1. Hello. The story is probably like many others. My husband and I lived together for 25 years. Four children, a son died four years ago. But three daughters remained. The eldest got married, and the husband is a good guy, but from Lugansk, a refugee and there are a lot of problems with documents. The middle one finished college and immediately entered the university, but the youngest daughter will be three years old in two weeks.

So, I separated from my husband, I endured drinking and beatings for a long time, how much they treated him, how much they coded him, all to no avail. But the worst thing is that he kicked us out of the house and brought another woman. The apartment that was inherited is a two-room apartment (Khrushchev). It had to be sold, because he still came drunk and rowdy, it was a shame for the neighbors.

We sold it and bought a house in the Orekhovo-Zuevsky district, away from our ex-husband (he himself is in Kratovo), so that he would not find us. So, because My youngest daughter is small, only I can take her to kindergarten and pick her up, hence the problems with work. In the kindergarten, places for nannies are filled and they are not hiring. I do separate part-time jobs. But these are pennies, debts accumulated, I slowly paid them back.

Recently it turned out that my ex-husband had accumulated debts in my name and collectors began calling me. Of course, no one is interested in any explanations, and this is understandable to those who need it. But I no longer have enough strength and money to pay. Winter is coming soon, and the children need firewood and clothes.

Maybe this doesn’t seem like a problem for some, but I’m already exhausted. It’s very embarrassing, but please, I would like to pay off all the debts, and I will return the money. At least with interest, but at least for one person, not “fifteen.” Please, in case anyone can help. Card 4276400048619721. If necessary, I can meet in person, here is my email, write, we’ll set up a meeting, even at my home [email protected].

My husband robbed me completely by withdrawing my last savings from the card

2. Help, I beg you! She is from the village, a single mother, three children. I found myself in a terrible situation, I just don’t want to live. A year ago my mother died (there are no relatives except her). After that, my husband robbed me completely, withdrawing my last savings of 40,000 rubles from the card. I myself have a higher education, but because of his behavior they won’t hire me anywhere, my friends and neighbors have turned away. Sometimes we don’t see bread for weeks. Creditors began to press, because no one canceled the debts. Lord, I’m just in despair, help, I beg you! I just have nowhere to turn, I’m very ashamed, but I don’t see any other way out. Card number 5452 9310 0551 0787.

Help me get out of debt and get back on my feet

3. Hello, I found myself in a difficult life situation. She grew up in a poor family until she was 14 years old, and eventually became an orphan. The remaining relatives immediately turned away. I stayed on the street, survived as best I could, they didn’t take me to an orphanage, why I don’t know, there is no housing after my relatives. She got married, but divorced her husband when he got drunk. I have a daughter, she goes to school, and her ex-husband rarely pays child support. To send my daughter to school, she has to take out loans.

Money is very difficult, my salary is 15,000 rubles, I pay 10,000 rubles for an apartment. A lot of debts need to be paid off. Good people, I ask you for help, please help me get out of debt and get back on my feet. The account number where donations can be transferred is 4817 7600 6411 3065.

The most common problem in relationships is that a woman does not know how to ask. The reasons may vary. The most frequently voiced ones are:

• It's beneath my dignity
• If he loves you, he'll figure it out himself
• I'll do better myself
• I don't want to depend on anyone
• He still doesn't respond to my requests.
• I don't want to be humiliated
• I can do it myself

Here they will also remember Ranevskaya about halves, which only exist in the brain and the fifth point, and a bunch of other modern humor. But what is really at the root of women depriving themselves of help? Various beliefs and situations in the past, as well as our characteristics of character and behavior:

• The belief that men are the same as women. Therefore, they must have the same sensitivity to notice, see, evaluate and independently offer help
• A family situation where the mother did everything herself - and this is exactly what she taught her daughter
• Family difficulties, when mom was too dependent on dad and suffered greatly from this (the husband drank, beat, was a despot)
• Pride. It is she who suggests that the one who asks becomes lower and worse.
• Negative experience when he did not respond to requests
• Formulating a request in such a way that it only causes protest in a man

But what is actually right? Is it right to think that we are all the same? That a man should be not only a breadwinner and a wall, but also a psychologist and telepath? Let's remember that men are built differently. There are a number of rules that will help you learn how to ask a man. We learned this during the course - and quite successfully. I still receive letters of gratitude for this very activity.

