How can we tell if we've broken up forever? What to do if I broke up with my boyfriend: advice from a psychologist. Lack of emotional support

What happens after a breakup

Before rushing into battle with emotions, it is important to study the enemy in person, so to speak. And information about the existing stages of experiencing the grief of loss (and a breakup, even if the person is alive, is also considered a loss, if only because your life will now be without his usual and valuable presence), will help you prepare mentally for what will happen to you .

Stages of experience

  1. Denial stage. Initially, I simply can’t believe what happened, and it seems that the gap is temporary, and later everything will work out, naturally and miraculously. May last up to two weeks. This is necessary so that a person can gradually prepare for the fact that everything is over, without causing mental problems in the future.
  2. Anger. A period when a lot of anger arises, and not necessarily at the former partner, even relatives and acquaintances can fall under the “hot hand”, who may be accused of not being happy with the relationship, being jealous and obstructing. But most often the culprit of all troubles is the man, especially if he was the initiator of the breakup, even passive (that is, he did everything to make life next to him unbearable, since he could not take responsibility for leaving).
  3. Compromise. After anger, when the tension subsides, an irresistible desire arises to change something in order to return it back to how it was. This means that a period called “Compromise” has arrived.
  4. Depression. “Compromise” is replaced by depression. Don't be afraid that you will lose interest in anything, if you allow yourself to be plunged into sadness in order to rethink what happened, you will move on to the final stage of recovery. It lasts longer than the others, and the more you ignore your condition or resist it, the deeper you will sink into it.
  5. Adaptation. New desires and interests begin to revive, a person gradually returns to life, beginning to feel its taste and delights. There is a feeling as if the hole that has formed inside is gradually beginning to be filled with something else. The individual learns to cope without the presence of a partner and build new relationships.

What are they needed for?

The main thing is to realize that each of these stages is very valuable, and you cannot skip them and ignore them, because thanks to them, the so-called recovery and healing of the soul occurs. Let your psyche do its work so that in the future you will again have the resources for new attempts to build healthy, harmonious relationships. Otherwise, you will have to go through each of them in a circle, again and again, without being able to free yourself.

A feeling of uncertainty can deprive a person of not only energy, but also the resources of the body as a whole. And this threatens insomnia, various chronic diseases, as well as prolonged depression. Therefore, clarity is extremely necessary so that you understand what to do, either try differently in order to save the relationship, or simply forget your partner forever.

If you are unable to choose, write a letter. Release accumulated experiences and thoughts. This is necessary in order to more rationally approach the question “What to do next?” Most women are overly emotional and sensitive, which sometimes forces them to make rash decisions.

So, after you “disconnect” from the problem a little, make a list in which you indicate the reasons why you should make an effort and still stay together, or, conversely, endure the pain, but at least look freely into the future. Don’t pay attention to the quantity; even if there are more points in some column, they will be more significant in another.

If you decide to stay with your loved one


You should:

1. Understand

Realize that a person can change only when she herself wants it. No threats, manipulations, encouragements, etc. will significantly affect her. Even if a psychologist works with her. Therefore, in order to alleviate further suffering for both yourself and the loved one whom you decided to return, you, first of all, should come to terms with his shortcomings. Then, in principle, the choice will be easier to make.

Ask yourself a question, for example: “Am I ready to put up with his addiction to alcohol?” And if you internally feel that it is not, then at least admit that you will have to go through a lot of troubles with him then, discarding the idea that you will be able to “re-educate” him, “cure” him, and so on.

2. Talk

Watch the wording carefully; you should talk about your feelings and not blame, then there is a high chance that he will hear you. For example, if you say, “I feel hurt, anxious, and irritated every time you go out with your friends without telling me.

I worry about you, you are dear to me, that’s why I react this way” will be perceived more loyally and without aggression than if: “You don’t worry about me at all, your friends are more important to you, you’re callous and insensitive!” And remain calm, otherwise he will only be convinced that he is better off without you. Be reasonable.

3. Work on yourself

As you understand, something was unbearable between you, since it came to a break. How can you get a man back without changing yourself, without changing your usual ways of treating him or behavior patterns?

