A guy walks with a girl and suddenly another one appears on the horizon. And so he follows the stranger with his gaze, causing rage in his companion. Is this a familiar story? How many scandals between guys and girls, and especially in young married couples, are caused by the strange habit of men looking at other people’s women. Why does a man look at other girls? Is this really dangerous for relationships and how should HIS girlfriend behave in this situation?
Why does a man look at other women, even if he is his own?
Why does this happen: a girl or woman seems beautiful and smart, but a man still constantly notices her on the street, in a store or at a party of other girls. And who? Vulgar liberated girls, on whom there is “no place to put a brand,” or, on the contrary, nondescript “gray mice - no face, no skin”! “I could have twisted his head off!” - 99% of young women are indignant, seeing the constant incomprehensible interest of men in looking at other people's legs, butts and blouses.
Of course, all girls want their boyfriend or husband to look only at them, but this seems to be a completely unattainable dream.
Why is a man designed in such a way that he needs to constantly look at women?
Indeed, the male body is designed in such a way that any normal healthy man pays attention to any woman who radiates feminine charm. Simply put, from the point of view of biology, a man looks at everyone in whom he senses a female. If a man does not notice women around him, then this can only indicate deviations in his physiology. And this is not at all an insult to representatives of any minorities, but is justified by evolutionary features, which are discussed below.
Over many years of evolution of the human species, the main purpose of a man was to continue the race. That is, to fertilize females and take care of the safety and nutrition of the offspring. Only when some kind of civilization began to take shape in human society did certain “moral norms” begin to be imposed on gender relations. Before this, everything was simple: a man, in his free time from hunting and fighting for territory, had to catch and fertilize as many females as possible. Women had to give birth more often. A man was exposed to greater danger as a warrior and hunter. Wild animals, people from a hostile tribe, less hardy organism compared to women. And in general - high mortality and a small human population of the then earth.
There were not so many women, but there was a demand for them. Biological instincts suggested that it was not appropriate for relatives from the tribe to mate. Therefore, the man had to notice the woman in time, preferably from a foreign tribe.
In general, observation is the main trait of a successful man - a warrior and hunter. If you didn’t notice the enemy or game in time, you remained hungry or completely dead. It’s the same with “deficit” women: if you don’t notice, someone else will notice and multiply themselves.
In such conditions, the male brain was formed over hundreds of thousands of years. Why does a man today behave like a “hunter of women”? Because in the short 5-7 thousand years of civilization, men did not have time to rebuild. Women are no longer in short supply, and some even have to be run from. But the “hardwired into the subconscious” habit of looking out for a potential partner among people remains. Moreover, most men do this subconsciously, not at all for any lustful reasons. No hysterics of women, no denunciations of feminists and moralists work here. Nature is nature.
Is everything really so sad and girls are doomed to male infidelity? But no! If your man is a civilized person with strong moral principles, then you probably shouldn’t worry and freak out. If not, well, it’s your own fault—after all, you chose it.
What do psychologists advise? To what extent can watching a strange girl in a miniskirt threaten your relationship?
When should you not worry?
Even when you notice that your boyfriend or husband likes to look at other women, you should not worry if:
- If your man looks at you with no less “lustful” gaze than at your imaginary rivals, you feel his desire for you, and even more if this is accompanied by some actions of an intimate nature towards you: he seeks to hug you, press, kiss, touch...
- Your sex life is satisfying for both of you. Your chosen one does not ignore you, is good in bed, and tries to please you. What could be more proof that you are the best for him?
- Your boyfriend or husband is not shy, but on the contrary, he strives to be with you in society, introduces you to friends and work colleagues, and is not bothered to go to the cinema, theater, or go to a restaurant with you. This is clear evidence that he is pleased with you in every sense. Why should a man change you for someone else if he is satisfied with everything about you? This is not in men's logic.
When should a man's indecent behavior be taken seriously?
Here are signs when your relationship may be at risk:
- Your man doesn’t just look at other people’s women, but tries to flirt with them: he casts eloquent glances, winks, tries to hug, makes unambiguous compliments that clearly go beyond the scope of ordinary politeness.
- You regularly hear that your boyfriend or spouse was seen in the company of another woman and it was clearly not for work.
- A man does not look at you with a gaze full of desire and admiration.
- Your husband never takes you with him to parties, corporate events and generally tries to be with you in public as little as possible, finding the most ridiculous excuses for this. Of course, the reason for this may be your own behavior, so we recommend that you think first: could they be embarrassed about you because of your jealousy and scandalousness?
- Your sex life is much worse than before.
I want a man to look only at me with admiration!
What do psychologists advise in order to return the fire to a relationship and distract a man from “wrong” thoughts when he sees other people’s bare female legs.
