I don’t even know where to start, probably from the beginning!
My husband and I lived in a rented apartment right after the wedding, I was expecting a child, so we decided that we needed our own place. His mother lives in the same city, and she has two apartments, one left from her mother, she lives in one, and rents out the other.
My husband looked after my grandmother to the last, his brother did not even appear there, and he (my husband) washed her, fed her and cleaned up after her himself, she was insane, his mother practically did not visit her. Before her death, my grandmother verbally bequeathed the apartment to him.
When we decided that we needed our own place, we were already running out of time, he went to my mother to ask for an apartment, at least just to live there for a while, she refused him, said she needed money and she would continue to rent it out. My husband didn’t tell me anything about this, I probably just wouldn’t have let him in, since she was initially against me, our marriage and our baby!
We took out a mortgage and bought a two-room apartment, thank God of course!
Well, now the tenants have moved out of this apartment, leaving it in such a deplorable state that it’s terrible!!! My mother-in-law immediately offered this apartment to her youngest son, that is, my husband’s brother and his wife! They were also currently living in a rented apartment! So he agreed, and now they are renovating it!
This is where I can say that my mental mood began!
My mother-in-law says in plain text that my husband must do repairs there, you see Vova (his brother) works and he cannot do it himself, he gets tired and everything in this regard! But my husband doesn’t seem to work and doesn’t have a family of his own!!!
And she also tells him if he didn’t come after his work and didn’t do anything there!!! and he didn’t pick her up from work, didn’t take the queen home!
Last night I went with my husband to this apartment, to see what was there and how it was, and to take a walk. In short, we went into the apartment, and there what my husband did, and that’s it, everything came to a standstill!!! The brother doesn’t want to do anything himself, the wife doesn’t touch anything at all! Why does my husband have to go and do repairs to them?!!! Or maybe I don’t understand something, of course I’m in favor of helping relatives, but this is no good!!!
I'm pregnant, I sit at home all day long, waiting for my husband to return from work so I can go for a walk, I'm already afraid to go out alone, my legs give out, and my husband, returning from work, says that he needs to help his brother, because my mother is nervous, she runs away without even eating, comes accordingly late and there are no walks!!! My mother swears that I don’t walk much, don’t spend much time outdoors and it will be difficult for me to give birth!!!
So why should he work there for them to the detriment of his family!!! And while our son was with us, sometimes he simply didn’t see his dad! Now, before giving birth, I gave my son to my mother in the village!
And only then recently did my husband tell me that he was very offended by his mother, “when we had nowhere to live, I asked her, but she refused me, but she offered it to my brother!”
Well, yesterday I couldn’t stand it in that damn apartment, and said that he was laying tiles there, since he started, and that’s where his help for them ends, I won’t let him go anywhere else, he even seemed to agree!
Now I’m thinking about how to tell this to my mother-in-law, because she’s on her own strange wavelength!!! How can I explain to my husband that they are using him without being offended by me!!!
I apologize that it’s so much, it’s chaotic, but thanks to everyone who finished reading, I really don’t even have anyone to talk to!!!
Tell your friends about this article. Because 9 out of 10 women make this fatal mistake. A mistake costs . As they say, start with yourself and pass on bright thoughts to those around you.
As we remember from my earlier articles, the man is not a psychic. That is why it is necessary to convey to a man your thoughts, desires, and requests.
But what if yours? He has strengths and weaknesses. And that's okay.
For example, my things are always scattered, my desk is always a mess. Where he undressed, that’s where the clothes lie. This is my weak point.
How can I properly reprimand? Because I suspect you're tired of jumping over my shoes on the way to the toilet at night.
For a long time now you have been asking me to take off my shoes not in the middle of the corridor, but I automatically do the same regularly.
Can you imagine, I even heard a terrible story from a woman about her husband who pulled his socks over the arms of the rocking chair like condoms. The man is an adult, and he was not kidding. He just had such a “weak side.”
How to reprimand a man, how to correct something in him that “doesn’t fit in any way,” how to make sure that your Knight hears you and doesn’t pretend to be.
What did your mother do in such cases?
What do your girlfriends do in such cases?
What is shown in films and TV series on this topic?
I dare to suspect that you are behaving close to the answers above. And if I’m wrong, feel free to write it in the comments under the article right now!
- Method Classic (Fashionable)
How many times do I have to tell you, don’t let your socks fall...
I'm tired of you not hearing me...
Why do you need to be reminded ten times of the same thing...
Sound familiar? Or Very familiar?
Never! Never! This method will never work. But why is it used by 98% of the Russian-speaking female population? Out of habit. Because everyone does it.
The method not only doesn't work. He burns out your relationship with a man.
What's the result? The woman turns into a saw. Who gets what she wants from a man every seven times. And happiness... Where is happiness?
- The Real Woman Method
There is a legend that girls who have this technique are the happiest, and their men are strong and successful. Be sure to check this out and then tell me how true it is.
You make a childishly sad face (not stern, not capricious), so that the man cannot help but ask: “What happened, dear?”
The woman answers in a soft, even voice: “Well, honey, I’m angry with myself... I’ve been asking you to take the carpet to the dry cleaner for two weeks now, and you’re busy with me. You still can’t fulfill the request. So I’m angry with myself that I don’t feel good with the dirty carpet in my apartment.”
The man now understands that the cost of an unfulfilled request/obligation is equal to the misfortune of his woman. And unlike the “Fashionable” method, a woman’s behavior does not cause a state of rivalry.
On the contrary, it shows its weakness, thereby causing in a man an instinctive state of strength, a desire to protect and care for a woman.