Rethink what was too much and start working on yourself. At the very least, this will help in the future; personal development will not hurt anyone. And don’t step on the same rake; after analyzing your mistakes, you will have a chance for a healthier relationship.

If he doubts, do not put pressure or pursue, otherwise this will provoke him not to return to you, but, on the contrary, to run away to hell. After having a heart-to-heart talk, give him space, the opportunity to think everything over.

Look at these free courses, they will definitely be useful to you.

If you want to forget him


Necessary:

1. At first

Realize that the stages indicated at the beginning of the article are inevitable. Enlist the support of those close to you by briefly explaining what may be happening to you. And giving recommendations on how best to treat you during this period, and what to absolutely not allow. For example, taking away your phone when you take a large dose of alcohol, or not saying certain phrases, etc.

Just in case, study the article. This way you will be prepared and able to take care of yourself.

2. Take advantage of your experience

If this is not the first man you have dated, then refer to your experience, thinking about how you dealt with a similar situation before, what helped you, and what, on the contrary, aggravated the condition. General advice from others may be good, but you are an individual and only you can know what will help you.

If it's not easy to immediately remember past experiences, try closing your eyes and imagining a library. Look around, do you see books around? This library is your subconscious, in which knowledge, various life stories, and so on are structured like this.

Take a closer look at the titles and look for “How to get over a breakup with your loved one,” it will contain all the necessary material. After reading it, add some new discoveries, what you realized now, etc. This will help you later.

3. How long does it take?

The more you loved this man, or the longer you were with him, the more likely it would hurt. Usually the most difficult period lasts from a couple of weeks to three months. Prepare for this in advance, taking into account your own individual characteristics. Someone should take a vacation and lock themselves at home, listening to their favorite music and watching movies about love.

On the contrary, someone should be among people as often as possible, so you should go on a trip, or temporarily move in with a friend. Those who are able to escalate the situation, driving themselves further into depression with their own thoughts, are simply obliged to occupy their heads with work, training, and other things, the main thing is that there is no opportunity to think about what happened.

4. What else should I do?

  • If there is something left unsaid, be sure to say it. Only on condition - in complete solitude. Say out loud everything that comes to mind, free yourself from what has accumulated, so you will have space for something new. Therefore, taking care of safety, scream, stomp, swear, cry and hit the pillow.
  • Take care of your health. During this difficult period, the body will work in an enhanced mode, make it easier for it if you don’t want to fall into illness as a result. So, adopt a healthy lifestyle and start taking action.
  • Remember what used to give you pleasure, happiness, what made you moved or felt harmony? Even if it’s difficult to remember, be sure to try, you shouldn’t devalue your life without your loved one, you can be happy without him, it’s only important to discover with what help and at what moments.
  • Mentally go through your entire history with him, starting from the moment you met and ending with the last meeting. In addition to understanding what happened, some miscalculations and mistakes, you will be able to find answers to the questions that torment you about why this happened. And the most important thing is that the process of assimilation will begin to occur, that is, acceptance of the current circumstances; at the moments when insight occurs, the pain will recede.

“My girlfriend and I had disagreements, we started arguing. I decided that we should stop communicating for a while, I thought he would start to get bored and everything would get better. After some time, I tried to renew the relationship, but she didn’t want to. She said: “Let’s not date, and we shouldn’t be friends.
She lived with me, so some things remained, I gave them to her by courier and flowers with him. She thanked me and said that it was the end, but the flowers were beautiful. What do you think, should we leave everything as it is or try to return it?”

Should I return the girl or not?!

Our Love-911 service is contacted with similar questions every day. Situations, of course, are different for everyone, but we will consider those in which it did not come to cheating or any other betrayals, when the couple’s relationship reached a dead end, and they, wanting to resume everything, resorted to a temporary separation.

The fact is that many couples, breaking up for a while, understand only that they want to return love and their old relationships: they want a sea of ​​feelings again, a storm of delight, they want to admire and love each other, but they don’t know how to do this. And they listen only to the inner voice that tells them: “we need to separate for a while”.

In fact, the feeling that love is leaving is the first crisis in the relationship of lovers. Everyone faces it, but some cope with this crisis by experiencing it together, while others resort to temporary separation. This option is also not bad, but only when the couple behaves correctly, and this happens extremely rarely; more often such a separation leads to separation forever.