How NOT to behave:
- No need for hysterics. The stupidest thing you can do when you notice your man's gaze on someone else's butt is to throw a tantrum and then nag him about it for a long time, asking why the man does this to you. He himself doesn’t know. And you know: the more forbidden the fruit is, the sweeter it is. Become bright so that other people's men will look at you (just don't even think about flirting!) and your chosen one will not have time to look at other people's butts - they wouldn't take theirs away!
- You are not a detective or a statistician! You don’t need to constantly watch your man’s gaze and write down in a little black book how many girls he glanced at. Do not worry! No amount of negativity or nerves will make you more attractive. On the contrary, try to find something pleasant in every little thing connected with your man. If he feels that your happiness is connected with him, then all other girls will become of little interest to him.
How to behave:
- Don't do anything if you are completely confident in yourself.
- Calmly let the man know that this behavior bothers you. Just first give yourself an account of what exactly is bothering you? Perhaps just selfishness?
- Discuss your fears and your dissatisfaction with your man. Why don't you want him to look at other girls?
- Try to wonder what is attractive about this or that girl he has his eyes on? Discuss with him the appearance or clothing of the girl he meets, as a male friend might do. And you don’t have to force him every time to say that you are still better. If you're not a fool, you'll think of adding it yourself. In addition to the fact that this conversation will add trust to you on his part, it may also be useful to you: what if you decide to change yourself in some way? A person should periodically make radical changes in himself.
- Take the initiative. Ask the guy yourself how he likes this or that girl you meet, just don’t talk about them in a derogatory tone—it’s better to praise them, on the contrary. Then he himself argues with you and says that her legs are not so beautiful. And don't do it too often: it will arouse suspicion that you are taking revenge.
- Out of revenge, you should also not demonstratively look at the men around you and admire their beauty, suit or car.
- Give your man the opportunity to look at you from afar and from new angles. Men quickly stop noticing what is familiar and close to them. Make a date with your boyfriend or husband in unfamiliar places and show up wearing a new miniskirt or a new hairstyle. Let him look out for you in the crowd and pay attention to your appearance.
- Also, at any events where you come with your man, leave him with friends, and find something to do for yourself a little away. Let him watch you from a distance.
- Critically evaluate your appearance and your interests. Many women make a mistake: as soon as the registry office door slams behind them, they stop caring about their appearance, do not expand their horizons, and do not have any interests in life (of course, interests should not overshadow the man himself). And what kind of man enjoys living with a boring and uninteresting scumbag? One will endure, and the other will not be so hardy. Take care of yourself, develop yourself!
- Try to be sincerely interested in his interests. Get involved in building a summer house together, go fishing with him overnight, go to football or to the gym. There are no better or stronger couples who, in addition to the stamp in their passport and children, are also united by common interests.
Based on materials from the sites: http://likuniya.ru and http://shkolazhizni.ru (author Vitaly Pichugin)
Anitata
My husband looks at other women. The thing is, I'm the problem. As soon as I catch his eye on others, I am very rivery, I am not very pleased. It all ends in quarrels and even scandals. Help me, I want to change something, but I don't know how...
Anitata
I'm 20, my husband is 22. We've been married for a year. There were no changes at all. The only thing is that about a year and a half ago, my husband (at that time he was just my boyfriend) started communicating with a girl and hid it from me. When I noticed that he was hiding something, he still didn’t tell the truth, and only a while later he told everything.
Anitata
Almost at the beginning of our relationship. He is very sociable with the opposite sex, he could give a girl a compliment. I made it clear that I was not pleased. Now he is staring and trying to hide it from me. But the thing is that it blows my mind when he just listens to the girl and looks at her. I don’t know what to do anymore. I'm afraid that maybe she seems better to him than me, and what if he leaves me, what if he cheats on me, what if he's lying...
Anitata
I will lose the person I love, who means a lot to me. Yes, and it will be very disappointing, after all, we’ve been together for almost 4 years
Anitata
No, but it will probably be hard for me without him. I’m also afraid that he will cheat, and I won’t know it.
He recently told me that he only needs me, and only likes me. But he really likes the female body. And so he looks. I can’t come to terms with the fact that I feel ugly and unattractive when he looks at others.
I understand that, in principle, it’s okay if we break up, but if we don’t break up, then living and watching him look out for beautiful figures, etc. is very sad and unpleasant
It’s a shame to watch him glance “to the left” or not take his eyes off someone. I understand that I need to change something IN MYSELF and my attitude, but I don’t know how...
Anitata
Yes. He said that he wants to do what is convenient for him. He said that he simply doesn’t stare, he only looks at the girl when talking, but it’s clear that he is STARING. I told him more than once that I was not pleased, to the point of tears, but he doesn’t care at all
When I don’t say anything to him about this, then everything is fine, he seems to treat me normally, but when I do, we quarrel...
