The husband cannot support the family. The husband does not support the family. Why does a man refuse to provide for his family?

This is how it happens: you try to get married, push the groom to the altar, and then bam - you got married, but there is no responsibility on the part of the husband. He doesn’t provide for his family, he doesn’t strive for high earnings, he doesn’t care about the family’s wealth, and you have to manage everything yourself.

Why is this happening? Maybe she was in a hurry to get married? Or did she screw up somewhere?

When the problem is the man

Women love to talk about their husbands in a negative way. It’s ugly, but sometimes they are right: “Yes, I was in a hurry, didn’t see it well, jumped out to get married, and he turned out to be the hero of a novel that wasn’t mine.”

The key word here is “hurried.” After all, a couple of years of living together without children wouldn’t hurt. The first two years are a time of grinding in characters, and they should not be in the bouquet and candy period, but in life together. At this time, you get to know a person, and there is no point in expecting him to change.

So what could you have missed in his character because of your haste?

Infantilism

The man did not succeed as an adult. Responsibility for him is something from the realm of fantasy. You need to take care of him yourself rather than calling him to some serious actions.

Mental infantilism has nothing to do with mental retardation. A man is not a fool, he perceives the world as it is, but he has no desire to work on himself and develop.

How can you recognize an infantile man:

He is unable to make independent decisions. He needs to be pushed literally with a poke in the back. Otherwise, all his ideas are childish nonsense.

He has no goals in life. Life goes with the flow - and that’s okay. No interests, no aspirations, no inspiration for exploits.

He has dependent tendencies. He doesn't mind being henpecked as long as he isn't touched or forced to make decisions.

He is incapable of adaptation. It is difficult for him to change anything in his life, since it is real stress for him. He perceives changing jobs or moving as a disaster.

Why does this happen to adult-looking men? The main reason is the strange upbringing of the parents. Especially if the head of the family has always been an authoritarian mother, and the father in the last role. Or it wasn't there at all. Before her marriage, the mother wiped her “child’s” nose, told him what to do, and the guy simply relaxed his brain.

What to do with such an infant? In principle, this is not the worst option, because its main distinguishing feature is that it is a follower. In the article you will find out all the options that can be done with him: does he have at least some abilities, is it possible to enlist the help of an influential person, where he needs to work, knowing his psychotype.

You can direct him yourself if you really care about this person. It’s a disaster for that family if both the husband and wife are both naive and childish. They can multiply endlessly, live in poverty on child benefits and hope for a miracle that will not happen.

Laziness and selfishness

This is the case when the guy is far from a fool, but he lifts a finger only when the benefit shines specifically on him. “What will I get for this?” - this phrase is often found among lazy egoists.

Such a man is in no hurry to get married. And if he has already decided, then “hold on wife”: her commanding voice means nothing to him, he will either walk away from the scandal, or he will slam his fist on the table.

The woman who thinks that the birth of a child will push this bumpkin to some kind of action is stupid. He is an egoist, he loves only himself, children can only aggravate an already shaky relationship, because their crying will disturb his sleep, and outdoor games with them are beyond the strength of the idiot.

Besides:

He will not strain himself at physically difficult work, because this can undermine his precious health and fragile psyche.

He will not deal with children with the excuse: “You yourself wanted them, but I didn’t!” By the way, if this is true, then he will be right.

He will firmly differentiate the financial budget into “mine” and “common”. Moreover, the advantage will be on his side: the family can do without spiritual food, but he cannot.

What can be done? Egoists are very vulnerable deep down, and someone else’s opinion is not an empty phrase for them. But for them the intonation of what is said is important. If his wife is hysterical, then his majestic ears do not catch the scream. If she praises him, he melts. You can read about this in the article.

The opinions of others (relatives, friends, acquaintances) are also of great importance. If they threateningly urge him to work for his family, he will most likely break off all relations with his advisers.

