Listen to how it sounds: "He left me with a child!". The following picture immediately appears: a sobbing wife with a child in her arms tries to hug her husband, and he indifferently throws his relatives away from him and, leaving, slams the door! So I want to immediately punish the villain!

But if you listen to your husband, then he has his own version: “I did not leave my child! I left my wife!" Immediately the situation changes and many questions arise: why did you leave? What's happened? Who is guilty? How can everyone live now? Well then, let's look for answers to these questions.

There are situations when the expression “left a husband with a child” is completely inappropriate, although it sounds like a horror story. But in fact, this situation is more terrible for men than for “unfortunate” women:

A random sex partner got pregnant. Such a "surprise" often happens with rich and famous men in order to jump out to get married under any pretext. You can read about such surprises in the article.

The man lived together or just met with a girl, but was not yet ready to marry. And even more so to have children. Conditions were set, there was protection, but supposedly something went wrong, but it was not possible to agree on an abortion. After all, only a woman can control her body.

The man did not know at all about the pregnancy of a random partner, and fate divorced them for a long time. And then the woman found the man. He, the poor fellow, did not even suspect that he had a child. He himself has already got a new family, children, and here he is - a blow from the past: feed, educate, participate in the life of the baby.

It is disgusting to watch how at this time all the bumps fly on the head of a man. What did these ladies expect if there were no promises, marriage proposals and father's wishes? There was not even a family with a subsequent divorce. What did they expect? To the indignation of the crowd? For large alimony?

Therefore, if you are “in the ranks” of such women, then there is only one advice: bring up, dear, yourself, if you really wanted a child. You gave life to a man only for your own benefit? Then you should be the first to be judged for it.

There are different things in families - quarrels, insults, scandals. But for some reason, some women are able to perceive even a minor quarrel as a global catastrophe. Well, this often happens in young families immediately after the birth of their first child. Mommy is in postpartum depression, daddy is horrified by the ora and dirty diapers of the baby, and even after hard work. Where is there not to argue?

So it turns out that the spouses threaten each other with a divorce, and then daddy runs away from home in his hearts for a while. Well, it becomes unbearable for him in such an environment! And he can't take the baby with him. And here's what happens to mommy:

She starts calling all her relatives with tears and hysteria that her husband left her with the child, and the case smells like a divorce.

She begins to intrigue her husband: call him with threats, promise to ruin his life if he does not come to his senses.

She throws a tantrum again when her husband does return, and she arranges the whole concert in front of the child, scaring him.

Well, this is still forgivable for young "yellow-mouthed" spouses. The most important thing is that such parents have wise and experienced relatives of the older generation. It is they who can explain to these bullies how to learn patience and mutual assistance.

If there are no wise relatives or a good psychologist, then indeed this family can collapse. And the reason is simple: these two hurried to be a full-fledged family. But most often it happens that such quarrels are harbingers of a divorce, but so far without a serious parting.

Family life must be literally built - from the foundation to the roof, brick by brick. And how to do it - you will read in the article. And to avoid troubles in the family, here is another article to help you:. This is in case you have no one to give wise advice to.

When the divorce has already taken place

And yet it happened. He left, the divorce was finalized, and according to the court, the child remained, of course, with you. Now let's look at the reasons for the divorce. The fact that the baby is in your arms is another matter, but first you need to find out what prompted you to run away.

you were the initiator

It was simply unbearable to live with him. He did not help in any way, on the contrary, his presence weighed on you and even frightened you. Some kind of nervous, just a little - immediately into a cry, or even dissolve his hands. He took a drink, did not want to work, was not at all interested in the child - well, how was it to live with this?

If he really is such a bastard, and he divorced you easily, spitting on the child, then it is better to exclude him from your life after the divorce forever. And never demand anything from him - neither for yourself, nor for the baby. Even alimony. Why? More on this later.

He was the initiator

No, you didn’t kick him out, he left and filed documents with the court. He explained this reason simply - it is unbearable to live with you, but the child is not to blame for anything. He does not refuse alimony, he wants to meet the child, but he does not want to live in the family where he is humiliated.

If the reason is in your character, then be more careful in the future. Revenging your husband for a divorce, you can break a bunch of firewood, setting the child against his father and not allowing them to see each other. The consequences will be dire. You will also read about them later.

Third Party Influence

This applies to all those who were able to destroy the family and bring the matter to a divorce:

relatives on both sides. The son-in-law (or daughter-in-law) did not like it, and the relatives begin to build all sorts of intrigues. Spouses would rally and send everyone to hell. But no, listening to someone else's opinion, they could not withstand the onslaught from the outside. Therefore, one must live at a distance with such villains - the farther, the more dear.

Gossips and "well-wishers". Some nonhumans simply cannot live from envy of someone else's happiness. What kind of fairy tales they will not come up with so that a strong family is broken. Moreover, all the gossip will certainly reach the innocent spouses. The family is divorced, gossipers gloat.

For many women, the answer is unambiguous - of course, apply. Why should a child suffer if he does not receive the same thousand rubles from his father, like a tuft from a black sheep? If he doesn't pay, we'll find him through the court, through bailiffs. Or the property will be taken away. And even if he is a tight-fisted miser, you still need to rob this nonentity to the skin.

On the one hand, this is correct. But some women are so short-sighted. After all, this bill of 1000 rubles pulled out of the father's teeth may later have a negative impact on the child himself when he is an adult. And there are plenty of examples.

Earlier, in the chapter on the reasons for divorce, there was already mention of cuckoo fathers who did not care about the child from birth. He tyrannized his family, drank, and after the divorce, his trace was generally cold. He maliciously evaded alimony, no matter what was done to him.

And now, in his old age, he suddenly remembered the children. He himself is weak, and there is no one to support him, how to live on - he does not know. So why not cut him child support? According to the legislation, it seems to be necessary if he needs it for health reasons. But will they award?

And herein lies the rub. If he paid at least some pennies every month, then his children will support him for life. Maliciously evaded and hid - figs he will get, but the children will be free. Well, if only, according to the conscience of the father, they will regret it, as a relative. So is that thousand rubles worth such sacrifices?

In other cases, of course, you need to apply for alimony! If the ex-husband does not shy away from anything and regularly pays, then respect to him. Let 25% of the salary seem like a little, but such is the law. And gifts to a child from a pure heart are not handouts, as some women believe.

To begin with, let's imagine the following picture: a woman with a one-year-old child in her arms is standing at the factory entrance, waiting for her ex-husband to come home from work. When he leaves, the woman begins to violently shake the baby and scream that the child suffers without a father, and he abandoned him as a bastard.

The child is filled with crying, and all those passing by shame the father. And in good conscience, you need to take the baby away from the mother, and kick her soft spot for such a scene. The child screams not from experiences, but because he is hurt and scared from his mother's hysteria. And mom is raging for her own reasons.

How can a child himself perceive a divorce from his parents:

Up to two years the baby, basically, needs the person who is constantly next to him. Most often it is the mother. Up to a year, he may not even notice the departure of his father.

Two to five years he may realize that dad is not around, but he still does not understand the seriousness of the divorce. Dad appears on some days - it’s already good and everything is on track.

Five to eleven years old- this is a difficult period. The child is already aware that mom and dad will not live and may suffer. Especially in adolescence.

Attention! Whatever difficult relationships the parents have, this should not worry the delicate child's psyche. All clarification of relations between adults should pass by his ears.

The absence of a father under the age of five can be explained by the workload of dad at work, but not otherwise. And if dad does not appear at all in his life, then there is no need to focus on him. But when the child already understands the separation of the parents, then it is necessary to explain everything to him in simple words, without going into details: it has become difficult for all three of us to live together, but communication with the father is not prohibited.

Undoubtedly! You can disable it in three cases:

If he himself does not want these meetings. Here, forbid - do not forbid, it's all to no avail. He may be in hiding.

If there is a threat to the life and health of the child. The father is a usurper who beats the baby, and can also get drunk and lose the child.

If he can steal the baby. Because, for example, he wants to take revenge on you. And then look for them all over the world.