You understand that you can only convey your request to the other person, and whether to fulfill it or not is his decision.
Perhaps your feelings are that you feel that he is capable of cheating on you
Perhaps these experiences grow out of your lack of self-confidence.
How do you rate yourself?
Anitata
Probably not very much. I could be much better, and he wants me to change a little externally for the better. Moreover, the fact that he looks at others makes me understand that I am not super, far from super..
Anitata
Monitors, but not to such a level that there are cubes). Yes, I know that I need to work on my appearance. But my question remains open. I don't know what to do.
We accidentally saw our husband on a dating site! Stop panicking! There is an explanation for everything!
All men who are privy to the possibilities of the Internet have heard about the existence of dating sites, but everyone has a different attitude towards this accessible way to meet people. We have already written about what is found on such sites, today we will talk about something else - what to do if your beloved husband spends his free time on a dating site, how to react to such behavior, whether it is considered cheating and what harmless at first behavior can lead to look game.
Virtual betrayal - a step to the left or a harmless online game
When women learn that their husband is visiting a dating site, they panic! Indeed, such betrayal causes pain, which may be no less than from real betrayal. Can virtual betrayal be considered real or is it a game?
For those who see betrayal solely in physical intimacy, identifying the presence of a spouse on the site is painless. Sometimes women laugh together at a new entertainment and do not attach any importance to what happened.
If for you, betrayal involves emotional communication, be prepared to experience stress, but do not panic ahead of time. Men end up on online dating sites for a variety of reasons, and most of these reasons can be neutralized!
Why married men meet on the Internet
Of course, like any question, it is impossible to answer this one unambiguously, so we will try to divide the representatives of the stronger sex into groups.
Random visitor
A man accidentally clicked on a photo of a pretty girl and ended up on the site. Having nothing else to do, he decided to look at a few more photos and was faced with the need to register. This procedure is simple, so within a minute he became a full-fledged user of the virtual planet of brides. He liked the non-binding conversations, and began to while away boring evenings in this way.
Is it dangerous? Unfortunately, there is considerable risk in such communication. Abandoned and not listened to by their own wives, married men on dating sites can find an outlet in a random interlocutor, and there it is not far from virtual betrayal and the desire to meet.
Solution: do not leave a man unattended, become his friend so that he does not look for girlfriends on the side.
Fighting complexes
A man whose life has not gone well always feels worthless deep down. Of course, he wants admiration, respect, gratitude, and basic praise. But you don’t want to praise your spouse, even if he doesn’t lie on the couch all day, but works all day.
You are always missing something, but other people’s husbands seem better, more successful, richer, more attentive and caring. A complex husband goes in search of someone in whose eyes he will be a hero.
What is the danger? Communication with admiring women, even if they admire imaginary merits, greatly increases self-esteem and reduces the importance of your spouse.
Solution: find the strength to praise your husband, even if it seems to you that he is not worthy of praise. Get rid of the habit of nagging your significant other and he will no longer need outside support.
Crack in the relationship
Often a husband is on a dating site due to real problems with his wife. This could be jealousy, resentment, quarrels, cooling of relationships. In this case, the fact that the husband is present on the virtual platform for brides indicates that subconsciously he is already ready for a divorce and has begun to look for a worthy replacement for you.
Most often, such searches last a long time, and communication with a woman stops immediately after the need for a real meeting arises, but sometimes events develop rapidly and the spouse quickly decides on a real date with all the ensuing consequences and actual betrayal.
How dangerous is this? Unfortunately, it is very dangerous, since women are now active and are the first to make a date.
What to do if you are not going to get a divorce? First of all, find the cause of the conflict, admit your guilt or forgive your loved one if he is guilty. Get closer, spend more time together, start caring.
Check yourself, perhaps you have an erroneous opinion about your own fidelity. Often it is the suspicion of infidelity that pushes men to adventure.
No place to spend time
Unfortunately, more and more often married guys surf the Internet out of idleness. For them, a dating site is a game in which there is no need to learn complex rules. Such men get in touch at work or at home, when the wife is preparing dinner, taking care of the children, doing laundry, or sleeping, tired from household chores.
What can happen? A man can get carried away and forget about his family responsibilities if suddenly on his way he meets an intelligent, understanding, pleasant girl, different from both the general mass and his usual wife. In such cases, a husband’s virtual infidelity may well develop into a real one!
What to do? Deprive your loved one of free time! Let him do his homework with the child, go to the store, and do household chores. Organize renovations in the bathroom or general cleaning on the balcony, let him remember why men are given hands!
You can also find him a more interesting hobby on the same computer, such as photo editing or creating videos. In the end, let him earn money by writing comments on forums and pay for the Internet with this money!