The rules are:

0. Be sure to ask for help.
He is not a telepath, he does not know how to guess - such a skill can develop after 10 years of family life (or earlier, if you are lucky). But until then, he needs to indicate that you need something. Women are designed in such a way that they become women on their own. They can become bad women, sub-women, so-so women... But in order for a man to become a man, he needs male education, communication with other men and... Take responsibility for someone!

If we cannot influence the first point in any way (our man has already been brought up somehow), we can influence the second point only indirectly - let him go to friends, encourage this communication. The third point is our zone of influence. We must become exactly the woman who needs his care and attention. Within it, we must evoke the main feeling - the desire to take responsibility for us. This is what requests are for.

When a woman doesn’t ask, it feels like she can do everything herself. She is strong and self-sufficient. Why then anyone or anything else? The man feels unnecessary and unimportant. And it degrades. He begins to engage in all sorts of nonsense, picks up harmful hobbies, and leaves the family. Because one of the basic needs of men is to be needed. And to feel this, he needs super-important tasks to uncover his Superman cape.

Therefore, this is not our whim, not something unnecessary. This is a mandatory point for the formation of masculine qualities in our man. And this is only one side of the issue. And the second side is no less important. When we ask for help, we are filled with feminine energy. We develop feminine character traits and feminine skills. We change ourselves - we become more flexible, more fluid and softer. So this is a two-in-one vitamin. The request is good for both. For both men and women. It is simply our responsibility to initiate this process of growth together.

1. Ask in a soft and kind voice
The main reason why men refuse us is that our request clearly sounds like an order. Nobody likes orders, but men react especially sharply to this - their male Ego immediately feels wounded. And one of the signs that we are giving an order is our voice. The woman who asks has a soft and kind voice. When she commands, her voice becomes metallic, sharper. Intonations are choppy, objections are not accepted. Like in the army.

Watch - in what voice you “ask” your husband to wash the dishes. Most likely, to your: “Wash the dishes” you can add “Immediately! Without objections! Or three outfits out of turn! We don't even notice it, it becomes a habit. Sometimes this tone is our defensive reaction, sometimes it’s what we saw in our parents’ family. More often than not, we simply don’t know how to do it any other way. But since a person has reason, and a woman’s nature is very flexible, it is in our power to learn this.

2. Repeat requests several times

This is the funniest point, because most often we ask only once. She asked - and then you boil and wait. But he doesn't react. As a result, you do everything yourself, and he doesn’t even remember that he was asked for something. Why is this happening? It’s just that a man usually does only one thing. And all his channels of perception are in this matter. A good example is a man walking down the street. If he needs to text, he stops. He cannot walk or write. And the woman? A woman will drink coffee, chat with a friend, write SMS with one finger and think about the ceiling in the toilet. And that's normal for her.

A man who is busy with some activity (even if it is reading a newspaper or playing a computer game) ignores all other stimuli. They turn into white noise for him. As it used to be on TV, when the program schedule ended, there was a break. So, if your request falls into such a technical break, it will not be heard. And they won't fulfill it. One hundred percent. There is no use in being offended, it’s the same as sulking at a tiger for eating rabbits - a miserable meat-eater! :-)

A man is always engaged in only one thing - so either ask at a time when he is not busy with anything (not in your opinion, but in his opinion). But such moments simply do not happen. A man is a doer. And he is always busy with something - however, we do not always consider his activities to be something important. Or ask him several times. If the request is repeated and repeated, it will still reach the addressee. So what about 10 times.

And by the way, since any of your requests may be heard for the first time for him, repeat each time in a soft and kind voice (otherwise after the fifth time we usually switch to ultrasound with screams: “How much can you talk!”).

3. The request must be specific - especially at the beginning of the journey

Men don't take hints. They can understand them - but only in their own way. I remember one girl complained to me that she hinted to her boyfriend that she wanted romance and variety in dates. As a result, he took her to the hayloft and asked her to have sex. He understood romance and diversity that way. And she wanted him to buy tickets to the opera or theater. In the end, both were upset.

For a woman, the phrase: “Spring, everything is blooming and blooming!” - this is a hint of a flower shop. For a man, it’s simply a statement of fact. But if she says: “I want tulips so much, I love them so much... Make me happy, please!” — the probability of erroneous interpretation is many times lower.

