This article is a continuation of the article "How to return a loved one? And whether it is necessary to return it." Therefore, before reading it, I recommend reading the first part.

In total, we continue the conversation about how to return a man.

Third. What is the probability that the man will return?

To simplify it completely, we can say the following. There is something that draws a man to you. And there is something that repels. (Otherwise he would not have left, right?). Therefore, the more you can find attractive and less repulsive, the easier it will be to return a man.

What attracts a man to a woman? It attracts love, emotions, shared experiences, your sexuality, self-confidence, etc. Accordingly, the conclusion is simple, the more of these emotions are left, or the more virtues you have, the higher, ceteris paribus, the likelihood that the man will return.

How to determine whether a man has such emotions towards you or not? If a man tried to save your relationship before leaving, argued a lot, maybe even shouted, did something (it doesn’t matter in this case correctly or not), was clearly worried about the breakup, and now he is trying to prove something to you, then there are forces that attract a man to you.

If the break in relations proceeded sluggishly, the man did not even try to prove anything, argue, did not slam the doors and did not worry, then there were obviously few attracting forces left. Accordingly, in this case, the likelihood of a man returning to you decreases. This usually happens when a woman could not change herself (and a man, of course, too) at the time when it needed to be done. And then there were the same conflicts, possibly repeating according to the same scenario for several months and years, without any hope of resolution.

After that, the man and woman no longer believe that something can be changed, they are tired and the energy of love, mediocrely spent on proving their case, instead of real changes, left the relationship.

Now about what repels a man from a woman and what to do about it?

Here Here and lies the most secret secret of a happy relationship and the answer to the question “how to return a man”, so to speak, and not at all in strengthening love feelings (although this is important, of course). You need to focus not on increasing love feelings, but on reducing the negative qualities that push a man out of your relationship. No matter what you do, in any case, love feelings (let's call them hormones) inevitably weaken over time. It is difficult to control and strengthen them, and, importantly, you can strengthen them twice, but no more.

The qualities repulsive to men can be reduced hundreds of times, often with relatively little effort. Back to the topic of the article, if you can reduce the qualities that push men, he will most likely return.

What are push qualities?

In your case, of course, I don't know the specifics. But if the man left, then the woman kicked him out with some of her actions. This is an axiom.

If a man has not met a woman only for Don Juan motives, then he will never leave a woman just like that. So she kicked him out.

The conclusion from this axiom is very simple. If you remove from the behavior of a woman what drives a man, then the man will return. (I assume, of course, that there are at least minimal forces left that attract a man to a woman).

Now once again about the chances of the return of the man. As you probably already understood, the chances are higher, the stronger the attraction of a man to you and the more you can remove from your behavior that which repels a man from you. Time is just as important. There is an optimal return period - it is from 10 days to 2 months. If a man has not returned for more than 2-3 months, then the chances are already insignificant, and it is no longer worth counting on his return. (Though there are exceptions, of course.)

Fourth. Technique for the return of a man.

If a man left, after which he went somewhere to Australia and no longer writes to you and does not show himself in any way, then here, of course, it is hardly possible to do something. However, this is more of an exception than the rule. So now actually about how to get it back?

For the most part, after 2-3 weeks, and for some protracted conflicts even after a month or two, the man will somehow meet with you, learn from your acquaintances about you, or somehow show himself.

If you have changed, that is, at least learned a little to attract men to you and removed the repulsive behavior, if you are ready for him to return just like that (I wrote about this in the first part), and if you are still free, then he is almost certain will return, sometimes even if he went to another woman. (Maybe you don't need it in this case, but that's another question).

In fact, everything is very simple. Implementation is also not very difficult. What to change in yourself? I think you know more about this than I do, but here's a little question for thought.

Why have you been constantly “training” (pressing) a man lately, but he still hasn’t changed? This is one of the most important questions. If you can accept a man in this matter as he is, with some of his shortcomings, then this is a huge step forward. What could it be?

- Bad habits, (smoking, etc.)

— selfishness,

— slovenliness,

- Inability to listen and support.

You may ask that I have to put up with the laziness and selfishness of my man? No, I am not proposing this in a strategic sense, that is, in the long term. But a woman criticizes a man (as often and vice versa) not at all in order for him to improve, but in order to feel his importance, or by implementing her children's programs and complexes. After all, you won’t seriously prove to me that a woman wants to correct a man, criticizing him for 10-20 years in a row, and most importantly, seeing that this absolutely does not work?

Of course not. It's not about wanting to fix things.

If you want to fix it, then fix it. Take one quality, find an effective technique, help him train, do not demand quick results, take some return to the old calmly, encourage the efforts of a man, etc. But don't criticize.

But first you need to remove the program in yourself that provokes the return of a man to the old. After all, it is a woman who often subconsciously does not allow a man to change. (For example, it is no secret that the wives of alcoholics, despite the often great efforts that they make to cure their husband, then in every possible way unconsciously provoke him to break loose). You can read about parental programs and the method of how to correct men's negative habits in the book by Anastasia Guy "How to make a man get off the couch 2. Secrets of happy women".

- The second thing you can do. Think that your man constantly asked, especially before leaving, but you considered it unimportant and did not.

For example, he whined that you do not delve into his affairs, that you do not know how to praise him, that you do not appreciate this and that, that you cut your hair short, but he likes long hair, that you do not say that you love him that you don't meet him when he comes home. Maybe he wanted you to stop criticizing him for every little thing. (And 95% of what happens in our lives, because of which a man and a woman criticize each other, are, by and large, trifles.)