Habit of making acquaintances
If you found your loved one on the Internet, then do not be surprised that your husband is communicating on a dating site. Most men, unfortunately, do not stop at one woman and soon return to the usual atmosphere of light flirting and non-binding communication. But it is possible that he will be drawn to real dates again, especially since he already has experience, and the rest will follow!
Why is it dangerous? All this suggests that the guy never stopped and made a final choice. If the relationship is still completely new, he can leave, but if it’s established, he can change it.
What to do? Try to remain the best, but do not humiliate yourself and do not track down the history of your loved one’s visits. Try to occupy his time as described above, but do not try to forcefully lock your spouse within four walls - he will still run away.
Trying to hold on and remember that there is a limit to everything! It may be time for you to take a critical look at the relationship and also start looking for a worthy replacement for your unfaithful spouse in all seriousness, but keeping your intentions secret until the right moment.
Go to places where there are serious single guys, explore and read about how. If it’s hard for you, an article about how to treat a guy right can help. And remember - you are the best, and the one who neglected you is not worth suffering!
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57 comments
We lived with my husband for 26 years. He drinks, he left home a week ago, since I’m not good for you, I’ll even live in a hotel. He proposed a divorce and filed for divorce. When we meet, it turns out that he lives with a woman who met on a dating site. I appeal to reason, come to my senses, he tells me that I’m good, I’ll quickly find myself. Offers me to register on a dating site. The children are already adults, in shock... They have gone through so much and experienced so much together. Somewhere I wanted to leave, but I endured it, I thought it would disappear. Now the world has somehow collapsed.
As a husband, I have one wish for my wife. I want my wife to take a lover or two, but not secretly, as is usually done. We have been married for 18 years. How do you feel about this?
Unhappy women, I sympathize with everyone and I can’t imagine how you can not respect yourself at all, living with a husband who is a liar and a traitor in fact. And psychological advice is good - think about yourself, communicate, praise, find something interesting for yourself... A living person cannot detach himself from a situation that hurts his feelings, so such advice gives little. For some reason, none of those who published comments and their stories are concerned about such an important point that when moving on to personal meetings with ladies from sites, the husband can simply bring infection to the family.
Hello!!! I have a similar situation, I met my husband on a dating site, he’s 54, I’m 55, got married, been married for 5 months and all these 5 months he’s been on this dating site. As soon as I start talking about it, he deletes the profile, but then it starts everything again and he’s really ready to cheat on me. He only sits on the site at work and thinks that I don’t know about his correspondence. I’m still silent and don’t know how to behave in this situation, I’m afraid to explode and do something stupid. Although everything is fine at home, he treats me wonderfully. One problem is the website. Tell me what to do and how best to proceed. I have no desire to break up, but I also can’t stand it.
I also have a problem with my husband, but it all started with my first pregnancy, when doctors banned sex. After giving birth, the situation only worsened. If at that time I had one child, and not twins, I would most likely have decided on a divorce. I had no one, and even now there is no one who could help me with the children except my husband.
I can honestly tell you - you exist, and do not live with this person. In my situation, my husband is a doctor and recently started earning very well... naturally, he became a doctor not without my help! If I ever let him go, it will be on my terms. He often shouts that he wants a divorce... the money has appeared... only he doesn’t have a clue what he has and what he will lose when he pays alimony to me and three children.
Who knows, maybe by the age of 50 I myself will want to divorce him.
My advice to you: kick your husband in the face! Not only does he earn pennies, but he also sings to you that he is impotent! At your age, you are still a goyim, this is necessary for your own health!
Find something younger for your soul. And if you have children, they will always understand and help you. Children are always closer to their mother. Live for your pleasure, get yourself in order, lose weight, take care of yourself.
At 50, you can start your life all over again.
If I didn't have children with my husband, I would run away from him myself.A similar thing happened to me too, my husband and I lived together for 13 years, everything was wonderful, due to circumstances I had to move to another city, my husband began to go on business trips, but I was calm, he always criticized friends who go out. I recently found him in the phone that he was sitting in FriendVokrug, what I saw there plunged me into great shock, a lot of correspondence, he sang to everyone that his wife betrayed him and he got divorced, declarations of love, he made an appointment with one, later I didn’t find it in on social networks, she said that it was just a scam, we went out with a friend at their expense (he was with a friend while on a regular business trip), and he had been registered there for 2 years already... it hurts me very much, because if that person agreed, then it would be physical betrayal would have happened, or maybe he not only met with her, I don’t know, there is no trust. He proves that he has not met anyone, that he is a friend, but I saw in the correspondence that it was he who wrote, all the stories from his life, photos him, his phone number... I don’t know what to do, everything seems to be fine with us, and he loves me, and from business trips he always wrote that he missed him, asked for my photos, always took care of him, supported him, “his head doesn’t hurt at night,” I’m trying don’t talk more about this topic, he still denies everything, but it’s very painful
Hello. I also encountered this. My husband and I met on a dating site more than 3 years ago. He then forced me to leave everything and said that he had deleted everything. But he deceived and sat talking and getting to know each other all this time. I caught him by guessing the password to the mail out of curiosity and read and saw a lot there. I cried for a long time. I decided to talk. In response, he refused that it was not him, but someone for him, supposedly a friend. He deleted everything in front of me. But he has a lot of free time. I sit and think constantly. Whether he communicates again or not. I don’t know what to do. I'm going crazy.