4. The task should be given only one per second of time.

A man is single-tasking - remember? Therefore, if you give a huge list of instructions: go to the store, buy milk, butter, walk the dog, take out the trash and pick up the children from kindergarten, he will remember one thing (and it would be nice if it were the kids picked up from kindergarten on time: )). Most often he remembers either the first or the last. Therefore, upload requests one at a time. If you complete the first one, praise and reward the next one. So there is a chance that everything that needs to be done will be done.

5. Give him time to react.

Remember that he does not hear all your requests. And if after the second repetition you immediately give up and do everything yourself, you will deprive both of you of the opportunity for growth and development. If you are not ready to wait, it is better to do it yourself right away. For example, you need to keep an eye on the milk. By the time he understands that this is his task, the milk has already run away. Therefore, it is better to stand at the stove yourself for five minutes. But if the task can wait an hour or two, ask. Repeatedly. And don't do it yourself. Don't stop him from becoming better. Seeing that you yourself asked and did everything yourself, he will again be convinced of his uselessness. And he will generally stop responding to your requests.

6. Be prepared for rejection

This is what distinguishes a request from an order. If I’m not ready for him to refuse—internally—then I don’t ask. It’s better to start training on those things where failure doesn’t hurt you so much. Where rejection won't change much for you. But this is not a reason to refuse to repeat your request. Sometimes the husband refuses the first ten times, and then agrees. If you ask in a feminine way, softly, with warmth, thank for the help and do not arrange a concert because of refusal.

I remember one pair at the market. They just bought their wife a very expensive dress. The husband was a little outraged by the price, but the wife was so happy! We met them - and she enthusiastically described both the dress and her husband. It stood and melted like butter in the sun. During the conversation, he said five times that he wouldn’t buy any more dresses this year. And she said several times that it was so turquoise that you could go crazy, but of course, not now - and so we spent...

Half an hour later she told him: “Come on, I’ll watch it again?” To which the husband replied: “Well, let’s go, I’ll buy you this again - and then that’s it!” :) A man can change his anger to mercy if he has an affectionate cat next to him :))

7. Thank you very much afterwards!

The cycle must always end! Always! If you did it, praise it. Even if it’s nothing special, even if it wasn’t done the way you wanted. I did it - praise me! Exactly for what was done! Thanks for taking out the trash! Thank you for helping me peel the potatoes. Thank you for picking up your child from kindergarten! Thank you for buying me this dress! And so on. Every request should end with sincere gratitude.

This is what motivates a man to help you again next time. And not just help, but do it more willingly, faster and with better quality. Over time, he may begin to respond the first time (this is a miracle! :))

8. Learn to want and allow yourself

And finally, if he does not respond to your requests, does not help with anything, does not buy anything, and so on... Think about whether you have forgotten how to desire? Is there still any fire of desire left in you (a man responds precisely to it). And do you allow yourself to get what you want (including help). Almost all of us have this problem - to varying degrees of severity.

I immediately remember the medical statistics that all children have rickets, it’s just that many have a mild form. It's the same here. We all suffer from the lethargic illness, the I-am-unworthy-of-anything virus and I-don’t-have-the-right-to-anything. But the man has nothing to do with this. Look for roots in childhood. In my childhood.

And learn to ask - this is a necessary and important art for a woman!

And by the way, we have a video on this topic - about the same thing in video format! Using the example of a new dress, it can be applied to any other area.

Olga Valyaeva

Don't bother

So, first, remember that men don’t like being reminded a hundred times. Therefore, if you know that your boyfriend, brother or friend is not very forgetful, you should not remind him of his clothes a hundred times. He himself knows perfectly well what exactly he needs to do and will do everything when he has the opportunity. But if you constantly buzz in your ear, repeating that he should run away right now and do everything you need, then most likely you will pester the young man so that he will either do nothing to spite you, or will do, but more help you will not be questioned by him.

Well, what to do when you need to do something urgently? To begin, immediately say that the matter is urgent and explain why. Moreover, remember that your arguments must really be weighty. For example, if you say that you need to move the closet right now because you want it so much, then the man is unlikely to run to fulfill your request. But if you explain that the last five hundred rubles fell behind the closet, and you are late for work, then the young man will still He will look away from his own affairs and help you.