Why do you break up for a while, but it turns out forever?!

The point of temporary separation is not the goal of living separately and feeling longing for each other in order to get back together later.
The goal should be to calmly weigh everything "behind" And " against"and make the right decision.
And here it is important to be able to draw conclusions correctly. You need to realize that the path along which your relationship developed led you to a dead end, and you decided to break up temporarily.
And here you need to understand not whether you want to return the girl or the guy, but what conclusions you drew from this relationship, whether you want to change your behavior so that the relationship with your beloved begins to develop according to a different scenario.

It's like a train on rails that goes to its final destination, it can stop and go and stop and go again, but it will still arrive at its final destination. But if you correctly move the arrows on the train's tracks, then it can travel indefinitely.

A person develops and so does love, so at the beginning of a relationship beautiful eyes, smiles and speeches are enough, but gradually a person needs more and he needs “actions”, and you need to decide whether you want to do them for your beloved or not.


Give your rating

Psychologists say that there are at least seven of them! And even the most friendly and strong unions may be in danger of breaking. You can, of course, argue with your wife and persuade her not to make sudden movements, you can agree to this experiment, or you can make a row.

But you cannot say that troubles overtook your family suddenly. Like, yesterday everything was fine, but today - bam, and an incomprehensible crisis! No, that doesn't happen. It’s just that, apparently, for some reason you didn’t notice the problems that accumulated over quite a long time (or didn’t want to notice).

Let’s not take as a basis now the difficult case when your wife wants to live separately because she has someone else. Let's say that she simply thinks that you need to take a break from each other, test the strength of your feelings, or relieve the tension in your relationship. All these reasons have a right to exist. But how should you react to this proposal?

Do you want to hold it? Let go!

Does your wife want to separate for a while? Agree,” says my friend Marina, a practicing psychologist. - If you forbid it, negativity will appear in the relationship, which will be difficult to get rid of (many women cannot stand giving up on what they have already planned and seriously considered). And if they let you go, give the person peace, don’t text every hour, don’t call 10 times a day, don’t call him back the next day. Time corrects almost any situation. And your wife, having rested from you for a certain number of days (weeks), will definitely think: why did he let me go so easily? Is he really happy without me? And from these thoughts it’s very close to returning to your homeland.

If the separation, in your opinion, has dragged on, psychologists advise taking action. You can, of course, come for your wife, leave her things in travel bags and say, “Well, stop fooling around already!” put him in the car and bring him home. But this method of return is quite extreme, and most importantly, it does not provide a 100% guarantee of establishing harmonious relationships. It also does not guarantee that your spouse will not go on the run again after some time.

Act softer and more tactfully. Invite her to the theater, to a concert, or just for a walk - in the end, you have the right to have fun, but you consider it unacceptable to look for a partner on the side - after all, you have a spouse. And anyway, you continue to be interested in her life? Call to find out how she is doing (study, work). Offer her your help - for example, take her shopping, bring her some of the things she needs, buy some groceries. Offer financial assistance - after all, you are responsible for your family. If you have agreed to meet, treat it responsibly, like a first date. Remember what flowers she likes, what words she likes to hear, what clothes she prefers to see you in, what deodorant she especially likes. Well, of course, you should be clean shaven, ideally. A break from each other should be useful

Use forced separation not in order to accumulate grievances and complaints (oh, you left me, well, I’ll remember you!), but as an opportunity to analyze the situation in order to understand what mistakes were made. Please note - you need to think not about WHO is to blame, but about HOW to fix it. In general, physical distance sometimes greatly helps to bring people closer together - as they say, “face to face, you can’t see your face.”

The absence of a partner nearby as an irritant, will help you see what you didn’t see before, behind your emotions. It’s no secret that many men (especially if they financially support the family) behave with their spouses like eastern sultans - they dominate and rule, allow and prohibit, determine and decide. A woman is obliged, they believe, to serve them from start to finish - from the kitchen to the bedroom. And also should... and then follows a long list of what, in their opinion, their spouse is obliged to give them in exchange for material wealth. Unfortunately, the spouse rarely remembers feelings, tenderness, care (if at all) - all this is important BEFORE the wedding, and now lisp and be touched is simply stupid and funny. Naturally, dissatisfaction with the marriage will grow in the soul of such a gentleman’s wife - having reached a certain level, it will simply result in a thirst for freedom, at least for a while...

