By chance, I came across a forum where this issue was discussed. “Does anyone have examples from life when a man left his family for his mistress and regretted it, did he come back? Have your wife and mistress switched places?” The discussion was heated. Of course, the topic is exciting and topical. And I came up with a post on this topic.
Statistics say YES. Or rather, there are much more men who regret it than those who are happy that they left and do not regret anything. Men, just like women, are “unlucky” in new relationships.
Why? Let's figure it out
Men's expectations are not met. In other respects, everything is the same, but more work.
It seems that when he leaves his wife for his mistress, he does not start a new relationship. For some time they met secretly or openly. What changed when the mistress became a wife, albeit a civilian one?
It has changed. For example, a man’s view of relationships and his expectations. One thing is required from a mistress, and something completely different from a wife. A man expects to receive in a new relationship what he did not receive in the past. After all, it was dissatisfaction with family life that led him to bed with his mistress, and then to the decision to create a permanent love union with her. By the way, not all traitors decide to do the latter. More often than not, it is the wives who insist on leaving the family. And if it weren’t for their thunder and lightning, the suitcase displayed at the front door, the requirement to choose “me or her,” many men would have cheated for years and worked on two fronts for years. Not because they like it that way, although that happens. But because it is more difficult for a man to decide on a divorce than for a woman. According to my psychology.
Do lovers understand this? Are you ready to meet men's expectations? Most often not. Which deals blow after blow to a relationship. And now the question creeps into the man’s mind: “Why did I do this?”
The demands placed on a woman who has changed her status from mistress to wife are higher than on an ex-wife. This fact should be taken into account!
In a new relationship, a man does not satisfy his needs.
No matter how trite it sounds, and it has set teeth on edge, there is no statement more truthful than this: men are simple-minded. However, they are driven by needs, the dissatisfaction of which inevitably leads to a break in the relationship. There are exceptions, but, as they say, they confirm the rules. It is this dissatisfaction that in most cases pushes a man to cheat, to see his mistress, and to leave his family.
It is very important to know about men's needs. This greatly simplifies the process of organizing relationships.
Women are complex creatures. You need everything. And a lot of things. Unlike you women, men are very simple creatures. In reality, it doesn't take much to make us happy. In fact, there are only three things that, by and large, every man needs: support, fidelity and sex.
Just three. And I'm here to tell you over and over again that yes, everything is really like that. Just.
Steve Harvey
Need #1: Support. Men should feel supported - like they are kings, even if they are not. They want to feel like kings, even if they don't act like royalty.
Need #2. Loyalty. For men, love is devotion. This means that no matter what happens, you will be with the man. He gets fired - you stay with him even if he doesn't bring home a paycheck. When talking with your friends, you enthusiastically say: “This is my man. I am faithful to him."
Need No. 3. Sex. No man can live without sex. He will wait if you are on your period - if he loves you. But if he doesn’t care, he won’t persuade you to give affection - he’ll just get it from someone else.
Old rake in new relationship
We all make mistakes. We step on the same rake and again receive a painful blow. The same thing happens in relationships. We bring a suitcase with the past into a new life, unpack it and use its contents - familiar, familiar, but precisely what led to the breakup.
In general, women are best at working on mistakes.
They are more flexible. They live by emotions. And in general, a woman is a process worker. It is her nature that is assigned to the creation of relationships. There is no need to expect an equal contribution from a man to this process. A waste of time and nerves.
It is enough to look into the psychology of men to not so much be upset as to be inspired. Believe me!
The world of a man is an external, objective world. A man can be good at relationships, but initially, by his natural essence, a man’s task is to create objects, repair objects, understand objects. The focus of a man's attention is on the outside world. A man's attention is always outward and seeks what can become his, followed by the action of capturing.
N. Kozlov
Get rid of illusions
Yes, men often regret leaving. Men often ask to return or secretly dream of returning to their family. But you shouldn’t indulge yourself in the illusion that “having suffered,” your prodigal son, excuse me, husband, will return a different person. That he will realize his mistakes, and you will become the queen of the situation. And now the husband, making amends for his guilt, will begin to work on the relationship more than you or even alone.
Nothing like this! Very soon history will repeat itself. If it is not the cause of the disease that is removed, but only its symptoms, then it returns very soon.
If you are suffering and want your husband to return to the family, then you should ask and answer these questions honestly.
- Why do you want this so much? Or why do you need this man?
- Are you ready to forgive the offense and accept betrayal in peace?
- Are you ready to radically change your relationship strategy and tactics and work mercilessly on it seven days a week?
Nothing goes back to normal. You can't step into the same river twice. I wouldn’t create even bigger problems for myself, I wouldn’t feed the devil in my soul, I wouldn’t plunge myself and my loved ones into hell.
We lived for 15 years. He went to his boss. He married her right away, changed jobs so as not to be under her. He left simply insane. Like a zombie. 4 years have passed. We communicate with him only by phone and very rarely, dryly, the only reason is his daughter. I know he's feeling bad. He looks bad and gets sick often. Kind of cool. He told my brother (they are still friends) that everything was not at all as expected, and that he was simply afraid of his new wife. Didn't say he wanted to go back. He didn’t say that he regretted leaving me. And I waited for the first year. Now I don’t expect it, but I don’t have a personal life either. Even flirting. Home, daughter, work. Empty and gray. Why the hell everything was necessary. He's unhappy, I'm unhappy. And this *** is covered in chocolate on all sides. Will never come to me. If he leaves ***, then there will be a third.
Returning your husband to the family or accepting him back only makes sense if you sincerely love your husband and wish him happiness. You understand that you owe your husband and want to repay this emotional debt.
The answers to the other two questions should also be positive. Resentment and old relationship tactics and strategies will not lead you to happiness and balance.
Men often return to their families. This is true. It happens that a woman does not have to work very hard upon his return.
But there is no happiness! But isn’t that the meaning of the union?
What can such statistics give?
You can be happy again with your old husband. But under different conditions. Are you ready? The decision is yours.
I know how difficult it is to figure it out on your own. Come for a consultation. I will help.
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With love, Eva
Love for a married man is always forbidden, sinful and condemned by society. But what to do if he is unhappy in his marriage and only certain obligations and feelings of responsibility and conscience bind him to his wife. He also wants to be with you, reciprocates your feelings, but will never dare to leave his family. In this case, you should try your best to get your lover to leave his wife for you. Perhaps someone will say that it is mean and ugly to take a person away from the family. But what if there is still no happiness in that family? Is this your fault?
Do you need this man?
Cheating is always associated with a certain mystery. Lovers are forced to hide, hide, see each other in secret. These thrills make their feelings stronger and more passionate. No wonder they say that the forbidden fruit is sweet. Often, after lovers reunite, they realize that apart from this secret and passion, nothing connects them. Relationships become boring, the spice disappears. In addition, people understand that there really was no love. In most cases, the would-be lover, having been pushed around, returns to his wife.
Even if your beloved man is unhappy in his marriage, if there are no feelings between him and his wife for a long time, think about what the situation is like in reality? Perhaps he simply chose the position of the victim, it is so convenient for him, and you also feel sorry for him. There are men who attract women to themselves in this way. After all, all women by nature love to shelter, pity, understand and console someone. Therefore, before you take a man away from your family, think about whether he wants to leave? And the most important question: do you need it? Analyze why you agreed to the role of a mistress? It is unlikely that love broke out between you right away. Surely before this there was just an intimate relationship without feelings and obligations. And being a mistress certainly has its advantages.