It’s another matter if they act wisely: they admire his achievements, intelligence and success (although all this is questionable), and they hint that what kind of family you have is so strange, it doesn’t match you: the wife is poorly dressed, the children don’t go to their circles walking. Teach your wife to be a real lady, take her shopping, take her to the salon, take these pale ones out on a picnic to sunbathe.

For an egoist, no matter how lazy he is, it is very important that he has all the best, even a family, at least for show. He moved from his place - admire him, rejoice, like a girl, at his gifts. There is no other way with him.

When the woman is the problem

Yes, oddly enough, the wives themselves are sometimes to blame for the fact that the husband does not want to provide for the family. What are these reasons?

If she spoiled him

This is a common problem for older women whose main goal is marriage. The good men were dismantled, all that was left were the infantas, the selfish and the lazy. They are opportunists and sometimes swindlers.

And so the dates began: everything on her territory and everything at her expense. Like, I’ll lure you in, and then he’ll work on me, a good one, and shower me with gold. But no, this trick didn’t work: he also eats at her expense and pretends that he can’t get a job. And she feels sorry for him.

It’s good with “mommies”. But such a marriage is rarely short-lived. As soon as “mommy” pushes her husband out of her territory, he will begin to pretend that he is improving. But when he returns, he relaxes.

Sometimes such a marriage is normal if the wife lacks such an older child. And they really have mutual love. And the fact that the husband does not help with money is not a problem, the wife will provide.

If she herself is selfish

May he provide it to the best of his abilities and capabilities! But it’s not enough for her: she’s seen enough of a beautiful life in TV series, and let’s get weird - she needs, they say, “like everyone else,” a cool car, a vacation in the Maldives, perfume from Versace.

And the husband is only capable of providing wealth for the family. He would be happy to please his wife with delights, but his only fault is that he sometimes wants to sleep at night and not grind 24 hours a day. You need to be more modest, girl.

If the family no longer exists

Many women believe that even after a divorce, a stamp in a passport can mean something. Well, my husband didn’t file for divorce on time, he just left, and to another woman whom he provides for.

He is obliged to pay child support, he is not obliged to meet with them, but if he is a good father, then he will participate in their lives. But he should not take full provision for his former family into his own hands.

A man is only in the family where he is fed after work and put to bed. Wherever he is drawn after work, he will give at least his entire salary with joy and trust. And there is no need to call him to conscience, because the wife who did not create comfort and a good microclimate in the family in time is unscrupulous.

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. It’s like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

If you're interested, you can. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.

Every year you can increasingly hear complaints from women that their husbands refuse to provide for their family. You can also somehow come to terms with the fact that a man earns little. But how to behave in a situation when the responsibility to support not only yourself and your children, but also a healthy adult man falls on your fragile shoulders? What if he still has the audacity to not do housework (cooking, cleaning), but spends all day just lying on the couch or having fun at your expense?

First you need to find out the main reasons why men turn from breadwinners into domestic sloths.

Have you ever wondered why a person becomes responsible? Many people think that it is a matter of their own choice. However, this choice is in any case conditioned by certain circumstances. So, if in childhood a child is pampered too much and is not given any responsibilities, then in the future with a 90% probability he will become a selfish consumer. On the contrary, when a person from an early age is forced to take care of his younger brother or sister and help mom and dad with housework, he will grow up responsible and conscientious.

Similar principles apply in family life. Many women, without noticing it themselves, pamper their companions too much and do not require them to perform important duties.

For example, a representative of the fair sex saves on her desires (buying new clothes, accessories, visiting entertainment events and beauty salons) in order to buy food for the house. What about the husband? Isn't this his responsibility too? The fact is that men are much less likely than women to make sacrifices. They do not understand the suffering that their companions experience in trying to get money for their family. All they see is that the refrigerator is full. This means you don’t have to worry about earning money for food yet.

A man becomes responsible when he needs to take care of someone. And provided that he loves those he can take care of. Therefore, if a wife builds a successful career, boasts about her high earnings, and constantly buys things that are meaningful to the family, she is showing her strength and independence. Why take care of a woman who can handle everything perfectly herself?