Another situation is no less common. The husband sincerely loves his wife, but... He is more interested in his work, friends, hobbies. Of course, it is convenient and pleasant that the wife provides comfort, takes care of the children and the house, and cooks delicious food. He is even proud that he got such a mistress. But, alas, he gradually begins to perceive his wife as something integral - like, where will she go from the submarine - familiar and... boring. Let's not take the extreme case - when the husband is looking for thrills on the side, no. But the woman still feels that she is perceived as some kind of convenient addition to the kitchen-bed. And he offers to separate for a while to shake up feelings.

Women will not be satisfied with a whining husband, a notorious weakling who needs to constantly “wipe his snot,” reassure, encourage, praise, and admire. In general, constantly jumping and jumping around with enthusiastic screams. A husband and child, even for a strong woman, is a burden that cannot be carried for long.

Of course, we haven’t forgotten that “it takes two to tango” - and your wife probably has something to think about when she’s away from you. And we hope that she is determined to save the family by correcting her mistakes and, possibly, her behavior. After all, love can change and correct everything - the main thing is that the feelings are sincere and mutual. And the desire to separate for a while never visited your family again.

Anna Nord. Parapsychologist and psychic. Student of Evgeniy Green. Subscribe to my newsletter and receive for free: 1) a talisman for men against love spells 2) a talisman for instant connection to the tarot with FULL energy restoration! 3) a talisman against smoking 4) a talisman for men against love spells! annanord75_e5f232a372a2f298e6e1.gr8.com/
Watch my webinars and learn to guess in 30 minutes! SCHOOL OF TAROT ONLINE
www.yourvismawebsite.com/magident-ab/lang-RU/videomaterialy-i-talismanykupit
Individual consultations via Skype and online training, webinars:
www.yourvismawebsite.com/magident-ab/lang-RU/individualnaya-konsultatsiya
What feelings does the mystery person have for you?
Online tarot forecast will change your future! Take advantage of the opportunities!
Tarot online will bring you luck, money and surprises!
What is TAROT? A deck of Tarot cards is one of the oldest magical artifacts that has survived to this day.
Tarot cards help you understand yourself and the secrets of the universe; they are used in meditation, and on a more practical level - for fortune telling. Tarot layouts help find answers to many questions, giving hints and pointing the way to solving a problem. Love and relationships, financial problems, getting a new job - online Tarot can answer many questions.
There are many different layouts for fortune telling using tarot cards.
The tarot reader and tarot school knows many layouts, but for most people it is enough to know a few layouts for beginners, convenient for getting answers to the most common questions:
how to choose the right path to solve a problem;
luck, how to solve the problem;
TAROT FORECAST for the future, near and distant;
CARD DIVINATION for love and relationships, money, profit, health
about how to resolve a difficult life situation (how to solve a problem), make a choice so to speak
how to find or change a job and so on.
Watch my videos and you will be able to understand feelings towards you, attitude towards you, emotions, love, whether to believe or not to believe your loved one, loves you or not, past, present and future in relationships. ONLINE DIVINATION on my channel gives excellent results because I use special techniques for working with tarot online (TAROT ONLINE) and the online forecast (ONLINE FORECAST) turns out to be correct and reliable!
The only thing you need to do is concentrate on the image of the person or partner for whom the alignment is being made. Mentally imagine - your loved one is here in front of you - the information will go correctly! You will find out whether he will call, write, love, how he treats you, his plans, past and future completely free of charge! Plans for the future and questions about the past - all are answered by TAROT (tarot) at the specified time (year, month, week or today).
The prediction is clear and correct. Online forecast or online fortune telling, or online alignment allows you to get clear and good results predicting the feelings of a guy or the feelings of a partner (PARTNER). Emotions and feelings, income and success - everything can be PREDICTED BY TAROT ONLINE. How a PERSON TREATS YOU, FORTITUDE FOR FEELINGS, FORTITUDE FOR RELATIONSHIPS - ONLINE TAROT SCHEDULE will answer your questions!
FEELINGS FOR YOU TODAY MYSTERY PERSON ONLINE - this is my daily column of online fortune-telling and online tarot layouts, when almost every day you can tell your fortune and get a tarot answer online for free: marriage, wedding, economics and finance online - everything you make and what is your wish you have - the tarot layout gives the answer to anything, for example, to clarify a relationship, to a loved one, to a person’s feelings or hidden information!
My channel also contains tarot training and a tarot school.
Tarot reading online can not only help you answer a number of these questions, but also change your future for the better!
Add me as a friend! Click on the bell!
vk.com/id469134205
www.youtube.com/channel/UC9CNppIRif4s8hYxggXvW0Q Photo: image from Pixabay, released under a Creative Commons CC0 license, permitted for free commercial and non-commercial use.