Everything, just this! There are no more reasons. If a child reaches out to his father, and his father to him, whether you like it or not, then you have no right to forbid it. You can date them without your presence if you do not want to see your ex-husband, or you can walk with them together. Or give the child for the whole weekend.

In no case do not set conditions and do not interfere with their meetings! And shut your mouth if you decide to say something bad to a child about his father in order to turn him against dad. Once again, the insults of adults should not concern the child.

What will happen if you do this? Most likely you will cause hatred of your child in the future. Children have a good memory. They will remember the negative that they were told, and will compare it with reality - when communicating with dad. But in reality it will be the other way around!

Arrange your personal life

Naive is that woman who believes that after a divorce she will now live alone with a child, abandoned by the whole universe. This is not the film "Blue Lagoon" with a desert island, this is life with all its society.

There are relatives, friends, neighbors - every day something new is happening. If it is possible to periodically leave a child for someone (at least for the same dad), then immediately arrange your personal life. Divorce is not the end of the world. It's just a comma in your destiny. And then you "write" it in a new way.

If you are left alone with a child, then do not give him your whole life without a trace, without letting him take a single step on his own. No one will hang a medal for you for this, but they can reproach you. And not only the child, when he grows up, but also those around him for raising “mimosa in the botanical garden” (there are such poems by S. Mikhalkov).

Finally, an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to "read" men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what is on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any relationship problems at all.

Who said it's impossible? Of course, you won’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

If you're interested, you can. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for our website visitors.

Recently I asked him - are you happy? WAS IT WORTH WHAT YOU DID? WHAT THE SON HAD A NERVOUS BREAK TO STUTTERING because he so badly wants you to live with us, WHAT BROKEN THE FAMILY, BROKEN EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED? And he - what happened? There was NOTHING!.. there was no family...
I was shocked - what is it - does he really think so or just to annoy me?

Support the site:

Olga, age: 02/31/2012

Responses:

Nina, age: 39 / 14.02.2012

Dear, dear Olga! Trust me, all men say the same thing when they leave. That he did not love, there was no family and you are to blame for everything. My darling! Believe me that you got rid of a person who is not able to bear responsibility for the family. How comfortable it was for him to be with you after parting - to lead a free lifestyle, look for a life partner, climb into bed with his ex-wife ... and at the same time lisp with his son when it suits him. Never, no one dares to offend your child! You write that your son was going through a gap before stuttering. Why let this happen? If the child is in pain, then let him at least not see the walking dad, who comes when it suits him.
It won't make sense. He will not return. He doesn't even have to regret the breakup. Because everything suits him! You will have happiness! Necessarily! You just need to break with the past. Don't look back! Everything will be fine! Kiss hard! Hugs to your son!

Elena, age: 48 / 02/14/2012

Olenka, dear, I just recently experienced a break with my husband, with whom I lived for 10 years, and was left with two children. Do not worry, because the Lord made room for something bright and good without quarrels and troubles. You have a child, and this is a gift of God that you need to cherish and rejoice every day that you have this gift. I, too, was very worried and cried, but then I realized that it makes no sense to waste my energy on my own pity and realized that with BM we will remain forever family people because of the children, but no more. Wish happiness to your loved one, if you really love, and start LIVING - that is, LIVING. Take care of the child and in no case do not tell him bad things about his father. Schedule a weekend for yourself and your son and raise yourself through I don’t want and I can’t. Prove to your child that life is beautiful regardless of the fact that he has a visiting dad. When he sees a happy mother, it will be happiness for him, and you want the baby to be happy. Pray it really helps. When bad thoughts start to come to me, I say, "Lord, bless them, give them happiness." At first I did not really hope that it would help, but I prayed, prayed - and now it helps. And BM should be perceived simply as the father of the child and that's all, no more, no emotions. He came - she smiled, met and went to do her business, in the end he came to the child - let him play, walk, do what he came for. You devote this time to yourself. Do whatever you want, you don’t have to sit with them - this is not your husband now and you need to get used to this thought, although it is very difficult. But all of us, the girls who come to this site, could - and you can. Read the stories we write and it will get easier with time. Let go of the past, stop holding on to it. There is only today, do not miss the moment, I beg you. God bless you. Hold on, I'm sure you can handle it. We are all with you.

Elena, age: 34 / 14.02.2012

Dear Olga! Four years is too long, too much, no wonder you have health problems. I understand you very much, I understand that when the soul is torn, it seems that the pain is stronger than the world. I myself am going through this now, however, six months have passed since my world collapsed. Now it is much easier, it cannot be compared with the first months. I ask myself the question of what awaits me in the future, will I be able to find a worthy man, create a family with him, give birth to a child. The city is small and not twenty years old. On New Year's Eve I went to the capital to visit relatives and found myself on the train in the same compartment with a woman who is from a completely different city, but with whom we have many acquaintances at work. We talked until midnight. I was very surprised by this unexpected acquaintance, which can be useful to me at work. I thought how strange it was to be in the same carriage, the same compartment with her. And for myself, I concluded that we, people who are successful, are used to planning, calculating everything, we still cannot manage all events and circumstances. I took this as a sign that there is no need to worry about a future that has not yet arrived. And when you go somewhere, you cannot know what will happen, with whom fate can bring you. But, most importantly, do not get hung up on this and do not wait. With my husband, who now lives with his parents, sometimes there is closeness (he is the initiator), but this only brings disappointment, and I decided for myself that this will not happen anymore, that's enough, it hurts too much. Today is February 14, and I perfectly understand where he is and with whom. She was not a believer, she always counted on herself, her strength. I didn't know a single prayer. Now everything is different, only faith helps. Mentally I wish him and his passion well, I try to thank for the years spent together. I will not say that I am always in good shape, but, believe me, I have not found another better remedy, although I have read a lot of literature. Try to turn to God, maybe you can find solace. I really hope that the responses on the site will serve as a kind of impetus, thanks to which there will be a change in your attitude towards the situation that you have in your family. I read somewhere that a terrible ending is better than endless horror. It's true, it's better to break with hope and attachment than to wait and keep hoping. Forces for this go colossal, you walk all exhausted. Olga, hold on, now think only about yourself and the child! I wish you peace of mind. I hug you tightly!

Veronica, age: 31 / 14.02.2012

Hello dear Olga!
4 years is a very long time for you and your baby. It is necessary to say goodbye to the past, to the ex-husband in the soul, to forgive him, to let go internally. Your torment lasts so long because you believe in the arrival of your husband, make your plans for a life together.
But life has already changed. Now you and your baby are family. Stop crying so bitterly and torturing yourself, all this suffering worsens your health. And you need strength, health to raise a child. Children suffer greatly from our experiences, get sick because of this.
And you need to stop any intimate relationship with your husband. For your own sake.
And believe me, with a divorce, life does not worsen, it becomes different, meaningful, filled with happiness, miracles, joy.
Olechka, wish him happiness in your soul, light a candle for his health, let him go. Time really heals, but in your heart you have not said goodbye to him and have not forgiven him, do not wait for the return. Live your life, love the baby you abandoned because of dad. And you will be all right.
Peace of mind to you.

Lera, age: 39 / 14.02.2012

Your condition is very familiar! Only the wound is fresh. For six months I have been in a state of shock from the strength of mental pain due to a divorce. Olga, well done for holding on and continuing to work. But I want to tell you one thing - time does not heal, if you do not let your husband go. Until you let it go, time will really cripple you. And take away spiritual strength. 4 years is a very long time. I was even scared when I read that your condition lasts 4 years. It is better for you not to see your husband at all - he is now like a drug for you, preventing wounds from healing. You must tear it away from you. At any cost. Go to church, pray for God to take him away from you. They say hope dies last. No. We must kill her first! Put a point. Tell yourself: everything, the end, the case is closed. Let him be happy with the other, and I will be happy without him. Yes I know. It is unbearable. This is wild pain. Inhuman. But it must be experienced. Do it. For yourself. For the sake of your own future and the future of your child.