Don't compare

Never say something in the style of “But you do it to Anya, but not to me.” In order to reproach, you need to know why the young man helped someone, and did not help you in the same situation. Most often, a man helps when he is sure that the girl really cannot do it herself. For example, he will go to a friend to reinstall the operating system, since she doesn’t understand this at all, but he will never do the same for his sister, who is a programmer by profession, and she is simply lazy or wants attention. So, before you compare, think about why exactly the guy is doing this. Most likely, he simply does not see the rational grain in your request. Although many women are accustomed to justifying everything with the phrase: “I’m a girl, guys should help me with everything,” in fact, such an argument does not always work on men. And by the way, they are completely right. Why should a guy drop his business (even if it seems unimportant to us) and run to the rescue for any reason, if the girl can handle everything herself? The stronger sex, of course, is strong, but still not a servant or a slave.

Make your requests clear

Another problem that constantly haunts girls in situations where they ask young men for help is the inability or unwillingness to say everything clearly. Women love to hint and expect the man to understand everything. Will not understand! Their thinking is different. It never even occurs to them to hint at anything. Therefore, they often do not see the hints point-blank, and then do not understand why the lady is “pouting” again and does not want to talk.

When you want to ask for help, formulate your requests clearly and clearly. That is, if, for example, you need help with home renovations, you don’t need to talk about how “it would be nice to re-glue the wallpaper, but there’s no one to do it, and you really want something new.” Speak clearly and clearly: “I need to replace the wallpaper in my room, I can’t do it myself, please help me. I would like to start on Tuesday, can you do it or will we schedule another day?” In this case, the man sees before himself a clear task that he needs to solve, and not a free-form topic that he can completely ignore, since no one addressed him.

Learn to explain reasons

There are some requests that seem like a whim to a man, but you really can’t do without help. In this case, you need to explain to the guy that although it looks funny and strange, you are not just attracting attention, you are not lazy, you really can’t. For example, there are people who are terrified of heights, even if they climb on a stool. Such a girl doesn’t seem to force herself, but she can’t even remove the curtains in a basic way. If she simply asks a guy for help, he, of course, does not take it seriously, since others manage in such a situation without help. But if she explains to him intelligibly and without hysterics, admits that this is not normal, and that she is struggling with her fear, but she is not succeeding, then the guy will definitely come to the rescue, even if he makes fun of her at the same time. You shouldn’t be offended by such behavior at all, because the main thing for you is the result, and even more so, sometimes you need to be able to laugh at yourself.

Learn by yourself

In fact, men rarely refuse help when they know that a woman cannot cope. Only the last fool would not help carry bags or do purely male housework. But guys often ignore requests in cases where the girl does not want to study. For example, a man has already shown and explained to her dozens of times how to install this or that program, but she fundamentally refuses to learn this and asks him for help every time. In such cases, guys rarely give in to persuasion, because they believe that if a person fundamentally does not want to be able to do something, then there is no point in helping him. After all, if you don’t help a few times, the girl will learn on her own. So if you notice this behavior in yourself, think about changing it. And if the guy doesn’t agree to anything, promise him that now you will really learn from him, and there will be no more such requests. Just remember that you really have to keep your promise, because next time he certainly won’t help. If you start doing something yourself, and he sees that you are really trying, he will definitely advise you and guide you so that you can do everything as well as possible. Men love it when others make an effort, rather than hoping that someone else will come and do everything for them.

Praise the men

If you ask a man for something, there is no need to be indignant. Don't act like your problems are much more important than his, especially if it's a brother or friend. Yes, you are relatives, you are close people, but this does not mean that the guy should rush to your aid for any reason. Therefore, if the matter is not urgent, let him choose a free hour to come and do everything. And, of course, do not forget to praise and thank. Never take a man's help for granted. Remember that because of you he canceled some of his affairs, even if they were not serious for you. Therefore, when you ask a guy for help, remind him often how strong, mature and courageous he is, how lucky you are to have him. You can even admire him a little, just don’t go too far, since not all men like increased interest in their person. Just when you ask for help, show with your appearance that you are very happy about his attention to your problems and be sure to repay him in the same coin when a young man will approach you with a request for some service.

How to communicate with your ex-husband if you still have feelings and have a child together?

Oh, what a difficult question this is. You can say this: fate has sent you a difficult test. Not only do you need to experience the pain of betrayal, the feeling of being useless, go through the feeling of abandonment, but you also have to stifle your pride (torment: “They chose someone else instead of me,” “She is better”), and this is almost unbearable for the fragile “I” . You can try to get through it on your own, or you can seek psychological help. I want to tell you how the help of a psychologist can be useful.