Why is it good to be a mistress?
Being the mistress of a family man is not always a bad thing. Think for yourself:
- you have no obligations to this man;
- you are not burdened with everyday life;
- you have constant sex;
- there is male attention and romance in your life;
- You can sometimes count on financial support (if not all the time).
Imagine a man leaves his wife for you. What awaits you? Very soon your relationship will be swallowed up by harsh everyday life. Romance and attention will disappear. In addition, do not forget that the man will constantly maintain contact with his ex-wife and children. And this is jealousy, suspicion, mistrust. And the most important point: recently he cheated on his wife with you. Where is the guarantee that he won’t cheat on you again? He is incapable of being faithful and you know this very well. This will gnaw and torment you. Although, there are women who accept all these facts and know how to create a wonderful family with their lover. We hope that you belong to this category of wise women.
For what reason is it necessary to take a man away from the family?
You need to understand that you cannot just take your lover away from your wife out of sport. As a result, your relationship will deteriorate, the man will return to his wife, and the feelings of all three participants in the love triangle will suffer. Therefore, you need to think about how to make a man leave the family only if you have serious reasons:
- there is true love between you, tested by time and situations;
- you are pregnant or already have a child from your lover;
- you both are unhappy in your personal lives without each other.
If at least one reason applies to you, then take action.
Steps on how to make your lover leave your wife
You have been dating for more than one year, but your lover has not taken the first step towards resolving the situation. Believe me, he won't. There are many circumstances that prevent this, but most often the man is simply unsure and does not want to change his established life. It is convenient for him to have a full house and a mistress as an outlet for the soul. For him to leave his wife for you, you need to take a lot of steps and spend a lot of time. But you're ready for anything, aren't you? So, how to take a man away from the family:
- Become truly close to him. You must understand him and support him in everything. This is exactly what he lacks in his wife. But don't strive to be better than your wife or to become perfect. Stay earthy, but different. After all, this is why he chose you.
- During meetings, create the maximum feeling of comfort and coziness for the man. He needs to know that where you are is his home.
- There is no need to get hung up on your lover. On the contrary, at a certain moment you can move away a little. Since a man has a sense of ownership, he will panic.
- Don't take the first steps - don't call him, don't make dates, don't invite him. A man should do this. Let him pursue you constantly.
- Don't discuss his wife, don't turn him against her. Even if a man constantly complains about his wife, he has the right to do so, since he lives with her. Just listen, silently, to all complaints and console. If you start discussing your wife, the man may not like it.
- The most effective way is to set an ultimatum. Deny him sex, be prepared to quit. If a man loves you, he will leave his wife. If you find an excuse not to do this again, then it’s useless.
In general, as practice shows, if a man has not made a choice and has not decided in the first year of such a relationship, then there is no point in waiting. You can thus lose your whole life in the status of an eternal lover. First, you will wait until your lover gets on his feet financially, so as not to depend on his wife or her parents. Then he will ask you to wait until the children grow up. Then the wife will have some difficult period when she needs support, and there is no way to leave her. And this is how your whole life will go. Just understand that a man loses absolutely nothing in this case: he has a family, an established life, children, relatives. What will be left for you? Broken heart and cat. Alas, these are the sad realities of statistics.
If a lover leaves his wife
If you still achieve your goal, there is no need to relax. A lover's leaving his wife does not mean your victory. You need to prepare for many moments and have a lot of patience.
- You have sacrificed a lot in order to create the image that attracted your lover. This image needs to be maintained. After all, this is what put you at an undoubted advantage over your mistress.
- If your lover is older than you, be prepared for differences in daily routine, nutrition, habits and preferences. Now you will prepare him a special menu so that the ulcer does not worsen and give massages during radiculitis. By the way, this again comes to the question: are you ready to tolerate such a lover?
- Be prepared for the fact that your lover will constantly communicate with his wife and children. They will still have common friends and some business. The ex-wife will call for any reason, be it a question about a study group for a child or preparations for graduation. Of course, the best option is to make friends with the children and establish neutrality towards the wife.
As you can see, it is difficult to take a lover away from the family, but it is even more difficult to keep him close. If you find yourself in this situation, think carefully, weigh all the pros and cons. Perhaps this is another episode in your life that you simply mistook for a serious feeling.
He left his wife for me.
He left his wife for me.
Now we have been together for a year, an unprecedented situation, “my husband left for his mistress,” a real miracle. I'm happy with him, and I see him too. But the situation with his ex-wife still haunts me. I can’t forgive her for her methods, her accusations, when the facts show that she is no better than me: she also got a man in marriage, the one that she used against him, because... I wanted to get the whole apartment, and not the legal 2/3, these reproaches that he destroyed everything, and this was when he offered me to remain friends!! It saddens me that all her friends feel sorry for her, as if she had suffered (although I think she felt bad for some time, her self-esteem probably fell: I’m blonde, quite pretty, 7 years younger, with an education and no problems with housing) . But I also felt bad that I couldn’t be with the one I love, I felt bad that I touched someone else’s, albeit maybe not perfectly happy, family. She positions herself as the happiest now (which I can see from social networks), and it’s as if I don’t have the right to happiness, because I’m a “mistress.” Who can comment on my situation?
Re: Revelations of former lovers of married men
But I want to say something else, or rather ask: please. those who wrote their stories here half a year ago or more - write how your life turned out, did you manage to get out of this nightmare and become happy without this dirt? This is very important for us who find ourselves in such a situation today. to find the strength to overcome and stop all this and start building a new life. I love and hug you all.
Why do men leave their mistresses and return to their wives?
The triangle of relationships will not lose its relevance: husband, wife, mistress. A favorite plot of romantic works, films and various kinds of manuals is “how to discourage men from leaving for their mistresses”, “to take away your beloved from your wife”. Ladies on opposite sides of the barricades regularly return to the question.
What is more important to HIM: feelings or habit?
It is difficult to overestimate the determination of women in the fight for a man. Mistresses try to take you away, wives want to keep you. Luck is more often on the side of the latter - men return. Men rarely listen to feelings. For the sake of their mistresses, they are in no hurry to put their usual life on the line, which has been “tired of for a long time.” What is the reason for strong attachment to home?
From childhood, mothers instill in girls an unchanging truth: falling in love with a married man will not lead to grief, and you will not be taken away from the family. This kind of connection causes public condemnation. But you can’t argue with the well-known axiom “you can’t order your heart.” Until the last moment, the girls do not lose hope that the married man will leave the family.
Below we would like to give 3 true stories about husbands leaving their wives and their subsequent return.
Disappointment in everyday life
Tatyana told her friend that she had fallen head over heels in love with a wonderful man. But a problem emerged: he is married and has a 17-year-old daughter. According to her, “the problem is solvable,” and she is sure that she will be able to take away the married man. Tatyana did not pay attention to her friend’s skeptical attitude, repeating the mistake of thousands of women.
Friends of Dmitry (lover's name) claimed: Tanya's rival did not have the best character, happiness in the family was gone. And the daughter is an adult. Tatyana believed that after 20 years of marriage, love was over. And the wife is much older.
Tatyana was lucky: Dmitry left the family, but the joy did not last long.
6 months after the wedding, I began to worry and suspect the presence of a mistress. Dmitry came home late, relations changed not for the better. I got used to the idea that a man who has cheated once will continue to cheat.
But the rival turned out to be his ex-wife. Dmitry explained that his wife and daughter need help with household chores, they are not strangers. Tatyana calmed down - the reason was “excusable”. Over time, the relationship changed for the worse.
