How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Get the girl back

How to let go of your ex-girlfriend

Not all of our relationships lead to a happy marriage, and not all of our relationships are destined to end on a happy note. Based on this, we can say that each of us will experience several unhappy breakups with girls in our lives, and some of them will forever remain in our memory.

And we all need to solve one big and fateful task: to transfer memories from the “painful” category to the “we were young, happy and stupid” category. And you can achieve this state using three stages that every guy with a broken heart has to go through.

Why you need to let your ex-girlfriend go

We've known a lot of guys who have been pining over their ex-girlfriends for years. They constantly tried to return to their past relationship, tried to get in touch with the girl, looked for her face on the street in the crowd. But most importantly: they refused other girls, even if they were worthy and attractive girls. The guys actually put themselves in a cage of empty hopes and ruined their lives.

It is for this reason that you need to let go of your ex-girlfriend, so that she does not occupy a place in your heart reserved for new feelings and emotions. This is the only way to enjoy life again, have an interest in girls again and improve your sex life.

If a guy wants to become happy again, he must let go of his ex and forget about the dreams associated with her forever.

How to let a girl go - stages

Suffering and sadness. If a guy really loved a girl, then after breaking up there comes a moment when the holes in his heart begin to remind themselves more and more. And the situation takes on the form that only in the company of friends or at work can a person live, and as soon as he is left alone with himself, he is consumed by melancholy.

Even girls, friends and alcohol are willing to do everything they can to help a guy avoid this stage in his life. Anyway, sooner or later such a wave will cover him, and he will suffer!

And this stage will last until the guy empties himself completely, when there is no longer that person left inside whom he would feel sorry for. A person who could enjoy life and love will die inside!

Beginning and first steps. After such devastation, the man will again come out into the light and begin, step by step, to learn to live without his girlfriend. He will understand that time can be spent with friends, and not necessarily with a girl. He will understand that many girls communicate as sweetly and romanticly as his ex-girlfriend. He will begin to look for new acquaintances, he will begin to look for new warmth in people, which he missed so much.

And the danger at this stage is excessive cowardice and weakness, because it is so easy to retreat back into your dark world when other people burn you with their energy and emotions. Only the one who conquers the fear of the unknown will be able to let go of his girlfriend and move forward to a new star!

Recovery and new love. As soon as a person is able to improve his life without a girl in his life, he will understand that he has a lot of free time and energy for new feelings and emotions. Someone completely devotes himself to a new hobby, someone improves their skills and abilities, and someone sets off on a sailboat of love to new shores.

This is a whole new world that is open to the guy, a world in which there is no more room for suffering, pain and emptiness. And this is exactly what a guy should strive for.

Letting go of the ex-girlfriend's anchors

An anchor is any thing or emotion that connects your feelings and emotions with your ex-girlfriend. For example, a mug that a girl gave for an anniversary, or general photos that the two of you took together. These are all those things that first make you a little happier, and then plunge you back into the darkness of misery.

Delete all photos of the girl. Many of us love to look at photos of our girlfriends, especially if they are racy photos. But to make it easier for you to get rid of the girl, you need to completely remove them all. Of course, a few days after deletion, you will reproach yourself for this step, you will try to restore them or somehow find them again. But, find the strength within yourself and delete these photos!

Don't go to her page. Put yourself a block or punish yourself in some way so that you can’t go to your ex-girlfriend’s page. Almost all guys after breaking up begin to spy on their ex-girlfriend, and also spy on a guy who is at least somehow connected with her. Don’t look for connections, don’t torment yourself with various thoughts, just give up on it.

Don't go to "your" places. Absolutely all guys, after breaking up with a girl, start going to common places, or start walking near the girl’s house, in the hope of seeing her at least for a moment. Believe me, you will simply waste your time, and such a chance meeting will give you absolutely nothing! Rid yourself of this.

Her friends. You don't need to discuss your girlfriend with your mutual friends and ask them to tell her something. If it happens that a girl gives you another chance, you will be the first to know about it. Asking friends to spy on your girlfriend or give her something: stupid and useless, don't waste your time on this.

Negative. Sometimes guys are so upset by the breakup that they begin to say a lot of unflattering words to their ex-girlfriend, and then realize that it was said in vain. As a result, they set themselves the goal of apologizing to the girl for these words, creating an additional anchor debt for themselves! It’s better not to do anything stupid in the first place than to somehow justify yourself to yourself later.

When will I let her go?

