheat out of spite, ignore, not talk . I have a nightmare in my head. I'm fixated on this situation. Lost interest in life. I want to believe in the best, but it doesn’t work out. I remember only the bad, I see only the bad, I even look for it in words and actions, waiting for it to get worse. Help if possible. I understand that something is wrong with me.

Hello, Alexander!

How to find a way out of the situation considering that I live in the same apartment and theoretically see the children, but in fact I cannot participate in their upbringing
Alexander

I think you should file a lawsuit about the order of communication with children and set out in detail the whole situation.

According to Article 66 of the RF IC 1. A parent living separately from the child has the right to communicate with the child, participate in his upbringing and resolve issues regarding the child’s education.
The parent with whom the child lives should not interfere with the child’s communication with the other parent, if such communication does not harm the child’s physical and mental health or his moral development.
2. Parents have the right to enter into a written agreement on the procedure for exercising parental rights by a parent living separately from the child.
If the parents cannot come to an agreement, the dispute is resolved by the court with the participation of the guardianship and trusteeship authority at the request of the parents (one of them). At the request of the parents (one of them) in the manner established by civil procedural legislation, the court, with the obligatory participation of the guardianship and trusteeship authority, has the right to determine the procedure for the exercise of parental rights for the period before the court decision enters into legal force.

I understand that the law states about a parent living separately, but we need to present the situation as it is.

In addition, I recommend that you contact the guardianship and trusteeship authorities with a statement regarding the improper performance of parental responsibilities by your spouse, since children should have their own regime and daily routine, and sitting with the child until the night with relatives causes harm to the child’s health.

Article 5.35 of the Code of Administrative Offenses of the Russian Federation 1. Failure to fulfill or improper fulfillment by parents or other legal representatives of minors of duties for the maintenance, education, training, protection of the rights and interests of minors - entails a warning or the imposition of an administrative fine in the amount of one hundred to five hundred rubles.

Also indicate in the application that the mother does not allow communication with the children and ask for administrative liability. It is possible that if the guardianship draws up a protocol and holds the person accountable, the fact will be established and accepted by the court as valid evidence.

2. Violation by parents or other legal representatives of minors rights and interests of minors, expressed in deprivation of their right to communicate with their parents or close relatives, if such communication does not contradict the interests of children, in deliberately concealing the location of children against their will, in failure to comply with a court decision to determine the place of residence of children, including a court decision to determine the place of residence of children for the period before the entry into force of the court decisions to determine their place of residence, failure to comply with a court decision on the procedure for the exercise of parental rights or on the procedure for the exercise of parental rights for the period before the entry into force of a court decision, or otherwise preventing parents from exercising their rights to raise and educate children and to protect their rights and interests , - entails the imposition of an administrative fine in the amount of two thousand to three thousand rubles.