First, you need to admit the fact that you are no longer loved and all the delights of love go to someone else. You will not be able to completely change your attitude towards your ex-husband until you go through all the stages of a painful separation.

Grieve over a breakup

All these bitter feelings can be experienced, cried, grieved, but... alone. And the best thing now is not to know or hear anything about him, about his ex. And here you have to communicate, because you have a child together and you, like a normal mother, do not want to act to the detriment of the baby and deprive him of his father.

I can write a lot of advice on how to behave with your ex, how not to lose your dignity in his and, most importantly, in your own eyes. And even offer you my psychological consultation. But will this help you when your heart hurts, resentment eats from the inside, and your own unsettled life adds fuel to the fire of pain?

You will not be able to completely change your attitude towards your ex-husband and, accordingly, your behavior, until you go through all the stages of a painful separation. I foresee your reaction: “How long can you go through a breakup? I’ve already experienced my pain.” So, if you had experienced it, then the question of how to behave would not arise. It wouldn't throw you from one extreme to the other.

What happened to you and your family is a real tragedy, and there is no need to minimize or devalue the power of your experiences. But you didn’t really let your husband go to another woman, you didn’t accept his betrayal, you tried, but in reality you didn’t forgive him.

The path to true forgiveness is not easy. And with the help of beliefs and reasonable explanations alone it is impossible to reach it. Only after living through all the pain and finding internal correspondences to the situation in yourself, accepting everything and forgiving everyone, can you forgive your husband.

By not breaking up with him, you are preventing other men from entering your life. Every time you fight your feelings, you waste your energy, and then you have no strength left for anything else. You need to see and realize the harm you are doing to yourself and your life, admit your helplessness and powerlessness in trying to change anything and gain control over yourself. Only after this can you begin your journey.

What is happening now? You do not give up the idea that you can influence yourself and the situation. You are asking for an algorithm of actions that will help you build tactics for your behavior. But I’m sure you know perfectly well how you need to behave, hence all your attempts to accept and forgive, to pretend that nothing happened... fatigue and anger - because there is pain inside you. You are fighting with yourself. And this is the road to nowhere.

Rules of conduct with your ex-husband

It is difficult for me to briefly say what needs to be done. There are exercises and meditations that trigger grief. But you will have to experience painful feelings yourself. My help as a psychologist consists only of support and help in choosing a direction, in explaining some things. But I won’t live your feelings for you.

My 6 month program and is designed to provide support in such a situation. Working in a group helps you fully experience your pain, and the feeling of similarity with the destinies of other women will strengthen you. It will make you realize that you are not alone in this situation.

It will start at the end of September.

Sign up for the group, and together with you we will begin a difficult path of experiences, along which you will discover a lot of interesting, useful, although at times, perhaps unpleasant.

So, how to behave correctly with your ex-husband?

1. Try to talk to him only about the child. Don't ask him about business, life, and don't tell him about yourself. Even if he is interested. Try to delicately avoid answering. By getting involved in communication, you give it your energy, and thereby tie yourself to it, and you don’t need this at all. Save your strength for yourself. Don't feed your ex with your energy.

2. Try to distance yourself emotionally when communicating with him. Step back. Don't get involved in conversations. Be polite, but no more. If it is possible to reduce your communication with him to a minimum, do so.

Although, apparently, it is still important for you to see him, you want to look into his eyes, to understand whether he is happy. And all these questions arise... Are you significant to him? Did he love you? Are you bored? Does he regret the past? Does he want to return?

3. Do not ask the child about the father, about conversations between them, and do not try to find out information about the ex-husband.

4. Do not prohibit your ex-partner from seeing the child, but the transfer of the child should be carried out in the way you need. Don't try to be a comfortable and good, understanding ex-wife.

5. Don’t let him know that you love him and are waiting for him. Don't show or prove to him that you have no one. But don’t do the opposite by demonstrating the presence of another man in your life. Be impenetrable to him. Don't let him know anything about you.

6. This is the most difficult and difficult moment. Try not to forbid him to invite the child to a new family. I know that it is very difficult and difficult to allow a child to spend time not only with his father, but also with his woman. This is not an easy test.