If you think that you already laid down your life for the sake of a man, you work for him as a servant, then, of course, you urgently need to develop self-confidence and remove the role of “mother” in yourself. How to do this is also described in detail in the book by Anastasia Guy "How to make a man get off the couch 2. Secrets of happy women."

Of course, you have your own list. Take a couple of the most important points and remove them from your behavior.

— Third thing to do. Don't hope too much that the man will return.

It is, firstly, true that a man may not return, despite any of your behavior.

Secondly, the hope of returning only worsens the chances of this very return of a man. The ideal ratio is "it's good if it comes back, but if not, then no."

Even if you do everything absolutely right, this only increases the likelihood of his return several times, but is not a guarantee of a return relationship.

— mind your own business. It doesn't matter what you do. Change
hairstyles, go to classes, go in for sports, go somewhere, flirt with someone.

Do not think that you will miss the arrival of your man or his call. On the contrary, just attract. This point is much more important than it seems. You need to go about your business, not only in order to distract from the thought that the man is gone.

Often the process itself doing their own thing attracts men much more than anything else. After all, if a woman is only occupied with thoughts about "he is the only one", then nothing interesting, according to a man, happens in a woman's life and you can not return.

If a woman is engaged in something other than thinking about a man, then the former partner becomes curious about what is happening there, and even in his absence? Do not forget that men are owners and are often not ready to let a woman go so easily, especially if he has some positive emotions for you.

But, of course, again, do not expect this, but really immerse yourself in your affairs and, in fact, resign yourself to the fact that the man will not return.

— If you have begun to communicate somehow, do not force this communication, and as I said, don't expect too much that it will necessarily lead to the fact that the man will return.

If a man just wants to talk, then listen, ask something yourself. If you just walk, then walk. Consider that this is a new man who should conquer you, and not vice versa.

Do not rush to live together again, because quarrels can flare up with renewed vigor, especially if you are not very intensively engaged in accepting a man, have not had time to work out some skills, or just too little time has passed. After all, you need a lasting result, and not just the fact that the man returned, and left again a week later (or you kicked him out). And at a distance it is much easier to change something in yourself and think about it.

- Show initiative in communication? You know my opinion, I'm against it. Maybe arrange a "random" meeting and ask how his life is and listen, but this is the maximum for the most active women. Even if you cannot control yourself at all, then in any case, do not write about loving him. This is almost the end of the relationship. If your hands do not listen to you and type SMS themselves, then just apologize and that's enough. Do not write repeated SMS and do not wait for a response.

It will be much better if you first come to your senses, and then change. Men feel for 100 km. that the woman began to take it. It seems to me that for this, men do not even need to see a woman or learn some information about her, everything is transmitted through the air. Be prepared for his call or "random" meeting.

- If three months or more have passed, you have not started dating again, but only do what you remember about the former man, then you need to reformulate the task. Not “how to return a man”, but how to get rid of dependence on a man. Already with such a wording of the question, you can look for answers. The easiest way is to start remembering the negative traits and actions of the person who left, maybe remembering with a friend who did not like him.

Just don't go in cycles in this exercise for life, as some women do. Forgot a specific man and that's enough. No need to come to the conclusion that all men are not very good.

Of course, advice in such a situation is sometimes quite difficult to reach a person. Therefore, if everything is completely bad, then read only the first part of the article several times. If at least at a minimum you came to your senses, then be sure to do other points. I would like, as usual, at the end of the article to say what to do and the man will definitely return. But in this case, this is not entirely true.

Therefore, rather so. Do whatever is necessary. Mind your own business, remove from your thinking and behavior what repels men. If you do this, then either this man will return, or you will definitely get better with another man.

Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.

Many partners come together after parting, knowing other relationships, disappointed, realizing their mistakes and how dear and close the person they parted with is. The long-term existence of such a happy, reunited, union is possible only if both are aware, sincerely forgive each other, both will try to avoid previous mistakes, trust, preserve those feelings that they have, cherish, respect each other. You need to think it over yourself, analyze the reason for the breakup and your desire to renew relations with this particular person, make a decision - perhaps he performed a certain function next to you, gave experience and there was no more sense to be together. But no matter what happens now, you yourself can always take a step to be with him, from the point of view of psychology, a lot depends on you, on your behavior, desires, plans, because we ourselves create and organize space around ourselves, attract events, people own thoughts, behavior, statements, desires and attitudes, even their appearance. If you want to be with your husband, you feel that there is something between you that is worth trying for - act on your own, do not be afraid of anything, do not listen to other people's advice. Never wait for someone to make you happier - do what you want, according to your own ideas about happiness. Any issues related to relationships in a couple should be discussed with the second half. Only the two of you can come to a common opinion, develop the necessary new behaviors, change tactics. Because both of you are involved in this process and one person must definitely know what the other feels, he himself may not understand it. In the problems of a couple, there is always a role for both, we are treated the way we allow. To build relationships according to your ideals is work, although its payment is quite worthy - mutual understanding, harmony in all areas, love, sincere joint emotions. If possible, develop them, add previously missing emotions, impressions, words, meetings, events. In any case, you always need to talk about everything with a man (silence breaks fate, as Paulo Coelho says). Be sure to talk to him sincerely and frankly about everything that is exciting, not from the position of a victim, but from the position of a mature person. Let it be a romantic dinner, arrange it first of all for yourself. Maybe in a conversation it turns out that you are close, dear to each other and you will be able to re-establish an emotional connection - this is exactly the magic thread that keeps couples together for many years (not material wealth, not a sense of duty, not acquired property together, and not even children, but real feelings for each other). Tell me how you feel about him, how dear, loved, valuable he is to you and your relationship, what you personally want, simply and calmly say this, do not ask for anything, do not demand, do not make excuses. Love is a feeling that makes us happy, it is not possible to beg for it, as well as respect, attention, warmth. But loved ones must know how we treat them, how we value them. Remember what he loves, what he would dream of doing, what pleases him and gives him pleasure, and organize situations so that, if possible, he does all this, thanks to you, together with you. Always do something pleasant and pleasing to both of you - it is the joint experience of emotions that unites people. Radiate joy, positive and they will definitely come back to you. Give and receive kindness, affection, care is the key to harmony in all areas of relationships. There are no ideal people and ideal relationships, everything is in your hands, create whatever you want (not with this person, but with another, worthy), you will succeed, because everything around us, our whole life, its circumstances depend on our perception of them, from ourselves. We ourselves, with our own efforts, form our own little world, program our future. Think about it, how you want to see it, this is how it will be: expect the bad - it will happen, believe and wait with all your heart for only the good - it will definitely come into your life. Just do not let the feeling of happiness and fullness of life depend on the presence of other people / person in it, never dissolve in anyone, maintain your psychological integrity. You deserve to be loved and happy, without doing anything specifically for this, without deserving, without suffering. Perhaps the outcome of your meeting will be different, in any case, for the better for you, you will understand this. Good luck to you, harmony and love. If you want to understand yourself and the situation - write to the chat, I will be happy to help, everything is confidential. I will be grateful for the rating.