And one day Dmitry admitted that he couldn’t stand it without his home and family. Tatyana got angry and screamingly offered to return to her ex, repeating in her heart “she’s not going anywhere.” What happened surprised and upset: the lover packed up and left.
Subsequently, he justified himself - Tatyana is better... but his wife, like a sister and mother, cannot be erased from life. The main thing is that I got used to home-cooked food and evening tea with lemon.
Mistresses are sure that the main task is to take a man away from his old family and create a new one. But it's not that simple. Practice shows: it is harder to keep someone else’s husband close. According to statistics, 70 men out of 100 who leave their families return. Everyday changes are scary. At first they are held by passion. Passion diminishes, and an irrepressible longing for the former home awakens.
No matter how much effort the mistress puts in, she will remain second and will not create similar living conditions: a different person, with different foundations and habits. Even if the new wife is better than the former, it will not be possible to provide similar comfort. Household habits are the main reason why men return to their families.
Pregnancy manipulation
At the age of 28, Alexey met a young beautiful girl of 19 years old named Svetlana. He was in a civil marriage with a woman of the same age. But, according to him, there was no extraterrestrial love. And it was not possible to have a child.
A week after they met, Svetlana and Alexei began a wild romance. The salary was small, but he gave his new lover expensive gifts and gorgeous flowers. In the end, he promised to soon confess to his common-law wife.
After a year, recognition did not take place. Alexey found a bunch of excuses. This forced Svetlana to take extreme measures. Stopped taking birth control pills. And, naturally, after some time she informed her beloved about the pregnancy.
Not for a second did I lose confidence in Alexei’s joyful reaction - he dreamed of a child. But it turned out the other way around. He promised that he would help, but he would not leave his common-law wife and would not make her unhappy.
Only 5% of men are able to leave the family. The stronger sex shares the concepts of “love” and “marriage”. Women do not share. A loving woman becomes everything - a wife, a lover, and a best friend. For men, “Love” means intimacy and entertainment, not life together. Marriage is everyday life, familiar and ordinary. They do not consider it necessary to get a divorce for the sake of new love and break the existing way of life.
A man's habit is much stronger than love. They always tell their mistresses that they will “leave forever,” but more often than not they lie. But Svetlana made a mistake. Practice shows: men do not leave their families for the sake of a child on the side, but are able to fulfill fatherly responsibilities in an exemplary manner.
Possessive instinct
Victor married early, at the age of 20, and not for great love. The beloved married someone else, and the “comforting” girl unexpectedly became pregnant. The young people got married and twins were born. At a meeting of classmates I met my previous love, Irina. By that time, twice divorced.
Of course, the old feelings flared up. We started dating. His wife Yulia guessed, but at first she preferred not to pay attention. As a result, Irina insisted on divorce and moving. Victor did just that. Surprisingly, the current wife did not resist.
I went to my previous house to talk to my beloved children and help. One day I came across a stranger who sympathized with his ex-wife. And feelings came into play and he scolded his ex-wife. But I heard the expected answer. Yulia reminded me that he left, abandoned her.
To the surprise of both parties, Victor told Irina that he agreed to remain exclusively a lover and was returning to the family.
No matter how prosaic it may be, men have a sense of ownership in their blood. They have every right to have mistresses, but former halves should not even think about new relationships. It often happens that husbands return to their ex-wives after learning about the existence of a stranger.
The stronger sex has different requirements for a wife and a mistress; the former must remain faithful, and the mistress must remain beautiful.
Some advice for wives
- According to experts, a man will leave for his mistress only if there is a long-standing discord in the family, and if a new hobby is just an excuse. He is unlikely to leave you until the situation is completely neglected.
- It is useful to force the husband to spend a lot of time on his family, then he will not have the energy to go to his mistress. He will stay with you, it’s more familiar.
- And you shouldn’t throw hysterics at a man who is about to leave. It is better to provide comfort, and he will not change his mind.
- Men's attraction to property can play into your hands - cause jealousy.
Men are lazy by nature... even if love is there, it’s unlikely to leave...
Some people love with others they just sleep, that’s how it was and will be girls.
I agree. They run away from problems, but they are mistaken, that where they went, there are fewer of them. They run and come running. But there are also such proud cadres, they know that family is better, but they do not return! They simply cannot humiliate themselves, but I think if they love you, they will agree to all conditions! I told my ex, “as soon as you crawl back, don’t erase your knees” ?? He was bitten by it, although now he constantly remembers me and feels sorry for me, but his pride does not allow him to return. This is just this type of man!
Why do abandoned wives accept those who have left? Also out of habit? Is it easier to accept the “old” with the well-known “cockroaches” than to embark on a new voyage? But in vain.
And I would never take the person who betrayed me back. Not because I don't know how to forgive. I can. And I would forgive, but I would not continue living together. After all, in order to prevent betrayal from happening again, you need, first of all, to change something in yourself. But I don’t want to - I like myself with all my advantages and disadvantages. And it’s not so easy to change yourself, is the effort justified?
A man will never leave his beloved wife, they only leave when they no longer love him, to be honest, if husbands returned to their ex-wives, then at least some of the women I know would be married
I probably only know one case where the husband returned to the family from another woman, and even then, he lived there for 2 weeks and returned, I have never seen any other similar cases and I don’t know this from stories about famous people
They usually leave and never come back.
they don’t come back because their wives don’t take them back)
All stories are life stories. But there is another one of mine: a friend from the age of 18 was in the status of a mistress. She spent five years on her lover... then she got tired of it and found a young and unmarried man. Yessss, when the lover found out about his beloved’s new passion, he was furious, but... fell behind... My friend, four years later broke up with her unmarried friend.. The next contender was also young and unmarried, but for some reason she didn’t like him... While my life was unfolding rapidly, my friend was in silence... I was already starting to worry about her, would she stay too long with the girls?? But two years ago I find out that she is dating a man. Who is this? Aaaah, this is our first ex-lover... During my friend’s adventures, it turns out she got divorced. Now they live together. Soul to soul. She wasn’t really expecting him, but subconsciously, probably yes... And he, too, decided to get a divorce, but his beloved was free. Here! Everything happens in life and no one cheated anyone, but in the end, together
I left my husband. Then she met a man who had a family, a wife, a son. I decided that this man should be mine, period. I slept with him. I didn't care about his family, I only thought about myself. I followed him to Krasnodar from Bratsk. I got a job at his company. But he is still with his wife. His friends constantly humiliate me and call me a whore. But I’m not leaving the company, I don’t care how his friends treat me, I have a goal and I’m going towards it.
Tatyana will all come back to you - no one has canceled the boomerang. He is someone else’s husband, you are breaking up the family. You will not have happiness with this man. And you don’t love him, this is clear from your message..
I would probably never break up someone else's family. Because I myself have been in this situation. It's very difficult to go through all this. My husband has a mistress and this is when I’m pregnant. Very hard. Now there is no mistress, but I still cannot forgive him. I'm thinking about divorce.
And my husband sent me and my children to the village six months ago, supposedly to earn money and promote a business! As a result, after 5 months, I find out that all this time he has been having an affair with a 23-year-old girl! I’m 27, he’ll be 30, our children are one year old and 2.6 years old (girls), and he told me on the phone that he doesn’t love me and never loved me, we’ve been married for 6 years, 5; says he loves her madly; lived in my apartment; We enjoyed it even without paying utilities! Now I’ve returned home with the children, he lived with us for a couple of days and said that he couldn’t get over himself, so he went to her! They are planning to rent a kV but there is no money! They live at their mother-in-law's dacha! He promised to come help with the children every day, we see him once a week, if we’re lucky! Of course, if he comes, I will forgive him and I will never remember this to him, but this is today, I’m not sure that in a month I will shield him the same way! He was the initiator to file for divorce, a trial was scheduled for June 16, 2016!