Anastasia, age: 02/27/2012

Hello Olechka! Well done for sharing your story. I want to tell you a little about my experience. There is something in common in it, but basically, of course, this is a big difference - and this is what ... I lived with my husband for 2 years, and our family also broke up in one quarrel. However, there were no children. And also for almost 4 years I live without it. And everything was wonderful in marriage (as it seemed to me)! It was then that I realized that in fact it was not "one quarrel" that separated us. But it is not important. Just by reading your story, I realized that I did the right thing, that not a day since the divorce, I did not think that we could be together. Although he offered to maintain an intimate relationship. But again, we didn't have kids and I didn't need to see him. You, Olya, just dragged on a period of balanced state. For these 4 years you lived in hopes. But now you definitely need to leave them, the ex-husband and his girlfriend (I mean leave alone and not torment yourself and him with thoughts about what it all cost and why). Yes, more time will pass until you learn to live without these thoughts, but with thoughts about the happiness and health of your child and your personal. There will be days when it will seem to you that everything has passed, there will be days when again you will feel powerless. But from the very day you leave your marriage in the past (but, of course, do not cease to perceive your ex-husband as the father of a child), your rebirth to a new life and happiness will begin. And about myself I can say that faith helped me. And mostly just her. And, of course, the support of loved ones. I also could not communicate with men at first and still do not have a beloved man. But I don’t want to howl at all, but I want to rejoice every day that I survived all this and now I breathe easily again, and the sun shines brightly again, and I want new days, meetings and everything that makes up our whole life! And further. For a long time I even regretted that we did not have children. Although I can imagine what it would be like for me with a child at first, it seemed to me that for the sake of the child I would have coped faster and stopped chewing on the past, and there would have been someone to love and care for. Everything Olya you will succeed! Just don't think about what others will say. Who knows what they have experienced in their lives and will continue to survive. Not everyone can understand everything. But loved ones will love in any circumstances. God's help!

Kalina, age: 27 / 14.02.2012

Olga, I understand you very well ... You write - you want to howl, scream, fight ... And these are my feelings too, how terrible I understand. He went nowhere, only the memories of 6 years of his life remained. Everything is right, you have to fight, take care of yourself, children, work, home. But it is not clear where to put all these 6 years?.. Where to put these memories of happiness and love. And you start to wait, invent, dream. And the more you wait and hope, the more you will fall when all these hopes collapse. The most important thing I learned from this site is to stop hoping and waiting! Necessary! You need to stop right away. Gone means gone. After all, a loving person will not leave, will not betray and will not leave. So it wasn't true love.
I am also alone, there is no one to cry and complain to, sometimes only to my mother, and even then she is already old for such experiences. So I endure and try to stifle my hope. It is most important. Sometimes I pray for almost the whole day (to myself, mentally) - and then it lets me go in the evening! A few days already, the main thing is never to give up.
And one more thing - we were lucky, because we still have CHILDREN! Children are a huge support! They have a huge power of love for us, the main thing is to let them reveal this love. And then it will become easier, then we will stop waiting for unnecessary people.

Natalia, age: 30 / 14.02.2012

Dear Olga, I am very sorry for you. You, such a rich woman - young!, healthy!, successful!, having a child! SPENT 4!!! years of God-given life to you for nothing.
Everything that the Lord sends us in life is a GIFT. We must learn to trust and rely only on Him. To be happy every minute no matter what. The fact that the Lord ALWAYS loves and cares for us is a sufficient reason for happiness.
Psychologists, priests, writers on this site talk about it.
I also went through pain, tears, insomnia when I found this site, after my husband left me.
And I am very grateful to God that he gave me such a test. And my husband in this test was a tool, not a "traitor". "It was from Me" - that's how I understood it. If not for this, I would have remained blind for a long time.
Julia, aged 27, writes about this in response to a letter dated February 13. Look, this is another experience.
Hold on, dear Olga! Before you is such an interesting way - LIFE! And you will never be alone, because GOD is with you. Always.
With love.

Galina, age: 52 / 02/15/2012

Olga, I want to write you a few words, although, probably, you have already been told all this more than once ... I am almost your age and I have a similar story with minor amendments - the divorce was 3.5 years old, my daughter was 4 when dad left us and also for the reason that it seemed to him that the family was no longer there, then she appeared, pregnancy and their wedding. At first, like you, I waited, hoping that there was passion and he would come to his senses, then my daughter and 7 years lived together. Only now I understand that this time simply disappeared from my life, I lived their life, I was interested in their relationship through mutual friends, I tried to prove that I was better, to him, to everyone, and above all, of course, to myself. Do not waste your life and youth on this, not only you are paying for this, but also your son, who is already having a hard time without a dad and still feels only half of his mother's care and attention. Are you entitled to this? For me, communication with my daughter has become a salvation: come up with something new every day for him and for yourself, take a walk, read, the children are very grateful and give us our love threefold. And a man will definitely appear in your life, but not before you let go of the former, finally leaving yourself no hope of returning. When you are ready for a new relationship, not so that he understands what he has lost, not in revenge, not for self-affirmation, but simply for himself, for the sake of his baby, who will need male attention. Try to keep contacts to a minimum, try not to find out anything about them, do not take him home, let him walk with the child in neutral territory, and try not to compare all the men who will appear in your life with him. This, no matter how painful, is simply necessary, like an operation for a malignant tumor. And the reward for victory over yourself will be your new life, where there is no place for the past.

Forget-me-not field, age: 02/29/2012

Olya, you definitely need to go to an Orthodox psychologist. Definitely. You yourself cannot cope now, 4 years have shown it. It is clear that you do not need to deal with your husband, but with yourself. Deal with yourself in order to stop leading a double life, in order to get rid of dependence on your ex-husband and dependence on people around you. You need to destroy the walls of the prison in which you yourself have put yourself, and open all the doors that you yourself have locked. You need to go free! Either a psychologist will painlessly help you now, or you will wait for extreme life circumstances. Choose...
Contact the administration or psychologists of this site (www.nelubit.ru), they can tell you who to contact at the place of residence, or they can help you via the Internet.
Freedom, happiness, independence, and a new bright life to you!

Vladimir, age: 39 / 15.02.2012

Dear Olya!
I really want to support you. It seems to me that your main problem is that you live in a divided world. You make too high demands on yourself. Do you think that relatives, colleagues will take you for a rag? No, it's not. You set these standards yourself. I think you just need to be who you really are. Don't blame yourself for being in love, for being dependent on your ex, for clinging to every opportunity. Recognize this fact. Don't be afraid to be weak. It takes too much effort to seem...
We also have a small city, and the story of the collapse of my family took place in front of everyone. I was not ashamed to show my pain. We have a female team, many have gone through this, they understand what it is like. My openness helped me get through the horror of the situation. I understand how important it is - public opinion. But, believe me, it is not right to pretend that everything is fine, because others feel that this is not so.
Probably, when you understand that society accepts you the way you are created (and I see a beautiful person), it will be easier for you to cope with addiction in your relationship with your husband.
Hugging you!

Alexandra (Light), age: 46 / 02/15/2012

Olga, hello!
You write that you have read many books, that you have created an outward image of a happy woman, but that in reality you are suffering in secret from everyone ... I.e. your life today is a lie. Why are you doing this?.. Please answer this question to yourself, only honestly.
It is difficult for us to realize this, but we ourselves choose what to feel ... Everything begins with a thought. Thoughts must be controlled. Through them, you will learn to control what you feel, and, therefore, the energy that you radiate into the world.
We attract like. This is one of the laws of life.
It seems so easy... yes, that's exactly what it is. All in your hands. Just make a choice to truly become joyful and happy, and not "for show" for relatives and friends... Make a choice for yourself and for your child. Gather your will into a fist! It is a sin to yearn for so long, a big sin, when you have been given so much, not to be grateful for it... Remember that we live in a wonderful, magical world where everything is possible! All that is required for a miracle to happen is to believe in it, and joyfully walk along your life Path.