Good afternoon. I was interested in your answer "Many partners converge after parting, having known other relationships, being disappointed, realizing their own about ..." to the question http://www.. Can I discuss this answer with you?

Discuss with an expert

Has anyone had that the man first left, saying that he did not love, and then returned? and got the best answer

Answer from Ўliya[guru]
Oh yes .... It was. He left saying that he didn't like him. Almost a month has passed, at first I tried to return everything, and then ... Just tired. I started talking to others. I tried to return him, we saw each other once, when I came to him at night through the whole city, just to see .... I saw ... And she went on her way. It was very hard, but I left. And only then he called SAM. Now he follows me himself, but only now I think, is it worth it?? you. . Even with others, I only think about you .. "-and all that ..))) But now I'm talking with another man, and he knows it. And still says that we will be together, no matter what!! ! What I already doubt, once I really wanted it, but now ... Feelings are crushed. And in general, I noticed that the less we worry about them, the better and faster they return!!! What will happen next, I don't know. But only one thing I know for sure - if fate, then we will be together.))) Happiness to you, good luck and love!))
Source: Personal experience))) A little bit bitter, but.. . vital.))

Answer from User deleted[guru]
yes it was :)) now he says that he is crazy about me

Answer from sun[guru]
Yes, when he returned late, as it was already. .

Answer from Elena_sh[guru]
It happened often, apparently they underestimated me when they left, and then compared with others and returned when I was no longer needed.

Answer from Natasha[guru]
Yes, it was, you won’t understand men, how children need something, then no!

Answer from Polina Petrova[guru]
it’s better not to wait until he says a second time that he doesn’t love, he came because there is nowhere to go, you can’t help but love, and then suddenly fall in love, it’s better not to start a relationship with such a relationship anymore

Answer from Nastya[guru]
oh, it was, he left, he came back, in the end I got tired of all this and I left myself, it’s been a year since we parted and he still walks, although I have already told him more than once that I don’t love him and I won’t return to him !!

Answer from Marinochka[guru]
and my 1 time left found a new one, they dispersed, he returned. 2 times left found another one, they dispersed again returned. now, right now, he left 3 times and I won’t accept him again, and so many times I forgave him for everything. ENOUGH!!

Answer from ***Elena***[guru]
Yes, they are always moving back and forth! My husband, while not yet a husband, left 2-3 times, then dragged himself back. Time passed in different ways, sometimes a couple of weeks, and once even almost six months. So what is the reason for the return? "I love, I can't" .... I let go twice, I didn’t think about him at all, I didn’t call or write, I pinned myself. And the third time she went to him herself and took him home, she didn’t particularly resist, she was even glad. And when he leaves and says that he doesn’t love, it’s not a fact that he doesn’t love, many people say it in the heat of the moment, or to offend, or they don’t understand that they really love it))

Answer from Milena[guru]
was, said that he did not like and left, returned a couple of days later, saying that he could not live without me and that he was very ill. I forgave him, but then we broke up again.

Answer from Sunny[guru]
It happened, I forgave and accepted him, then it happened again, but they were already married, I asked him not to leave, he broke down for a long time, when I was already desperate and spit on everything, he returned again, then a child was born and now I’m waiting for the second, and now it happened again , for 3 months I was ruffling my nerves (and I’m pregnant), then I’m leaving, I say go, he can’t, let’s try again, he says ... And yesterday he left, I won’t accept it again and I won’t forgive let him bite my elbows. One thing is insulting, the children are so small and already without a normal full-fledged family .... Therefore, I advise you to break with such an unreliable selfish person right away, before it's too late.

Answer from Azov Panther[guru]
He left me .. let him go .. he is dear to him like a good tablecloth ... he won’t find me better anyway .. I won’t accept him back .. he lives with his mother’s head .. such a person .. why do I need him like that? .. dear ladies, don’t regret that a man left you, it means it’s better, well, he didn’t love or love has passed .. why regret it .. everything will be fine without him .. you will find your happiness and joy ... life does not end there ... life goes on... and life should be enjoyed.. it is beautiful! He went there and the road! Find even better! I wish you health, happiness and love! With respect to you.