Three days ago, the man with whom I lived for three months returned to his wife. He was the sole initiator of our relationship. He didn’t say anything but call his wife. He said that he dreams of getting rid of her, that he has not had a close relationship with her for many years, that he is completely alone. That all my life I dreamed of someone like me, etc. and so on. I suggested that he rent an apartment, live alone, and think about what to do next. But he wanted to be with me! They began to live together in a rented apartment. I had a great time with him! I no longer expected such happiness to be in my life! But the happiness did not last long. His wife called him, at first she swore, then she cried, and asked him to come back. He insisted that he did not know how to get rid of her. She did not work, she lived at his expense. At the same time, he managed to register both an apartment and a dacha for her. It turned out that he had nothing at all. She constantly asked for money, and he had to pay rent. He kept discussing with me that his wife was telling him that he would definitely return to her and asked me in bewilderment: why, I wonder, did she decide that? He insisted that he had not been interested in her as a woman for a long time, and he dreamed of divorcing her. But she doesn’t want to spoil the relationship, because everything is registered in her name. Gradually, I began to feel that he was beginning to be burdened by his situation: life in a rented apartment, a vague prospect... And hatred for his wife was replaced by pity for her. He began to visit her at the dacha often, and a couple of times he did not come to spend the night under various pretexts. The third time he didn’t show up, he stopped answering calls and texts. And in the morning I wrote that everything was fine with him. But by that time I had already packed my things and left him. I didn’t want to be a homewrecker, I’m not ready for this role at all. The initiative to leave his wife was solely his! I remember what he said three months ago, and I am completely perplexed. How could an adult change his position so much in such a short period of time? Maybe I'm naive, but I'm terrified! Perhaps, of course, his feelings for me began to fade away... But why would he first say such nasty things about his wife, and then so easily return to her. She went to her homeland in Ukraine a couple of weeks ago. The feeling that she bewitched him there... Although most likely, in addition to love and romance, there are also property interests. As they say, everything was ruined by the housing issue. And they just pulled the rug out from under me. Everything was like a dream, this meeting, this relationship, full of happiness and love that inspired me! And such a banal ending. Sickening!
My relationship lasted almost 4 months, he is married to my husband, I have never been unfaithful in my marriage to my husband for 9 years, but when I met my lover the ground went out from under my feet, he literally made me fall in love with him, he said how much he loved me, what a beauty and all that. ... we spent time every free minute, but at one point he didn’t delete the love correspondence and naturally his wife read it, scandals, tears, she left him, he was lost, he didn’t need anything except her, she returned, of course, but our relationship practically ended , he told me don’t kill me, I promised my wife that I would never communicate with you... despite the fact that I myself sincerely wanted to help them make peace (((it’s a shame that with all this I became unnecessary, he left me 3 times and I wrote to him and called him( ((disgusted with myself... I even had several meetings after, but he just didn’t get hard!
A married man left me
Indeed, why do men have mistresses? After all, it often happens that in a family, at first glance, everything is fine - the wife is beautiful, the house is clean, and the children are healthy, but the husband still walks to the left. The worst thing is that it is difficult to surprise anyone with this phenomenon these days, because this happens all the time. Although every woman sincerely believes that such a problem will never affect her family, it can happen to any of us. But if the problem has affected you, then you should not create scenes worthy of Mexican TV series - such behavior will only aggravate the problem and can lead either to an unwanted divorce, or to the fact that your husband will seek understanding and peace on the side. Here you will be helped by consultations with a psychologist who will help you return your husband to the family, avoiding quarrels and scandals.
Any psychologist during a consultation will explain to you that there are several reasons for male infidelity. The most common is desire to diversify your life, bring fire, excitement, passion into it. The reason may also be a loss of sexual attraction to a spouse, banal curiosity, a desire to prove something to someone (for example, friends who often brag about their love affairs). Often a man is influenced by poor upbringing or an unsuccessful model of behavior that his father demonstrated to him in early childhood. Sometimes alcohol is the cause of infidelity. And, in the end, the influence of television, the Internet and other media.
There are several main reasons why a man takes a mistress, and in each situation you should act differently.
At the first place The reasons for betrayal, according to psychologists, is the desire to diversify your life. The fact is that most men do not have as much libido as they would like to show, so they are looking for a change in sensations. At the same time, for them the wife always stands apart, one might say, in the first place.
Such men, as a rule, earn good money, are active, take care of their appearance, like to make an impression and do not like to talk about their problems. They don’t like alcohol, and they don’t have much time for it - they devote all their time to work and saving money. But they need to somehow relieve stress, so they acquire mistresses. True, they need them exclusively “for health.”
But the trouble is that practically nothing can be done about these betrayals. If you start putting pressure on your spouse, he will begin to cheat in such a way that you will not be able to find out about it. Here the choice is yours whether you want to be with such a man or not. But remember, there are simply no perfect people, everyone has their own shortcomings. True, this type has many advantages: in the first place they always put their spouse, home, comfort and happiness of their household, they love their children very much.
In second place worth betrayal because of resentment. Such betrayals, as a rule, are committed by men who are slow and thorough. Since for this type of man family is the most sacred thing, only his wife can push him to cheat with her extremely disrespectful attitude.
For example, a woman may often refuse intimacy or ridicule various details of her personal life with relatives or friends. In this case, the husband strives to prove to himself and to the whole world at the same time that he is not some kind of rag, but a real man.
If you really love your spouse and want to be with him, you should radically adjust your behavior, give him the warmth, care and love that he so needs. It is not appropriate to give free rein to pride here, because this will only make things worse. A consultation with a psychologist will help you save your family in such a difficult situation.
On the third place Among the causes of male infidelity is alcohol. In this case, you need to act immediately and decisively, because such behavior can very quickly become a man’s habit, and then it will be quite difficult to change anything. This is where you should apply all your severity - organize a boycott and not talk, making his life unbearable. And you don’t have to be afraid to go too far, because you need to stop your partner’s infidelity once and for all. So feel free to use the entire arsenal of female “torture”.
Under no circumstances should you let cheating on him get away with it! This may end in the fact that the man, seeing your calmness, will behave unforgivably arrogantly. As a result, he will be taken away by a more decisive and less delicate lady.
Whatever the reason for your partner’s betrayal, remember that this is not a reason to destroy your marriage. Seek advice from a psychologist, and he will definitely help you solve the problem without unnecessary quarrels and scandals. Take care of your family and relationships with your significant other.
“And after 60 I need a man.” How to improve your personal life in retirement, says a psychologist
Our reader writes that she was unable to build a happy and long-lasting relationship in her youth. But even now, although she has been retired for several years, she wants to find a worthy companion. How to improve your personal life after 60, says a psychologist.
Losing a loved one is easy, but regaining an emotional connection or finding an equally strong new one is not the easiest task. Perhaps you shouldn’t be a hero and try to figure out a problem on your own that seems unsolvable to you. We offer you professional help from psychologists from the Center for Successful Relationships.
You send us your story, and we publish it with expert comments. In order for us to better understand the essence of the problem, please send as detailed (of course, as appropriate for you personally) stories. And we will do everything possible to ensure that good mood, harmony and peace return to your home. The anonymity of letters is guaranteed.