Vesnyan, age: 29 / 15.02.2012

I've been living on this site for half a year now... I found it by accident 10 months after my divorce... I read stories, articles, responses, advice... So much grief, so much pain. She herself did not dare to write her own story, but I read yours and realized that everything was almost 100% accurate about me. About the fact that there was a separation a long time ago, and the wound still hurts; about the fact that I am trying with all my might to be strong - I am successful at work, I am balanced with my acquaintances; about the fact that for a long time she believed that the breakup was fixable (intimacy was with some enviable married regularity, plus joint walks with a child in the park for the weekend); and ... about the fact that it became a cold shower, that he hid all this for a long time, but he also built his life in parallel, because. it turned out that a serious relationship with the other ... for a long time and stable. Unfortunately, I can’t help you very much with practical advice, since I myself am exactly in a vicious circle ... I myself have nowhere to go with my pain (my mother died, and my friends don’t really want to bare their souls, it’s a shame). But I will only say one thing, that your BM (like mine), with all our love, is NOT a good husband and NOT a good father. If only because he is a big overplayed EGOIST. And an egoist can't be good... ever! Do you understand?! A good husband will not easily abandon his family, from the woman with whom he once decided to connect his life. A good father will never give up on a child, bringing him to stuttering with his act just for the sake of going to build his own life in the way that suits him. And no matter how often he comes to the child, no matter how much money he spends on him, no matter how he looks into your eyes with ostentatious tenderness and gratitude for all the past and experiencing for your peace of mind, this is nothing more than a subconscious feeling of guilt for his own inadequacy which has nothing to do with true love and responsibility for the health and well-being of your child. A GOOD husband and father would never do that. We must do our best to stop blaming only ourselves for everything, that such a good thing was not kept, not preserved. The family is a great work not only for wives, but no less for husbands.
May God give us strength, patience, humility to go our way to that wonderful moment for which the Lord leads us through such painful trials.
HOLD ON! I do not feel the strength, I just believe that we will all stand together! We can. We certainly can! We just don't have a choice...

Evgenia, age: 32/15.02.2012

Dear Olya! I understand your pain very much, as everyone who tells their stories on this site. I am much older (48) and my husband and I lived much longer (26 years). Nevertheless, I did not allow myself to waste the time allotted to me on the ethereal hope of reunion.
And you stop doing it! Yes, it hurts a lot, it’s impossible to breathe from the pain, sometimes you want to run somewhere, to someone for help, scream, just to ease your pain! Believe me, it passes, but you need to work on it. You have been given many recommendations. They all work, prayers are the best. It's really difficult, but possible. I know from my own experience. My story is only 9 months old, but I already live without pain, I find many positive moments in a new life. Of course, this was not given immediately and not easily, even from time to time resentment, and misunderstanding, and pity for the ex-husband rolls over. But I thank myself for being able to find the strength in myself not to get stuck in mourning and cut off all the ends at once, did not leave any bindings. And you torture yourself for so long! It seems to me that you first of all need to free yourself from other people's beliefs, learn to live with your heart. No matter what anyone says and thinks. This is your life. She is much more than one person. You have a child, you have parents, you have a family. And your husband turned out to be a transit passenger. Let him go his own way. He has his own path of spiritual growth, you have yours. Live life to the fullest.
We tend to idealize our husbands. "He is kind, he is good, he is loving," etc. and so on. When you move away from him, you will be able to see your husband as real, and not imagined by yourself. And you will understand that he is a weak, irresponsible, cowardly person. He will probably want to come back. But again, without any special obligations on their part. Do you need such a companion in life? These people have to go through a lot in order to change and grow. And if it's meant to be, it will happen. Maybe then a new real healthy relationship can be born between you. Or maybe you meet another person. But for this you need to prepare yourself for this meeting, recover, embellish your soul.
We must learn to wait, as fairy princesses waited. They believed that the prince would come and be sure to disenchant them, save them, but they did not suffer, they simply lived with this faith. I heard one saying - happiness will come and find it on the stove. What is destined will surely happen. You just don’t need to be inactive, you need to live, enjoy life itself, the fact that you are, your child is, thank God for this happiness given to you. God gives us what we are happy about, what we pay more attention to. We suffer - it will send suffering, we rejoice - there are more reasons for joy. Everything in this world is for us! Appreciate it and you will be happy. I wish you this with all my heart, Olenka!

Guzel, age: 48/15.02.2012

Hello Olya.
I have read your letter several times. I was, and am still in a similar situation. The subtleties are different, but the essence is the same. You cannot let go of your ex-husband for 4 years, but I let him go for 6 years ... You know, everyone hoped that he would see the light. As a result, she only made things worse for herself, her son, and her mother. I thought about him, about betrayal constantly. I twisted myself, and broke down on my loved ones - the most defenseless. The ones who loved me the most. The result of our family life with him - I was left with a 5-year-old son, with a not very healthy mother and with a very illusory hope for a prosperous future, because after giving birth I had a disease and became disabled. I blamed him for everything: in my condition, in the fact that my son developed nervous tics, in not wanting to pay real alimony, etc. And no matter what, I was ready to forgive and accept him back.
At some point, I nevertheless realized that my mother and my son are not eternal. That first of all I am with tantrums, depression - the reason for their unhappy life, tears, nervous tics, etc. I decided that if I had already given birth to a son, I would try to do everything so that he would see me happy. So that, looking at my life, he understands that in any state a person can be happy, that by choosing a family, we do not doom ourselves to eternal torment and suffering. Although the family is, of course, VERY hard work.
I came to this for a very long time - for six whole years ... But I'm so glad that now there are no malicious, angry, touchy thoughts about my son's father in my head. I am incredibly happy that I stopped blaming him for my problems, that I don’t hold a grudge against him, that I understand the impossibility of our joint future!
I couldn't have done it without God. At the most difficult moment - I came to church. (Imagine, I am so miserable, and the priest smiles at me ... I already left with a smile).
Olya, I hope that my story will help you look at the situation in a new way.
I really believe that everything will be fine with you!

nastyav, age: 02/32/2012

Olenka, dear!
Your story is touching...
4 years is certainly a long time. But you must understand one thing - you yourself have launched it so much that it is up to you whether you can get out.
Six months have passed since my breakup, but I remember the first months very well. This inhuman pain, misunderstanding of what is happening, these constant nervous breakdowns. Then, having found this site and reading stories and responses, I did not believe that such pain could ever go away. But now it's much easier. And I remember very well that it started to become easier only after I firmly decided for myself - EVERYTHING! I will not wait for his return! I want to get out of this! And since that moment, very little time has passed, but for me it is an eternity - I began to step away from this step by step in a variety of ways. First, stop going back to the past - try not to remember, not to think about what happened, not to look at old photos, etc. The first time it is simply necessary. All communication with BM for this period is also better to stop. Secondly, turn to God - pray, go to church and just believe in His power. It really helps, it just depends on how much you accept this help. Thirdly, do everything you can, find activities so that you have as little free time as possible. Read a lot - advice from psychologists, advice from people who have experienced it, and of course the Bible. There really are answers to all questions.
Here you write - you cannot live without it - it is not so. You have been living without it for 4 years, think what a huge period. You just don't want to believe that you are already WITHOUT HIM. He already has his own life, you need to realize this, you need to forgive him for everything and thank him for the fact that he WAS in your life.
Do not try to establish a personal life for the time being, you want everything at once - this does not happen. For now, just humble yourself, learn to let go, develop, get on your feet, only later, when you feel that it has passed, you will be able to take care of your personal life. For now, it doesn't make sense.
Understand that it is not love that speaks in you, it is pride, your wounded pride that speaks in you. How is it - they took MY, MY man got another. But, Olenka, he is not yours, he was with you, but he was never yours. He is a free man like any other. You have to admit it - you can't do without it. I myself could not admit to myself that I was actually suffering not from the fact that love had passed, but from the fact that my pride was hurt, that he did not want to go through life with me anymore. But he doesn't have to want it. It is really hard to realize, but it is when you feel it that you understand the unconditional nature of love.
Olga, I believe in you. You can do it! But for this you need to really want it!