Answer from Nargiz Mustafayeva[newbie]
was. and eat. We've been together 8 times and we can't get together. I have lost a loved one and lost relatives. uproot.

Answer from Lali[guru]
it’s better to let go and leave yourself - there and see his reaction .. at least you won’t lose time .. although what advice do you have - you still won’t leave first, it’s understandable .. wait until he leaves ... and he leaves .. sorry. I see.

Answer from Katusha[guru]
Not yet ... Let's wait and see, maybe it will return ...

Answer from Polina sun[newbie]
Oh yes .... It was. He left saying that he didn't like him. Almost a year has passed, at first I tried to return everything, and then ... I just got tired of it. I started talking to others. I tried to return it, I saw each other once, when my friend and I came for a walk with them, then we stayed overnight through the whole city, just to see .... I saw, I realized that I started all this in vain!

Answer from Andrey arlek1no[newbie]
Good time everyone, can I tell you my situation, maybe someone will tell me what to do. My wife and I lived for 6 years in a civil marriage, then we still got married and lived for another year, after that I began to hang out with the girl, my wife talked about playing, but I didn’t take her seriously, 1 month passed, I left my wife for this girl, we began to live in place, but I still thought about my wife, I once returned to my wife, but so far without clothes, spent the night and went to get clothes there, that friend to whom I left, there were tears of snot, don’t go away and I felt sorry for her, I stayed, and so it continued 4 times I tried to return to my wife but could not because of pity for another. When I understood everything and realized that I love my wife very much, I had to return, but it was already too late for my wife to file for divorce and now she doesn’t want to know me, but I still love her very much and no one except my wife is needed. Can someone tell me what to do??? maybe it’s true that she’s fine without me and needs to put up with it and give her free rein !!

Hello. I really need help. I do not know what to do. My husband left me. In a relationship with him for 7 years. Of these, they lived together for 3 years. We have a 2.5 year old son. They lived like everyone else: there were quarrels, and love. I became nervous after the birth of my son. I got a job when my son was 9 months old. The husband then lost his job. Tired and lashed out at her husband. My husband sat at the computer after work, did not help much around the house. I could go to the store on Friday evening and come only on Sunday evening before work. I cried a lot, talked to him, he accused me of drinking, not giving freedom. He drank all these days with friends and so constantly. I asked his family and friends. They said that he drinks with men. There are no women there. They calmed me down.
One day he left for 5 days and returned to pick up his things and left. Saying that he fell in love. I love my husband very much. I didn't expect this from him. He, leaving, accused me that I was to blame for everything. Pregnant, I spoke ill of his mother and relatives out of anger. And he reminded me of this. He said that someday he would start beating me for my tongue. I am quick-tempered, I can say too much, but I step back and ask for forgiveness.

In general, he left and after 5 days got together with a woman 12 years older than him. She is a refugee from Ukraine. She has two children: girls 16 and 6 years old. She's from his job. And I learned about it from her abandoned husband. I'm in so much pain. Hunt howl. I don't know what to do, my son misses his dad. Crying and waiting from work. I would forgive everything, probably, if only my son had a family. We were a good family. I was told that during the day he is not at home in that family, that he feels out of place there sometimes. But he said he wouldn't come back to me.
Please help. We are still so young and do not understand much. I'm 23, he's 24. I don't know what to do! Wait for it, something to do? How to return it? I don't know what to do anymore. I have lost a lot of weight, I can not calm down. The child is worried. We cry together. Help. I ask you to. How should I proceed in this situation?

Support the site:

Yulianna, age: 23 / 06/07/2015

Responses:

Hello, Yulianna, I didn’t answer anyone on this site, but I will support you, maybe because we are suitable for age!
My dear, you yourself say, so young, that's just so young, and your husband is already doing this! You don’t have to wait for anything, and even more so, believe me, it won’t be better! You need to gain strength to live on, and you will succeed, you have a small child in your arms and the main trump card is youth! And your husband will return to you, but whether you need him is up to you! And with a child, you simply have to look happy and smile, and not cry with him! God will put everything in its place, but over time! I hug you tightly, strength to you and patience! Recently, she got out of this state herself in small steps.