A woman can also demonstrate opposite qualities that reduce a man’s motivation to earn money. For example, he behaves too capriciously, constantly demands new gifts, has a tendency to waste, and completely refuses to work. The desire to take care of her is unlikely to arise, because the man simply does not want to be used.

Why does a man refuse to provide for his family?

So, the following habits in a woman’s behavior can push a man away from earning money for his family:

She constantly saves on herself.
She strives to earn a lot of money on her own and demonstrate independence and strength to others (including her husband).
Hyper-responsible. She believes that if she cannot provide for her family, her husband will not replace her.
Too capricious and selfish.

If you want your husband to start providing for the family, give up the image of a strong and independent woman. But you shouldn’t stoop to the level of a dependent. You must show the man that you are able to earn money for yourself, but providing for your family is his responsibility. You have the right to work, build a career, realize your professional potential and creativity. But your income should be spent primarily on yourself. Take care of your appearance, go to a cafe, buy new clothes regularly and put aside a small amount of money every month (this will help you feel more confident).

But paying utility bills, buying food, and home repairs are serious expense items for which your man should be responsible. You, of course, can take part financially in such matters, but you are not obligated to do so. As a woman, you create comfort in the house, maintain order, and raise children. Your main responsibilities lie on the psychological and creative plane, and the man’s responsibilities lie on the financial plane.

If holes have formed in the family budget, due to which it is not possible to buy even normal food for the house, you should not grab your head in a panic, deny yourself the purchase of new underwear, take out money from your personal “stash” or get a second job. Give your husband the opportunity to solve the problem, be patient. There is no need to nag him or pretend to be a great martyr. The man himself will clearly see that the family is on a hunger strike. When he realizes that no one will solve the problem for him, he will make active attempts to correct the situation.

Of course, changes in a man's behavior will not happen too quickly. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes even months. Don't forget to praise your man when he makes efforts to improve the financial situation of his family. If you make only demands or even silent expectations, the man will stop trying.

And now the fly in the ointment. Unfortunately, there are situations when a man refuses to provide for his family for a long time, even when his wife shifts responsibility to him and conscientiously performs the role of a good housewife. A man may begin to be capricious, take offense, beg for money from parents and friends, sell off joint property, and eke out small earnings. This is a vivid example of an infantile and selfish person whose necessary adult qualities were killed in childhood and cannot be restored. For example, his mother was a strong and strong-willed person who carried her family on her shoulders and overprotected the boy.

Living with such a person is very difficult. Sometimes the best option is divorce. But if a man has qualities that you really value (kindness, sense of humor, attentiveness, sensitivity, tenderness), or for some reason you do not want to destroy your family, then create a separate budget. Let everyone pay for themselves. If a man blatantly refuses to pay 50% for an apartment or food, you can move away from him for a while to live with your parents or into rented housing. Finding himself in real life conditions, a man will be forced to pay at least for himself.

In conclusion, we will give some very important advice. Never sacrifice yourself to a man.

This question is debated in many families, where the man does not provide financial support and he lies on the couch with folded arms for days. And he doesn’t even lift a finger to change the existing pun in the family, thereby accepting the role of a decent family man who is able to earn money. In such families, the wife not only takes care of the household, but also, as a rule, works two or three jobs. Thus, completely forgetting about yourself. The situation, of course, is not at all easy, because not every woman can handle such a turn of events. Many simply lose heart, seeing no way out of this situation. And because of this, family life is shrouded in a veil of constant quarrels and scandals. Is this the lot of normal relationships? Live in the constant feeling that you are completely alone. Not feeling male support and thus spinning like a squirrel in a wheel, squeezing the last juice out of yourself, completely forgetting that you are a woman. At the same time, everyone falls asleep and wakes up with an obsessive problem about what to do if a man does not support his family? And how long can this continue?