We are waiting for your letters at the address To prevent your letter from being lost, please indicate “My story” in the subject line.
- Hello! I am 63 years old. She was born into a wealthy, intelligent family of a scientist and a doctor. Grandfather was a general. Since childhood, they banned everything and beat me for the slightest bad grade, they didn’t let me go anywhere, they kept track of who I communicated with. She loved to read, dream alone in the attic at the dacha, and was a good student. I got married for the first time because my father insisted, after my mother’s death. The first husband turned out to be an alcoholic. We lived for six months. She married a second time on the advice of her father's parents. He was very good, handsome, kind, intelligent, a candidate of science. He was very seriously ill since childhood...
She lived with her second husband for less than 5 years. At the age of 33 she became a widow, leaving a son from this marriage. The 90s hit, my financial situation deteriorated sharply - I was losing everything, was in debt and starving. When I was 42, a friend from my youth found me, and after hesitation, I began dating him (he was married), because... physically I really needed a man and I thought that he would save me from difficulties.
It was thought that it would help with raising my son (I was and am too soft-spoken). At the age of 44, having worked a lot, I got a job in a prestigious organization, and at the age of 45 I was again left without a man, because... this married man left his family for a very young woman, and not for me.
Depression set in and was treated. I met a man so that there would be someone to get out of this state... Neither I had a serious feeling, nor did he. But he had a good character, an optimist. At the age of 45, he lived with his mother, who had a large pension, did not work anywhere for a long time, and was very greedy - to the point of indecency. I perceived it this way: since there is no good man, then we need to date for health (like a pill). I broke off relations with him for 4 years.
And when I was sent to retire, I started dating him again to fill the vacuum that had formed. Although I saw many flaws in him, I thought that my relationship with him would improve over time. A year ago, she raised the issue of living together, to which he said that he had no plans for family life. This offended me. I moved to live in the country in March because my son is an adult and wants to live separately.
Since then, this man has been writing me messages on Viber, but he doesn’t call or come, he doesn’t invite me to his place. He never came to my dacha, although he constantly said “maybe.” How can I meet another good man? I won’t say that I feel drawn to living with someone (to wash, clean, etc.), I have enough care for my son and myself. But I would like a sincere, real relationship with a good person. I don't like men in photos on the Internet. It’s not true that after 60 you don’t need a man! I need, but I want, beautiful, interesting, kind and mutually respectful communication!
Psychologist's comment:
— Your story developed classically. It all started with childhood traumas, which you described in full. We see strict prohibitions, violence, restrictions. All this did not give you the opportunity to learn how to cope with difficulties, have your own point of view and gain experience. And this is necessary for choosing a partner.
In your case, the choice of a companion was based on the opinion of your parents, and when they were gone, on a random or partial choice.
One of the most important tasks of a girl’s period (as a “social status”) is to get to know herself and learn to choose men. If the choice is reasonable and based on a sufficient number of criteria, this will largely guarantee satisfaction in the relationship. The main thing is to support and build them.
Your personal choice was based only on the criterion of “optimism” or “external attractiveness,” but, as experience has shown, this is extremely insufficient for building strong relationships.
Unfortunately, the significant characteristics of your men were "alcoholic, unhealthy man, married man, immature, mother-dependent man." The basis of the relationship was only your hopes. There was no clear idea of how to build relationships, what you want to get from them, what you need, what you deserve. And the foundation of all this was a huge lack of self-confidence and lack of experience.
Experience is passed on from older women to girls when they become girls. They don’t always talk about this, they just behave like worthy, confident, happy women.
If you are left without such experience, you will have to gain it yourself. So far there are only mistakes in your letter, but draw the right conclusions from them, and this will become your experience. You just need to use it for your benefit.
Your hopes are the germ of confidence. They must acquire clear support and formulation in the form of criteria and requirements.
For example, if you are an intelligent person, then you have every right to choose an intelligent man as your partner. A deal with yourself in the form of a compromise “he’s greedy, but he’s funny” is unacceptable. This is a direct path to dissatisfaction. You will never be able to respect him for being greedy. Your basic requirements must be fully implemented. You can only agree to a compromise on characteristics that are not important to you.
It must be remembered that an adult is responsible for meeting his own needs; naive expectations that someone will come to take care of you are always dashed by reality. Such expectations are the consequences of childhood traumas; the partner should not be held responsible for them.
There are many unhealthy prejudices in your ideas about relationships and family life. And they, being at the core of your worldview, play a cruel joke on you. For example: a woman should earn less than a man, a relationship with a man can be without feelings and emotional intimacy, “for health”, a man is a cure for depression or a way to fill a vacuum, a relationship with a man is about washing and cleaning.
By debunking them and replacing them with a mature, adult, safe view of relationships, you will become much more competent and independent. These are simple and safe rules of life that can be formulated very simply. Respect, understanding, independence, community of interests, intimacy, harmony, responsibility.
The first step to a healthy relationship with another is to develop a relationship with yourself. You have to find out who you are and base your choice of mate on that.
The second important criterion is confidence and a sense of the objective value of one’s personality. Knowing your needs and the ability to take responsibility for them will make your choice correct and safe for you.
Only after completing this work can you learn to behave like a girl: feel attractive, be able to communicate, flirt, not be offended, be able to present your demands in such a way that it is a compliment for a man. These important skills do not depend on age, since you are single - which means you are in the girl stage.
Remember that seduction skills alone without personal confidence are failures. In addition, an adult son must live independently and take care of himself, otherwise you will make him dependent and immature.
There is a lot of internal work ahead, the results of which will be your harmony and confidence, freedom from harmful prejudices and the ability to choose a worthy man. Thus, the happiness of the relationship will be predictable, satisfying, reliable and will be in your own hands with your partner.
My man left his wife for me!
We dated for almost a year, fell in love with each other. She didn’t force me to leave. One fine evening he came and said that he had talked to his wife, explained that he loved someone else and couldn’t live in a lie. I was shocked, I didn’t expect it, but of course I accepted him. They have two children. She calls every day, appeals to his conscience. What have I done to you, the children are bored, etc. He said that he would fully support the children, left her everything except the business, but she does not let up. I began to notice that he was nervous, although he was trying not to show it. It’s hard for me. It would be better to leave immediately than to do it after a while. I don’t say anything to him. How to behave further? Just don’t talk about the moral side, I know it myself.
How long have you been living with him?? those. there was no official divorce??
how to behave? everything is fine, you just have to live with it - his children will always be in your life. If you are ready for this, then everything is ok))) But I liked his action. If there is no love, why suffer? Many men are afraid to take such steps and want to sit on several chairs at the same time.
Well, since he made the decision on his own, it’s unlikely that it’s your fault. Well, yes, you had sex, so what? When did pure sex take you away from a strong family? Never. So live and enjoy life, although his ex-wife will fray all of your nerves for some time.
There is a possibility that your wife will destroy your relationship. Especially if she approaches this matter wisely.
He’s married, has two children, and you’ve been tumbling in bed with him for a whole year?
You will face exactly the same fate as his wife. Your children will also know what it is like to miss their father.
It will be hard for at least another year, then one of two things will happen. Either you will break up due to the difficulties that have arisen (and they cannot be avoided), or you will not) we have survived our 7th year together.
I don’t like the words about my wife - “calls”, “calls”, “does not calm down”. Be more modest).