Yes, you can’t do anything, attention, praise, on the contrary, will inspire him!!! Even if he crashes!!! I myself was in such a nightmare, 19 years older than me, gave birth to four children, cooked, looked after, eventually ran into correspondence, where he wrote that he was free a bird in flight! psychology will not help here! a kick in the ass and hi if he wants freedom!!!
Good afternoon, girls! Yesterday, something bad happened to me... I ended the relationship. I met him in FriendVokrug, we dated for 6 months. As it turned out, they were very similar, the relationship was philosophically twisted, because two unusual people in life. And somehow I decided to take a look his photo through Yandex and that I saw 8 dating site, where this photo was highlighted. I naturally said, why does he need them now, if there is me, so that we don’t have it, we need to solve everything and go in the same direction, be honest with each other to a friend and maintain purity in relationships. To which he said that he himself was only for such relationships, and these sites were all a hundred years ago, but some of them had recent visits... In general, he got angry in the end, said that I was controlling him, and I take out old underwear from the past. I hushed everything up, and continued to meet. The other day I saw him visit the site again, created a page and you know, he wrote to me... I didn’t continue further, sent him a scan and called him a liar and a traitor. He called and began to make excuses that it was just communication, that everything was not sweet with us and that he could find peace there, that there were no meetings or betrayals... But I decided to definitely break it off if he has such quirks and in case of troubles, run to websites , well, it says a lot, and that I’m not that dear to him, he’s looking at others. But I kind of need a stable relationship, with a worthy man in whom I can be confident... Having read the previous comments and I think that they’re not all Enough, poor unfortunate boys who do not appreciate what they have, jump from one to another.
I do not know what to do? I met my husband on a dating site. Everything was good and wonderful. But then I saw my husband sitting on more than one dating site and meeting girls. I see how he began to treat me differently. I understand perfectly well that the girls on the site are prettier and more elegant. It’s not like I’m pregnant and about to give birth. I’ve already tried to go out and talk to him like sensible and more realistic people. But he avoids answering. One day he himself let it slip that he had met a girl from Ukraine, she had a child and she wanted to meet him and start living. I just walked around freaking out and didn’t know what to do and what to do next? But literally some time passed and he, as if nothing had happened, came up to me and said, “I don’t need anyone, I have you and that’s enough for me!” But he still corresponded with her and still corresponds. As he sat on dating sites, he still sits. He takes the phone and goes into another room, or the toilet, or the kitchen, but no, he lies on the sofa, like watching TV. I can hear SMS notifications coming to him. I say, my beloved is writing, answer. This infuriates and hurts him. He answers that there is no one and no one writes to him, these are just links from the site that downloads to the phone. And like, no one needs him and stop being jealous without reason, since he didn’t cheat on me. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong about something? But I don’t want to lose him, I need him and that is love. Maybe we shouldn’t cut everything from the shoulder and at once?
Vera, as you can see, you are not alone in this matter... Almost every fifth husband is looking for entertainment on dating sites. Unfortunately, it is impossible to give advice from a distance, we can only support you morally... If you really feel bad, contact a good psychologist in your city. He will help you find the right answer and teach you to look at the situation from the right angle.
And I have such a situation. I have a girlfriend, everything is fine with her, but a few days ago I came across a dating site on the Internet and out of boredom I registered and sat there for a couple of days. I didn’t even upload any photos or anything like that, I just looked at what kind of girls were sitting there, chatted “how are you? and so on."
After these couple of days I realized that I didn’t need it, that I had my beloved, and left there.
But now my conscience somehow torments me that I even wandered there.
I can’t tell my girlfriend about this, she’s very jealous and won’t understand. I don’t know how to get rid of the feeling of guilt.Hello. I have been together with my husband for 17 years. A lot has happened between us. We went through a lot together. I recently discovered that my husband registered on several dating sites. At first I was calm, let me frolic. Then he asked me to restore his mailbox on the browser, and letters about registration on dating sites caught my eye. I followed the link, at first reading his correspondence I laughed until I came across his revelations. It turns out that he is my widower, my son and I died in a car accident. Very unpleasant sensations. An unpleasant conversation took place. I swore that this would not happen again. I decided to check it out myself and registered on this site under someone else’s photo. My dear husband soon showed up with a new profile, offered to introduce me and meet. But the funniest thing is that he is again a harmless widower and again mourns me, his son and the car. The question arises: how long will he bury me? She hasn't told him anything yet.