From an early age, many of us were instilled in our mothers and grandmothers with the idea that we shouldn’t drive away “unsightly” guys: they say, the ugly ones will hang around you, and then the good-looking ones will notice. Since then, we have often given the green light to a relationship with a person in whom we did not see a “prince on a white horse”: some did it in order to attract the attention of other men, and others simply in order not to be lonely . And it is not at all necessary that this guy be ugly and unsightly; sometimes our temporary chosen ones are both smart and beautiful. And they give flowers, and invite you on dates, and love, and spoil you. The cog responsible for romantic feelings just doesn’t click in the brain, and that’s all.

And in my soul there is emptiness, heaviness, a feeling of guilt. I want to break this vicious circle and break up with the man you don’t love. Or maybe there were some feelings at the very beginning, but they just melted away like spring snow. Too many things went wrong as you planned and your relationship turned into a routine. Over time, the realization came that it was not love, but only a dream about it. How to break up with a guy who looks at you with adoration, but whom you don’t want to see as your permanent life partner?

Understand why you're leaving

Before you put an end to your relationship, try to pinpoint for yourself the reason why you no longer want to be with this person. What has changed in your attitude towards him, why is he no longer interesting? After all, be that as it may, you once agreed to meet with him, which means he seemed worthy of your company. And if it wasn’t love in your heart, then deep sympathy was for sure. It is much easier to understand how to break up with a guy if you know exactly what you are not happy with in his attitude towards you. Sometimes men make mistakes that are completely invisible to them, but very important and significant for us. So what went wrong?

Lack of attention

No, we are not talking about flowers and gifts at all. Sometimes a man’s attention is not only romantic offerings, but also the usual ability to listen and understand the woman he loves. If he does not notice changes in you - both external and internal, if he brushes aside your thoughts and reasoning and does not take your comments seriously - it means that he is focused only on himself and does not accept you for who you really are. At the same time, he can be truly in love and happily fulfill all his “responsibilities” - inviting you on romantic dates, arranging surprises and giving gifts. This is very pleasant, but, unfortunately, not enough to be happy. Very often we lose interest in those men who cannot or do not want to listen to us, even if everything else is fine. After all, what kind of kinship of souls can we talk about if he doesn’t take your thoughts and feelings seriously?

Lack of emotional support

We women are very unique creatures, and not all men can understand this. We, like air, need the emotional support of a partner in all our affairs and endeavors. Otherwise, the relationship loses its meaning. He can tirelessly repeat about his crazy love, but ignore words about your problems and troubles. He doesn’t want to plunge into the whirlpool of your difficulties, because he is in such a pleasant state of love, when life is seen only in white tones and he doesn’t want to overshadow it with solving pressing problems. And then the woman begins to feel herself in a double position: on the one hand, she sees that the man loves her, on the other hand, she does not feel his emotional support at all. Although, it would seem, these two things cannot exist without each other. Either this man, although in love, is too self-centered, or he has not yet come out of childhood, when all problems were solved somehow by themselves and did not require his direct participation. In both cases, over time, women’s desire to break up with him grows stronger.

Lack of ambition

Nowadays, such a concept as “ambition” has long lost its negative meaning. Now, ambition is, first of all, the desire to move forward, without stopping at the results already achieved. And, of course, what do we expect from our men? Constant achievements - be it in career advancement, or in spiritual, creative development. An ambitious woman will never tolerate a man next to her who is content with little. She simply won’t understand a guy who, after graduating from college, will happily spend years of his life in an office with a very modest salary and not strive for promotion (why would he do this, it’s calmer this way?!).