Why is it hard for you? Isn't that what you wanted?
yes, we need to wait it out. My wife will calm down after some time. In fact, she called us in the middle of the night with hysterics and threats that she would commit suicide. Of course I didn’t finish :)) The truth frayed my nerves. But we’ve been living here for 10 years now, everything is fine. Wait it out.
Rita, find common things to do with your man - distract him from difficult thoughts, wait, time will put a lot of things in their place, try not to be angry with your wife, she is in grief, even if she says something to you in anger - do not be offended. Try to help them and they will maybe they will accept you if they can))) Good luck, patience. It will be difficult, let it be easier for you)))))
))) it was all similar, not the same of course, but my ex also called, my son called, he was in tears, it was painful. I didn’t understand what to do, how to help him. She didn’t take her away from the family, they broke up on their own, but the fact that he left for me was a tragedy for her (.Now everything is ok (3 years have passed, we’ve been married for a very long time, we’re always together, we’re expecting a baby. His son is with us all weekend, calling me second mother. There are problems, it can be hard, it’s difficult to give a boy to his mother)))
and what is this - “in the mother’s day”?
8 - ah, I understand - it’s difficult to give a “boy” to your mother on MONDAY - well, yes, she’s probably a bad mother)
First they start relationships with married people, and then they write: “What should I do next?” And he knows about the moral side. Author, now get out of it yourself!!
The same thing, but tell me - who came up with the idea for someone else’s child to call you “second mother”? Is this your idea or your husband's?
The child himself will not be able to think of this - children know that the mother is alone. "I swim through the waves and the wind
To the only mother in the world."
Come on, an honest man, respect and respect. And the ex-wife is calling for no reason, since everything is over for her anyway.
) No, no))) she’s a wonderful mother)
so why is it “difficult” for you to give the child to your own beautiful mother?)))
but he’s already mine too))) you understand, how I give away mine, I miss him. The heart already becomes attached and over time we become friends, we talk a lot)))
The usual thing. In Russia, men change hands because... They can’t immediately decide where it’s better. Then their traumatized sons grow up and follow in their fathers' footsteps. The cycle of the city in nature.
15.) was invented by a child) he’s generally a talker and an inventor, of course, I don’t take words about my mother as something serious, but it was nice when he told me, “you know, I was thinking - this is my second home, and you’re my dad’s wife, that means you are my second mother"))) Yes, it’s nice, I’m glad about it.
poor boy - he is confused, does not understand what is happening.
Trying to please you, to please you. This is not good. He still does not understand that he is betraying his own mother in this way. You must explain to him that a person has only one mother, and everyone else is (at best) friends.
22) I completely agree, my mother is the most beloved, and that’s the only way))) and the boy is not confused, his logic just wrapped him up like that - I don’t see anything bad in that. The boy is generally smart, we’re just happy for him, only good things about his mother .Although I generally try not to discuss her actions. Mom has her own new husband now and everything is ok. No one has any injuries, everything is in the past (TTT)
Author, remember, no children are worth ruining their lives with an unloved woman. And children grow up to be monsters when their parents have no love. You must slowly instill this in your man. And tell his wife to be tougher when he doesn’t listen. You cannot force someone to live with you out of a sense of duty and guilt. Children will suffer mentally. Find common things to do with him so that he is always busy with you, and I repeat, send your wife boldly. Hysterics belong at the doctor's office - just imagine her as inadequate to him. Talk about the fact that there is only one life. And children will grow up happier when dad is happy. You can’t be upset - you need to think that everything will be fine. They don’t just leave two children, apparently the stsukkkkka is still the same. Help him stop feeling guilty. Because it's not his fault.
Guest 21 about "The cycle of the city in nature." I don’t know anything, I haven’t encountered anything. And if people get divorced and communicate peacefully, help each other, it’s not so bad. The main thing is conscience, you can survive a lot if you don’t judge and don’t get angry.
23))) well, this is what you say to your husband))) - you are probably a master at “sorting everything out”). This is a rare quality. But still - you wrote “there are problems”, “I try not to discuss her actions” - so it’s not “everything in the past” yet? What's not in the past?)
Oh, you should go to the topic “Where should my stepdaughter live??” - there, an 8-year-old girl whose mother died turned out to be a hindrance to her father’s new wife... they don’t believe that there are people who can love other people’s children. We are sure that other people's children are always ungrateful. Would you give them your example)
In short, the girl broke down, she just wanted to have a sponsor, but she would have to live under the same roof. Hahaha 🙂 that’s how it should be!
What the fuck is honest, my wife has been cuckolding for a year, and that’s what you call honesty?
oh, damn, how did you get it! Your mistresses are always to blame, but when everything is good in the family, the man will not go to the left.
I read posts Same thing. and you know what I thought? It’s not surprising that her man left his wife; there are very few such women. For example, I couldn’t do that. I think that I would not be able to love someone else’s child, I would not be able to be so patient. I’m probably a terrible egoist, but I’m ready to share the love of my man only with OUR child. I don’t want a man with a past, with memories that are not shared, I don’t want thoughts that he was once close to another woman.
What tolerance suddenly appears on this thread. No curses, no accusations, as usual, no boomerang threats.
Alice, boys and their dads’ wives find a common language easier. Here are the girls - there is an ambush there, jealousy of dad almost as a man (I observe the life of a friend). But her husband does not love her son, he also treats him as a rival, although he carefully controls himself.
I’m interested in something else: did the guy come uninvited and decide to live with the author? Author, did you mind?
Well, let’s just say that there will always be his children, and you will fray your nerves on this topic more than once, especially if you and him will have children of your own in the future. There will be jealousy and resentment and swearing.
all this is wonderful, love, you can’t order your heart and other blah blah blah bliss!
there is only one point: as a rule, when a man goes to the left, he still loves his wife, and he has problems in his family, but they can be solved. but then six months, a year, three years of such sweet bullshit pass, and then bam - the feeling comes! big, bright and beautiful! and here, of course, it’s more decent to choose and not sit on two chairs. and a husband and his mistress (sorry, new wife) in chocolate! and it turns out that no one is to blame, it just so happened that love came)) aunties, what kind of decency can we talk about?)))
27. pumpkin didn’t read the topic about the girl, but according to your description, it’s tough ((((I would immediately take it in. And wait for gratitude. Well, you know, I’m not a dreamer. If suddenly the child is grateful, I’ll be very happy, but wait for you you’ll raise him, and then he’ll thank you, it’s just unreasonable. It’s good if he calls and remembers kindly, that’s all I’m counting on))))
that's crazy
Well, of course there are problems and there will always be. I may not like the fact that she feeds him poorly (breakfast at 4 o’clock in the afternoon is not normal in any family), but I remain silent. I don’t like it when she spends money (we spend money on ourselves and our new husband, not on the boy) But this is her business, and we don’t discuss it. Why get on my nerves? I don’t impose my opinion on her. Over time, I see that she began to treat me better, I’m not her enemy and not her friend. I understand jealousy, but nothing can help I can.T. I didn’t take her husband away from her, I have nothing to blame myself for. I would like to communicate normally with her about the child, and perhaps one day, when a few more years have passed, she will be happy about it. But there will always be problems, of course, if I could choose, I would like my husband and I to start everything from scratch. only your children) but if you already have a boy, how else? - to offend a child - to deprive a father? It’s such a sin to take on your soul. well what the heck))))))
Author, I was in your situation twice, the first time a man left his wife and child for me, I didn’t show initiative, it was his decision, we lasted six months, the child was small, the wife blackmailed, his parents were also against me, he I came back twice, it cost me a huge amount of nerves and depression, from which it took me almost a year to get out of it. It should be noted that the wife was very economical, never worked anywhere and, as a woman, did not represent anything at all. I’m a beautiful girl, a careerist, and when I saw her photo, I thought that after me he would never return to her. I was wrong. I lost. He still lives with her. My current husband also left his wife for me, remembering the previous situation, I was ready to immediately cut off the relationship seeing that he was rushing about, but he left and I never heard anything about his wife, there really were no children there. His wife, it should be noted, is a rather attractive woman, although she is 10 years older than me, she earns decently, she cannot be compared with the first “mouse”. So understand after this men. They need pies and understanding. Appearance is not the main thing.