In such an unusual situation, it is still worth talking to the man and trying to explain to him in every possible and impossible way his misunderstanding of family life and financial support for the family. Try to give as many examples from life as possible, for example, husbands of friends who do not sit at home, but earn money. Instill in him that he is the head of the family and a lot depends on him. That you are simply tired, both morally and physically, of all this and just want to change the situation, having felt his support and care. But this is not unimportant for a woman at any age. If he does not heed your pleas and requests to at least somehow change the situation, try to change something using psychological pressure directly on him. Change your attitude by completely ignoring him. After all, before that he was well-fed and clothed, had money directly earned by your labor and spent it on his needs. Stop all this - reduce its funding to a complete minimum. If he wants new clothes, beer or cigarettes, ask the question point-blank: “darling, did you earn it all?” Sent to the store for “sour cream and bread”, demanded a report on what was spent, confiscating, for everyone, all the change from the purchase made. Whatever one may say, this touches men and pushes them to think about their future existence. Show him not life, but real raspberries. Of course, it’s good if you don’t have children, otherwise the “black clouds of family failure” have thickened much more over your head. But, of course, if you also have a child and more than one, then God himself ordered to change your lazy husband. If there are no children, ask him the question: “What will we do if our family grows, how will we support the child and what will we live for?” There’s clearly no way for him to get away with this, and he won’t be able to avoid answering the question you posed.

If he is a complete homebody, not a sociable person and does not know how to establish contacts with people, do it all for him yourself. Look for a job for him, through advertisements, ask your friends and, as a result, bring him under his nose on a “plate with a pink border.” If he turns away from your proposal, no matter how rude it may sound and how difficult it may be for you, give him an ultimatum. After all, as you know, he who seeks always finds. Give him a certain time to look for a job, after which, inform him that you will take drastic measures and completely change everything. If he loves you and values his family at least a few percent, I think the result will not be long in coming. Just give it a nice, hard acceleration with immediate acceleration.

But you should be prepared for the fact that he simply refuses to compromise. And if you don’t want to see him in the role of a housewife, you will have to resort to extreme measures - this is breaking up your marriage. Because if a man is “deaf and blind” and does not understand the complexity of the situation at all, without even trying for a moment to understand you as a woman, words and further persuasion will simply not be appropriate here. You can sit and wait for a miracle for years without seeing the result in person. By the way, it is also possible that he will still budge, just so that you don’t nag him day after day and get a job somewhere for a short period of time. And after a while he will simply return to his original position (the sofa), arguing that this work is simply not to his liking and it does not allow him to reveal himself as a person. So here you have three initial results left to make. Continue to put pressure on him, thereby fraying your nerves and ruining your life. In the second case, put the entire household on his shoulders, including cooking. If he doesn’t know how, he has plenty of free time, buy a set of cookbooks and let him study. Look over time and you will be proud of his cooking skills.

And finally, in the latter case, just find another man. Why do you need someone like this - a lazy person and a couch potato. The husband should support the family, and not vice versa. And this is just the name “man” - and nothing more. Just answer the counter question: “Do you know who the gigolo is?” She answered, and now, as a conclusion for yourself, note that your beloved falls under this designation. Let this immediately give the correct answer to the second question: “What to do if a man does not support his family?!” You simply don’t have to put up with this and continue to fight like a fish against ice, trying to provide for your family and at the same time support your negligent husband.

First you need to find out the main reasons why men turn from breadwinners into domestic sloths.

Similar principles apply in family life. Many women, without noticing it themselves, pamper their companions too much and do not require them to perform important duties.

Why does a man refuse to provide for his family?

So, the following habits in a woman’s behavior can push a man away from earning money for his family:

She constantly saves on herself.
She strives to earn a lot of money on her own and demonstrate independence and strength to others (including her husband).
Hyper-responsible. She believes that if she cannot provide for her family, her husband will not replace her.
Too capricious and selfish.