Hello. We have been together for 6 years. We met on a dating site. As soon as we argue, my husband begins to meet other girls. He makes dates. The last correspondence was the last straw. He agreed to meet and rent an apartment, it’s clear why. It turned out he was scammed and blackmailed with money , he didn’t pay and the correspondence was sent to me. He swears to his mother and dick that he never physically cheated, he only corresponded. To raise his self-esteem, etc. But the latest correspondence shows that he was ready to rent an apartment and sleep with the first person he met, he just left bummer. I love him (I know he’s a fool), we have a 5-year-old daughter. She said, I can’t stand it anymore and I want to get a divorce. Naturally, he doesn’t want to, he’s all white and fluffy. I left him temporarily, suggested a pause in the relationship. But I know perfectly well that everything will happen again and the worst thing is that I want to believe him that nothing happened to anyone. How to live on, I cry every day, I can’t drown out the pain. I work at home, I can’t switch to anything. I know that I need to forget and take care of yourself, get carried away with something. It doesn’t work out in any way. I’m tearing my soul out myself.. How can I cut him off? I love him and I can’t, I know that I’ll blame him for this all my life... and this won’t be life anymore.
I, too, recently noticed my husband’s correspondence on a dating site. He refused to show it to me and immediately closed everything. I couldn’t stand it and ran to pack my things. He held me, didn’t let me out of the house, but couldn’t really explain anything “out of interest,” from “boredom” is all I heard. Today is the second day, but I feel only lousier, especially since he fell for this a year ago - he swore that he would delete everything, but now it’s all over again.. There’s nowhere to go, but to live together I don’t want to: I don’t believe him and that it will end, maybe there’s nothing serious there, but it seems to me that if a person is looking, then someday he will find... what do you recommend?
Hello. I met my husband on the Odnoklassniki website, we’ve been together for three years - everything was fine all the time, but recently I accidentally saw that he was registered on a space dating website, and was reading all sorts of comments on porn pictures, when I told him about it, he replied, that he just downloads music there and doesn’t meet anyone... and I don’t believe him anymore, what would you advise me?
Hello Everyone!!! A familiar situation, I was burned for life. I lived in marriage with my husband for 15 years, not counting the time of meetings before the wedding. I felt how our relationship began to cool down. My husband began to stay late from work and became colder towards me , began to hide his phone. In general, his behavior has changed a lot... I don’t know what to do. It's scary to think that the matter could end in divorce.
I also have a similar problem, I have been married for 20 years, we have two children. We lived well for about two years, the marriage was for love, against the will of the parents. I always worked, providing everything that was missing, but I also took care of myself, with intimacy, too, everything was fine. I will say more, I did everything to keep him from having connections on the side.
But it’s been about three years since he completely lost interest in me. Last year I accidentally read a text message from his employee, I’m not 100% sure, but I was tormented by doubt for a year. When I asked him, he made a huge scandal and didn’t confess. Then there were love poems several more times, sometimes on paper, sometimes on the phone, but he still denied everything. Recently I saw that he was constantly on x dating sites and porn.
HE doesn’t let anyone near his phone, he started to let his hands go. Declares that if I don’t want
No one can tolerate it, they say he has the right. I would like to save my family, but I no longer have the strength to live in such humiliation. Please advise me what to do, it hurts me a lot.My husband is constantly dating, we constantly quarrel with him because of this, I’m sitting at home on maternity leave with the child, when he was at home he could come in and chat while I, for example, went somewhere on business! And now he’s sitting at work registering and communicates!!! I do not know what to do!
I don’t know what to do... My husband not only gets acquainted, but also actually meets “ladies” from dating sites. both when I was pregnant and after the birth of the child. I don’t remember how many times I’ve forgiven you. Only in the spring there was a scandal almost to the point of divorce. and then I found his correspondence again. But I thought that I had come to my senses... I don’t want to get a divorce, but I don’t know how to live like this either...
Exactly - it is necessary to talk, I know from myself that such situations most often arise from simple curiosity in the first place, and a feeling of uncertainty in the second. These are the basic ones, but they can become overgrown with additional husks, so communicate and everything will be OK!
For the time being, such a hobby is not scary; we all need an outlet. But as soon as signs of infatuation appear, you immediately need to discourage your husband from such communication. In general, it is better to engage your husband as much as possible in real matters with his family.
I had such a situation once, I was sitting waiting for him in the hairdresser and went online from his tablet. Well, I accidentally came across an “attempt”. I immediately gave him his tablet, ran out myself, walked around for 15 minutes, cooled down, then we talked, he was shaking all over with fear. He admitted that he was angry with me for the recent quarrel. In general, we talked in detail and found out everything, now we laugh at this situation_) So talk)
It is imperative to find out the reason for this behavior. If a man simply spends time online and has fun in this way, then there is no need to sound the alarm.