Julia, age: 27/16.02.2012

Thanks to everyone who responded! Words cannot express my gratitude that I feel for all of you who responded, thanks and low bow to all of you, dear ones, for the words, kind words, support, this is now dearer to me than all the blessings on earth ... I took a sip of water after a withering heat... THANK YOU!
Has it become easier? a little... not for long... but it's already something... A ray of light flashed and went out in pitch darkness... But it was ALREADY... Will I be able to get out? I don’t know ... I’ll waste words even for you, who wrote a lot of good things for me and wished me (thank you!), I won’t, and I don’t want to lie to myself, all the more so to you ... I can say one thing for sure - I will try, I tried and tried my best all these 4 years (as I’m starting to understand now, that’s why I created a double life for myself - by this I thought that at least outwardly other people would not know about my collapse, about the collapse of my world and my experiences = weaknesses , which means that at least I won’t humiliate myself in front of them, because there is someone to do it in full measure) - for the sake of my son, first of all ... for my mother ... for the sake of the dearest creatures that the Lord gave me in this life ... But it hasn’t worked out yet and it still doesn’t work out ... But I hope ... I try ... I’m glad and it seems that I haven’t fully realized the joy that I feel from having found this site ...
P.S. Every day, as it gets really bad, I re-read all your messages with wishes of good and peace to me and my son, and it becomes a little easier, no, I’m lying, it’s not easier, but it’s just easier to breathe ... THANK YOU, MY DEARS!

Olga, age: 31 / 16.02.2012

Dear Olga. You need to be an active participant in your life. God gave us freedom, and even He does not encroach on it, why do we give it to the evil one with our own hands, why do we ourselves kill our souls, why do we run away from our being at the speed of light, why do we drown out the knock of God in our hearts?! When we feel bad - it seems to be because of a divorce, because of illness, because of failures, because of poverty, because of the loss of loved ones, because of the economic crisis and complete devastation ... But this is all a hoax. This is the age of deceit, and the evil one uses all these situations to explain the cry of our soul, to drown out how our soul misses God, for that joy that exists only in God. It’s hard to understand this, it’s very hard, and it was even harder for me for almost 10 years of deceit, betrayal, fornication, self-deception ... Even now, when I’m already married, every quarrel seems to me a collapse, betrayal and inattention of my husband. But somewhere inside, a voice tells me that no, these are all the antics of demons, that it is their task to quarrel, bring to despair, and even better, so that a person does something with himself. And I understand that without God's help we can do NOTHING. We must pray and ask for strength for life, for love, for humility, and for the Lord to show us His will.
And why not now, when it has become unbearable, when your soul hurts so much - do not turn to God and ask God to give you strength and words to talk with your husband. Pray that God will do and arrange everything according to His will, and not according to yours. Pray with all your heart. And talk to your husband in the words that will be, about what is in your soul, without hiding or embarrassed. And accept his answer with humility and trust God. If there is no future for your relationship, then God has a different plan for you.

Save you Lord!

Julia S, age: 28 / 16.02.2012

Olga, hello!
You have a very beautiful Russian name. Me too - Tatyana. I am older now, but an experience similar to yours was experienced at your same age. That's why I'm writing how I got out of it.
I will probably surprise you very much if I write that the feeling you experience is NOT love!!! Yes Yes Yes! This is the hardest thing to understand. It took me more than (oh, horror!) 5 years!
I loaded myself up to 24 hours a day: work, courses, sports, communication at all sorts of necessary and unnecessary parties ... But ... every time I had at least a minute free, I thought about him. I even tried to cut my veins, fool! And now I remember him with gratitude. From the moment I solved this problem, I NEVER confuse true feelings with addiction again. This is a priceless gift that is worth many years of suffering. I bow to you for this, dear stranger. How did it happen? Of course, this is the question that interests you the most. I'm telling. The girls of our warehouse often keep a diary. If you don’t have it, it doesn’t matter, you can also verbally analyze how your life has changed over the past so many years. I sat down to make notes, re-read what I had written a year before, then another year, and another ... It became clear that there was nothing to write except for "see above". And I thought: “Tanya! For many years you have been writing only about how unhappy you are!!! Darling, change your mind! Why do you need this!? And I began to listen to myself. "Here he left - is it good for me without him? - NO!!! Duck, what kind of love is this??? I realized that I couldn’t cope, I went to a psychologist. I say: HELP! It’s bad without him, it’s bad with him! Save me me from him, I can’t handle it myself! The psychologist didn’t say anything special, and what could she say?! I said everything myself when I realized that it was just as bad with him as without him. For the latter, by the way, there are many objective reasons, such as a rival, for example. Literally in the next three days, I "met" the man of my life. In quotation marks, because he had been around for a year, we worked together. Only I "loved" another! Like a fool. I'm not talking about about how your child suffers from your mental "fixation" on "love" for his father.I write in quotation marks without any doubts, because LOVE NEVER CAUSES SUCH FEELINGS THAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCED NOW!!! Trust me, I've been through it. And you will pass. And you will be grateful to him for leaving and giving you the opportunity to be happy. Good luck, my dear Olya. Everything depends only on your desire to part with such habitual suffering - dying for the sake of a new happy life for yourself and your baby.

lilit , age: 43 / 02/17/2012

Olya, can I ask you something? Are you a believer? Do you feel the presence of God in your life?
Because if you start to feel his presence, you are not alone. And it doesn’t matter at all how your ex-husband builds his life. Well, he betrayed you, betrayed his son. So, I could, crossed, made my choice. Let him go his own way. And your track turned the other way. I remember my feeling of terrible pain, from which I was saved by continuous reading of prayers. And there were falls, breakdowns, tears from scratch - but how! But while reading prayers, especially prayers of thanksgiving, I felt peace. And until now, if despondency and despair rolls over, I know how to deal with it: “Grateful are your unworthy servants, Lord, for your great blessings on us who were. slavishly with love we cry out to You: Our Benefactor, our Savior, glory to Thee. What this sad state fears most of all is this prayer. Thanks to God for everything, even for your tears, insults and slander of loved ones. Read it every evening, every morning, memorize it. Try not to return evil for evil, if you can - do good, if you can't - at least don't do evil.
Do not make an idol out of your husband. Weak person. I could not become a good husband - BUT HE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO IT ANYWAYS. Do you understand? Don't wait for it. In any case, he could not give you what you expect from him. Man is weak. And I am weak, and many other people are weak, and we all hurt loved ones, and the closer we are to a person, the more we can hurt him. Be grateful for the good that other people give you, and do not be offended by the inevitable evil. Because you could, perhaps, someday hurt someone.
Find the icon of the royal family, and when you remember that you and your son were betrayed, look into their eyes. And remember that they were betrayed by the whole people, whom they cared about, for whom they prayed, for whom they accepted a terrible death. All of their children were sent to their deaths. What were they betrayed for?
Find a biography of St. Rev. Martyr Princess Elizabeth, look at how she responded to the evil that other people inflicted on her. Walk towards the light. Don't expect miracles of virtue from your ex-husband. Look at yourself. Hold on.
You know, your despair and sorrow will pass, believe me, I speak from my own experience. The time will come when it will become easier for you, when you turn to yourself, set yourself new tasks, and begin to solve them. And at some point you will say: how good, Lord, that you did this! Thanks to this, I saw my own shortcomings and mistakes, and now I can start correcting them. Yes, if the family survived, it would be better. But the Lord can bring a person out of any situation to the light. Trust him. And you will definitely feel better. Do not be angry at me. Run to the temple!

Growing up, age: 36 / 18.02.2012

You know, I had a similar condition.
Your problem is that you have hidden the pain inside, your pride is afraid that you will appear weak. That's why it won't let you go...
Announce to the whole world that you are suffering, share your grief - and in time it will pass.
In addition, try to establish a strong trusting relationship with at least someone.