Love, age: young / 06/07/2015

Yuliana, it's time to grow up and learn to be responsible for your own life and the life of your child. I don’t know what model of relationship you represent in relation to the family. But the basis should be responsibility and respect for each other. Responsibility is a subjective obligation to be responsible for actions and actions, as well as their consequences. Respect - the position of one person in relation to another, recognition of the dignity of the individual. Respect prescribes not to harm another person, either physical or moral. It doesn't exist in your relationship.
The husband does not respect you and does not feel any responsibility. In our society, the concept of love is now presented as the use of another person for one's own purposes (material, sexual, etc.) without any responsibility. A man, like a woman with a normal level of responsibility for her life, family, home, understands perfectly well that any relationship requires mutual efforts. Most often, it is the woman, especially with the advent of children, who takes on the entire burden of responsibility, sometimes completely relieving her husband of any duties. And it’s worth the overgrown “child” to be capricious looking for something to pamper him. The status of a married woman is preserved by any effort. And our fault is not small that we live and endure, our children look at it and grow up with just such a model of behavior - selfish and infantile. Egoists are taught by life - I now know this from my own experience, but not everyone can withstand such a collapse of illusions. It is painful to admit to yourself your mistakes and it is impossible to correct and re-educate anyone except yourself.
You are now in a depressed state, there is unbearable bitterness inside, a sea of ​​emotions that do not find a way out and seem to burn out of the nutria, fear for your future and the future of your child. This stage should be tried just to survive. All attention to yourself, move away from your husband, let yourself calm down. Believe me, in this state it is difficult to make adequate decisions. Watch your diet and rest, it is advisable to consult a doctor and take a sedative. In this situation, your health is in your hands and you still need it.
Why do you want to return a person who does not want to return, who behaves meanly and irresponsibly towards you and the child? What are you going to forgive him, humiliation and betrayal? Why, to show him that he can do this and nothing will happen to him for it? On the contrary, we will meet him as a hero, lay a festive table, arrange a fabulous night, and then what? This will not solve your internal problems, on the contrary, you will become disgusted by this mask of lies and hypocrisy, in front of a person who hurts you and does not repent of it a bit.
You write: the child is crying, he is crying looking at you. You should not expose the child as a shield to the forefront of the relationship between mom and dad. You yourself must become this shield covering your child. Happy mom - happy and the child and no matter what the weather outside the window.
The main thing for you is to try to find peace of mind, splash out emotions in any business, physical exercises (dancing), cleaning the apartment or light repairs, any hobby (knitting, embroidering, sculpting, etc.), activities with a child - this is especially important. Just do not beg your husband to return, this will only push him away from you more now. Just think, if you left a person with whom you don’t want to be, and he pursues you and begs you to return, you would probably try even further to get away from this obsession. Try to move away from him, read about the method of removal. No one removed responsibility for the child from him, file alimony, some dads are a little sobering.
You know, reading your message, I thought: “Gone .. and thank God !, now a woman has the opportunity to live peacefully and happily, especially since she is only 23 years old!” Read here how they don’t leave for years, reduce women to the level of service personnel, humiliate them in front of children, read about returning without remorse, read how we bring ourselves to our worries about those who don’t even remember us, but think and care only about yourself and your pleasures. Read, think and LIVE!

Olga, age: 43 / 06/07/2015

Julianna, dear, did you really consider it a “good family” that you and your husband had such a relationship in which he allowed himself (I quote you): “I could go to the store on Friday evening and come only on Sunday evening before work” , "Said he would beat me someday"? Is this a family - with such an attitude?
Did it suit you, and you want to return everything back? And what will your growing son see: neglect of his mother, humiliation, freedom to go to whomever he wants, and then return, or maybe raise a hand to his wife when he wants, and he himself will think that this is how dad should behave in the family. And he will grow up with such a concept that such a family should be ... Do you really want this?
You are still so young, you have a chance to free yourself from such vicious family relationships, even though it will be difficult and painful at first. But your son will not see such an example as his own father can teach him. You have many chances to meet a good man who will love you and your son, and give you true happiness in the family, will help and protect you, teach your son to be a responsible man, not a selfish male.
Think carefully, remember, how much joy did you have in your family with such an attitude of your husband? And do you really want such "joys" again, from which you only want to cry? You are given a chance for a new life for yourself and your son, so why cling to the old, in which you feel so bad. Grow up, Yulianna, learn yourself and teach your son to discard everything that is dirty, unworthy, insulting. This is very hard to live with. Of course, not immediately, but you realize what kind of swamp you have to get out of, for your own sake, for your son's sake. Be responsible to him.

Tatyana, age: 59 / 06/07/2015

Dear Yulianna! And what was expressed by the fact that you were a good family? You, having a small child in your arms, got a job, worked hard to feed your family, and your spouse, instead of finding a job, sat at the computer and ate vodka. The fact that in this situation you broke down on him ... Well, you know, who would not break loose in your place? No doubt, irascibility is bad, you need to work on it, but your husband is still, understand, behaving meanly, disgustingly and not a bit repentant of this. Why bring back such "happiness"? Trust me, nothing good will come of this. Don't waste your life on him. Find in yourself your feminine dignity, which, unfortunately, we all bury deep. Hold on, you're not alone! God help you!

Star, age: 32 / 06/07/2015

Juliana, I want to tell you that you, of course, are still a very young girl, with no experience. But I can say for sure that any break (especially if you are not the initiator) is always very painful, even if objectively the relationship was bad. You always want to catch on and return the familiar, in general, always, even if the partner turns out to be the last scoundrel. This period of "clinging" is different for everyone, someone needs a month, someone needs a year. But if everything is okay with your psyche (and I'm sure it is), then it will end for you, along with all the torment in the style of "how to return?". Only various brain twists of reality can delay this process. For example, in your letter there is a clear contradiction, a description of the terrible facts of your life together and the verdict "we were a good family." Maybe of course you do not know how it could be otherwise? But it is very, very far away from the family. Again, my opinion is that there was no love as such, and from both sides. Which, in principle, I think is always mutual. Both of you are still so young, but they began to degrade together, he is revelry, irresponsibility, disrespect, you are reproaches, scandals and, again, disrespect. What is this family? What will happen next in this climate? It’s just that my vision of a family is this, it’s when there is such a climate in which both flourish, in which your loved one will lend a hand to you if it’s hard for you, and will not put a bandwagon in addition, where children are happy that they see love and there is always enough love for them . This is quite real, I know such families, and their reward is great that they found their way and found their person. Nobody insured them from anything. But seeing them separately, you understand that they are individuals, independent and self-sufficient. Healthy adult relationships. You have already been written, and I support this opinion, that all the tears of a child are only from your condition. When dad was partying for 5 days with men, did the son also cry like that for dad? In general, there is no need to load a little baby with your passions, and even more so use it as a weapon in order to put pressure on dad for pity. Nothing good will happen, and the child is harm. Cry, be bored, any emotions are appropriate in stress, let them go out, but just don’t cry with your son. So that he doesn't see it. On the contrary, it is necessary to reassure the child somehow, so that he feels safe. You are a mother and you are the most important for him, while he is so small.