And let men complain that modern women care more about the size of their wallet than their rich inner world, we dare not agree with this. It's not about money, or rather, not only about it. A woman wants to see a strong and purposeful man next to her, otherwise most of the worries and burdens of family life will fall on her shoulders. “With a darling there is heaven in a hut, if a darling is an attaché” is a worthy continuation of the old proverb. You can continue to listen to accusations of your commercialism, but you can also set your priorities. Yes, we agree, we agree to marry a lieutenant: if only he aspires at least a little to become a general. Well, or at least a captain. If a man is completely devoid of ambition, then many of us see this as either infantilism or laziness. And the thought begins to spin in my head: how to break up with a guy who doesn’t want to move forward?

Dictator's habits

All of us, women, want to be loved, to feel a strong male shoulder next to us, reliability and protection. Sometimes you want to feel like a weak woman and shift some of your worries to the one who loves and supports you. Sometimes, for a brief moment, you can and should give yourself over to the power of a loving man, if this power is just a desire to help and protect. But sometimes a man’s desire to lead and dictate goes beyond all boundaries: from a good adviser and reliable assistant, he suddenly turns into a real dictator.

His instructions should not be disputed; he always knows better what you need: whether it is the choice of clothing or the choice of specialty. He has an answer to everything and you must obey him unquestioningly (of course, he loves you and wants only the best). Listening to his morals day and night, being afraid to miss a step - this is the typical fate of a girl whose partner behaves like a dictator. You can live with this, shaking with fear, making your own decisions, or you can fight the manifestation of tyranny on the part of a man.

Dear girls, if even before the ringing of wedding bells you recognized dictatorial habits in a man, then run from him without looking back. Breaking up is the best way to avoid problems in the future, otherwise you will spend many more days and nights in tears and self-flagellation. Unless you belong to the category of women who love to submit and completely dissolve in another person, then you will have a hard time! If during the candy-bouquet period he managed to show you “who’s boss,” then what will happen after you start living under the same roof?

How to break up with a guy

When a relationship has reached a dead end, you want to quickly put an end to it and start a new life, without this person. Despite all his love, you don’t feel happy next to him, and therefore you want to break off the relationship that’s weighing you down. Seeing his loving eyes every day and not feeling reciprocity is not an easy test. How to painlessly break up with a guy who loves you? First of all, you need to stop feeling sorry for him. After all, pity is not love, right? In addition, this feeling will be offensive to your boyfriend: pity is the last thing men count on when building relationships with women. Since you realized that this person is not for you, then you need to free yourself as soon as possible, otherwise you risk missing out on your true happiness! This means you need to gather your willpower and start acting.

Choose a place to talk

You should not tell your boyfriend about the breakup over the phone or through the computer. Have the courage to tell him about your decision face to face. Of course, it's much harder, but the person who loves you deserves you to tell him everything straight. After all, if you don’t have the courage to have a frank conversation, then your SMS message or email will not be taken seriously: the young man will still seek a meeting with you in order to find out everything. Even if not today, but in a few days he will still insist on his own and you will have to talk to him personally. So why delay the inevitable?

It’s better to talk once and dot all the i’s at once than to painfully go through successive meetings with demands to explain everything. How many painful days, how many new meetings will it take for him to understand that you will not back down? Therefore, discard even the thought of communicating with him in absentia.

Be careful when choosing the place where the explanation with your boyfriend will take place. You should not do this where you were once happy together: it will look like a mockery. How to break up with a guy if you are talking in the very apartment where you indulged in passion for many days and nights? You can go crazy - there are the same things all around, the same furniture, but you no longer belong to each other. But he still loves you, and talking about a breakup in a place that is meaningful to both of you will be much more painful for him.

And your sober head will have a hard time, because we girls are quite romantic creatures, and even when we part, we are ready to shed tears of melancholy and repentance. But this is just not worth doing. As soon as he sees your tear-filled eyes, he will immediately decide that he is still dear to you and your conversation about breaking up is nothing more than a way to teach him a lesson for some sins. Is this the goal you are pursuing when talking about separation?