My husband and I met on a dating site. We've been together for almost 8 years. And all these 8 years I have come across his correspondence from the Internet with girls. At first there were scandals and breakups, but now there are none. I came to the conclusion that every person should live his life the way he wants. And no one has the right to prohibit him from doing this. Children's complexes and the desire to assert themselves are definitely to blame.
My boyfriend's computer shooting games really annoy me. How a girl without wisdom thought that she couldn’t come up with anything worse. Oh, no - thanks for the material, now I’m not nervous, it’s better to shoot than to hang around quietly during dating!
Hello, my wife caught me on a site where I corresponded with women. I registered on this site after a very serious quarrel. We didn’t talk then and I registered. I communicated there and only there, sometimes I made appointments several times and canceled them at the last moment, because I love my wife and cannot cheat on her and lose her. And now after she caught me there, she doesn’t talk to me at all and wants me to leave. I do not know what to do. It’s my fault, but I just wanted some kind of communication that was absent with my wife, and intimacy with her was always cold. How can I convince her? There was nothing on the site other than communication.
I really need your help. I’m 28 years old, my husband is 44. When we walk down the street, he stares at other women very much. I’m a beautiful girl myself and I’m very upset that he does this. I told him 2 times, he He denied everything, and he began to look even more. I’m jealous. My sister says that he just wants to make him jealous and she can see it. I’m very worried. Why does he look at others
Hello, Victoria. Perhaps your sister is right, and your husband really wants to make you jealous. It is also a way to attract your attention. When a man has enough attention, he does not need to attract it in such ways. You are a beautiful girl, but is your husband interested in being with you? What topics do you talk about while walking? Do you talk to him about anything other than domestic and everyday issues? Do you know what your husband's hobbies are? Can you be an interesting conversationalist for him?
Captivated by a conversation with you on topics that are interesting to HIM, he will stop looking at other girls, and he will see and recognize you from the other side.
Good luck to you. Best regards, Margarita.
Good answer 0 Bad answer 1Hello, Victoria! So he stepped on your “callus”! Maybe yours too?! Answer yourself honestly, where does your insecurity manifest itself? Or, what are you afraid of? He has studied you enough or is doing it unconsciously, but it is certain that this touches you and throws you off balance... You told him, but did not talk about your offense. Just tell him that ".. I'm offended when a loved one looks at other women in my presence" - and that’s it, nothing more, and you don’t need to demand vows from him that he will never do that. The main thing for you is not to ignore yourself and your feelings, but how he will become to behave is already his responsibility! Further, since it bothers you, then it’s important for you to deal with it... Why is this suddenly? Maybe it happened before, only then you didn’t pay attention to it?! Maybe it’s time reconsider your behavior and attitude, first of all, towards your beloved?! This needs to be dealt with, and better in person with a psychologist. And yet, there is an assumption that if a couple has the same values, tastes in food and lifestyle, or, say, showing respect for interests of the other, while remaining true to themselves, then this couple will live happily ever after! All the best to you! Sincerely, Lyudmila K.
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Hello, Victoria!
You are 28 years old and it can be very offensive when your husband looks at others.
If you were at my consultation, many questions would immediately arise - how offensive is it?
Is it possible to live with this?
how to live with this?
What can be done for you in such a situation?
and many others.
In such situation?
Help you with what?
get rid of resentment?
or so that he does not look at others?
I got a lot more questions than you.
Which ones to answer?
Yours G. Idrisov.
Good answer 1 Bad answer 1Hello, Victoria! You also need to be able to receive the aesthetic pleasure of beauty) Your husband looks at others, but he lives with you and you are dear to him, and not those who pass by you when you are walking. Jealousy is of course a sign of self-doubt. Try to talk to your husband, talk, and not tell him. If he makes you feel this way, what is behind it? Why is he doing this? The best way is to clarify the situation and ask him yourself. We, psychologists, can guess what is connected. Sincerely, Olesya.
Good answer 1 Bad answer 1 
Hello, Victoria! To all of the above I would like to add the following. Men and women are different. Sometimes a woman concludes that a man values her less, based on the fact that he looks at other women. However, this is a sign of a man’s psychological health. It is NORMAL for men to pay attention to other women, it is part of their nature. This does not in any way diminish YOUR value. Often, women view people and themselves in relation to them from the point of view of better/worse, but there is also another view - “all people are different and I am different, no worse and no better, just DIFFERENT.” Value yourself as a unique individual! All the best. Best regards, Aigul
Good answer 3 Bad answer 1 
Hello, Victoria!