But if you can let your husband go, then this point will become feasible for you. The fact is that the new chosen one may turn out to be a jealous lady, she may begin to put forward her conditions to the man. She is unlikely to like the fact that she does not take part in her partner’s life. And then this may affect the frequency of meetings between the father and the child.

Therefore, if this has happened in your life, allow your child to become richer - to find a different family and experience a different relationship model.

Perhaps you will soon create a new union, and the child, communicating with members of both families, will grow up in a healthier environment.

Although I understand that these are just the right words. And having lost your husband, it is almost unbearable to share your child with him, especially if he is the only one. But still, probably not right away, but admit this thought.

7. Try not to discuss your ex-husband in the presence of your child - he will not understand your pain, but will only get confused in the situation. After all, he loves both you and his father, and you are both dear to him. There is no need to create a triangle “persecutor - victim - rescuer”, where you play the role of the victim. And don't make your child your savior. Subsequently, all this will backfire on him.

If you have a daughter, then you will form in her an image of a man that is not entirely correct, and it will be difficult for her to trust a man and love her chosen one. If you have a son, his identification with men may suffer, which then affects his ability to earn money and be successful.

And you yourself... The more often you think and talk about your husband, the more involved you become in this relationship. And for you they are already in the past, which you need to let go of! Don't create an emotional funnel that will later be very difficult for you to get out of.

One year of waiting

If you still love your husband, then most likely you want him back, and the hope of a reunion does not let go. What to do in this situation? Should I try to get my ex-partner back or not? Should I take any action for this?

There are no recipes that are equally suitable for everyone. But here you are in danger of immersing yourself in your expectations and hoping in vain for the return of your husband and thus losing several years, or even many years of your life. Of course, if you have decided for yourself that you no longer want to have anything to do with men and the memories of your ex are more than enough for you, then this approach is quite acceptable. But if you still don’t want to spend your whole life in unjustified expectations and hopes, then set a period for yourself, for example, one year. Tell yourself, if after a year your husband does not return, then you will cut him out of your life and learn to live without him.

One year is enough to choose your path. And if the ex-husband lived for a year with another woman, then I think the chances of his return in general have greatly decreased. Although life has its own rules, and nothing can be stated unambiguously here.

You can really wait one year, but then start building your life without your ex. And I would strongly recommend that you not just wait for his return, but take care of yourself, your inner world, your soul. In any case, you have to go through a breakup, even if there is hope for your partner’s return.

If you cannot internally part with him, let him go, then all your attempts to win him back are most likely doomed to failure. You can only return someone if in your soul you have let go of this person and have experienced all the pain of betrayal and separation. If this does not happen, it means that you have not changed internally, and therefore, your relationship, even if your husband returns, will remain the same.

After breaking up with a man, reduce the significance of your desire to return him, trust the space of your destiny. It will be what is best for you.

Hope for the worst, and the best will come.

I have listed general rules, but each woman finds her own patterns of behavior. But the most important thing is to always remember about the interests of the child, try not to inflate (not pride) and, of course, do not forget about yourself. Maybe your husband left you out of concern for your soul so that you turn inward and start treating yourself differently. Or maybe he made room for something or someone. Emptiness has one remarkable property of being filled. And maybe after a while you will be grateful to your ex-husband for doing this to you.

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

WikiHow works like a wiki, which means that many of our articles are written by multiple authors. This article was created by volunteer authors to edit and improve it.

Divorce or relationship breakdown can be a difficult event for anyone. If you're going in different directions, it can sometimes be very difficult to continue without a helping hand from your ex-spouse. Read our tips on how to ask for help without harming your loving relationship.

Steps

Determine which requests are acceptable and which are not. If in doubt, seek advice from an impartial third party before making your request to your ex.

• Asking your ex to look at and repair something is one thing. And asking him or her to look after the house when you and your new flame go away for the weekend is already cruel.

1. Be sensitive to the fact that feelings and pride may still be hurt by the breakup. Before you ask your ex-spouse for anything, in any case, ask yourself whether your request will be in any way tactless.

   You shouldn't ask your ex-love for a favor that you couldn't ask a good friend for. If you only ask for help when you directly need it and those requests are acceptable and reasonable, then you are more likely to receive it.

   Requests for financial assistance may be contentious depending on the financial status of both partners and the terms of the breakup. Unexpected medical expenses for a child are an acceptable financial request. But asking for money every week for decorations is unacceptable for most people.