Lika, age: 32 / 06/08/2015

Yulianna, you were given such a situation in order to understand your participation in it. And this participation is definitely there, although now you see yourself as the injured party.

You did not write much, but it is clear from your letter that your husband did not accept and did not understand the rules of the family. Oversized sitting at the computer, going on a spree, even with friends, is a protest. Against what? It's not clear. Further, he reproached you with some words addressed to his relatives.
Why do you even say such words? Accumulated? Look for other civilized ways to extinguish aggression. That's what YOU have achieved with your "evil truth"? Do you think that your words can change something in the behavior of those people? Then against whom did these words work?
Who was shot at? To you. It was you who scored a goal for yourself. If you are married, then let your husband's relatives not be discussed by you in his presence. After all, you and your relatives are also not a role model? What will you feel if your husband starts talking openly about them? Draw conclusions: not everything that is on the mind needs to be lowered to the level of the language. For your own good.

Further, the woman is 12 years older than her husband? That says it all. By this, quite clearly, he made it clear: why did he need her. I will not write for what, everyone understood everything. The term of such relations is not great, there is no seriousness in them, nothing will be created there and your husband will soon fade from there. Where and why? But from now on, you need to think. And something needs to be done.
The most important thing is your relationship with your husband. Will you forgive him for this behavior? To forgive means to understand the reasons. And start changing them. I already wrote to you above that such behavior is a protest against reality. What exactly does he not accept? To obtain such information, you need to speak frankly. You are still so young, you flare up like matches, but you cannot properly and appropriately use heat. You flash on and off. This is the habit you need to get out of. That is, learn to spend your nerves for the result, and not for the process.
I will not write to you that at the age of 23 you will still find your destiny. I don't know what is the fate of a stranger. But if you want the concept of fate to include a family for you, then you can’t change anything without criticizing yourself. Change your temper for prudence, claims for requests. Everything starts to change little by little. If a smart and quiet wife, a healthy child, a delicious dinner, cleanliness are waiting for a man at home, a man runs and flies to such a house. Each person should have personal space and personal time. You have to clean your feathers. Husband for anything. And if at this personal time he will be alone, so be it. This is also needed. But the most important sign of the right personal time is that he foresees it in the family. And he's great about it. That is, he does not aspire from home. He is just very happy with his wife and child. They are like air for him: necessary and invisible. It's just there and that's it. He breathes them.

Now the husband said that he would not return to you. Take these words into account and live quietly and raise a child. When a woman is calm and self-confident, you always want to know: what is at the foundation of such confidence. In order to build relationships in the family, you must first learn how to build relationships within yourself. Learn to extinguish your fires and develop your talents, not be offended by mistakes and always acquire new skills. With this husband, or with the future, with your mother or mother-in-law, with your boss or daughter-in-law, such skills will always come in handy.
Believe me, when a person has built his own strong state with a king in his head, many people will want to join him. And no one wants to be closer to chaos.

Nina Vishnevskaya, age: 45 / 06/08/2015

Julianna, I join everyone - you should not sit and wait for the return of the prodigal spouse.
Understand one thing, the fact that he left says that he does not love you, that he does not need a family. Although, I think that he did not understand what a family is, and what is the responsibility for the family of its head.
You say you love him, ask how to get him back... Why return someone who doesn't love you, doesn't respect you, doesn't appreciate you? What is it for you? To just be around?
Let's just take a sober look at a good family, as it looks in your understanding:
1. The head of the family cannot support the family, you are forced to withdraw from the decree. Well, this happens in our difficult times. But the man makes every effort to reverse this situation and does everything possible so that his family does not need. Your spouse is at the computer.
2. There is no help around the house, with a child, and this despite the fact that you work, but he does not. This shows that he absolutely does not appreciate your efforts, and, accordingly, you yourself. He takes it for granted that you took on male duties, but he didn’t free you from female ones either, you are like a hired worker, along with a housewife and a nanny in one bottle, but certainly not a beloved wife (see woman).
3. Disappears on weekends with friends (this, by the way, is one of the most common excuses for wandering spouses). Again, an indicator of attitude towards you, towards your son, and not a very good indicator, to put it mildly. Time is torn away, stolen from the family, from the child.
4. Drink. Question for what money? Family money that you earned. That is, the fact that you work and earn is taken for granted - you are like a mother to him, who feeds, clothes, takes care of in a word, well, sometimes she swears. But where did the beloved woman go?
Summing up, so to speak, what we see is disrespect, dislike for you, for the family as a whole.
Tell me, were you really satisfied with the fact that even if he drinks, but the main thing is that without women ??? That is, if he just drinks for several days, then this is not a problem, the main thing is that he does not change? Do you agree to live with a faithful alcoholic? Then read the topics of wives of alcoholics, children of alcoholics. I think that you will think about why you need this, you and your son, who will grow up in such a family and think that this is right, because his closest and dearest people live like that.
You are really still very young, both of you, but each of you already has his own developed character, habits, and his own vision of the world. You want a complete family, that's good. But, after all, a complete family is not yet an indicator of a happy family. You and your son are also a family, small but friendly.
Regarding the tears of my son, I wanted to tell you the following - your son is still very small, and at the moment you are the most important thing for him, your son's tears are your experiences, your tears. stop crying in front of your son, by doing this you frighten him, knock the ground out from under his feet. And he is not crying and waiting from work, but you. I can directly imagine how you take the baby in your arms and begin to shed tears, sentences, where is our daddy ... Have pity on the psyche of your baby. You are an adult woman, mother, think first of all about what is necessary and useful for your son, and this is certainly not a drinking daddy, disappearing for days with other people's uncles and having fun in someone else's bed, not a crying nervous mother, thinking only about the return of her walking husband. First of all, a child needs a calm environment, stability and peace, and it is you who can give this to your son with your care and love. Love it, play, develop, walk, read. There are a lot of activities, at the same time you will be distracted from sad thoughts about your husband. Of course, you need to cry sometimes, tears are cleansing, but turn it into a waterfall, give yourself time to relax, cry alone, or on the shoulder of a close friend, but you don’t need to cry in front of your son.
And most importantly, stop asking how he lives there with that lady, why tear your heart out? He lives and thank God, let him live as he wants. And you live YOUR life. Keep your dignity, do not humiliate yourself with these questions. For example, I didn’t ask anything from anyone, some tried to convey information, but I told them, I’m not interested, I have my own life. Everything, over time, the stream of those wishing to report the latest news melted away, as did their so-called friendship.
Yulianna, it's hard to go through betrayal and overcome this pain, but it's possible, everything is in your hands, your life is in your hands. You are given a chance to live without a person destroying you.
Let's thank him for leaving, and not putting you on standby, this, believe me, is even worse than knowing for sure that he left and that's it. So we pull ourselves together, begin to live and, if possible, live happily!
By the way, what do you have with the material component? Do you live in your apartment? Do you have someone to help you with the baby from time to time?
Make alimony, this can be done without getting divorced. Take care of your material well-being with your baby.
Hugs to you and baby.