You will be ready for a new relationship when all the memories and feelings about your ex-girlfriend turn into something distant, pleasant and completely unnecessary. Then you will be ready for new feelings and achievements. Know that this is difficult, but it still needs to be done.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello, my name is Alexander, I'm 21 years old. I haven't had much luck in my life: my mother died after 3 years of battling kidney failure when I was 13; my father drank and beat me constantly, did not give me peace; I had 3 close people who helped me: my aunt (mother’s sister), a childhood friend with whom I lived in the same house, and a friend from school. I have been dating a girl for the last 3 years. We met at the university and it so happened that we studied at the 1st faculty in the 1st stream. I fell madly in love with her. For the first six months we talked a lot, shared our opinions, talked about eternal issues, then we began to spend more and more time together and decided to date. At that time, she was in a hopeless relationship with a guy whom she had been dating for 3 years, they had not seen each other for weeks, did not communicate, he offended her, etc. I helped her get out of this relationship and entered into a relationship. A period began when we saw no one but each other, I spent almost all the time with her and I liked it. I was crazy about her and she often came to my house and at one time even lived. Her parents also accepted me very well and therefore I spent all holidays and events in her family. This went on for over a year until I became severely depressed. A lot of negative events happened at one moment: my father went on a drinking binge and began to attack my grandmother (his mother), my mother’s sister was hospitalized and the doctors said that nothing good could be expected, a very close friend moved abroad, a friend I got married and her husband forbade her to communicate with me, I also realized that I looked very bad, that, in fact, I couldn’t do anything, any of my attempts to do anything ended in failure. There was also chaos at home: my upstairs neighbor was flooding me and there was a small fire in my apartment. I understood that these were my problems and did not want to share them with the girl, fearing that she would not want to date me after that. I drove myself and thought about committing suicide, then I reluctantly told her about my intentions and she said that she wanted to come, but I refused, saying that if she came, I would not open it to her. This hurt her very much and she took it as a betrayal (she said so). I overcame all this thanks to her, but she no longer wanted to talk. I began to come up with plans on how to make peace with her and how to continue the relationship. Then I decided that I would come to her with flowers and ask for forgiveness. For the future, I made a plan that immediately after university I would invite her to move in with me and marry me. A month later, I was able to make peace with her, but everything changed a little: we began to see each other less, talk less, she began to pay more attention to other people, our meetings very often turned simply into intimacy. I felt very bad, I didn’t know how to find a place for myself. I didn't know what to do. Without realizing it, I began to reproach her for the fact that we began to communicate less, she pays less attention to me, and stuff like that. I walked around very upset and felt bad, she didn’t seem to take it seriously. Then the new semester started and I stopped talking to her there, she constantly spent time with her friends, but we still talked when I went to her house. This was the case until mid-December. In mid-December, she was offered participation in a development project. She had dreamed about this for a long time, I knew it and gave her complete freedom. We spent the New Year together and it seemed to me that this project breathed new life into our relationship. But I now understand that she only liked the project and her improvement in her relationship with me was simply due to her mood. We began to see each other and communicate even less. There were only 2 school days in the new semester and she constantly sat at home and worked on the project. I came to her, but she did not react to me at all. I decided to talk to her about this, she offered to choose a time for our meetings, but for some reason I refused. I couldn’t cope with the negative feelings in myself and, seeing her twice at the project, I simply demonstratively left. The second time she stopped me, I realized that I was doing terrible things and asked for forgiveness, calmed her down and somehow we made up. She continued to work on the project and I didn’t get involved until I found out that she was going to Moscow with the guys from the project. I was very jealous and had no idea what to do. On Thursday I found out that she was going with some guys to some concert and decided to talk to her. We talked for several hours, walking down the street, I raised the topic of our relationship, once I even said that we needed to break up, she said that she didn’t know what was wrong with her and she needed to think about the reasons for this. After this conversation, we went home; she did not go to the concert. On the bus, I realized that I shouldn’t have done this, because this is her favorite activity, I tried to rectify the situation, but she said that she needed to think. And then on Friday evening... she answered that she could not forgive that betrayal and no longer felt anything for me. I didn’t believe what I was reading and went to see her at night. Having arrived, she began to talk about all this in tears, I could not answer her anything specifically and simply asked her not to part with me. We talked all night. I was either filled with anger and resentment, or with love and the desire to return her. I said a lot of things, most of them without even realizing it. In the end, she said that she didn’t want this to happen again, that she didn’t believe me and didn’t want to meet. In the morning I went home almost crying. I didn’t know what to do and wrote her different thoughts about how I love her, that she is the most precious thing to me, that I can’t imagine life without her, that I can’t let her go. In the end, she decided that if her parents gave us a chance, she would allow it, but no... They said that they should have separated during my depression, that they didn’t like my attitude towards things, that I was dragging my feet too much and I couldn’t interest her that I lost her and we had to break up. My conversation with her father went smoothly: I explained the situation, he said that he had nothing against me, but the well-being of his daughter was important to him. I said that I love her very much and cannot let her go. Today I am in complete despair, I feel very bad. I wrote to her about this, that I couldn’t live without her, to which she said that it’s hard to be around me, I have a very complex character, which she doesn’t understand. That I have chances for the future and I don’t need to ruin them. That after breaking up with her I will become stronger, smarter. That I will find more people who will appreciate, love and respect me. I don’t know what to do, I love her very much and don’t want to lose her, I can’t imagine how to live without her. I started thinking about suicide again and continue to write to her about my feelings, but she says it’s too late. Without her I am left completely alone. How should I deal with this situation? How to get your relationship back? Or how to forget about them?

Psychologist Ekaterina Aleksandrovna Markelova answers the question.