   • If you constantly have to ask for money to feed your children, you should contact a lawyer and seek help in court.

2. Try to be as considerate as possible when asking for a favor. Giving a person time to adjust their schedule, their budget, or their mood will lead to greater success.

   • If you have to leave town for work next month, it's better to ask your ex to change his weekend plans now than during the week of your trip.
   • The ex-spouse is unlikely to like a financial bomb. If you know that your child needs dental services or new glasses, it is better to discuss this in advance and plan everything. Calling on the very last day and asking for money is a decision that can throw both of you off balance.
   • Asking for reasonable favors with reasonable deadlines can help keep your relationship amicable. This way your request will be met with tolerance if an unforeseen situation arises and you urgently need help.

3. Offer to do some kind of favor in return and take it seriously, pay your ex for gas, or please him when he actually reaches out to you. He should know that you value his help and can also ask you for it when he needs a favor.

   • If your ex helps you cut down and put up a tree for Christmas, offer to wrap his gifts, bake him cookies he can take to work, or send him a gift card to his favorite store.
   • If your ex-wife helped you out when your car broke down, send her flowers or a gift card to the salon.

4. You should never ask for a favor and then treat the person as if he is on duty. Remember that you should treat your ex as a friend, not a servant.

   Keep communication open. Don't call a person only when you need something. This doesn't mean you should just call to chat - it may seem strange, but you should definitely remember to send cards or gifts for a birthday or other holiday.

   Say "thank you." They were not obliged to help you, but they did.

   Follow the plan. If helping your ex makes you feel uncomfortable, meet him or her on time, don't constantly change time or place, and do what you can to make the task easier. If plans change, give your ex-spouse as much information as possible.

   Know when to ask someone other than your ex-partner for help. If your ex is making you feel guilty, helpless, or making your life difficult, look elsewhere for help. Start meeting other parents, colleagues, etc. Get good support and only call your ex out when there is no other option.

   Help back if your ex asks you for a favor. It may be inconvenient, but if you want to keep this person in your support system, you should return the favor whenever possible and appropriate.

   Never use ex-partners. They may still have tender feelings for you. It is in poor taste to ask for help or take advantage of their feelings. If necessary, you must be very specific about your intentions and not let them believe that this is part of reconciliation.

   The division of child-rearing responsibilities is quite expected. You should not think that when you ask your ex-husband to take on certain responsibilities, then these are just requests, because this is simply a division of parental responsibilities.

   • Maintain open communication and communicate frequently about plans, events, appointments and finances regarding the children.
   • Don’t confuse raising a child together with being on your ex-spouse’s neck. If you ask him to take time away from his plans to complete some of your tasks, then consider it as a favor and thank the person accordingly.

5. Never assume. Talk to your ex-spouse and come to a mutual agreement. Never expect and never make plans before discussing it.

   Never use a person's guilt to achieve your goal. If they can't help you, you just have to use another option. Trying to make your ex feel guilty for not being able to help can be detrimental to the friendship. Just because you were once together does not mean that you are obligated to help.

   Try not to hold a grudge if your ex-partner can't help you. Be an understanding person. Offer to help with a project and maybe you can develop a post-breakup relationship that allows you to call each other and help out from time to time. If you want your ex to be in your support system, you need to take some initiative and make the first steps.

6. • Ask your ex-spouse if this person is okay with you calling him/her from time to time for advice on things he/she used to be responsible for. The ex-husband may need help removing stains from the carpet, and the ex-wife may be unfamiliar with plumbing issues. By asking permission to call, you can take the first step in creating a warm relationship.
   • No need to ask for money. But if necessary, you must discuss specific conditions for returning the money back. Make sure you are familiar with the terms and conditions so that you can return the money to your ex exactly on time or even sooner.
   • Remember that financial problem is the number one cause of family discord. Asking for financial help can ruin your cordial relationship.
   • Let your friends know when your ex is doing you a big favor. Just like bad news, good news tends to spread.
   • It takes time to heal the wounds of resentment. Asking your ex-spouse for help a week after the divorce is too early.
   • If you know that your ex-spouse is incredibly busy with work and going through difficult times, you can take the first step and help him. Ask if he needs to mow the lawn, pick up the kids for a few days, or anything else that will make his life easier. Not only is this a good thing, but you can also make the offer of help convenient for you and on your own terms.