Christina, age: 02/22/2012

Olga.
1. Love yourself and the whole world will be at your feet: for this, be irresistible and forget about the guilt about this whole situation.
2. The more you grieve and worry, the less likely it is that everything will work out. Finally, look at the situation soberly... and if he returns, he will constantly go to the left... do you need it??? The fact that you lament is worse only for you and your baby. Love yourself, accept and let go of this situation, wish him happiness, calm down and everything will work out.
3. Tell me, Olga, do you deserve such a life? So choose a different one. The main thing is to accept the situation, treat it calmly and not wish him harm. AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.
Olga, I myself experienced a similar situation, and I myself stayed with the child - it was not two years old. SUCH MEN DO NOT WORTHY OF US. You understand, another life awaits you, undoubtedly a better one. So to begin with, prepare to accept happiness and do not delay the moment with your despondency. Remember, it is not in vain that despondency is a sin!

happy, age: enough / 20.02.2012

Olya, when my husband left me a year ago (December 31), I sat, swallowing tears, snot, in such a stupor that I was not even able to set the New Year's table ... My twenty-year-old son came up to me, put his hand on my shoulder and said: "Mother, don't cry, I'm with you, YOU HAVE ME! And let him roll, no one will need him later." Then they doused me with a cold shower. Now they ask him "grandmothers, aunts, uncles", do you like your mother's new husband? To which he replies: "If only she was happy." And I'm happy because I have such a son! And men... A HOLY PLACE IS NOT EMPTY! Up your nose, Olya.

El , age: 40 / 02/22/2012

Olga, you are still so young. You are 31 years old, for me life has just begun at that age. Forget this person, try to stop communicating with him. At first it will be hard, but very soon you will realize that you have wasted so much time in vain, grieving about him. God help you!

Tusya, age: 46/02/22/2012

Dear Olenka! I want to ask you, why do you hate yourself so much? Why, why all these tortures on yourself because of a person who is not able to appreciate your love? And on the other hand, ask yourself honestly the question: DID I LOVE HIM or DO I LOVE HIM NOW? We, women, very often confuse the concepts of love and affection, for some reason we believe that if a man lives with us or lived for some time, then he surrendered to us into slavery. But this is not so, no one belongs to anyone, we come into this world alone and leave alone. What we think of as love is not love. Love is, by definition, that you simply love a person as yourself, forgive him everything, accept him as he is, regardless of what decision he made: to be with you or not. This is love in my understanding, everything else is our desires; in this case, your desire and the desire of your husband diverged. So what's going on? From the fact that you inspire him with a sense of guilt in his act, he will not become closer to you, but rather move away from you because you remind him of the bad deed that he committed. And in no case can you get attention from a man through a child. Do you know, Olenka, how many childless women live on earth who dream that God would send them a baby, and He would give you this miracle, and what are you doing? You, bathing in your emotions and resentments, do not notice all the beautiful things associated with your baby. Instead of enjoying every minute, you are eating yourself and ruining your baby. Come to your senses! You have a wonderful baby, and most importantly, really true love awaits you ahead, but first you need to love yourself sincerely, disinterestedly, then understand that love is a divine feeling, and it has nothing to do with resentment, anger, disappointment , despondency, jealousy ... And I assure you, life will turn to you the other side. Rejoice in life, health, a child and carry a piece of God in you. First of all, forgive all the offenses against your husband, let him go, wish him sincere happiness with his new woman and believe that he will let you go and God will take care of you. You know, if your husband is given to you by God, then he will be with you. Perhaps he just needs to go through a certain experience so that he can appreciate you, and if not, then no matter what happens, he will still not be with you, then the question is why are you wasting your strength in the void? I sincerely wish you to find yourself and remember: nothing is given just like that.

Galina, age: 37/02/22/2012

Olga! You are a brave woman! Listen to what people write to you. Look into the eyes of your child, he needs your protection and support, he is still so small. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get yourself in order and continue to live here and now!

Eva, age: 54/02/22/2012

You will definitely be fine! Ask the Lord for help... He will not leave anyone! God bless you!

Julia, age: 32 / 24.02.2012

Olga, my name is Eleanor. Calculated Vysh "Scream". The cry of your soul. How can I understand you! We lived for 25 years. They really wanted a second child, but nothing worked. My son was 20 at the time. Now he is 23 years old. Loved each other. I probably have more. The husband is a tough man. Has always been in power, it leaves its mark. He drank a lot, and when he came home he could humiliate me, my son. Verbally, but after that I asked for forgiveness, I forgave because I loved. I loved, I forgave, I endured. He didn’t take me anywhere, he went everywhere alone. And I sat at home, took care of myself, my son, took care of the figure. He had his own business, 2 times, he closed it, for various reasons. As a result, 3 years ago, after the New Year, he said that I was no longer his wife and we would not live together. I thought life had stopped! I didn't want to live! Didn't understand why? For what? And then there were 2 years of hell! He lived with us in the same apartment, did not talk to me or to his son. He communicated with me only in a drunken state, and I was glad of that! We have been building a house for 10 years. We dreamed of living there together. The house is big. Friends were very happy for us. And when everything was done for him there for life, he hastily packed his things and left! At first it was even easy, there were no humiliations, insults, but at times it will come so strongly that even a howl! Memory, accursed memory... But nothing, you have to live! Found a good job. Working with people. I realized that people appreciate and respect me. It helps a lot. There is no man in my life yet, probably, I have not yet freed my heart from my husband, so the Lord does not give another. Olya, truth, case very hard! But I understood one thing. The Lord gave me life and I have one! And I must live it beautifully and for the benefit of my loved ones, for my friends, for the people with whom I intersect in life. Don't live HIS life! Believe me, HE will not appreciate it! He will only laugh at you, sorry! And further. I love the poems of Nikolai Aseev. This is my favorite excerpt.
Honey, you are not dear to me at all.
They are not cute.
Protecting the heart from longing,
Teeth clenched, they are silently forgotten!
Let's just rephrase cute. Olenka, clenching their teeth, they are silently forgotten!!! I have no doubt that you are a wonderful person! Beautiful woman, young, smart! Everything will be fine! Never doubt it!!! And bite into this life! She is beautiful and amazing, no matter what! Good luck to you, Happiness and LOVE!

Eleonora, age: 46 / 02/25/2012

Hello Olga! What an interesting thing - life! You ask for help, and your letter helped me, I can’t really explain what exactly, but it was as if someone hit me on the head and I saw everything in a different light. I also could not forget him for 4 years. But in my case, this is simply absurd - in these 4 years I have never seen him, so we corresponded a couple of times about little things and we didn’t even live together, it was just great love and passion. And here I am - a successful, beautiful girl, finally found the man of her dreams, whom she had always dreamed of ... live and enjoy life! And I am drawn to the former, and I dream about him, and I think every day ... some kind of direct attack. I understand that I need to let go and live a new life, a new relationship. BUT HOW? But I read your letter and responses and realized ... letting go does not mean that you will never see each other again or erase each other from life forever or indifference or negativity will remain forever, this option is hard to understand. On the contrary - leave tenderness in your soul, thank you for happy moments and go your own way. In the soul, he will remain yours, those memories of the year. And if suddenly fate decides to push you again, you can talk to him with an open mind, laugh, because once he was a loved one. And now he is a stranger, why do you need a strange man? You do not miss him, but for beautiful memories, you want them to be repeated ... Olga, if after so much time you haven’t let go, then you still need it, you need your personality, soul ... Try to understand yourself, delve into your soul, have a dialogue with your heart. Just pay attention not to external factors - who he is with, how he is ... but to the voice of your heart. What does he lack? Have pity on him, heart, like a little child, perhaps you lacked complicity and pity. Good luck Olga! I keep my fingers crossed for you!

Mariska Peter, age: 28 / 27.02.2012

Olga, I am also 31 years old, I have a daughter. He left after a quarrel, I thought he would return, but no ... he went nowhere, 2 years there is a divorce ... when I see him, my heart stops, and he is indifferent. Just erased from life, as if we were not there ...
What to do? To live for the sake of the child is the whole truth.

Nastya, age: 31 / 03/03/2012

Hold on, life is known in the new, my husband also left me, I realized that I need to look for another man, be strong, your baby, you will help yourself, I wish you happiness! May luck always accompany you and your wishes come true!

Marina, age: 44 / 12/20/2012

Good night! You know, my husband recently left me with a small child (9 months) in his arms, I was left all alone ... I don’t want to live ... I’m already crying all over, I’ve lost a lot of weight ... I love my husband very much , and his feelings cooled, one day he just took it and left ... I don’t know how to live on, I do everything on the machine ... I understand you like no one else .. They say time heals .. We are strong women, and we will survive everything! Hold on , soon everything will be fine! Regards Olya!