It's better not to get into such situations.
1. They have been divorced for four years now. 35. I didn’t force him to leave, I didn’t throw hysterics. I just said once: “I love you, but you have to be prepared that we will part someday. I also need to start a family, give birth to their children." He didn’t answer anything, didn’t promise anything. And a month later he did what he did.
Author, it seems to me that it is best to talk as much as possible with your husband so that he opens up to you and tells you what he is worried about. To see you as a friend. After all, there can be many reasons why he is nervous - or he is afraid of offending you, or he is worried about the children, etc.
After listening to him, you will be able to make a wise decision and support him, judging by your posts
40-41, Same thing, of course, you should not offend the child, you cannot.
It just seemed to me that you are claiming the place of the good fairy in the child’s heart, and this is easy, because the birth mother, probably, has not quite come to her senses after the divorce, and therefore is not as kind now as you are - both in general and in attitude towards the child. The child feels this too, but I think it will be more beneficial for the child if he still remains closer to his mother, despite the fact that it is easier for him with you. It is not difficult to win a child over to your side, but it seems to me that you better “move up” a little in that you are “better” than his own mother.
Even if this is true, it is better for the child’s future life if HIS OWN MOTHER is “the best.” Everything is complicated in a child’s head. I myself was in the place of this child. And I remember how I kept secrets with “such a sweet and kind aunt” while visiting, and at home my mother asked me to clean my room and scolded me for lying upside down and not studying my homework. And mom seemed like an angry bore. But she was afraid and wanted me to survive in this life, because she and I were then completely alone in the world. It’s all gone a long time ago and everything is fine, both for my mother and for me, but when I remember my “trust” in my father’s aunt and the same evening - quarrels with my mother - I am so SHAMED! You are probably a good woman - find out how to make sure that the boy’s mother remains the BEST, better than you. This is a small sacrifice - for a good stepmother - who loves CHILDREN.
Personally, I wish you complete happiness and a happy birth, and your happy babies!
Why do men leave?
Everyday life in itself is not scary, but the behavior of many girls (in this article we will not consider men, they are also good) in everyday life is simply cruel. Sometimes there are simply no words and only emotions. As you might guess - negative.
A man wants to see a beautiful princess every day, he wants a mystery and wants to conquer. It’s just by nature that he wants to win the heart of his girl. But how? How the hell do you win the heart of someone who sits and picks her nose or goes to the toilet without closing the door? Or she sings terribly, but thinks that her singing is the trill of a fucking nightingale. Or she walks around like a 90-year-old granny in a filthy robe that smells of borscht and not even romantic cutlets! Cucumbers on the face and lazy fat on the sides, which becomes more and more massive every year. Or what the hell is the princess who sits with her mouth open and watches another series that was filmed for complete idiots. What association does a man have? I think it's clear.
And I don’t need to talk about the difficult life of women, children and other problems. Make your boyfriend feel sorry for him, I know what I’m talking about and everyday life destroys a lot of families. And if you have a question - why did the man leave you, from being so white and fluffy, then think - maybe your whiteness smells like cutlets? You need to start with yourself.
Well, a note to future housewives. Don’t create a life that you want to leave. Always remain a princess.
Oh yes. If you constantly take a man shopping and drag him along with you through the departments, then I can imagine how soon you will find hair on his clothes that is a slightly different color than yours. I see girls walking into the shopping center, and her boyfriend trailing behind like a dog, looking as if another day of his life has been lost. If your boyfriend doesn’t volunteer to go with you, then why the hell take him with you? And as a result, a girl with an open mouth and sparkling eyes walks through the boutiques, followed by a tired and dissatisfied guy who stares at other girls out of boredom. Just watch, I'm not making this up. Men will support me in this.
It seems like princesses should show off their outfits, and not drag princes to choose them. Or I'm wrong?
2. Mommy is not exciting.
Men are not turned on by their mother, and he also does not want his aunt and his sister, even if she is very beautiful. And often men leave because their girlfriend begins to associate herself with a relative. But we don’t want relatives, we love our relatives, but we don’t care about them. And the girls make a global mistake. They begin to take care of their boyfriend like a mother takes care of her child. Yes, the man’s behavior is often to blame for this, but no one forces a woman to become a standard wife with a standard family code with the distribution of responsibilities and fulfillment of marital duty. Debt is always bad! And also standard and boring.
Do you want a super secret - how to become the most beloved and most desirable for a man? Become his mistress for an indefinite period! All smart mistresses have one thing in common - the ability to give a man the freedom that he himself wants to get rid of. And men move mountains from this state. I’ll write about this in more detail someday, if interested, subscribe to blog updates and receive article announcements by email
3. Let me go conquer this world.
A man wants to be a winner and conquer new lands. It runs in his blood. He wants to strive for something, well, at least something!
But instead, he watches a movie with you, walks with your dog, visits with you and helps you cut cucumbers for salad. And one day the acute lack of victories in his life will hit him in the head with the decision to leave you and get a taste of victory. It is against his nature to use a man for other purposes.
I was dating a girl who wanted to make me an assistant and I simply didn’t have enough time to realize my goals. I told her that I missed it, and she was offended, pouted and said that I probably didn’t love her. I began to feel insecure with her and eventually went to conquer the world, or rather the heart of another girl. The new girl did everything very competently and made sure that I constantly conquered her. This was really right. I will describe this technique in the book Love-personality. Otherwise it will be too long an article.
I dated a girl for 5 years and everything was fine with her. But one day I looked at her very intently when she was telling me something and thought - why should I connect my life with you? And I broke up with her. I remember the pain and bewilderment at the lyceum. I didn't understand the reason then, but now I understand. I didn't think it was the best for one simple reason. She didn't make me feel emotional. I looked at her and felt nothing.
She did nothing to make me feel emotions with her (both positive and negative). While I tried to surprise her, please her, shock her, make her laugh, make her angry, make her jealous, she didn’t do it. I don't need a teddy bear. So I just left.
If a girl does not evoke feelings in a guy, then she becomes a bun. And the man is actively looking for emotions on the side. Subconsciously.
5. Another girl.
Everything is very simple. The whole point is that a man just wants a newer girl or just a different one. The other SEEMS SEXIER against the backdrop of the fact that many wives do not bother at all with their sexuality, so not only love leaves them, but also the man.
It's a hit, it's always in the TOP. Cause why does a man leave- this is another girl. This is the answer to the question - where do men go? When a girl does not evoke emotions, when she does not allow a man to be a man and a winner, when she becomes a relative instead of being an eternal lover, when a girl makes life disgusting, then the man decides to leave for another.
A man doesn't just leave. He doesn’t need a break from the relationship, he doesn’t need pauses and other crap. He doesn’t need you and that’s it, but he needs someone else. Who will make his life pleasant (at least at the beginning, and then he will make the same mistake anyway), who will be a mistress and will make the man himself want to become unfree, who will provoke him to move forward and not limit him in his aspirations and which will give him emotions.