In conclusion, we will give some very important advice. Never sacrifice yourself to a man.

www.goagetaway.com

what to do and whether to get a divorce

Why is this happening? Maybe she was in a hurry to get married? Or did she screw up somewhere?

When the problem is the man

The key word here is “hurried”. After all, a couple of years of living together without children wouldn’t hurt. The first two years are a time of grinding in characters, and they should not be in the bouquet and candy period, but in life together. At this time, you get to know a person, and there is no point in expecting him to change.

So what could you have missed in his character because of your haste?

Infantilism

The man did not succeed as an adult. Responsibility for him is something from the realm of fantasy. You need to take care of him yourself rather than calling him to some serious actions.

Mental infantilism has nothing to do with mental retardation. A man is not a fool, he perceives the world as it is, but he has no desire to work on himself and develop.

How can you recognize an infantile man:

He is unable to make independent decisions. He needs to be pushed literally with a poke in the back. Otherwise, all his ideas are childish nonsense.

He has no goals in life. Life goes with the flow - and that's okay. No interests, no aspirations, no inspiration for exploits.

He has dependent tendencies. He doesn't mind being henpecked as long as he isn't touched or forced to make decisions.

It's difficult to communicate with him. It’s impossible to talk about different topics or laugh at subtle witticisms. There is even a whole article on this topic: What to do if your boyfriend is stupid.

He is incapable of adaptation. It is difficult for him to change anything in his life, since it is real stress for him. He perceives changing jobs or moving as a disaster.

What to do with such an infant? In principle, this is not the worst option, because its main distinguishing feature is that it is a follower. In the article Should a man support his family, you will find out all the options for what can be done with him: does he have any abilities, is it possible to enlist the help of an influential person, where should he work, knowing his psychotype.

Laziness and selfishness

Besides:

He will not strain himself at physically difficult work, because this can undermine his precious health and fragile psyche.

He will not deal with children with the excuse: “You yourself wanted them, but I didn’t!” By the way, if this is true, then he will be right.

He will firmly differentiate the financial budget into “mine” and “common”. Moreover, the advantage will be on his side: the family can do without spiritual food, but he cannot.

When the woman is the problem

Yes, oddly enough, the wives themselves are sometimes to blame for the fact that the husband does not want to provide for the family. What are these reasons?

If she spoiled him

If she herself is selfish

And this problem most often exists in young families where there are not even children. She couldn’t marry a rich man, so she’s pissed off. By the way, this is playing with fire. If the husband decides to divorce the lady, then she will be left with nothing. They won’t let her get married again, and she will remember more than once what it means to “earn little” when she has nothing at all. Read about this in the article Should a man provide for a woman?

If the family no longer exists

Many women believe that even after a divorce, a stamp in a passport can mean something. Well, my husband didn’t file for divorce on time, he just left, and to another woman whom he provides for.

What to do if your husband doesn't want to work? | Family

Many women know that ideas about family life and married life are significantly different from each other. Everyday life and monotony often take away the sweetest and most pleasant impressions, leaving only problems, resentments and discontent on the surface. Many husbands promise “mountains of gold” to their chosen one before marriage, however, not everyone is able to keep their word and properly provide for their family. The failure of men is not always justified, since there are also husbands who stubbornly refuse to work, preferring computer games, a sofa and TV. Before reproaching a man for laziness and mediocrity, it is necessary to understand the reasons that led him to such consequences.

Since ancient times, men have been considered to be the breadwinner in the family, but at the same time, in modern society, the attitude towards these foundations and traditions has changed somewhat. Today, the fair half of humanity often has to combine two roles: breadwinner and homemaker. Problems arise in families that are caused by both the material component of the issue and the moral one. In order to somehow improve the situation, women have to use reproaches and reproaches to force men to work, pressing on the most painful places, which does not always give positive results.

Because of financial problems, women hurt their manhood, which leads to constant quarrels, conflicts and often a break in relationships. The whole family suffers from these scandals: children, women, and men, who are not always lazy. There are many examples of how, for several years in a row, an unemployed man happily helps his neighbor and regularly works at his summer cottage. Men's reluctance to work is often caused by the lack of a position that could satisfy not only a person's financial needs, but also spiritual ones.