Good afternoon, Alexander. Yes, yes, exactly kind, and this is exactly how every day should be for you! Life is something worth waking up for every day, smiling and enjoying it. LIFE IS ONE and it will be the way YOU make it...

At the very beginning of the letter you say that you are not very lucky in life, but if you look at it from the other side, perhaps this is not so. Of course, the loss of a loved one is always a trauma for our soul, but there were people close to you who We were able to support and console you.

I re-read your letter several times, and most importantly, those questions that you would like to find answers to. Breaking up a long-term relationship is always painful, but the main thing is to stop and drive yourself into a corner. We often don’t understand how this happens, because we loved each other friend, lived with each other, breathed the same air and suddenly something broke, something went wrong. But this is life and no one is to blame for this. Let go of the situation, try not to call again, not to write to your girlfriend, perhaps when she stops receiving from she will want to find out for herself how you are doing by texting you and receiving calls. Try to devote more time to what you love, relax, meet new people, reconsider your attitude towards the current situation.

And most importantly, you are still so young, you have your whole life ahead of you! Appreciate this time, you only have youth! Life is priceless, be above your thoughts, appreciate life!

4.4 Rating 4.40 (5 Votes)

The other day I received another letter in my mail about a difficult life story in my relationship with my wife. And with the permission of Vyacheslav, who sent it, I am publishing this instructive and very life-changing story for you.

« Lena and I met at the campsite. Summer, sun, vacation. Our companies were vacationing nearby. We turned out to have many mutual friends. That's how we met by chance. And I was drawn to her as if by an invisible magnet. Our vacation ended in two weeks. But our romance has just begun to develop.

I was older than my beloved. He has matured as a person. Walked around like a man. She suited me in everything, she was smart beyond her years. He offered to move in with me. So we began to live together. I spoiled her with freshly brewed coffee on Sundays. And Lena spoiled me all week with her attention and goodies in the mornings and evenings. I even sometimes suggested that she relax and we went to cafes and restaurants for dinner. Sometimes we went to my parents. They also immediately fell in love with her. And they were glad that I was finally in good hands...

The wife is tired of her husband. Who's right and who's wrong

We lived together for about two years. Everything seemed perfect. I didn't want to waste time. He proposed to get married. This was a surprise. We went for the weekend to a decent club-hotel. And in the evening after dinner in the room, ordering champagne, I proposed my hand and heart to her.

The wedding was gorgeous. I wanted to scream about love and our happiness. But, apparently, it’s not in vain that they say: “Happiness loves silence.”

After the wedding I relaxed. I decided that Lena is my wife, and her responsibilities include some actions. She told me more than once about socks scattered all over the apartment and coffee spilled all over the table. And not only about this.

I thought this was nitpicking. All men do the same. So what, is it difficult to remove? You're a wife...

Lena held out for a long time. But, apparently, the resentment for my mistakes accumulated every day. She began to see her friends more often and came home from work later and later.

“The wife is tired of her husband“What a banal ending,” I thought casually.

But why? Washing, ironing, cleaning are the direct responsibilities of women. And no one died from it.” I asked what happened. She always had one answer: “I’m tired at work”...

Friends, work, something is fishy here. Maybe another one. ANDthe wife fell out of love. What to do?

Then I didn’t even realize that the reason for everything was socks and my untidiness. Lena is simply tired of being a housewife, cook and cleaner. She is young and wants to be loved. To respect her work.

The wife is not a housekeeper. She is, first of all, a beloved woman. I understand this now when I found out thatthe wife wants to leave.

- Lena, what are you doing?

- Think about it yourself. You took me as your wife so that you could have a nanny and a housekeeper. Flowers, courtship, compliments forgotten? I only have time to clean up the dirt in the apartment in my free time.

She was hysterical and wanted a divorce. I suggested that we separate for a while. Rate everything. He said that I love you very much. That all the whims are her whims. I had no other words then.

I called her back a week later. He asked me to come back. And she replied that she was much better off without me. Let's get a divorce! Because she is young and does not want to become my slave.

Wife wants a divorce. Here's a twist of fate for you.

How can I prove to her that I can be different and will improve for her sake?Oddly enough, with such a question I could only turn to my mother for advice.She supported me and said that I might miss out on a good girl. And she understands Lena perfectly well, this is not her whim. This is the pain of many women. When they are perceived as housewives after marriage.

My wise mother, also a woman, advised me to see a psychologist.

- Mom, are you crazy? Am I seeing a psychologist?
- Do you want Lena back? And never repeat your mistake again. Then put away your pride and go, you won’t regret it. I approached him myself, after which I looked at the situation from the other side.

Get your loved one back and save your relationship

I turned to , about which I heard good reviews not only from my mother, but also from friends who went through similar situations in life. And literally after a couple of conversations, he not only realized his own mistakes, but also receivedDanilaclear instructions for action. Surprisingly, but miraculously, Lena agreed to meet with me.

This is how our love story began from a clean slate, literally. Don't lose or hurt your loved ones. But even if this happens, feel free to seek help from a good specialist, such asDanil».