Don’t do nonsense, if a man left you, then he left for another girl. And now you know the reason. Don't step on this rake again.
Instructions
First, you need to remember that men disappear from your life from time to time. That's their nature. The reason for this phenomenon is the desire to arouse the jealousy of your beloved, in order to once again be convinced of her love and increase your sense of self-worth. That is why it is necessary to find out what is the reason for the current situation. Perhaps you had a fight not long ago, or your relationship has simply stabilized, and the young man just wants a little freedom. Maybe he needs to spend time with his friends only, without you, several times a week. In any case, before drawing conclusions, it is necessary to carefully analyze the situation, taking into account all the details.
Often, men tend to say thoughtless words to their significant other. That is why, if during a quarrel you hear the phrase “I don’t love you,” you should not blindly and unconditionally believe it. Most likely, this phrase was said only in a fit of anger, but in fact he does not think so. If he didn't have feelings for you, he would have left a long time ago.
If there has been no warmth, affection and support in your relationship for a long time, you should think about whether there are feelings between you. Of course, if your passion has simply cooled down a little over the years, you can try to “rekindle” it again, but if it simply doesn’t exist, there’s no point in trying. Yes, breaking up is not so easy, but sometimes it is the only way out of the current situation. Just remember that nothing happens by chance in your life. Any parting will definitely be followed by a new meeting.
Before looking for the answer to the question “is a man”, you need to analyze your behavior. Maybe you spend too much time at work and pay little attention to your lover. Do not forget that women by nature tend to dramatize. They can make a big problem out of a small, insignificant quarrel, making a mountain out of a molehill. Of course, any event can cause people to move away, but this does not mean that your relationship is over. In any case, remember, if a man decides to leave, he will definitely inform you about it in a calm atmosphere.
You can understand one thing: when a man leaves forever, he will not contact you, will not answer your calls and messages, maybe even change his phone number and place of residence. Most likely, he will ask his friends not to tell you anything about his existence, he will simply disappear. Your lover’s new relationship can also make you understand that you will never be together again.
Throw tomatoes at me, but learning from other people's mistakes is a waste of time. Until you fall face first into the dirt and get out of this shit, you won’t understand anything. Therefore, I will not say unequivocally that you should not keep a man if he wants to leave. Sometimes it’s useful to grab a stranglehold on someone who no longer needs us, to get enough of our fears and humiliations, to look at ourselves from the outside and not recognize ourselves, to experience pity and disgust for ourselves “beloved”, so that the conscious “enough is enough” finally comes. And never repeat this mistake again. Never. Because it is life-threatening.
A true story that a psychologist told me. Family. Two children. Ten years of marriage. She had long forgotten about her hobbies and interests. All my energy and time go to my children and husband. And he said that he wants a divorce. Met a woman. Love is a carrot. There is no other way. For her it was the end of the world. She decided to keep the infidel. I went to the forest, cut the veins on my hands, called my husband and said: “I can’t survive this, I don’t need my life. Goodbye". In the evening she woke up in the hospital, with her frightened husband nearby: “I’m sorry. Don't worry about anything. I stay". Yes, the husband stayed in the family because he did not want his own children to lose their mother. But what has this woman become? Into an insecure, complex hysterical woman. Her life began to resemble endless torture. Suspicion and jealousy haunted me. It is clear that the husband continued the relationship on the side. And this daily painful sawing of herself into pieces led her, you know where? To an oncologist. Young woman 35 years old! Once beautiful, cheerful and interesting, daring, with her own dreams. And for whom? Well, nothing good comes out of trying to keep a man... Sooner or later you will regret it. And it’s good if you manage to stay healthy. After all, living with the constant feeling that you are not loved is hell. Is not it so?
The famous psychologist Alena Al-As told us what to do if a man decides to leave:
Alena Al-As,
psychologist
“I think it’s better to remain a pleasant memory for a man than an annoying presence. I want to say right away - from practice: a man who has been in a relationship with a woman for a long time rarely decides to leave. As a rule, the reasons for this are: 1) the woman drove away herself; 2) the brain drain on her part has reached a critical mass; 3) a new significant woman has appeared, love has appeared, and the man wants to build new relationships. If you see that the situation is exactly the same as in the first two cases, then you should think about what exactly are you trying to achieve? Is this man significant to you? If yes, then you should reconsider your behavior, otherwise you will still be left alone. Moreover, without trying to change your behavior patterns, you will face the same problems in a new relationship. This is not a call to turn a blind eye to things that are unpleasant for you, just so as not to lose a man! No. You just need to learn to talk about your desires and feelings, compromise and behave wisely as a woman. If someone else appears in a man’s life, I advise you not to consider this as your personal loss. It happened that way. Usually women try to fight for a man in this situation, but, as a rule, the result is disappointing.”
By fighting for a man, you simply grow his ego, increase his importance, while you yourself turn into a desperate feminine creature begging for his love. Apart from disdain, such a female role will not cause anything in a man. And love just can’t be returned
But what if there are children? How not to fight?! You can try, but the ending is predictable. And think: do children really need such an example? Maybe it’s better to discuss further ways of interaction, while maintaining your own dignity, than to show your children their mother as begging and humiliated?
Another situation is when a man leaves, saying: “I need freedom / I haven’t had enough of a walk / I’m not ready for a relationship yet,” - this means only one thing: he needs freedom from you, and he is not ready for a relationship with you specifically. As a rule, if he has the feeling that he has found his woman, such excuses disappear by themselves. In this particular case, attempts to keep a man will not lead to the desired result.
Accept that you are a transit point for him and he will build a life with someone else. This situation must be accepted with dignity. This is just not your person. If the pattern “met, lived together, left for someone else” has become habitual, then there is a reason to consult a psychologist
In general, sick relationships should be ended in any case. If during a breakup it “blows the roof off” - this is not always love. Most often it’s just emotional dependence. Disease. Identifying yourself only with your partner and nothing else. And without the help of a specialist it is difficult to cope with it. If, during a breakup, the light came together like a wedge and you don’t want to live, run to a psychologist. It often happens: he hits, drinks, walks, but still I won’t let go. Because mine has grown, I can’t imagine any other life. This is not love. All because they got hooked on a sick relationship like a needle. And why? Because at some point they crossed a line that is dangerous to cross. Dreams and big plans were thrown on the far shelf. Relationships have superseded everything. They forgot about themselves as an individual with their own ideas. His desires are your desires. So we fell into a trap. This is what I mean... The fact that you don’t need to be afraid of parting with someone who doesn’t appreciate you, doesn’t love you, doesn’t respect you. Emotional addiction can be cured. It will only be difficult at first. But you need to constantly remind yourself that it won’t always be like this, it will pass, everything will change.
How to let a man go and end a sick relationship? The advice of psychologists boils down to one thing: the main thing you need to do is MAKE A DECISION. Final and irrevocable. Alas, this is the most difficult thing. Next - SURVIVE the situation. Give yourself time to “cry”, but don’t delay it too much. If you keep everything to yourself or, conversely, sob for weeks, you can fall into deep depression. After several days of seclusion, you need to switch. To work. For a trip. To what has always brought you joy. It will get easier every month. From time to time, breakdowns and hysterics may occur, but the further you go, the fewer of them there will be. The hardest thing is to survive the first six months after a breakup. Then the so-called withdrawal goes away. You will feel like a full-fledged independent person. And this will be a wonderful start to your new life.