Olya, age: 02/24/2013

Olga, dear, how are you? Lord, I understand you so much!!! Pretty, but how sorry for the children? Like a tester for them! For men! Lord, God give you strength, patience, all the best! The post is old, I see, 2 years already, but sorry, I could not help answering!!! Be happy!

Christina, age: 20 / 08/05/2014

Dear Olga! As a woman who survived a divorce after 16 years of only legal marriage, I can say that there is only one recipe: to kill the hope of his return in yourself, to delete him from your life to the maximum. It took me 4 years, I am older, there will be no more family, of course, if I still remain in a sober mind and a solid memory, and therefore I am surprised why such a young woman cannot survive a divorce for so long. Of course, it’s hard to erase an ex-husband from life if the child is small, but you can somehow arrange it so that he sees the child not in your presence, maybe with your mother, another relative, girlfriend, etc. No calls on other topics, except for the child, any communication should be excluded as much as possible. Of course, each person argues from his own bell tower, so I think, no matter how unpleasant it may sound for you now, your child’s stuttering is your area of ​​​​responsibility, dad has retired, you need to pull yourself together for the sake of the child, he sees your condition, maybe maybe you allow yourself in his presence to say that dad left you with him, and children tend to shift such responsibility onto themselves, blame themselves for the fact that mom and dad no longer live together. The child feels bad precisely because of your condition, but he has nothing to do with it at all, you quarreled with your ex-husband. My child has always been the main thing that I was there, the rest is not so important) Immediately stop following his life! This is pure masochism! Please listen to my advice, maybe it will help you. It helped me so much that I now counted on the calculator how many years I lived with him) and I counted not from the moment my husband left, but from the moment I moved into the apartment in which I now live, it so coincided that it happened almost simultaneously , and I remember the year of marriage because of the date of birth of the child) I’ll tell you more, I won’t recognize his voice on the phone if he happens to call and nothing erupts) And about the fact that I won’t have a family with anyone else , - this is not because there is no one for anyone, I just don’t want to, I tried freedom, as they say. I am now grateful to my ex-husband for my son, for the way I live now) Do not cling to the past, it has passed, and thank God, it will be better ahead if you make room for this in your soul, in your life.

Nora, age: 45 / 11/10/2017

Previous request Next request

The universal law consists of one simple wisdom - do not do bad things to others, so that they do not do bad things to you, but you can safely add "And so as not to worsen your karma" to this.

One of the worst karmic deeds is betrayal - the karma of a man who left his family is very negative, because he caused a woman a lot of pain and suffering. And therefore, retribution for such an indecent act will inevitably overtake him, moreover, when everything seemed to have been forgotten long ago - such are the laws of the world.

What is karma when a husband betrayed?

“The laws of karma (unlike legislation) cannot be circumvented. If you try to evade karmic obligations, they will overtake you and force you to fulfill your duty in a tougher and even; ugly form. You will suffer, but the Universe will force you to put out the energy that it needs in its Great Development (but if your soul is in harmony with its karmic tasks, then most likely you will be happy) ”

The meaning of the family is to protect each other, to give their love and kindness, to continue the family in an atmosphere of comfort and spiritual harmony. This is one of the main tasks of any person. Alas, modern life leaves its mark - now it has become fashionable to leave your wife with small children, not really care about the feelings of a once close person, wave your hand at everything and think only about yourself.

But, according to karmic laws, such an act is completely negative, it greatly worsens the karma of a man, and also deprives him of the opportunity to be loved in the future.

In general, a person’s karma is made up precisely of his actions - good ones improve the aura, make our fate cleaner and happier, but bad actions entail cruel retribution and life lessons that will have to be worked out and learned against one’s will.

Since in marriage a man takes on the role of a breadwinner and a strong side, a great responsibility is placed on him. The current gentlemen do not always cope with this and prefer to simply run away, leaving the woman alone, without help and support.

That is, men personally deny their direct mission to be the protection and head of the family. The universe reads this and ... really deprives a man of all his advantages, and sometimes even sexual power.

“The karma of a man in the most general terms is the opportunity and obligation to be a creator, builder, mover of humanity. A man actively breaking through the darkness of the unknown is a fighter, an invader of new spaces, new knowledge, new perfection. He is a Man, and much can be forgiven for him. The karma of a woman is to be everything that will provide a Man (and Mankind) with movement, development, construction and perfection. Apparently, this task is a little more difficult, so a woman was initially given a little more of everything: a little more opportunities and a little more responsibilities, a little more potential strength and a little more problems, a little more intuition and a little more tests for the soul.

From the book "Karma of a woman, karma of a man"

The karma of those men who abandon their young children is especially vilified - such an offense will entail a real retribution, which cannot be got rid of. Not only does a man leave his family, he deprives the defenseless creature of his love and care, literally refuses him, although he himself gave birth to him.

The more suffering and pain such an act brings to loved ones, the more powerful the karmic retribution will be. The suffering of small children completely denigrates her to such a state that sometimes she has to pay karmic bills in subsequent lives.

The whole horror of this is that the child cannot imagine why his father left him, he considered him something permanent, one of the closest people, and therefore the sudden father's departure forever distorts the fate of the child.

It is for this reason that many of those who abandoned their families lead by no means a happy life in the future, and this only gets worse over the years, grows - karma comes into play. Men leave for a variety of reasons, but if this departure was not motivated by weighty arguments (for example, if the wife cheated or treats her husband badly), then this will certainly worsen karma.

Although many representatives of the stronger sex sincerely believe that this is their personal right: if I want, I get married, if I want, I get divorced. But it's not. You have no right to take responsibility for another person and create an alliance with him, in order to end up just destroying him and leaving your partner alone with his pain.

If you are not ready to be with one woman all your life, give birth to children and put them on their feet, taking care of them, then it’s better not to start a family.

“The karmic task of a man is the mastery of the World, the divine penetration of the soul into the densest matter of the Universe. A man explores new lands and spaces. He boldly ventures into the unknown. On the territory reclaimed from Eternity, he builds beautiful castles and nurtures sprouts that will nourish new generations of builders and explorers. He is a doer and creator. And it doesn’t matter what a man does: he sows bread, builds cities and ships, discovers new laws of the physical world or the subtle world of the human psyche, improves technologies, provides people with the comfort of earthly existence, etc. - the main thing is that he does it as can be more thorough. Everything that a man builds should serve the Harmony of the World. And if this is so, then the man fulfills his main karmic task. He is an activist. He is a ray of sunshine penetrating the dense matter of our world. He fills with the light of reason everything he touches. He is a logician. He cognizes the laws of Nature and puts them at the service of reason. He tames a wild beast named Chaos, he puts things in order in life. He is the creator and builder

From the book "Karma of a woman, karma of a man"

In fact, this quote makes it clear how far modern men are from their primary task, from their own essence. Denying his main tasks and his destiny, a man seems to send a signal into space: “I don’t want to be a man, I don’t like it, I can’t cope with my earthly duties.”

In the future, the fate of the one who abandoned his family and caused her a lot of pain is completely unseemly: many of those who abandoned their wives and children begin to drink, slide down the slope. They seem to have no place in this world, they begin to have difficulties with work, difficulties in the sexual sphere and in their personal lives. This is karma.

Does a wife feel the pain of an abandoned husband: a woman's karma

“A woman herself is called to give birth to life, apparently, therefore, all the contradictions of life are concentrated in her literally in a hypertrophied form! Men do not dream of such problems even in a nightmare.

From the book "Karma of a woman, karma of a man"

In fact, women now leave at least as often as men. And although the fair sex does not have such amazing karmic tasks as a man, there still remains something that negatively affects female karma - this is the pain and moral torment that the abandoned man experiences.

Naturally, even after the cooling of the former feelings or their disappearance, people for some time remain still connected with each other by invisible threads. Many women ask - can an ex-wife feel the feelings of an abandoned spouse? Here everything is individual, because spiritual development and esoteric abilities are different for all of us.