Accidia, age: 36 / 06/09/2015

Yulianna, I couldn’t get past your story - it’s very similar to mine: I didn’t help, although I worked - I didn’t earn money, I had a child and 2-3 jobs, weekends in a fun drunk company are not uncommon, as a result I went to the other, to his "childhood friend". But you have a huge plus - you are only 23 years old! You have EVERYTHING ahead - and these are not just words.
What conclusions have I drawn over this almost a year, listen to them - I think they will help you:
1. If he had already behaved this way, the relationship would not have gotten better - not in a year or two, not in 10, only worse. More booze, more tears and less patience.
2. Don't feel sorry for the child too much - it only melts the tears. On the contrary, tell him: you have a mother (aunt, uncle, etc.). He is now waiting for his dad - it will take only 3-4 months or a little more, the child will get used to it. And now there is no dad - and everything is fine. The main thing is that mom is calm and happy. At 2.5 years old, mom is his whole world.
3. You will certainly meet another man, just not right away. You are young, already with a child (this is only a plus, that is, caring, economic, sweet). And meet exactly the one who likes that you already have a child - in his eyes you will be even more feminine.
4. What to do right now: do everything not to cry. Helps not to see him not to hear? No contacts. Helps to watch series? Strongly do not reproach yourself - look. Helps to walk? Walk as often as possible with the baby.
I have no doubt that you will be fine!

Elena, age: 34/11.06.2015

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If a family has a divorce, this does not mean the end of the relationship. Very often, husbands who leave their wives for mistresses return home with a confession after a while. Why is this happening, and how should the wives of naughty husbands behave?

Why Husbands Leave

Practice knows many cases when a husband leaves the family, but then returns, and the couple continues to live happily ever after. Women are much more tolerant than men and are able to forgive a lot. In the life of almost every woman there was a betrayal of a loved one and subsequent forgiveness. Men, on the other hand, are arranged in such a way that cheating for them is a common thing, a physiological process that means nothing. Most often, a husband cheats on his wife, because this one corresponds to the status of a male, because it is interesting. There are cases when treason occurs under the influence of alcohol. Unlike women who are painfully experiencing their own infidelity, men do not attach much importance to their adventures. If they are to blame, there will be no long experiences, and after the wife's forgiveness is received, betrayal is likely to be repeated. And this situation is the norm for many men. They can cheat 5 times and they will be forgiven the same number of times, since for their wives the main thing is spiritual fidelity.

But if the husband packed up and left, this does not mean just physiological sex or sports interest. A family man, accustomed to home comfort, ironed shirts and delicious meals, is unlikely to leave the family for the sake of a fleeting hobby. Rather, he will quietly meet with his mistress, but will not sacrifice his own comfort. Men leave for other women for the following reasons:

1. Love. Such cases happen when the first love meets. Old feelings flare up with renewed vigor, and this relationship ends with the fact that the husband wants to leave the family. Also, men fall in love with other women when a midlife crisis occurs. The desire to feel younger pushes older husbands into the arms of young girls.
2. Cheating wife. Men rarely forgive women's infidelity. This is a blow to their male pride, which not everyone can survive.
3. Problems of a psychological nature. A man wants to leave home, where there is an unfavorable emotional atmosphere, where there are constant omissions, quarrels, where he is not understood. Often, there are problems in a married couple due to differences in life views, issues of religion and raising children.
4. Financial and household problems. Lack of money can also cause problems. If the wife will reproach her husband for financial insolvency and nag him about this, sooner or later he will leave his wife.
5. Problems in intimate life. The sexual life of a man lasts quite a few years, up to old age. And even after a year of family life, husbands need full-fledged intimacy. Women, being engaged in everyday life, children, cease to pay due attention to spouses.
6. Wife's appearance. In family life, husbands see their wives unkempt and unkempt, dressed not at all feminine. And at work, on the contrary, every day they see beautiful female colleagues in fashionable outfits, fragrant with perfume. Comparing, men every day stop looking at their wives as women. Hence - problems in sexual life, irritability, dissatisfaction with each other.