How to have a conversation

So, the decisive moment has come: you have met and it’s time to say the hard words. How to behave? Should you gently and kindly tell him that you are not right for each other, or can you be tough and unapologetic throughout the conversation? First, you will need all the strength and confidence you can muster. You can prepare a couple of phrases in advance like “I thought for a long time and decided,” but most likely, during a real conversation, all the preparations will fly out of your head. It’s one thing to rehearse while sitting in the bathroom, another thing to tell him about it, looking straight into his eyes. Breaking this shocking news to the person who loves you is not easy.

Surely your boyfriend will demand an explanation, and, in essence, he will be right. But you shouldn’t tell him that he constantly looks at Lyuska from the next door, or that he doesn’t appreciate your rich inner world. Such details will drive you into a corner, because the guy will probably swear that he will improve, that he loves, that he will change his behavior and earn forgiveness. What the hell, you will follow his lead - you will give in and agree to “try again.” Just don’t forget that such a step will only prolong both your and his agony, the relationship will end anyway, but you will only have time to wear down each other’s nerves. If you initially count on his prayers and repentance, then it’s better to completely forget about your intention to break up. Figure out how to solve your problems in a different, more humane way.

It’s best to stand your ground and repeat the same thing: they say, you’re breaking up only because you don’t love him anymore. Feelings have cooled down, you don’t want to deceive him - that’s all. If you say this firmly, he will understand that your decision is irrevocable. And no matter how hard it is for both of you, he will accept your decision to leave. And if at the end of the conversation you suddenly pitifully say that you want to remain friends, this will be another mistake. It is impossible for a guy and a girl who decide to break off their relationship to remain friends - at least until his feelings cool down. Then, when you both calm down and stop perceiving each other “with heart and flesh,” you can already become friends. Until this happens, it will be real torture for your boyfriend to maintain a relationship with you that is not based on love, but on ordinary friendship. He will not stop trying to win your affection again, and you will not stop trying to move away from him again.

If during a conversation he suddenly starts shouting, swearing and accusing you of all mortal sins, do not answer him with mutual insults, be above it. He may be craving your negative reaction, wanting to piss you off and start a conversation according to his rules. Just be silent and listen, give his anger and confusion a chance to spill out. And after that, turn away and leave. All. The point has been made. You are no longer together.

What not to do after a breakup

It would seem that everything is behind us - but even after a breakup you can make a lot of mistakes. First of all, do not answer his calls and messages on a social network - by doing this you will give him the opportunity to hope for the continuation of the relationship. No matter how many days, weeks he sends you reverent messages, just ignore them, that’s all. “She died, that’s how she died”…. No, not you, but love and hope for a renewed relationship. No matter how much your heart hurts, no matter how frightening the thought of his suicide is (yes, many guys, without hesitation, blackmail their girlfriends who left them with this), do not follow his lead. You have made a difficult decision for yourself, so be consistent and do not change it.

Another serious mistake of girls who break up with a guy is the petty love of talking bad things about him behind his back. Only a few days have passed since your separation, and are you already ready to notify the world about what was said and done only for you? How sweet it is sometimes to chat with friends and tell them all the ins and outs about your ex-boyfriend - all his secrets and unpleasant facts of behavior. You were the first to leave him, and he is still depressed - so is it worth stooping to denigrating him in the eyes of others?

Believe me, you will not earn any advantages for yourself either in his eyes or in the eyes of your friends. They will listen to you carefully, sympathize with you, and perhaps retell the gossip to someone else. But a completely unflattering opinion will be formed about you, as a person who cannot be trusted. No matter how much he annoys you, beware of talking nasty things behind his back - it can end badly.


Well, one last thing: when you leave, leave. Having launched such a complex campaign to break up with a young man, causing so much pain to both yourself and him, you should not try to bring the guy back. I broke up - be so kind as to close this page of your life. You can’t mend broken happiness, and you beat him thoroughly only because you were sure that happiness was not yours. People don't break up just like that, without a good reason. And whatever the “root of evil” in your situation, it is far from a fact that everything will not happen again. Don't step into the same river twice - our ancestors, who came up with this saying, were not fools. It’s better to spread your wings, feel freedom and lightness and go in search of new happiness - this time real.