Of course, many people understand that they need to work not only for pleasure, but mostly for financial profit. Often a man refuses a particular position because he subconsciously does not want to earn less than his wife. In this case, the problem can be resolved through a “heart-to-heart conversation.” You should start the conversation not with reproaches and complaints, but with words of gratitude, because another salary will significantly improve the family’s financial situation and allow you to solve some financial problems. It is important to support the man and explain that the family expects him not only to have money, but also to have a good mood and realize his own self.

With the help of sincere words and good intentions, you can persuade a man to get even a temporary job that will bring income to the family, with the condition that he will immediately take a new, desired position as soon as it appears. It might be worth helping with writing a resume; as we know, men don’t particularly like to practice writing, but a wife, like no one else, can advantageously emphasize all the advantages of her chosen one. The most important thing is to show the man that they believe in him and need his help.

If a man cannot decide on a place of work for a long time, it may be worth offering him the role of a “housewife”; this practice has its place in modern society, since men do not always manage to reach the top in career growth; often, a woman provides for the family. No matter how much you bring the main income to the house, it is important that raising children and household responsibilities do not oppress your spouse. It happens that many men gladly take on the duties that women have performed since ancient times. Such families are also happy and harmonious.

This practice has many advantages, the main ones are those that help a woman completely get rid of household problems and get down to work, and in the opposite case, they give a man an incentive and force him to go earn money, since not everyone agrees to cook soups, iron and clean up toys for small children every day children. Most often, representatives of the stronger half of humanity, having tried on a woman’s “skin,” find decent work in a short time.

A woman should think about it: if a man does not want to do household chores and does not take any action to bring money, perhaps he is not a worthy life partner, but is simply playing the role of a pet. It will be quite difficult to achieve goals and build a bright future with such a representative of the strong half of humanity. Laziness is a very dangerous “disease” and sooner or later it “eats” an unemployed person, turning him into an outcast from society.

Pastor Vasily Filat, I am in a difficult situation, one might say very difficult. I'm married and have two children. My husband seemed very nice and caring to us from the very beginning, but over time he stopped caring about the family. He deceives in many ways and is indifferent to what happens to us. Although he constantly says that he loves us and that we are dear to him. The problem is that it doesn’t work, it doesn’t earn anything from some combinations. I’m not working now because the child is small, but I’m going to go to work soon. I know that as a person who claims to be a good Christian, he must be patient, even if his neighbors offend him. I tried to endure everything, not to get angry, but I can’t do it anymore, it seems to me that my soul will explode. And in anger (when no one was near me) I call him bad words, I speak badly about him. And even if no one hears me, I know that it’s not good to do this. I don't know how to talk to him. I pray to God to convince him, but there are no results. Maybe some people will never change? Although I know that for God everything is possible. I think that now my children and I live only by the grace of God; He has never abandoned us in difficult situations. Brother Vasily, as a pastor, please give me advice on how to speak or how to act? I am very sorry that I married him, but I know that it is not good to think badly about marriage. I pray to God to forgive my sins and guide me on the path of righteousness.

I'm so sorry that you are in this situation right now. I advise you to do the following:

1. Don't get angry

As you yourself have already written and understood, anger does not help, but on the contrary, it only destroys and aggravates the situation in your family. In the book of Proverbs of Solomon it is written:

A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but a patient person calms strife. (Proverbs 15:18)

So, stop being angry and...

2. Don't swear

Avoid quarrels with your husband and do not talk to him in such a way that your conversation ends in a quarrel. This doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to him at all.

3. Make a plan and talk to your husband

Think carefully about every word. I especially advise you to start the conversation with gratitude towards him and be sure to tell him how good it was when you got married and he had a job and took care of the family. Let him tell you why this situation happened, what the reasons are, how he sees this situation and what you can do for him to help him.