Eh! As I write, a tear comes out. Honestly. It's so simple. I don’t even dream that this will be taught at school or in universities.
So thank you for reading my humble . And see you in the next articles.
Don't forget to write your thoughts in the comments below, it will be appreciated.
Read the top materials on my blog:
Hello.
I want to divorce my husband, but I don’t know how to present this to him so that he will let him go. And I don’t want to offend him, he’s still a good person.
We have lost interest in each other and don't spend any time together at all. I’m always guilty of something: I looked in the wrong direction, I hung the towel in the wrong place, etc. He himself goes for walks with friends almost every day, he doesn’t let me go anywhere, he doesn’t want to go anywhere with me. It feels like we've been in a hateful marriage for 30 years.
But the question may arise, why am I still with him since everything is so bad?) Because not everything is so bad. He is a good person, visionary, ambitious, caring. He treats me with kindness. I always believed that love is when, in your eyes, a person’s merits overshadow his shortcomings. In relation to him, at first it was like that. But not now.
I understand that in absolutely every aspect I would be better off without him. And in moral, and in physical, and in housing, and in financial. But I know that he won’t let go. And I don’t know how to convey this information to him. I tried to discuss it with him several times, to which he tearfully promised me that he would change. But empty words.
Already once after the conflict I tried to leave, but he did not let go. I understood the whole essence of the quote: “it’s hard to leave a person who doesn’t want it.”
How can I convey the idea of divorce to him?
If he doesn’t consider this option at all.
Tatyana, Ukraine, Kharkov, 25 years old
Family psychologist's answer:
Hello Tatiana.
You are not a small child or a suitcase. You can get up, walk out the door and file for divorce. And you will be scammed. No one can hold you or let you go except yourself. So stop shifting responsibility to your husband and take it upon yourself. It's you who don't leave. Why? What will leaving you without mutual consent deprive you of? What happens if you leave despite your spouse's clear reluctance to divorce? What do you have to lose? Are you ready to pay this price? Then go ahead! No? Stay, but don't pretend that your husband is holding you back. You do it yourself.
Sincerely, Babievskaya Elena Kirillovna.
How often do you hear from your friends that they are not valued or heard by their husbands? “I carry the whole house on myself, cook, wash, clean, but he won’t lift a finger, and he litters and throws things around!” And how often do you yourself get annoyed that your man doesn’t hear you at all and doesn’t fulfill your requests? If so, then this article will be useful to you. In it you will find a working tool that allows you to convey to a man what you want.
How to communicate with a man so that he understands and hears
The whole problem is that you simply don’t give him the information correctly, and your communication turns out like in a silent movie - you don’t hear each other at all! You want to convey to him that you are tired, that it’s hard for you and you need his support and care. He, for the most part, hears something completely different - that he is a loser and a rag, that you are unlucky with him, that he is a slob and that you would be better off without him. And in the end, you go to another room and cry there, and he, slamming the door, leaves in search of a place that is comfortable for him, where no one bothers him. He can simply go to the garage or pub, cool off and return, or he can go to another woman and not return at all.
Absolutely every such quarrel is a big blow to the cup of your love and it is unknown how many more such blows she can endure!
Today I want to tell you how to communicate with a man so that he hears you. How to ask a man so that he fulfills your requests. How to “re-educate” him while maintaining love and harmony in the couple. I will describe to you two approaches that will help you make a man hear you.
How to communicate with a man: two steps to understanding
These two tools that I will give you work one hundred percent. Take them into service and test them for yourself at the first opportunity.
The first step is “Pause”.
At that very moment when you unbearably want to tell him everything that you think about him and throw some evil or malicious phrase at him, or, even worse, instructive (a man does not accept it when a woman teaches him, and he will definitely wants to refute it!), stop! Literally for a couple of seconds. And imagine that you have a huge sledgehammer in your hands, with which you are now going to hit your cup of love, breaking it into pieces.
Of course, if you want to destroy yours, then swing and hit the bowl with this sledgehammer, and perhaps this blow will be the last and the bowl will shatter into small pieces. Break it to pieces!
But, if you don't want to end the relationship, stop. As soon as an evil phrase wants to roll off your tongue, immediately remember the sledgehammer and pause.
Second step “Contrast shower”.
In order for a man to hear what you want to tell him, you should not say hurtful words to him and insult him. You just have to tell him how you FEEL. But only in the correct sequence, using, so to speak, the carrot and stick method.
1. Pause(2-3 seconds).
3. Your feelings. Tell him how you felt when he acted rudely (in your opinion). For example, a man walked in dirty shoes on a cleanly washed floor. Tell him: “I am so offended and hurt that you do not appreciate my work. I tried so hard, vacuuming and washing the floor, and you walk on it in dirty shoes.” Basically, tell him exactly how you feel. But no insults! Talk about yourself, about your feelings, and not about what a “bastard” and “goat” he is and something worse.
4. Briefing . Tell him specifically what he should do (or not do). For example: “Can you not walk around the apartment in shoes?” or “Can you do this when you shave, take off your socks, eat (and so on)?” Tell him specifically what you want from him!
5. Praise again. For example: “I love you very much and appreciate what you do for me. Every minute I am glad that I have you!”
I think you get the point. Start with praise and end with it! When you start with praise, be sure that the man will hear you right away! When you end with praise, there is no heavy aftertaste left and the mood is not spoiled. In between, talk about how you feel and what you want from him. First your feelings, then absolute specifics. A man does not understand hints and halftones and does not like to play guessing games. He understands simple, concrete things!
As a result, you will not waste a lot of your nerves, you will preserve your cup of love and the comfort and harmony in your relationship.