Where do husbands go?

Families do not always break up because of other women. And not every man, gaining freedom, seeks to lose it again. If the husband left the family for the sake of his mistress, he will go to her. If the reasons for the gap are different, then the temporary shelter of a man can be:

• parental home;
• rental apartment;
• friend's house
• cottage or garage;
• office;
• car.

In extreme cases, the spouse quits his job and leaves for another city. If he does not find a permanent place of residence, you can be sure: having pushed around, he will definitely return.

When will the husband return home?

As already mentioned, if the husband left the family, this does not necessarily mean that forever. Some time will pass, and he may return. It all depends on some circumstances:

• the reason why the husband left the family;
• how will your relationship develop after the break;
• what will you do to get it back.

If the husband went to his mistress, then, as practice shows, he will leave her. When will the candy-bouquet period end. It lasts an average of 3-4 months. If we analyze why the husband left for another, then we can identify the following reasons:

• the mistress is more attractive than you, more well-groomed;
• she has a lot of free time, so she can devote it only to your husband;
• she is not burdened with worries;
• she does not charge her husband with domestic problems, does not nag him;
• he is tempted in sex.

In three or four months, the veil will fall from the eyes of the spouse, and he will see that his mistress is an ordinary woman, just like you, and hundreds of other women. She can also walk around uncombed, come home tired from work. She will ask her husband to hammer in a nail, take out the trash. He will understand that he has not acquired anything new and therefore will return to his former life, that is, to you.

Why Husbands Come Back

When the husband said that he was leaving forever, it seemed to you that this was the end of the family, the end of the relationship. But statistics show that unfaithful husbands return in most cases. And this happens due to the following factors:

1. Habit. Men themselves do not notice how they get used to certain things, trifles. And only life with another woman reveals these little things. He notices that his mistress does not cook like his wife, loves the wrong films and programs, listens to different music. And he comes back because he is unable to change his habits.
2. Change of world view. If the husband left for another or just from home, this probably happened in the heat of emotion. After time passes, the man realizes the value of the family, his mistakes and will return.
3. Reconciliation. After the husband has left home, communication with his wife and children still continues. And over time, all anger and resentment disappear.

How to cope with the departure of a husband

If the husband left and does not want to return, it will be unpleasant, painful and insulting for any woman. At the moment when he said that he was leaving, it seems that this is betrayal and treason. The first thought that arises in a wife is, of course, a mistress. But, as already mentioned, the husband does not always go to another woman.

The gap period for a woman lasts for several stages:

1. suffering Why did the husband leave? What is my fault? How to live on? During this period, in the heat of the moment, a lot of stupid acts are committed, which both spouses later regret.
2. Pride. Having cooled down a bit, the women think: so what if the husband left and does not call. So what, that's gone forever. I will live without him, and he will be gone.
3. Again suffering. And pity for myself, for my husband. The woman is ready to forgive everything in the world, if only he would return.

During these periods, a woman can do a lot of stupid things that you need to beware of. In no case should you shed tears, beg, arrange a showdown with your mistress, blackmail children. The main thing is to give time for the sobriety of the mind to return, and after that you can already think what to do.

How to return a husband to the family

If the reason for the breakdown of your relationship was not your mistress, then how soon he will return depends only on you. We need to wait a few weeks, let both cool down and think, and then proceed to action. If his departure was scandalous, you should definitely talk and apologize. Surely, he will also apologize, realizing his mistakes.

It is necessary to analyze well and understand what exactly is to blame. If the husband left the family, this indicates that something does not suit him. So, things were not going smoothly in the family. After a little time has passed, you need to meet and talk openly. If you cannot resolve the issue without scandals, communicate through letters or SMS messages. Find out what exactly your husband does not like about you, understand why exactly you behave the way you do. In no case should you mutually reproach him and blame him. Agree, promise to improve and just as honestly tell about your claims.

The next step is the fix. It is not enough to promise, you need to act. Start changing. The husband will return if he sees in you a beloved and desired woman.

• watch your appearance, you should always be well-groomed and attractive;
• be calm and restrained, do not allow yourself to become hysterical;
• be more relaxed in bed so that he does not even think about other women;
• be gentle, affectionate and calm.

Today it is not difficult to work on yourself. You can seek help from a psychologist, visit special trainings, watch motivational films, read relevant literature. It all depends on your desire to return your husband.

If you know that the husband went to his mistress, you need to show cunning. If she somehow attracted your spouse, then you need to become even better. Moreover, you have a great advantage: you are his wife, which means that you can call him at any time and ask for anything.

1. Act kindly and openly, use any occasion to invite him home. After all, he can visit the children.
2. When your husband comes home, cook his favorite dish, as if by chance put on his favorite movie. Coming to you, he should see a pleasant and familiar environment.
3. And don't forget about yourself. You must be attractive, friendly, cheerful and caring.
4. When you feel that he is already wholeheartedly with you, in the family, seduce him. No need to be shy, feel embarrassed, because this is your husband. It is his mistress who should be ashamed, because he left you because of her.

After a certain time, he will understand that this is his home, you are his wife, and his beloved children are nearby.

In some situations, the husband leaves home just to teach the spouse a lesson, to show her what she can lose. In any case, it is important to recognize mistakes in time, apologize to each other and forgive. After all, a moment may come when reconciliation will be impossible.