It seems to me that Vash looks at other women because he has a need for it. Exactly what it is is unclear; he himself may not be aware of it. But since he does it, it means he definitely needs it. Perhaps this need does not threaten your marriage and your self-esteem. In order to calm down, you need to understand what this need is, and he should voice this to you himself in a confidential conversation. It’s definitely not useful to come up with ideas for him here. But before you start this conversation, check yourself to see if you are ready to hear his frank answer, because it can be anything. Perhaps it would be better to leave everything as it is. In any case, it is up to you to decide and you also bear responsibility for the consequences. All the best, Elena.
Bad answer 2Every woman dreams that her beloved man will look only at her, and not shoot his eyes left and right in search of pretty girls.
It’s a shame when a spouse walking next to you eagerly looks at a beauty walking towards you, or a husband who came with his wife to a party begins to flirt with other ladies. It's time to figure out why this happens and how to behave in such situations.
Why do men like to look at women?
The desire to admire female beauty is deeply embedded in the mind of a man by nature itself. Once upon a time, their ancestors did not know what love and loyalty were; they tended to hunt for representatives of the opposite sex. The ability to feel and desire one single lady came later, but the hunter's instinct remained.
Psychologists say: if a man looks at other women, it means he is healthy. Interest in other women is an indicator of normal levels of male hormones.
If a woman is worried about this, then most likely she suffers from low self-esteem and an increased feeling of jealousy. It turns out that it is not your husband who needs to be treated, but you.
Analyze your behavior. Have you ever admired a handsome athlete, actor or TV presenter? Don't you really admire superbly built guys with a charming smile and an attractive look on the streets? However, you return to your beloved husband and do not think about those who had the fate of being only a short episode.
Don’t even think that you are somehow worse than other women! It is impossible that you have never caught the gaze of men walking next to beautiful ladies. All men tend to admire girls, only some do it openly, while others do it secretly, for fear of causing indignation or a scene of jealousy.
How to behave if you notice that a man’s attention is drawn to another woman?
First of all, it is necessary to eliminate panic and do your best to restrain yourself from open indignation and discontent. Think soberly: a man admires not just one woman in particular, but female beauty in general. You don’t get jealous watching your loved one admire the splendor of flowers, the perfection of sculptures or beautiful paintings. It would hardly occur to you to be upset if you notice your spouse’s interest in a famous singer or actress.
Do not be afraid of potential rivals and do not try to close the eyes of your beloved man with dissatisfaction and grievances. Learn to admire female beauty with him, and then he will not furtively glance at women passing by. From time to time, draw your spouse’s attention to beautiful girls, tell him: “Look, what a pretty girl,” and soon you yourself will understand that these glances are nothing more than a second’s attention. Within a moment, the men do not remember who passed by them. They can’t even answer the question: did the blonde or brunette spark immediate interest?
For a man in love, the sweet face and perfect figure of another woman is a beautiful picture to look at. The birth of feelings is difficult to explain, but it has long been known that they appear not only for dazzling beauties. If you constantly nag your husband about his “indecent” behavior and force him to compare himself with another lady, even the most ardent love can fade away.
What should you do if your husband starts paying attention to another lady in company?
In this situation, it is also extremely important to restrain emotions and not pour a mixture of boiling jealousy and wounding fragments of resentment on your spouse’s head. The other extreme - actively winning the attention of other men - may also not bring the expected result - such a woman looks ridiculous, but from the outside it is not difficult to guess what exactly made her change her behavior.
Correct tactics - natural behavior. Knowing the characteristics of your beloved man, try to get ahead of his actions. Immediately start communicating with friends, chat with acquaintances, dance and have fun. If you notice that your loved one spends too much time next to one woman, approach him with a smile on your face, kiss him on the cheek, and ask if he has lost you.
How to tell a man about your worries?
All women are different, if you are very sensitive to men's views on the side, then you will have to tell your lover about it. It is best to do this not at the moment when the spouse’s attention is absorbed by the beauty of another passerby, but in a calm atmosphere. Of course, for confession it is better to choose a moment when the man is not busy watching a movie or a football match.
Try telling your husband: “Darling, I love you so much that I go crazy and get very upset when you look at other women in front of me. I know that I am alone with you, and they are just passing passers-by. But could you, walking next to me, look only at me?! " You can approach it a little differently and start the conversation like this: “Darling, I have one big request for you.” And then also ask your spouse not to look at the surrounding ladies.
If it is difficult to start such a conversation, then you can use other tactics. While walking down the street, pay your husband’s attention to how another man walking next to a woman looks at the girls passing by. Tell your companion: “He goes with one lady, but looks at everyone with a hungry look.” It is possible that the spouse will understand this hint and think about his actions.
Most men do not even suspect that their beloved women are tormenting themselves with doubts and suffering about this. Having heard such requests from their wives, they begin to comprehend the situation and control their behavior.