If the love between you was strong, and you are good at understanding people, you have some gift from nature, then you will feel vague experiences at a time when the abandoned man will suffer most acutely. For other women, this goes completely without a trace: they do not feel anything or are even in a kind of euphoric state from their newfound freedom.

But do not forget about karmic retribution - if you left a man who did not deserve such a fate, then you doomed yourself to work it out in later life.

In addition, such actions have a reverse, mirror side - according to the teachings of karma, after a while the same evil that you caused someone in the past will await you. But only amplified several times so that you repent of your deed and understand what pain you made the betrayed side feel.

“And the woman? The woman herself is like a part of matter, a part of the divine Nature, which is touched by a sunbeam. In any case, she is closer to matter and therefore can help a man understand matter, or rather, feel it. A wise woman is like a conductor helping a male ray of light to penetrate into the very depths of matter. It is like a lens that can scatter a beam that is too hard, soften its radiance, or, on the contrary, can collect, concentrate a ray of male light for more subtle and precise work. We can say that a woman is a cell of the body of the Primordial Deity. She is intuitive and sensitive. A man is a spark of the Divine Mind, striving to realize his body.

From the book "Karma of a woman, karma of a man"

It can be concluded that a man cannot have a full life without a woman, just like vice versa. Initially, both of these matters - male and female, are designed to merge together, this allows the couple to achieve unprecedented success, support each other in everything and create an ideal family lifestyle in which everyone feels good and comfortable.

When a woman leaves a man, she also deprives him of an important part, without which it becomes very difficult for him. To some extent, the departure of a wife from the family can break the future life of an abandoned spouse if he loses strength and faith in himself.

And in this case, alas, the karma of the ex-wife or companion will also worsen. After all, each of us has quite obvious tasks in this world, and an unjustified separation can cause acute pain comparable to physical pain - as if a piece of the body was cut off from a person alive. And this, of course, is a bad karmic act.

For this reason, the karma of a man who left his family and the karma of a woman who left her companion are in many ways similar. And it would be wrong to believe that a woman will have to pay less on karmic debts in the future, and a man more. Here, rather, it plays the role of secondary factors - for example, the weak half of humanity prefers to leave their husbands only for good reasons - when the husband cheats, drinks or is engaged in assault.

Naturally, in such situations, there is no need to talk about any karma, the man deserved it. But the stronger sex is more often guided by a base instinct - to leave the family, because it's hard, because the children interfere with the career, because the wife's figure has deteriorated and she has ceased to be beautiful. And it is in such cases that we begin to talk about betrayal, about a bad deed and that a person will face karmic retribution.

Hello readers. The current topic will be discussed now. What to do if the husband left with two children? A very sad situation comes out when a man leaves and leaves you alone with two small children. Despite the psychological severity of the situation, a single mother has to wonder where to get money in order to be able to provide for herself and her children. A man can feed you with promises that he will financially help, fully provide for children. How long will this support last? Usually, support stops when he meets a new passion and ends completely if he starts a new family life. All his finances go to provide for the current family and children. He won't need you. Promised and left.

Threw with the kids

I think the main difficulty of the situation is the test of stress for children. For kids, the departure of a father from the family is a strong blow to the child's psyche. We all experience unpleasant moments from time to time. The main thing is to understand that everything in our life is solvable. You can find out how to survive a divorce with your husband.

At first, you can give yourself slack and cry. Now, it is the very situation in which the release of emotions is justified and you should not suppress these feelings in yourself. Your crying will help to remove the accumulated negativity and pain of experiences a little. You need to clear your mind of unpleasant emotions as soon as possible by any means. Do not keep all the pain in yourself, give it a splash.

Free your head? Clever, move on to the next step. Gather your strength and get ready to move on. Do not drag out the experience over time. If you delay, you will sink into depression, and it will be much more difficult to get out of it. Think about your children, they look at their mother and empathize with her. You have to become stronger for them.

How to live on

We remove the panic

Children are not a problem, they are your family. They are the very force that will help you move on. You will move mountains for them. Your first priority is to find a job. If you are not given the opportunity to leave the children with someone in order to find a full-fledged job. Try to search the Internet for remote earnings. Now this is a pretty relevant opportunity for part-time work. At one time, left alone with a child in my arms, I maintained the pages of Instagram accounts and set up targeted advertising. Therefore, I say with confidence that you can earn money on the Internet while sitting at home with children in your arms. It's better than being without money and crying into your pillow.

Support of loved ones

Now is the time to seek support from family and close friends. Don't be ashamed and don't hesitate to ask for help. We are all human and can understand the situation. Now the main thing for you is to stand on your feet in what is happening.

Alimony request

Beloved went to another, and forgot about you and the children? Remind him that the kids want to eat. Let him pay child support. Also, if the child has not reached the age of 3, alimony is relied on for the maintenance of the ex-wife. You can learn more about this.

Negotiation

The break has occurred. We need to solve problems. Since you are the wallpaper parents of common children, you need to solve a few questions:

1. Who will the children live with?
2. Days and times of meetings with children;
3. The amount of alimony for children and spouse, if one of the children is less than 3 years old.

These are the main 3 questions. If you cannot resolve them yourself, go to court.

When the financial part has been sorted out, we turn to the moral. If you still have feelings for a man, you can try to restore a relationship with him. You can find out how to do this. Again, it all depends on your feelings and mental state. If there was no betrayal, and the gap was due to nonsense. In no case do not try to manipulate with the help of children. This will only make the situation worse.

self-control

In a breakup, the blame lies with both partners. Don't blame yourself or him. A man, because of his increased importance, will expect you to ask him to return, no matter what. Don't let him see it.

Show him that you can handle the situation. His departure did not affect your life. I understand that it will be difficult, but you can handle it! And not only will you succeed, but you will be happy.

take care of yourself

It's time to take care of yourself and your children. It's time to restore your life and improve your life. You should already deal with the financial component for the maintenance of yourself and children. If the husband expresses a desire to see the kids, give him such an opportunity. The more loyal you are to him, show how well things are with you, that you are constantly positive. The husband may want to support you financially on his own initiative, even to return to you.

Time for yourself is vital to relax and stay positive. If you are having difficulty with this, seek the help of a psychologist. Set aside at least one hour a day for yourself. This will help you in your recovery. Over time, you will begin to sincerely enjoy life again. Subsequently, you will have new interests, goals.

• Emotions have accumulated, if you want to cry, cry. Through tears, you get rid of negative emotions and reduce feelings of pain and disappointment;
• Don't suppress resentment. Experiencing stress is normal. Suppression of resentment will not give you the opportunity to move on, as it will accumulate and absorb you more and more;
• Find the means to support yourself and your children. Request alimony from your husband;
• Do not rush to resume communication with your husband. Make contact with him when you reason adequately, without being exposed to emotions;
• Build friendships with your husband. This is necessary for your children and it will be easier for you to receive material support from him;
• Make time for your loved one. This time will help get rid of stress, bring your emotional background and mental state back to normal;
• Prove to yourself that you are the means to a happy life! Children are your motivation and support.

Girls, life doesn't end there. I went through a divorce myself. My husband left me with a small child in his arms. Now I am in a new marriage. I survived this period, met a new husband and gave birth to another small miracle. I assure you from my own experience. You can find your happiness even after a divorce. If there are people among you who have good and practical advice on this topic, I will be glad to read in the comments.

You must have heard the story of how a man left a woman with a child, leaving for another. This is a fairly common case that occurs quite often. Perhaps you also encountered such a situation, and now you cannot understand what exactly your mistake was. Are men really more likely to leave women with children? Is there any pattern? You will learn about this in this article.

Why are women with children more often abandoned?

1. He doesn't know how to take responsibility for his actions.. Unfortunately, the situation when a man is looking for love for one night is quite common, and sometimes a woman does not even realize how seriously a particular person takes her.

It is possible that feelings flared up in him and quickly passed, and closeness led to the birth of a child. At some point, the man realizes that now he must behave like an exemplary father, raise a child and provide for his wife, but he was not ready for this, so he decides to leave. The act of a really weak person, but sometimes it is impossible to change something in such a situation.